Short-time lurker, first-time poster. I'm going to warn you, this is awkward.
I first became aware of the idea of changing genders 20 years ago. I didn't feel right as puberty happened. "Normal" 15-year-old boys don't fantasize about turning into mermaids, right? But the library had a few magazine pieces about transsexuals (as was the terminology then), which I studied. And then, in the primordial ooze of the early Internet, I discovered fictional stories of men being transformed into women, and I felt like they spoke to me.
And fiction is where it has stayed since. I did some private crossdressing, with prom/bridesmaid dresses bought off eBay, but mostly it was through porn and self-stimulation. I want to have long hair, wear beautiful gowns, just dress like a girl every day. Today I have a substantial closet and have spent MUCH more in the past year on women's clothing than men's. There's consistency: I always fantasize about being, or becoming, the woman/female. The male role (and male body) turns me off. I HATE dressing up as a man, and am thankful my job does not require a suit and tie.
Then, in the past two years, I hit a wall. My biological time bomb went off. By this, I mean a confluence of events happened that signaled to me that it was now or never. (And the world went barking mad, but the less said about that the better.) I came out to my therapist, who I had sought out years ago specifically because he had trans issues on his list but I hadn't had the strength to tell him. I also came out to my pastor, who has been understanding, but of course told me that not everyone would be.
I want to take the leap, if only to be sure that I tried. I want to start HRT, but the waiting list is long, and I have plenty of concerns/obstacles, most notably my parents. Have I said enough here, or can/should I go on with a TMI dump?
@Jennifer M
Hi Jennifer, Nice to meet you! I'm sure in time as you talk to people on Susans, and read lots of material, you will become more certain of your path forward. What country are you in? I ask because you mentioned a waiting list for hrt??
Take care,
Sonja.
Hi Jennifer 🙋♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place! I'm Jessica.
Your therapist should be able to help you contact a endocrinologist who can help you with hrt. Depending on where you are it could take a letter from a therapist confirming that you are ready for it or in some areas "informed consent" (where you make the decision based on your understanding of the risks and benefits) is what is required.
You may be surprised at how your parents may react. There is a member here that had a father that seemed very conservative, but at first meeting with his daughter, he was overjoyed and loves her still!
I see your new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted red. It has answers to questions that are commonly asked. Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
@Jennifer M Hello Jennifer M:
Thank you for signing up to become a member of Susan's Place, and thank you for your very first posting.
I see that our lovely member and Global Moderator @Jessica gave you her Welcome Message.
Please allow me to also give you a warm Welcome to Susan's Place. You will find that it is a safe and friendly place to be to share your story and to hear what others have to say regarding subjects of interest too you.
Now that you have written your introduction post here you will now be seen by many members here on the forums and will able to have more give and take and sharing of thoughts with other like-minded members here.
There is a good chance too that you can make some new friends here on the forums.
Please be certain to look at the Susan's Place informational LINKS that Jessica included at the end of her Welcome Message. Pay particular attention to the LINKS IN RED, there will be answers for questions that most new members will ask.
Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle
Hi Jennifer :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Welcome Jennifer :)
You've already found supportive people, and that's great. You also came here and it cool too, because now you can read some non-fiction stories about men transformed into women and look at path they've walked down. You'll see there's great pile of different obstacles people meet on their way and may read something about removing it. Enjoy your time here :)
I'm in the US. The nearest LGBT-specific doctor only meets new patients on Tuesdays, so I had to make the appointment before I even have the day officially off work.
Quote from: Jessica on August 20, 2018, 10:00:42 PM
You may be surprised at how your parents may react. There is a member here that had a father that seemed very conservative, but at first meeting with his daughter, he was overjoyed and loves her still!
Trust me, I have very good reason to believe that will not be the reaction.
Perhaps I should sprinkle my TMI list of concerns/issues across more specific topic categories? Or post them here?
I'm new here so may be wrong, but I believe you can find it more effective to put your concerns into specific categories :)
Quote from: Vesh on August 21, 2018, 11:31:46 AM
I'm new here so may be wrong, but I believe you can find it more effective to put your concerns into specific categories :)
@Vesh @Jennifer M
You are correct Vesh...thank you for your helpful input for our new member ...
The Introductions Forum is for just that, and specific and continued conversation should eventually be taken to another category for the best interaction from other members.
So anyway, Jennifer M, all that needs to be done is to go to the Forums Boards:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?action=collapse;c=3;sa=expand;ef7256667471=20d5dbd55c17ff84f6adcf1afa1edfe6#c3
Then scroll down to "Community Conversation" and then select a Forum Topic area of interest. Once there you can read other threads and postings of interest and reply to them..... and you can also click the "New Topic" button and compose a new thread of your own.
Any questions, please feel free to ask on a reply post here or send me a PM.
Danielle
Welcome to Susans Jennifer M
Quote from: Jennifer M on August 20, 2018, 09:27:11 PM
can/should I go on with a TMI dump?
Absolutely! And Susans members will actually read the whole thing because it not only helps you get it all out so you can focus better on what you are experiencing, it helps all our members as we all relate to a common experience.
Quote from: Jennifer M on August 20, 2018, 09:27:11 PM
"can/should I go on with a TMI dump?"
Bring it! ;D
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/59100-210818164317.jpeg)
Welcome to Susan's Place!
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Jennifer M on August 20, 2018, 09:27:11 PM
"Normal" 15-year-old boys don't fantasize about turning into mermaids, right
Actually, they do. I am a member of MaleSurvivor.org, a forum for men who experienced sexual abuse. Sexual fantasies about being or becoming a woman/female, crossdressing, pornography addictions and sexual confusion are all common topics discussed by cisgender guys on the forum.