It would be interesting to hear about your experiences😊
It really started to happen regularly after 6 months, especially after my facial hair was no more visible. I think this had the biggest trigger effect on people.
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I was only on HRT for three months before I went full-time, and I didn't have any male-fail experiences in that time. I did have a fun experience of being gendered correctly the very first time I went out in public after beginning full-time.
A couple of weeks prior, I had dropped off a men's ring that I wanted turned into a pendant at a jeweler. The ring was a graduation present from my mother and had sentimental value, as well as having a nice stone, but it was not going to be any use to me as a ring. On my very first outing in town as the new me, I stopped in at the jeweler to pick up the pendant. I handed over the claim check, and the clerk got the pendant from the back. Then she looked at the name on the work order and said, "Oh, he will have to come in to sign for it himself."
I had just assumed that, since she was the same lady I had given it to when I brought it in, she would recognize me. Apparently not. I had to do some 'splaining, but I did it with a big smile on my face.
Half an hour later, my wife and I brought our dog to the vet for a checkup. The vet said she thought I was my sister at first.
It was a very affirming way to start!
I was only on HRT for 6 months when I finally came out at work (the last place). I went full time about two weeks later. I was asked a few times about growing my hair out. But never any male fail.
Approx 6 months ish. Went to the bank teller to withdraw some cash. She asked where's the guy who supposedly own the account since the one standing in front of her is not a guy lol. 2nd time, went to return some pants at costco and was told only members can return (they saw the old pic on my membership card), where is he? The csr said. Lol... I had to show them my ID which fortunately have the gender corrected (I didn't change my name btw since it work both ways)
3rd time, was walking my new friend to the hotel and was chatting with her other friend and I never mentioned anything and just chat the way I normally talk. Later on she was referring to me as she even without being asked to. I'll attach a photo from that night.
Ps. I wasn't even presenting feminine in all occasions and was still wearing my previous attire.
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(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180808/42013d5a1e6050ffe062892f9dd161c9.jpg)
About four months in for me. My girlfriend and I were on vacation in Ireland and in shops and pubs I got ma'am a bunch. I was still presenting male at that point.
Hmmm... I wish I could add, but I haven't really had male fail. 🙈🙊🙉 I imagine it'll come in due time. However, I love this thread and I love hearing the stories. Please keep them coming! ❤️
I don't recall when it was after I started HRT because I had been "mis-gendered" for years. My first recollection is when I was 17. I did have fairly long hair so maybe that helped. Its happened ever since from time to time. My wife would roll her eyes when I was Ma'amed. This was way before I came out.
Judi
Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on August 08, 2018, 11:26:27 AM
I had been "mis-gendered" for years. My first recollection is when I was 17. I did have fairly long hair so maybe that helped. Its happened ever since from time to time. My wife would roll her eyes when I was Ma'amed. This was way before I came out.
Judi
Same for me. I got misgendered as a woman because of my long hair way before HRT.
Likewise, it's also happened to me many times over the years, simply for having long hair. (You'd think rock'n'roll never happened to some people. lol) I'm nowhere near starting HRT, but feel confident I'd be viewed as a woman if dressed appropriately. Some of the best comments are "Let that lady past," or simply being wolf-whistled by young guys. I take it as it comes, with a sense of humour.
Always. It was rare to be gendered as male, and I never had long hair because I hate it. It was embarrassing actually, like front of your family or at passport control with a queue behind you, etc.
I've certainly never appreciated being whistled at or have passing comments. I especially didn't appreciate the car driver that stopped when I was 12, tried to pay me to get in, and then crawled along the kerb. I don't think that's a privilege, or flattering, but it's probably my first memory of being sexualized and was then the most frightening thing that had happened to me sexually. I don't care what gender he thought I was. It's not an angle I ever considered it from.
I really noticed a significant difference about a couple of weeks after I started HRT.
I had been living full time as a woman for about 6 months at that point. I got sirred and stared at a lot during those six months but I didn't even care anymore. My main reason for deciding to transition was just that I didn't want to live a lie anymore. But I also got ma'amed a lot too. But after a couple of weeks of HRT all of a sudden I started getting ma'amed like crazee. Yes. HRT can work THAT fast! Then after I had my FFS I pretty much quit getting misgendered entirely. Now living and working it's all ma'am all the time. Even when I don't expect it the ma'ams come at me and I'm thinking, 'Oh yeah, I'm a lady now.' I can be wearing no makeup, jeans and a t-shirt and it's "ma'am" this and "ma'am" that. But it never gets old and always feels terrific whenever it happens.
The first time I remember male fail as an adult (happened a lot as a child) was in Korea about 8 years ago when I'd grown my hair long and was quite slender at the time. Waiting at a bus stop and people kept refering me (from the back) as She. Then a few years later cycling I dropped even more weight and even me looking at the a family photo had to say I looked odd for a male indeed.
I think the most striking time I remember first was about 2 months into HRT co workers would always remark on how jealous they were of my figure (I was wearing woman's skinny jeans a lot then) and how feminine I looked. I didn't see it then. About three months in I was walking up the hill to the office at work and caught my reflection in a window and went ah - theres a girl. Then I went what? But that's me! About that same time using my old work ID to get stuff for work people looked at me funny. So I changed all my ID then and there new passport, DL etc to reflect what I actually look like and with female on them.
Since then (that was about 6 months ago) I just don't look like man. Been to a pool in a swimsuit, bra shopping, clothes shopping I get gendered female 95% of the time unless computer records say something else (fixed most) then people just look confused.
I love that there are so many experienceing male fail. I hate that I am not one of them. Thanks to the absurd uniform regulations at my job, 13 months into my transition I still have short hair, and a beard because my electrolysis seems to be taking forever but I have to choose between either keeping it shaved and not being able to have electrolysis or keeping it grown out.
I've had long hair for a few years, and I occasionally got an initial miss/ma'am before HRT, but it was always followed with a 'sorry, sir, it's the hair' after getting a better look at my face or talking a bit.
By around 2-3 weeks on HRT, I started getting fewer gendered forms of address in general.
At around the 2 month mark, I started having occasional times where I was being gendered female and having it stick for a whole conversation, despite having the same hair style, baggy male clothes, and a male-ish voice (mine was never especially deep, especially for my size).
I'm at just over 3 months now, and so far that's only happened with strangers - no one that I see regularly or that knows my name has said anything.
About 18 months though I done a lot of electrolysis & had dyed red shoulder length hair. I was having a drink in a working man's club with a friend & won a mixed grill in the raffle. I heard someone ask who won the raffle & a voice said " Big lass , long red hair sat by the door", took me a minute to relise it was me he was talking about
Hello everyone
There is a similar post on HRT Board concerning necessity to hide physical effects of HRT till ready to come out.
I have been on HRT 6 months and physical changes have started and although unfortunately no malefail yet, I think that could happen in 2 months time meaning 8 months in total.
However as was mentioned on the other thread, other people may suspect before HRT but make no comment.
Hugs
Pamela
Somewhere past a year in. Wife took me to her nail parlor to get my eyebrows waxed, but insisted I go in boy mode. I wore a baggy men's T shirt over women's straight leg jeans, carried a man bag, hair pulled back in a low pony tail, no make up.
Woman at desk talks to my wife, looks at me, and says, "and what will she be having?"
Best. Fail. Ever.
Hugs, Carly
Very early into HRT.. but the following must be taken into account
I went full time the same day as I started HRT, it made sense at the time.
I had my electrolysis done on my face and chest before HRT, so minimal facial hair
I had grown my hair, during my pre-hrt days as I hated wearing wigs.
My ears were already pierced, actually got my second set of holes pierced shortly after starting hrt.
In the beginning to hide my lack of curves and breasts, i wore very baggy unisex outfits, so people often had to look twice.. and I often wore a bit of makeup which pushed me to the girl category. Also what helped me into girl category was wearing nail polish and long nails..
Then as my breasts and curves developed, the outfits become more and more girly. Today I love the very girly outfits..
About 1 1/2 years into HRT. I began transitioning late in life but have made up for it!
I was shopping in a large Department Store in NYC (Century 21) and was in the women's clothing section. I needed to pee and I saw a store clerk so I asked her "excuse me, where is the nearest restroom?". I left out "women's" and wasn't sure to use "men's" since I wasn't sure how passable I was as a gal. She pointed to the women's restroom and I immediately froze at the thought that I would be using a public women's restroom for the first time. Before I could make an excuse like, "ok, I'll use it later"....the clerk responded, "here honey, why don't you give me the items you have and I'll hold on to them while you use the restroom."
At this point, there was no turning back. It felt like an out-of-body experience as I made my way to the restroom. I mentally prepared myself for screams of "it's a man....call the manager". So avoided all eye contact as I entered the bathroom. Out of my peripheral vision I saw 2 women talking by the sink washing their hands. I saw an empty stall (the one next to it was being used). I literally ran to get inside the stall as I was still expecting a negative reaction. I, of course made sure to squat to pee. I was hoping for the women to be done so I can wash my hands in the sink but they were still there and gabbing (tourists), so I summoned courage to go to the sink. I avoid all eye contact and much to my surprise, no one noticed or said anything.
I thought this was pure chance but a few weeks later, I was shopping in a Whole Foods and needed to use the restroom. There was a store clerk adjusting her apron. The men's room was on the left and the women's on the right. I made a beeline for the men's restroom. Before I could open the door, the store clerk said, "no it's this door" and giggled, pointing to the women's bathroom. Ever since those experiences, I use a women's public restroom all the time - airports, restaurants, cafes, public spaces, etc.
Although I begin transitioning late, it does help that I am 5'4".
Quote from: CarlyMcx on August 11, 2018, 12:43:41 AM
Somewhere past a year in. Wife took me to her nail parlor to get my eyebrows waxed, but insisted I go in boy mode. I wore a baggy men's T shirt over women's straight leg jeans, carried a man bag, hair pulled back in a low pony tail, no make up.
Woman at desk talks to my wife, looks at me, and says, "and what will she be having?"
Best. Fail. Ever.
Hugs, Carly
Thats a Classic! I love it.
Quote from: Nina_NYC on August 11, 2018, 07:51:21 PM
About 1 1/2 years into HRT. I began transitioning late in life but have made up for it!
I was shopping in a large Department Store in NYC (Century 21) and was in the women's clothing section. I needed to pee and I saw a store clerk so I asked her "excuse me, where is the nearest restroom?". I left out "women's" and wasn't sure to use "men's" since I wasn't sure how passable I was as a gal. She pointed to the women's restroom and I immediately froze at the thought that I would be using a public women's restroom for the first time. Before I could make an excuse like, "ok, I'll use it later"....the clerk responded, "here honey, why don't you give me the items you have and I'll hold on to them while you use the restroom."
At this point, there was no turning back. It felt like an out-of-body experience as I made my way to the restroom. I mentally prepared myself for screams of "it's a man....call the manager". So avoided all eye contact as I entered the bathroom. Out of my peripheral vision I saw 2 women talking by the sink washing their hands. I saw an empty stall (the one next to it was being used). I literally ran to get inside the stall as I was still expecting a negative reaction. I, of course made sure to squat to pee. I was hoping for the women to be done so I can wash my hands in the sink but they were still there and gabbing (tourists), so I summoned courage to go to the sink. I avoid all eye contact and much to my surprise, no one noticed or said anything.
I thought this was pure chance but a few weeks later, I was shopping in a Whole Foods and needed to use the restroom. There was a store clerk adjusting her apron. The men's room was on the left and the women's on the right. I made a beeline for the men's restroom. Before I could open the door, the store clerk said, "no it's this door" and giggled, pointing to the women's bathroom. Ever since those experiences, I use a women's public restroom all the time - airports, restaurants, cafes, public spaces, etc.
Although I begin transitioning late, it does help that I am 5'4".
That's trippy 😊 what an adventure
I remember the first bathroom visit. was at the airport waiting for wife to arrive. The plane was delayed for two hours. Even dressed gender neutral then I knew a visit to the boys room would be... interesting. So I waited till had no choice and just went. There were some people there. Didn't look twice. went to stall did my thing, left. World did NOT melt down.
I think the best male fail was when I was at a restraunt dressed fem as I always do. (In fact my profile pic was taken that night) and my daughter needed to go so I ask where the bathroom was despite my daughter calling me 'dad' they still showed me to the woman's room. That made me pretty sure I pass... :)
I had to go into my file of old sig lines to figure this out. I started HRT on September 7, 2014 and had my first male-fail on April 22, 2015. So that would be, um, 7 and a half months. I was dressed gender neutral and hadn't gone full time yet. I remember hitting a point not too long after when I was stuck in the middle. Visible changes had slowed down and I realized that I would stay in those doldrums unless I made an effort to present female. Now, after almost four years, it doesn't take a great deal of effort, but if I make no effort I WILL be misgendered.
It's a little disheartening, really.
The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.
Well, not on HRT yet but I have had a couple.
I was sitting in my wife's classic van with her and this guy comes over and calls us ladies then starts talking about the van. I was BEAMING!! but my wife hated it. ;D ;D
Another time (2 weeks ago actually) I was in a pub getting a soft drink at the bar and this guy nudges my arm accidentally and says "sorry love". Needless to say I got the drinks and grinned all the way back to the table.
The only thing I can think it can be is perhaps the long hair, bare hairless arms, long fingernails and I'm just under 5' 7" with a slimish frame.
Oh and at work when I'm carrying or lifting something large, one of the warehouse lads will ask if I'm ok with that or do I want them to carry it for me. ;D
Mine happened at the dentist of all places. The receptionist had me booked under my male name... I'd just had my then very short hair done and was dressed femininely - I told her my appt name she said 'oh ok you're keeping his appt? No I am him, I replied. Shocked she smiled, laughed and apologised, saying she had no idea. best dentist trip of my life. We both laughed, I told her she'd made my day and the world was wonderful. That was about 6 months in to HRT.
If you define male-fail as ma'am or miss or lady'd with "No makeup, androgynous clothes, not trying, etc" ... I'll come back if it ever happens.
I'll have to say, not me yet either. But like Faith says, I too will be back when it happens.
Hugs,
Donica.
No idea how far in, several months is my best guess.
Mostly being called "Miss" in stores, or if with another woman it would be calling us "ladies".
Also had men in cars yell things to\at me when walking down the streets. Kind of a compliment in a bizarre way I guess.
Hugs
DeniseGrace
I recall my first "male fail, was in Oct 2010, I was growing my hair out and wore some nail polish, this was about 8 months before starting HRT, and I was called ma'am at the grocery store, I was simply wearing jeans, tee, my hair was not down to my shoulders yet.
C -
I can't recall when was the first ''male fail'' I've had... it's been years before even being aware of the trans movement! I've always had long hair and little to no beard... I was at a grocery store, and a clerk was trying to get my attention ''Excuse me madam, the counter here is open.'' I let it go obviously then I heard it again, I've looked over my shoulder to see the scene... and to my surprise she was referring to me! She went super uncomfortable at the situation but I just smiled and told that it's funny (but it felt really affirming!). We went on about hair care and yadda yadda what she thought was female afterwards!
I've had a number of these situations, until I went part time female (going out female, working male), I've always been gendered female ever since! I'm now full-time female!
...Actually, I don't know if I can call that a ''male fail'', but one of the HR workers had to do a double-take she didn't recognize me with my city clothes on!
My first male fail, at least at work before coming out, was with a group of coworkers out doing some kind of team building exercise. We stopped to get food and the waiter asked what would she want. My coworkers chimes in on que he's a guy. This was about 8 or 9 months in. I'm sure that I've male failed before that but never quite so publicly.
This is the photo and I got some raised eyebrows going into the men's room when I took this photo after everyone else had cleared out.
(https://i.imgur.com/XW3OpCi.jpg)
Oh, about 50 years before I started, when I was being a 15 year old hippie chick in San Francisco. The good old days.
I had male fail while out and dressed in my 60s, before I started HRT as well. Typically while going out to breakfast before assorted appointments. My makeup drill at the time took around 45 minutes, though. Now when running around in my daily routine it takes about 90 seconds.
Quote from: NatalieRene on March 19, 2019, 05:06:10 PM
My first male fail, at least at work before coming out, was with a group of coworkers out doing some kind of team building exercise. We stopped to get food and the waiter asked what would she want. My coworkers chimes in on que he's a guy. This was about 8 or 9 months in. I'm sure that I've male failed before that but never quite so publicly.
This is the photo and I got some raised eyebrows going into the men's room when I took this photo after everyone else had cleared out.
(https://i.imgur.com/XW3OpCi.jpg)
Yep, it was time to turn in your man card :)
That's an interesting question. When people started calling me mam or avoiding calling me mam or sir because they weren't sure. That would have been about a year into hrt. However a few months after starting I had men hold the door open for me going into gas stations. I was on the road working so I stopped at a lot of gas stations through a week. At one stop the only people inside we're the two young women working. As I walked to the back one said to the other, "did you see that girl?". To which the second said ,"you mean that guy?". The first responded, "that's a girl!". I had only minor breast growth and was wearing sports bras and a tee shirt under my work uniform. I can only guess she thought I was FTM instead.
What was weird was guys holding open doors stopped for a while. As I went from I guess looking FTM to noticably trans to looking feminine. Now they hold the door again at least sometimes. Looking "trans" weirded guys out. Appearently looking FTM they still think they see female.
Quote from: CynthiaAnn on March 20, 2019, 06:39:38 AM
Yep, it was time to turn in your man card :)
The funny thing is they didn't notice the changes until after I came out and then showed up presenting female. I don't understand how men can not see the obvious until it smacks them in their faces for being so visual based.
There were times in the past, long before I considered transitioning, when I was "correctly gendered." Even before I grew my hair out, over 20 years ago now (!) I kept it at least halfway down my ears, though it was a guy's cut. Seen from the back, I'd occasionally be called "ma'am" but that was always immediately corrected when I turned around. It was still a thrill back then, though I couldn't tell anyone about it.
Since going full-time, it's so important to me to be correctly gendered that I'm still a bit terrified of trying male-fail. I refuse to go out, even walking the dog in the neighborhood - where I'm still constantly misgendered by those who've known me so long - without at least a little makeup and jewelry. It's possible my FFS back in December may have helped, but I still don't want to push it - I haven't been misgendered by a stranger in a very long time, and don't want to feel that sinking feeling now. Maybe after my upcoming facelift and when the hair grafts finally grow in...
Stephanie
Had one a few weeks ago when I went for a day out with my wife.
I was dressed male, with t-shirt, coat, jeans and trainers, all which could be unisex. We went into a cafe and I entered first, said good morning face on to the owner (a middle aged lady) then held the door open for my wife (who is on crutches), then we sat down and ordered. When the food and drinks arrived, the owner said 'there you go ladies'. I was genuinely shocked as it was totally unexpected. My wife was livid and said she'd never go out with me again. ::)
I'm not on HRT yet and am 44 years old. It doesn't happen very often but when it does, it's nice and gives me hope. ;D
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 20, 2019, 09:13:45 AM
There were times in the past, long before I considered transitioning, when I was "correctly gendered." Even before I grew my hair out, over 20 years ago now (!) I kept it at least halfway down my ears, though it was a guy's cut. Seen from the back, I'd occasionally be called "ma'am" but that was always immediately corrected when I turned around. It was still a thrill back then, though I couldn't tell anyone about it.
All the signs were there! lol. Actually, Steph, that reminds me of the first time I went out on a works 'do'. Like a Christmas works outing. I was 18 at the time, so it must have been around 1992. I had a shortish male haircut but one of the waitresses called me 'miss' at which point, the accounts lady from our works nearly exploded with laughter. The waitress apologised but I told her it was fine and it really was. I remember thinking - I'm totally fine with that. It feels nice! Although I was in a (hidden) gay relationship at the time I had no idea I was trans... ::)
I won't call it male fail, but a moment of acceptance!!!!
For me, to was when my wife and I were dressing to attend a concert. She looked at me and asked:
What are we Girls going to wear?
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