So. In short. I re-came out to my parents and it went fairly well
In long. I wrote out an entire essay (kinda) saying how horrible I've been feeling and how true it felt like they weren't helping or trying. It lead to a lot of crying and hugging. But they said the loved me no matter what. They didn't quite understand how something as simple as them saying my chosen name will help my mental state so much but I know it will. Then some other mental health things came up. It was a long 2 hour conversation that i would be boiling my brain to re-cap it all.
for some reason I still feel kinda lost. Im more relaxed and hopeful but I still feel like theres a weight on my back. I dont know why. Shouldn't that be gone?
So i have very mixed emotions right now but I know i almost cried in happiness because my dad said "goodnight 'chosen name'" Unlike last time where he said "goodnight babygirl."
I hope things continue to look up but I still have fear
First and foremost, congrats on coming out to your parents! Its a great feeling to let go of some of those negative emotions!
However, unfortunately, gender dysphoria usually doesn't disappear completely. It often lurks in the back of your mind, cropping up when you least expect it. The key is to not let it take over your mind. Try not to let it win.
If your parents slip up and deadname/misgender you, simply correct them. Try not to get angry or upset at them, after all, they knew you as "blank" for your entire life. It'll take them a while to readjust their thinking. After all, they're only human.
How I explained deadnaming and misgendering to people that don't understand is like this:
One drop of water on your forehead isn't much, but when one million of them are dropped on you, one at a time, after a while it drives you crazy and you'll do anything to stop the water. That's how deadnaming and misgendering feel to many of us. One instance of either/both can ruin your entire day.
If your parents will let you, I'd advise you to find a gender therapist. If you decide to transition, you will need one anyways. Hopefully the therapist will let your family come in and ask any questions they may have, and it gives you a chance to ask them as well. And venting about how you, as transgender feels is always helpful. Letting out any anger, frustration, fears and more to someone trained to help you cope is a great way to learn to live with being transgender.
And its great that your Dad said "good night chosen name!" ;D It sounds like you have a very understanding family, something so many of us long for.
Ryuichi