Hi! I'm Candy! That's because I'm sweet, sexy and good for you :)
At least that's me when I'm feeling myself and self-confident. In fact I'm Marty the IT guy full time, and only now at 57 years old exploring and discovering myself. It's been a disaster of late, but it's getting better. I was a kind, cheerful and sensitive child by all accounts, and much preferred playing house and having tea parties with my stuffies to anything involving balls. No specific desire to 'be a girl' but I very much enjoyed exploring my feminine self as a punk rocker artist in my teens when family troubles, tragedies and traumas forced me to tuck myself away (and not in the good way!) and live a different life. I gave up dreams of being an artist and of being myself and went to work. I lost myself in very loving relationships, and enjoyed being a good dad and provider. I mostly deferred to others, readily took on the role of caregiver, and was hiding more and more of my true self inside. I drank to medicate myself and try to cope with the person that was roiling within. The side I showed was genuine and loving, but decidedly incomplete. I saved the rest for my journals.
One year ago, my relationship with my partner having cooled for years, I decided to have some fun and wear a bra by myself. The relief that swept over me was shocking, so I tried some more, and more. I felt so ME for a change. New sexual feelings arose as well. Who was this strong and kooky gal? I have a transgender child, and the many friendships I'm blessed with in that community seem to have made the woman in me feel like it was safe to come out. But it wasn't! More family tragedy and she had to be put on hold. I tossed out the lingerie. But she wouldn't stay hidden! 6 months sober now and she feels stronger and healthier than ever!!
I've had such a confusing and turbulent ride for that six months. I'm about to separate with my wife of 27 years, she doesn't know who I am and I don't blame her. It all came out so quickly and such a mess. Like I turned inside out while trying to keep the outward facade intact. Yuck. I met someone during all this that loves me as I am, even when I tell her I don't know who that is yet. I feel like I'm causing so much pain by being myself, and I've spent my life as a caregiver to ease others pain and take it upon myself. On the other hand, I'm writing this morning as I eagerly wait for the lingerie/toy shop to open so I can get that bra back on!
I have a great therapist who works with the TG and BDSM community. She suggested Susan's! I can't believe I'm writing this, and I'm looking forward to having the confidence to hit the 'Post' button. Thank you all for your courage, both to be yourself and to question and investigate yourself. Mostly for loving yourself, because that's what I'm here to try to do. It's not easy for me. I'd like to make friends, hopefully find that I'm not alone in the confusing things and crazy family situations, and to see, be and hear who I am and who you are!
I'm an artist and my name is Candy! Kisses!
"The Devyl she made sweet Candy
Took six days and nights to dream
On the seventh day she rested
Woke up early and made ice cream" >:-)
P.O.T.U.S.A.
Hi Candy, welcome to Susan's Place! I couldn't resist the opportunity to post the Candy lyrics..slightly modified. :)
See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Welcome Candy!
Chrissy
Hi Candy, welcome to Susan's! Thank you for sharing your story :)
@CandyFreedom Dear Candy
I am glad that you have become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your posting with other members here on the Forums. Other members will certainly be along to address some of your specific comments in your first posting here.
I am thinking that you may lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation..
Please allow me to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place.
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here.
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
I have included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place. Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.
Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
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Hello Candy and welcome to Susan's.
:)
Welcome to the site candy. And from a fellow AA congratulations on 6 months sobriety.
Hi Candy :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M