So the holidays are looming. I began medically transitioning 3 months ago and needless to say that my family are less than enthusiastic. For Thanksgiving and Christmas we usally all get together @ my parents for food ...etc. Well after speaking with my parents last night I became aware that if I am to be @ the gathering then my two older brthers, their wives and 6 children will not be there. They are worried that I will confuse their children. Part of me says I understand, which is literally what I said, and instead i will just visit my parents later in the evening. The other part of me is depressed, surprised, a little pissed, and somewhat humored by the hypocrisy of it.
If they really said they're worried about you "confusing the children" then that's why you should tell their parents this is why it's important they educate their children and teach them that trans people exist and this is who they are, and also these people are worthy of the same respect they would any other person. They sooner they are taught the better so with that said i wouldn't worry too much about "confusing the children."
Quote from: Annaiyah on November 05, 2018, 08:19:38 PM
If they really said they're worried about you "confusing the children" then that's why you should tell their parents this is why it's important they educate their children and teach them that trans people exist and this is who they are, and also these people are worthy of the same respect they would any other person. They sooner they are taught the better so with that said i wouldn't worry too much about "confusing the children."
Neither of my brothers will answer the phone. If I send them emails they might respond with one sentence. Unfortunately it takes two to communicate and they have no desire to have a relationship atm.
Parents and adults do worry about children, but actually children are flexible and open-minded. Adults always cause problems from various fears originated from ignorance or unknown. But, it is difficult to argue with those adults. Time, patience and trial and errors will enlighten them.
(https://c2.staticflickr.com/2/1780/30198272218_0d4c255ce6_z.jpg)
barbie~~
Quote from: gracefulhat on November 05, 2018, 06:16:58 PM
They are worried that I will confuse their children.
I'm so sorry they are reacting this way. But I was thinking that there is a LOT to unpack in that sentence. Too bad they won't even communicate with you so you can drill down a little deeper into what they ACTUALLY mean by that. I find their statement pretty confusing myself. If they are going to shun you they could at least give you the courtesy of an honest and open conversation about it. They owe you that much.
It sounds to me like a euphemism for transphobia.
Quote from: barbie on November 05, 2018, 09:45:27 PM
Parents and adults do worry about children, but actually children are flexible and open-minded. Adults always cause problems from various fears originated from ignorance or unknown. But, it is difficult to argue with those adults. Time, patience and trial and errors will enlighten them.
(https://c2.staticflickr.com/2/1780/30198272218_0d4c255ce6_z.jpg)
barbie~~
It has also been my experience that children are very accepting if it's explained to them in a loving manor. Like you said, time and patience may help... 감사합니다
Quote from: Janes Groove on November 05, 2018, 11:16:57 PM
I'm so sorry they are reacting this way. But I was thinking that there is a LOT to unpack in that sentence. Too bad they won't even communicate with you so you can drill down a little deeper into what they ACTUALLY mean by that. I find their statement pretty confusing myself. If they are going to shun you they could at least give you the courtesy of an honest and open conversation about it. They owe you that much.
It sounds to me like a euphemism for transphobia.
I found early on that it's not what I do or say that offends them, it's my being. Just by existing they feel that I am pushing myself onto them.
Well hon, as a teacher I can say with certainty that rarely does the issue reside with children. Children could not care less if you present as male, female or giraffe. The messages they receive from adults on the other hand...
Since coming out to friends and family, the only negative responses I have received are from immediate family. I recognise they hide fear and confusion behind a facade of misinformation, misery and and at times ignorance.
I am beginning to accept that I have no control over their responses. Just wishing it were different and worrying about outcomes won't change one little thing.
Find the path which is right for you and invite others to accompany you on your journey. You may need to give them a great many entry points. But remember ultimately this is about you and some people may not be kind. Your pain is real, you are living it and you are likely confused. They are also living it but without your understanding, so they mask fear with denial and excuse.
I genuinely hope they become more tolerant for you.
Sienna
Xx
Spend Christmas with another transwoman.
If you still want to spend Thanksgiving with whoever else may be there, I say you should just go. If your brothers and their families don't want to come, that's their own problem.
Quote from: Lucca on November 08, 2018, 11:02:48 AM
If you still want to spend Thanksgiving with whoever else may be there, I say you should just go. If your brothers and their families don't want to come, that's their own problem.
I think this advice is badly misguided. Unless you're sure that your parents will side with you forcing the issue will most likely end up driving them away. Think about it from the grandparents point of view: "Either we get one of our children, or two of the others and the grandchildren too". Even if they think what your siblings are doing is wrong, they will probably resent you for forcing their hand (even though they should blame the transphobic siblings for making this an issue to begin with).
I'm sure you already considered this, but I'm wondering why not just going and presenting as your birth gender; three months on hormones is honestly too short of a time that you wouldn't be able to just wear baggy clothes and pretend nothing had changed. It's not an ideal option, but at least you'd get to see your nieces and nephews.
Maybe you could agree to wait an hour and show up late? That way it's like you're 'sharing' the time available for the get together. Then if they don't want to see you they can leave early and there'd be no problem. At my extended family's Thanksgiving celebration people are always showing up late and leaving early anyways, so the kids wouldn't even have to know anything was different, I guess.
I'm really sorry to hear your family is being so closed-minded and petty.
If the parents and remaining guests blame her for "making" the other guests decide not to come or somesuch, that's their own problem, too. If anyone did that to me, I wouldn't bother with trying to have them in my life, either.
Sorry, but I just don't see the point in placating people like this. Personally, if any of my family members decides that they don't want me at family gatherings post-transition, I'll be saddened, but I'll live with it and I'll be fine never talking to any of them again in my life. I'm not going to make concessions or beg for their acceptance.
You have a right to be there. You are a part of the family. But perhaps an all at once transition is not the only approach you could take. Maybe you could show up with some sort of subtle androgynous accent. A pair of women's jeans. Or maybe your hair held back with an claw clip(I've seen hipster cis guys do this). Maybe even just a transgender flag button. Something to state that you are meeting them halfway. Then next Christmas maybe nail polish. That way you are conceding to their unreasonable demands but at the same time you are sending a message that this won't always be the way things are. Sort of an unspoken message that they can stew over until next Christmas.
Thank you everyone for your responses, I've been at work and am just now able to reply. Since my last post I had an in depth conversation with my mom. Definately showing up unannounced would be like declaring war and my parents would not support me if I did that. I don't want to be around people who just tolerate me anyways.
I really am going to miss my nephews and neices, especially my neice named after me. It truly breaks my heart. Maybe in time things will change, but at this time there is no meeting halfway, it's just their way.
It's so relieving to be able to post on Susans and have others who understand and are in similar circumstances. I really appreciate you all. Transitioning has such bright and dark moments.
Quote from: Laurie on November 09, 2018, 01:03:35 AM
Grace I predict this is going to be hard for you. It was really hard for me. I went deep into a depression for several months and went as far as to plan my demise. I was only waiting for the right time in spring to carry it out. A few of my good friends knew where my head was at and urged me to tell my therapist and get anti depressant meds for it. I listened to them. The pills took 2 1/2 months to work but they did work. I would suggest the same process for you at the first sign of depression as it could well save your life. Please take my suggestion seriously. I have been there in the depths of despair and not wanting to live yet her I am and today I a pretty darn happy.
I am here if you do need someone to talk with.
Hugs,
Laurie
I have spoken with my psychologist about this already because I am already depressed about it. I don't have any self harm thoughts at this time, but I will certainly call her if I do. Thank you Laurie.
Quote from: gracefulhat on November 08, 2018, 11:42:20 PM
Thank you everyone for your responses, I've been at work and am just now able to reply. Since my last post I had an in depth conversation with my mom. Definately showing up unannounced would be like declaring war and my parents would not support me if I did that. I don't want to be around people who just tolerate me anyways.
I really am going to miss my nephews and neices, especially my neice named after me. It truly breaks my heart. Maybe in time things will change, but at this time there is no meeting halfway, it's just their way.
It's so relieving to be able to post on Susans and have others who understand and are in similar circumstances. I really appreciate you all. Transitioning has such bright and dark moments.
I've been where you are. The first year was tough when remembering birthdays and holidays, but it got better in the second year. I am in the third year of not having a family. Now when I think of them it only lasts a second or two.
My emotions changed from sadness in the first year, to anger in the second, and finally nothing. The nothing may just be me. I have grown emotionally numb as I've gotten older. So much hate and discrimination as left a lasting impact on me.
I'm not sure if this helps, but people do not get to pick their family. We get to pick our friends and significant others. Life is meant to be lived happily and there is no reason to have a people holding you back from being as happy as you can be.
@ Ginger, that is a little scary to me that I might end up numb towards them, but it must be our minds way of protecting itself. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Quote from: Laurie on November 08, 2018, 01:07:46 PM
Hi Graceful,
I am sorry that your whole family is not accepting. I understand this depressed feeling very well. The holidays only make the situation worse for us. I used to spend christmas with my daughter, her husband and my 5 grand children. This holiday season will be the second one that I will not be with them. My coming out to them marked the last day I saw them. It hurts when family rejects you. I know. Only my sister that lives with me accepts me of the 4 I have left. The others want nothing to do with me and are openly hostile to me. It hurts.
I have never liked the holidays mainly due to a child's disappointment from receiving gift other boys would like and having to watch my 5 sisters open the presents I wished I could have. Petty I know but this disappointment repeated itself over and over for holidays and birthdays on into adulthood. Perhaps I should have been grateful for my gifts but damn it they never were what I wanted... never. But then how could they be? No one knew what I wished for and I could not tell anyone. What I wanted was wrong. Boys didn't like such thing let alone want them. I knew this and hated myself for it.
So yeah holidays depress me. I often wished I could go away and be by myself from mid November to January. Alone. Apart from. Isolated. Why? So I do not have to play the "happy game" I hate the holidays. I'm not thankful, or grateful, or joyous, or even happy to be alive during the holidays.
The holidays depress me and I am fit company for no one. let me disappear, or hide, or just cease to be. Did I say I hate holidays?
I'm sorry for your family situation Graceful, but as you can see I do not have a solution for you.
I hope you find some solution that works for you.
Laurie
I feel bad for you. I was born in the 90's and never had any fear about such things. I told my parents I was into dolls and stuffed animals too. Even most of the boys at my school were into ky dolls. I remember my first quad cycle was teal, pink, and white and covered with stickers and glitter. I was into Hello Kitty at an early age too. But I also loved building things, science, stuff with wheels, and building stuff with legos and trains. So my mom's religious mindset would not believe I was trans. Because society assumes that scientific minds are all male.
Quote from: Angelic on November 10, 2018, 10:21:46 AM
I feel bad for you. I was born in the 90's and never had any fear about such things. I told my parents I was into dolls and stuffed animals too. Even most of the boys at my school were into ky dolls. I remember my first quad cycle was teal, pink, and white and covered with stickers and glitter. I was into Hello Kitty at an early age too. But I also loved building things, science, stuff with wheels, and building stuff with legos and trains. So my mom's religious mindset would not believe I was trans. Because society assumes that scientific minds are all male.
I am also a scientist.
Remember Hedy Lamarr when using WiFi.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedy_Lamarr
barbie~~
Quote from: barbie on November 10, 2018, 07:55:33 PM
I am also a scientist.
Remember Hedy Lamarr when using WiFi.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedy_Lamarr
barbie~~
Yeah I think societies attitude just keeps transwomen down. Because the assume all scientists are male. Even though I think there was something transsexual about me as a child. And I feel like its somehow connected to my science. For instance Nikola Tesla. I don't know if he was a transsexual. But he was definitely psychologically abnormal compared to other men. And wasn't masculine enough to have confidence around women, and he thought he was unworthy of being dated. With me as a kid (about 4 or 6) I didn't have a fixed obsession with becoming a girl. But I always hated my own body and wanted to be an animal or a robot. And when I imagined my own body I was always pale white. And had no genitals, just flat and sleek and curved. And I wanted to die but also wanted to live.
Quote from: Angelic on November 11, 2018, 11:18:50 AM
Yeah I think societies attitude just keeps transwomen down. Because the assume all scientists are male. Even though I think there was something transsexual about me as a child. And I feel like its somehow connected to my science. For instance Nikola Tesla. I don't know if he was a transsexual. But he was definitely psychologically abnormal compared to other men. And wasn't masculine enough to have confidence around women, and he thought he was unworthy of being dated. With me as a kid (about 4 or 6) I didn't have a fixed obsession with becoming a girl. But I always hated my own body and wanted to be an animal or a robot. And when I imagined my own body I was always pale white. And had no genitals, just flat and sleek and curved. And I wanted to die but also wanted to live.
Yes. At age 4-6, I also dreamed of becoming a lady, but I did know that I can not. But nowadays, I wear like what I imagined to wear 50 years ago.
Students tend to comment that I look feminine, but am very aggressive in education and research. They seem to be overwhelmed by my masculinity in teaching. My little daughter is also very aggressive, loving martial arts and military songs.
I am rather satisfied with my life as transgender. Living as a woman here in a patriarchal society is too harsh, as I admit.
barbie~~
Quote from: Angelic on November 12, 2018, 12:27:00 PM
At age 4-6 I never said I dreamed of becoming a lady. I said I dreamed of becoming an animal or robot because I hated my own body. I said I did not want to grow up and become a man. Nowhere did I say I wanted to grow up and become a lady. I just said when I imagined my body in my imagination I had no genitals just flat, except for curved hips.
But come to think of it I do think I had fantasies of being Rosie the robot. And occasional fantasies of being a lady wearing frilly clothes. I do not remember them that well. But I do think I imagined myself as Angelica of Rugrats and looked up to her a lot. As I grew older realizing the gravity of being stuck with my body. I started to imagine I was the Joker who is similar to Angelica of Rugrats. This was the 90's one who wasn't anything like the new, modernized ones. Nowhere and under no circumstances would you ever see me burning money.
Military songs are good and energy boosting. Feminity is healing and energy boosting is also healing. Thus it is good. You should continue doing education and research, having energy is good and should not shame yourself over it. Also on your pick you look my age not 50 or older. If you are 50 or older what is your secret to looking so young?
Also I don't know where you live. But in America it is a matriarchal society. If you are born male noone cares about you or what you have to say. While it is true most of the law makers are male. They make laws that are engineered to oppress males. Transitioning to female and you will still have to follow the male rules. Unless you are lucky enough to pass and noone knows.
Yes. I also used to imagine metamorphosis, which has been a subject for novels (e.g., Franz Kafka) and movies (e.g. the silence of lambs). I remember that I was a little perplexed when the kidnapper in the movie was a kind of transsexual, dreaming a metamorphosis, symbolized by the moth. When I was kid, I imagined that my body changes into big robotic monster or female figures in animation movies.
I look relatively young, which is mostly genetic, but I have regularly exercised outdoors during the past 15 years. People seem to think I am a lady at her teens or 20s when looking at me behind, as some of them call me by those pronouns. Also my little daughter was born late when I was 39 and my wife 38 years old, and she keeps my wife and me look younger, even compared with the parents of her classmates. I am 54 years old.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181030/25baa7db3531584856476fbfb6fb3bf6.jpg)
Two weeks ago while touring around Yokohama, Japan. High-school girl students there were wearing like me.
barbie~~
sorry your having to deal with this
Quote from: gracefulhat on November 05, 2018, 06:16:58 PM
So the holidays are looming. I began medically transitioning 3 months ago and needless to say that my family are less than enthusiastic. For Thanksgiving and Christmas we usally all get together @ my parents for food ...etc.
Consider the alternatives. What if you lived and worked by yourself, were single and completely alone with no parents, no siblings, no extended family, relatives or even close friends nearby like me? Few people can even imagine. If I let it, trust me, that can be just as depressing as a little family drama that will probably work itself out over time.
I live a happy life and deal with this well enough for the most part but try to mentally prepare for the pressure and social expectations we're conditioned with about how things are supposed to be this time of year or I just ignore all the hoopla but sometimes need to dig pretty deep to do so. This has nothing to do with my trans history. That hasn't been an issue for me for over 45 years.
Last Christmas, my ex-husband that I divorced nearly 22 years ago but am still friends with and his current wife took pity on me and invited me over to be part of their holiday festivities with her family and it was fun. (I've known her almost 30 years) That was the first time I'd done anything at all in nearly a decade and something I wouldn't mind doing again this year except I'm going to drink more and spend the night!
@Lisa,
You're right, it can always be worse. I'm sorry that you've had such a difficult time, but it's great you were able to have an enjoyable time. Hopefully you will have another good Holiday Season like last year.
Quote from: barbie on November 12, 2018, 09:07:19 PM
Yes. I also used to imagine metamorphosis, which has been a subject for novels (e.g., Franz Kafka) and movies (e.g. the silence of lambs). I remember that I was a little perplexed when the kidnapper in the movie was a kind of transsexual, dreaming a metamorphosis, symbolized by the moth. When I was kid, I imagined that my body changes into big robotic monster or female figures in animation movies.
Hmm that's interesting. Never cared for that movie. When I say "Never cared for" imagine it like Doug Walker says it. What I mean is that movie scarred me for life. The criminals in that movie were too fargone. The criminals I admire are DC comics villians or cool mafia criminals, criminals who are a higher class of criminals, such as Robin Hood. To be honest that movie damaged a lot of cis minds and trans minds because people don't want to be compared to buffalo bill. Give us back normal criminals like the Joker or Penguin or even the transsexual from American Psycho or Texas Chainsaw massacre was more bearable than him. I wish I could time travel and erase that movie from ever being made.
Quote
I look relatively young, which is mostly genetic, but I have regularly exercised outdoors during the past 15 years. People seem to think I am a lady at her teens or 20s when looking at me behind, as some of them call me by those pronouns. Also my little daughter was born late when I was 39 and my wife 38 years old, and she keeps my wife and me look younger, even compared with the parents of her classmates. I am 54 years old.
Barbie is an appropriate name for you because you look to be 20 or younger even from the front lol.
What is your daily diet?
Quote from: Lisa_K on November 13, 2018, 05:40:16 AM
Consider the alternatives. What if you lived and worked by yourself, were single and completely alone with no parents, no siblings, no extended family, relatives or even close friends nearby like me? Few people can even imagine. If I let it, trust me, that can be just as depressing as a little family drama that will probably work itself out over time.
That reminds me, I have to make a thread related to this.
Quote from: gracefulhat on November 13, 2018, 06:55:01 PM
@Lisa,
You're right, it can always be worse. I'm sorry that you've had such a difficult time, but it's great you were able to have an enjoyable time. Hopefully you will have another good Holiday Season like last year.
Oh jeez! I wasn't posting for sympathy because none is needed at all. I wasn't necessarily saying not having any family was worse than having to deal with parental and sibling drama either just that it's a different set of things to deal with. Some people might find my situation dreadful as much I find uncomfortable family situations, disagreement and attitudes to be because I've never had to face that.
All I can do is imagine a scenario like yours and try to put myself in your shoes when it comes to integrating acceptance of your transness into your family. Reading the narratives of others to fill in some of the blanks helps me to grasp what this must be like but all I really can do is try to visualize what these challenges are like because something like this is outside of my experience. It certainly must be hard and throw in all the normal stresses of the holiday season that can come with their own disappointments and depressive feelings because we've all been conditioned there are certain expectations of what the holidays are supposed to be like and reality often falls short so it easy to understand why you aren't in the happiest place right now.
I am not immune to the pressure of our expectations this time of year. Practically everything hints that this is the time for family, friends, connections and good times with those we are close to and love and this attitude is pervasive and inescapable in the traditional images and stories presented everywhere in our culture of what our holiday seasons are expected to be which tends to make those of us that don't have these connections or are struggling with our familial relationships somehow not the norm and outside or the traditional paradigm and it's easy to let ourselves be put down by this or get down about it. At times in my life, I have hated this time of year as it has exacerbated my feeling of being alone, if not lonely. One of the ways I coped in the past was by being the proverbial bah humbug grinch about the whole thing but over the years, I've mellowed to point to indifference about it all. Thanksgiving and Christmas are just another day and as long as I don't let the external expectations of all the things I'm supposedly missing get to me, everything is great and I relish not having obligations, places to be or not having to deal with family members and situations that I would rather not.
Sometimes though, in spite of the inherent struggles and clashes of personalities dealing with family situations, a part of me longs for it and it's kind of hard not to think of more abundant times when I did have parents, family and loved ones and I have spent more than a few holiday seasons really being depressed and sad and lonely and miserable but at some point, I just stopped doing this to myself and stopped missing things expectations made me think I should have in my life. All this was so much more difficult when I was young and in my 20's. I lost my parents when I was 25 and with no siblings or extended family, the holiday season was always really hard by myself but a lot of things in my life had been hard and somehow like I always have, I managed one way or another.
The man I married when I was 30 was much the same way. He was an only child too, had lost his mother and lived thousands of miles away from his father and the family he grew up with so he was kind of bah humbug about the whole holiday thing too as a way to not just get down about it all so for the 13 or so holiday seasons we were together we both learned to find these missing things within and just accept where we were in all of this, realize things weren't going to change and that it was up to nobody else but us to decide to be okay with things or be depressed about them.
So, the holidays themselves can involve a lot of uncomfortable feelings for many of us which is easy enough to understand and relate to but adding in the challenges of transition issues, rejection and lack of understanding and support must be extremely difficult and certainly, if you are bummed out or depressed and anxious about the whole thing, it is easy to understand why and not hard to sympathetic to how you must feel.
I've never had my transness be a factor in any of my familial relationships. As a young child, there was no hiding or pretending to be something I wasn't and my differences were just accepted and not seen as differences which was probably less idyllic than some of you might imagine because of the grave social issues it caused but the fact that I was a boy that grew up to be a girl wasn't really even a thing for my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I never had to "come out" to anyone because I was never in, in the first place so I never had to face any negativity or stupid attitudes and crap and had always been thought of and treated like a girl so when I began living as one full time as a teenager, it just seemed like the normal thing for me to do and even though that's getting close to 50 years ago, my entire family saw this as the best thing for me and really the only thing that made any sense so I only had support and understanding. Like I said, the trans thing did not put a strain on my family relationships but that's not saying it didn't cause a lot of other problems.
I've been in romantic relationships half of my life and been single and alone the rest of the time for the holidays but this is not because of my past but because I simply don't have any family. Undoubtedly there are other factors involved in how I process this and I usually don't let the holidays bring me down as being alone is not unfamiliar to me. I was an only child severely socially ostracized and isolated and basically grounded for life during my high school years for safety because my parents were afraid someone was going to try to kill me again so you might say growing up prepared me for the times when I am alone and by myself. Either that or it broke something inside that makes me just be indifferent to all the hoopla and pressures of the holiday season and I usually make it through without getting bummed out or depressed. I usually save that for my birthday which is the first week of January! Then it's okay if I cry. (or drink a lot!) ;D
I can't complain. My life has been pretty darned amazing and not saying I don't have my moody moments or that things aren't hard sometimes because who's life is always roses and sunshine but I am a happy, fulfilled person and life is good.
"Big" Holiday times like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc like this that family members usually gather together to celebrate and have family meals together can be a very difficult time for many people, not just for those that are living far away and can not get together but also for singles and more to the point of the Forums here, transgenders in particular. Many transgenders are not readily accepted by family members and therefore it can be stressful getting together for these holiday events.
In my case, my parents and family, after 2 years of me being full-time still do not accept my transition and trans-woman status. I have not been back "home" since then and they will either not answer my calls or email ... or if I do get them on the phone it will be a very brief and guarded conversation. This year I am making plans to take the long trip to travel back "home" to visit my family and old friends, hopefully at Christmas time or sometime a month or two later when I have a business conference that I will be attending.
Again, difficult times during the holidays, but I have found that if I keep myself busy with my new friends that I have made here that these times can be pleasant. Many of my friends here are transplants so they do not have family nearby either, so we celebrate the holiday events with each other... our surrogate family groups in a way.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Lisa_K on November 14, 2018, 12:19:22 PM
I can't complain. My life has been pretty darned amazing and not saying I don't have my moody moments or that things aren't hard sometimes because who's life is always roses and sunshine but I am a happy, fulfilled person and life is good.
My life has been slightly different from yours, as family connections and the related rituals are regarded important here (S. Korea). Holidays seasons here are infamous for causing conflicts among family members, especially between any married woman and the family of her husband. Many women here become depressed during the holiday season.
http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2017/10/02/2017100200486.html
https://www.straitstimes.com/asia/east-asia/all-set-to-tackle-every-married-womans-biggest-nightmare-in-south-korea
Anyway, the support from my wife has been critical in overcoming my transgender issues. As I cherish and sustain my family, my wife has been always supportive of me, albeit some initial misunderstandings and arguments about 15 years ago. The support from my wife could refute any argument against my wearing women's dresses and makeup from my friends, colleagues and others. As long as my wife is OK, nobody could dare meddle in our family affairs.
But family members are different. For example, my father understands my ->-bleeped-<-, trying to accept my wearing, but to him, I am always a son, not a daughter. I sometimes imagine what I would think and respond when one of my two sons suddenly comes to me, asking transition or SRS. It is a tough and challenging question.
I can choose whether I will keep or stop relationships with my friends, colleagues and other acquaintances, but for family members, I have no choice. The family relationships are already decided, and I can not cut them. I have never talked with one of my two younger sisters during the past 3 years, after arguing with her regarding my wearing and trangenderism. Her phone number is included in the blocking list of my phone, as she continued sending cursing text messages to me 3 years ago. But, I am ready to meet and talk again with her when she is ready to understand me, which may not happen in her or my remaining life time.
Except her, I have maintained relatively nice relationships with other family members including my brother and cousins/nephews. I guess now they are already adjusted to my new image.
Anyways, holiday depression is not confined to transgender people. It happens to most of people here, especially young married women and unmarried men.
barbie~~
Honestly, if my extended family gives me a hard time about it, there's a part of me that'll almost be relieved. They're mostly Trump voters and socially conservative Christians who I've silently felt browbeaten by for years as they've badmouthed vulnerable populations and supported regressive politics, and I'll be glad to have an excuse to not keep implicitly condoning their behavior at every family gathering by not saying anything.
My parents, sister, and likely a few same-age cousins will be fine with it, and that's enough for me. Even if they weren't, I wouldn't feel bad about cutting ties with them anyway, even if it meant I had no biological family left. There's no point in spending time with people who don't wheheartedly accept me, and I'm not going to grovel for acceptance. I'll find new family to replace them. I don't see any worth in maintaining relationships only because of biological relation, and I don't understand people who do.
Any biological family member who wants to continue having a relationship post-transition can come to me and ask for it if they want to. I'm not going to bother taking the initiative; it feels demeaning and holds no benefit for me.
Quote from: Angelic on November 14, 2018, 10:46:12 AM
What is your daily diet?
I am a big eater, and eat virtually every type of food in the world. My favorites are rice, peanut and fish together with red wine and ale beer.
(https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4845/45882599731_4eb1c1d1d1_o.jpg) (https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4851/44065971140_cfc13c3d00_b.jpg) (https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4867/44969315855_ef5e1f9d6e_b.jpg) (https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4903/44969323085_1059f15747_b.jpg) (https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4899/44066396010_620eed82c1_b.jpg) (https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4886/45158922284_239d33f2cf_b.jpg)
Cheers!
barbie~~
Nothing cures a bad day like a pile of crab. ;D
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on November 15, 2018, 09:32:25 AM
Nothing cures a bad day like a pile of crab. ;D
Those crab are red snow crab,
Chinoecetes japonicus: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chionoecetes
Here they are cheaper than the other similar but more popular species called snow or king crab
Chionoecetes opilio, but surprisingly more delicious to my taste, especially with white wine. Both species occupy the same ocean areas, but their habitat water depths are different, avoiding any spatial overlap.
barbie~~