this is fairly long, my appologies..
Well for a start I still barely get on my computer as my son still hogs the thing most days.. but don't fear i am working on getting him his own rig. managed to get my friends old Intel i7 4770k CPU, board,ram and case since he upgraded.. so getting there.. i mean i could hop on after he is done with the rig.. but meh at that time of night my mind is in no shape at all to be typing here..
Ever since we got the anonymous site to tell my work (referred further as the company) how my month has been and any extra thoughts. I have been super hesitant in typing or actually doing the survey.. then a couple of months ago my company held an anti harassment course, it was required for everyone to attend. It was a very good course and informative and in it HR demonstrated how it is totally anonymous. it gave me the courage to approach HR in regards to a work colleague stating that one day he will cut my hair (its shoulder length). and HR said they will include that as a no no for the next session when they have to do the course.
I made a note to mention the Anti LBGTIQ comments on the next survey, without disclosing myself. so I did, in it I mentioned my fear (terrified actually) of coming out and the anti LBGTIQ sentiment. It didn't take long and I was anonymously contacted by HR, actually three conversations started very soon afterwards (one with HR, one with my GM and one with my direct manager). it was difficult to maintain a hidden identity, somehow i managed. in this conversation i was asked has it happened again since the training, i said no it hasn't. the conversation continued back and forwards and somewhere they mentioned an LBGTIQ event being organised in the future and wondered if i wanted to be a part of this. i was extremely hesitant at first, and told them that i will ask my physc if i should.
At my next appointment i spoke to my doc about the whole discussion, and she was like.. yes you should. She has been encouraging me to come out to work, and suggested we practice next time for the moment. also arranged for my son to talk to her as well as the changes are taking a hold, and since I don't use my old profiles if at all.
The next survey rolled around, and in it i mentioned that yes I spoke to my doc and yes I would like to take part in the LBGTIQ event (even have input). I got an immediate response of great/awesome. My heart was actually pounding, asking my self how much to reveal, heart thumping in my chest.... then i did something so outside of my zone, i asked my GM if he has 10min.. he said yes, (offered his office or downstairs, i opted for downstairs) he came downstairs and we went to a private area and we started talking.. During the conversation, I mentioned that the taking part as well as the fear of coming out was me. he was like glad i told him, that i was part of LBGTIQ.. I never mentioned that i was trans to him. he told me we are here to support you, it was a very good conversation, and that if it happens again (the anti LBGTIQ) to come see him..I said I would. He was very understanding and supportive, I felt good.. like phew..
this last week, anyway HR asked if i wanted to go upstairs to her office to have a chat about the upcoming event. i was like sure, BTW (heart beating like crazy and minor hand shaking) told HR my name and that I can be there anytime. around lunch time I got a phone call and asked to go upstairs to her office.. my heart kicked into super high gear.. and got up chill as can be and went upstairs.. we closed the office door.
i cant remember clearly the entire conversation, as it was a great one and long one too, so please bear with me. its a tad fuzy at the moment, so many parts floating thru my mind...really wish i wrote something that day...mud :(
So we spoke about lots of things, i cant remember it all..i remember she was thankful that i told her it was me. i found out that my first survey, regarding my fear and not coming up went up the chain and they were very concerned for me. I was stunned to say the least, she spoke about meeting someone who came out to her as gay and thought maybe it was them.. but after speaking to the person she realized it wasn't that person. she told me one shouldn't feel fear of coming out and that many others who work in our industry are gay. and one shouldn't feel the need to hide or have any fear. and she mentioned a few who were and only came out gay recently. i told her i wasn't surprised as I figured out they were gay soon after i met them (years ago) and that never ever bothered me in the least.
she then spoke about the event they are planing, and that the LBGTIQ ambassador (thats what she refers him to.) is heavily involved. and that the company sponsors needed things each year. so the lgbtiq event, that they plan to get a Drag Queen in to have a discussion with the company and the next morning tea. to discuss their struggles thru life etc. she told me we also having a mental health videos, and i told her yes i put my name up to take part in that.
she then covered that one shouldn't be hide ones sexuality, and covered a few more things, that i shouldn't be hiding, she was very sincere and concerned for me. i started shaking, my heart thundered in my chest and my hands started shaking. i was on the verge of breaking down. so i look at her, and back at my hands and then back up and said "for the last 12 months i have been on HRT" and for that moment my entire world came to a complete halt, it seemed that time simlpy stopped. and i told her i was transgender, she didn't even bat an eye. and she was grateful and thankful that i came out to her and asked "How can we help you?".
I told her that I want to work with the company about my transition, and plan it out so that we work together. like changes wont happen instantly, one I simply don't have the money and two that's impractical. and that most of my surgeries will be during my yearly holidays. i mentioned that i plan to go over to Taiwan for FFS.. we spoke about the changes i have been thru so far (some she didn't even know about :) ), i mentioned that i had to start wearing a tight fighting sports bra six months ago, the changes would of been obvious back then and that i am doing voice lessons. she then showed me the policy they were working on for transgender people, (its a good one, which will remain between me and the company i work for). I told her she is welcome to tell my CEO, i have known her for a long time and i respect her. but don't have fear of her, just utmost respect for her and the position. and would like to keep this for the time being. and that at anytime she wants to chat or has any questions feel free to talk to me at anytime. she also asked what name i have chosen, so told her about my dream and showed her my name. and wondered why she was asking and she was like "oh thinking about payroll, email account changes etc", my mind was officially blown away.
I also told her i expect to loose my family i grew up with and the possible responses from my family. and we spoke about getting my shrink to talk to her and the ceo or one from the company. she also gave me cards for our docs we use for counseling.
I was so relieved for telling her, and the overwhelming positive response. It totally blew me away. anyway i sent her an email the following day clarifying that the only surgery that will really take a few months to fully recover would be the final GRS one. and that most of them i will be up and running with no issues before my holiday is over. and that the changes would take time and be small as time goes on.
On my way home i got a call from HR, she told me she had a discussion with the CEO (since the CEO is in Japan at the moment, she was super concerned for the person (me) who was hiding and terrified of coming out).and they are 100% behind me. and that she will setup a meeting between me, HR and the CEO in a couple of weeks. she told me "We are with you through this journey. I want to be kept updated through the whole process ok!" which i responded absolutely. i offered to send a link to my personal blog, and she said please so I sent her a link to my personal blog (this site). she also told me she spoke to her HR boss (didn't mention my name, i work for an international company) and they are 100% behind me as well. she is glad that I have come out to her and not in hiding to the company anymore. and that it has been a long time for me and it has been one hell of journey for me already. Onwards and upwards!". I also told her there is no super rush, we will work on this together and make a great plan together. but i appreciate it all the same.
So all in all a great outcome, and onwards and upwards. i am thankful that the company i work for cares about its staff. and that the people are amazing. i especially want to thank my HR (thank you very much.. one second got to wipe my tears away) and also a huge thanks to my CEO and lastly my GM who knows i a part of the LBGTIQ and so supportive and my direct manager. well off to go and do some gardening.
Hi Veronica,
I have been on HRT since the beginning of the year and not out at work. My breasts and long hair are starting to show. In the end I guess I have to say something (come out).
I found this piece very valuable with regards to approaching the workplace management.
I bet it feels like a great weight has been lifted from you right now. I would also like to say good on you! and the very best with your transition.
Kindest regards, Kirsten.[emoji126]
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
Veronica I am so proud of you for several reasons.
Although this wasn't precisely planned you didn't back down and went ahead with a very difficult conversation. Now your company's leadership is clearly supporting you and your decision and doing the right thing, but I can see where you were legitimately worried that wouldn't be the case. Transition to any degree has so much involved, the last thing any of us needs is to have a fear of losing employment while planning and building our future.
Gender dysphoria is a medical condition, a mismatch between gender identity and physical characteristics and can be caused by timing differences when our bodies first develop and then our brains develop. I'll repeat that - it's a medical condition. If you were diagnosed with any other condition you have decided to take care of, it would be ridiculous for a company to fire someone for disclosing that or look the other way if a colleague threatened to attack your medical condition with a knife.
You just made your workplace better for you, and better for others at your company in the future. In the long run, businesses that truly understand and embrace diversity will gain and retain the best talent. It's a mathematical fact: a more diverse talent pool is smarter and more capable than a narrow one. By helping improve your company and proving you are just as (or more) capable than others, you are making the world a better place.
You won.
Kendra
Veronica, congratulations on coming out to your company! That was clearly a difficult conversation for you to have, but you got through it and made it happen. I am very proud of you.
And I am happy for you that you have the support and backing of your company's HR and management. I am glad that they have supportive policies in place.
You must feel a lot lighter now. By pioneering the company's policies, you are helping to make it easier for anyone coming behind you.
Veronica, you have made a terrifying step to becoming accepted at work. You are certainly fortunate that your employer is progressive and caring.
I've been retired for eight years. I was a superintendent for a commercial construction company for many years prior and am certain it would not have gone well at all for me to have come out to my crew that worked for me. Rough and tumble construction workers can be very hard on anyone that is not of the norm. I had not come to grips with it all until last year when I started to transition. So it is a moot point all in all. Not sure how it would play out now.
You portrayed braveness in the face of uncertainty and you should feel very proud of what you have done.
Hugs and smiles from a California girl
Hi,
thanks soo much for the replies :)
I had worked it through in my head (practised at home for the envitable) and read lots on here.. this site has been my life line.
the stress is certainly completely gone to a large degree.. thats for sure, first couple peacefull nights rest, soo much more relaxed.
Kirsteneklund7 : the breast growth has been astounding, despite only being on hrt for one year.. like i had to start wearing a sports bra 6 months ago.. otherwise it would be easier to see. if i wore a push up bra now i would def show cleavage..i have an 1inch and half or so growht the last time i measure a month ago. (difference in the measurements). like ok, wow..
and my work friend, who i wanted to tell ages ago.. i told the same day and she was like figured that out.. saw changes for the last year.. good for you, and i am with you on this long road ahead..
I told my best male friend Frankie today that I am transgender and I have always been transgender. I was hesitant but once I started I could not stop. I cried like a baby as I wrote it. Everyone else has been so accepting, I have to admit I'm kind of scared. But, it's just one more step to freedom. Frankie has been my friend and coworker for forty years. He was there to help me through my heart attacks and stroke. It's not the same as you as I no longer work and is one of the reasons I did not come out sooner was because I was, working. Back then nobody would have accepted it. I hope everything comes out the way you want. Aside from the birth of my kids. Coming out was the best days of my life.
Quote from: DawnOday on September 07, 2018, 11:10:35 PM
I told my best male friend Frankie today that I am transgender and I have always been transgender. I was hesitant but once I started I could not stop. I cried like a baby as I wrote it. Everyone else has been so accepting, I have to admit I'm kind of scared. But, it's just one more step to freedom. Frankie has been my friend and coworker for forty years. He was there to help me through my heart attacks and stroke. It's not the same as you as I no longer work and is one of the reasons I did not come out sooner was because I was, working. Back then nobody would have accepted it. I hope everything comes out the way you want. Aside from the birth of my kids. Coming out was the best days of my life.
thats the hardest part, we are our own worse critic.. and i have always imagined the worst and planed for that.. liberating..
V
thank you Veronica for sharing your story :) That was an interesting read, and so glad that your employer is all the way with you and supportive. It must have been scary and stressful and filled with anxiety, but now it seems you are on a good road with lots of support! I'm nowhere near that point but already getting anxious about those kinds of situations, even working in an environment that has protections in place and that is, in writing at least, completely accepting of transgendered employees. I hope the good news continues for you!
best,
Anita
well this coming week, having a face to face with my CEO and HR.. gulp.
soo that should nbe an interesting experiance in and of itself.
Quote from: Veronica A on September 07, 2018, 10:37:34 PM
Hi,
thanks soo much for the replies :)
I had worked it through in my head (practised at home for the envitable) and read lots on here.. this site has been my life line.
the stress is certainly completely gone to a large degree.. thats for sure, first couple peacefull nights rest, soo much more relaxed.
Kirsteneklund7 : the breast growth has been astounding, despite only being on hrt for one year.. like i had to start wearing a sports bra 6 months ago.. otherwise it would be easier to see. if i wore a push up bra now i would def show cleavage..i have an 1inch and half or so growht the last time i measure a month ago. (difference in the measurements). like ok, wow..
and my work friend, who i wanted to tell ages ago.. i told the same day and she was like figured that out.. saw changes for the last year.. good for you, and i am with you on this long road ahead..
Veronica
So glad it's all working out so well. This is an inspiration for us all.!
Please let us know how things unfold from here.
Amazing times! [emoji3377]
Kirsten x
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
hmm where to begin.. best hurry before my son steals my computer for the night...
what type of rig you ask, well its an AMD Ryzen 1600 (overclocked on stock air to 3.85Ghz), (8 core 16 thread - silicon lottery winner), gigabyte B350M motherboard , 8 gig DDR4 3200 ram (running at 2933mhz) 1070 gtx, 16TB storage (need to expand this), 256gig ssd system.. :)
anyway back to the meeting, right well.. still dont know where to begin.. well leading up to it i was extremely nervous to say the least.. went to bed early last night (8pm) , awake at 4am, up at 5am. could not go to sleep at all.... soo decided to head into work and do my LANDesk stuff which needs to be done before anyone gets in.. soo i was at work at 6:30am. one nerve wracking morning, my heart kept going fast and then slow.. best kept myself super busy.
Please forgive me, this highly emotional situation, for me at least, made most of the meeting a blur.. but the needed points should be covered. my memory has not been the best, since very little sleep each night for the last week, part it was nerves, rest was simply hayfever season.
the time rolled by and it was time to head upstairs to the meeting, my heart began to thunder in my chest running away from me. it was beating so fast and hard i could practically hear it thudding away in my chest, could most certainly feel it. walked into her office and sat down, and for some strange reason my heart simply stopped racing everything simply settled in place and the world seemed to slow down.
they must of seen my nerves, started chatting about normal things.. and this settled my nerves, cant recall exactly what it was, oh yes my birthday. i spoke how terrible it was and the shocking video and letter i received on my birthday and i just couldn't understand why they would do what they did. but it sure calmed my nerves. we spoke about many things during this meeting, will list them in no particular order.
one thing that was raised was bringing in a doctor to speak and help my ceo,coo and HR understand and to provide information. since they really dont know much if anything about it. i cautioned them to be careful, as i have been destroyed by one in the past. and i will chat to my doc (to see if she will come in, for a fee of course) as well as there is a place in northside. we really need someone versed in transgender (a term i loath) issues. there is a government website https://lgbtihealth.org.au/ with resource to help them. one i am going to look over myself, i think i did read the site once a couple of years ago. Iit was gratifying to see they are trying soo much to help me.
we spoke more about my parents, and was given some good advice there. we also spoke about my kids and how are they taking it all. i told them that at the moment only my oldest son knows. and so we spoke about how that came about. we spoke about there really was no reason to fear, as most people will simply not care.. give it two seconds of thought and carry on with their lives. and that everyone has issues or something going on in their lives that they tell no one about. and not to worry about clients and if anyone discriminates or gives you a hard time at work go and see her and that will never be tolerated at the work place. and the only time clients will care is if the network and computer solution goes down.. they will care about that. also covered the fact they met and encountered transgendered people and never really thought anything of it.
we spoke about the really good policy my company has to support the transgender, which covers financial assistance for transgender, and how i wish to be paid this assistance. and that i am the first one to openly come out for the company world wide. I am blazing the trail and setting the standard for others to follow, kind of scary in a way. that i had a long ranging timeline, which i will have to tighten up a bit and lock down sort of and that i would meet up with HR to discuss my plans and that if i need to move my timeline to help assist them. and that next year i am going to get FFS/VFS (may get both) after August and looking at surgeons around the world.
they asked wha the costs are, so i said well BA can be as much as 12k here in Australia (depending on the surgens recommendation), 8k for VFS, GRS from 12~18k and FFS can go for around 28,000USD not that i would need that many procedures myself. and i was told in no uncertain terms are you going to taiwan. and i was like there are only soo many world class surgeons in the world i would let close to my face.. but yeah at the moment i am considering a surgeon in the USA. i am not biased, just the results i have seen from this doc amazed me.. and FFS is a big deal. i said that the timeline will prob be around 2 years, and it wont be next week. i have things like voice training to do first.. and have to wait for HRT to take full effect. there is no way i would go out and get a BA tomorrow (tho i certainly thought about, idea has merrit in my fantasy lol) i am too much a realist and want to work with the company and stick to a long term plan and i want FFS first. we also spoke about my surgery fear, of waking under GA (i have every time for my last 2 major surgeries.. just something that happens with me). and that after FFS there will be swelling, but gen you wont feel it all that much. and once healing starts most wont notice the change as i will still be in male clothes (kind of doubt i would be far off then....)
We rolled over to shopping and i was like yeah the only male clothes i have are 3 pairs of jeans and like 7 work shirts. everything else is my true gender at home and the rest of the male gear has been thrown out. they were like why not wear what you need to feel right at work. i was like errr not at the moment (it was gratifing, but no i still look too much like a dude), but it will be small things like jeans etc.. things most wont notice. i spoke about the confidence i have now, and thank you soo much for the support and now i am simply not worried about going out as me in my private life and dont care if someone who knows me sees me. and have been going out as me without thinking twice about it. and that i dont have any issue what so ever walking into a ladies clothing store to go shopping for stuff i want.
i also told them i plan tell my parents in a letter and have it ready for when they come home or just after. and get it done with. my parents are like due back 24oct, tho i suspect they be home sooner. and like have an intervention with a priest etc. whoopie.
sooo any advice on information and timelines used would be awesome.
links please
also the toilets were never ever brought up, tho i will next week and like its all good.. i will keep doing what i have been for over 8 years and keep using the disabled toilets.
forgot to mention that i have the full support of the CEO and HR. and that in time with the help of a doc versed in gender for the board to be informed...which i fully understand.
Veronica you did so well! You're tackling one of the most important things many of us face - setting up a better future without risking your current career.
Once I made my decision I spent time here researching surgeries and surgeons, contacted a short-list of surgeons and visited a few for evaluations, and then scheduled every surgery as quickly as medically possible. Details (links) are in my forum signature along the bottom of each post. I believe that was a great plan for me but not necessarily the best answer for others - everyone's situation and background is unique. One factor is I had already spent quite a bit of time on permanent hair removal before starting HRT or any other medical changes.
I regret not starting speech therapy sooner. Although various surgeries require recovery time, each surgery accomplishes something in a few hours. My total anesthesia time for four surgeries was 26 hours start to finish. Hair removal and voice training is measured in hundreds of hours involving months and years of repeat efforts to hit the goal.
If you manage your future well, in addition to your own benefits you are demonstrating good planning and organizational skills and helping blaze a path for others. It's great your company's CEO is aware of this.
Successful companies anticipate the future and bypass those that don't. Families and parents are a different matter... parents have memories of the past and it can be difficult to get them to shift gears. But there is a time when you move forward with the best decision for you. It's your future.
Kendra
so true
question,
So the next step is to inform my General Manager and direct manager, this will be happening first week of november (both support me being part of the LGBTQ community, they just dont know which part). Once my gm and manager know we will get a person from the https://lgbtihealth.org.au/ in to talk to me and the rest of the board of directors and to give them guidance and understanding of what i am going thru. at this stage i have no plans to be present when the board is told, as i dont want to be placed in the direct spotlight and flounder at the million questions that will come. and i thought someone who is better equipped and educating and answering all the questions is best for this.
Once all is said and done, i will then send my letter to my parents and then bare the oncoming storm from them. oh and no idea what to tell my direct work colleagues or even when to tell them? any ideas on this?