Susan's Place Transgender Resources

What comes Next

In my last update on my GCS thread  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,240702.0.html) I talked about the idea of "What comes Next". I will use this thread to explore that question as well as have a place to talk about the things that come up since completing all my physical transition. I think transition itself is an ongoing process for many of us and we can unexpectedly find ourselves finished, at least Physically. There comes a time when there are no more operations or procedures to do, maybe we run out of money or maybe the inclination to make any further changes leaves us. Psychologically I think it probably goes on for years and years as we grow more comfortable with our new skin and role in society.

So what does come next...I don't actually have a clue but one of the things I have always spoken to my daughters about is, that if we find ourselves in a place in life where we want something different or maybe feel in a rut, then we have to take responsibility for the situation...we have to make a change...it doesn't need to be huge, it just needs to be different. Maybe its something you have done before that worked, maybe something completely new...but make that change and from that one change will flow others and from them still more and so on and son on.

So I made a change today....I committed to getting back into shape for my upcoming hip operation. I have no specific medical requirement to make except to be as fit and healthy as I can for yet another general anaesthetic...sigh this will be my 5th in 10 months...Since my GCS I have put 8 kgs back on. This operation took a huge toll on me physically and it has taken my hip 3 months to calm down. I try to go back to walking about 8 weeks ago and that ended in disaster. I am hoping with the additional time to recover I will now be okay to actually start my walking again.

Soooo with that in mind I set off today to complete 3kms as a starting point...It took me about 28 minutes and I kept my heart rate in the fat burn/cardio range for the entire time. I intend to stick with 3ks for at least the next couple of weeks until all my bits settle into a rhythm and I can easily accomplish this goal. I would ultimately like to get back to my 7ks a day and hit my target weight of 85kgs...but this will take time and a lot more motivation that I currently have LOL.

As far as this thread goes I am open to discussions about anything so long as it doesn't break any rules....

Admirable.  We can do use this advice.  Funny thing is, I hate change.  That sounds kinda silly considering the changes over the last 3 years.

The only thing I would add is, make sure that you like what you're changing.  If you are not a fan of walking, try riding a bike or climbing stairs or swimming or .... You get the idea.  I lost 10kg 5 years ago and it felt/feels great.  I cut carbs to close to zero and picked up biking.  I now bike 2 or 3 thousand miles per year.  And I too pick up some weight post GCS.  Slowly, it's going away.

Good luck to all.

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

Quote from: Denise on March 06, 2019, 05:38:39 AM
Admirable.  We can do use this advice.  Funny thing is, I hate change.  That sounds kinda silly considering the changes over the last 3 years.

The only thing I would add is, make sure that you like what you're changing.  If you are not a fan of walking, try riding a bike or climbing stairs or swimming or .... You get the idea.  I lost 10kg 5 years ago and it felt/feels great.  I cut carbs to close to zero and picked up biking.  I now bike 2 or 3 thousand miles per year.  And I too pick up some weight post GCS.  Slowly, it's going away.

Good luck to all.

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

Hi Denise I agree whole heartedly, change is not always a pleasurable experience...the outcome can certainly be but the process can leave a lot to be desired.

Thanks for posting  and you comment about liking what you are changing is very important. Congrats on the weight loss and my weight gain is siomply due to my inability to exercise...I tried this about 8 weeks ago and was unable to complete any more than 2 days before I was curtailed by my hip. After completing day three today it feels really good, however for some reason I have those dang blisters back...will have toi take care of that on tomorrows walk , I think it is just about getting back into condition again

Good luck with moving your post op weight.

LizK

Alrighty Liz!! On the mend and taking on the world.

I walk every day if I can, either at work around the parking lot or around home on the backroads. I try to manage 10,000 steps in a day (~4.5 miles? ~7Km) I don't always make it though, things get in the way :(

3K is a good start to get back into the swing of things. That's probably all that I managed last night before my low back got mad at me. My weight is still up at 166 lbs (~75Kg)  >:(

I keep trying to increase my goal beyond the 10,000 step I ca't quite seem to do it.

Quote from: Faith on March 07, 2019, 06:16:54 AM
Alrighty Liz!! On the mend and taking on the world.

I walk every day if I can, either at work around the parking lot or around home on the backroads. I try to manage 10,000 steps in a day (~4.5 miles? ~7Km) I don't always make it though, things get in the way :(

3K is a good start to get back into the swing of things. That's probably all that I managed last night before my low back got mad at me. My weight is still up at 166 lbs (~75Kg)  >:(

I keep trying to increase my goal beyond the 10,000 step I ca't quite seem to do it.

@Faith

Hi Faith

3ks is a starting point for sure...I was regularly up in the 12-15,000 steps per day prior to GCS in December but seemed to have slowed me up a little LOL

I think 10,000 is a great effort and is exactly what is recommended for weigh loss however I found I reached a plateau with my weight so had to increase it....I need to be around 85 Kgs so have a little over 10 kgs to lose I found it I did 7ks each morning along with normal everyday activity I lost around a 800grns to 1 kg per week.

Thanks for dropping by

LizK

Hi Liz, I hope your healing and exercise goals go well dear. I do 5 miles of brisk walking per day here. I am not new to this message board, but have been away from here for a long time. For me almost 3 years post op, now. I am still discovering many subtleties in social interactions as a woman. Transition for me is really not over, even though I've completed many of the physical and social changes. I still find it fascinating learning these nuances, keeps me going, and getting better at it I think. I missed socialization as a girl when I was young, even though I had many females in my life, I think transition allows me to catch up on certain things, and apply what has been learned. It's life long learning.

Best wishes

Cynthia -

Quote from: CynthiaAnn on March 12, 2019, 11:08:35 AM
Hi Liz, I hope your healing and exercise goals go well dear. I do 5 miles of brisk walking per day here. I am not new to this message board, but have been away from here for a long time. For me almost 3 years post op, now. I am still discovering many subtleties in social interactions as a woman. Transition for me is really not over, even though I've completed many of the physical and social changes. I still find it fascinating learning these nuances, keeps me going, and getting better at it I think. I missed socialization as a girl when I was young, even though I had many females in my life, I think transition allows me to catch up on certain things, and apply what has been learned. It's life long learning.

Best wishes

Cynthia -

@CynthiaAnn
Dear Cynthia:
I have been enjoying reading your recent comments since you have become more active on the Forums and I want you to know that your advice and replies are appreciated by all.   

HOWEVER, I have failed to find where you have been Officially Welcomed to Susan's Place since your very first posting more that 8 years ago back in January 2011 !!!!   

I am now taking it upon myself to give you a BIG WARM OFFICIAL WELCOME here.  I am glad that you are here and are now actively posting.

Please continue to post and mutually share with others your comments and thoughts on the forums.  There is no doubt in my mind that you found this to be a safe, friendly and happy place to share your thoughts and to meet and befriend many like-minded members here.

I am going to attach the important and informative LINKS that will give you the rules and hints about how to navigate safely around the Forums.   Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.
Please forgive me if you have already gotten them previously.

Hugs and again, Welcome to Susan's Place...
Best wishes to you,
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)	Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)	Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)

Thanks so much Danielle for welcoming me here !! I have a few friends here that are on this board that I was catching up with, I hope to be a bit more active. I hope you have a wonderful day

Hugs

Cynthia -

Quote from: CynthiaAnn on March 12, 2019, 11:35:22 AM
Thanks so much Danielle for welcoming me here !! I have a few friends here that are on this board that I was catching up with, I hope to be a bit more active. I hope you have a wonderful day

Hugs

Cynthia -

@CynthiaAnn
Oh, and another thing Cynthia...
Even though you have been a member here for many years, it would be nice if you would plan to write a fresh introductions post and tell us more about yourself in the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) so that other newer members will be aware that you are back posting again... therefore you will be able to share your thoughts with more members here.
     
Thank you being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle
NOTE: Now after all of this Greeting Stuff I will let  @LizK  and everyone else have this thread back so that the exchange of conversation, thoughts and questions can continue.

I will, I think that would be fun....

Hugs

Cynthia -

Handing the conversation back to you Liz, walking was really good medicine when healing up from surgery, those first few weeks were rough, but after about 8 weeks I was doing a couple of miles by then. Walking promoted healing and circulation.

Best to you

Cynthia -

Quote from: CynthiaAnn on March 12, 2019, 11:08:35 AM
Hi Liz, I hope your healing and exercise goals go well dear. I do 5 miles of brisk walking per day here. I am not new to this message board, but have been away from here for a long time. For me almost 3 years post op, now. I am still discovering many subtleties in social interactions as a woman. Transition for me is really not over, even though I've completed many of the physical and social changes. I still find it fascinating learning these nuances, keeps me going, and getting better at it I think. I missed socialization as a girl when I was young, even though I had many females in my life, I think transition allows me to catch up on certain things, and apply what has been learned. It's life long learning.

Best wishes

Cynthia -

Quote from: CynthiaAnn on March 12, 2019, 03:05:46 PM
Handing the conversation back to you Liz, walking was really good medicine when healing up from surgery, those first few weeks were rough, but after about 8 weeks I was doing a couple of miles by then. Walking promoted healing and circulation.

Best to you

Cynthia -

@CynthiaAnn

Hi Cynthia

I had written quite a comprehensive response to your post but as frequently happens there was a "glitch" as I tried to post it and my response has disappeared so I will try again.

Thankyou for the kind words of encouragement...pre surgery I was walking around 7-8ks per day in preparation for my GCS surgery last December. It was probably one of the smartest things I did and as a result have healed really well despite some minor complications.

I returned to walking about 8 weeks ago only to find the damage to my arthritic hip from my GCS surgery was far worse thast I anticipated. Prior to surgery I was slotted to have a Hip replacement(bone on bone plus spurs) however the surgeons did not want to potentially damage my new hip by having it placed in the position it needed to be for GCS for the prolonged amount of time required. Coming out of my GCS surgery was excruciating causing my BP to rise the last number I heard before they knocked me out again was 220/120 and rising. When I awoke it was fine but it was clear some serious damage had been done.

When I returned to walking awhile ago I did so at 3ks as "tester" to see how much I could tolerate. At 10weeks post op I tried 3 days but could not do it for a sustained period. I quit with a view to starting again in a few weeks. Last week the time arrived to try again and I managed 4 days although by day 4 my hip was in bad shape. I have kicked off again this week at 3 ks and have found only a slight improvement. I am due to have my hip replaced in the next month or two and expect to be able to walk much better once this is done.

I was relieved to have my final surgery (VFS) completed and put the physical stuff behind me. I still have a lot to learn on a social level but that is one of those things that takes time. Thankyou for stopping buy and offering your encouragement I really appreciate it. Feel free to drop by anytime...

Take care

Liz

LizK, sorry to hear you need hip replacement surgery so after your srs. It will be nice to be able to walk and not be in pain.  Keep us updated so we know how you are doing.

Hi Liz, thank you for such a thoughtful response. Regarding the high blood pressure event, wow that's scarry. I had an issue with stopping the spironolactone just before surgery. and my kidney functions took a few months to recover using that, that in turn affected my BP too, now it's better....less medicine is better overall, i suppose....

I'm hoping your hip surgery goes well and you are back on your feet in no time.

Happy trails to you....

Cynthia -

Quote from: mm on March 12, 2019, 07:05:08 PM
LizK, sorry to hear you need hip replacement surgery so after your srs. It will be nice to be able to walk and not be in pain.  Keep us updated so we know how you are doing.

@mm
Hi MM

Thanks yes it is an  annoyance for sure but it was kinda planned. I got out there today again after things got difficult yesterday but this time with my walking stick, I usually do without but we are past that stage now. Surprisingly I only took about 4 minutes longer to do my 3 ks hwoever I was not able to get my heart rate up as high as I would like but still maintained the fat zone burn so all in all happy with that.

Liz

Been a busy 24hrs or so...spent last night celebrating my Daughters 26th birthday which was a lot of fun. Just the 5 of us but that was more than enough to enjoy ourselves. Nothing fancy just sat around eating Vietnamese Takeaway food and talking rubbish as families do.

A couple of things struck me last night, the first being that when my Daughter was showing me around her newly prepared study room I noticed on the wall in place of prominence was a photograph of me at a formal event wearing a Tux along with my wife also dressed up. From what I could tell it was my daughters 21st birthday. It had a really strange effect on me...I didn't really study it, but even I could tell, despite that I was smiling, there really was nothing happening in my eyes...there was a masking effect. It is not something I have ever noticed before. I have had people tell me my smile has changed and I look much happier than they have ever seen me(hardly surprising) but I have always failed to see it myself.

The second thing was that after tea my daughter produced a bag of clothing she was going to get rid of and we women sat there working out who would get what and what would look good. This is something that up until recently I have not been included in and now I find myself fully immersed...and do you know what...I just felt happy and content. Wonderful!!
Liz 

How nice being included in family female business Liz, it's a wonderful feeling ! We have 2 daughters ourselves here (also young adults in their 20's) and I've been included in things today I realized I was passed over on previously.

Regarding the old pictures, it's like looking at a ghost for me, I felt like I was hiding behind something, you see that now in hindsight, it was different then. I think the HRT does make your smile and facial features different, I know my face changed a little over the years. A woman's best asset is her smile.

Have a wonderful day Liz

Cynthia -

Yes CynthiaAnn it was really nice and something that is very enjoyable. Sometimes its the simplest things that make us the happiest.

Hi Liz!!  :icon_wave:  :icon_biggrin:

Quote from: Faith on March 15, 2019, 06:37:45 AM
Hi Liz!!  :icon_wave:  :icon_biggrin:

Hiya Faith how you doing?...Good I hope!!

Liz

Quote from: LizK on March 15, 2019, 06:39:36 AM
Hiya Faith how you doing?...Good I hope!!

Liz

Not bad today, all things considered. Therapist appointment this afternoon. I think I may need to find something depressing so that I can cry on her couch. It shouldn't be too hard :D

This is your thread though, how are you doing? Properly enjoying the good moments? They have to carry you over the next bump into the next good moment.  You know, if you hit a bump in the road hard enough it'll lift you right up :D

Yeah, I'm feeling cheesy humorous today :P

Quote from: Faith on March 15, 2019, 06:50:34 AM
Not bad today, all things considered. Therapist appointment this afternoon. I think I may need to find something depressing so that I can cry on her couch. It shouldn't be too hard :D

This is your thread though, how are you doing? Properly enjoying the good moments? They have to carry you over the next bump into the next good moment.  You know, if you hit a bump in the road hard enough it'll lift you right up :D

Yeah, I'm feeling cheesy humorous today :P

So if I got this right what I need is just a bit more speed in my life so when I hit the bumps I bounce and take off over to the next one...kinda like skimming across the top of a pond? Sounds like a pretty solid life strategy to me ;D...its just nice to wake almost every day and no longer be thinking about how I will deal with my GD....since surgery last year I have only experienced fleeting GD and that was when my parents were here....as the time goes by even that has faded to the back quickly, so all in all life is pretty sweet and I don't experience the bumps like I did, they are more like ripples....  ;D :icon_dance:

Quote from: LizK on March 15, 2019, 07:14:24 AM..... ;D :icon_dance: .....

:icon_dance: :icon_dance: :icon_dance: :icon_dance:  ;D

My recovery continues to go well and each day I get a little better and I heal a little more. I am now about 3.5 months post op and my hip has finally given up. I was walking last week but only just managing to cover 3ks and that was with a walking stick...I was able to complete 4 days last week however day 5 was horrendous and I was barely able to move. Each of the other walking days left me basically laid up unable to do much of anything. l have not walked this week but it has enabled me to at least move around the house(all be it with my walking stick) and not be just stuck. However nights are increasing less comfortable and I have not slept through the night for weeks now.

Since my surgery last December and up until late January I had been sleeping better than I have in years managing between 6-8hrs which is a record for me that I had not been able to achieve since before 2000. I am now back to my more regular 3-5 hours per night of broken sleep and there is only one culprit...my hip.

I was due to have a hip replacement last year about August however they decided that I was to have my GCS before they would do the hip replacement as the position required for GCS was going to be detrimental to my new hip. The unfortunate consequence to this was the damage the GCS did to my already fragile hip (I have spoken about waking up after surgery in a "little discomfort" in an earlier post  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,245120.0.html))so that now I am reduced to sitting. I called the hospital today to find out where I was on the surgery schedule as I had heard nothing since getting clearance for the replacement last month and they indicated to me that it was going to be May before it can be done. I impressed upon them that I am a priority 2 and my surgeon wanted it done August last year. The admissions clerk asked me a whole series of questions about my readiness and said she is going to try and get me in "much sooner". So I can only hope it is much much sooner...I will be as big as the side of a house if I can't get moving again soon.

Mentally I am Okay but disappointed about the weight gain after all my hard work getting it off. Looks like I may have to start again.

I have made up my mind about a couple of new activities which I will share with everyone once they are in place...the next couple of weeks should see me starting these new activities providing of course that I can walk which is not guaranteed. Will update again as soon as I have some news.

Liz

Liz, I'm so sorry to hear about your hip problems.  I know that this type of issue is quite painful.  I hope they will be able to get you into surgery as soon as possible.

Hugs, Jess

I'm feeling and sharing it with you Liz, please don't overdo and make it worse before you can get your surgery.

and on the lighter side
If you're stuck in bed you have more time to email me?  :D

sorry, had to <<HUGS>>

Your friend
Faith

May your surgery happen sooner, rather than later, hang in there

Hugs

C -

Posted Yesterday in the wrong thread so moved to here along with all the responses

Quote from: LizK on April 13, 2019, 09:01:26 PM
By way of a quick update as I have been absent from the board for most of the last week apart from posting in this thread.

My beloved dog Oscar is still with us but unfortunately continuing to deteriorate.  Friday night was particularly bad with me up to him about every 40 minutes or so. One of the things that makes this so difficult is that he has always had a very muted response to pain so assessing whether he is in distress has always been difficult.. However in this case he is in steady decline and I suspect he has not only lost his sight but also his hearing and sense of smell. Both of  seem to have diminished further over the last 72 hrs. He will be going to the vet tomorrow for assessment for his quality of life. I want to ensure that he has a quality of life. I don't mind if he needs care...I am happy to provide that so long as I can make him comfortable and he can have some enjoyment however I have to be realistic as all outwards signs seem to indicate that he is currently just "existing"...it is an awful decision to have to make but part of the responsibility of having pets. Bottom line is that we need to know that he is not in any kind of distress.

My health has improved and my flare up seems to have subsided over the last 24 hrs leaving me feeling tired but essentially okay for the time being. It is simply a matter of monitoring the situation and ensuring I do all the right things.

I will be trying to catch up on everyone's thread and the activities of the board over the last week. Thankyou all for the support and encouragement I have received both privately and on the board.

Liz

Quote from: Drexy/Drex on April 13, 2019, 11:47:23 PM
Wishing the best outcome ...

Quote from: Anne Blake on April 14, 2019, 05:42:16 AM
A tough place to be in with Oscar Liz. Many of us have been there and know the tears and pain that comes with it. You will talk with the vet and you will do right by him......and at some point you will cry a lot, just know that you are not alone in this.

Love you girl, hugs from Deb and me,
Tia

Quote from: CynthiaAnn on April 14, 2019, 08:32:57 AM
Hugs Liz, it's so hard....

Cynthia -

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 14, 2019, 08:47:29 AM
Liz, I am so sorry to hear that your pupper's health is deteriorating.  I know that whatever decisions you make will be in Oscar's best interests.

I know it's hard.  HUGS!!

I posted my last update in my old GCS thread sop kind of shows where my brain was and am just tidying up now. I do have an update for my GCS thread which I will do shortly.

Hi Liz.......... just stopping in to say hi.

Hugs, Jess

HI liz,

  I too hope the hip surgery will be soon. I am visiting with Michell for a couple weeks. We will video again soon. Take it easy lady and rest until you go get fixed.

Hugs,
   Laurie

It's over....our beloved dog Oscar finally passed on after a long and somewhat distressing illness. After going for a "quality of life" check with the vets on Wednesday we were advised he only had a short period of time left and that would most likely be very unpleasant for him. It was likely that he would have a massively painful and distressing episode at any time and would be lucky to have any more than a few months at best. These last weeks were unlikely to be pleasant for him. We could see him deteriorate daily and he lost the last of his sight a couple of weeks ago. Since then he had become increasing distressed, confused and for the first time showing signs of pain.

It was with very heavy hearts he went to the vets this morning. Meryl and I are heartbroken at the moment but given some time we will get past this. He is no longer in any distress and now finally at peace.

Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Quote from: LizK on April 20, 2019, 07:39:35 PM
It's over....our beloved dog Oscar finally passed on after a long and somewhat distressing illness. After going for a "quality of life" check with the vets on Wednesday we were advised he only had a short period of time left and that would most likely be very unpleasant for him. It was likely that he would have a massively painful and distressing episode at any time and would be lucky to have any more than a few months at best. These last weeks were unlikely to be pleasant for him. We could see him deteriorate daily and he lost the last of his sight a couple of weeks ago. Since then he had become increasing distressed, confused and for the first time showing signs of pain.

It was with very heavy hearts he went to the vets this morning. Meryl and I are heartbroken at the moment but given some time we will get past this. He is no longer in any distress and now finally at peace.

Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Liz,

I am sorry for your loss of Oscar. 

Sincerely,

Chrissy

So sorry for your loss Liz. May all your wonderful memories of Oscar comfort you at this time.

Perry

I'm sorry for your loss Liz and Meryl.  I'm sure Oscar knew you did the best for him. 

Sorry to read of the loss of your friend Liz, it is hard to let them go.

Hugs

Cynthia -

So sorry to hear this Liz.

I'm sorry you have lost your furry friend.  Oscar is now free of his distress. 
Now rejoice in his memory.

Hugs 🤗

  Liz, I am sorry that Oscar is gone. We all have felt the loss of a cherished pet and loyal friend. Nothing I can say would make it any easier on you except maybe for you and the family to take heart in the knowledge that Oscar is no longer lost, in distress or pain. This was a very compassionate and the best thing you and Meryl could do for him.
  My condolences.

  Hugs,
     Laurie

Our condolences to you and Meryl, Liz. I know that letting go of a beloved pet is one of the most difficult things that I have ever had to do....it just plain hurts! Hold each other and help yourselves get over the pain.

Love you girl!,
Tia Anne

Quote from: LizK on April 20, 2019, 07:39:35 PM... now finally at peace ...

Peace, we could all use some. Granting it eases, yet at the same time .... I lost what I was trying to say.

We know the pain, we share your loss.

I feel for you Liz, I've had 4 dogs in my life, and our Kelpie, Molly, is in her 15th year, and deteriorating. They are all family, and my fist dog, Nipper, was the only one I could talk to about my gender issues. Celebrate the good memories and know you provided him with the best life possible. Poo, now I need a tissue...

Allie

Hi Everyone and thankyou all for the support I really appreciated all the lovely posts from everyone.

Its been a fairly rough week and today Meryl had to return back(after injuring her hand about 10 days ago) to work so it was my first day on my own. I have to say that I have been really surprised just how much I have missed having my little guy around and how much I have noticed him not being here. I have had several dogs over my lifetime and other pets as well. What surprised me so much this time is the level of grief I have felt over his loss. It really has taken me by surprise.

I will spend the next day or 2 catching up on what has been going on around here and then hopefully be able to participate once again. I have a new update for both my GCS thread and my voice thread with new voice recording to add now that I have had clearance form my voice surgeon.

Once again thank you all for the support and looking out for me...there are a number of threads I want to catch up on over the next few days.

Take care

Liz

I have taken up the "sport?"/ "Hobby" of metal detecting, apparently that makes me a detectorist... Interesting enough when I tell people they seem to find this quite amusing and start trying to make jokes about finding treasure. I don't actually do it for the "money" or jewels (yeah right) but for fitness. I am unable to walk at any pace due to my stupid hip but detecting is good exercise at a reasonable pace. So today I went out to do some detecting and when you do this you are going to get dirty so a pair of jeans, runners, hoddie, cap, knee protectors, gloves and "treasure bag"  are the order of wear....no jewellery...no make up...its kind of like the opposite of trying to pass...possibly the biggest downside in my case, however it doesn't stop me.

So there I was on the beach, headphones on listening for the detector to make a noise when I hear this guy yelling at me....beaming from ear to ear standing about 10 meters away with a plastic bag in hand and a squatting dog in fron of him... "Hey Mate...mate!... I got some gems right here for you if you want" "Hey mate come and detect this" I smile and wave...for some reason when ever I go detecting I get a lot of questions from small kids, dogs wanting to help me dig and the obligatory adults wanting to make a joke in this case I am pretty sure he thought he was talking to a guy...oh well so be it.

About 10 minutes later after a further 2 enquiries from dogs wanting to help, I look up and standing in front of me are two little girls, one about 3 and the other about 4...I inwardly cringe, we all know that the hardest passing test you can ever have is to pass in front of kids. I am not feeling to great after my last encounter and really don't feel like doing it again. The eldest little girl asked me if I was searching for treasure....I smiled at her and told her, yes that is exactly what I am doing..."she's searching for treasure mum...she's looking for jewels" screams the little girl to her mother off to one side... What follows is a very pleasant chat with the two very pregnant women  strolling along the beach with their kids....big smile on my face onwards I went, confidence spilling out all over the place.

I move on to a playground and again I am approached by a little boy this time who is probably 5 or 6 and is insistent on helping and if he had his way taking over. After a brief and somewhat pointless conversation(if you have had anything to do with kids then you will have had hundreds possibly thousands of these conversations.) "She's looking for treasure Grandpa" yells the little boy at the top of his lungs....talk about affirming. That just completed my day and I returned home shortly after this feeling pretty darn good about myself. No matter what my brain tells me it would appear that I do blend in....even with my harshest potential critics.

Take care

Liz

That's a wonderful story Liz, and how great the little one's validation must have felt  :) :)

Did you find anything with the detector ?

C -

Hi C

A lot of bottle caps, About $10 in change, a couple bullet projectiles (fired), some sinkers and an assortment of wire...no too exciting but I cleared a playground of some particularly nasty objects like nails, screws, rusty barbed wire and that made me happy.

Liz

Quote from: LizK on May 10, 2019, 06:47:13 AM
Hi C

A lot of bottle caps, About $10 in change, a couple bullet projectiles (fired), some sinkers and an assortment of wire...no too exciting but I cleared a playground of some particularly nasty objects like nails, screws, rusty barbed wire and that made me happy.

Liz

Good for you finding the metal hazards !

Do you ever wonder, by removing potential hazards, like picking up nails and such (i do that when I spot one in the road for example), how these small actions might be actually be altering the course of events in the future, most will be insignificant, but sometimes I wonder if that nail I just picked up out of the road, saved someone's flat tire, avoiding an accident, that allowed some other action to occur, ok stop this Cynthia, you are just plain ditzy  :).

Have a great day !

C -

Funny you should say but I was thinking about this today after clearing the playground and hoping I might have made a difference even if it was just a small one [emoji38]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sounds like that metal detector found affirmation in small bundles, that's a bit like treasure!!

Allie

Quote from: Allie Jayne on May 10, 2019, 07:28:06 AM
Sounds like that metal detector found affirmation in small bundles, that's a bit like treasure!!

Allie

Allie I never thought about it like that but I think you are on to something  ;D

Liz

About 4 months ago I was contacted by the organisier of one of the locall LGBTQI+ groups, asking if I would be the guest speaker for their function for the International Day against Homophobia Biphobia Intersexism and Transphobia. The get together was Yesterday and the day itself was Friday.

Of course I left everything to the last minute but spent some time chatting about it with Cindy earlier in the week and then eventually wrote the speech on Thursday leaving me not too much time to actually practice it. Having said that I was really surprised about how well it went over and the reactions I got to it. When I finished one woman burst into tears telling me that IO had really moved her. Another non binary woman got up and gave a 2 minute thankyou about how much my speech had moved them. I was a little taken aback but it seemed that I had a hit on my hands with a number of people approaching me saying how it had resonated with them. Mission accomplished. The audience consisted of mainly Gay and lesbian people with one other trans woman attending and she was also happy with the message I had delivered. I had some specific things I wanted them to understand.

The speech itself was about 9 minutes and of course my voice was not really up to the task so I only made it about 1/2 way through before having to stop and have a drink...it really didn't seem to matter. 

So here is the speech I gave

"Thank you for the kind introduction and thanks for inviting me to share my perspective today for the International Day against Homophobia Biphobia Intersexism and Transphobia

My topic is Transphobia. I would like to preface this by saying I am speaking mainly from and about a Trans woman's point of view and only because that is where my experience lies so I apologies to the trans guys in advance You may hear using the term Cis and I us it only as a way of distinguishing between trans women and non-trans women but will try and refrain from any kind of jargon.

I was talking to a member here last month about today's presentation and I asked him what his experiences of homophobia were and at one point he pulled his jacket back slightly to reveal his T-shirt which read "Pride of the South" and said "I would not wear this in a lot of places in Adelaide as I would not feel safe to do so ." That got me to thinking about the differences in the ways we all experience prejudice So conversely if I am not wearing the "Pride T-shirt" then no one knows (nor cares) if I am gay lesbian or trans.

When thinking about how to describe how many Trans people experience aspects of Transphobia I realized that not all trans people actually experience discrimination in the same way or the same level.

What is transphobia? Wikipedia describes it

..the range of negative attitudes, feelings or actions toward transgender or transsexual people, or toward transsexuality. Transphobia can be emotional disgust, fear, violence, anger, or discomfort felt or expressed towards people who do not conform to society's gender expectation
When talking about transphobia I wanted to look at different ways people may experience it Transphobia can be said to be experienced at 3 levels

1.   Equality
2.   Tolerance
3.   Acceptance

Equality

Under Equality we are likely to find Trans men and women who fall into the category commonly known as being passable...being passable just means that you are seen to have an appearance that fits within what is expected by society ,in other words they look like everyone else. In terms of "wearing the Pride t-shirt" they are able to choose whether they want to show the t-shirt or remain covered up.

Andreja Peijic  is a Trans woman , super model and face of "Make Up For Ever" brand She is very successful even managing a to make the cover of Vogue and as such is deemed "passable"
In terms of the Pride T-shirt she gets to choose when and where she wears it and because she passes will likely experience very low levels of Transphobia

Tolerance

Or in other words people being tolerated for being trans because of what they do or who they are an example of this type of person could be someone like Catherine McGregor, She is known no only as an x service person but more commonly as cricketing commentator, who's "transness" is tolerated because of her ability to do her job.
She is tolerated or in terms of "wearing the pride shirt" even though she is wearing it openly it is pretty much ignored because of her role in society. The harm that Transphobia does is not felt any less because she is tolerated but the sheer quantity she experiences may be less because of it

Acceptance

By acceptance I simply mean, it is accepted that we exist. Trans women who fit into this category are often ridiculed in media and to their faces These Trans women through no fault of their own may appear far less feminie than a non trans woman. These women do not suffer any less distress at their situation than those who have equality or tolerance  but simply because they are dealt a vastly different hand in the physical looks department experience transphobia at vastly increased levels

Unfortunately our society is not quite so accepting for Trans women who appear more masculine which is common if they are in the early days of their transition when things like HRT and surgeries have not had a chance to work.
Trans women who fall into this category have to wear the "pride Tshirt" all the time no matter where they go or what they do and their Transness is on display for everyone to see

I want at this stage to look at the role the media has in shaping societies reaction of trans women. When we think about Trans people in society who do we think of? Do we think of the Catherine McGregor's of this world or do we think of the Klingers or maybe even the Tootsie's?

When trans people have traditionally been represented in Television or film projects they are either ridiculed and appear as the classical "Man in a dress" such as  Klinger or as the seductress trying to deceive a straight man "The crying Game"

When you look at many of the sitcoms in the later 90's and early 2000's that are being shown as reruns now on afternoon/ early evening TV, many of the themes and  ideas promoted in a number of these programs are misogynistic, homophobic and transphobic all under the guise of comedy.

Programs like Mash, Will and Grace or "Everybody loves Raymond", all have at least some content that by today's standards is not exactly favourable to Trans women. I have not selected these programs because they are particularly bad but just that they are still popular and run on main stream television. I don't think we can blame these sitcoms for all the woes of the Transgender community but as another example the kind of messaging still being broadcast.
The newer shows like Orange is the new black and the popular Transparent show Trans women in a very different light trying to humanise them and exploring the difficulties they face in a way that shows empathy. In the particular case of these two programs they seem to do a pretty good job of it.

Just to finish off with a more modern example of a role our media can play
I watch recently My Kitchen rules where one contestant made a very personal suggestion about another causing a ruckus. The build-up for the reveal of the comment was done over a week with adverts shouting about... what could the protagonist possibly say to invoke such an extreme response? How terrible it was to be "accused" of this thing"
"Did the person leave the show?" and on and on it went.

The night the show aired I watched absolutely surprised at the reaction of the entire 24 people sat around this table at one of the restaurant rounds where it was finally revealed that one contestant had suggested to woman that she may be transgender. Shock horror!!"not that there is anything wrong with that" was the rapid follow up by many, however the reaction by many was one of utter distaste... So I have to ask the question

Have we really come that far at all??

here are a couple of sobering statistics for you to consider from the Trans Murder Monitoring project

Nearly 3000 transgender people were murdered over the last decade worldwide. The most common causes of death were shooting, stabbing and beating.

The number of trans people reported murdered each year by TMM** has risen steadily, from 148 in 2008 to 358 for the year 2018.

**Sources: Trans Murder Monitoring, Trans Respect versus Transphobia Worldwide, Human Rights Commission

I would just like to finish with some final thoughts

When it comes to whether you experience discrimination I would like to put it this way.

When you are a Trans woman who fits into the category where you are accepted at only an existence level and seen by many in our society as a "man in a dress" then you will experience Transphobia at disproportionately higher levels.

You never get to take your "Pride T-shirt" off

You never get to cover it over

You wear your pride T-shirt every day of your life , everywhere you go.

Thankyou for your time"

AWESOME

Thanks so much for the help

Great speech, and well researched! Did you get much feedback?

I came out to my boss last week, and she was very accepting, as I knew she would be. She agreed to sit on it until I was ready to come out to everyone. We celebrate IDAHOBIT day at work and my boss got into a little trouble last year by sending out a description of different animals which change sex as part of their normal biology. Some exec felt it wasn't appropriate. Anyway, my boss missed IDAHOBIT day this year, but told me she was really excited for next year as we would have the best story to tell! I haven't put a date to my coming out at work, but my boss tells me she thought a lot about what I told her last week and she thinks it is just the best thing she has heard in ages, and she can't wait to welcome me at work as a woman. I just know I will be the centre of attention at work this time next year! I might need to borrow some of your speech....

Allie

Wonderful speech Liz!

@LizK
Dear Liz:.
I agree with all of the other comments regarding your speech that you presented.   
I am most impressed with how you discussed and explained some of the key issues involved.
Your presentation could obviously be appropriate in other similar group settings.... get the word out, you could be a busy woman doing speeches around the country.

Thank you or sharing your wisdom and your thoughts.
HUGS,
Danielle

Liz, wow.  Eloquent and spot-on.

Bookmarked. 

Very well done speech, Liz!

Congratulations!

@Michelle_P @Kendra @Alaskan Danielle @Jessica @Danielle

Thank you all for the kind words...it certainly was an experience and I am sure it is something I will repeat if asked.

I have my orientation next week to being volunteer work for the Bfriend orgainsation which is a non for profit support network for LGBTQI+. Sounds like I am the only the only Transgender mentor on staff and they have someone they want to to match me up with already.

@Allie Jayne

Yes I got some really good feedback. One woman burst into tears when I finished and told me how much I had moved her another got up spontaneously and thanked me. I had numerous women come up to me and thank me for the speech and how great it was. All in all some great feedback.

Quote from: LizK on May 21, 2019, 06:51:50 AM
@Michelle_P @Kendra @Alaskan Danielle @Jessica @Danielle


@Allie Jayne

Yes I got some really good feedback. One woman burst into tears when I finished and told me how much I had moved her another got up spontaneously and thanked me. I had numerous women come up to me and thank me for the speech and how great it was. All in all some great feedback.

Wow, you must be thrilled!

Allie

Eloquent... beautiful.... respect Liz 😘

Thanks Drexy [emoji847][emoji847]


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I have been AWOL the last couple of days as I have had life get in the way of being on the board. About 3 months ago I took a chance and bought a cheap metal detector....Now before you all start giving me a hard time about "finding my fortune" I have to say in my defence that is not what it was really about...maybe a little but certainly not the primary motivation

I wanted a way to exercise without putting to much stress on my stupid hip. The worst of it being when I have to get down to dig a target...however there are a number of ways to avoid that? This seemed to be a pretty good compromise exercise wise and I have to admit....I'm hooked...I get exercise albeit a bit slow but I cover the ground regardless.

I went out on Thursday and bought myself a very expensive one and have spent the last 3 days learning how to use it. I found a number of interesting items...one of the worst parts of this hobby is the huge amount of trash you can end up digging. With my new one I only dug 10% trash and the rest was either money or artefacts which I then take home and try and work out what they are and if they have any value.

I guess it's really just a modern take on treasure hunting without the pirates [emoji23]...

I am always stunned at the amount of trash people leave lying about or buried just under the surface. One of the things I do that gives me a great deal of satisfaction is cleaning play grounds of dangerous items. Bits of old wire, broken bottle tops, assorted pieces of jagged metal are all things I have removed from these playgrounds. I have pulled some incredibly dangerous stuff out of the "bark bed" that is usually used for these kinds of area's.

I also had my last voice therapy session today with my therapist saying there is not much more she can do for me and thinks my voice is great. As do I...it still has some "maturing" to do but the pitch is stable and it has smoothed out considerably. I will follow up with her in a couple months and see if there is anything new I may want help with but essentially that is it.

Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Quote from: LizK on May 25, 2019, 04:05:47 AM

One of the things I do that gives me a great deal of satisfaction is cleaning play grounds of dangerous items. Bits of old wire, broken bottle tops, assorted pieces of jagged metal are all things I have removed from these playgrounds. I have pulled some incredibly dangerous stuff out of the "bark bed" that is usually used for these kinds of area's.

That's a really nice and a thoughtful way to use your new equipment Liz  :) I get a feeling that someday you are going to find something valuable (gold / diamond ring) that will pay you back for this kindness, I really hope that happens. I love to read your stories. Hope the hip is holding up well enough.

Good morning from here

Cynthia -

Hi Cynthia

That would be great to find something really valuable but I hope it's an old coin or something and not someone's precious jewellery that I cannot return to them. I really don't mind I remember my little girl hurting her foot on something at a playground when she was little and I have never forgotten he anguish it caused Meryl and I.

Anyway it's not actual too hard to do and it gets me out [emoji16]. Glad you enjoy my stories.

Liz




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Cool Liz ...are you going down the beach with it? Be great to get some space and fresh salt air ,
And what about old diggings ?
Up here it's iron ore country but there's gold to found ...gold goes to the lowest point , so stream beds , and dry billabong's can have potential , good luck ....it's a smart way to get out and about🤘