So, I am wondering about other's experiences. After a number of sad/sobering (family health related) experiences in my personal life recently, I am looking to this summer as a grabbing for life, let down some inhibition type of experiences. I want to experience new things, dance, listen to music at different places, just enjoy life to the fullest. My cautious side says that that may lead to 'different' experiences, things I am not mentally prepared for. For example, what if a guy asks me to dance? What if a guy would hold my hand or even give me a kiss or try to buy a drink. I don't know how I would react. (Besides poop my pants.) These are things I have never done. (Well a gay guy kissed my hand once.) Does anyone have an experience or advice they would like to share? Oh, I will be getting boobs soon and my understanding is this might increase attention.(especially with the signs I will make pointing to me saying, "I got boobs!" lol)
Moni
My gut says this is highly unlikely at my age, but what if it does happen? Should I wear a giant condom on my body like in the Woody Allen movie?
Hi Monica,
I guess where you go can have a huge impact on your percentages of interaction.
There is a place near me that is a huge older singles place. I wonder if I should venture there on a Friday or Saturday night. I could also do the same in New Hope, I know that is LGBT friendly. Then again there is the Gayborhood in Philly where there are several places I could go.
Preparation
I have condoms in my purse and I take Travada 300/600 which is an anti-viral (HIV anti-viral, PrEP) just in case.
Boobs
I can show off or wear slightly loose or loose clothing. It all depends on the situation and how I feel. I just picked up some summer cloths and some show off tops and some slightly loose tops. I have been losing some fat and as I do my breasts appear larger than they did when I had 30 more pound. I am going for 10 more pounds of weight loss so that may accentuate the image even more.
Holding hands, kissing and more
I want most of all friendship and someone that loves me for who I am. Yes, sex is in there somewhere but not at the top of the list (not the bottom either).
I hope you have an awesome summer and a pain free boob job. I know when I had mine done it adds so much to my sense of fitting in. Not to mention tops fitting so well :) Good luck :)
If your goal is to let down your inhibitions, then you should be prepared to say yes in many of those situations you described. Of course, you have to stay safe - that's where those inhibitions come from in the first place. So decide ahead of time what your limits are. Then, if the situation doesn't violate those limits, go for it.
For example, it seems to me that, if someone asks you to dance, unless they are totally creepy, you'd want to say yes. It's just dancing, and dancing is fun. If the dancer then asks you to go home with him, that might be the time to say no. A guy invites you to a coffee shop for a snack, yes. He asks you to get into his car, no.
Pre-planning your boundaries will free you to have some fun. Some of that pre-planning can be specific safety plans. Of course, carry your phone with you. Share your plans, and arrange check-in calls: "If you haven't heard from me by xx:xx, start to worry."
The solution for events that you are not mentally prepared for is to prepare yourself mentally.
Get out there and have fun!
Rachel, Kathy,
Great advice. I am not looking for things to go far, but I want to relax, let my hair down and experience some new things. Because of my gender issues I have always had an invisible brick wall around me. I guess my fear is someone asks me to dance and I will panic rather than just going with it. It's almost like a second coming out, knocking down these long help inhibitions. Moni
Monica I know you're married and you do state you don't want to go too far. How is your wife's state of mind on this? Would these be activities or dates she would go out with you on? I recall many, many years ago we were are a gay club with some girlfriends and a guy asked me to dance. It was awkward at first but then I was, hey lets go. My wife and her girlfriends all got a good chuckle. Talk about letting my barriers down!
Kathy is right that you need to have a good understanding of your boundaries. Your wife or another friend as a companion would be a good idea as wing-women to assist if you need it.
Judi
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on May 28, 2018, 08:00:15 PM
Monica I know you're married and you do state you don't want to go too far. How is your wife's state of mind on this? Would these be activities or dates she would go out with you on? I recall many, many years ago we were are a gay club with some girlfriends and a guy asked me to dance. It was awkward at first but then I was, hey lets go. My wife and her girlfriends all got a good chuckle. Talk about letting my barriers down!
Kathy is right that you need to have a good understanding of your boundaries. Your wife or another friend as a companion would be a good idea as wing-women to assist if you need it.
Judi
Judi,
You are right, I am married to my best friend. I hide nothing from her. She is who I would go with. She would want me to relax and experience things. I am not talking about hooking up with someone as much as socially functioning as any other woman. I don't want anyone paving my way or rescuing me from a situation. I just want to shed some remaining transphobia/ homophobia or whatever you call it. I want to experience life without hurting anyone. I don't think this would hurt her or I wouldn't do it.
Moni