Valuable, intelligent and compassionate members can be lost because of bad feeling. I've left a couple of times myself when I felt the atmosphere turn unpleasant but in this incarnation, I decided to toughen up and even step up to the mark if I thought it necessary. I've decided to make some general observations.
- I think that a general rule should be that if we think that a particular member is beyond the pale for some reason, we should avoid the temptation to look for reasons to criticise that person. Even if we think that we have a good reason, we are almost certainly influenced by personal feelings. If someone has really done something bad, someone else will notice it and take action. If we take action ourselves in such circumstances, it could look as though we are hounding someone and that perception is no fun for anyone.
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- If we look for reasons to take umbrage, we can sometimes seize on something that we can take out of context and then hijack a worthy cause to use as a bludgeon against someone. It is very difficult to defend oneself against a worthy cause, as the defence looks like an attack on the worthy cause, so when that happens, we should be especially analytical about what is going on. We all regard ourselves as rational but history proves that many of us will join in if someone cries "witch". Beware of worthy causes.
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- Any criticism or accusation should be based on specific posts or other evidence. If such posts or evidence no longer exist, too bad. If someone has been severely criticised, we should not accept it as a fact, even if that someone does not defend his or her self. We should insist on a full explanation, with evidence. Many valuable members will not bother to defend themselves and will just stop posting.
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- There is never an excuse for rudeness but I am sometimes surprised at how people can become indignant. If peope use insults when they communicate with others, they can hardly claim moral high ground simply because they become the recipients of insults that they regard as even more hurtful.
No doubt other useful points could be made.
Let's all lighten up, toughen up and get along. It's more fun.
Hi MaryT,
I think such guidelines are good as a personal check on ourselves when we post. But I want to remind everyone that if you see such negative behavior you should report it to a moderator and explain the issue so it can be handled by the staff. Try not to take care of the issue yourself so you do not become ensnared and become part of the problem.
Hugs,
Laurie
Criticism should be the last thing on our minds. We all have questioned, been confused, seeking answers, been young, are growing old. Nobody is above the rest. Some may handle things differently and that is where our compassion, understanding and innate desire to be useful come in. Don't hate, relate.
I'm not religious, but the words "Treat people as you yourself would want to be treated" are very apt. It's a good guideline for life. :) It's something I try to live by.
These should be general rules for like just not this forum :)
This post offends me >:(
Just kidding, lol
Quote from: MaryT on September 17, 2018, 12:58:24 PM
Let's all lighten up, toughen up and get along. It's more fun.
Quote from: Laurie on September 17, 2018, 01:14:29 PM
I think such guidelines are good as a personal check on ourselves when we post. But I want to remind everyone that if you see such negative behavior you should report it to a moderator and explain the issue should it can be handled by the staff. Try not to take care of the issue yourself so you do not become ensnared and become part of the problem.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: DawnOday on September 17, 2018, 02:44:54 PM
Criticism should be the last thing on our minds.
- - - - . Don't hate, relate.
Quote from: Sephirah on September 17, 2018, 03:11:21 PM
I'm not religious, but the words "Treat people as you yourself would want to be treated" are very apt.
Quote from: imjustme on October 15, 2018, 03:44:40 PM
These should be general rules for like life just not this forum :)
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 15, 2018, 04:38:00 PM
This post offends me >:(
Just kidding, lol
@MaryT @Laurie @DawnOday @Sephirah @imjustme @Colleen_definitely Thank you all for sharing your positive thoughts regarding how we treat others and deal with others....
I boiled this down to the most salient points of this thread.... the condensed best!!
Thank you @MaryT for your sharing your thoughtful post and ensuing thread.
Hugs, and more hugs...
Danielle
Thank you all for your concern. I don't speak for anyone else but myself and my experiences; I can relate to yours because I have been able to share information with all of you. I will not put someone down for their experience because it's not mine. We are all different. But, we are family. I have never loved so many people in my life. I have been going to therapy for a pretty long while now and one of the things I wanted to do is be more accepting. So, most days I wake up and ask myself, what can I do to fit in. What can I do to make someones life better. One of those ways is to relate my experiences and hope the reader realizes that I am trying to say. Learn from my experience. My footprints of the last umpty ump years are not the ones to follow, unless you really hate yourself. I am so proud to be associated with such a loving, caring group. I was blessed the day I found Susan's. Please accept my hugs.
The correct order is... think...then speak. Not the other way around.
Quote from: HappyMoni on October 15, 2018, 07:41:16 PM
The correct order is... think...then speak. Not the other way around.
@HappyMoniDear Moni:It is nice to see that you posted here, your inputs are always valuable for all of us on the Forums.
Yes, "THINK BEFORE I SPEAK." .... or in other terms,
"Put my brain in gear before I put my mouth in motion."
My parents always told me ...
"God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak"Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
@Alaskan Danielle Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 15, 2018, 09:08:23 PM
@HappyMoni
Dear Moni:
It is nice to see that you posted here, your inputs are always valuable for all of us on the Forums.
Yes, "THINK BEFORE I SPEAK." .... or in other terms,
"Put my brain in gear before I put my mouth in motion."
My parents always told me ...
"God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak"
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
What nice thing you learned from your parents.....and so well too!
If I may, I have an additional thoughts to share with all on this thread:
Nothing is more frequently "opened by mistake" than the mouth.
Please God, fill my mouth
with worthwhile and uplifting stuff.
And nudge me when
I've said enough. "El pez por su boca muere." ( translation Spanish proverb) The fish dies because of it's mouth.
Definitely words of wisdom...
Hugs,
Danielle
cc: @Jessica @HappyMoni
From my personal list of inspirations.
"Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:
At the first gate, ask yourself "Is it true?"
At the second gate ask, "Is it necessary?"
At the third gate ask, "Is it kind?"
~ Rumi
a 13th-century Persian Sunni Muslim poet, jurist, Islamic scholar, theologian, and Sufi mystic.
If more people actually took the advice posted here, Juila1996 would still be posting on this site. All it took was for one person to type something about her intelligence, and I haven't seen her since.
We have members suffering from various problems. Depression is one of the worst problems. It may not always be obvious.
Julia is one of my favrite posters. Witty, concerned, great family dynamic, boy friend that lives her for who she is. A good cook, homemaker, and has to live with two strikes against her. I'm sorry if this strikes someone wrong. Being transgender to us is not wrong. To people outside the community it is. Luckily that shortsidedness is changing. Julia also has to deal with being albino. In spite of this Julia has put on a Brite face. A rather gorgeous one at that. We haven't heard from her since shortly after her GRS. I for one feel shortchanged because we are not learning of her transition. I hope she still reads our posts and decides that one lone voice does not reflect what so many of us appreciate about her. We love you Julia
Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 15, 2018, 09:08:23 PM
@HappyMoni
Dear Moni:
It is nice to see that you posted here, your inputs are always valuable for all of us on the Forums.
Yes, "THINK BEFORE I SPEAK." .... or in other terms,
"Put my brain in gear before I put my mouth in motion."
My parents always told me ...
"God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak"
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
This has always been my motto. I may slip up form time to time but my heart is in the right place. I learned this the hard way by seeing the negative fallout from people that would engage their mouth and not even engage their brain. I've known a few that didn't even know they where being offensive.