So much to share, where to start .... first off, tonight was AWESOME!! This was the first night Lori and I went out to listen to and dance to a live band (one that we know, one I used to play in) and where most of the people would know me. It went better than I ever expected.
Sure I got a few "How's it going bud" and "Nice to see you man" from old band members that knew me well. They'll figure it out some day, maybe. The words don't change the fact that they accepted me and treated me just fine.
My friend in the band asked me to give a critical listen because 'he trusted my ear and opinion'. While standing out centered against the wall listening, an acquaintance (wife to the guitar player and let's face it, a friend really as I found out) turned and asked me if I was going to dance (fast dance). I was like, Oh No, I can't do that. I really wanted to though. We chatted a bit and she went off to dance.
It took me a bit to get my dancing feet under me again (with heels). Lori and I slow danced several times. I did not fast dance :( I stared at the people dancing, I so wanted to get up and move. I could feel it in my bones. I couldn't get out of my chair. Lori, after speaking with a friend (the gal I spoke to earlier, surprisingly accepting), came back over and asked me what's wrong. Well, in true current tough fashion I looked at her and ... broke down. ARRGGH!! here I was, all dolled up, great music, wanting to dance, and all I did was cry my eyes out because I couldn't make myself get out of the chair.
We did slow dance again after that, also before we sat down a fast song started. So, in the aisle near our seat, she proceeded to lead me through some simple steps.
If that was all there was to the evening, it would have been great ... there's more .
Throughout the night I noticed people looking at me/us. Not just looking .. Staring!. I thought, "Oh great, we're the spectacle". The last song, tribute song for veterans, we all stood in a circle and swayed to the song. All through it one lady stared at me .. stared and smiled and stared and .. well, you get the picture. Nope, none of it got to me. I was having a good night, let them stare.
As we gathered out things to head home, one lady come over and asked if she could ask a question. Yep, here it is, it's coming ... and she asked ... "I dye my hair black but it's normally silver like yours. How do you think I would look if i let it go silver?). My jaw almost dropped. My hair?? Lori goes, "He's ... something something (I don't remember)" That lady pulled her head back a bit, eyes widened and she said, "Wait, what? Now I have more questions."
Which led to a frenzy of questions and explanations. It turns out that I was spotted as soon as I walked in for my 'wondrous' hair. Talked about, stared at, conversed over by a group of men and women .. because of my hair. They had a brief talk about man or not, consensus between the men and women? We were two women out together, dancing having a good time, and they thought it was great, so great that they kept looking at us (not me, us) and smiling. The men said, "Woman, just look at the shoes" (um, yeah ..) It was even more awesome when they found out that there was more to the story. Not a disparaging or prejudiced comment to be heard. Totally cool but unfamiliar.
Asked repeatedly if questions were OK, I kept telling them to ask, I'll do the best that I can. I did an impromptu educational Q/A about transgender, the whole package, mental, physical, operations, our marriage, how many years, how we're doing. I think they covered just about everything. I brought up sexual preference only to point out that it's a completely separate issue. Gruelling but fun. BTW, my voice stayed in a higher register and speech pattern through the whole thing without trying. Lori confirmed it afterwards :D
Well, if the evening ended there it would have been really great, there's more.
After she walked off, we stood up to leave and she came back. "Can I ask you another question? Privately?", she said. Sure, ok. We step to the side and she said "I was just on my way into the ladies room and it hit me, which one do you use". Well, that's easy to answer. I said, "I use the family room if one is available. If not I hold it or have Lori escort me in." She asked why I don't use the women's room. I told her that I don't feel comfortable, that I have to pee right now but I won't do it here. She grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the restroom. That's ridiculous, come with me, we're going to the ladies room. I tried to turn to Lori for help thinking she'd get upset with me going to a ladies room with some lady we just met!! (She did a little, but she trusts me and let it go).
She talked all the way in there, into the first stall, I went into the second. All the while she's talking, I'm responding. Finish up, come out wash out hands and back out. Still having a conversation. Up came the comment of, "Be glad you don't have a period" I was like, "Well, the first week of the month I bloat. Last month was bad." She goes, "What about (she rubbed her eyes pantomiming crying)?" "Yup" I admitted to breaking down earlier about wanting to dance. She said next time we meet up (likely to be next week) she's dragging me up to dance with them. Telling her Lori might get upset she just said, she's coming too. You're dancing.
There you go, an AWESOME NIGHT!!! I could hardly contain myself on the drive home .. bouncy .. bouncy .. bouncy .. bouncy
tldr:
- Great night out listening to music
- accepted as (believed to be) a (cis)woman .. I say believed to be cis because I am a woman!
- Lori and I seen as 2 women dancing together.
- I have hair that's the envy of many women
- I had my first full bathroom stall conversation in the ladies room
I don't think I left anything, but I am tired. I'll review tomorrow and revise if necessary.
Good night
Faith
ps
Last few weeks have just been getting better and better .... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@Faith Dear Faith:This is such an awesome and fabulous UPDATE that you just posted.... I can't begin to tell you how happy I am for you. All the events that you mentioned are "music" to my ears to hear that you are having such a good time and as you stated at the end of your update:
"Last few weeks have just been getting better and better .... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" For sure this is very true, all of your followers can remember your dark and uncertain moments just a few weeks ago. I am so very glad that you have come out of your shell so you can enjoy the "new you" along with
Lori @DiLoris and all of your friends here on the forums.
Oh, and yes, your hair is certainly lovely, beautiful in fact..... I recall mentioning that fact on a comment, or was it a PM several weeks ago.
... and I am glad that you let the apparently unintentional mis-gendering roll off your back. Those guys will get the "memo" soon and start addressing you correctly... the good news is that they accept you and treated you well. Not sure about the lady staring at you... but who cares? You shouldn't! I am glad that
"it didn't get to you."It was a joy to read your update.... thank you for posting it so your followers can rejoice with you.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Faith
Congratulations on such a fun & awesome night
I look forward to the day when I get to that point in my journey.
Kate
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
That was an awesome post to read. Gratz on having a great night out. Why do I seem to keep telling people to get up and dance recently... jeez, what is wrong with people... lol...
Great post!
Faith, I am so happy for you! You had a great night out, were seen for who you are, were admired and accepted into the community of women. And you had a good time.
You should go out to celebrate. Maybe dancing? ;)
This was a wonderful post im very happy things went so great for you .
Ive been feeling a little down lately it was nice to wake up and read such an inspirational post
Faith,
Heck, girl. That report has me dancing!
Stevi
@everyone (since my mentions don't work) .. I'm still 'dancing' this morning. Lori says that she has never seen me this way - that's a good thing. I am happy inside and outside, happy with me, my life, my wife, my .. well, you can figure the rest out.
Thank you all and I'm glad it made some sense. It was late (for me) when I typed it out. There is so many more little confirmations last night that I simply cannot type them all. It'd be an unreadable novelette.
ladies staring, a hole group, like lazers boring though you. To find out that they were staring because they were excited and happy to see two women out dancing and very happy/unconcerned. I was shocked. I really thought that they pegged me 'male' and were picking me apart. I guess the smile on their faces should have told me something.
there were 3 ladies to come up to us out of the group, all thinking the same thing and all wanting to ask about my hair. Just the one went crazy with the questions. I was OK with that. I guess I'm becoming a public advocate for acceptance. just by being out there and being me. They were easy, they accepted right off.
On the way home, my wife commented that slow dancing with another woman was a first for her. I told her that slow dancing as a woman was a first for me.
so much more that I want to type, my head is full of last night, but duty calls. I have house work to take care of while Lori is at work.
For those of you still waiting for nights like this: they are coming, they will find you, you will rejoice :D Trust me, I never thought that they would for me.
WHoohoo Faith! I knew you would get your bounce back. I also knew you would get out of that chair too. Once you get you feet and hips moving, they won't be able to keep you in that chair. Yes, they do have a lot questions don't they. I welcome the question too. What a heart warming night you and Lori had. It brings happy tears to my eyes and warm feelings in my heart. Wow,,, the fun is really flowing now.
I'm surprised the band didn't try to get you back up on the stage again. I bet that would have been fun too. Sure, show them you still got it.
Warm hugs Lori and Faith!
Donica.
Quote from: Faith on September 30, 2018, 08:44:22 AMI guess I'm becoming a public advocate for acceptance. just by being out there and being me.
I love this!!! :D
Quote from: KathyLauren on September 30, 2018, 09:54:06 AM
QuoteI guess I'm becoming a public advocate for acceptance. just by being out there and being me.
I love this!!! :D
me too :D I find that, rather than be disheartened at 'being outed' whether accidentally or by failure in looks or voice, I actually enjoy educating people on the ins/outs of becoming me.
OHH, addendum ...
While Lori was up dancing and the song ended (she stopped to talk to the friend) an older gentleman come over to me, sitting in the back as I was it wasn't accidental convenient in-passing approach. Definitely out of the way.
He started with the, "They left you here all by yourself, why aren't you dancing". I said I don't dance. a bit of small talk ensued, I didn't flirt or lead him on. A couple minutes and he wandered off still smiling. I don't think he had a clue :D
Quote from: Faith on September 30, 2018, 10:12:14 AM
I love this!!! :D
me too :D I find that, rather than be disheartened at 'being outed' whether accidentally or by failure in looks or voice, I actually enjoy educating people on the ins/outs of becoming me.
OHH, addendum ...
While Lori was up dancing and the song ended (she stopped to talk to the friend) an older gentleman come over to me, sitting in the back as I was it wasn't accidental convenient in-passing approach. Definitely out of the way.
He started with the, "They left you here all by yourself, why aren't you dancing". I said I don't dance. a bit of small talk ensued, I didn't flirt or lead him on. A couple minutes and he wandered off still smiling. I don't think he had a clue :D
@Faith Dear Faith:Exactly the right attitude about being outed and/or male-fail ........ never let it get to you, as you stated, use it as an opportunity to educate... but do not let it evolve into nasty looks, unkind words, insults or anything like that. If it does, it is best to just walk away saying nothing.
Aweee...... you are now being hit-on by guys that do not know you....
...hmmm, I wonder what
Lori @DiLoris thinks about that development ??? ;)
Again, as I emphatically stated in your other thread, you have become a bright shining beacon of hope and postivity in your transition journey... it is very nice to see this in you. All of your followers and I are rejoicing with you.
Hugs and hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
What a wonderful story, kinda choked me up a bit. Congratulations, and wishing you many many more. This kind of response from people to people who are different from them is all kinds of goodness. Not like the transphobes you hear about. :D
Quotea bright shining beacon of hope and positivity
Thanks Danielle, I don't know about that though. I am just doing what I need to do to be me. I am one of the lucky ones walking the path relatively unscathed.
things are really coming around, I am enjoying life so much more. More than that even I am enjoying
ME a lot more.
G'night all
Faith
It's the most amazing feeling in the world when you can interact and educate. It stunned me the first time, but I don't ever think, I have been as high, even on drugs. So glad you had the experience and hope it happens again and again. Hugs
Hi Faith, it is so so neat to hear the joy from you in this thread! Both the dancing and the advocating are great; out being the two of you and enjoying it...awesome! Keep it going girl.
BTW: I have recently joined a Zumba class at our town recreation center to try to get my parts moving the way they want to...very awkward but hopefully worth the effort.
Tia Anne
Quote from: Anne Blake on October 01, 2018, 01:40:30 PM
Hi Faith, it is so so neat to hear the joy from you in this thread! Both the dancing and the advocating are great; out being the two of you and enjoying it...awesome! Keep it going girl.
BTW: I have recently joined a Zumba class at our town recreation center to try to get my parts moving the way they want to...very awkward but hopefully worth the effort.
Tia Anne
Zumba class? uh-Ohh ... that sounds like a challenge. I'd better start preparing for January'ish