This has been bugging me the past couple of days. I will never be a cis woman. When I imagined myself before transition I imagined myself having the life of a cis woman, not only the looks. I just want to be "normal", not have a trans baggage or a constructed vagina that can't have children. It's not that I'm dysphoric about not being able to have children, it's that sometimes I feel like a "made in China" knock-off that will never be the real deal. I also can't get rid of my height, my frame, my hands, my feet...I will always be "trans" (visibly and in my life experiences) no matter what I do. Living in stealth could help me get the closest to having a cis life but that brings a whole new set of problems like having to lie to everyone about my past. I can't and don't wanna do that.
Anyway, I'm just venting. I know that's just the way things are, can't do anything to change it, just wish in my next life I'm a cisgender woman.
How do you cope with these feelings?
Honestly, I'm often too busy dealing with Life, the Universe amd Everything to worry about something I can't change.
Currently, planning my top surgery along with dealing with my boyfriend's rapidly deteriorating hip joint is taking up my life right now.
Sure, it sometimes bothers me that I'll never be cis, but I can't do anything about it. I would have loved to have been taught how to shave by my Dad, how to treat a lady properly (even though I'm gay [emoji6]) or how to do an oil change, but Life handed me this lemon-AFAB body, so I'm learning to make my own lemonaide.
Ryuichi
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I've definitely dealt with this on numerous occasions, and I've let it suck me into self-pity, depression, and worthlessness.
But I'm starting to distance myself from "cis" and "trans" differentiation on a personal level. Despite the importance of these terms in social, medical, and other public spheres, all they have done for me is cause a different rift in my being than the one that existed before I began to transition.
I'm a woman. My body, my mind, my spirit are all a woman's body, mind, and spirit because if I'm a woman and those are mine, they are part of this woman. Sure, I won't be able to have certain things a "cis" woman might have - or not, for some - but I have certain things a "cis" woman will never have. Those things don't disqualify me or designate my womanhood as subpar.
I know, pretty words that sound all hopeful and Pollyanna-ish. But words that are spoken, er, typed by someone who has dealt with the situation you find yourself in right now.
I get what you're saying. Intellectually I know I am female, and know and accept the differences of being a trans female. Every now and then though, the emotions get control where it just feels like my body is never going to be right, I'm never going to be accepted, etc. The spells generally pass after a little time when my brain can out think my emotions again. Sometimes just venting about it (Susan's is quite useful for that) helps speed that along.
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I absolutely thought I was a cisgender man, and I wasn't a happy person. Discovering the beautiful, vibrant woman inside me has filled my life with light.
So for me, the answer is a firm "No".
Hugs, Devlyn
No, I like being me. I am unique. If I were cis I would not be me.
Quote from: ds1987 on September 01, 2018, 12:30:34 PM
I'm starting to distance myself from "cis" and "trans" differentiation on a personal level. Despite the importance of these terms in social, medical, and other public spheres, all they have done for me is cause a different rift in my being than the one that existed before I began to transition.
I'm a woman. My body, my mind, my spirit are all a woman's body, mind, and spirit because if I'm a woman and those are mine, they are part of this woman. Sure, I won't be able to have certain things a "cis" woman might have - or not, for some - but I have certain things a "cis" woman will never have. Those things don't disqualify me or designate my womanhood as subpar.
So true.
QuoteI know, pretty words that sound all hopeful and Pollyanna-ish.
Hope isn't trite. :)
I don't think going stealth is lying about one's past... I see it (if I'm ever lucky enough to pass, let alone be able yo go stealth..) as embracing lessons in life. My past hurt me the most and if I could cope by passing and having (most) people know me only as a woman, then I could make my life worthwhile. Otherwise (for me) I feel like I would be living my life for others... I don't know lol but I do wonder what being cis is like. I know before hrt, I was miserable and now that I'm on hrt I'm always going to be "trans". So I really don't and never will truly know what being cis even is.
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If I could go back in time and pick my birth gender, I would pick female. But that was not how I came out. My socialization was different. My life histories and experiences were different, and that does create some distance from what I can be as a transwoman and a cis woman. I feel something like more of a half-sister than full sister to cis women, though I sure do feel closely related. And I think there is no doubt that trans and cis women share bonds that don't exist with cis men. It does bother me. I wish it could have been different, but it is not too useful to think much about what might have been, especially when nothing could ever been done to change it.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 01, 2018, 10:57:22 AM
This has been bugging me the past couple of days. I will never be a cis woman. When I imagined myself before transition I imagined myself having the life of a cis woman, not only the looks. I just want to be "normal", not have a trans baggage or a constructed vagina that can't have children. It's not that I'm dysphoric about not being able to have children, it's that sometimes I feel like a "made in China" knock-off that will never be the real deal. I also can't get rid of my height, my frame, my hands, my feet...I will always be "trans" (visibly and in my life experiences) no matter what I do. Living in stealth could help me get the closest to having a cis life but that brings a whole new set of problems like having to lie to everyone about my past. I can't and don't wanna do that.
Anyway, I'm just venting. I know that's just the way things are, can't do anything to change it, just wish in my next life I'm a cisgender woman.
How do you cope with these feelings?
Not any more. Being trans is a blessing because I can live a more complete life from both sides of the fence and I LOVE being now. You accept what you can't change, change what you can, and get on with enjoying life.
It doesn't bother me. Sure, I wish I were cis. If I were offered a pill that could make me cis I'd ask for two of them. But I'm not cis, never have been cis, and never will be. And that's ok. I'm transgender and I'm ok with it.
No, it doesn't bother me at all. I am a woman, and I am my true self. I never wanted the cis experiences of pregnancy, childbirth, and menstruation, so I don't miss them.
I did want to socialize as a woman and, with a bit of a learning curve, I am doing that. And I wanted a female body, which I am still working on. Life is good.
I hope everyone realizes that the term "cis" was constructed / invented to draw a distinction between you and ordinary women, natal woman who were born female and then raised and enculturated as women.
That distinction did not exist until it was created in some misguided effort to....I don't know make us feel different?
I'm a woman. I always have been, even though I didn't know it or couldn't admit it. (Stupid toxic culture...)
Cis and Trans are arbitrary boxes drawn by this culture to try and keep us all sorted into nice tidy bins. OK, but that just means I'll use the culture's sorting criteria and social mechanisms to force it to regard me as being in the bin I find most appropriate, rather than the one some high priest or administrator has decreed.
I'm a woman. I took a longer, more convoluted path than most to my womanhood. That path is irrelevant.
I am a woman.
It does.
As for coping—well, I don't know whether I do. If so, it may be by acknowledging that I do sort of like some aspects of myself, and that probably some of them would never have come to be had I been born and raised with a body like that of my sisters.
Quote from: Complete on September 01, 2018, 07:02:29 PM
I hope everyone realizes that the term "cis" was constructed / invented to draw a distinction between you and ordinary women, natal woman who were born female and then raised and enculturated as women.
That distinction did not exist until it was created in some misguided effort to....I don't know make us feel different?
Cis actually wasn't a recently "invented" word, but a Latin word used to define those that are "on this side of." Trans means "on the other side of," and as this wikipedia article explains, is often used in scientific circles, among other places.
I found this out recently when researching something else. Apparently, using the term "cisgender" to mean those people that are not transgender is a relatively recent development, and its explained a bit further in the article.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cisgender#Etymology_and_terminology (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cisgender#Etymology_and_terminology)
I"m simply happy that I now know "I'm not the only trans person" like I used to think I was, and also that there's an actual
term for what I am. When you have ADHD, sometimes terms make understanding the world we live in a little easier to understand. ;)
Ryuichi
I'm too old to waste time worrying about stuff like that.
Let me put it this way: let's say your dream car is a Yenko 427 Camaro, but you can't afford an original, all you can afford is a recently constructed clone.
Are you going to stand in your garage crying about it?
Sorry, I'll be out burning the tread off the tires and blasting tunes on the stereo. Every little bit of femininity I get a chance to experience is cause for celebration, every look at a mirror a reason to smile. As long as I can fill out a bikini, I'm heading for the pool or the beach.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 01, 2018, 10:57:22 AM
This has been bugging me the past couple of days. I will never be a cis woman. When I imagined myself before transition I imagined myself having the life of a cis woman, not only the looks. I just want to be "normal", not have a trans baggage or a constructed vagina that can't have children. It's not that I'm dysphoric about not being able to have children, it's that sometimes I feel like a "made in China" knock-off that will never be the real deal. I also can't get rid of my height, my frame, my hands, my feet...I will always be "trans" (visibly and in my life experiences) no matter what I do. Living in stealth could help me get the closest to having a cis life but that brings a whole new set of problems like having to lie to everyone about my past. I can't and don't wanna do that.
Anyway, I'm just venting. I know that's just the way things are, can't do anything to change it, just wish in my next life I'm a cisgender woman.
How do you cope with these feelings?
I've been out of the egg for nearly a year and a half. Although, once in a while, I do get a visit from the doubt fairy, I have known from that time and from the core of my being who I am.
And maybe that's why it can be hard to look at myself and see what I'm saddled with. Lately, it's been getting harder.
This probably isn't what you want to hear, but it's my answer -- at least for now.
Life isn't perfect, for anyone. Many people -- not just us -- are stuck with afflictions that will affect them all their lives. Their nature may be physical, biochemical or psychological; but, whatever they are, they are permanent.
I think we can get some guidance from watching such people and seeing how they handle their situations. Some let themselves be swallowed up by them. Some take it out on other people, or society at large. Some simply overcome. And some, like Stephen Hawking or Helen Keller, overcome spectacularly.
I think we should recognize, first, that we aren't alone in our sorrows. We have each other. And then there's acceptance: accept that some things probably won't change and ask yourself, "Do I want to spend the rest of my life grieving over what I can't have, or do I want to spend it enjoying what I can?" I think it's a mistake to try to pretend that things are not the way they are for us; but it's also a mistake to dwell on it. Everyone gets dealt some bad cards; what matters is what we do with them. And, sometimes, what looks like the worst hand in the world turns out to be the best hand. You never know what's coming around the corner.
No not at all. I tried to live my assigned sex. Two wives, two kids but always at the back of my mind were the fact that I hated that thing. I've been laughed at. Asked if I was deformed and I had to say yes because it's true. I've still got it unfortunately but now at least with the estrogen I'm not going crazy because of it. The only thing I miss are periods and bearing children. It was always on my prayer list but...
I live a life as a female and am totally accepted as one. I have listened for hours about their hardships and problems with new ones emerging constantly. Often thinking how lucky I am not to have some of their problems. I have cried with them as their realtionship have broken up, as new health issues emerge, and their life tradjedy.. I have been accepted to the female tribe, yet, I am proud to be the third gender. Many come to me to consult and help them understand men and I am given the opportunity to understand what it is to be a woman.
Yes, it does bother me A LOT. Sometimes I feel like a fraud, a fake copy of a guy. I'm tired and sick of all these problems just because I don't identify with my birth sex. It's sickening. My fear of being seen as vulnerable seems to crossover with my gender identity, like if I'm a male I'm supposed to be "strong" and "powerful". Btw, I'm an 8w7 enneagram type.
I hate it when people call me feminine adjectives. I hate it when I have to wear a dress on formal occasions when I could wear a tux if I could. I hate having to check female on application forms. I hate the stereotypes that people impose on me. I hate that some people just don't get it. I hate my body that doesn't want me to get into sports because of stupid gender dysphoria. I hate my hormones and my reproductive organs that will go to waste once I get the surgery.
I hate that I will never be cis.
*No Profanity Please*
Yes it does. It bothers me that I will have to dilate for the rest of my life and it bothers me that I can't ever have a child though I don't like or want them. But the fact I CAN'T have them is a black mark against me though there are cis women who don't want kids but it's not seen as a "disability" with them. It bothers me but not as much as it used to thanks to my brother. Once I was feeling sorry for myself and talking about no matter what I did I would never be a cis "real" female. He told me I was being kind of ungrateful and instead of having a pity party for myself I should be thankful for the fact that my transition was so easy and to be thankful that I was prettier than many cis girls he knew. He also said to keep in mind that there would always be children who needed homes. After thinking about all that, not being cis became more of a regret for me than something that made me totally bitter.
Quote from: Complete on September 01, 2018, 07:02:29 PM
I hope everyone realizes that the term "cis" was constructed / invented to draw a distinction between you and ordinary women, natal woman who were born female and then raised and enculturated as women.
That distinction did not exist until it was created in some misguided effort to....I don't know make us feel different?
I'm pretty sure the term "cisgender" was created for the benefit of trans people, not cis people. Since it is (in theory) a value-nuetral term, it helps prevent cis people from being described as "normal" or "real", which demeans trans people since that implies that trans people are abnormal and fake.
I don't think I'll ever be normal, but it does bother me that I don't have a body that is inline with how I feel. I mean, even if I were to have a CIS female body right now, I would not be normal.. I would be a lot happier, but I don't think it is possible for me not to be weird. I'm incredibly introverted, a lot of things that people do, just does not make sense to me. Most people are very social creatures, while I am not. I almost feel alien at times.
It is funny, when watching HGTV, there is almost always a show on that has people looking to buy a house.. and the most important thing to them, is having enough space for guests, throwing parties, having guest rooms, and it just leaves me bewildered.. why would anyone want to have so many people over their house? I look at that kind of scenario as more of a nightmare. Everyone seems to want to impress one another, it seems to be an important part of our society, while I would rather just be left alone by society to live my own life.
When I envision myself eventually transitioning, I mostly think of just being comfortable in my own body. I don't have an urge to be part of social circles, or to hang out with the girls on a fun night out. I would probably still play around a lot on the Internet like I do now, I would have the same hobbies, etc. I will still prefer to live my life in relative isolation. I don't think that is normal in western societies.
So, I'm not happy with my body. But I don't really want to have the life that I often see portrayed in movies or shows of your typical CIS girl. I would want to have a CIS female body, mostly just so I felt comfortable in my own skin, and it is depressing that I don't.
Quote from: Complete on September 01, 2018, 07:02:29 PM
I hope everyone realizes that the term "cis" was constructed / invented to draw a distinction between you and ordinary women, natal woman who were born female and then raised and enculturated as women.
That distinction did not exist until it was created in some misguided effort to....I don't know make us feel different?
Before the word Cis was invented to make the distinction, a lot of people in the trans community used the term GG (genetic girl ) for natal women, so It's just semantics.
I certainly think I would have an easier and happier life if I'd been born cis, but even if it's harder and more painful, there are some valuable lessons I've learned from being trans.
One of my earliest clues that I was trans was frequent fantasies about getting pregnant and being a mom, and that desire only got stronger as I grew up. Knowing that's not going to happen, at least not without some massive medical advances in the next few years, can really get to me some days, especially when I see parents with children and I'm reminded how much I'd like children of my own. Of course it would be nice to have a more naturally feminine body, and I also feel like I missed out on some other experiences from being raised as a 'boy'.
But, I don't get to choose my body or my gender; the only choice I get to make is whether I stay in the closet, avoiding transition forever, or start making the necessary medical and social changes to finally live as myself. So far at least, I'm much, much happier transitioning and being out to people than I ever was trying to fit in as a guy, so that's what I'm going to keep doing.
It's definitely been hard and painful for me. I grew up in an environment that was pretty hostile towards lgbt folks, and all of the hate I saw and experienced is something that I'll carry with me for my whole life. I spent over 2 decades trying to live with my dysphoria and it was so bad that it nearly killed me several times, but I'm still alive. All of that has given me so much more perspective on what it's like to suffer in silence, and to be unfairly judged and mistreated for who you are. I'm sure that I have much more empathy for others, and that I recognize racism and sexism and other forms of prejudice far more easily because of the life I've lived than I would if I'd been born cis, so I try to make the most of that perspective by standing up for others that need it, so that their lives don't have to be as bad as mine was.
Quote from: zamber74 on September 02, 2018, 12:18:17 PM
I would want to have a CIS female body, mostly just so I felt comfortable in my own skin, and it is depressing that I don't.
Yeah.. and yet I see some trans women who are so naturally beautiful... it's actually astonishing to me. Yet I know being trans takes a lot of power away from us in the sense of who we are and how the world views us... it's a continuous burden to carry and let's not forget, a very lonely one. But I do understand..
Quote from: LeafyMeg45It's definitely89 on September 02, 2018, 01:56:24 PM
But, I don't get to choose my body or my gender; the only choice I get to make is whether I stay in the closet, avoiding transition forever, or start making the necessary medical and social changes to finally live as myself. So far at least, I'm much, much happier transitioning and being out to people than I ever was trying to fit in as a guy, so that's what I'm going to keep doing.
I'm sure that I have much more empathy for others, and that I recognize racism and sexism and other forms of prejudice far more easily because of the life I've lived than I would if I'd been born cis, so I try to make the most of that perspective by standing up for others that need it, so that their lives don't have to be as bad as mine was.
I feel this way. My road to true self awareness was long and plagued with obstacles and it didn't need to. I'm going to spend the time I have now to try and make it easier for others so they don't have to suffer in silence.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 01, 2018, 10:57:22 AM
This has been bugging me the past couple of days. I will never be a cis woman. When I imagined myself before transition I imagined myself having the life of a cis woman, not only the looks. I just want to be "normal", not have a trans baggage or a constructed vagina that can't have children. It's not that I'm dysphoric about not being able to have children, it's that sometimes I feel like a "made in China" knock-off that will never be the real deal. I also can't get rid of my height, my frame, my hands, my feet...I will always be "trans" (visibly and in my life experiences) no matter what I do. Living in stealth could help me get the closest to having a cis life but that brings a whole new set of problems like having to lie to everyone about my past. I can't and don't wanna do that.
Anyway, I'm just venting. I know that's just the way things are, can't do anything to change it, just wish in my next life I'm a cisgender woman.
How do you cope with these feelings?
I totally get you, girl. I could have written much of what you wrote. I don't know how visibly trans I am, because I can only assess that from a lack of negative feedback from people, but that doesn't necessarily mean they don't clock me or have personal doubts.
I tried dating sites without disclosing I am trans, and I got dates. But only once did I ever get a second date after disclosing I was a post-op transsexual. I could probably fool a lot of guys, even in bed, but I consider that too dishonest, not to mention dangerous, so I have relegated myself to fetish dating sites like mytranssexual date. Yeah, I get dates, but I feel so objectified. They have been little more than hook-ups, and leave me feeling worthless.
I was 56 when I decided to try transitioning - and I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams - but the dating pool for a 61 year-old transgender is pretty small. The irony is that I was a miserable 56 year-old cis-male when I started, unable to have sex with women because the dysphoria was just overwhelming, and I figured I had nothing to lose by transitioning. Four years later, after a tremendous expenditure of money and harrowing risk to my personal and professional well-being, I am justifiably amazed and pleased with the physical transformation, but I am left with a new and unexpected dysphoria - that of being so close to an authentic life of a cis-female, but never quite there. It brings new meaning to the old cliche, "No matter where you go, there you are."
I'm still wrestling with this whole issue, as well as trying to figure out my sexuality. Still, if this is all I get from transition, I can honestly say I'd rather be a discontent trans-female than a discontent cis-male.
With kindness,
Terri
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 01, 2018, 10:57:22 AM
This has been bugging me the past couple of days. I will never be a cis woman. When I imagined myself before transition I imagined myself having the life of a cis woman, not only the looks. I just want to be "normal", not have a trans baggage or a constructed vagina that can't have children. It's not that I'm dysphoric about not being able to have children, it's that sometimes I feel like a "made in China" knock-off that will never be the real deal. I also can't get rid of my height, my frame, my hands, my feet...I will always be "trans" (visibly and in my life experiences) no matter what I do. Living in stealth could help me get the closest to having a cis life but that brings a whole new set of problems like having to lie to everyone about my past. I can't and don't wanna do that.
Anyway, I'm just venting. I know that's just the way things are, can't do anything to change it, just wish in my next life I'm a cisgender woman.
How do you cope with these feelings?
Dear friend, this is the major cause of the dysphoria I have.
I know I'll never be a cis-woman. Never grow into a woman from a girl. Never have the experiences that shape you into the female mindset. Never have children from my womb.
I does hurt, but this is a fact of reality and I will need to accept it or die trying.
I think being trans gave me a great perspective, it's an experience that is quite unique, especially when leading a double life as I have done in the last few years. It would have been great to experience what is like to grow up as a girl but being trans probably saved me from getting close to people who would have dragged me down with them, so I wouldn't trade in my past but there are quite a few things that bug me.
It bothers me that I will never be able to live without HRT, that medical science is not advanced enough to make my body the same as a cis woman's body and that I have to spend years and/or a lot of money to reach the level where I sound and look alright, at least on the surface.
It bothers me that I will never be able to sing, I'll never have a beautiful voice like my mother had.
I still cry sometimes when it occurs to me that I'll never give birth probably. I'm surrounded with pregnant co-workers and I'm constantly reminded of what I'll never have.
It bothers me that I have to explain myself like I did something wrong, that I have to fight for my rights and fight for respect.
Years ago the trans girls I knew thought I would transition quickly and easily because they thought I was pretty. I'm still not out because I see how they were treated behind their backs and I want none of that. I wish to reach a level where people don't question my gender, I had enough bullying and loneliness for a lifetime when I was a child, I don't wish to repeat the same experience 20 years later but leading a double life slowly makes me insane.
Quote from: zamber74 on September 02, 2018, 12:18:17 PM
It is funny, when watching HGTV, there is almost always a show on that has people looking to buy a house.. and the most important thing to them, is having enough space for guests, throwing parties, having guest rooms, and it just leaves me bewildered.. why would anyone want to have so many people over their house? I look at that kind of scenario as more of a nightmare. Everyone seems to want to impress one another, it seems to be an important part of our society, while I would rather just be left alone by society to live my own life.
Some really enjoy the company of others even to an extreme level.
Quote from: Lynne on September 02, 2018, 04:30:01 PM
It bothers me that I will never be able to live without HRT, that medical science is not advanced enough to make my body the same as a cis woman's body and that I have to spend years and/or a lot of money to reach the level where I sound and look alright, at least on the surface.
It bothers me that I will never be able to sing, I'll never have a beautiful voice like my mother had.
I still cry sometimes when it occurs to me that I'll never give birth probably. I'm surrounded with pregnant co-workers and I'm constantly reminded of what I'll never have.
Yeah, I keep imagining myself having a deep male opera voice all the time. I don't know if I'll get the full transition in the future but as a FtM it will bother me still having my uterus and ovaries. So I have my period. And then ??? I think it's very, very unnecessary. Having my own children is not the issue but HOW I will produce them. I want to be a father. I don't think of myself as suitable for "motherly childcare".
I'm hoping that scientists will do something about this. Perhaps they will also find a way to make childbirth less, less painful
Quote from: Complete on September 01, 2018, 07:02:29 PM
I hope everyone realizes that the term "cis" was constructed / invented to draw a distinction between you and ordinary women, natal woman who were born female and then raised and enculturated as women.
That distinction did not exist until it was created in some misguided effort to....I don't know make us feel different?
But... We are different. I have something between my legs that reminds me of that everyday.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 02, 2018, 05:04:47 PM
But... We are different. I have something between my legs that reminds me of that everyday.
Yes, even if our gender isn't defined by our bodies, our bodies are still different from the average cis people's body.
If trans people wouldn't be any different, this site and many others like it wouldn't exist.
Personally, l prefer not to dwell on being different. I find it is much easier blending in.
Quote from: Ryuichi13 on September 01, 2018, 11:44:27 PM
Cis actually wasn't a recently "invented" word, but a Latin word used to define those that are "on this side of." Trans means "on the other side of," and as this wikipedia article explains, is often used in scientific circles, among other places.
Cis and trans are not words but prefixes derived from latin meaning on the same side and and across from. The most common usage is in organic chemistry to describe the spacial relationship of functional groups relative to a double bond.
I don't think cisgender was in general use yet when I first found the T* community on line in the late 80's or early 90s. By the mid late 90s it had bee common.
gg in the TS community meant "genetic girl" ... though in the crossdressing community I think it meant "genuine girl"
Never really liked the terms cisgender and transgender though I think both were coined in the T* community. From a MTF perspective, as a 20 year post-op i feel those labels just serve to emphasize the differences between post-ops and other women and in that way are counter productive...
That said i know cisgender and transgender are firmly imbedded terms in the community and in the public consciousness these days so arguing that serves no purpose...
Again from a MTF perspective, my own personal feeling is that how one got to be a woman SHOULD stop mattering so much after awhile... that to me is what the goal of transitioning should be about, be that by stealth or by whom one surrounds oneself with.
The things I can't fix are there and always will be, but should they be the defining factors of one's life forever? Is it even healthy to let them define it?
- karen
One of the interesting things about transition so far is that I have started to understand what it's like for normal people. I think my mind has been healing, and the irony of that is I can now see what I'm missing - or have been missing - what it's like to feel more normal, but of course I'm not normal myself, nor ever will be. I wasn't able to see it before, being so uncomfortable and clouded and subjected to hormones that exacerbated all my faults, including a blindness to normal states.
I could let it bother me I suppose, but there's no point. I was born like this. There's no undoing it. I'm feeling better mostly, apart from that increased awareness of a normal state of mind, and I don't think I have the energy to start wanting my life over again normally... I'm too tired for that now. Might as well just get on with it.
But I suppose that is one of those potential pitfalls of transition. As things come into clearer focus, so too does the awareness and sensation of what "feels right" is, and yet you still won't be 100% there in body. I can see how some people feel worse after they transition because now the goal is even nearer yet still so far. I don't think I was cut out - besides being trans - for a regular life anyway though so my pain regards it is less, and fortunately for me, testosterone lessens stress, sadness, emotions towards it, etc.
Well since 'cis' means 'same as', I will never ever be the same as anyone else -- on earth apparently.
Would I want to be someones clone? Maybe? I think it'd be awesome to have an identical twin, but by the gods I'd feel sorry for the crap she'd have to go through too. At least it'd be someone to commiserate with, if nothing else.
That being said, I do regret not having a 'normal' female puberty.. all that goes with it. Then again I didn't have a normal male puberty either. I regret never having children, but I still haven't finished the book on that possibility. I'm a stubborn gal. I also have extenuating circumstances that still might make it possible, even at my age.
Wishes, prayers, and yes even magick are powerful things. Never lose hope, it springs eternal. That being said wishing for the utterly impossible (like being born 'normal') is a waste of time, unless you can manage to go back into that sperm & egg & alter its course.
Quote from: Complete on September 01, 2018, 07:02:29 PM
I hope everyone realizes that the term "cis" was constructed / invented to draw a distinction between you and ordinary women, natal woman who were born female and then raised and enculturated as women.
That distinction did not exist until it was created in some misguided effort to....I don't know make us feel different?
I know where all these natal women come from. :laugh:
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/59100-020918211138.jpeg)
At times it does bother me a bit. But, thinking about Aunt Flo visiting every month keeps me ok with who I am. Cis-male junk is pretty much maintenance free and once you transition, although you will have the physical aspects of a vagina, you will have none of the burdens cis-females have. Makes me respect cis-females more and balance my views.
I have often thought how wonderful it must be for young cis-females to watch their bodies develop into the most perfect human form, which is female IMHO. :icon_chick: Then they get Aunt Flo, can get pregnant and have to pass a small watermelon through a fairly tight space ... and breast cancer concerns, etc.
So, the bottom line for me is sometimes I feel like a pretender because I know I will never experience the downside of being cis-female. But, I balance that with the joy I get when experiencing the up side, which is all the wonderful changes that happen with HRT. :)
Quote from: zamber74 on September 02, 2018, 12:18:17 PM
I'm incredibly introverted, a lot of things that people do, just does not make sense to me. Most people are very social creatures, while I am not. I almost feel alien at times.
Everyone seems to want to impress one another, it seems to be an important part of our society, while I would rather just be left alone by society to live my own life.
When I envision myself eventually transitioning, I mostly think of just being comfortable in my own body. I don't have an urge to be part of social circles, or to hang out with the girls on a fun night out. I would probably still play around a lot on the Internet like I do now, I would have the same hobbies, etc. I will still prefer to live my life in relative isolation. I don't think that is normal in western societies.
So, I'm not happy with my body. But I don't really want to have the life that I often see portrayed in movies or shows of your typical CIS girl. I would want to have a CIS female body, mostly just so I felt comfortable in my own skin, and it is depressing that I don't.
I agree with this. I am on HRT 7 months and will be publicly transitioning in 2019. I am introvert but hopefully not introspective. I like limited sociability only and generally am happy in my own company and believe my interests and hobbies will remain mostly the same.
Yes I would love to have been born cisfemale such that so many years would not have been preoccupied with GD but also so that I could have lived as a little girl and later developed gradually both physically and emotionally into a woman. However that was not to be as I like so many others, were dealt the wrong cards. There is nothing I can do about it as we cannot travel back in time to change my conception and 9 months later my birth.
So it is yes and no. Yes it does bother me at times but No we must not dwell on it.
Hugs to all
Pamela
Sometimes it does bother me, yes.
I'm really just starting this journey into womanhood, but there are aspects to being cis that I wish I could have.
I for one do wish that I could have a uterus, get pregnant, and have kids that way. But it sadly isn't possible with where medical science is at the moment.
I also worry that I won't really be seen as a real girl, and I won't be as accepted as I hope to be. I'm still in the closet with my family for example. I don't know if my mom will ever really see me as her oldest daughter and not her oldest son.
I'm more upset that I will never have been cis. I'm 23. I'm still young. But I feel like I have no childhood. I was raised a boy. Things would have been different, for better or worse, and I can't shake that. No matter where I go from here, it's not where I'm meant to be.
23 :o! I was recovering from srs at 23. Why not stop being unhappy because things are not as you woul'd like and intead, work towards making things the way you want them to be.
The past is done over history. Nothing can be done about the past. The future however is all yours. Own it. Take control over it. Make it what you want it to be.
I try to focus more on the advantages than what I'm missing out on. I'll never have to worry about getting pregnant, suffering through periods, or hitting menopause. I don't want to have kids, so aside from spending my first 25 years as a guy, I'm not missing out on much.
Alright, sure, 25 years of silent, confused suffering and anxiety sounds bad, but it's in the past. Hakuna Matata.
Quote from: DustKitten on September 03, 2018, 11:24:35 AM
I try to focus more on the advantages than what I'm missing out on. I'll never have to worry about getting pregnant, suffering through periods, or hitting menopause. I don't want to have kids, so aside from spending my first 25 years as a guy, I'm not missing out on much.
Alright, sure, 25 years of silent, confused suffering and anxiety sounds bad, but it's in the past. Hakuna Matata.
You're right not having to worry about an unexpected or unplanned for pregnancy allows for much more opportunities to explore the joys of connecting with the opposite sex. No need for pills or other birthday control. Also one can enjoy greater freedom in relationships and career choices.
Quote from: Complete on September 03, 2018, 12:32:46 PM
You're right not having to worry about an unexpected or unplanned for pregnancy allows for much more opportunities to explore the joys of connecting with the opposite sex. No need for pills or other birthday control.
Not for pregnancy... but given that STD diagnoses have reached record levels in the US, insisting on condom use is still important.
- karen
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on September 01, 2018, 10:57:22 AM
How do you cope with these feelings?
I remove the prefix "Cis". That's how I cope with them. That's really the only way I cope with them. I don't like differentiating between how I have lived and how natal women have lived. I've done it. Yeesh have I done it. Like you, I've gone through the same gamut of emotion, of regrets, of wishing that my life could have been so different. Of realising that my life will be different, because of something that happened when I was born. Something I had no control over.
But I cope by trying to hold on to the understanding that different doesn't have to mean worse. Different doesn't have to make me anything less than anyone else. 7.2 billion people in the world. 7.2 billion different lives, different experiences. Different journeys through a sometimes messy, sometimes complicated, sometimes awesome existence.
I may not be Cis, but I am no less a woman than any other woman on the planet. I may not have the anatomy, but I have the psychology, the attitude, and perhaps most importantly of all, the emotional connection to who I am. That's what keeps me going. However I look, whatever I have to do, whatever I go through in life, that's the one constant. The one thing which doesn't change. And that's really how I cope with it. I may not have the same life as other women. I may not have
had the same life as other women. But other women don't have the same lives as other women, either. For all the similarities between people, there are just as many differences.
In all the ways that matter, I am as much me as if I'd been shoved out when I was born and the doc had said "Congratulations, it's a girl." That's what I try to hold on to, that's what keeps me going. The things that have happened in my life and the things I've had to deal with, I think they have happened for a reason. To make me who I am. The things I will have to deal with... no, they may sometimes not be what I want. Things may be painful, or confusing, or awkward... or awesome, or teach me something I never knew... but I believe stuff happens for a reason.
There was a time I wanted to be normal. But now I just want to be me. Someone once said to me that if you think someone is normal, you just haven't known them long enough, lol. And that's kinda true. Everyone is their own shade of unique. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. Coming to terms with that is what's let me come to terms with a lot of my feelings about how I was born, and how my life is likely to go.
That's how I cope with it. :)
Nah, cis people are boring. I love them, but they understand, like, so little about their genders and their privileges.
Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
Quote from: Tamika Olivia on September 03, 2018, 10:16:43 PM
Nah, cis people are boring. I love them, but they understand, like, so little about their genders and their privileges.
SO TRUE!
But at least we don't take privileges for granted, right? ;)
Ryuichi
Quote from: Tamika Olivia on September 03, 2018, 10:16:43 PM
Nah, cis people are boring. I love them, but they understand, like, so little about their genders and their privileges.
Indeed.
We who have seen inside, and have transcended gender know and understand truths that others dare not even admit exist.
Whole empires of reasoning have been constructed on what we few know are not truths, but the sands of false assumptions. Those few invested in these empires who grasp what we know fear us and our knowledge of these sands.
It does not bother me that I know these truths, nor does it bother me that I cannot claim the dubious innocence of ignorance.
I think it would if I were younger and had not already sired a child but I've lived a good life, and there are many women who can't tick the standard cisgender boxes who don't have gender dysphoria. Women who can't have children. Women who lose their breasts to cancer. Women who go bald. Women for whom vaginal sex is too painful to engage in. They are no less women because of their impairments. As Jack Sparrow says, "there's only what a (wo)man can do, and what a (wo)man can't do." To get bogged down in the details is to lose sight of the goal.
Quote from: Michelle_P on September 04, 2018, 09:39:03 AM
Indeed.
We who have seen inside, and have transcended gender know and understand truths that others dare not even admit exist.
Whole empires of reasoning have been constructed on what we few know are not truths, but the sands of false assumptions. Those few invested in these empires who grasp what we know fear us and our knowledge of these sands.
It does not bother me that I know these truths, nor does it bother me that I cannot claim the dubious innocence of ignorance.
@Michelle_P Dear Michelle:Very, very, very nicely stated, my feelings exactly.
Frankly, being a transwoman and not being cis-female is quite an advantage, I have the insight, experience and the knowledge of when I was a male .... I know precisely how men think (or at least how I was thinking as a man) and now I can see and anticipate that kind of thinking when I am approached by men.
I am obviously missing however the life long experiences of being a female subjected to men's actions but I am learning quite quickly... I have the good fortune of having many cis-female very good friends to act as my "body guards" and my guides... which I consider a very good thing indeed!!!!
Thank you for posting your wisdom... as you always seem to do quite eloquently.
Hugs and well wishes for a speedy recovery from your surgery.
Danielle
Yes. It bothers and disturbs me greatly.
Quote from: zamber74 on September 02, 2018, 12:18:17 PM
I don't think I'll ever be normal, but it does bother me that I don't have a body that is inline with how I feel. I mean, even if I were to have a CIS female body right now, I would not be normal.. I would be a lot happier, but I don't think it is possible for me not to be weird. I'm incredibly introverted, a lot of things that people do, just does not make sense to me. Most people are very social creatures, while I am not. I almost feel alien at times.
...
When I envision myself eventually transitioning, I mostly think of just being comfortable in my own body. I don't have an urge to be part of social circles, or to hang out with the girls on a fun night out. I would probably still play around a lot on the Internet like I do now, I would have the same hobbies, etc. I will still prefer to live my life in relative isolation. I don't think that is normal in western societies.
So, I'm not happy with my body. But I don't really want to have the life that I often see portrayed in movies or shows of your typical CIS girl. I would want to have a CIS female body, mostly just so I felt comfortable in my own skin, and it is depressing that I don't.
That is so much like me.
I desperately wanted to develop into womanhood. I dreamed of being a mom with a handful of kids. Knowing that I will never have my own babies is depressing. I would take decades of visits from Aunt Flo over going bald. I would trade 10 inches of height for femininity in a heartbeat.
I could/would say I was "socialized" as male, but that's kind of a lie since I have no socialization skills whatsoever. I dream of being "one of the girls" but know I wouldn't be good at the banter women engage in all the time. Generalization though it may be, girls are allowed to be shy in ways that boys are not. But my introversion is so overwhelming that it may not matter.
Do I wish I was born CIS ? Well I dearly wish I could become CIS female but that cant happen, so as a realist I'm going for the next best option - trans-woman. As a father & uncle I am quite maternal. I strongly suspect if I had been born CIS female I would have had a good life and be a wife and mother now - something I believe is the best thing anyone can be. Trouble is if I was CIS female I possibly wouldn't have the appreciation and admiration for females I have now. I do regret that I could never bear children and my offspring be so close and a part of me that only a mother can experience. I work with a fellow engineer who is a good friend and a CIS woman and she said her agenda will have to suffer because she will have to carry the babies. I explained she was looking squarely at the worlds greatest gift in this life & I explained as above. She smiled and took it on board.
As a realist in this life I believe we try to do the best with the cards we are dealt. I'm happy I was born male but I am a woman as well. I have to earn my femininity and really bask in it when I can.
So THERE !
Kirsten xx