Hi Everyone,
Had a recommendation to post an introduction.
I am AMAB and have been questioning my gender identity off and on for the past 20 or more years. I am a late bloomer though, so I've always put it down to never being sure, and wanting to explore other avenues first.
I would love to give more specifics, but I am not out and I don't want to be discovered yet.
Im going to speak to my GP and get everything checked over and get some therapy to help find me and bring me out. My mind unfortunately does like to ruminate over topics like this on a cyclical basis. So Im left completely in limbo and never knowing if what Im feeling is genuine.
However at the moment, I like wearing womens clothes, I love makeup, I like to be in the company of women and prefer it to being in the company of men. I hate when in social circles, there are gender divides. Why do the women keep themselves secret? But there's the old adage of men and women can never be "just" friends. Why not? I was on a holiday with some friends a few years back, and I felt so alone. I didn't fit in with the men, and the women didn't want me around. At one point one of the women even told me the women need some time to themselves, go off and be a boy. I felt so hurt.
I show pictures to people of when I dressed up previously, and as they recoil in horror and call me stupid, I laugh it off as if its a game. Then I go to bed at night wishing I had womanly bits.
The next day I wake up thinking, that's silly. Why should I feel like that? I say to myself. "Im a man. Suck it up and be happy with who you are". And that's the lie, isn't it. People unhappy with themselves because people try to categorise them, try to direct them down a certain path. But deep down, why should any of us "suck it up"? We shouldn't be WHAT we are. We should be WHO we are.
I would love to share some pictures of myself in makeup. It's amazing to see how much my eyes sparkle. It's like a different person. Unfortunately until my issues are sorted, I cannot share anything.
I get a good feel from this community. It feels caring and communicative without an iron fist.
Thank you for allowing me to join.
Lucy
MtF Explorer
Hi Lucy and welcome.
This is a great page to find support so don't be afraid to ask questions.
I would argue that being yourself has nothing to do with your body, our bodies are a vessel, a mode of transportation from birth to death. I'm not saying the appearance of our physical form isn't important, I'm saying we are more than this, who we are is intangible; our soul, our spirit, our mind. It is this opposition of body and mind that those of us who are Transgendered must come to terms with and make the decision to live with the conflict, or bring the two in too sync.
@LucyEgo Hello Lucy, Thank you for writing your Introduction with interesting details about your life. We are so glad that you found your way here to the Forums.
It is great to see that you have taken the step to become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your introduction with us.
You have already been officially greeted and welcomed by @KathyLauren on another thread that you posted on ... but please allow me to wish you a warm welcome also.
Obviously you stated that have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with what you may be going through.
WELCOME to Susan's Place. You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here.
Please come in and get involved at your own pace.
@KathyLauren , in her welcome message to you already gave you Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place. Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here. I am taking the liberty to posting below the LINKS again so it will be convenient for you to find them and to read them.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
Hi Lucy :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M