I have decided that I want to make this transition finally. I've dealt with the pain of depression and anxiety for too long now. I've attempted suicide, abused drugs and alcohol, got tattoos to drown out the pain of day to day life, so on and so forth. However, coming out comes at a snails pace. My parents and family are likely some of the most ill informed and politically incorrect people on earth. Gay is a sin and God doesn't make mistakes therefore your gender is set at birth. Period. We had a family friend come out as trans when I was in high school. My parents exiled her and wouldn't allow her around my brothers and I. I applauded her courage but I was never given an opportunity to express that. After seeing how they treated her, it scared me right back into hiding.
Over thanksgiving weekend I was getting more comfortable again with saying something, then my idiot brother and opinionated father opened their mouths. The topic of gender identity came up in passing. My brother referred to people like us as "those ->-bleeped-<-s who think they can decide their own gender." My dad compared transgender rights to people stealing with no recourse. I lost it. I secluded myself the rest of the evening and blamed it on my depression. Which is true but their loud mouths were the triggers.
The following Monday, my fiancé ended up hospitalized after her depression hit a wall. She ended up in the psychiatric wing for the last week. Thank god she's okay and my best friend got to her in time. However, dealing with that made me sure I needed to tell at least one person everything before I was in that same place again. I checked myself into inpatient psychiatric care after a suicide attempt 4 years ago and never want to be back at that point.
After leaving the hospital Monday night, I went to my best friends house for a drink. We got to talking, and he asked me how therapy is going. Well, after a cosmo, I felt pretty willing to talk. Asked him if he realized why I was in therapy. He recognized depression and anxiety, and I told him there was one more major thing that led me to therapy finally. Initially he thought it was manic or bipolar. I swallowed the last sip of my drink hard and came flat out. Between tears, I told him I'm transgender. I don't know exactly why I was crying. I think it may have been my fear of losing my best friend of over 20 years. When I picked my head up he sat accross from me with a huge smile on his face and told me I had his full support. We went out two days later. I was finally able to wear what I wanted and for the first time was comfortable. Granted, I had to deal with the ignorant table of people sitting behind us making comments, but I for the most part ignored them.
Anyway. Back to the point. My question is this. How do you come pot to a family of ignorant people? I was going to wait until physical changes start showing but I don't know if that's a good idea. Any thoughts?
That's what I did but I don't advise anyone to do the same. I know letters are one way. I'm not sure the best way (if any) to come out when you live with family. I'd worry you'd end up in the hospital again if you live with family while on hrt or presenting as your authentic self...
Transitioning on hrt isn't easy. Yes physical changes happen, but emotionally you'll change even more. Or at least I did...
Still I think there's something to be said for the satisfaction I feel too. There's a lot I had to endure this past year and I still deal with things. Socially it's a bit of a minefield at times.
What I realized is that every person's starting point is so different. I still have many times that I struggle, but it feels a bit better than giving up. That's a bit of a blunt way to put it, but I feel like that's true for me right now.
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How, I won't get in to. You have to decide. I do have an opinion one one thing though.
Do not do it with trepidation or hesitancy. This is give them more leverage to pick at you and erode your thoughts.
If you do it in person stand proud and confident, say it the same way. Doesn't matter how you feel inside. Don't let it show. They have to see your resolve.
In text you can still do it, you have to word it carefully. No 'I thinks" it has to be "I know"
I had an advantage, my parents and siblings lived 1000 miles away. I didn't tell them until after I had changed my name, transitioned, and gone full-time. No way they could try to talk me out of it!
When the time came I told them in person. My family knew my wife and I were coming for a visit, but I arrived a few days early on purpose. I started off with the youngest, most-educated female relative -- a niece who is a veterinarian. She knew I was coming early, but not why. Next was her mom (my sister-in-law), then her dad (my oldest brother). As expected they were accepting, and I asked them to help tell my parents. Every Sunday they have lunch at my parents house, so I had them take a letter to my parents. At the end of the letter I asked my parents to call me if they wanted us to visit. The last line of the letter was :
"I hope you can find it in your heart to welcome me home. I am your daughter, Jessica Rose."
My dad had made disparaging comments when Caitlyn Jenner came out, and even my sister-in-law did not expect it to go well. It was the longest wait of my life. My wife and I were welcomed home.
That's a really awesome, inspiring story, Jessica_Rose. Thanks for sharing that.