Hey everyone,
Something I have wondered is how the trans community considers being transgender a gift or a curse. Sure, it has some positive points and some hardships, but ultimately are we blessed to be trans or are we forced to live with an inescapable gender tribulation?
I'm sure answers will vary, but I'm interested to see the results!
Danielle
Quote from: Danielle Kristina on November 07, 2018, 06:59:21 PM
Hey everyone,
Something I have wondered is how the trans community considers being transgender a gift or a curse. Sure, it has some positive points and some hardships, but ultimately are we blessed to be trans or are we forced to live with an inescapable gender tribulation?
I'm sure answers will vary, but I'm interested to see the results!
Danielle
@Danielle Kristina Dear Danielle:To determine my answer to your question, all you have to do is to go to my "Hunted Prey" thread... it should then be obvious about how I feel about the subject!!!
I am most interested as you why you asked the question in the first place.
If you wish you can answer here ...or you can send me a private message and I will keep it confidential.
Hugs,
Danielle (the Alaskan one)
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 07, 2018, 07:05:12 PM
@Danielle Kristina
Dear Danielle:
To determine my answer to your question, all you have to do is to go to my "Hunted Prey" thread... it should then be obvious about how I feel about the subject!!!
I am most interested as you why you asked the question in the first place.
If you wish you can answer here ...or you can send me a private message and I will keep it confidential.
Hugs,
Danielle (the Alaskan one)
I was just curious and wanted to get the perspectives of those within the trans community. For me, I neither consider it a blessing or a curse - it just is the way it is; I'm transgender whether I like it or not and I'm ok with it. However, others who are further along in their journeys to self than myself might see things differently, or perhaps those who have not spent as long as I have discovering themselves as I have may also have a different take on things. There could also be hidden advantages to being transgender and also some difficulties that perhaps I haven't encountered or considered yet. Like I said, I wanted to get other perspectives on this.
Gift! Sometimes I think it's so-called normal, 'cis people' who are accursed ;D
". . . be not afraid of them, nor be afraid of their words, though briers and thorns are with you and you sit on scorpions.2 Be not afraid of their words, nor be dismayed at their looks, for they are the rebellious house."
Gift! Makes my life so much richer. Wouldn't have it any other way.
By the sounds of it, I think it depends if you are on the E or not.
At the moment I would consider it a curse. I don't think anyone truly wants to be trans. I think what we truly want is to have been born the sex that we wanted.
BUT, I can see as things progress that it might be a gift. I am meeting some wonderful people who I would never have known had it not been for being trans.
However, right now I am at low... ask me again in a few hours and I will give you a more positive answer - lol... the joys of being pre-HRT trans... might give you a clue as to why I feel it is a curse right now.
It's a gift, but you cut yourself to shreds trying to open it! Coming to terms, understanding it, relationship with SO...
But I agree that it has made my life richer and more "interesting" lol.
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I find it to be quite the curse. I'm paying substantial amounts of cash to transition (40K next week for FFS) and that's not even close to the biggest price I've paid. The biggest price has been the break-up of my marriage, the loss of my daughter in my life, moving from my hometown to "protect" my family from my "shame". And to top it all off, I continually question if this will "fix" the issue. It's not like an objective medical issue, like a broken bone, which you can see and there is a well established course of treatment. Sorry, I'm ranting. Just put me down as saying it is a curse.
Without going into an elaborate philosophical explanation....
....for me it is definitely a gift, or more accurately, a blessing.
As I state on my profile below my Avatar "I love living as a Female"
... and all of this is quite evident in most of my postings especially on my "Hunted Prey" thread.
I am truly most appreciative of this "gift" of being a trans-woman.
It is most certainly worth all of my time, sweat, tears and monies spent on my transition journey.
Danielle
It's been a gift to me, nothing but a positive learning experience. Perhaps that's because I was a late bloomer. I spent a lifetime learning to accept the ups and downs of life, then along came transgender. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Simply put:
A very painful curse before transition.
The most unique and wonderful gift afterwards. [emoji4]
Hugs, Sarah
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Quote from: Alice (nym) on November 07, 2018, 08:53:17 PM
By the sounds of it, I think it depends if you are on the E or not.
At the moment I would consider it a curse. I don't think anyone truly wants to be trans. I think what we truly want is to have been born the sex that we wanted.
BUT, I can see as things progress that it might be a gift. I am meeting some wonderful people who I would never have known had it not been for being trans.
However, right now I am at low... ask me again in a few hours and I will give you a more positive answer - lol... the joys of being pre-HRT trans... might give you a clue as to why I feel it is a curse right now.
@Alice (nym)
HAHA - Oh Alice has it nailed! I agree! LOL
PLUS - Its like Dolly Parton said "you want the rainbow you gotta put up with the rain" -- which is ironic given the rainbow is our symbol....
Sonja.
Quote from: Alice (nym) on November 07, 2018, 08:53:17 PM
By the sounds of it, I think it depends if you are on the E or not.
At the moment I would consider it a curse. I don't think anyone truly wants to be trans. I think what we truly want is to have been born the sex that we wanted.
BUT, I can see as things progress that it might be a gift. I am meeting some wonderful people who I would never have known had it not been for being trans.
However, right now I am at low... ask me again in a few hours and I will give you a more positive answer - lol... the joys of being pre-HRT trans... might give you a clue as to why I feel it is a curse right now.
On low dose E for 3+ years now and still mainly in the closet. I still view being transgender as mainly a curse. So much of my life has been wasted thinking about transitioning. I suspect I would view this as a gift if I find a way to accept myself and not fear how society views me.
Quote from: RandyL on November 07, 2018, 09:04:15 PM
It's a gift, but you cut yourself to shreds trying to open it! Coming to terms, understanding it, relationship with SO...
But I agree that it has made my life richer and more "interesting" lol.
Still trying to open this gift. Right now I agree with your "cut yourself to shreds". Hope it gets better.
Take care,
Paige :)
In my case, I would rather call it a gift.
barbie~~
Is it a gift or a curse? No, it isn't. Either one.
Being trans is just something that is, like having blue eyes instead of brown eyes. It isn't either good or bad, it just is.
Whether it is a gift or a curse depends on what you make of it. I spent 60 years making it a curse. I have only myself to blame for that. When I changed direction, I made it become a gift.
I prefer to see it as a gift, but I recognize that that perception is of my own making. I could choose the safe, fearful way or the risky, joyful way. That's how life is.
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 08, 2018, 10:34:01 AM
Is it a gift or a curse? No, it isn't. Either one.
Being trans is just something that is, like having blue eyes instead of brown eyes. It isn't either good or bad, it just is.
Whether it is a gift or a curse depends on what you make of it. I spent 60 years making it a curse. I have only myself to blame for that. When I changed direction, I made it become a gift.
I prefer to see it as a gift, but I recognize that that perception is of my own making. I could choose the safe, fearful way or the risky, joyful way. That's how life is.
I like that outlook. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Definitely a curse. However many cursed witches gain dark powers.
Being treated as a reject whos oppressed from society is definitely not a gift. Neither is inherently hating your own appearance, or having a brain that doesn't match what your body is.
I am in the camp of seeing it as a curse. I have wished everyday since I became aware of the dysphoric feeling 25 years ago, that I would have been born in a body I feel comfortable with. One that matches my gender. The amount of pain this has caused myself and others through my life, I can't say that I am glad I was born this way.
I am grateful however, that since I have started down the road of transitioning, I have been met with more support than I expected. I find that I can still have a happy life, and become a much better person than I have ever been. I will be able to support others and hopefully bring enlightenment to people that are currently ignorant about all things trans.
So although it is a curse to me, I find it is something that has challenged me, made me stronger, more sympathetic to others and more eager to bring hope to others. It isn't something that has a hold on me anymore. I have accepted it and I own it! Looking back is not what I want to do. I plan to keep focusing on where I want to be and pursue that dream with as much character and integrity as possible!
Lacy
I don't see being trans as a gift or curse, but certainly the environment many of us grew up in was a curse. When I first tried on my sister's tights, I thought there was something wrong with me and terrified someone would find out. Given that back then it was considered a mental illness, I might have been forced into some sort of "treatment". It took a long time for me to accept that I was trans. Of course at first, I hadn't even heard that word for many years. Now we have so many options available to us. For example, as I mentioned in another thread, I asked my doctor to refer me for hormones. There was no push back, no questions of why. She just said she'd arrange it. Until recently, that wouldn't have had that option. I'd have had to talk to a psychiatrist at an institution that seemed to be more interested in putting up barriers, rather than help a trans patient. Also, living in Canada, GCS is covered by our heath care. All I'd have to do is get 2 evaluations, from a doctor, social worker, practical nurse, etc.. No longer any need for a psychiatrist. So, it's the past that was a curse and the present situation that provides so much support for trans that's a "gift".
Life would definitely be a lot simpler not being trans, so in that sense it's a curse. Like many other trans people I feel like I wasted a lot of my life trying to deny what was really happening. At the same time I'm so relieved to finally be doing something about it. Not that I don't still have some really tough days, but at least now there is some hope even when things are bad. I'm still very early in the whole transition process though, a couple laser treatments, not even on HRT yet which I know can affect people's emotions too. I would have rather just been born with the right body but that's not an option so I TRY not to dwell on it too much.
Curse. It troubles me every day. Wish I'd been born a woman instead of a male who wants to be a woman—and living with an unsupportive and unaccepting wife hurts me every day.
Finally knowing who I am, is a gift. Knowing why relationships failed is a gift, for both of us. Meeting people in the same identity crisis is a gift, especially if I am able to help them. What is a curse is being scared most my life to be the person I have always known was hiding in the shadows, but now even that seems a long time ago. Emily Anderson, Nanci Vargas, Peter Lightbody and Kristy Conner have been major gifts as I would not know them if I had not come out as trans. My wife is a gift that I did not acknowledge but have come to realize what a great person she is. My friends at the support group are gifts I would never have. Lastly Evie Dickenson has become someone I will cherish her friendship for the rest of my life. I used to think life was a challenge. Now the challenge is be the best me, I have been given the opportunity to become.
Quote from: Sarah.VanDistel on November 08, 2018, 01:05:13 AM
Simply put:
A very painful curse before transition.
The most unique and wonderful gift afterwards. [emoji4]
Hugs, Sarah
Before I figured this out my anger was out of control, I came close to ending my life and possibly the lives of a few other people. No one should ever go that far into darkness. I will never forget the pain I caused my family. I don't know why my wife stayed with me, or how I survived.
Now my anger is gone and I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Everything feels right.
The problem is that if I had never been him, I would not have an amazing wife and two awesome daughters.
I will never know who I could have been or what I could have done if I had been born as a cis female, but I am happy with who I have become. I could not imagine a world without my daughters. I also get a unique gift -- being able to live two lives and see the world from two different perspectives.
It is both a gift and a curse. It all depends on your perspective.
It depends what you do with being trans. It depends on what you are able to do about it. All my life, it haunted me, drove me crazy. I was really lucky to be able to transition. I seriously thought of it being a curse before that. Now, I feel like at 61 I am gearing up for my life, not getting ready to die. I feel like everything now is new and I want to soak in this gift. I see everything in a new light, what else would I call it?
Wow, I really enjoyed reading everyone's responses! Well, I guess it's my turn.
I am pre-everything at the moment. I see a gender therapist every other week and I came out to a friend of mine, and I dress full time at home (I live alone, so no worries in the house). I am going to start HRT as soon as my employer's health insurance takes effect. So far, being trans has been a double-edged sword, in that I realize that I am a woman, which is a blessing because I have always wanted to be one. However, I also see it as a curse, since I will eventually come out to a family that is very loving but not very trans-friendly. Many of my friends are conservative and do not understand what being transgender really is. Coming to terms with my own gender identity has shaken the very concept of who I have always thought I was; I found that I don't know me as well as I thought I did.
I don't hate being trans. In fact, I'm at peace finally, knowing why I have felt feminine feelings throughout my life. No longer do I condemn myself for feeling like a woman. I finally don't feel like feminizing myself is a sin or anything to be ashamed of. I still have great fear about coming out, dressing in public, etc., but I don't hate myself for wanting to be a woman anymore either, and that is a great blessing!!!
Hugs to all!!
Danielle
Each life is a precious adventure, some are miserable, some happy, some are good some are bad. This is our path for this lifetime and our death is not the end and birth is not the begining, but the long path to enlightnment. I loved life as a male and thus have no regrets about my past, I love my life now as a tg female and I dont worry about tomorrow it is unknown and not a certainty.
Everything I enjoyed doing as a male I could have done as a female. Putt putt, racing go-karts, robotics, etc. I could have all done that as a female. My art would probably be better as a female too. So I have zero gratitude whatsoever for being born male. Unlike other transwomen I never had a loving wife, loving girlfriend or even proper sex with a female so I have nothing to be grateful about being male and I am super bitter.
Would it be fair to say that those who see it as a gift have successfully transitioned and/or are "out" to a supportive partner or support network, and those who see it as a curse (like me) are isolated and in the closet? Or am I just generalizing from my own situation? Nancy
Quote from: NancyBalik on November 10, 2018, 01:29:13 PM
Would it be fair to say that those who see it as a gift have successfully transitioned and/or are "out" to a supportive partner or support network, and those who see it as a curse (like me) are isolated and in the closet? Or am I just generalizing from my own situation? Nancy
Seven billion people, seven billion genders, on a spectrum. You're definitely generalizing. :)
I would say that I have been pretty successful in my transition but I wouldn't exactly call being trans a gift. It's more like one of nature's cruelest hazing rituals.
Yes I got to see the world through more perspectives than most, yes it toughened me up mentally, but this came at the cost of a few decades of misery and being disowned by my immediate family. I don't feel like I got the better end of that trade.
But I'm keeping my chin up and making the best of it like I always have. Failure isn't an option.
Quote from: NancyBalik on November 10, 2018, 01:29:13 PM
Would it be fair to say that those who see it as a gift have successfully transitioned and/or are "out" to a supportive partner or support network, and those who see it as a curse (like me) are isolated and in the closet? Or am I just generalizing from my own situation? Nancy
Theoretically, in a perfect world, that loved and accepted trans people, and in this world was tech to turn people into passable trans, for a small affordable fee, then I could argue it is a gift, because there is no period cramps. But that world does not exist and I would trade having period cramps in order not to feel such negative mental states every day.
Being trans isn't anything. What kind of gift is wrapped in such a high suicide rate? What kind of curse can end in such contentment when you wake up on the other side of the dark? It just is.
It just is, like everything else in life, the gift or curse is in how we view it. The glass isn't half full, the glass isn't half empty, the glass is just wet. We are not how good we had it or how bad we but what we did with what we had.
I think the life I've been given is a gift. Being trans is a part of that, but it's only (somewhat) physical... I have the same body, the same voice and mannerisms. The changes are so subtle... My waist is a bit smaller and my hips wider. Sure. But my face structure hasn't changed much. My eyes haven't.
I think whatever estrogen is or does, that is a gift. In a weird twisted way it though.
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Quote from: NancyBalik on November 10, 2018, 01:29:13 PM
Would it be fair to say that those who see it as a gift have successfully transitioned and/or are "out" to a supportive partner or support network, and those who see it as a curse (like me) are isolated and in the closet? Or am I just generalizing from my own situation? Nancy
Support is certainly a factor. Finding people like yourself in person for the first time and then building relationships. Finding professionals that support your decisions and actually have some experience with how to handle it. It's ok to set a baseline and build on it.
For me it is a gift but not all gifts are great sometimes it sucks but other times it kicks butt. I have never had an easy life at all but for me transitioning was not anywhere near as hard as I thought it was going to be. I am not saying it is easy either. Everyone has their own challenges in life.
It'll never feel like a gift, but it feels much less like the curse it used to. All in all, I'm grateful to be me—trans or not.
Quote from: RealLacy on November 08, 2018, 03:02:17 PM
I am in the camp of seeing it as a curse. I have wished everyday since I became aware of the dysphoric feeling 25 years ago, that I would have been born in a body I feel comfortable with. One that matches my gender. The amount of pain this has caused myself and others through my life, I can't say that I am glad I was born this way.
I am grateful however, that since I have started down the road of transitioning, I have been met with more support than I expected. I find that I can still have a happy life, and become a much better person than I have ever been. I will be able to support others and hopefully bring enlightenment to people that are currently ignorant about all things trans.
So although it is a curse to me, I find it is something that has challenged me, made me stronger, more sympathetic to others and more eager to bring hope to others. It isn't something that has a hold on me anymore. I have accepted it and I own it! Looking back is not what I want to do. I plan to keep focusing on where I want to be and pursue that dream with as much character and integrity as possible!
Lacy
Thank you Danielle Kristina for such an interesting thread.
I have just read the whole thread and Lacy's reply is the closest to my thinking. Thank you Lacy.
I have to say being trans is a curse as how could it be a gift to be one gender - obviously providing we are of sound mind, our true gender being that of the brain/mind but the body we possess showing the other gender? Therefore it must be a curse until you take positive action. Before that point you are merely existing as opposed to living and in many cases with depression and/or aggression. But after you decide to do something - therapy and/or HRT and/or surgeries, then you feel better and start loving yourself and loving life. You gain motivation, appreciate the challenge and overcome the obstacles. You later become a better person willing to help others.
So for me a curse till you take action and then afterwards you and others may appreciate the gift!
Hugs to all
Pamela