The journey has just begun, well actually when I was around 7 or 8 years of age, 46 years ago. Little did I know then the events that helped transpire to today.
I have just finished my third meeting with the Clinical Psychologist, a beautiful person that helps me in my sliding door moments. The sessions are quite exhausting after the 50 minutes of leaking my sole, bare for analysis and consideration. No answers given, that's for me to determine but guidance, suggestion and the Psychologist is a good listener.
Gender Dysphoria has its highs and lows, something that I have always experienced but never understood, until this point in time.
Next week I see a new Dr, regarding Gender Medicine and have got a referral to the speech dept at a nearby hospital. The thought of Blockers and HRT fill me with excited anticipation, that this testosterone which is so foreign to my body will be tamed giving my body and mind the chance to catch up with each other.
There are losses though, a marriage that is full of love but is strained especially this last year. A beautiful wife that unfortunately only sees a future of dysfunction that she feels she cannot accept. So candidly we walk a fragile path which is tolerated on a daily basis. Both our worlds turned upside down. My Social circle and family are very homophobic, so there are heavy losses and financial circumstances to be considered in this journey. Life's never straight forward is it? I have to dig deep and remember this is who I am even with nothing; I am rich in my identity.
As I write this I am dressed in a soft feminine white blouse and denim skirt with white sandals, the long cherry red nails radiate from the keyboard and amethyst stone in the ring looks cold in stark contrast. This is Michelle; I am beginning to come to the realisation that Michelle has always mentally and physically been here since birth. Mark never really existed. It was just a name not an identity, I now believe that the lows clinically experienced in 'Gender Dysphoria' isn't the maleness but the Michelle dressed down day, the wearing the trackie pants or the daks around the house type feeling. You know the warm soft sweeter and Ugg boot type rainy day gorge yourself DVD marathon and popcorn bonanza type of day. Wow that was a mouthful!
I'm still Michelle but I don't have to dress the full gamut to prove anything, so except me as I am - Female in a Males body!
I do love the full gamut though. It feels very organic and lots of fun and I embrace it with passion!
They say with talking about your challenges or writing, putting things down on paper is therapeutic. Please consider though to the fact that alone time can be enlightening, moments of solace can allow one to reconnect to the processing that is required and internal organising that has to be done and maintained at regular intervals to get yourself through. Maybe this is a form of meditation?
I visualise now how important that it will be to network, to find like minded souls to connect with so my journey is not cold and dark but contains light and guidance, friendship and a feeling of spirit. I have to reinvent myself.
I introduce myself as Michelle, hello...
Welcome Michelle! I see your second post as well it's still early here in U.S.A! Been to New Zealand but never seen "down under" and am a tad older than you my Bday happens to be tomorrow! There are many others here like yourself who have arrived late to this *transition drama* wish you The Best hope you and *soulmate* can work through this together!
Cheers M'ate !
ps: Somebody else will be awake, posting as well shortly! FYI I am merely a *nobody aboriginal* here who started her journey long before computers even existed!
G'day Mate,
Thank you for your kind words...
The nomad Michelle xXx
@MichelleVindee Dear Michelle: I am so very glad that you have become a member here and I am happy to see that you found the Susan's Place Forums.
As you post on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are. I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here.
This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.
I also want to warmly
WELCOME you to Susan's Place.
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members. When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others
and offer support to others. ....
***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will
make some new like-minded friends here.
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
I have attached important and informative
LINKS that will help you to navigate around the Forums and will allow you to enjoy the features here.
Please look closely at the
LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.
Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
DanielleHere are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with: Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
Hi Michelle :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi Michelle - Welcome and congratulations on your courage. This path is both challenging and rewarding. It will evolve in ways that you don't expect for better and worse but IMO it is worth the roller coaster.
You are off to a good start - I am a big proponent of therapists being part of the journey - they don't give you answers - instead they help you find them for yourself.
Best Wishes
Thank you everyone for the warm welcome.
Warm Regards
Michelle