Coming out as transgender in midlife after a lifetime of denial has been a wrenching experience. I continue to cast about for ways of explaining it to myself, for narratives that make sense, for metaphors to invoke meaning, for parables, for anything at all...
One day my wife was bitching at me about my accumulating self-awareness and yelled something along the lines of, "It's like you're turning into a mermaid, scale by scale, and I didn't marry any goddam mermaid!"
That's fair enough, I guess. I can see her point of view.
But I also think she was more right than she ever expected.
Once you turn fifty, you know what it means to discover a new growth on your body: nothing good.
Nobody in middle age wants a new growth on their body. At best the thing will be grody and embarrassing; at worst, cancer. In every case, one wants it removed entirely and immediately.
Now put yourself in my shoes roughly one year ago. You've quit drinking, you've made a commitment to living a healthier life, you're actually starting to feel better physically than you have in quite a while, and one morning you wake up to discover a new growth on your abdomen.
And it's a goddam mermaid scale.
A mermaid scale? This is ridiculous. A skin tag or a mole, you could understand. But Christ, life is hard enough without this level of bizarre. Gotta get rid of this thing ASAP.
But then you look at your mermaid scale up close, and you run your fingers over it, and it's warm and soft and sparkling iridescent gold and green and blue and it's so incredibly beautiful and it's all yours and you love it!
It's amazing. It's the best thing ever. You adore it. You can't stop looking at it. You can't stop thinking about it. You wish you had more. It'd be scary to have more, because, like, that'd sort of be like being a mermaid for real, but wow. Your mermaid scale is really, intensely, amazingly cool. No way are you getting rid of this thing.
And then more of them start popping up all over your lower body. Wow. That's... surprising. Kinda. You didn't necessarily think it would happen, and you hadn't been entirely sure what you'd do if it did, but maybe it's not such a shock after all. In fact, maybe it's kinda cool. They are awfully pretty, after all.
Yeah. They are. What's wrong with being covered in mermaid scales, after all? But would that mean you were really a mermaid? Would there be anything wrong with that?
Sure, this world isn't built for mermaids. People beat them up and kill them for sport, and there are the religious fanatics who insist mermaids are abominations that don't exist, and - ick - there are fetishists. Mermaids are a minority, so they face discrimination. But there's nothing wrong with mermaids.
Right?
Maybe you could even see yourself as one?
All signs point to yes.
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Ko
I have to admit, I like this analogy. It fits.
But, my scales would be merMAN ones. ;)
Ryuichi
Quote from: Battle Goddess on November 22, 2018, 01:00:14 AM
Maybe you could even see yourself as one?
Ever try
*adding water*? See what happens then?
Grandbaby has a full collection of mermaids but, sorry Ryuichi13, don't see too many "mermen" :(
Quote from: Kiera on November 22, 2018, 07:39:22 AM
Ever try *adding water*? See what happens then?
Grandbaby has a full collection of mermaids but, sorry Ryuichi13, don't see too many "mermen" :(
I collect Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls (BJDs) and even though I can't afford a merman right now, I see them online every now and then, like this one.
BJD Merman (https://www.pinterest.ch/pin/502503270899872167/)
So I'm good. ;)
Ryuichi
Like many trans women, I've always been fascinated by mermaids. Like The Little Mermaid, though, I'd like to lose my tail.
Real mermaids to NOT wear seashell bras!