Hi everyone. This thread is about receiving affirming signs you pass. I realize that some people may have a harder time with this than others, or haven't transitioned yet, but I'll share something cool that happened to me about 2 months ago.
There's a convenient store near where I live. I usually go there each night to get a candy bar and soda. One particular night I was in there making a purchase and unaware that the money on my gift card was run out. I was in a bit of a pickle as the cashier was asking me for money but I forgot that too.
I told the cashier I will just leave the things there and ask my dad who was in the parking lot for some money. The guy who was waiting behind me said "I'll pay for her." In utmost gratitude my response was "You will!?"
Anyway, this person probably had no idea what that meant to me. He may have only seen it as a simple gesture, but my spirit was lifted. He really did save me there.
I suppose I should take it as an affirmation that I am actually seen as a girl even though most times I may not feel like it simply because I am transgender and people have not always treated me well for it.
This was just something that happened to me, but if anyone else would like to share an affirming moment they may have experienced along their journey however big or small, you're more than welcome to.
That was nice! :)
Chrissy
Earlier this week at a staff meeting a colleague came and said she wanted to compliment me. I said thanks.. .how so? Her Daughters had seen me at a cafe in the holidays and told her that had they not known I was trans they would never have guessed. That was rather affirming!
Quote from: krobinson103 on February 06, 2019, 09:41:04 PM
Earlier this week at a staff meeting a colleague came and said she wanted to compliment me. I said thanks.. .how so? Her Daughters had seen me at a cafe in the holidays and told her that had they not known I was trans they would never have guessed. That was rather affirming!
@krobinson103 I just read about that on your latest post on your personal thread....... WOW, things like that are so confidence building and self-affirming.
Thank you for your post and sharing your happy experience in passing.
Hugs,
Danielle
A few days ago I was walking from the lunch room heading back up to my desk and there was a guy that held the door for me for all four doors. He happened to be going the same way but he made a point of staying ahead (I let him because it was sweet) and getting the door each time. When we got up to the floor where we work he had this strut as he was walking down the hall. I figure he must have liked the view but it was very affirming for me.
Quote from: NatalieRene on February 06, 2019, 09:58:37 PM
A few days ago I was walking from the lunch room heading back up to my desk and there was a guy that held the door for me for all four doors. He happened to be going the same way but he made a point of staying ahead (I let him because it was sweet) and getting the door each time. When we got up to the floor where we work he had this strut as he was walking down the hall. I figure he must have liked the view but it was very affirming for me.
Natalie,
That was nice.
Chrissy
Hello Cosmicjoke
I am mainly in the closet but publicly transitioning later this year.
Recently on the same day I received TWO phone calls and although I only spoke a few words, on BOTH occasions they said "Thank you Mrs ------". I felt great!
Hugs
Pamela
One of my greatest moments in life came the first time I was outside presenting femme during daytime. The occasion was that I was experiencing a major identity crisis and needed to see a gender therapist. This was my first appointment, and I was as nervous as one can possibly be, with nausea, shortness of breath and muscles that were super-tense. When I arrived at the clinic (which also serves as a clinic for general practicioners), I grabbed the first parking space I could see. However, I didn't notice that there was another car which was trying to back up into that same parking space. The woman who drove the car came out and ranted at me. This was like the worst thing that could have happened. I was feeling so extremely vulnerable and insecure and it was the first time I had to speak to another person while presenting female. I stuttered out an apology and said I didn't see her, then I hurried inside. She seemed a bit unhinged, and I didn't want to stay there with her, suffering her abuse.
After my appointment, I went outside again and found one of my windshield wipers broken. A note was attached to it, whereupon "<edited> Bitch!!!" was written.
I don't think anyone in the world have ever been as happy having their wiper broken and being called a bitch, but I kept that note and cherish it to this day! :D
<edit by moderator>
Quote from: pamelatransuk on February 07, 2019, 05:08:23 AM
Hello Cosmicjoke
I am mainly in the closet but publicly transitioning later this year.
Recently on the same day I received TWO phone calls and although I only spoke a few words, on BOTH occasions they said "Thank you Mrs ------". I felt great!
Hugs
Pamela
That is great. Have you done voice training or it just happened?
Quote from: Mathea on February 07, 2019, 06:58:04 AM
One of my greatest moments in life came the first time I was outside presenting femme during daytime. The occasion was that I was experiencing a major identity crisis and needed to see a gender therapist. This was my first appointment, and I was as nervous as one can possibly be, with nausea, shortness of breath and muscles that were super-tense. When I arrived at the clinic (which also serves as a clinic for general practicioners), I grabbed the first parking space I could see. However, I didn't notice that there was another car which was trying to back up into that same parking space. The woman who drove the car came out and ranted at me. This was like the worst thing that could have happened. I was feeling so extremely vulnerable and insecure and it was the first time I had to speak to another person while presenting female. I stuttered out an apology and said I didn't see her, then I hurried inside. She seemed a bit unhinged, and I didn't want to stay there with her, suffering her abuse.
After my appointment, I went outside again and found one of my windshield wipers broken. A note was attached to it, whereupon "<edited> Bitch!!!" was written.
I don't think anyone in the world have ever been as happy having their wiper broken and being called a bitch, but I kept that note and cherish it to this day! :D
That's great. One of the few times property damage is actually good.
EDIT: Reading this after I posted it I realize that the way that it's worded makes it sound like I like property damage. I just want to clarify: breaking your windshield wiper is not a nice thing to do. I want to say that if it made you feel better than it's a net gain.
CosmicJoke,
Nice story and that was very nice of that gentleman.
Quote from: Mathea on February 07, 2019, 06:58:04 AM
One of my greatest moments in life came the first time I was outside presenting femme during daytime. The occasion was that I was experiencing a major identity crisis and needed to see a gender therapist. This was my first appointment, and I was as nervous as one can possibly be, with nausea, shortness of breath and muscles that were super-tense. When I arrived at the clinic (which also serves as a clinic for general practicioners), I grabbed the first parking space I could see. However, I didn't notice that there was another car which was trying to back up into that same parking space. The woman who drove the car came out and ranted at me. This was like the worst thing that could have happened. I was feeling so extremely vulnerable and insecure and it was the first time I had to speak to another person while presenting female. I stuttered out an apology and said I didn't see her, then I hurried inside. She seemed a bit unhinged, and I didn't want to stay there with her, suffering her abuse.
After my appointment, I went outside again and found one of my windshield wipers broken. A note was attached to it, whereupon "<edited> Bitch!!!" was written.
I don't think anyone in the world have ever been as happy having their wiper broken and being called a bitch, but I kept that note and cherish it to this day! :D
LMAO
When another woman talks with you about her periods and pregnancy you are passing ....
Quote from: Patty_M on February 07, 2019, 03:01:51 PM
When another woman talks with you about her periods and pregnancy you are passing ....
@Patty_M Dear Patty:Yes indeed, I have had many conversations like that with cis-women that I have just met at places like my Book Club and also when I attend Baby Showers and Wedding Showers. One time at a Baby Shower there was one lady there that asked me if I had any children and if I wanted to get pregnant again. Strange question coming from a stranger but so very affirming for sure.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts...
Hugs,
Danielle
I have a cisgender friend that I share complex information about transitioning, gender dysphoria, and gender euphoria with, and she still forgets I'm trans from time to time. It's very affirming for me, as I know she'd never lie to me about that.
Also, since getting top surgery, I can't think of a single time I've been misgendered in person. I've been "clocked" a few times by well-meaning cis people, usually pointing out that I can use whatever restroom/locker room "makes (me) comfortable," but I don't mind being visibly trans if I'm visibly accepted. I still pass more often than not, and that's all I can really ask for.
A panhandler on the street called me young miss a few minutes ago. Can I count that? 😀
Quote from: randim on February 07, 2019, 04:11:49 PM
A panhandlers on the street called me young miss a few minutes ago. Can I count that? 😀
@randim Yes indeed you can count that!!!
.... and not just "miss" but "young miss"
Wow-zers!!! Double points for that!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Earlier today the Walmart greeter called me "little lady" and went and got a cart for me. Another one is if women smile at you as you pass by. It's the woman to woman equivalent to the "guy nod."
Quote from: randim on February 07, 2019, 04:11:49 PM
A panhandler on the street called me young miss a few minutes ago. Can I count that? 😀
I hope you gave generously for this?
Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on February 07, 2019, 06:26:41 PM
Earlier today the Walmart greeter called me "little lady" and went and got a cart for me. Another one is if women smile at you as you pass by. It's the woman to woman equivalent to the "guy nod."
@AnamethatstartswithE Heya
"littlelady" .... such good news to read about your enjoyable passing experiences.
Enjoy fully the kind offers of assistance that comes with being a female.
All of the smiles given by other women are definitely so very affirming...
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Dietlind on February 07, 2019, 06:37:35 PM
I hope you gave generously for this?
Alas, no. I had been hit on a bunch and was starting to feel like a sucker. And between you and me, I, I, I'm not sure he was sincere. Timing is everything I guess.
I love it! This should be semi permanent like some of the other threads, I could read these all day.
It's been a long time and at times I forget what it was like. They all gave me a really big smile. ;D ;D
I think a big thing for me was my ID, that blank stare when you hand them your old ID and they look at you with a blank expression. Like okay, who is he and why should I care? I don't think about it much anymore and maybe I should. It makes The whole world better for a while doesn't it? :)
Two things that happened to me this week.
My McDonald's has construction going on right now so no drive-through, I was walking in to get coffee the other day and this guy was coming out. He was so overloaded that he looked like he would drop something at any moment. Struggles through the inner door with a full drink tray and two giant bags of food and I thought that I would hold the outer door for him. He would have none of that, smiles and says that he is fine, go ahead as he is holding the inner door open for me while juggling his stuff. I was like, Really? Because it looks like you are the one in need of help. He insisted and I felt kinda bad but I get tired of arguing with guys over things like that. Like the other thing that happened. At lunch at a slightly upscale buffet and I was going for some water before I filled up my plate with fruit. Dessert okay, I can eat like a normal person. This guy is just in front of me and I settle in to wait. He is not even looking at the beverages but staring at me, Do you know what you want? Yes, just a glass of water. Him, Go ahead. Me, It's okay, I don't mind. Him, Really, I insist. I feel bad like always even though I have given up on trying change their minds. As I am getting my water I say thank you and he has the most leering grin when he says, The pleasure was all mine, you can believe that. Yeah, it gets a little creepy sometimes, still makes me feel like I am floating though. :)
I have had all the conversations with women, girls my age talk more about menopause though and grandchildren. Love the X-ray tech, Are you pregnant? Yeah, pretty sure that I am not. You are not too old. Of course trans people are the most affirming, Hi. :) I don't mean to offend you or anything but this is a transgender picnic, it is okay that you are not. Are you with someone? There is another group on the other side of the playground maybe you are looking for them? That made me smile for days, mad me feel bad a bit too, they never let me in and kept me on the edge of the whole event.
I think this is a great thread! Keep it up, I enjoy hearing them all. :)
Quote from: NatalieRene on February 07, 2019, 08:06:14 AM
That is great. Have you done voice training or it just happened?
It just happened and I wasn't consciously trying either!
Hugs
Pamela
Quote from: pamelatransuk on February 08, 2019, 04:21:35 AM
It just happened and I wasn't consciously trying either!
Hugs
Pamela
I'm hoping that I have the same happen with me!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: pamelatransuk on February 08, 2019, 04:21:35 AM
It just happened and I wasn't consciously trying either!
Hugs
Pamela
I am similar. I have a natural rather high pitch voice (female type voice box), and my only male give away is the speech pattern and the way I am using my voice. If i watch that a little, or if I talk with females only for a while, I am fully in female mode, and can talk like this for the entire day!
Having men hold doors for me is a definite sign.
Another big one is other woman engaging in small talk with me in situations such as riding an elevator- that never happening when I was a guy.
The absolute biggest, however, is when a guy smiles at me....
"Whoa! You are going into the men's room by mistake."
Laurie and I were touring a huge aviation museum last week. There area number of docents hanging around, veterans with an aviation background, who can answer questions about the exhibits. One of them decided to us up for several minutes, to the point where he was offering to sneak me past the glass to the inside of the exhibit so I could get a better picture!
I have a feeling we were passing, at least with these gentlemen!
Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on February 07, 2019, 06:26:41 PMAnother one is if women smile at you as you pass by. It's the woman to woman equivalent to the "guy nod."
I'm afraid I don't see it that way. I've had women do it to me all of my life. I've never figured out why they're doing that, but I'm pretty sure that most of them are not reading me as a woman when they do it.
Anyway, for a story from me:
(I am not really transitioning (and feeling more like I need to, though) and am very much only quasi-presenting feminine. By that I mean, I have longer hair (but not properly styled), dress in women's clothes (but they're just the masculine equivalents of what I was wearing before), and try my hardest to shave my face. I "ma'am...sir" a lot, but rarely a "ma'am" with no change. It is comforting that I'm at least confusing people with the bare minimum, though. It gives me some hope that maybe there is hope for me passing with real effort.)
Last year I was shopping at Walmart. I was with another trans friend who was there helping me shop for some clothes I needed (yes, women's clothes, but that's an aside in the end). It was a winter day so I was dressed the happiest for me (meaning masculine features are harder to see)... My small women's peacoat with skinny jeans. When we went up to the dressing rooms there were attendants.
My friend was waiting outside and one of them asked her if she needed anything. She's like "No, I'm waiting for a friend in the dressing room". I can't remember exactly how this went down, but something they said to her in regards to me pronouned me properly.
I wish I could remember what exactly it was, but I can't piece together what kind of interaction would have been had. I was just told about it after the fact by my friend.
Quote from: Dietlind on February 08, 2019, 10:04:08 AM
I am similar. I have a natural rather high pitch voice (female type voice box), and my only male give away is the speech pattern and the way I am using my voice. If i watch that a little, or if I talk with females only for a while, I am fully in female mode, and can talk like this for the entire day!
That's muscle memory. Who here wants to just hop in the discord voice chat. It will be fun?
Quote from: NatalieRene on February 08, 2019, 09:22:19 PM
That's muscle memory. Who here wants to just hop in the discord voice chat. It will be fun?
It looks as if our Skype training might not materialize. I don't know what quality the dsicord chat is?
Quote from: Dietlind on February 08, 2019, 09:30:10 PM
It looks as if our Sype training might not materialize. I don't know what quality the dsicord chat is?
I don't know but if people hop in we can always find out.
Discord chat works well.
Are we ready to do it?
The most affirming sign that I passed was long after I relocated to my new town as a full-time woman to start my own business.... I had been passing unquestionably for well over a year so that was certainly affirming....
...BUT
the most affirming sign was when I attracted several male suitors that had no idea about my secret. After a few dates and outings with them and they started to get serious I finally felt obligated to tell them. Those very first male suitors thought I was joking and laughed it off. Shortly thereafter I came out publicly to the entire town with only very few people expressing their non-acceptance.
Now, as a woman, I belong to a Gym-Gals group, a mostly female Book Club, invited to baby showers and wedding showers, etc.
YES indeed....... very affirming.
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 13, 2019, 04:04:07 PM
The most affirming sign that I passed was long after I relocated to my new town as a full-time woman to start my own business.... I had been passing unquestionably for well over a year so that was certainly affirming....
...BUT
the most affirming sign was when I attracted several male suitors that had no idea about my secret. After a few dates and outings with them and they started to get serious I finally felt obligated to tell them. Those very first male suitors thought I was joking and laughed it off. Shortly thereafter I came out publicly to the entire town with only very few people expressing their non-acceptance.
Now, as a woman, I belong to a Gym-Gals group, a mostly female Book Club, invited to baby showers and wedding showers, etc.
YES indeed....... very affirming.
Danielle
I am so happy for you and I hope that I have a beautiful life such as yours,
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 13, 2019, 04:04:07 PM
The most affirming sign that I passed was long after I relocated to my new town as a full-time woman to start my own business.... I had been passing unquestionably for well over a year so that was certainly affirming....
...BUT
the most affirming sign was when I attracted several male suitors that had no idea about my secret. After a few dates and outings with them and they started to get serious I finally felt obligated to tell them. Those very first male suitors thought I was joking and laughed it off. Shortly thereafter I came out publicly to the entire town with only very few people expressing their non-acceptance.
Now, as a woman, I belong to a Gym-Gals group, a mostly female Book Club, invited to baby showers and wedding showers, etc.
YES indeed....... very affirming.
Danielle
That is awesome. I hate having to have that talk. I'm glad it worked out well. :D