I just want to vomit right now. Look at the bright side, they say. Don't focus on the negative, they say. There's nothing good about my female body. I'm sorry but it's just giving me unnecessary problems. It's useless because I have no use for it, duh. I hate my breasts, I hate my vagina, I hate my stupid body structure, my face, my hair, everything. I hate almost everything about how I look because it's female. AND WHAT GOOD WILL MY LIFE BE if I live as a female? Nothing. I'll be a miserable piece of <not allowed>. I don't want to get into sports because of my dysphoria. Will I not get the muscle mass I deserve, hm? At the same time I NEED to take care of my health. I don't wanna get breast cancer because it reminds me of what I DON'T WANT giving me WHAT I DON'T WANT WHICH ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FOR ME. I SEE NOTHING good about living as a female, as my biological sex. hell, why are there gender exclusive diseases and ->-bleeped-<-. Honestly if I had UTI I would feel worse because more biological females are affected by it. I wish I could just get rid of my reproductive organs. Everything. All of it. I don't care what others will say. I can live without having children. Yes, I just want to vomit right now looking at my hands on the keyboard........FEMALE hands. It's so hard to discuss how disgusted I am with my biological sex. I want my mind to STOP thinking I'm a girl pretending to be a guy. I want my mind to think I'm just a different guy. Sorry this is just rambling.
*Hey!!! Watch the Language Please*
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Hugs
V M
I get it. I get the hating your female body and all the problems that comes with it.
If you don't like it, do something about it!
Have you gone to a gender therapist yet? It sounds like you need to talk over your anger with a professional. Don't worry, I'm not saying you're crazy or anything like that. Sometimes GD comes out as anger. As long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else, there's nothing wrong with not liking the body you're stuck inside of.
Don't like having a uterus? Have it removed. Don't like breasts? Have them removed. Have you looked into surgical options yet? Many FTMs have, and have had male parts surgically added. But make sure you do your research! Have the surgeons do what you want done, and not what someone suggested for you.
Have you looked into HRT? Testosterone can help you somewhat change your body shape. You sound young. The younger you are when you start T, the more masculine your body should end up, depending on your genes, of course. I'm 56, nearly 57, and even at my age, the changes are pretty drastic. I've gained muscle, my voice has deepened, I've gained body and facial hair and more. sure my hands are still slender, but I've always been told I have sugeon's hands. I don't mind, especially since I was in the medical profession when I worked.
Maybe you should look into transitioning. Its something that sounds like you might need to do. Give it serious consideration, but above all, its your life. You do what's best for you. And don't let anyone tell you your thoughts/feelings/etc are wrong. They are yours, and you are allowed to feel/think/etc whatever fits you.
Good luck! :)
Ryuichi