Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Another PurpleWolf post - open discussion for all!

Before or during or after transitioning, have you ever had fears about detransitioning someday? That some day you'd wake up and realize you've been kinda 'wrong' all along and go back living as a male/female?

I'm guessing many trans people have these types of fears... that they want to make absolutely sure they're doing the right thing with transitioning and starting HRT and all that.

Did you recognize these fears as just 'panicky thoughts' driven by anxiety? Unnecessary 'what ifs'?

Or have you had these types of thoughts in general but didn't pay much attention to them or...?

Were these fears related to certain transition stuff, like starting HRT, doing surgery etc...? Like did you fear regretting those things at some point?

What would you tell your past self now? That those fears were totally unfounded...? And you're happy with all the results...?

Are there some things you regret? Or some results you didn't like after all?

Do you think it's common to have fears of regret among trans people?

Is there something you'd do differently? Or tell your past self to relax about it and not obsess over it?

Has there been some past trauma (like sexual abuse, harassment, misogyny etc...) that made you question the genuineness of your gender identity/transness? Did you ever wonder if you were trans as a result to that trauma...? Or not really trans because of it?

Have you dealt with that trauma then? What have you found? Do you see a connection to your gender or gender views? Did you eventually conclude that the past trauma and you being trans are two completely different things?

[Just to make sure: I do not believe that things like sexual abuse are the cause for someone being trans. Actually many trans people (and people in general) have been sexually abused, and obviously having been sexually abused does not make anyone trans. But in certain cases it can play a role... and past trauma can have an effect on one's view of self - a thing that many detransitioners are too familiar with. And I also know many trans people in general have these types of thoughts and fears - hence that question.] 

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As for me... I did have some traumatic things happen to me in my childhood and I felt the people around me were very sexist and biased against girls. I've had several these types of thoughts every now and again: What if past trauma had an effect? What if rigid gender views made me think I wanted to be a boy? etc. etc. Most of it I've dealt by now though. And kinda concluded that past trauma did not make me trans, but being trans made that trauma worse. And I still have some fears regarding T... and the effects.

And after years of inaction I'm kinda worried about making some permanent changes like HRT and surgery, despite very much wanting to. Then I just try to calmly remind myself that I like being a guy and hate the prospect of growing old as a woman. After all, the last time I identified as a girl was when I was like 13... So it's kiiinda unlikely to ever change from that!

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But anyway would be great to hear your thoughts  :)! And maybe soothe each other and notice it's normal to have these thoughts...? So if you're having them, you're not alone...? Unless, ofc, I'm once again the only one having such fears xD. Wouldn't be the first time,  ;)

I'm going to be that girl and put a massive *TW label for this

For me it's yes and no. I never thought ever that I would regret I transitioning to female. Ever. The idea of regretting it or thinking its wrong for me in the more purer sense doesn't compute in any way. My fear was that one day I would realize I'm just too" stupid". Played on by family and especially an aunt and cousin (thanks Mike) I worried that one day it could happen that I would wake up and find out i wasn't a strong, resilient, woman who was born in wrong body but just a sick stupid man who is too messed up to trust feelings. That living happy as a female was somehow wrong. But living miserably as a male was what was supposed to be was the case. I even kinda attempted a de transition due to that fear.

Much of my family messed me up but trying to implant self doubt and make me obsess about that doubt and all invading feelings.

So I worried they were right and I would be doomed to "figure it out "

When you read some de transitions as I did, I notice I would feel sick at times by their writings. Walt Heyer could suck the soul out of anyone not backed by the facts. After reading him and people Like him I often wonder how they can get dressed in the morning let alone transition (then go back) granted some people who do go back are very open minded, take responsibility and actually have some sound advice everyone should listen to. I have only seen a few (and I mean only a few) of his writings but Joel Novak (mtftm) seems like a decent person with a head on his shoulders.

As for waking up and worrying I made a mistake about trnationkng to female? Nope never. I love this feeling and wish I was born female more and more.

Great post, thanks  :)!!!

I have zero regrets about transitioning. I'm going to get an orchie to ensure that there is NO WAY I can ever detransition.

It's a fear I got. Not that I made a mistake and I'm not trans because I'm sure of what I am, but more like feeling like I can't handle all the negative stuff that transition brings and feeling like I need to go back. I hope that NEVER happens. In a way I feel like I would rather just end my life.

How old are u Purple Wolf?

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I have had nitemares in which I was FORCED to detransition. To me, it has always been a scary thought. Just the idea of being forced back to looking like a male horrifies me. Enough said?

I'm one week away from one year of HRT and I have no regrets about transitioning. well, that's a lie, I have one regret, and that's that I didn't do it sooner! I don't miss the testosterone at all, I could never go back. I love how transitioning has brought closer relationships between me and my female friends, I don't miss hanging out with boys all the time, it drove me crazy. I'm still not 100% full time, sometimes I have to leave the house in boy clothes and I hate every second of it, I feel so uncomfortable. I'm hoping that sometime during the first few months of 2019 I'll have a new job that I can be full time at and I don't ever have to worry about dressing male again.

I didn't feel any fear... nor did I think that 'detransition' is any sort of option. I would be having myself surgically altered and to me there isn't any going back from that, at least from the perspective of your nerve cells. And hormonally I would be altered irreversibly as well. I mean yes, you can have those things re-operated on if you desperately wanted them put back to something like their original state but they would never be the same again, and in the case of getting organs taken out, never be put back in.

It's a legitimate concern, to wonder if one day you might wake up and think you've made a terrible mistake. That's why I spent about 3 years thinking on what exactly my mind state was before I ever went near a GP for any of this and whether I was prepared to leave everything behind.

The only real problem is that HRT can actually alter that mind state somewhat - it can make you so comfortable with yourself (as in my case) you might wonder why you transitioned at all. But it's the height of irony, because the HRT makes changes to you that would render you very odd-looking (and sounding) as a woman anyway, and if you took that HRT away you'd be back to square one with the anxiety and the self-loathing. It might be a pitfall others encounter as well, but I just intend to trudge on through to the conclusion of my transition because as far as I'm concerned, surgery is no longer something I fear and I've only had good experiences with transition so far. I'm comfortable with the changes, I'm liking who I am in the mirror these days, and inside, and that was the whole point. But the lack of anxiety and self-hatred can catch you off guard when taking hormones and make you think "why did I hate my body so much in the first place?"

But no I wouldn't detransition at this point. I see no point. I like what the HRT has done for me and the surgery. My only trepidation is that there may be a shortage of hormone supply one day. That would really wreak havoc on my nerves, but so long as that doesn't happen (I keep a year's worth of T in stock just in case) there's no reason at all that I should undo any of this. I was never living "as a woman" anyway. If for some reason I had to go back to anything, it would be to go back to being androgynous.

I could never de-transition, the alternative of living as a male were the most depressing years of my life. I still have a penis which is disgusting, but there is a lot of comfort in HRT, breast development, rarely getting erections etc...

I never contemplated detransitioning.  I am not ever going back there.  No way, no how.

When I was just starting this journey and wondering where it led, it did occur to me that a therapist might tell me I couldn't transition because I was just nuts, not trans.  But that didn't happen.  The verdict was that I was an open-and-shut case: trans, period.  That is the closest I ever came to not transitioning.

I had lots of fears going into this.  But one by one, they have melted away.

I really always knew I was feminine, even when I was in denial.  So once I decided that I needed to transition it was a huge relief.  No more denial, no more hiding. 

So the idea of detransitioning fills me with horror.  I would have to sneak back into that closet, learn to deny what I now know, go back to hiding my real self.  Trust me, that ain't going to happen!

Quote from: KathyLauren on July 10, 2018, 03:55:18 PM
I never contemplated detransitioning.  I am not ever going back there.  No way, no how.

When I was just starting this journey and wondering where it led, it did occur to me that a therapist might tell me I couldn't transition because I was just nuts, not trans.  But that didn't happen.  The verdict was that I was an open-and-shut case: trans, period.  That is the closest I ever came to not transitioning.

I had lots of fears going into this.  But one by one, they have melted away.

I really always knew I was feminine, even when I was in denial.  So once I decided that I needed to transition it was a huge relief.  No more denial, no more hiding. 

So the idea of detransitioning fills me with horror.  I would have to sneak back into that closet, learn to deny what I now know, go back to hiding my real self.  Trust me, that ain't going to happen!

I totally agree. The more I transition the more right it seems. The more comfortable I am with my body, my emotions, and even my thoughts. The cost has been high, and it will be higher still but there is no going back now. Too much has changed and if I was in the position of being forced to somehow detransition (not even sure how that would be possible at this point - surgery would be required anyway) I'd choose to end myself first.

This is a one way ride!

I have never regretted starting, never thought that I've made a mistake and I didn't hesitate to take my first dose of estradiol.  Took me 54 years to work though my fears or uncertainty and get to that point.


Once I realized that I actually could and was going to transition, the only fear I had, and still have somewhat, is what I would do if I wasn't able keep taking my HRT.  My life before wasn't horrible but it wasn't me and no way I can go back to trying to be male.

While I'd love to tell my younger self that I (we?) actually do transition (something younger me usually thought impossible), I'm not sure I would. The altering timeline and not knowing the people in my life thing.

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Quote from: Kylo on July 10, 2018, 02:45:07 PM
The only real problem is that HRT can actually alter that mind state somewhat - it can make you so comfortable with yourself (as in my case) you might wonder why you transitioned at all. But it's the height of irony, because the HRT makes changes to you that would render you very odd-looking (and sounding) as a woman anyway, and if you took that HRT away you'd be back to square one with the anxiety and the self-loathing. It might be a pitfall others encounter as well, but I just intend to trudge on through to the conclusion of my transition because as far as I'm concerned, surgery is no longer something I fear and I've only had good experiences with transition so far. I'm comfortable with the changes, I'm liking who I am in the mirror these days, and inside, and that was the whole point. But the lack of anxiety and self-hatred can catch you off guard when taking hormones and make you think "why did I hate my body so much in the first place?"

Hahahahaha - oddly I kinda feel this way already xDDD!!! Even before taking T...! Just because of being supported and having friends and feeling accepted.... and also after I legally changed my name (a HUUUUUGE one!!!). So I'm starting to feel so good and natural as myself and the new name feels so right I don't even notice it anymore - so it makes me think, 'why didn't I do this and this before?' kinda forgetting what that deadname and all felt like....  ;D! Like it made my life literally living hell. But now my reality has shifted and kinda forgetting about that alread.... Funny. But not even on T yet - and feeling THIS great atm!!!

And yeah the actual thought of 'detransitioning' as in.... 'going back to living as a woman' is a horrible thought. Well I wouldn't 'go back' to anything coz I've been consciously living as a guy since 13 so... And I still kinda am in that physical pre-everything form in practice. But imagining I had to live the following decades as a WOMAN is such a horrifying thought that.. well, exactly why I'm here right now and transitioning  ;D. Coz couldn't take that prospect anymore...!!!

Nope. No way would I ever go back. Can't. Won't. Refuse to ever.  ;)

It took very little time on HRT to know which hormone worked right for me. This life is right for me. It's what I always knew even when I tried to convince myself that I was stuck living as I was born. That it just wasn't my place to ever be happy in this lifetime.

Honestly I can't imagine the horror of having to detransition.

Interesting topic.

I think my fear is similar to the nightmare scenario. Being forced back without choice.

As I get older I know I am not heading to a "nursing facility" for quite a while. However, I have heard about some places having to use their doctor and ignoring the personal requests of the clients. This is my biggest fear.

I still worry about not looking as ...(fill in the blanks) as I would like. However, I don't see any way I would choose to go back.

Hope all are doing well.

With warmth,

Jacqui

I think that stresses in one's personal life can cause someone to question everything, including transition. It takes mental work to keep the occasional thought in perspective. The benefit of transitioning  later in life may be  that a lot of the wrestling with how your life will proceed is already done. I have no thought of going back. It is impossible in my mind. And that is really a surprise to this person who doubted they were trans enough until they were in the later 50's. I only get stressed about transition when my voice is too male or I have to cough in a quiet place with people. You know, the give away's of having had a male past.
Love you Wolfie

I don't regret starting to transition, though I've ended up at a very different destination than I thought I wanted when I began.

Thanks Moni :)

Quote from: HappyMoni on July 12, 2018, 04:46:55 AM
I think that stresses in one's personal life can cause someone to question everything, including transition. It takes mental work to keep the occasional thought in perspective.

I agree!

And with me, personally, it's also that while I'm pre-everything (and don't really look that male yet), any tiny stressor can make me doubt myself and my true feelings on things. If I don't feel that dysphoric for a moment, it can make me think, 'is it that bad after all?' Or like I already said, with that name change and support and all... it can seem almost like transitioning further isn't needed  ;D!

And any moment of stress or anxiety can again stir up those thoughts of, 'am I really trans?!'

I think also having no support or living in hostile environment can play a role and make you unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Also I've been personally living in this mental limbo for so long that..... yeah it plays tricks on my sanity sometimes! And makes me question my choices and feelings and what I truly want out of life.

If you got a massive relief from small things already you probably will feel even better about the major steps like HRT and body changes.

There isn't a single thing I'm not happy with so far, regards what T has done and the surgeon has. Things I'm not so chill about are things nobody could ever do much with anyway, like height. I don't care about that all that much anyway. If you have a force of personality and stay true to yourself it doesn't matter. And nobody else cares about things like that in the long run either.

I had most of my doubts at the beginning because I was skeptical T would do anything. Safe to say that was unfounded fear. The stuff transformed me in a few months inside and out. The only thing I had to wait all that patiently for was the voice and the surgeon really. I'm sure when you get on HRT it will allay most of your anxiety. 

Quote from: PurpleWolf on July 12, 2018, 12:35:07 PM
Thanks Moni :)

I agree!

And with me, personally, it's also that while I'm pre-everything (and don't really look that male yet), any tiny stressor can make me doubt myself and my true feelings on things. If I don't feel that dysphoric for a moment, it can make me think, 'is it that bad after all?' Or like I already said, with that name change and support and all... it can seem almost like transitioning further isn't needed  ;D!

And any moment of stress or anxiety can again stir up those thoughts of, 'am I really trans?!'

I think also having no support or living in hostile environment can play a role and make you unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Also I've been personally living in this mental limbo for so long that..... yeah it plays tricks on my sanity sometimes! And makes me question my choices and feelings and what I truly want out of life.

PurpleWolf,

I think you and Moni hit the nails on the heads. All set backs and even bad days can send you into a doubting vortex. Comments and pointing, sometimes for me it can just be a bad hair day.

I totally think those in oppressive and non supportive environments will continue to question. I have worked with two younger trans men that experienced just that.

Take care and be true.

Warmly,

Jacqui

I would never have fears about de-transitioning if I passed 100%. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is not kind to transgender women who don't pass, and it's a HUGE personal and financial risk. I have to be realistic, and not pretend that not passing won't cause a significant harm to my quality of life unless I undergo major FFS, which is not covered by insurance, and is insanely expensive. If I passed, and saw myself as a woman in the mirror, I would never have any thoughts about de-transitioning. If I continue to not pass and not see myself as a woman in the mirror, I would have to make a decision on whether or not I would risk having a much lower quality of life and be OK with never seeing my true self in the mirror, or if being a man would at least make my life easier and safer.

Hi, Gendertest89!

Welcome to Susan's.

Detransitioning may make your life easier and safer, but quite likely more miserable.  Dysphoria doesn't go away.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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Quote from: gendertest89 on July 12, 2018, 08:35:37 PM
I would never have fears about de-transitioning if I passed 100%. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is not kind to transgender women who don't pass, and it's a HUGE personal and financial risk. I have to be realistic, and not pretend that not passing won't cause a significant harm to my quality of life unless I undergo major FFS, which is not covered by insurance, and is insanely expensive. If I passed, and saw myself as a woman in the mirror, I would never have any thoughts about de-transitioning. If I continue to not pass and not see myself as a woman in the mirror, I would have to make a decision on whether or not I would risk having a much lower quality of life and be OK with never seeing my true self in the mirror, or if being a man would at least make my life easier and safer.

Hugs!!!! That's very tough. And a good point!

Hope you can make things work out for you though :)! You deserve it!!!

Quote from: Jacqueline on July 12, 2018, 01:28:38 PM
PurpleWolf,

I think you and Moni hit the nails on the heads. All set backs and even bad days can send you into a doubting vortex. Comments and pointing, sometimes for me it can just be a bad hair day.

I totally think those in oppressive and non supportive environments will continue to question. I have worked with two younger trans men that experienced just that.

Take care and be true.

Warmly,

Jacqui

Thanks, Jacqui!!!

Yeah that's totally true... If your family does not believe you and ignores you being trans; if the outside world shuns you and makes you feel you'll never be accepted as a member of your gender in society... And on top of that if you don't have any friends or any supportive people in your life... well... all you're left with is your mind that is telling you you're trans - but even that is in direct contradiction against your physical body.

So if you a) don't get treated as your true gender, by people, mostly ever
b) you still have a physical body that does not reflect your true gender
and c) fear or have bad experiences about dealing with society/people
.... well... it can kinda get to you!

And totally make you question your (in)sanity!

And then add to that d) dysphoria.... social and physical...

You have quite a mess huh!

So... it can seem that 90% of people/your life/society/and even your own body etc. is telling you are NOT trans and will not be accepted... and only 10% that is your brain is telling you yes you are - well it can be easy to think that 10% against that 90% is just wrong, and you're basically insane really, or something like that. Especially if everyone else thinks that already about you or something...!

(Well this is just a general description and horror scenario.... but kiiinda reflects some of the thoughts I've had myself during the years....... 'questioning'. Well I never questioned if I was a guy (bcos I knew I was) but more like questioning my sanity and... is this really real? like a real condition... or something... That's kinda bad mental state to be in...!)

Quote from: Kylo on July 12, 2018, 01:12:54 PM
If you got a massive relief from small things already you probably will feel even better about the major steps like HRT and body changes.

There isn't a single thing I'm not happy with so far, regards what T has done and the surgeon has. Things I'm not so chill about are things nobody could ever do much with anyway, like height. I don't care about that all that much anyway. If you have a force of personality and stay true to yourself it doesn't matter. And nobody else cares about things like that in the long run either.

I had most of my doubts at the beginning because I was skeptical T would do anything. Safe to say that was unfounded fear. The stuff transformed me in a few months inside and out. The only thing I had to wait all that patiently for was the voice and the surgeon really. I'm sure when you get on HRT it will allay most of your anxiety.

Well thanks Kylo, that DID make me feel A LOT better :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never had any doubts about transition or surgery. I did have irrational fears about being forced to detransition. Like what if it suddenly became illegal to be trans or any type of LGBT person. Like the world of The handmaids tale for example. I also had an irrational fear of being stuck without having SRS. Like some catastrophic event or a war breaking out that would pretty much end society as we know it. With my luck I would survive an apocalypse before having SRS. I know that's stupid but remember I did say irrational fears. Lol. And yeah I know how self centered that sounds. " Millions die and city leveled by asteroid impact. " oh no! Who will do my surgery now?

I did have to deal with doubts from my dad and brother though. After I transitioned and started talking about surgery Tyler got curious I guess and he watched a video of the SRS online. It totally horrified him. I think it actually traumatized him. It might sound strange that a 21 year old would be so bothered by seeing SRS but keep in mind that most cis guys would rather lose limbs than their Dick. After he saw that he told me I couldn't do it. He told me to just do hrt but not to have that surgery. He told me I didn't have any problem finding boyfriends the way I was and I didn't need surgery.  Over time he realized I needed the surgery to be happy and was fine with it. My dad just wanted to be sure surgery was what I really wanted. He asked me many times during my transition if I was absolutely sure I wanted surgery and that once it was done there was no going back. Before they took me into the operating room my dad asked me if I was sure. It wasn't that my dad and brother didn't want me to have surgery they were just scared because SRS is totally irreversible and they wanted to make sure I truly wanted it.

Of course I had to deal with other family members doubt and negativity.  My uncle kept telling me I was destroying myself with hrt and that if I had surgery that would make me a permanent freak. And in an email a couple of days ago my mom told me I might be able to have vaginal sex with Tristan now but I still would never be able to give him kids and what did I think would happen down the road when he decides he wants kids. I actually brought that one on myself. I know better than to read emails from my mom but I did it anyway.

Quote from: Julia1996 on July 14, 2018, 10:25:05 AM
I never had any doubts about transition or surgery. I did have irrational fears about being forced to detransition. Like what if it suddenly became illegal to be trans or any type of LGBT person. Like the world of The handmaids tale for example. I also had an irrational fear of being stuck without having SRS. Like some catastrophic event or a war breaking out that would pretty much end society as we know it. With my luck I would survive an apocalypse before having SRS. I know that's stupid but remember I did say irrational fears. Lol. And yeah I know how self centered that sounds. " Millions die and city leveled by asteroid impact. " oh no! Who will do my surgery now?

I did have to deal with doubts from my dad and brother though. After I transitioned and started talking about surgery Tyler got curious I guess and he watched a video of the SRS online. It totally horrified him. I think it actually traumatized him. It might sound strange that a 21 year old would be so bothered by seeing SRS but keep in mind that most cis guys would rather lose limbs than their Dick. After he saw that he told me I couldn't do it. He told me to just do hrt but not to have that surgery. He told me I didn't have any problem finding boyfriends the way I was and I didn't need surgery.  Over time he realized I needed the surgery to be happy and was fine with it. My dad just wanted to be sure surgery was what I really wanted. He asked me many times during my transition if I was absolutely sure I wanted surgery and that once it was done there was no going back. Before they took me into the operating room my dad asked me if I was sure. It wasn't that my dad and brother didn't want me to have surgery they were just scared because SRS is totally irreversible and they wanted to make sure I truly wanted it.

Of course I had to deal with other family members doubt and negativity.  My uncle kept telling me I was destroying myself with hrt and that if I had surgery that would make me a permanent freak. And in an email a couple of days ago my mom told me I might be able to have vaginal sex with Tristan now but I still would never be able to give him kids and what did I think would happen down the road when he decides he wants kids. I actually brought that one on myself. I know better than to read emails from my mom but I did it anyway.

Welcome back, Julia

Quote from: PurpleWolf on July 10, 2018, 11:34:26 AM
Another PurpleWolf post - open discussion for all!

Wolf (think I've mentioned this already) ask Cindy if you can have "Nero"s former job . . .
Your off-the-wall questioning/posting style would fill his shoes perfectly!

Whatever became of "Dennis"?

lol Many of us are permanently "untransitioned" so Sharia Law? Bring it on (NOT)!

Quote from: Kiera on July 16, 2018, 01:18:02 PM
Wolf (think I've mentioned this already) ask Cindy if you can have "Nero"s former job . . .
Your off-the-wall questioning/posting style would fill his shoes perfectly!

Whatever became of "Dennis"?

lol Many of us are permanently "untransitioned" so Sharia Law? Bring it on (NOT)!

Hahaha  ;D

Quote from: PurpleWolf on July 10, 2018, 11:34:26 AM
Has there been some past trauma (like sexual abuse, harassment, misogyny etc...) that made you question the genuineness of your gender identity/transness? Did you ever wonder if you were trans as a result to that trauma...? Or not really trans because of it?

I developed Dissociative Identity/Multiple Personality Disorder (DID/MPD) to cope with the trauma of childhood sexual and psychological abuse. Neither me nor any of my other 5 alters are transsexual. When my female alter became self aware in 2009 her need to express herself as a woman led me to question the genuineness of my solid lifelong male gender. The therapist I went to to help me understand what I was experiencing misdiagnosed me as a late onset transsexual with Gender Dysphoria. For two years of therapy the Self resisted my female alter's needs and my GT's insistence that I begin transition. As naturally and easily as it was for me to live life as a woman, I KNEW transition was NOT right for me. When the time/memory loss, flashbacks and night terrors began I was re-diagnosed with DID and referred for trauma recovery therapy. You can read more in my post, "Childhood Trauma Survivor Misdiagnosed as Transsexual with Gender Dysphoria" at https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,176195.msg1548804.html#msg1548804

Quote from: Julia1996 on July 14, 2018, 10:25:05 AM
I never had any doubts about transition or surgery. I did have irrational fears about being forced to detransition. Like what if it suddenly became illegal to be trans or any type of LGBT person. Like the world of The handmaids tale for example. I also had an irrational fear of being stuck without having SRS. Like some catastrophic event or a war breaking out that would pretty much end society as we know it. With my luck I would survive an apocalypse before having SRS. I know that's stupid but remember I did say irrational fears. Lol. And yeah I know how self centered that sounds. " Millions die and city leveled by asteroid impact. " oh no! Who will do my surgery now?

I did have to deal with doubts from my dad and brother though. After I transitioned and started talking about surgery Tyler got curious I guess and he watched a video of the SRS online. It totally horrified him. I think it actually traumatized him. It might sound strange that a 21 year old would be so bothered by seeing SRS but keep in mind that most cis guys would rather lose limbs than their Dick. After he saw that he told me I couldn't do it. He told me to just do hrt but not to have that surgery. He told me I didn't have any problem finding boyfriends the way I was and I didn't need surgery.  Over time he realized I needed the surgery to be happy and was fine with it. My dad just wanted to be sure surgery was what I really wanted. He asked me many times during my transition if I was absolutely sure I wanted surgery and that once it was done there was no going back. Before they took me into the operating room my dad asked me if I was sure. It wasn't that my dad and brother didn't want me to have surgery they were just scared because SRS is totally irreversible and they wanted to make sure I truly wanted it.

Of course I had to deal with other family members doubt and negativity.  My uncle kept telling me I was destroying myself with hrt and that if I had surgery that would make me a permanent freak. And in an email a couple of days ago my mom told me I might be able to have vaginal sex with Tristan now but I still would never be able to give him kids and what did I think would happen down the road when he decides he wants kids. I actually brought that one on myself. I know better than to read emails from my mom but I did it anyway.

Gosh your mom always tops herself with her insanity.

Quote from: Julia1996 on July 14, 2018, 10:25:05 AM
And in an email a couple of days ago my mom told me I might be able to have vaginal sex with Tristan now but I still would never be able to give him kids and what did I think would happen down the road when he decides he wants kids. I actually brought that one on myself. I know better than to read emails from my mom but I did it anyway.

Your mom is one piece of ****!!!!!!