Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi! I'm now 40, and not sure if I'm male or female!

In any event, I was out and about today, noticing women who I was strongly drawn to admire. Yes, I was attracted to them, as I am attracted to women. In particular, traditionally feminine women. But I felt a certain inclination to BE them, as well.

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is, am I simply drawn to beauty, and want to embody it, regardless of gender, or am I actually trans AF, and I just want to be a pretty girl?

I should mention that I sometimes see young girls with pretty little boots and skirts, and I feel a certain longing ... Like I wish I'd had that experience. (These feelings are never sexual. I do not think about children that way, thank you very much!)

I've mentioned this in other posts, but I never felt like a girl when I was a kid. But now I do. Just before, and now at 40. Yes, I liked to wear my sister's dresses as a teen, and maybe that is telling.

I'm just wondering, for trans girls who like girls, how do I differentiate between attracted TO, and wanting to BE?

Thanks, in advance, for approaching this without judgement. <3

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I agree that it is hard to tease those two things apart.  If it is any help, you sound a lot like I did, and I am trans.

The fact that your longing is not sexual is telling.  So is the fact that you used to cross dress as a kid.

But to really sort it out, you should be talking to a gender therapist.  They will help you look for other clues, and help you to interpret them.

Thank you, Kathy! And I am talking to a therapist, currently, who works with gender issues. I'm just trying to put my experience in perspective with other experiences.

I would love it if I could just squarely say that I'm trans, and move forward. I second guess a lot. Especially due to the fact that I never really felt female until my adult life. That shouldn't matter, I know.

Thank you so much for you perspective. [emoji3531]

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Hi Madison_b, I'm very much the same as you in that I'm also very attracted to feminine women and the idea of being a very feminine woman, embodying everything that goes with it.
I also wish that I'd had the chance to have grown up as a girly girl.
I tried to live vicariously through my own two beautiful daughters but their mother(s) have decided to take them away from me entirely for purposes they will not explain. I can only surmise that it is purely to hurt me, and they've succeeded in that to some degree. I would never have done the same to them, but I am a far more compassionate woman than either of them. They can't handle me being more of a woman where it counts than they are.

I adore femininity in all her aspects and I truly believe that had I been born cis female that I would still be just as loving of women.
As far as men go, well, I do like being penetrated by them and the sexual power that comes with being attractive to them but not any of the aggressiveness or their disgusting misogynistic attitudes and callous treatment of women. They are so very foreign to me in that way.

I don't feel there is any conflict between my attraction to women and my desire to be one as well, except perhaps for the fact that I know that I can only ever be a feminised male and wholeheartedly wish I was born female. That said, my girlfriend's think I'm the best of both worlds and love having me in their lives too, which wouldn't be the case if I were cis female at all.
There's consolation to be had in that.

Happy New year!
Chaerlie. Xx

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Oh, Chaerlie! I'm certain that your daughters do not want to hurt you! How old are they, honey?

I'm in a relationship of five years with a straight woman who would end if with me if I was to determine that I beyond the shadow of a doubt, female. I have not yet done so. I also have a daughter, and a son. I love them both, so, so much. My daughter is not a girly girl, and I'm not sure that, at 11, she'd understand where I'm at. Maybe she'd surprise me. My son is a very sensitive 13-year-old boy who, were he to walk downstairs right now (I've decided to present female, now that they've gone to bed, and my partner is at work.) he'd be confused, but he'd come around.

The mother of your daughters may be hurt because she thought you were a man, but you're a woman. My partner feels similarly, but holds some hope that I'm a man. So do I, in that it would be easier, for sure.

Your daughters are only clinging to what their mother says. (Don't we all?!)

As men go, I don't feel that all are disgusting or misogynistic or callous. Hell, I might be one of them, and I hope to God I'm none of those things.

I sincerely hope you can be with your daughters again. It's heartbreaking to think otherwise.

Sweetheart, you've been hurt, badly, but please open you heart to the fact that this is hard for everyone, and that you need to let your ex- know that this is real and true for you to see your daughters. My heart hurts for you, love.

XOXO,
Maddie

Moving forward ... here I sit, in stockings, a skirt, makeup, a bra, and a wig (I'm mostly bald.). This is not what I routinely do. Well, I should qualify that my partner is only recently working nights, so there you are. When the cat is away ...

Looking down at my legs and my skirt, I feel a certain ease come over me. Feel the hair fall over the sides of my face, the same. I know these things are female only because society says so, but these are things that are ONLY for women, by and large, as is the bra, that feels therapeutic around my chest.

Look, if I was reading all of this, I'd say, "Girl, you live the way you know you should ... rock those stockings and DANCE!" Being me? I know that my girlfriend is coming home in a few hours. I know I'll have my makeup wiped up by then. I know she'd leave me if I was to embrace that I am female.

But is it really that I AM female, or a man with preferences that exceed the boundaries of what we're told is right? DAMNIT, I like the feel of my feet with my hand in these stockings, but what if it's all a fantasy?

The reality of this is not lost of me. I'm writing this, knowing what you'll think, and I understand. I'm in denial, right?

And perhaps it is. Perhaps I'm in denial of the fact that I am a woman. Or, perhaps, I'm running from something, as I always do when confronted with danger, and I'm running to a safe place of changing everything in my life (smh). That is entirely possible.

Please, if you have had similar feelings, tell me about them.

I'm 44 and mtf bi. For me its one in the same. I like having a feminine body, and I also appreciate  a beautiful woman (bit more than a handsome man). So Its pretty simple. Your gender identity has nothing to do with your sexual preference. Time helps a bit in that you become comfortable in your body and its no longer an issue. I'm rather lucky that my girl friend is strongly drawn to the fact I'm neither one gender or the other so its no issue for her either.

Thanks, hon. [emoji8]

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I can't remember that I ever had the desire to be a girl, I always wanted to be a guy, but because of my biology, I was always more girl than guy, and I never could achieve the guy roll fully.  Later in my life, the girl inside me wanted to come out finally, and I am a woman now.
Age has nothing to do with being trans, some make this discovery earlier, others do it later!

I wish you good luck on your path to become a woman!  I like it, it set's me finally free!  I do not have to pretend to be somebody who I never was!

That sounds WONDERFUL. Thanks, love!

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Quote from: madison_b on December 30, 2018, 09:33:18 PM
DAMNIT, I like the feel of my feet with my hand in these stockings, but what if it's all a fantasy?

The reality of this is not lost of me. I'm writing this, knowing what you'll think, and I understand. I'm in denial, right?

...

Please, if you have had similar feelings, tell me about them.

Madison, it is not a fantasy.  You really DO like the stockings!

I am not being flippant.  When the doubt monster strikes, you have to hold onto what you know is real.  And what is real is that you do like these things.  What is real is that you do wish you were a woman.  What is real is that these feelings will not go away.

I lived with the doubt monster for 30 years, from my first thought of maybe being trans, in my 30s, until I decided to do something about it, in my early 60s.  I spent that long with the monster because I didn't look clearly at what was real and what was not.

What was real for me was that I wished I was a woman.  I liked to dress as a woman, and that was not a sexual fetish.  What was real was that I had always, as far back as I could remember, been drawn to being feminine, to feminine interests and feminine styles, not as someone I wanted to be with, but as someone that I wanted to be.  What was real was that these feelings were clearly not going to go away; if anything they were getting stronger.  What was real was that resisting them was making me miserable and angry.  And what was real was that I internalize my anger, rather than expressing it outwardly, so my anger would eventually lead to my demise.

All these things I could see clearly, regardless of whether I was trans or not.  And together, they painted a clear picture that (a) I was almost certainly trans, and (b) I needed to do something about it.  Note that none of these things depended on resolving the question "Am I a woman?"  These were all things that I could see regardless of the answer to that question.

Granted I took 30 years to come to this conclusion.  It is pretty easy when you take that much time.  I don't recommend that you follow my path.  But hopefully, you can see my thought process through it, and maybe that will help you.

I still have a hard time answering the question "Am I a woman?"  Because honestly no one feels like a man or a woman, because no one has anything to compare their feelings to.  I know intellectually that I am a woman, but it doesn't feel like anything.  Everyone just feels like themselves.  I don't really feel any different than I did before.  I still feel like me, only happier. 

Wow, thank you so much, Kathy. I'm going to be revisiting your words again and again. Especially that last paragraph. I truly appreciate the time and care you put into sharing with me. [emoji3531]

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Quote from: madison_b on December 30, 2018, 07:29:00 PM
Hi! I'm now 40, and not sure if I'm male or female!

In any event, I was out and about today, noticing women who I was strongly drawn to admire. Yes, I was attracted to them, as I am attracted to women. In particular, traditionally feminine women. But I felt a certain inclination to BE them, as well.

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is, am I simply drawn to beauty, and want to embody it, regardless of gender, or am I actually trans AF, and I just want to be a pretty girl?

I should mention that I sometimes see young girls with pretty little boots and skirts, and I feel a certain longing ... Like I wish I'd had that experience. (These feelings are never sexual. I do not think about children that way, thank you very much!)

I've mentioned this in other posts, but I never felt like a girl when I was a kid. But now I do. Just before, and now at 40. Yes, I liked to wear my sister's dresses as a teen, and maybe that is telling.

I'm just wondering, for trans girls who like girls, how do I differentiate between attracted TO, and wanting to BE?

Thanks, in advance, for approaching this without judgement. <3

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Hello Madison

First of all let me say that I agree wholeheartedly with 2 earlier respondees:

Kathy who states it is hard to tease apart the attraction to women and the desire to be a woman; indeed for many of us they be connected and

Kelly who states that Gender identity and Sexual Orientation are two separate subjects which the medical profession now reiterates aswell.

Purely by coincidence I have made a comment on another thread which I had initiated on this Board "For Asexual or Mainly Asexual Transgender Members" about there not necessarily being a "competition" but instead a "unison" between your two mentioned thoughts and I copy below.

"I am inclined to believe that not only is there a "competition" going on in our minds between our trans status and the hope (especially when we are young) of finding the perfect attractive romantic female partner but also an element of the two being "in unison" in that we may to a large degree find "the one" as perfect attractive and romantic as really our main objective is to be like her (but as that is impossible, we pursue and perhaps end up in a sexual relationship which we may enjoy or which we may be indifferent to)."

I initiated the other thread to determine a possible connection between being transgender and being mainly asexual but just in December so many interesting aspects have been added to the discussion thanks to so many respondees. You may wish to read the long thread or just read comments in December.

Finally I confirm that if you are likely or definitely trans, these feelings never go away but must be explored. I "knew" I was trans and told my grandmother aged 4 and crossdressed and bodyshaved all my adult life but buried and suppressed till it became so dominant. In 2017 I sought therapy aged 62 and now I am 11 months HRT and will publicly transition in 2019.

I wish you every success in finding your true self but suspect you are almost certainly trans, followed by happiness.

Hugs

Pamela

Thank you for the support and wisdom, Pamela! I'll be sure to read the rest of the thread!

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Interesting topic, which has also been part of my experience to some extent. Thanks for the thoughtful replies :-) I think I have mostly got over this issue now though, but it's useful to read people's thoughts on it. When I was a teen/young adult I did want to find a feminine woman to have a perfect romantic fusional relationship with, but never did. I also always liked being feminine myself. I wonder if that thing of looking for the perfect romantic happiness with a woman was partly a cultural thing though, ie. what society/films etc. are telling you you should be looking for.

I do like women's company though, and being close to them. Sexually, I am attracted to feminine women sometimes, but don't want to act 'like a man' with them and am not bothered much about penetrative sex. I used to sometimes feel I wanted it, but think it was maybe partly a hormonal thing haven't really for years and never fantasize about it. If I fantasize I think of myself as a woman with a man. But my attempts to find the right person never worked anyway, as women I liked wanted to be friends and I never tried with men as I don't want to be treated as a gay/bi man and don't pass as female. Anyway, my conclusion is I should get on with my transition, and I may end up as a bi woman, or might be a mostly straight one and enjoy expressing femininity myself (which I suppress a bit in my day to day role at the moment as otherwise I would seem 'too feminine' for a man, which most people take me as being), and in my friendships with women (I only really have one male friend and he's bi and a bit androgynous  :D I don't have anything against men, just don't seem to connect as well with them  :-\ ).

Quote from: KathyLauren on December 31, 2018, 07:55:22 AM
I still have a hard time answering the question "Am I a woman?"  Because honestly no one feels like a man or a woman, because no one has anything to compare their feelings to.  I know intellectually that I am a woman, but it doesn't feel like anything.  Everyone just feels like themselves.  I don't really feel any different than I did before.  I still feel like me, only happier. 

Wow Kathy,
I think that is probably one of the best insights to what is the hardest thing to reconcile "am I a woman?", because as you say I just feel like myself and I don't have anything else to compare it to, when I dress in female cloths I still feel like me, just more at ease and possibly happier.

And Madison,
I also like the feeling of wearing stockings, but to be honest I also feel comfortable in anything that is not male clothing and I am just as happy wearing women's jeans and nice top as anything traditionally seen as feminine.

As far as the attracted TO and want to BE, I have always been attracted to women who are not traditionally feminine or girly and when I see traditionally feminine women I tend to be far more interested in what it is that gives them that feminine look and whether I can have, or emulate, that quality. So for me I think that sometimes, in my head, I have tried be the feminine woman in a relationship and see my girlfriends as a "boyfriend", not that I ever expressed it like this when I was younger, this is really me now rationalising what was going on. I did also have a number of relationships where I really just wanted to be friends, I suppose have a girl who was my BFF, but as you may imagine this never really ended well.

But I also know what you mean when you say that get a sense of longing for a childhood you never had, I do remember, as a child, explaining to my mother how unfair it was that girls could were dresses and trousers but boys could only wear trousers, but then saying no when she asked me if I wanted to wear a dress - because of guilt. The guilt, however, didn't stop me secretly trying on her things when I was alone.

But I also have doubts, I am not out, and while I know what makes me happy in myself, I have doubts because I can't easily answer that question am I a woman? I doubt that I would make a very good woman and fear being branded as just a "man in a dress".  I also know what might make me happier would probably make my family very unhappy, I have a wife and two sons, so I also feel that any public expression would be a very selfish act.

I hope this makes some kind of sense and sorry for rambling on.

Love,

Izzy

Thank you for your openness, Liv and Izzy. I have a similar family situation, Izzy. I'm in a relationship with a woman ... Five years now. We each have two kids from previous relationships. I know she wouldn't stay with me if I embraced being a woman completely; she had said as much. I love her a lot, and she loves me.

What Kathy said about being female, or not, really impacted me. Of course, it makes sense, as we don't have a point of comparison. We know what makes us feel happy and comfortable. Thankfully, I've got a great therapist I'm working with. (I do, however, wish there was a blood test or something to detect transness!)

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Quote from: madison_b on December 31, 2018, 11:05:09 AM
Thank you for your openness, Liv and Izzy. I have a similar family situation, Izzy. I'm in a relationship with a woman ... Five years now. We each have two kids from previous relationships. I know she wouldn't stay with me if I embraced being a woman completely; she had said as much. I love her a lot, and she loves me.

What Kathy said about being female, or not, really impacted me. Of course, it makes sense, as we don't have a point of comparison. We know what makes us feel happy and comfortable. Thankfully, I've got a great therapist I'm working with. (I do, however, wish there was a blood test or something to detect transness!)

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They can do certain versions of brain scans to detect transgender orientation in the brain.  But you might have to go to a research university for this.

Quote from: Dietlind on December 31, 2018, 11:12:16 AM
They can do certain versions of brain scans to detect transgender orientation in the brain.  But you might have to go to a research university for this.

I've read about that! Is that technology available outside of studies? I mean, ultimately, we should simply do what makes us happy, but I wouldn't say no to scientific proof that I'm a woman. It would take away some of the guilt of disrupting other people's lives.

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Quote from: madison_b on December 31, 2018, 11:14:46 AM
I've read about that! Is that technology available outside of studies? I mean, ultimately, we should simply do what makes us happy, but I wouldn't say no to scientific proof that I'm a woman. It would take away some of the guilt of disrupting other people's lives.

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You would have to check with your nearest research university which is doing neurological stuff in their medical department.  They might want to accept you as a test subject (like I am doing for the global genome study and the national lung screening study)

Great idea!

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Well, my girlfriend is moving out. Not for gender reasons so much as our awful fighting. I've never fought with anyone the way I fight with her. I love her deeply, but it's terrible. Last night, I called the police because she was hitting me. I didn't think I was in danger, but I needed it to deescalate.

So, I am heartbroken, but now I can feel truly free to explore. Thanks, angels.

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Quote from: madison_b on December 31, 2018, 11:14:46 AM
I've read about that! Is that technology available outside of studies? I mean, ultimately, we should simply do what makes us happy, but I wouldn't say no to scientific proof that I'm a woman. It would take away some of the guilt of disrupting other people's lives.

Madison, I completely understand our desire for certainty, but I have to caution that the tests that can be done on a living subject will not provide certainty.  The test that can be done typically involve a Functional Magnet Resonance Imaging (fMRI) system to measure activity in areas of the brain. 

There are over ten distinct regions of the brain that are sexually dimorphic, that is, regions that show measurable differences between normative male and female persons.  That said, there is overlap between the appearances of these regions between male and female persons.  Further, only about 6% of the population will show all regions with the normative appearance for a specific gender.  Most folks are a blend!  The 'binary' we experience is a cultural artifact.

There are some pinpoint locations that appear to correlate strongly with gender identity, but they require dissection and staining of brain tissue to be examined.  This is not appropriate for a living patient.

Quote from: madison_b on January 02, 2019, 04:14:34 PM
Well, my girlfriend is moving out. Not for gender reasons so much as our awful fighting. I've never fought with anyone the way I fight with her. I love her deeply, but it's terrible. Last night, I called the police because she was hitting me. I didn't think I was in danger, but I needed it to deescalate.

So, I am heartbroken, but now I can feel truly free to explore. Thanks, angels.

While I am sorry for your heartbreak, no person, whether cis or trans, should be subjected to abuse.  While one may still be tangled up in that emotional state of love, that should never excuse or allow toleration of abuse, especially violence towards oneself.

No person 'deserves' violence. 

I am late to your thread Madison. I am so sorry that things didn't work out with your girlfriend. Break ups are very hard. I would imagine that for a while your thoughts will surround the pain of this parting. I hope you can eventually come to a place where you are ready to find answers to your gender questions again. As I may not be around at that time, I will offer a bit of advice that helped me. If you don't have any answers, get more information. Go out into the world in a safe manner (out of town?) and find out how it makes you feel to be regarded as female. I struggled as you did, back and forth in my thinking. I was not able to clearly tell what was 'want to be female' versus 'want to be with a female.' When I went out and people thought I was female, I knew I was trans and was a transitioner because I loved it. It might be a piece of information that might help you. Therapists help, but there is no replacement for actual experience. Your journey is a highly individual thing. I would urge you to face it and not run. I feel like I need to put a disclaimer out on one thing. Gender identity and orientation are separate things. Sometimes they are affected by one another in unexpected ways. Keep your mind open. Find your truth.

Quote from: Michelle_P on January 02, 2019, 05:57:12 PM
Madison, I completely understand our desire for certainty, but I have to caution that the tests that can be done on a living subject will not provide certainty.  The test that can be done typically involve a Functional Magnet Resonance Imaging (fMRI) system to measure activity in areas of the brain. 

There are over ten distinct regions of the brain that are sexually dimorphic, that is, regions that show measurable differences between normative male and female persons.  That said, there is overlap between the appearances of these regions between male and female persons.  Further, only about 6% of the population will show all regions with the normative appearance for a specific gender.  Most folks are a blend!  The 'binary' we experience is a cultural artifact.

There are some pinpoint locations that appear to correlate strongly with gender identity, but they require dissection and staining of brain tissue to be examined.  This is not appropriate for a living patient.

While I am sorry for your heartbreak, no person, whether cis or trans, should be subjected to abuse.  While one may still be tangled up in that emotional state of love, that should never excuse or allow toleration of abuse, especially violence towards oneself.

No person 'deserves' violence.

I really appreciate your insight and empathy, Michelle. I suppose anything as attractive as certainly in most pursuits comes at a cost.

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And by that I mean a high, questionable cost, like you described. Really, we should do what brings us joy, and not question it if it's not causing harm, right? I appreciate how you talked about the construct of binary.

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Thank you, Moni! I totally agree that there is no substitute for experience. I think, now that I've got nothing to lose, I'll express myself as female more publicly. I've done that once before (besides presenting female at school for Halloween ... I'm a teacher ... No one knew that it carried special importance and meaning for me!), and it's time I tried again.

My therapist told me she is starting a group for transgender individuals, and I'm eager to join, and I've found some local Meetup groups that would be appropriate for exploration.

You know what? I was planning to go to the Philly art museum this weekend to see an exhibit on fashion through the ages ... What if I left Matt at home and just took Maddie?! I can't imagine a better environment!

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Madison,

I am in a similar predicament, of course, I don't know what you will discover for yourself, but I feel for your situation.  For me, it required lots of time to myself to think and feel, and look back at the past, and consider what I wanted in my future.  Be gentle with yourself.  Make sure you have support in place if you discover you need transition and your  kids are a wild card.  Make sure you have the support BEFORE you tell them :D  Even scheduling family counseling beforehand.  Hindsight :D

In particular, I was struck my Pamela's response, and have first hand experience with limerent obsession for women.  My confusion over being both physically attracted to women while feeling envious of them was a huge conflict for me. In fact, what finally broke though my resistance of accepting I am transgender was falling in love with one of those teen kids in a mini skirt.  After six months of a torturous, surreal poetic  obsession (and guilt, I am married and in my forties) I finally realized the truth for me.  She was almost exactly like me at her age, the age where I put up a brutal wall of denial.  Even her face structure, nose, eye color, hair, and build were similar(eerily like my Mom as well, but that is another whole set of issues).  I literally, HAD fallen in love with the me that should have been.  What is really bizarre, is the moment I saw that clearly and accepted it, my interest in her disappeared completely. Like magic.  I still see her all the time.  I like her.  She is a funky artistic kid.  That painful, obsessive love feeling is just a weird memory.  Now I have a new name for that crawling, obsessive feeling: Gender dysphoria.  Not having an object to pin it on as a something to have, makes me finally embrace being.  No choice really :D.  It feels very much like that teen girl inside has a gun pointed to my back saying "MARCH or I shoot".

So onward I go, trying to enjoy this very unexpected journey. Everyone's experience is different, and in my case feelings of longing to be a girl go back to when I was 6 or 7 (as does my first limerent obsession).  Thank you for sharing your experience and willingness to just explore this question. 

All the best,

Jael

Quote from: pamelatransuk on December 31, 2018, 08:48:02 AM
...there not necessarily being a "competition" but instead a "unison" between your two mentioned thoughts and I copy below.

"I am inclined to believe that not only is there a "competition" going on in our minds between our trans status and the hope (especially when we are young) of finding the perfect attractive romantic female partner but also an element of the two being "in unison" in that we may to a large degree find "the one" as perfect attractive and romantic as really our main objective is to be like her (but as that is impossible, we pursue and perhaps end up in a sexual relationship which we may enjoy or which we may be indifferent to)."

Oh Jael, thank you for your vulnerability. I teach kindergarteners and first graders, and sometimes I envy they're little Ugg boots and how girls interact. I miss being dressed like a little girl, and interacting as a girl. Thank you again.

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Quote from: madison_b on January 02, 2019, 07:23:03 PM
Thank you, Moni! I totally agree that there is no substitute for experience. I think, now that I've got nothing to lose, I'll express myself as female more publicly. I've done that once before (besides presenting female at school for Halloween ... I'm a teacher ... No one knew that it carried special importance and meaning for me!), and it's time I tried again.

My therapist told me she is starting a group for transgender individuals, and I'm eager to join, and I've found some local Meetup groups that would be appropriate for exploration.

You know what? I was planning to go to the Philly art museum this weekend to see an exhibit on fashion through the ages ... What if I left Matt at home and just took Maddie?! I can't imagine a better environment!

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Maddie,
   If you are within driving distance of Philly you might consider going to a trans conference. Not sure when the Philly one is, but I know the Keystone Conference is in March (20th through 24 in Harrisburg). Google it, it is amazing to be surrounded by a whole bunch of trans folks, folks who understand. They have educational experiences and social events as well. I am thinking of going again this year. I think your idea is excellent. If your avatar is you, you look to present female very well. That will make things easier for you.
   When you spoke of being hit, I didn't say it before, but I'm glad you are getting away from that.

   I am in the school system as well. It is actually a good place for being trans usually, if it comes to that. I got a lot of support. I have a teacher friend who also had good support.
   I am glad to hear of your eagerness to explore. It is very positive.
Moni

Oh wow, yes, Harrisburg is easy for me to get to, and yes that is me and you are very kind! Please let me know and specifics! Thank you thank you thank you!

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(I am swooning over being told I present female well!)

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I just looked into the conference! Thank you!

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Wow, this is me on so many levels. Thanks for posting that.

Quote from: Jeal on January 02, 2019, 09:20:16 PM
My confusion over being both physically attracted to women while feeling envious of them was a huge conflict for me. In fact, what finally broke though my resistance of accepting I am transgender was falling in love with one of those teen kids in a mini skirt.  After six months of a torturous, surreal poetic  obsession (and guilt, I am married and 44) I finally realized the truth for me.  She was almost exactly like me at her age, the age where I put up a brutal wall of denial.  Even her face structure, nose, eye color, hair, and build were similar(eerily like my Mom as well, but that is another whole set of issues).  I literally, HAD fallen in love with the me that should have been.  What is really bizarre, is the moment I saw that clearly and accepted it, my interest in her disappeared completely.

Quote from: Michelle_P on January 02, 2019, 05:57:12 PM
There are over ten distinct regions of the brain that are sexually dimorphic, that is, regions that show measurable differences here are some pinpoint locations that appear to correlate strongly with gender identity, but they require dissection and staining of brain tissue to be examined.  This is not appropriate for a living patient.

I have to agree, that would be takings things a bit far!!  And you confirm what I also thought, that there is no 100% accurate way to identify a "female" or "male" brain. AFAIK there's no physical examination that can tell you you're trans, it's down to us to work it out. But I've also had quite a bit of conflict and confusion about it. I think though it's partly due to fear and to other people's transphobia. I knew the first time I was with other people dressed as a woman, when I was 20, that it felt right and happy, and should have just gone with that and not complicated my life.

Sorry about what you are going through with your girlfriend Madison. I hope things all work out for you x

Quote from: madison_b on January 02, 2019, 09:31:26 PM
Oh wow, yes, Harrisburg is easy for me to get to, and yes that is me and you are very kind! Please let me know and specifics! Thank you thank you thank you!

Sent from my moto g(6) using Tapatalk

The list of presentations should be out soon. Registration will start within the next few weeks. If I go it would be on the weekend. Maybe I'll see you there. It's much more intimate, might be the right word, then the one I went to in Philly. The whole hotel is basically trans, so it is a very comfortable space for shy folk. You can opt for lunch and dinner with dance if you like.
Warmly,
Moni

Quote from: madison_b on January 02, 2019, 04:14:34 PM
Well, my girlfriend is moving out. Not for gender reasons so much as our awful fighting. I've never fought with anyone the way I fight with her. I love her deeply, but it's terrible. Last night, I called the police because she was hitting me. I didn't think I was in danger, but I needed it to deescalate.

So, I am heartbroken, but now I can feel truly free to explore. Thanks, angels.

Sent from my moto g(6) using Tapatalk

Hello again Madison

I am sorry to read both about the abuse which you should never have to suffer, and of your girlfriend leaving.

It takes time to get over a relationship and I feel for you.

At least as you say, you will be able to explore your potential trans status when you are ready.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: Jeal on January 02, 2019, 09:20:16 PM
Madison,

In particular, I was struck my Pamela's response, and have first hand experience with limerent obsession for women.  My confusion over being both physically attracted to women while feeling envious of them was a huge conflict for me. In fact, what finally broke though my resistance of accepting I am transgender was falling in love with one of those teen kids in a mini skirt.  After six months of a torturous, surreal poetic  obsession (and guilt, I am married and in my forties) I finally realized the truth for me.  She was almost exactly like me at her age, the age where I put up a brutal wall of denial.  Even her face structure, nose, eye color, hair, and build were similar(eerily like my Mom as well, but that is another whole set of issues).  I literally, HAD fallen in love with the me that should have been.  What is really bizarre, is the moment I saw that clearly and accepted it, my interest in her disappeared completely. Like magic.  I still see her all the time.  I like her.  She is a funky artistic kid.  That painful, obsessive love feeling is just a weird memory.  Now I have a new name for that crawling, obsessive feeling: Gender dysphoria.  Not having an object to pin it on as a something to have, makes me finally embrace being.  No choice really :D.  It feels very much like that teen girl inside has a gun pointed to my back saying "MARCH or I shoot".

So onward I go, trying to enjoy this very unexpected journey. Everyone's experience is different, and in my case feelings of longing to be a girl go back to when I was 6 or 7 (as does my first limerent obsession).  Thank you for sharing your experience and willingness to just explore this question. 

All the best,

Jael

Hello Jael

Well yours is quite some post for a firsttime poster! Welcome to Susans; this is a wonderful informative website with so many kind understanding and helpful members on so many forums. An official greeter will be here to welcome you soon.

Thank you for your comments highlighted which were in response to my earlier comment which I had copied from my thread "For Asexual or Mainly Asexual Transgender Members Please" and therefore I am copying your response to that thread also.

You may wish to read either the long thread or perhaps just the December and January comments therein; it started as a "mainly asexual" thread but expanded to wider subjects!

Once again thank you and Welcome to Susans.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: Jeal on January 02, 2019, 09:20:16 PM
Madison,

I am in a similar predicament, of course, I don't know what you will discover for yourself, but I feel for your situation.  For me, it required lots of time to myself to think and feel, and look back at the past, and consider what I wanted in my future.  Be gentle with yourself.  Make sure you have support in place if you discover you need transition and your  kids are a wild card.  Make sure you have the support BEFORE you tell them :D  Even scheduling family counseling beforehand.  Hindsight :D

In particular, I was struck my Pamela's response, and have first hand experience with limerent obsession for women.  My confusion over being both physically attracted to women while feeling envious of them was a huge conflict for me. In fact, what finally broke though my resistance of accepting I am transgender was falling in love with one of those teen kids in a mini skirt.  After six months of a torturous, surreal poetic  obsession (and guilt, I am married and in my forties) I finally realized the truth for me.  She was almost exactly like me at her age, the age where I put up a brutal wall of denial.  Even her face structure, nose, eye color, hair, and build were similar(eerily like my Mom as well, but that is another whole set of issues).  I literally, HAD fallen in love with the me that should have been.  What is really bizarre, is the moment I saw that clearly and accepted it, my interest in her disappeared completely. Like magic.  I still see her all the time.  I like her.  She is a funky artistic kid.  That painful, obsessive love feeling is just a weird memory.  Now I have a new name for that crawling, obsessive feeling: Gender dysphoria.  Not having an object to pin it on as a something to have, makes me finally embrace being.  No choice really :D.  It feels very much like that teen girl inside has a gun pointed to my back saying "MARCH or I shoot".

So onward I go, trying to enjoy this very unexpected journey. Everyone's experience is different, and in my case feelings of longing to be a girl go back to when I was 6 or 7 (as does my first limerent obsession).  Thank you for sharing your experience and willingness to just explore this question. 

All the best,

Jael

Hi, Jeal!

Welcome to Susan's Place.

Thank you for sharing your experience.  You bring an interesting and valuable perspective to the discussion.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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Quote from: amandam on January 02, 2019, 09:47:59 PM
Wow, this is me on so many levels. Thanks for posting that.

Hello again Amandam

Nice to see you posting again. I have followed your personal thread for 18 months and commented on it several times, you may recall. Happy New Year to you.

My advice to Jael also applies to you. You may wish to read the long thread "For Asexual or Mainly Asexual Transgender Members Please" or you just the December and January comments therein.

Hugs

Pamela

Thanks Pamela and Kathy,

I will do as you suggest!  I appreciate the welcome.

warmly,

Jael

Quote from: madison_b on December 30, 2018, 07:29:00 PM

I'm just wondering, for trans girls who like girls, how do I differentiate between attracted TO, and wanting to BE?

That is very good question.
I've been here on this forum quite while and I came here as cross-dresser with same question in my mind.

I'm over 50 and taking this issue quite slowly, but lately I've been just trying to be Me.
As it looks that there are days when I feel more female and other days when I'm male.
Currently I think I'm non-binary, gender-fluid and more or less I try to express myself as androgynous.

Some days I might wear skirts with some rock/metal hoodies/t-shirts to just confuse people :D