Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello all,

I am relatively new here.  I have been in therapy for the past 8 months and diagnosed with gender dysphoria.  Not 100% M2F trans but some gender fluid, at least that's the way I feel right now. 

I have been very blessed with a pretty good life, great wife and two wonderful daughters.  Good friends and job.  My wife knows and is supportive so far, but I don't feel the need to transition all the way to live 100% as a woman.  My "magic wand" scenario is to live with one foot in both worlds.   Boy mode at work and some socially, girl mode at home  and some socially.  I am very torn over if I should medically transition, specifically HRT.

My therapist has told me that HRT can help figure some of this out as some people feel so much better that they finally understand what they needed all along.  These are usually people that have a majority of body dysphoria.  For others the hormones don't do much for the dysphorial by themselves if the they suffer from more social dysphoria. 

I am trying to decide if I should start HRT and wanted to see what your experiences were with how you felt once you were on it.  Also, has anyone heard of people that HRT did not do much for their dysphoria.  Lastly, anyone live gender fluid with a foot in both worlds and how did HRT affect that?

Thanks for you help!

I am not the best qualified here. But my experience is somewhat similar as far as living in "both worlds." But for me, I am divorced with no kids.

I have always been on low dose HRT, but my body has reacted as if it were starving and has reacted quite suddenly and overtly, almost as if I was on high dose. Initially, for the first few months I felt great with estrogen running through me, but the physical changes for me are quite profound (can't really hide - I am male outside home, so I am now a dude with big boobs and round hips). Otherwise, it has calmed me down greatly. I know I am a contradiction. I grew up looking and acting female in a lot of ways, so I can't speak much about the dysphoria issue otherwise. Having kids would complicate things for me, I would think...

Quote from: Shellie Hart on May 29, 2018, 09:25:18 AM
I am not the best qualified here. But my experience is somewhat similar as far as living in "both worlds." But for me, I am divorced with no kids.

I have always been on low dose HRT, but my body has reacted as if it were starving and has reacted quite suddenly and overtly, almost as if I was on high dose. Initially, for the first few months I felt great with estrogen running through me, but the physical changes for me are quite profound (can't really hide - I am male outside home, so I am now a dude with big boobs and round hips). Otherwise, it has calmed me down greatly. I know I am a contradiction. I grew up looking and acting female in a lot of ways, so I can't speak much about the dysphoria issue otherwise. Having kids would complicate things for me, I would think...

how do you manage this, living between woman and man? give me some advice or tips, like to hide our body and other changes


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I can't answer your question since I'm not on HRT, but I'm in pretty much the same place that you are. My dysphoria is primarily social, although I have feminized myself as much as possible. I'm still considering HRT, so I'll be very interested in what others have to say. Thank you for asking this question, and best of luck to you whatever you decide to do.


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Quote from: JUJUPAIVA on May 29, 2018, 10:26:25 AM
how do you manage this, living between woman and man? give me some advice or tips, like to hide our body and other changes


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I don't think I really manage it. It's day to day and how I dress. Baggy shirts when I want to hide the most. Sometimes I don't care if I am far away from home. I let it show but otherwise keep to myself and my life at home. That's just me. Not for others....

Quote from: JUJUPAIVA on May 29, 2018, 10:26:25 AM
how do you manage this, living between woman and man? give me some advice or tips, like to hide our body and other changes


Enviado do meu iPhone usando Tapatalk

@JUJUPAIVA
Hello JUJUPAIVA...  WELCOME to Susan's Place.
I see you are new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted in RED.   It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Again, welcome.
Danielle

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I'm genderfluid, I've chosen a feminine presentation. The boy exists inside me, and  has to look like a girl.  ;D

Hugs, Devlyn

@JUJUPAIVA
Oh, by the way JUJUPAIVA so that the other members here on the Forums will know that you have become a member of Susan's Place please go to the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to introduce yourself and to briefly tell the other members here about yourself!   You will then have a better chance of getting the answers that you are looking for regarding your specific interests and you will be able to share with others as they share their experiences with you once they know that you have arrived.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle

Quote from: Curvybethannhope on May 29, 2018, 09:10:57 AM
Hello all,

I am relatively new here.  I have been in therapy for the past 8 months and diagnosed with gender dysphoria.  Not 100% M2F trans but some gender fluid, at least that's the way I feel right now. 

I have been very blessed with a pretty good life, great wife and two wonderful daughters.  Good friends and job.  My wife knows and is supportive so far, but I don't feel the need to transition all the way to live 100% as a woman.  My "magic wand" scenario is to live with one foot in both worlds.   Boy mode at work and some socially, girl mode at home  and some socially.  I am very torn over if I should medically transition, specifically HRT.

My therapist has told me that HRT can help figure some of this out as some people feel so much better that they finally understand what they needed all along.  These are usually people that have a majority of body dysphoria.  For others the hormones don't do much for the dysphorial by themselves if the they suffer from more social dysphoria. 

I am trying to decide if I should start HRT and wanted to see what your experiences were with how you felt once you were on it.  Also, has anyone heard of people that HRT did not do much for their dysphoria.  Lastly, anyone live gender fluid with a foot in both worlds and how did HRT affect that?

Thanks for you help!

Hi, Curvybethannhope!

Welcome to Susan's.  Sorry we missed welcoming you before this.

Whether or not to go on HRT is really something that only you can decide, in consultation with your therapist.  I felt mostly social dysphoria, and not so much body dysphoria.  But I am not sure that that tells you a lot. 

What I have learned, as a late transitioner (age 63 now) is that I survived by turning my feelings down to almost zero.  It made the dysphoria tolerable for 50 or 60 years, but it meant that I was mostly unaware of it.  So, had I used the low body dysphoria as a basis for planning my future, I might have just carried on for the rest of my life as my old male self.  It is only now that my social dysphoria is mostly a thing of the past that I am able to truly be aware of my body dysphoria.

I started HRT more than a year ago.  I didn't have any amazing "shazam!" moment, like some people experience.  Remember that my feelings were turned down to almost zero.  What I felt was calmness and rightness and self-confidence.

Part of my decision to start HRT was knowing that being able to transition socially was in part dependent on feminizing my body.  That worked well for me, and three months after starting HRT, I was showing enough development to look plausible with the right clothing.  At that point, I made my social transition.

If your goal is indeed to be gender fluid, then perhaps my experience is not too relevant.  But I saw some similarities in your post to my own feelings before I started.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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Quote from: Shellie Hart on May 29, 2018, 09:25:18 AM
I am not the best qualified here. But my experience is somewhat similar as far as living in "both worlds." But for me, I am divorced with no kids.

I have always been on low dose HRT, but my body has reacted as if it were starving and has reacted quite suddenly and overtly, almost as if I was on high dose. Initially, for the first few months I felt great with estrogen running through me, but the physical changes for me are quite profound (can't really hide - I am male outside home, so I am now a dude with big boobs and round hips). Otherwise, it has calmed me down greatly. I know I am a contradiction. I grew up looking and acting female in a lot of ways, so I can't speak much about the dysphoria issue otherwise. Having kids would complicate things for me, I would think...

Thanks for the reply!  Part of me hopes the physical changes will be small enough to not really be noticed when presenting boy mode, but enough to let me pass in female mode......another part of me wants HRT to feel so right that the internal struggle is resolved.

Quote from: Curvybethannhope on May 29, 2018, 09:10:57 AM
I am trying to decide if I should start HRT and wanted to see what your experiences were with how you felt once you were on it.  Also, has anyone heard of people that HRT did not do much for their dysphoria.

Hi Curvybethannhope,

So my dysphoria was mostly social but a lot of it was relieved by HRT even while stile presenting as a man. It didn't feel "magical", like all of the sudden dysphoria wasn't there, but one day after some time on HRT I realized that I didn't think about my gender as much as I did before hormones. That was probably a chemical effect but also a psychological one: Just realizing that I was doing something and moving closer to the gender I identified as, made me feel a lot better.

Nowadays I'm mostly worried about what my next step will be, which is a great feeling cuz it's real! Before I was just worried fantasizing, hoping I magically transformed into a woman and then convincing myself that it would never happen. It was exhausting.

My advice for you is, give it a try. You can get on HRT for a few months, maybe 4 or 6 (there won't be any drastic or irreversible changes so soon) and then decide if you want to continue or if it's not for you.

Quote from: KathyLauren on May 29, 2018, 12:45:31 PM
Hi, Curvybethannhope!

Welcome to Susan's.  Sorry we missed welcoming you before this.

Whether or not to go on HRT is really something that only you can decide, in consultation with your therapist.  I felt mostly social dysphoria, and not so much body dysphoria.  But I am not sure that that tells you a lot. 

What I have learned, as a late transitioner (age 63 now) is that I survived by turning my feelings down to almost zero.  It made the dysphoria tolerable for 50 or 60 years, but it meant that I was mostly unaware of it.  So, had I used the low body dysphoria as a basis for planning my future, I might have just carried on for the rest of my life as my old male self.  It is only now that my social dysphoria is mostly a thing of the past that I am able to truly be aware of my body dysphoria.

I started HRT more than a year ago.  I didn't have any amazing "shazam!" moment, like some people experience.  Remember that my feelings were turned down to almost zero.  What I felt was calmness and rightness and self-confidence.

Part of my decision to start HRT was knowing that being able to transition socially was in part dependent on feminizing my body.  That worked well for me, and three months after starting HRT, I was showing enough development to look plausible with the right clothing.  At that point, I made my social transition.

If your goal is indeed to be gender fluid, then perhaps my experience is not too relevant.  But I saw some similarities in your post to my own feelings before I started.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read

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thanks KathyLauren!   I am working closely with my therapist, just a tough decision.  I am most likely going to start HRT and see how I feel.  Your feeling of calmness, feeling right and confident are what I hope for, kind of like its diagnostic in how one reacts to it.  Hmmmmmmm?  Maybe it doesn't matter if we feeel better.

Being fluid is part due to the complexities of my life as much as still trying to find my female idetntity.  The dysphoria is there, sometimes raging in my head, but after 40 plus years of conforming to male norms, it's really difficult to know how much is learned behavior and self image versus what is truly me.  Despite a supporting wife, it's still a lonely place. 

Thanks!

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 29, 2018, 02:10:08 PM


My advice for you is, give it a try. You can get on HRT for a few months, maybe 4 or 6 (there won't be any drastic or irreversible changes so soon) and then decide if you want to continue or if it's not for you.

Charlie Nicki,

Thanks, while therapists are not apt to tell you what to do, that is pretty much what she is saying. And part of me really wants to do it, but another part sees this as abondoning the life I have that I have worked so hard to build for me and my family.  I am sure I am not alone on that note.

Quote from: Curvybethannhope on May 29, 2018, 02:23:02 PM
Charlie Nicki,

Thanks, while therapists are not apt to tell you what to do, that is pretty much what she is saying. And part of me really wants to do it, but another part sees this as abondoning the life I have that I have worked so hard to build for me and my family.  I am sure I am not alone on that note.

I don't think you're abandoning it, just giving it a little bit more color and sparkle ;)

I too was torn about going on HRT, but also felt I was coming apart at the seams and at the end of my rope.  So I made an appointment with my doctor and a month later I was on HRT.  By the way, I had talked with a therapist before the doctor's appt.

To say I feel better is an understatement.  I have been on it for 4 months now, not a great deal of time, but the mental relief is well worth it.  I agree with the others as I now have a calmness.  I'm still in male mode 24/7, and my wife has asked me if I still feel the need to dress.  I tell her the need is still there, but the urgency is greatly reduced.  I'm not sure I can explain this, but the "noise" in my head is gone and I'm more at peace.

There has been some slight physical changes (my hands are softer and my nipples hurt which is kind of cool), but I still look like the same old guy.  I want to go further, but the social price is so high (family, friends), so I'm not sure how exactly to proceed.  My wife has told me, and I agree with her, that if I start looking too feminine, I will have to leave.  The last thing I want to do is hurt and embarrass my wife, kids, and siblings.  But I've also told my wife, I will not go off of HRT and go back to feeling like I was.  The pre-HRT days were too mentally taxing.

Don't know if this helped and I wish I knew what the future held, but I do think HRT has saved my life.  I don't wish for death anymore.  PS:  I'm older too, 57.  You're never to old to take control of your life.

Quote from: Breeze 57 on May 29, 2018, 03:05:33 PM
I too was torn about going on HRT, but also felt I was coming apart at the seams and at the end of my rope.  So I made an appointment with my doctor and a month later I was on HRT.  By the way, I had talked with a therapist before the doctor's appt.

To say I feel better is an understatement.  I have been on it for 4 months now, not a great deal of time, but the mental relief is well worth it.  I agree with the others as I now have a calmness.  I'm still in male mode 24/7, and my wife has asked me if I still feel the need to dress.  I tell her the need is still there, but the urgency is greatly reduced.  I'm not sure I can explain this, but the "noise" in my head is gone and I'm more at peace.

There has been some slight physical changes (my hands are softer and my nipples hurt which is kind of cool), but I still look like the same old guy.  I want to go further, but the social price is so high (family, friends), so I'm not sure how exactly to proceed.  My wife has told me, and I agree with her, that if I start looking too feminine, I will have to leave.  The last thing I want to do is hurt and embarrass my wife, kids, and siblings.  But I've also told my wife, I will not go off of HRT and go back to feeling like I was.  The pre-HRT days were too mentally taxing.

Don't know if this helped and I wish I knew what the future held, but I do think HRT has saved my life.  I don't wish for death anymore.  PS:  I'm older too, 57.  You're never to old to take control of your life.

Very helpful, thank you!  I don't wish for death, just to stop yearning to be something......not what I am, I guess.  Unfortunatly I have very masculine features and build so I am not sure I will ever pass, so any step beyond HRT will be determined how much I change, mentally and physically. I am just afraid to through that metaphorical grenande in my life. 

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 29, 2018, 02:10:08 PM
Hi Curvybethannhope,

So my dysphoria was mostly social but a lot of it was relieved by HRT even while stile presenting as a man. It didn't feel "magical", like all of the sudden dysphoria wasn't there, but one day after some time on HRT I realized that I didn't think about my gender as much as I did before hormones. That was probably a chemical effect but also a psychological one: Just realizing that I was doing something and moving closer to the gender I identified as, made me feel a lot better.

Nowadays I'm mostly worried about what my next step will be, which is a great feeling cuz it's real! Before I was just worried fantasizing, hoping I magically transformed into a woman and then convincing myself that it would never happen. It was exhausting.

My advice for you is, give it a try. You can get on HRT for a few months, maybe 4 or 6 (there won't be any drastic or irreversible changes so soon) and then decide if you want to continue or if it's not for you.

I read/heard that the effects might be reversible if one is on HRT for a very short time (I don't remember the length of time); but you really can't be sure, and everyone's physiology is different, so personally I would err on the side of caution if I wasn't absolutely sure I wanted to transition, and would not experiment, because unless one is fully understanding of the risks, and accepts that any and all changes may be permanent and irreversible even if HRT is stopped after a "short"(?) period of time, it could do more harm than good.

Quote from: MissyMay2.0 on May 29, 2018, 03:24:49 PM
I read/heard that the effects might be reversible if one is on HRT for a very short time (I don't remember the length of time); but you really can't be sure, and everyone's physiology is different, so personally I would err on the side of caution if I wasn't absolutely sure I wanted to transition, and would not experiment, because unless one is fully understanding of the risks, and accepts that any and all changes may be permanent and irreversible even if HRT is stopped after a "short"(?) period of time, it could do more harm than good.

Wise advice.  My apologies for not knowing your history as I am new here, if you have done HRT, would you mind sharing your experience? 

Quote from: Curvybethannhope on May 29, 2018, 04:00:15 PM
Wise advice.  My apologies for not knowing your history as I am new here, if you have done HRT, would you mind sharing your experience?

Ok, here's a summary of my experience with HRT.  I first started transitioning in 1998, but due to family and work problems I had to stop ~3 months later (I accepted all of the risks, and the probability of irreversible changes from HRT when I started treatment, with the intent of never discontinuing treatment) during that time I noticed some skin softening, sore nipples, and ejaculation stopped. I started HRT again in 2002, and have not stopped. During HRT from 2002-2007, overall my skin got a lot softer, and my facial complexion changed, and became fairer and softer; I started storing some fat in typical female areas, which was good, but I developed some mild bat wings under my arms, and that was not so good😀; I only had minor breast development (A cup); I did not have any hair loss on my head before HRT, but I started with short hair, and my hair grew out very well and is very soft; I didn't have any body hair befor HRT, and I had a normal amount of arm and leg hair, which became very sparse and light colored after some time on HRT; I had minimal facial hair before HRT, and while HRT did not stop facial hair growth, it did slow it down; I had a deep voice before HRT, and HRT did not change it, but I achieved a female voice through voice training; there are some emotional changes since starting HRT, but I attribute that to just being able to be more open with my feelings since transitioning.  I had FFS in 2007, and other feminizing surgeries since then, so I don't know exactly what other changes I can attribute to HRT since then, but overall I look softer and more feminine. And I did not lose any height, and my shoe size stayed the same.

In my experience once you live as your true identity it gets harder and harder to go back and live as the other identity and switching back and forth was mentally exhausting.


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Quote from: MissyMay2.0 on May 29, 2018, 04:51:27 PM
Ok, here's a summary of my experience with HRT.  I first started transitioning in 1998, but due to family and work problems I had to stop ~3 months later (I accepted all of the risks, and the probability of irreversible changes from HRT when I started treatment, with the intent of never discontinuing treatment) during that time I noticed some skin softening, sore nipples, and ejaculation stopped. I started HRT again in 2002, and have not stopped. During HRT from 2002-2007, overall my skin got a lot softer, and my facial complexion changed, and became fairer and softer; I started storing some fat in typical female areas, which was good, but I developed some mild bat wings under my arms, and that was not so good😀; I only had minor breast development (A cup); I did not have any hair loss on my head before HRT, but I started with short hair, and my hair grew out very well and is very soft; I didn't have any body hair befor HRT, and I had a normal amount of arm and leg hair, which became very sparse and light colored after some time on HRT; I had minimal facial hair before HRT, and while HRT did not stop facial hair growth, it did slow it down; I had a deep voice before HRT, and HRT did not change it, but I achieved a female voice through voice training; there are some emotional changes since starting HRT, but I attribute that to just being able to be more open with my feelings since transitioning.  I had FFS in 2007, and other feminizing surgeries since then, so I don't know exactly what other changes I can attribute to HRT since then, but overall I look softer and more feminine. And I did not lose any height, and my shoe size stayed the same.

Thank you MissyMay!  You are right, I need to accept any change may be permemant and I am.  May I ask if any of the changes Younexperienced were permanent when you went off HRT? 

BTW I am so glad you and most who have answered my question have found their path.  I am sure I am over thinking it, but for something like this,  more careful consideration is better than less.  I hope to find more happiness than I have now or at least more peace with this.

Thanks!

Quote from: Nikkimn on May 29, 2018, 07:35:14 PM
In my experience once you live as your true identity it gets harder and harder to go back and live as the other identity and switching back and forth was mentally exhausting.


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Thank you Nikkimn,  that is part of my struggle, what is my true identity?  How much is learned self image as opposed to just me? 

Ahhhhh, if only we had crystal balls that could see multiple outcomes and how happy we would be......my kingdom for a Tardis!   :)

Quote from: JoniComeLately on May 29, 2018, 10:32:51 AM
I can't answer your question since I'm not on HRT, but I'm in pretty much the same place that you are. My dysphoria is primarily social, although I have feminized myself as much as possible. I'm still considering HRT, so I'll be very interested in what others have to say. Thank you for asking this question, and best of luck to you whatever you decide to do.


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Thanks Joni,  i hope you find your path.  While I never want to hear of someone struggling, it is comforting to know others are just like me and I am not alone. 

I don't even try to switch back & forth genders, I think that'd probably depress the crap out of me to be honest.  Even the rare time I saw my parents and they refused to accept my name & pronouns, I mostly just got angry, and later very depressed.

I avoid toxicity in all its forms.  Either accept me as I am or I want you out of my life.  If its someone I have to deal with, then I will by all means take it to the next level... only had to do that once in my life thank goodness.

I took HRT off & on (and not really longer than a couple months) for a very long times starting from 21 to around 39... mostly because of finances and not other reasons.  Now I'm on HRT full time, but the irony is it probably in retrospect wasn't ... entirely a great idea.   I woke something that slumbered, and now its a major source of pain & discomfort for me. 

The decision to do HRT or not to is a very personal one, and I don't think anyone has the right answer ... except you :)  I hope you can choose wisely.

Can't really comment on your questions but I did want to welcome you to our wonderful and super supportive forum and congratulate you that your wife is so supportive.

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Quote from: Doreen on May 29, 2018, 08:53:25 PM


The decision to do HRT or not to is a very personal one, and I don't think anyone has the right answer ... except you :)  I hope you can choose wisely.

Thanks Doreen.  I am trying to make the best decision I can! 

Quote from: Arianna Valentine on May 29, 2018, 08:53:44 PM
Can't really comment on your questions but I did want to welcome you to our wonderful and super supportive forum and congratulate you that your wife is so supportive.

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Thank you Arianna,  I am lucky she is supportive,  I think like many of us that have a supportive spouse at the beginning, I worry that if I continue with transition will she continue to support it......keep your fingers crosssed! 

All good things here.

As we all know, HRT is incredibly variable. I seriously wish that it would work more evenly for me. I need lots of changes to my face that just hasn't happened after 26 months. I know my changes are permanent. I can't go back. I have large, noticeable breasts now that are here to stay -- absolutely permanent. And yes, switching back and forth between male and female as I do every day is getting exhausting at times. I know the day will come when I have to make some choices (I keep saying this). Till then, I am what I am....an anomaly in the world that doesn't accept me. But I love being a female at home too much to turn back.

Some things to think about...

Quote from: Curvybethannhope on May 29, 2018, 08:58:56 PM
Thank you Arianna,  I am lucky she is supportive,  I think like many of us that have a supportive spouse at the beginning, I worry that if I continue with transition will she continue to support it......keep your fingers crosssed!

Yes it is hard to tell what will happen is you do decide to start hormones and such but as long as you both communicate with each other I'm sure that you will both be fine and extremely happy.  At least I hope so.

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Hello Curvybethannhope

I have always known I am transgender but thought I could "live with it" until the thoughts literally became so dominant that I could no longer ignore. So last year aged 62 I sought therapy and as you can see I have been on HRT 16 weeks.

At the start of HRT, I thought I would explore for a short period probably of 6 months by which time I would know whether it suited me or not. However I realized within 2 months that I it was right simply because it feels right. I feel as if I am finally on the correct "fuel" - oestrogen. I feel a sense of peace and much less stressed and aggravated by the dysphoria but the latter is still there of course but manageable. I await the physical changes in due time. I strongly hope and suspect that in 2019 I shall transition publicly and remain for life on HRT.

My advice to you is also to "explore". We all start on low dose and I say try it under doctors' supervision and I believe you will know perhaps after 2 or perhaps after 6 months whether it is beneficial and therapeutic.

I wish you every success whatever route you choose to take.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: pamelatransuk on May 30, 2018, 06:42:42 AM


At the start of HRT, I thought I would explore for a short period probably of 6 months by which time I would know whether it suited me or not. However I realized within 2 months that I it was right simply because it feels right. I feel as if I am finally on the correct "fuel" - oestrogen. I feel a sense of peace and much less stressed and aggravated by the dysphoria but the latter is still there of course but manageable. o.

Thanks Pamela,

When you said that you had a sense of peace and much less stressed and aggravated, was that limited to the dysphoria or did you feel calmer and less stressed about life in general?

Thx

Life as a whole. Pessimistic somewhat, but less so. Depressed less often. Significantly less misery and anger.

Gradually a new outlook on life! More peaceful and relaxed.

Pamela

Curvy,

Your experience sounds like it has some similarity to mine.

I've had signs throughout my life that something was amiss but it didn't really get serious till I got other things sorted.   I know what I'd like to be (female), but I'm mostly ok as I am. I most likely won't transition full-time because of the social and medical challenges.

My wife has been very supportive - but I gave her a lot of time to process it before I started HRT.  It took me years to sort it - why shouldn't she have some time, I thought. 

I'm 1 month in on HRT (E only) at the lowest transdermal dose.  The biggest change, and my wife commented independently is that I'm slower to anger, and less aggressive with my kids. I think the dysphoria for me, is like a layer of anger always present.  And addressing that was one of the more important things I wanted.  I didn't feel a  sense of peace or calm like others describe, but things don't piss me off as much if that makes sense.

My skin is softer in a few places (cheeks and groin), my orgasms last longer-but with less punctuation, and that's all I've noticed.  I'm hoping ( ok, afraid and excited) I can stay close to this pace with minimal breast tissue growth (ok, part of my wants real breast growth...)- because that will be the powerderkeg I guess.

I'd enjoy hearing about how you decide to proceed.  Knowing I'm doing something, has probably been the best of all of it.

Sara

Quote from: SaraDanielle on May 30, 2018, 09:35:13 AM

I'm hoping I can stay close to this pace with minimal breast tissue growth - because that will be the powerderkeg I guess.

I'd enjoy hearing about how you decide to proceed.  Knowing I'm doing something, has probably been the best of all of it.

Sara

This is what I advise anyone starting HRT to watch for. My breasts started growing at 3 weeks and haven't stopped in 26 months. If this is a powderkeg, then (if you are like me) watch for early growth. I have quite large breasts now (after starting flat) and if I was married, there is absolutely no way this would not be an issue. Breasts are permanent (I understand you can lose any growth you get in the first few months) so be careful with this aspect of HRT changes...

Thanks for the advice from your experience - Shellie.  It's such a complicated set of feelings!  If they start taking off, not sure what I would do. 

Quote from: Curvybethannhope on May 29, 2018, 08:45:13 PM
Thank you MissyMay!  You are right, I need to accept any change may be permemant and I am.  May I ask if any of the changes Younexperienced were permanent when you went off HRT? 

I know the question wasn't directed to me but I can also answer since I also stopped. I actually only stopped for a month and a half after being on HRT for 2 months and a half. I hadn't had much changes at the moment but my beard had diminished a lot thanks to laser. Well once I stopped HRT and the testosterone went back up, the beard came back! All of it. Libido also came back, and skin got less soft as well.

Quote from: pamelatransuk on May 30, 2018, 07:44:05 AM
Life as a whole. Pessimistic somewhat, but less so. Depressed less often. Significantly less misery and anger.

Gradually a new outlook on life! More peaceful and relaxed.

Pamela

Thank you Pamela.  That sounds great for you.  I hope if I start, I experience something similar.

Quote from: SaraDanielle on May 30, 2018, 09:35:13 AM
Curvy,

Your experience sounds like it has some similarity to mine.

I've had signs throughout my life that something was amiss but it didn't really get serious till I got other things sorted.   I know what I'd like to be (female), but I'm mostly ok as I am. I most likely won't transition full-time because of the social and medical challenges.

My wife has been very supportive - but I gave her a lot of time to process it before I started HRT.  It took me years to sort it - why shouldn't she have some time, I thought. 

I'm 1 month in on HRT (E only) at the lowest transdermal dose.  The biggest change, and my wife commented independently is that I'm slower to anger, and less aggressive with my kids. I think the dysphoria for me, is like a layer of anger always present.  And addressing that was one of the more important things I wanted.  I didn't feel a  sense of peace or calm like others describe, but things don't piss me off as much if that makes sense.

My skin is softer in a few places (cheeks and groin), my orgasms last longer-but with less punctuation, and that's all I've noticed.  I'm hoping ( ok, afraid and excited) I can stay close to this pace with minimal breast tissue growth (ok, part of my wants real breast growth...)- because that will be the powerderkeg I guess.

I'd enjoy hearing about how you decide to proceed.  Knowing I'm doing something, has probably been the best of all of it.

Sara

Sara,  your experience does sound similar to mine!  Do you spend anytime presenting as Sara? 

Thanks!

I must admit I hope when I start hormones and throughout the full process that I retain my optimism and general good kind heart and friendliness. Also you may feel free to add me if you wish to curvy

Sent from my SM-S337TL using Tapatalk

Quote from: Nikkimn on May 29, 2018, 07:35:14 PM
In my experience once you live as your true identity it gets harder and harder to go back and live as the other identity and switching back and forth was mentally exhausting.


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This. So true--and in my case I was in a similar situation (marriage/family wise) where I kind of had the option to CD at least, on my own while I was still married. But once I told her (and I had to because I realized I couldn't live a lie) I wanted to transition things quickly fell apart--my point is, if that's who you really are and identify as--like Nikkim said its going to be hard to keep suppressing that once you see that person and realize how happy you feel, as the real you. Especially if you have to fight to get there, IMHO.

Quote from: Curvybethannhope on May 30, 2018, 12:57:51 PM
Sara,  your experience does sound similar to mine!  Do you spend anytime presenting as Sara? 

Thanks!

I haven't presented as Sara.  I did some experimentation (ordered a dress, some nail polish and the like). Even though I told my wife- that was a wake-up call for her, more than anything else had been.  So I backed off. 

Mostly I felt awkward, like a guy in a dress.  I need to lose quite a bit of weight, and that would help.  I am growing my hair out, and that is giving me something to look forward to and to enjoy.  I don't think I feel as strongly about the make-up and acoutrements of being a woman as I do the mental, sexual, and emotional side of femininty (though I see the integration).