Like many others I withdrew from the world to hide my secret. With that came a lot of awkward behavior's. Not the least of these was being socially inept . Oh I could talk your leg off about Six Sigma, MRP/ERP systems, computer integration etc. Mainly because I am well versed in all things production. Yay, APICS. However having an open conversation is a real bugaboo. I don't think I am that interesting first of all and Devlyn would probably agree. :D I strained my vocal chords when I was a kid so I have never been able to talk loudly enough to be understood. When I was called upon in school I would freeze up. I had a hard time starting conversations which led to the opinion that I was stuck up.
Last night in my support group I actually instigated and maintained a conversation for over an hour. This is a milestone in my transition as a human being. I chose this as a subject for this post because not all of our improvements are in our physical features. It proves I am overcoming my shyness. Quite an accomplishment at my age. I attribute it to the hormones. One of my problems with being involved in conversations is that they would light a slow fuse that would get hotter and hotter until I blew. Tired of being ignored, tired of being misunderstood. tired of explaining and reexplaining what I thought was basic logic. Tired of being sarcastic.
Anyhoo, I believe this is an unexpected accomplishment due to not being depressed , that I am really proud of and I expect to only get better.
Well done Dawn!
Indeed, the little things, precious little victories along the way - they all add up.
Sounds like apart from being shy, you can't be bothered with small talk or general chitchat about the weather & stuff? Sometimes I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes when someone is stating the obvious or just talking for the sake of it. 'Silence is Golden' - truly in many ways.
Glad you overcame whatever was holding you back though and totally enjoy the moment!
Hugs,
Johnni xoxo
Great to read that you allow yourself to be heard now! I used to be a very shy person, too. I was even scared to pick up the pone when it rang!
My employer, who wanted me to become a seminar speaker did send me for over a year to a class system called "Transaction Analysis" which was taught at the local university.
This helped me a lot. I don't know whether these curses are still around, and if they are, I can whole hardly recommend them.
Dawn,
I think now that you know who you are and can live as best that life you need and wanted, your confidence is now showing. This is the person that has been hidden all your life. Enjoy your new you as you deserve it.
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Thank you ladies. It is amazing that after all these years. I'm (the real me) coming out. I cherish even the small improvements. The more I find out about myself the more I want to share because I'm finding I am not the disgusting person I always believed I was. I have resolved to engage in self love rather than self loathing.
Hi Dawn,
Although we have not met I have read many of your posts, and now that I am also online here instead just reading all of your notes. Good for you and awesome that you put yourself out in the arena. it can be a major hurdle as you have described which we hold for many years. What you did is a great way to overcome those inabilities you have had in the past. Throwing yourself out there and just try to see where it goes. Be proud as you are and continue to push you comfort zone.. That is awesome progress! Liina
Congratulations, I am glad you are feeling better and depression is lifting.
Late to the post but congrats Dawn!!!
Kate
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