Hi everyone, for the past two months I've been dating another woman, and I think I'm falling in love with her. Part of me is scared of this, and unfortunately I think I know why, she's also trans. I feel like a terrible person, but the more I try to unpack these feelings the more I think that that's it. I feel like a bad person, I understand that internalized transphobia isn't my fault, but I still feel like it makes me a bad person. Also there's the issue of fertility, I have saved sperm and I'm pretty sure I want to at least try to have my own biological children. She's only the second person I've gone out with since transitioning, and there is a bit of "fear of missing out" there. However, I also have the feeling that if she were a cis girl I wouldn't be thinking about that.
It's become clear to me that I've never actually been in love before. I think that previously I just wanted to be close to my partners femininity, and live vicariously through them.
I'm not even sure what I'm asking, I wish I could just enjoy this, I wish I didn't have these bad attitudes inside of me, can anyone offer any help?
@AnamethatstartswithE I can identify with much of what you are describing regarding your romantic endeavors.
All I can advise is for you to follow your heart while using your head and common sense.
Obviously you should be careful, proceed slowly but be prepared to take carefully calculated chances.
My first personal thread
"I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles" includes a lot of my initial adventures in navigating my male and female suitors.
Wishing you well while you navigate these pleasant and sometimes challenging waters.
Hugs,
Danielle
Be open minded about children. I have a biological son, and I have an adopted daughter. I love them both.
Also: There is a lot of mental illness in my father's family and I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis. I got lucky with my son; he is perfectly healthy — but I decided not to try for any more children. Instead, my wife and I have been paying for the education of her cousins in the Philippines. We've paid for six college educations in her family and are now moving on to doing the same for her goddaughters.
Do not worry. If you want children in your life, there will be children in your life. Live, love, enjoy life. The rest will come to you.
Hugs, Carly
Go slow, listen to yourself. You sound like a kind hearted person, and if you get in too deep with someone you care about, but do not love or have as much in common with you may find it hard to break up. Many people are in relationships with someone that is a nice person, but not a soul mate simply because they started down a path and were just too kind to not get out of that relationship. Many reasons, but I know many people who just stay together because they are comfortable with each other and it is a relationship of convenience. Just listen to your inner voice and be honest with yourself. I think many transgender women also settle for someone who isn't really compatible, but accepts us for who we are. Many transgender women believe it is such a rare thing to find someone who is accepting of our true selves that they better make that relationship work because it may be very hard to find another who accepts us. I read once that "you will never find the right person as long as you are with the wrong person." It makes since because you are not out looking for the right person, because you are trying to make a relationship work with someone else. Only you and your heart know what you want. The old saying "The heart wants, what the heart wants" is so true.
Thank you everyone for the input, you've given me a lot to think about.