I'm screwed, My sister is coming down and will be reading me the riot act again over my transition for Christmas. I so don't want to listen to the same shiet again. >:(
Lisa
Sorry to hear that. That is a tough situation.
Do you have plans on how to deflect it.
Not unless I can find some 1/4 steel and build a shield of some kind. ::)
Lisa
Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 16, 2018, 09:24:32 PM
I'm screwed, My sister is coming down and will be reading me the riot act again over my transition for Christmas. I so don't want to listen to the same shiet again. >:(
Lisa
@LisaDear Lisa:I know it is quite easy for me to say, but your sister can not make your feel bad about yourself, it is you that have control of your feelings. You have made a life changing decision with your eyes wide open and your have already felt her wrath along with others that you have come across since your transition announcements. As you continue building up your self-assurance and self-confidence all of this will eventually become easier when dealing with what you described.
Hang in there, keep a positive attitude as much as you can.... and
DO NOT get into arguments and debates with those that do not accept you and your transition plans.... in most cases you will not be able to change their minds and viewpoints.... and in most cases "they" will not be able to change your mind nor change your views about the subject. .... you must try very hard to not to show anger and to not say things that are not productive. Your sister is part of
your family and will always be.... you don't want any regrets later on in your lives.
As much as possible please try to have a good Christmas time and holiday time with your sister and others that you spend time with during the holidays.
If you have been reading my threads you are quite aware that I have my own disappointments and issues with my family, parents and friends back home.... I have not given up... it's been 2 years now since I left home and have not virtually no meaningful conversation nor any acceptance... but I am an Optimist with a glass half-full, so I still have hope.... "hope springs eternal" as the old saying goes.
I will be eagerly following your threads and comments and I am hoping for the best for you.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 16, 2018, 09:48:37 PM
@Lisa
Dear Lisa:
I know it is quite easy for me to say, but your sister can not make your feel bad about yourself, it is you that have control of your feelings. You have made a life changing decision with your eyes wide open and your have already felt her wrath along with others that you have come across since your transition announcements. As you continue building up your self-assurance and self-confidence all of this will eventually become easier when dealing with what you described.
Hang in there, keep a positive attitude as much as you can.... and DO NOT get into arguments and debates with those that do not accept you and your transition plans.... in most cases you will not be able to change their minds and viewpoints.... and in most cases "they" will not be able to change your mind nor change your views about the subject. .... you must try very hard to not to show anger and to not say things that are not productive. Your sister is part of your family and will always be.... you don't want any regrets later on in your lives.
As much as possible please try to have a good Christmas time and holiday time with your sister and others that you spend time with during the holidays.
If you have been reading my threads you are quite aware that I have my own disappointments and issues with my family, parents and friends back home.... I have not given up... it's been 2 years now since I left home and have not virtually no meaningful conversation nor any acceptance... but I am an Optimist with a glass half-full, so I still have hope.... "hope springs eternal" as the old saying goes.
I will be eagerly following your threads and comments and I am hoping for the best for you.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
It is truly amazing how you always manage to inspire people it is truly an admirable quality
If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?
Amen!
Danielle, You truly are a special person in this world.
Lisa
Just say, "Can we agree to disagree?" Repeat it as often as necessary and also say, "Look, we're both adults. You have your your opinion and I have mine. Can we please change the subject and just have a nice time together?"
If she insists on bringing up the subject know that she is disrespecting you and she is getting into abuse territory.
Ahh, family. Can't live with them, but can't do without them. I don't know if that is the proper saying, but you kmnw what I mean.
Christmas can be such a difficult time. Family and people you don't regularly see, may get together and are supposed to get along.
Hope it goes okay, Lisa.
I will be seeing quite a few family members for the first time for a Christmas lunch, and I have always found that the hardest time of year. Wonder if it will be any different this time?
~Dee.
Dee, Thanks.
This time of year can be rough.
Lisa
I wish I was like our dear Alaskan Danielle. I can't figure out how she manages to be so upbeat and positive all the time. She's amazing, special, and so sweet.
Lisa
Lisa - People that are critical may appear to be the ones that have the power in a relationship. They utilize our own self doubts and insecurities to make us feel badly about ourselves and attempt to take the upper hand.
Those that we love and those that supposedly love us should do so unconditionally. Love us for who we truly are.
If someone does not love me for who I am then in my mind they truly do not love ME.
I am continually astounded by people that are judgmental of those whose only 'crime' is living as their authentic self. In my opinion the one that is in the wrong is the person that is hurting a loved one.
Be strong. Be you. You deserve it.
Just to add to the conversation - family is always a mixed bag, due to the fact that even during the best of times, there are no perfect relationships between family members (many of us have family members that haven't gotten along with each other in a long time [in my case, my brother and sister have been feuding with each other for well over 10 years]). Throw in transitioning, and it just aggravates things. In my case, while I reconciled with my parents shortly before my SRS in late 2003 (as a matter of fact, I'm taking my mom to her follow-up appointment with her cardiologist later today), my sister and brother have never come to any full-on acceptance of me being myself. At best they prefer deal with me in a very remote, and cold manner. To top it off, my brother is a bit of a sanctimonious fool, who tries to manipulate others into being the way he thinks they should be. I ignore him (which gets him bent out of shape - such as when I wouldn't walk in lock-step with him about how affairs should be handled, when my dad was dying of cancer), knowing that that people like him (and more than likely your sister Lisa), have lives that are far from perfect, and in many cases, are just plain messed up.
For a long time, my credo for dealing with people like that (who feel they have to manipulate me/try to force me into living my life the "proper way") is to remind myself of the last line to the chorus of that old song, "Sunshine" by Jonathan Edwards:
He Can't Even Run His Own Life, I'll Be Damned If He'll Run Mine
Don't let your sister get you down Lisa. More than likely her life is far from perfect, and her own insecurities about it, are causing her to attack you, so she feels better about herself.
Ellen - On Vacation From Work (hey, I still have a week's worth of vacation to use up before the end of the year :))
Kim, Ellen, I think both of you are probably on to something. I know my sisters life is far from perfect. She also has a rocky relationship with her husband. She runs a business and is extremely busy and always on the run. She found out I'm TG through another family member. I wish it didn't happen that way. Sigh. :( She does not know very much about being TG or what we go through. Her experience has been with a little research on Google. Most of the research in trying to find a way to discredit my being TG because of the abusive up bringing I suffered from my father. She says I gravitated towards being female because of a lack of a good male row model in my life. She sadly really does not understand at all what being TG is all about from deep within. Fighting with her is indeed a futile waste of time. She's LGBTQI phobic.
Lisa
Here is a little research on the matter that you might want to give her. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19403051
Thanks Dawn.
Lisa
Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 17, 2018, 11:09:59 AM
Kim, Ellen, I think both of you are probably on to something. I know my sisters life is far from perfect. She also has a rocky relationship with her husband. She runs a business and is extremely busy and always on the run. She found out I'm TG through another family member. I wish it didn't happen that way. Sigh. :( She does not know very much about being TG or what we go through. Her experience has been with a little research on Google. Most of the research in trying to find a way to discredit my being TG because of the abusive up bringing I suffered from my father. She says I gravitated towards being female because of a lack of a good male row model in my life. She sadly really does not understand at all what being TG is all about from deep within. Fighting with her is indeed a futile waste of time. She's LGBTQI phobic.
Lisa
Two thoughts and these are just my 2 cents worth.
Stress during Christmas and the family situation. I was diagnosed with Anxiety quite a few years ago (Depression as well) there are just times where the stress / anxiety stuff become too much. Like you can't function sort of bad. This doesn't happen a lot. in other words its not daily. In face its not even weekly. And there are a variety of things I've learned from a TDoc that help but.... On those "Valium Worthy" days.... It pays to actually have a prescription for Valium (or Xanax etc) so I can function in the face of total crapufication.
A second one that might be of value to self appointed experts in all things trans. I would highlight the science. I think a lot of people are just not understanding at all what this is about. They think its some sort of insanity or fetish. True this might MAKE you feel insane and nothing against people who are into fetishes reading this but.... I think you maybe get your sister in front of some material that talks about brain organization and hormones pre birth (and after) and just basic things like the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI) which among many other things give shrinks and therapists a read out where you stand on the Femininity/Masculinity Scale. Which btw was a blast of cold water in my face. Having a guy inform you that your are REALLY in touch with your Feminine side? Thanks... Now what? Talk about feeling exposed. Tell me something I don't know. Or? At least we can apply some science to this great discovery and maybe that is really what your sister needs to not try to convert you or debate you being you. Or maybe just ask her what she would do if she woke up as a guy? Could she just ignore it?
I so dearly wish there was some way to pump some cross hormone therapy estrogen or testosterone into the people screaming that its all XX XY and nothing else means anything. I think..... They would at least be a tiny bit more understanding. Actually isn't it the people with the least experience with anything like this that seem to speak the loudest?
I think this year might not be so bad. Seems like Sis has become a little more excepting of having a trans sibling. Can't judge her emotions from emails. I am feeling a little more hopeful that when she comes down we might be able to get along at least. Cool. :)
Dawn, I did send her your link to read through. Thanks!
Lisa
Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 20, 2018, 06:31:26 PM
I think this year might not be so bad. Seems like Sis has become a little more excepting of having a trans sibling. Can't judge her emotions from emails. I am feeling a little more hopeful that when she comes down we might be able to get along at least. Cool. :)
Lisa
Unfortunately it is extremely difficult to tell one's emotions or thought process just by reading words hearing them and the tone put behind them helps us determine they thought process however I do hope that it goes very well for you you only deserve the best and we have a hard enough time without our family is giving us more of a hard time
Quote from: Arianna Valentine on December 20, 2018, 06:32:46 PM
Unfortunately it is extremely difficult to tell one's emotions or thought process just by reading words hearing them and the tone put behind them helps us determine they thought process however I do hope that it goes very well for you you only deserve the best and we have a hard enough time without our family is giving us more of a hard time
Arianna, It's been a year since coming out to her and I hope she starts coming around. My family is very small. Since I'm not going to have kids and my brother is unsure and my sister is too old. It would be nice if the last couple of us could get along and be friends at least. Sis says she has some stuff for me so I am hopeful this means acceptance to some degree.
Lisa
Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 20, 2018, 07:20:38 PM
Arianna, It's been a year since coming out to her and I hope she starts coming around. My family is very small. Since I'm not going to have kids and my brother is unsure and my sister is too old. It would be nice if the last couple of us could get along and be friends at least. Sis says she has some stuff for me so I am hopeful this means acceptance to some degree.
Lisa
I hope so as well maybe she's bringing you clothes and stuff that she doesn't need any more that would be just wonderful besides who doesn't need more clothes and shoes and jackets and purses and makeup and hair care products you know what women just need more of everything simple rule of life we want it all LOL
Quote from: Arianna Valentine on December 20, 2018, 07:22:17 PM
I hope so as well maybe she's bringing you clothes and stuff that she doesn't need any more that would be just wonderful besides who doesn't need more clothes and shoes and jackets and purses and makeup and hair care products you know what women just need more of everything simple rule of life we want it all LOL
Well, I did ask her for a turbine engine once. ::) :D ;D :D
Lisa
Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 20, 2018, 11:11:04 PM
Well, I did ask her for a turbine engine once. ::) :D ;D :D
Lisa
Hey maybe she's bringing you a turbine engine you never know but I'm hoping that it is good whatever it is
Quote from: Arianna Valentine on December 20, 2018, 11:11:39 PM
Hey maybe she's bringing you a turbine engine you never know but I'm hoping that it is good whatever it is
Arianna, Search for Solar T62 turbine. 150 hp engine to cause a lot of trouble. ;D
Nah, she's bringing me clothes and some other stuff.
Lisa
Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 20, 2018, 11:15:54 PM
Arianna, Search for Solar T62 turbine. 150 hp engine to cause a lot of trouble. ;D
Nah, she's bringing me clothes and some other stuff.
Lisa
Well to me if you are presented with clothes and they are of a feminine variety did that show some form of acceptance at least in my eyes but that could just be me
To me it shows she excepts me for who I am. I've been out with her in en femme so she knows how serious I am about transitioning. That's when I got berated last year.
Lisa
Sis got sick with the novo virus so won't be down today. I'm feeling sad. :-\ I hope Danielle's visit with her family goes well. :)
Lisa
Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 25, 2018, 02:40:02 PM
Sis got sick with the novo virus so won't be down today. I'm feeling sad. :-\ I hope Danielle's visit with her family goes well. :)
Lisa
So sorry I do hope she gets better
§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§
Thank you Arianna.
Merry Christmas,
Lisa
Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 25, 2018, 02:40:02 PM
Sis got sick with the novo virus so won't be down today. I'm feeling sad. :-\ I hope Danielle's visit with her family goes well. :)
Lisa
I hope she feels better!
Chrissy
Just curious if your sister recovered and able to visit you?
deanna
She's better but hasn't come down yet. Still waiting. My wait reminds of a skeleton sitting at an abandoned train station still waiting for the train that hasn't come through in 30 years.
Lisa
Quote from: Lisa89125 on January 09, 2019, 11:54:55 PM
She's better but hasn't come down yet. Still waiting. My wait reminds of a skeleton sitting at an abandoned train station still waiting for the train that hasn't come through in 30 years.
Lisa
Sweetie the way I see it you need to get on with your life if she comes she comes if she doesn't she doesn't but you got to live your life for you not waiting for her
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