I just felt compelled to know what the consensus on this out here.
I personally was left extremely messed up by this. I no longer could work at age 45 do to horrific insomnia that would last for weeks sometimes with zero sleep. Plus it also ripped out things like hope, hunger, enjoyment, lost all hobbies and interests and of course sleep.
Things are getting much better now for me since I figured out the root cause that has been naughing away at me my entire life till recently.
I know it's completely irrelevant now the future moves forward and I now have hope but I still would put myself in the being born CIS camp.
or would you prefer the Fantastic journey of transition
where would you put yourself?
Not even a question for me. If I could choose I would be a cis straight female. Why would I wish this crappy journey upon myself?
Sorry I failed to mention being CIS male and then transitioning.
Of course I'm sure we would all prefer CIS female.
it was my error sorry
It's hard to answer for me. Too many variables such as kids and spouse. Their happiness and existence..... I think I would choose to be a "nornal" male. That would keep everything the same but without self destruction by me that hurt everyone.
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I think you'll get nearly 100% agreement...in this subforum. In Transgender Talk the numbers would shift. I love being transgender, it's opened up a second life for me.
Hugs, Devlyn
Hello Jen,
I think that's an extremely honorable answer by putting your own needs on the back Shelf and sacrificing that for your family. hats off to you my friend.
as mr. Spock said the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one
Thanks Devlyn,
I will definitely take inspiration from your words and hopefully change my camp in the future but it's a ways off as this is just day two of HRT for me.
But thank you so much for your opinion sweetheart
If I had no ties to this life existence, I would much prefer to be born cis female. Having my best friend be my wife for the last 27 years, and having awesome children with her, and knowing that those two things would only happen in this life existence, then it is clear that I would rather be amab and transition to female. They are worth all of the problems gender identity gave me.
Thank you so much Ainsley for your valued opinion.
I noticed you're from Flint Michigan believe it or not the modular house I'm living in now came here from Dort Highway in Flint but was moved way up to da UP eh.
love you dogs we're dog people to we've got three sled dogs that we have a lot of fun with in our Long Cold Winters up here in the snow belt of gitche gumee
Take care of my fellow michigander love Tatiana
I'm happy as I am.
Quote from: Tatiana 79 on July 06, 2018, 12:37:44 PM
Thank you so much Ainsley for your valued opinion.
I noticed you're from Flint Michigan believe it or not the modular house I'm living in now came here from Dort Highway in Flint but was moved way up to da UP eh.
love you dogs we're dog people to we've got three sled dogs that we have a lot of fun with in our Long Cold Winters up here in the snow belt of gitche gumee
Take care of my fellow michigander love Tatiana
Oh, nice, another Michigander. Are you a Flintoid, too? I am a product of the now defunct Flint Central High School. :) I am in Missouri now. We have long cold winters, just no real snow to speak of. I do miss it....I miss snowmobiling.
First to Missy,
I thank you very much for your opinion dear.
I'm certainly not there yet on day 2 of HRT but know that I take inspiration and where you're at and hope to be there also in the future.
And to Ainsley,
no I'm not from Flint but I lived pretty close here's a quick story grew up in Dearborn hated the city move to Novi
Then it built up move farther out to South Lyon then it also built up finally moved way out to the Stockbridge area in the farmland but it still wasn't enough and ended up where I'm at. I also used to snowmobile extensively here due to the 200 to 300 inches of snow we average due to the lake effect off of superior. But due to a fatal snowmobile accident I was involved in where another sled crested the hill I was approaching went airborne and landed on me I was only going 20 miles an hour hugging the right Bank in the middle of the day but these boys were going way too fast and we're from Chicago and did not have the experience or knowledge of the trail that is needed here due to the extreme rock Bluff Terrain. So then I bought a big powder sled and stayed off the trails and just stayed in the big powder but even that was affected by the trauma of the death inflicted on my hood. It pretty much took the wind out of my sails for any snowmobiling it's very fun but it's not worth dying for and most people out here probably don't realize there are no speed limits on the trails up here at all it's like the Autobahn but super narrow and twisty and a lot of trees and rocks I don't know if you ever came up here snowmobiling but being a snowmobiler you know what I mean.
Thank you both so much for your response all the best love Tatiana
Since being transgender was predestined by events not under my control I regret only that I did not pursue transition earlier. It would make my loses much more bearable. But I am grateful for these last two years as it has opened my eyes to the possibilities and what if's. It has allowed me to break down the barriers that kept me from making friends. Unfortunately, I am just as boring as ever. My secrets are all out in the open. I have met some incredible people that have since become my friends and my life is a lot more enriched by their love and support. I just hope when I am reincarnated, they get it right next time from the beginning.
OMG Dawn,
I feel almost exactly the same dear.
I also feel I waited much too long and had to wait till I broke down. but I do have hope now just starting HRT yesterday and am inspired by your wise words know that they were well received
also love your new Avatar pic
all the best to you love Tatiana
Quote from: Tatiana 79 on July 06, 2018, 12:04:45 PM
Sorry I failed to mention being CIS male
Cis male? Eww, no thanks. Cis female? Yeah, sure, it would be okay. But I have led a darned interesting life, and I am heading into the final third or quarter (or whatever fraction is left to me) of it in a really excellent position. I wouldn't change a thing.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 06, 2018, 11:59:13 AM
Not even a question for me. If I could choose I would be a cis straight female. Why would I wish this crappy journey upon myself?
In total agreement
For me, I wish I was born female and a thin, attractive one at that.
The dysphoria was just over whelming. I tried to man up, but that just did not work out.
First off thank you so much Kathy
I really love reading your stuff and find you super intelligent and knowledgeable and truly you could have been anything you wanted to be in life I believe.
I'm just starting so from my perspective I have had more bad negative experience for decades compared to yesterday starting so I don't yet feel it but I sure hope to through the years ahead. I think a few good years for me would help balance the scales of all the Decades of negativity I went through. Thank you so much for your highly valued opinion hun.
And to Dear Jessica,
I kind of made a mistake and should have put CIS male on my topic label.
I mistakenly assumed that being on this MTF sub-forum my intent would be understood but I should have been more clear I see now.
Sweetheart I'm sure there's not a one out here that would not wish to be born CIS female. But I know it was my error in not properly labeling this topic. but thank you very much for your highly experienced opinion it was very much appreciated.
thank you so much you dear hearts
hugs and love Tatiana
Quote from: Tatiana 79 on July 06, 2018, 03:20:25 PM
First off thank you so much Kathy
I really love reading your stuff and find you super intelligent and knowledgeable and truly you could have been anything you wanted to be in life I believe.
I'm just starting so from my perspective I have had more bad negative experience for decades compared to yesterday starting so I don't yet feel it but I sure hope to through the years ahead. I think a few good years for me would help balance the scales of all the Decades of negativity I went through. Thank you so much for your highly valued opinion hun.
And to Dear Jessica,
I kind of made a mistake and should have put CIS male on my topic label.
I mistakenly assumed that being on this MTF sub-forum my intent would be understood but I should have been more clear I see now.
Sweetheart I'm sure there's not a one out here that would not wish to be born CIS female. But I know it was my error in not properly labeling this topic. but thank you very much for your highly experienced opinion it was very much appreciated.
thank you so much you dear hearts
hugs and love Tatiana
Right now, since I identify as a woman, being a cis male sounds boring and lifeless BUT if I was born a cis male, that would be irrelevant since I would be happy with who I was and life would be easier. So basically, even if it hurts to say it, I would choose to be an attractive cis man.
Hello Dani
I really understand what you're saying about crippling dysphoria and I'm sure we both know the power it contains to repress who we really are. I actually suffered to the point of complete physical breakdown at age 45 unable to function at all.
Very sweet of you to drop in with your opinion dear.
All the best to you love Tatiana
Hello CharlieNicki,
My compliments on you seeing right to the core of what I meant. You really hit the nail right on the head.
Being CIS male would alleviate us of previous dysphoria and all the burdens from transitioning because we would be comfortable in our own skin right from the start.
but it seems like a lot of members would not give up transitioning for anything. right now I personally would have rather been born CIS male because I would have been spared all that negativity that plagued me for many decades and I would still be working now and more functional than I am now but I do have hope for the future.
I just started HRT yesterday it'll be interesting to see in a few years what my position is on this then I'm hoping a few good years will balance out all the Decades of negativity and leave the rest of my life to be lived in skin that's comfortable.
Thank you so much with your wise response all the best love Tatiana
Quote from: Devlyn on July 06, 2018, 12:10:44 PM
I think you'll get nearly 100% agreement...in this subforum. In Transgender Talk the numbers would shift. I love being transgender, it's opened up a second life for me.
Hugs, Devlyn
Dk Devlyn. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I think if we were born into a accepting society and culture it would be different, but it's not just being trans, but everyone's perception of sex and gender. If people can't relate, it's wrong.
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Hey Gertrude
thanks so much for jumping in and I agree 100% with your feelings.
one thing that I will not accept is society's views and all the cultural taboos well at least in my Tiny Town of 200 because I personally already swayed about a quarter of the population here over to our side and my job is not done yet.
so if you don't like something try changing it and know it can be done well at least here in the middle of nowhere.
Thanks so much for your very respected opinion
All the best to you love Tatiana
I would not prefer to be cisgender in either regard. Life would be different if I was a man, even though I have only known I was a woman for a few months. If I was born a cisgender woman my life would have less stress from transitioning. In either case, my identity is formed around being a woman who thought they were a man their whole life. I don't think it is easy being trans, but I will take being me anyday to accepting another life.
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Thank you for your interesting viewpoint
LadyLove
I found it pretty deep and insightful.
It's true we can only live and take things day-by-day but always need to play the hand we're dealt the best we can.
thank you so much for jumping in Lady Love
hugs and love Tatiana
Okay I tallied up the results as best I could here it is.
CIS F- 5
CIS M - 2
love being trans-6
But because I believe I miss labeled my initial topic label, because I was in the MTF forum. I mistakenly assumed that I meant either CIS male not CIS female.
so I believe I should move the five from CIS female to trans
results
rather been CIS m- 2
rather been Trans- 11
Very interesting results thank you all for your very kind participation
love you all Tatiana
Without a doubt, cis female or male. If I was cis, I'm doubtful I would have a preference as to gender.
Thank you so much Nikki,
for your very interesting reply you were the only one out on this thread with that response. I know exactly what you mean with your reply I am also in this camp but found out that we're in the minority on this thread as most are enjoying the Journey of transition.
but I really do hope my position will change after a few years.
All the best to you love Tatiana
thank you very much for your unique imput.
My immediate reaction was "Of course I'd rather just be born female! Things would've been so much easier that way!"
But then, I thought:
1. Transitioning opens up a whole new range of things for me to experience, and life experience, imo, can be the foundation of much good writing. Pain lends meaning to art, so in a way, suffering makes my job easier. :)
2. I think being trans has made me more open-minded; I've been more adventurous and willing to explore my convictions and beliefs because of my identity. Knowing something is wrong with me prompted me to look at my world and question if maybe something was wrong with it, too. If I hadn't been born trans, I may have ended up like my sister--submissive to an extremely conservative family, never thinking for myself, married to a guy at 20 and having kids at 21 (maybe sooner, in my theoretical case).
3. Being submissive to my family, and not having that extra little indication that something was wrong, I probably wouldn't have found the courage to explore my sexuality, and even if I'd turned out bi (as I did in this life) I don't think I'd be part of the LGBTQ-mmunity.
So basically, if I had been born cis, there's a good chance I'd be missing out on everything awesome that defines me. I like to think there's an alternate-reality version of me out there that was born the right way (I actually used to daydream about that sort of thing long before I knew I was trans) but if I were given the choice, this is the life I'd choose to live.
This is a question that I just cannot answer. It's amusing as a thought experiment, but I wholly lack sufficient data. I was never born cis. I have no point of reference. The problem is like division by zero in mathematics. It's undefined.
I would stay transgender but have the world change its attitude.
Sonja.
Thank you so much Dustkitten
For your very insightful perspective.
I found it very inspirational for me, for your idea of without pain there is no gain.
You really got me thinking about my position here, which is in the minority on this thread with your deep well worded response. I'm so glad you dropped in with this angle to share with everyone. Well done dear
Hugs and love to you my friend Tatiana
Thanks so much Jane for popping in to share your opinion with everyone.
I do get your point, know that it's well appreciated and adds with everyone else's opinion to get a collective View of the big picture.
thank you so much sweetheart
Hugs and love to you my friend Tatiana
Thanks Sonja
It's really been very interesting for me to get everyone's opinion on this question.
One other thing Sonja, I know this is going to sound a bit crazy but if you don't like something, know that it is possible to sway people's opinion about us and start to change the world yourself one person at a time.
This idea is the basis of what I talked about on the big forum with my Utopia thread. I think you might find it interesting I believe if everyone worked together we really could start eroding all these old fashioned taboos that we all hate. I really do appreciate your opinion my friend.
all the best love Tatiana
It's true that being trans and transitioning still as a teenager gave me a unique perspective on life, which has been useful for the many following challenges life presents you with. It can definitely be a beautiful journey, at times. However, I'm not going to be hypocritical and lie about my intent, and while it's true something beautiful can emerge from the brokenness, and you can indeed learn to appreciate it, I would still much rather having been born a biological woman. Because if I had been born as such, I could one day give birth, have my babies, marry without problem and not have transness stick its way into romantic relationships and ruin an otherwise good connection. I can't think of many positives to this unique experience, it gives you additional harships you most often have to face by yourself and causes a lot of pain. But I guess pain is part of life.
Quote from: Janes Groove on July 06, 2018, 10:15:01 PM
This is a question that I just cannot answer. It's amusing as a thought experiment, but I wholly lack sufficient data. I was never born cis. I have no point of reference. The problem is like division by zero in mathematics. It's undefined.
Hello Tatiana
I have read the whole thread. Of course, we all would have preferred to have been born cis female but your question asks about being born cis male.
I have thought hard about this one and I rarely sit on the fence and would not take a side in a debate unless I had any evidence one way or the other.
So I agree with Jane. I have no evidence what it would have been like to be born cis male. I cannot "vote". It is like making a retrospective judgement when no initial evidence or data or plan was made. It is undefined.
Hugs
Pamela
Dear Aurorasky and Pamela
Thanks so much for your insights and opinions on this topic.
And to Aurorasky I am so happy for you that you started treatment at a very young age which is quite advantageous compared to me waiting for half a decade which only resulted in me completely breaking down and becoming unfunctional but you will be spared all this my dear and live out a normal life being as one under your own skin.
Thank you so much for your participation ladies I appreciate it very much.
I have some earth-shattering information, well at least to me that I will soon be releasing on the Forum.
all my love to the both of you, Tatiana
With out a doubt, cis female. The only other way would be that I started transitioning in my preteen years. That way I wouldn't of had to struggle all these years hiding my true self.
Being born a "proper CIS male"? Ugh!! No way!!! Born CIS female? Absolutly!! It would negated having to miss some experiences, and dealing with a lot of hassles.
Missed experience-wise, I still resent the fact that I never had children, and (no offense is intended to those of us who had children in the biologically male fashion) I found the the thought of fathering children (even as a sperm donor post-op) repulsive, so that was a no-go for me. Adopting children would have been great, but at my age, being single, and with my past history, it's problematic at best to do so. I also hate that I missed prom (nope, I refused to even consider going in guy mode), possibly joining a sorority while in college, etc.
With regards to hassles, there were the 20 lost years of my life - 1978 (when I came out to my parents as a 15 year old seeking help, and was thoroughly rebuffed by them - it became much worse the following year, when they found it the "problem hadn't gone away") to 1998 (when I started to transition - despite not having enough money to see things through to SRS [which didn't matter, because I had become downright suicidal]). Not only did I have to deal with resistance and hostility from those who knew about my situation (and even those who didn't but bullied me because it was obvious that "something was off about me", which is always a magnet for bullies), but there was the distinct lack of resources for help in that time (I had no idea where to turn for help in the upper Midwest - even my "progressive" [it's always been more PC that progressive] alma mater the University of Wisconsin, had zero for transition resources). Throw into the mix running out of money, and taking a huge cut in pay due to corporate downsizing in 2002 (with job prospects being few and far between due to a recession going on at the time), which threw me into a deep depression, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, due to the fact that my worst fear seemed to be coming to fruition - that I was going to be permanently stalled out as a pre-op, due to being flat broke.
Then throw in that (due to the above circumstances) I wasn't able to have my SRS until late 2003, when I was 40 years old (I had no desire to have romantic relationships with a man as a pre-op). Ask any hetero woman, and they will tell you that it is difficult at best to have romantic relationships when you're 40 or older. There is the common problem that people older than 40 have, of having less social opportunities to meet other people your age (not many 40-plus people go clubbing, and or go to mixers). Single, 40-plus year old guys are all too often either confirmed bachelors, gay, or creeps who are divorcees for damn good reasons. There also seem to be a lot fewer men from my generation (I'm an early Gen Xer), who are willing to have serious relationships with a woman who is a post-op TS (yeah, sooner or later, if you're in a serious long term relationship with the guy, he has a right to know that little tidbit of information IMO), than from the following generations. Also, when you hit middle age, long work hours and a general lack of energy (even if you exercise like I do), really curtail socializing. Yep, it seems that what they say is true - romance is for the young. Most long term relationships with a significant other start when you are younger (20s and 30s age-wise), but as I mentioned earlier, when I was younger (especially when I was in college and had some serious crushes on some of my male classmates), things were a mess for me, with regards to transitioning. To add insult to injury, I was told by my SRS surgeon that I was microphallic, and therefore the surgical results would been a disaster (can you say no depth?) by the standard penile inversion technique, that was the state of the art when I was in college in the 1980s, due to me not even not even having enough tissue to surgically relocate things to the proper anatomical location. In a nutshell, SRS would have more than likely been a No Go for me when I was in college.
Do I regret transitioning, and having SRS - not for a microsecond, EVER. Still, it would have been nice to avoid all of the hassles I had to go through transition-wise, and it would have been nice to have the opportunities a CIS-woman has available to her, available to me.
Thanks for jumping in Donica
And yes I feel very much the way you do I sure do wish I could have started pre-puberty but that just wasn't done in the 60s. and definitely would save us from a lifetime of hardships we had to endure before seeking treatment.
I personally waited way too long and had to breakdown being completely non-functional and then wait another 10 years to boot. I myself just started HRT a few days ago but I also feel wondrous and very excited for the future because I was cursed with horrific insomnia for decades but today I woke up getting seven and a half hours of sleep continuously. But I realize most of this is due to placebo and anticipation for the future having a dream that's beginning to materialize.
I would only average about getting that much sleep in a week's time but now I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and much more concisely clearly thinking then possibly I ever have been.
thank you so much dear for your opinion it really counts.
hugs and love Tatiana
My journey has indeed been insanely interesting. It has given me insight into a part of life that I, otherwise, would have been ignorant about.
But after all is said and done, my preference would be to have been born genetically female. (The only drawback being that I may not have met my husband and that would be a moment of great indescribable sadness to me; the thought of which I do not like to think about -- but I would never have met him or would I??.)
Dear Ellen
Gosh I feel we are so similar in some ways but on the path we are at opposite ends. I feel great respect for
where you're at sweetheart compared to me starting HRT the day before yesterday but none the less we are both cuts from the same cloth.
I'm from the tail end of the Baby Boomers but I think our parents were pretty similar because all I got was humiliation, called freak
and sometimes even the belt for always finding my little stash of clothes. No understanding whatsoever in that era of the mid-60s.
plus I see we are Neighbors I'm just above you in upper Michigan about 50 miles outside of Marquette. It's quite interesting some members are really enjoying every second of transition even as you said there are many hassles.
But thank you so much for your highly valued opinion especially coming from you dear.
all the best love Tatiana
Thanks herekitten
Your reply sounds kind of joyful to me with your interesting journey and relationship with your husband.
I'm really happy for you because it sounds like you're in love with him and I think thats wonderful. I'm so glad for you the way things worked out without possibly compromising the chance of meeting your husband.
Thank you so much with your perspective on this question.
Hugs and love Tatiana
Quote from: Tatiana 79 on July 07, 2018, 03:15:54 PM
Dear Ellen
Gosh I feel we are so similar in some ways but on the path we are at opposite ends. I feel great respect for
where you're at sweetheart compared to me starting HRT the day before yesterday but none the less we are both cuts from the same cloth.
I'm from the tail end of the Baby Boomers but I think our parents were pretty similar because all I got was humiliation, called freak
and sometimes even the belt for always finding my little stash of clothes. No understanding whatsoever in that era of the mid-60s.
plus I see we are Neighbors I'm just above you in upper Michigan about 50 miles outside of Marquette. It's quite interesting some members are really enjoying every second of transition even as you said there are many hassles.
But thank you so much for your highly valued opinion especially coming from you dear.
all the best love Tatiana
Hi Tatiana,
Yep things were different back in the day. I was estranged from my parents from early 2000 till late 2003, due to my refusal to be their son. Luckily I reconciled with them a few weeks before my SRS (though my brother and sister are still pretty distant with me). My dad, sadly died from cancer (I helped take care of him 3 days before he died) back in 2015. I'm as close if not closer to my mom, than I was before I transitioned (I'm the one she always talks to, when things are bothering her - especially family related issues [like the drug problems my niece is having at the present time]). I may live 90 miles away from my mom nowadays (I live in the metro Milwaukee area - one of the 'burbs), but we still keep in pretty close contact with each other. I took vacation from work, just a few weeks ago, to take my mom to Green Bay for some cardiac surgery, and her post-surgery follow-up appointment. Do I have resentment about the way her and dad dealt with me when I was younger? Yes, but it's not very high - both of my parents helped out financially when I was recovering from my SRS (I was flat broke, and I will never forget them helping to cover paying my bills, while I was off of work recovering from surgery), and my dad (who took it VERY hard when I transitioned - unlike mom, he really thought I had "gotten over it", until I told him in early 1999) did eventually acknowledge me as his daughter.
So you're yooper? My uncle was stationed a KI Sawyer AFB, when he was in the Air Force. Technically, I grew up in the southeast corner of yooperland (Manitowoc, in northeastern Wisconsin), so I can do yooperspeak with the best of them, since so many people speak that way, where I come from (even though it is 60 or 70 miles south of the Marinette/Menominee area - the nearest point for the state line with the UP). Sometimes I miss living in that neck of the woods, but besides wanting more anonymity (I transitioned while working at a Manitowoc company, that employed several hundred people - yeah my transition was pretty public), the job opportunities were disappearing in my hometown, due to so many companies shutting down or moving out. I make the drive to hang out with/visit my mom every few weeks (sometime this month, we're thinking of taking a day trip to Peninsula State Park, up near the tip of the Door Peninsula - when I was a kid we used camp there very often).
Oh, I forgot to mention - as for you being a baby boomer? It depends. The starting point for Gen X is kind of disputed. Some say cut-off point is being born in 1965, others say it's being born in 1961 or 1962. I was born in 1963, and I've never really had a baby boomer mindset, so I consider myself a Gen Xer. :)
Quote from: Sonja on July 06, 2018, 10:29:35 PM
I would stay transgender but have the world change its attitude.
Sonja.
That starts with us.
Not me. I feel like I get a second round at life :)
I really can't say until I'm out on the "other side" as mtf. I know it'll take years for that to happen... Whether cis or trans, I just want peace either way. It's others in the world that decide being cis is more agreeable... Not just cishetero people, but people who may be questioning their gender identity. Why is being trans so taboo?
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Quote from: Tatiana 79 on July 06, 2018, 04:17:46 PM
Hey Gertrude
thanks so much for jumping in and I agree 100% with your feelings.
one thing that I will not accept is society's views and all the cultural taboos well at least in my Tiny Town of 200 because I personally already swayed about a quarter of the population here over to our side and my job is not done yet.
so if you don't like something try changing it and know it can be done well at least here in the middle of nowhere.
Thanks so much for your very respected opinion
All the best to you love Tatiana
I'm married with children and that complicates things. While I live over 2000 miles from either family, I'm not out to them. I'm out to my kids, wife and a select few friends, but that's it. I've never thought of myself as an agent of change. I'd prefer to be an ambassador, maybe, but I don't have progressive people skills in confrontational situations. I'll be quiet for a long time taking it and then the 5'2 sicilian comes out of this 6'5 body. It takes a lot, but if the switch gets flipped, it's not good.
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I wish I had accepted it earlier in life and transitioned sooner. I have always known how I was inside, I wish I had done something about it a lot sooner.
I must say I find this extremely interesting and thank everyone very much for expressing their own opinion and making this thread really work for us to gain others insight collectively to see where we're all at with this idea.
To Jane we feel the same on this one and I love your response that it's starts with us. You're darn right girl if all could just sway a few people's opinions it could catch on and spread like a wildfire.
That's exactly my attitude of, if you don't like something change it.
and one person can make a difference this is exactly what I'm doing where I live and how I'm doing it is described in my creating my own Utopia thread on the big forum. And I have to say it's working better than I expected but I still have more work to do.
and Laser girl I too feel I'm getting a second chance at life. My first chance at life really sucked for a half a century but finally now I want to use my starting transition to regain the things that were all ripped out of me and just be healthy and sleep better are my priorities and I'm hoping this is a pivot point in my life to achieve this. now that I'm positive that I found the root problem that really screwed me up there's going to be no stopping me now that I know it's already working.
And to Allison I'm sure one day girl you'll find that inner peace you're looking for as your brain and body work together more harmoniously.
And I think the reason for why Society views trans so taboo is due to their ignorance of the facts.
Throughout history Society has always discriminated what they don't understand but I know the number of days are limited as more become aware of the facts.
Similar to the old days when people with Leprosy were very discriminated against and made to live together on an island or some confined space and were thought to have been cursed by God
But today we understand it's just a disease that can be treated and it is no longer discriminated against as we shouldn't be any different than any other medical condition. But it takes time for society to catch up with the science but as I said before the days of this are numbered but unfortunately that day is not today.
And to Gertrude I think you're taking a very honorable position giving the priority to your wife and children ahead of your own desires.
the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. Sorry but I'm just the old Trekkie but mr. Spock's logic holds true.
and I tell you what you can be the ambassador and I'll be the Agent of Change because it's just me and my wife and I can afford to stick my neck out a little more and am doing this.
And Rose both of our ages are pretty close and I also wish I would have started this much sooner and avoided the crash and burn I had when I was 45. but that was the past and I'm glad we're both here now to interact and learn from others just like we're doing right now.
I think that will be very therapeutic for both of us.
I know it definitely is for me and I hope it is for you to.
Thank you so much ladies I've actually learned a lot from all of you and appreciate it very much.
It seems like we're all out of the same mold here but our environmental pressures very immensely
all we can do is play the hand of cards of life and try to play that hand the best we can and it seems collectively learning from each other we sure have a better chance then alone.
love you all very much Tatiana
Mmmm it would be no from me at this time I'm actually enjoying this amazing adventure
But I dunno I think I would not like to be a cis male though I am male.....though that's changed
I have always expressed how lucky we are to be able to live two lives in a lifetime, we are the special ones. I have always looked at the positives and loved my life as a male and now love my life as a female.
I don't know how "lucky" we are... Not when I hear my friends being targeted and violently attacked. I respect your views but not all of us have had the oppurtunities you have. Not even close
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
Hello Drexy/Drex
From the beautiful land down under.
thank you very much for your opinion and I'm so glad that you're enjoying the Amazing Adventure you're on, and the big beautiful smile that you project definitely substantiates your feelings on this.
I noticed that were only one year apart in age, and your living in beautiful Perth.
My wife's best friend in high school moved to Perth several years ago and just loves it and I've seen many beautiful pictures that she sent us. She's a doctor at one of the major hospitals in your fair City.
I found everyone's response very interesting some are enjoying it like yourself but others wish they never had to do it.
Thank you very much for your Insight.
And to Warlockmaker
I just love your very positive attitude
of loving both roles you have been in. You've definitely got your stuff together girl for focusing on the positive.
I have always really enjoyed reading your stuff you truly set the bar pretty high and I am sure you have helped many members here and set an excellent example here at Susan's especially for newbies like myself.
I can't say I loved my earlier life and feel I have grown up very repressed and isolated with my feelings because back in the 60s I had no one to talk to and felt I was the only one in the world with these feelings.
later on it got a little better for me but holding all these feelings in for almost half a century resulted in me crashing and burning as my psychiatrist says at age 45, being left completely unfunctional. but now at age 56 I feel much better because I just started HRT a few days ago and know it's the right thing to do to fix myself from these past feelings.
but now I do feel lucky to have a chance of being more functional and healthy and comfortable in my own skin. This is something that I have always wanted from about Age 4 but never dreamed it would happen but now it is within my grasp.
Thank you so much for jumping into this thread and spreading your positive attitude I'm sure that it has affected other members but I know it affected me.
You're definitely a tremendous asset to have at Susan's with your very experienced and wise words.
I thank you both very much with your very positive attitudes I believe it will be quite contagious here.
Hugs and love to both of you Tatiana
Very interesting thoughts. I don't know if being born cis would have been the best. I would rather have transitioned 50 yrs ago but things messed that up.
So in my mind being born male and now being able to really move my life ahead as a female is even a greater joy for me. I have been able to live both sides as all of us have and I don't think I could trade that life experiance in for a singular existence. Heck if I was born female would I now be FtM. One will never know but I know this path is more than perfect in
My mind, heart and soul.
Hey Allison
I know that you were referring to Warlockmakers reply
And I must say I am absolutely horrified of the violence that you described. I am aware of this from reading some unconscionable discrimination that does exist from these jerks and feel very sorry for those who have to endure this kind of treatment, and that this is reality.
but know this dear that change is possible. I personally refuse to abide by other people's ancient taboos.
I know that my situations almost unique in my Tiny Town where most people would stick up for me and have my back and the jerks would then be in the minority and they would be the ones chased down if they were foolish enough to try and do this to me as I have described in my Utopia topic In the big forum.
But I don't believe I could pull this off in more urban environments because everyone's a stranger there, but up where I live everyone's my friend and they can see me already improving in my health and they're very happy that I'm getting better even knowing that I'm trans.
Love you girl Tatiana
Well worded Donna
I also wish I could have started 50 years ago instead of three days ago but I don't even know if that existed back in the 60s. Back then my own parents we're trying to embarrass and humiliate me and even sometimes I'd get the belt but not very often but I do believe they were trying to do their best with me with the knowledge they had so I don't really blame them one bit.
I must say I do find your words very inspirational to me and thank you very much for your opinion.
all the best love Tatiana
50 yrs ago or 3 days. The most important part is you are on your journey. It would have been way more difficult for sure back then but it is getting better all the time. With more time and education we can all be the humans that we know we are with no judgement or opinion.
Best of all is be happy and confident in your choices
Thank you for being such a sweetheart Donna
Dear I think your reply made me feel the best out of them all. Because of your kind words I really now feel that I do fit in to this group compared to the rest of my life where I never felt like I could fit into any group. Before I started HRT I never felt quite right talking to all of you experienced members. But for the first time I do and if you could see the smile on my face that I can't get off you'd understand the impact you had on me.
Honey I will never forget this moment thank you so much.
Definitely looking forward to talking to you in the future and see what it holds for both of us.
all of my love Tatiana
Thank you for the comments. Believe me I don't know it all and I am learning all the time as well but that smile will go thru your entire body and go on and on. It's so nice to hear you are felling your true self and the inner piece that comes with it.
Love you dear
Hello again all
Just to let you all know that Tatiana is a great friend of mine and we became each other's first buddies even though she is from US and I from UK; distance is nothing thankfully on Susans.
I first entered at comment 35 stating just like Jane that I have no evidence and hence could not "vote" whether I would have preferred to have been born cismale simply because I was not born cismale; I have always known I was trans and never believed I was cis and have no experience of cis.
However this debate seems to have moved on to two other related subjects and that is quite acceptable and I shall address those briefly:
1. I am absolutely 100% certain that I would have preferred to have been born Cisfemale as my body and mind would thus be aligned and I would not have to suffer all the misfortune that being trans has entailed. This included originally thinking as a child I was mad, disapproval from my parents at crossdressing and not fitting in either at school or later in society as a whole essentially due to I knowing and others realising "there being something wrong with me" and to all intents and purposes a lifetime of depression only temporarily alleviated by burying and suppressing that I am trans.
2. Like Ellen and Tatiana those of us born in 1950s and 1960s had no information as to how to deal with our situation even at the terrible point of puberty and indeed not really till the time of the internet and until transgender became part of the public domain (IMHO since 2000) but there has always been and still is but less so the added problem that trans is a "social taboo". It is not yet accepted either because the opposition does not like us or think ours is choice of lifestyle or because the opposition does not understand and sometimes does not wish to understand. That answer as already pointed out is education and in time I am confident we will be accepted but we need to campaign and we must give it time. We will get there.
I also regret doing nothing about my transgender status till age 62 but I have no doubts I am right to confront it; as you see I am 5 months HRT and intending public transition in 2019.
Love and Hugs to you all
Pamela
Thank you Tatiana for the kind words. I do know I am lucky to pass easily and thus enjoy life in peace. But I was never miserable as a male, to the contrary, loved my life as a male. My philosophy has always been to look for the good and enjoy the moment. So why change, you may ask? I grew up not knowing about tgs, just knew I was not gay. So I assumed all males had hidden fantasies and this was mine. When I found out there was an option I decided that after I concluded my many family responsibilities that I would change. Thus, I changed without guilt and had full support of family and friends. I encourage others to not be hateful or blame their misery on being a tg. Look at all the wonders the journey has taken us and the joirneys still to be discovered.
I would love to have been born cis-female.. As a trans I am a well adjusted woman and very happy.. but if I was born cis, I would be able to conceive and have a baby with the man I love.
I know that adoption is an option, and that is how I will become a mother some day, but to be able to carry my own child to term would have being special. I have two friends that have had kids and they say.. pregnancy can be uncomfortable, giving birth is painful, but the whole pregnancy experience is magical and they would do it again.. My one friend meant it, as she is currently pregnant with her second one.
Plus being born cis-female, I would have been able to be a teenage girl...
The life you'e lived made you the person you are today. Wouldn't make a change.
Quote from: Devlyn on July 06, 2018, 12:10:44 PM
I think you'll get nearly 100% agreement...in this subforum. In Transgender Talk the numbers would shift. I love being transgender, it's opened up a second life for me.
Hugs, Devlyn
Thanks for this Devlyn. This is a great reminder that we can love being trans and not feel shame. This is a quite enjoyable ride, but honestly I would have preferred to go through it at 16, or be cis female and just go through puberty instead.
Bari Jo
Quote from: noleen111 on July 09, 2018, 07:58:21 AM
I would love to have been born cis-female.. As a trans I am a well adjusted woman and very happy.. but if I was born cis, I would be able to conceive and have a baby with the man I love.
I know that adoption is an option, and that is how I will become a mother some day, but to be able to carry my own child to term would have being special. I have two friends that have had kids and they say.. pregnancy can be uncomfortable, giving birth is painful, but the whole pregnancy experience is magical and they would do it again.. My one friend meant it, as she is currently pregnant with her second one.
Plus being born cis-female, I would have been able to be a teenage girl...
Absolutely agree, I wished I'd been born cis-female, some say transition is an ''enjoyable ride'' it wasn't for me, transition is a pain, mood swings on hrt, months of electrolysis hair removal, then the surgeries, FFS then breast augmentation, the FFS was painful, then tracheal shave and SRS, I was just relieved when it was all over, finally have a female body matching my female mind, I've adjust to life successfully now as a married woman, but can't conceive my husband's child, if only I was born cis I'd never have gone through the pain of transition and maybe be a Mom too.
Gosh ladies I'm pretty overwhelmed by getting this much response.
I really find it very fascinating by
The diversity of everyone's opinions
and really appreciate everyone's input.
Hey Pamela
right back at you girlfriend
I definitely feel very honored and privileged to have you as my first buddy here.
It's something that I know I will never forget. I know that we share much of the same feelings of our upbringing in that era with our parents , schooling and our faith. at that time we really had no resource whatsoever. I also felt like I was going mad because I knew something was very wrong but had to just live with it feeling very isolated and alone and it was something that you dare not even talk about it.
The few times that I did talk about it with my parents at a very young age all I got was a lot of humiliation and embarrassment from them and I don't blame them I think they were just trying to do the best they could with the knowledge that existed then.
So I learned very quickly to clam up and never mention it again. Which lead to a very repressed development which haunted me my whole life but I very recently was able to crack out of the shell that was imprinted upon me. At least now Pamela we can both move forward together in today's era that is much more accepting then the one we grew up in and hopefully live the rest of our lives with our inner identity and our physical being more in harmony with each other and experience comfort in our own skin for the first time.
Love you GF for being there for me as I always will be for you.
And to Warlockmaker I just love your very positive attitude and hope a little bit of it rubs off on me. I'm so happy for you that you're so passable and so gorgeous girl and you can live your life in peace.
but I to want to live out the rest of my life in peace even though I don't ever think I'll be passable that's why I've been grooming my tiny little town in the middle of nowhere slowly and steadily and very determined to make it work until it becomes reality.
I personally contact one or a group of people and slowly break into it until I can see it in their eyes that they're on my side. And so far this plan has been working out better than I ever expected which provides me more encouragement and confidence that eventually I'll have majority support on our side instead of the other way around that usually occurs in the big city. I'm determined to do this but it's really a piece of cake because everyone here is my friend and they've all seen me in really rough condition and they all want me to recover from this and feel better and this takes precedence over me being trans.
Danielle's got a thread going on positive mindset and I think you could be something like the poster girl in that thread spreading your magic with your awesome positive attitude. I hope you visit it if you already haven't.
And Noleen you definitely deserve my compliments to be where you're at now and very happy it must feel wonderful. I will definitely be rooting for you to raise your daughter as you always wanted to do
With your high level of confidence I'm sure you'll make a wonderful mother
Even though it won't occur as you indicated here I believe you will find great fulfillment with your daughter none the less.
I really hope your future exceeds any expectations that you have now.
best wishes that your hopes become reality. I believe that you will still find this a magical experience none the less.
And to Denise your attitude of not wanting to change a thing implies to me that everything turned out the way you wanted and succeeded with your goals is awesome. You truly must have your act in order my congratulations to you dear.
And to Bari Joe thank you very much for your opinion and pointing out that we can still love being trans and feel no shame. I find this statement extremely powerful and also very correct. Why should we feel any shame whatsoever we were completely absent choice with this decision it's merely a medical condition that hasn't been pinned down by science yet.
People that have medical conditions that have been pinned down and figured out by science feel no shame so why should we
I know that were all affected by what the majority of society says, I also am certain that the number of days of this type of mentality are numbered and one day we will be treated no different than any other medical condition.
And Pauline even though it was not an enjoyable ride for you, you did what you had to do to bring your body and brain or identity to a state of Harmony. Hats off to you dear for achieving this.
I don't have enough thanks and Praise for all of your insights it was so incredibly interesting to hear everyone's opinion. Especially for a newbie like me that just arrived here a couple months ago without any trans knowledge. I thank each and everyone of you and have learned much from each experience.
I never would have dreamed this thread would have got this much response apparently I was not the only one that found this very interesting and mere words cannot express my thanks for everyone's participation ladies.
You really helped me far more than you can even imagine. This was my very first thread that I tried to stay interactive with ever. and feel very privileged and starting to feel worthy enough to even be here.
All of my love to each and everyone of you, Tatiana
Thank you Tatiana for all your kind words.
Congratulations on your first topic and that it became such a really interesting thread.
You have always been worthy to be here as nothing has to be earned here. You are simply one of us and here on Susans we debate, we share and we help. You have done that since your arrival.
Love to you too GF and many hugs
Pamela
Quote from: pretty pauline on July 09, 2018, 03:59:49 PM
Absolutely agree, I wished I'd been born cis-female, some say transition is an ''enjoyable ride'' it wasn't for me, transition is a pain, mood swings on hrt, months of electrolysis hair removal, then the surgeries, FFS then breast augmentation, the FFS was painful, then tracheal shave and SRS, I was just relieved when it was all over, finally have a female body matching my female mind, I've adjust to life successfully now as a married woman, but can't conceive my husband's child, if only I was born cis I'd never have gone through the pain of transition and maybe be a Mom too.
It makes me happy to see someone that shares this perspective with me. I haven't enjoyed a single part of transition so far and I can't understand how anyone can say this process is enjoyable or awesome, unless they're masochists...I just feel like I'm constantly struggling with depression, sadness, doubts and fears in every step of the way, trying to find a balance and a sense of normalcy and stability again. The physical pain of laser and surgery is nothing compared to the mental and emotional one I've been through in this entire process. It's awesome to see that you are a success story so maybe there's hope for me one day, but in the meantime this freaking sucks.
Hey CharlieNicki
I was actually just corresponding with Pauline minutes ago and also called her a success story.
But Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, you and Pauline are on one end of the spectrum and some are on the other end.
The ones that are enjoying the journey I believe are telling the truth.
Everyone's approaching this from a different angle and their own perspective and everyone's story varies greatly enough to produce the wide range of opinions here.
thanks for your opinion.
All the best love Tatiana
100% wish I had been born cisfemale no question there. I wouldn't be stuck in a ->-bleeped-<-ty life spot atm. also wouldn't deal with my family being rude to me 24/7
There was a time... many times, in fact, that I would have said yes. In a heartbeat. It would have saved me so much pain, heartache, loss, struggle, anguish, sleepless nights and just all round unpleasantness.
But now... no. No I wouldn't. Because, as my signature translates to: "Nature does nothing in vain." Everything happens for a reason. And I think I am who I am for a reason. Without wanting to sound big headed or anything, I believe being who I am and dealing with everything I've had to deal with has allowed me to help others dealing with the same. It has allowed me to find my purpose in life. To help others. To draw on my experience for the benefit of offering a helping hand to those in need. And doing that makes me happy. Seeing someone smile after being in the depths of abject misery... makes me smile.
I believe that is my reason for being here. And being born the way I was... living my life the way I have... has facilitated that. It happened for a reason. I am who I am because it allowed me to do what I feel I am capable of doing.
Being born cis would have made me someone else. My life would have been completely different. Physically, and mentally different. And sure, speaking for how I feel in my own head... that would have been the preferable choice. Maybe I would have been happier. But would others have been happier? I don't know... and honestly, that's what I care about more. I believe my life has been how it has in order to make me who I am, and to make me capable of doing what I feel I am in a position to do.
So, for me, I weigh up how I feel versus how countless other people feel because of something I've said or done. And on balance... I would rather be who I am now. As the great sage Spock once said: "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... or the one." :D
Thanks Sephirah and Lilly
Since I started this thread I've been trying to reply back to everyone that voiced their opinion.
I just figure if someone spends their time to reply back to me the least I could do is to reply back to them.
First Sephirah,
I know that I really don't know you, but from after hearing your words on my other thread, and now on this one I sense that you have a deep pool of knowledge, caring and insight that is extraordinary.
And I love your bottom line attitude of helping others.
I think your position on this is incredibly honorable. And I kind of know what you mean by this. Truly the reward is in the giving and not the receiving.
And I also sense you being here is a tremendous asset to everyone.
Even though we are light years apart I too have experienced this Joy of giving. In the introduction forums I merely pointed out a few basic things to, I think her name was Kristy, and out of all the things I did in my life mechanic, drummer or whatever.
But because of this simple Act I received more reward out of this than anything else I have done in my entire life so I kind of know what you mean by your giving attitude. and feeling better for it, even though I would surmise you have done it thousands of times and I have done it one time the effect was the same.
I see that you're also a Trekkie. I also have used the logic of the wise mr. Spock with that line and a few others here at Susan's. And the privilege has been all mine dear experiencing your presence here.
And to Lily,
Thank you for your valued opinion on this thread that became quite fascinating to me due to the diversity of the opinions.
Love you both Tatiana
I have, on many occasions, given this very subject a lot of thought. I love my children and would never be able to live without them. My first wife (their mother), not so much. So had I been female things would have been different - way different, and my children different too. Wrestle with that for a moment. What if I hadn't had children at all? History would have been different altogether for me. Indeed, the world could have been entirely different, because you or me or any one of us could have been the catalyst for some major world altering event. The world could have been a better place had I been female from the start, or I could have altered things in a more evil way - who knows. You can grapple with these thoughts until your brain explodes. Or go have a G&T and dance the night away and just take life as it comes.
L
Hello Leslie
I really can tell that you have given this subject a lot of thought and can sense your passion.
I have never had any children so I can't quite identify on the same level you're at.
You're absolutely right one person can potentially change the world with a different angle at looking at something that has never been thought of before, like the cure for cancer or something else that's revolutionary.
I really love your attitude with the ending of your reply.
which I take as no need to stress about the uncontrollable and take life as it comes to us and play our hand of cards from the deck of life the best we can. Thank you very much for your response in this thread.
Love Tatiana
No question about it. If I could have be born CIS female I'd have been much happier. That wasn't to be sadly we make the best of what we are given. :)
Hello Krobinson,
Thank you for your reply
Yes it most definitely would have been easier for us to have been born this way. And it fits in with the majority of consensus expressed by other members.
Except a few others that feel different and one with a very special reason.
and that one is from Sephirah, and I must say I'm still Blown Away by it days later.
which I can almost parallel to Jesus's suffering for all of us.
But anyways thank you very much for participating in this thread with your valued opinion.
Love Tatiana
I'm AMAB MtF. I, for one, wish I had been born cis, either as a male or a female. However, I'm learning to love myself for who I am and am even learning to like being trans. For now I'm just glad that I don't feel the shame and guilt and resentment toward myself for having my feminine feelings and desires.
Hello Danielle
We share many of the same feelings
I would accept CIS male but would prefer CIS female of course.
Because I wouldn't have had to keep my feelings closeted for half a century resulting me being unfunctional
Either way I came out I'm sure I would still be working and more functional. But hopefully I will still obtain this someday
I'm very glad for you learning to love yourself Just As You Are
And yes there's absolutely no reason to feel shame guilt resentment for yourself. You were completely absent any choice it's merely the way you came out of your mother's womb.
But all we can do now is accept ourselves for who we really are take one day at a time and make the most with what we have.
Thank you very much with your very interesting reply
Love Tatiana.
Quote from: Sephirah on July 11, 2018, 04:50:17 PM
There was a time... many times, in fact, that I would have said yes. In a heartbeat. It would have saved me so much pain, heartache, loss, struggle, anguish, sleepless nights and just all round unpleasantness.
But now... no. No I wouldn't. Because, as my signature translates to: "Nature does nothing in vain." Everything happens for a reason. And I think I am who I am for a reason. Without wanting to sound big headed or anything, I believe being who I am and dealing with everything I've had to deal with has allowed me to help others dealing with the same. It has allowed me to find my purpose in life. To help others. To draw on my experience for the benefit of offering a helping hand to those in need. And doing that makes me happy. Seeing someone smile after being in the depths of abject misery... makes me smile.
I believe that is my reason for being here. And being born the way I was... living my life the way I have... has facilitated that. It happened for a reason. I am who I am because it allowed me to do what I feel I am capable of doing.
Being born cis would have made me someone else. My life would have been completely different. Physically, and mentally different. And sure, speaking for how I feel in my own head... that would have been the preferable choice. Maybe I would have been happier. But would others have been happier? I don't know... and honestly, that's what I care about more. I believe my life has been how it has in order to make me who I am, and to make me capable of doing what I feel I am in a position to do.
So, for me, I weigh up how I feel versus how countless other people feel because of something I've said or done. And on balance... I would rather be who I am now. As the great sage Spock once said: "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... or the one." :D
This is as articulate a response as I have read on this topic in quite a while. I live an authentic life, filled with opportunity, challenge, and joy. My life today has been informed by every experience, every hurt, every blessing, everything I learned, and every lesson transcended. I would not be Julie without spending most of six decades coping with dysphoria. I regret the pain I caused to people who would not or could not understand my path to myself, but I have sought those people out and made what amends that I can for my part.
I celebrate with those who I have seen triumph, and am grateful to have been allowed to walk a bit with them and their journey to authenticity. I was not born one thing and became another. I was born and embarked on a hero's quest to myself. For us, if we survive the journey, the quest is not a pilgrimage to who we became, but to whom we have always been.
Peace
Julie
"And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine." Indigo girls
When this topic comes up (this has to be the 3rd thread like this I've seen) I find myself responding "is this a trick question?".
Of course I'd rather I'd been born as a natal female. However I don't love these speculative questions because one can't really pose it as a "ceteris paribus" situation. Had I been born as the queer female I am, yes some things would have been different, arguably easier. On the other hand with the same family I'd still have had to deal with a parent with antisocial personality disorder coupled with extreme homophobia and she would have recognized lesbian-me which could have been even more painful than being unidentifiably different.
So I have to think being born as cis me would have to be secondary to having been born into a family that was actually caring and supportive.
As others have said, I've live an interesting life and not believing in hypotheticals, I am grateful to feel I've finally landed as my true self. It took a bit over 60 years to get there, I'm thankful I did at all, so many people don't.
Yes I would have rather been born CIS female. But I wouldn't have known I would have been trans.
100 % would have rather been born CIS female
Interesting...
Honest answer is I'd like to have a cis-female body but with the mind and memories I have now...
If i'd have been born cis-female and straight I would not have perhaps experienced those (very few so far) gender euphoria experiences as a female, as I think you have to experience the bad to appreciate the good if that makes sense.
Trouble is, I LOVE gay culture and being a cis-female, I'd have missed out on that mostly.
I definitely would NOT like to have been born cis-male or a straight male. The thought of that is totally abhorrent for me.
So I guess it's down to being born trans or cis-female... That's so difficult so I'll have to cop out and say cis-female with my trans-mind. ;D
No, I like being me. The whole jumbled tangle of me. I do not try to fit myself into anyone else's mold.
I've been pondering that one. The whole journey makes me who I am, and I like who I am. Sure I'm not CIS female but I think even if I had been born that way I'd have ended up a little bit non binary anyway. So maybe it was just the way it was meant to be.
Yes, I would rather be born cis girl
Quote from: Jin on July 30, 2018, 11:38:22 AM
No, I like being me. The whole jumbled tangle of me. I do not try to fit myself into anyone else's mold.
Amen!
Hugs, Devlyn
Absolutely. Cisgender female for me.
But I don't hate my past, and I can look at photographs without being offended and objectively I see a cute toddler, or an older child that I never hated being. Because while I always knew what I was, I honestly don't really think it matters pre puberty. I loved being out on my bike, or climbing a tree, or playing with Barbie and my Playmobil, testing my mothers perfume and make up, or swinging from ropes and scaffolding in construction sites after the workers had gone home. Nobody stopped me doing those things, and they wouldn't have in the other direction either (although I happily covered both gender play stereotypes really). I think my very liberal mother has a right to her grief, which she admits to. I feel some sense of that grief too.
It's not what you want for your child. It's not what I want for mine. Honestly, I'd be heartbroken if they were, because it's hard. Nobody wants their loved ones to have a harder time than average.
It's just one detail, but it's an important one. Everything else fundamental about me would be the same, give or take a few things. I'd probably spend less time dwelling on things, because I wouldn't have learned that habit. I might have had a better time at parties when younger, but I had a good time. One thing I probably wouldn't have done is slept with some of the hideous mistakes I've slept with. They certainly wouldn't have been the same people, some of whom make my fresh creep and did at the time. But I'd probably have a few mistakes anyway along those lines, so six and half a dozen. Hmmm, maybe more like a couple of hundred and six v half a dozen.
I might've been more consistently into stuff like swimming that I loved as a child and gave up as a teenager, for obvious reasons. I'd have probably happily been a social smoker instead of spending years chaining them. And the same with weed, which I smoked daily for years. I've no doubt I'd have been a happily occassional smoker instead. I can see what those kinds of decisions were all about.
I wouldn't change anything else. I basically like myself. I've had an interesting time (this is the least interesting thing about me) and I wouldn't change my family for anything. My close friends are my close friends, and they're fabulous. That's why I chose them.
I would have loved to be born a cis woman. I dreamed about it. I prayed for it. Unfortunately God was listening to Michelle Bachmann at the time and I couldn't get 2 cents worth.
Considering that I'm absolutely convinced that I was born with a female brain, of course I'd want my body to match, so absolutely cis-female. While I applaud those who are finding value and fulfillment in transition, it is not terribly enjoyable for me. While the end result is becoming so worth the fight, the battle itself is very painful for me. The only truly wonderful things that have happened as part of transition is the realization how many people actually love me as myself, no matter how I present, and the opportunity to meet someone who has become one of the most special people in my life.
Tatiana, I'm another Michigander. Grew up in Ypsilanti, worked in Ann Arbor, Novi, and Clinton, and lived all over southeast Michigan, including Clinton township and Rochester. Went to school at Oakland University. I spent almost all my summers growing up on or around the Ausable River. I've hiked Isle Royale, spent time in the Keweenaw Peninsula, visited Pictured Rocks countless times, and spent summers sailing on Traverse Bay. I love the state when it's warm, especially in the autumn with the color change, but I've had enough of snow. Sled dogs sound like tons of fun, though!
Stephanie
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 11, 2018, 10:55:33 AM
It makes me happy to see someone that shares this perspective with me. I haven't enjoyed a single part of transition so far and I can't understand how anyone can say this process is enjoyable or awesome, unless they're masochists...I just feel like I'm constantly struggling with depression, sadness, doubts and fears in every step of the way, trying to find a balance and a sense of normalcy and stability again. The physical pain of laser and surgery is nothing compared to the mental and emotional one I've been through in this entire process. It's awesome to see that you are a success story so maybe there's hope for me one day, but in the meantime this freaking sucks.
I'm not a masochist, how about trying to respect other people's views without applying unwanted labels to them? Presumably you know how hurtful that can be.
Quote from: Devlyn on August 09, 2018, 06:01:09 PM
I'm not a masochist, how about trying to respect other people's views without applying unwanted labels to them? Presumably you know how hurtful that can be.
If it doesn't apply to you, that's wonderful. The label doesn't fit so it's not your label. But this is someone who talked about pain and depression, and that is real. I agree with her; it's horrible, it's hard, it's not a walk in the park as a life experience. Some people are great at learning via pain and trauma, but I think it's not ideal and from a list of life options, this would be way down what most people would choose to experience. Or as I said above, hope that a loved one underwent.
I don't think we should forget that this is someone in the middle of something that's hellish to them, and they're reaching out about that. I think you've laid a bit of a guilt trip there and taken offence where none was intended. I don't really want to get into it much, but I think it's important that someone in real emotional pain and depression should say how they feel. It's not about you or anyone else here. I thought their post was really valid and honest.
Quote from: alex82 on August 09, 2018, 07:55:15 PM
If it doesn't apply to you, that's wonderful. The label doesn't fit so it's not your label. But this is someone who talked about pain and depression, and that is real. I agree with her; it's horrible, it's hard, it's not a walk in the park as a life experience. Some people are great at learning via pain and trauma, but I think it's not ideal and from a list of life options, this would be way down what most people would choose to experience. Or as I said above, hope that a loved one underwent.
I don't think we should forget that this is someone in the middle of something that's hellish to them, and they're reaching out about that. I think you've laid a bit of a guilt trip there and taken offence where none was intended. I don't really want to get into it much, but I think it's important that someone in real emotional pain and depression should say how they feel. It's not about you or anyone else here. I thought their post was really valid and honest.
I've taken no offense. I offer people advice for getting by in the real world and appropriately interacting with others in a mature fashion. I realize not everyone here wants to act that way, and that's fine. But I'll still offer my advice.
In hindsight, I wish I'd foregone all the pain that I've suffered through trying to have a 'normal' life with children, etc and started down the transition path when I was 15 and had my first real gender crises. My Mum's youngest brother had transitioned many years before, so in the back of my mind, I knew it could be done. She was a beautiful Le Girl in her prime but the terrible reality of the times, when people like us were shunned, ridiculed, and attacked mercilessly even unto death led her into drug addiction and eventually her ignoble death from a heroin overdose when I was still quite young. My mum was the only family she had that hadn't turned their backs on this creature that so fascinated me as a child and she would take me with her when she would go to see Kerri-lee.
My sister Kirilee was not happy with the fact that their names were so similar, so chose not to come along on these visits.
All I ever wanted was to have a family. My eldest daughter's name was decided on when I was around 14. I struggled with my dysphoria throughout my teens and remember so many times when I would look at the beautiful young women around me wistfully and feel so unhappy with the ugly lump of a body I was/am still, lumbered with. But at around 16 I became involved with the woman who was to become my wife and partner for the next 18 years and was the mother if my 2 eldest children, and much of my dysphoria faded away during that time. Until she left me for a thug of a man and turned my whole world upside down, leaving me to drown in despair and bewilderment. I've never fully recovered. The next woman I had a relationship left me more emotionally damaged than my ex wife had ever achieved but she's also the one I just can't get over too. Through her I found my faith in God, for which I shall be eternally grateful for but it came with such a hefty price too, and broke my spirit as it was. I still miss that woman to this day, even though she left me for someone else. I've never just clicked with anybody the way I did with her. Like meeting your soul mate and then losing them again. Third times a charm they say but my third relationship gave me my 3rd child, my beautiful golden haired 2nd daughter and light of my life now taken too, across the seas to another country altogether and with her all my joy. Left alone, with no contact with any of my babies I turned inwards on myself and for a few years it was just darkness and I withdrew into myself and gave up on any future, wishing for a death that I could not bring about for myself. I went armed into dangerous territory looking for a fight or to be killed by police, or anything else that would end the pain and instead found the one girl no one can take away from me, who can never leave me, for I am she, and she is me, and we are bound together on a journey and I am devoted to her and setting her free. There's still so many hurdles to jump over, but at last I have someone worthy of my love and devotion and so the greatest love of all has been found where I least expected it. In me. Ha, if only I had listened to that bloody song a bit more carefully, hey?
It sure is a hell of a ride though, and frustrating as hell, but I'm starting to like who I am, and even love her, for the first time in my life. Too bad it's taken 40 something years to recognise what's been with me the whole time for what it truly is. As someone with what is a somewhat feminine body who grew a descent pair of B cup breasts at 12 like any normal girl would, you'd think I might have worked it out so much younger, wouldn't you? But it was that thing between my legs that led me on such a wild goose chase and into such pain and ruin. Demonic possession is what that cursed thing seems to me now, but thankfully, it no longer rules my life.
I do have a few pointed questions for my maker though, when I do get to go home at last....like, What The Actual F ?
Lol
Phew...never really put all that down in writing before. It's quite cathartic.
Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk
Ok Tatiana,
Do I wish I was born CIS ? Well I dearly wish I could become CIS female but that cant happen, so as a realist I'm going for the next best option - trans-woman. As a father & uncle I am quite maternal. I strongly suspect if I had been born CIS female I would have had a good life and be a wife and mother now - something I believe is the best thing anyone can be. Trouble is if I was CIS female I possibly wouldn't have the appreciation and admiration for females I have now. I do regret that I could never bear children and my offspring be so close and a part of me that only a mother can experience. I work with a fellow engineer who is a good friend and a CIS woman and she said her agenda will have to suffer because she will have to carry the babies. I explained she was looking squarely at the worlds greatest gift in this life & I explained as above. She smiled and took it on board.
As a realist in this life I believe we try to do the best with the cards we are dealt. I'm happy I was born male but I am a woman as well. I have to earn my femininity and really bask in it when I can.
Amazing thread you started by the way, Kirsten x.