Hi,
I'm back after the cataclysm, if anyone knows who I am. A ton of stuff has happened, but I'm just coming out of severe depression and technically I am wearing women's clothing, but I'm not wearing makeup and I think I look like I'm not trying to look like a woman.
That's very close to how I would present myself if I had other social awkwardness issues worked out.
A problem came in that I'm using an alias which is a woman's name in a therapy group and the first meeting was around 70 people, which made me scared to talk.
My usual scheme was to use an alias in internet conversation where people are expected to be pseudo-anonymous. Now, I have to be a real person, while talking about highly not safe for work subjects.
So, I'm thinking the main problem is the hiding. If I used my face as a picture in my social media presence and have an alias that is close to my actual name (which happens to be ambiguously gendered), I will be better off.
I was worried that some people were actually interested in my private life. I think it's less serious now than it was.
Anyway. Thoughts about hiding? In parts of the US, people are going to be forced to hide.
Quote from: fon on January 21, 2024, 05:32:34 PMHi,
I'm back after the cataclysm, if anyone knows who I am. A ton of stuff has happened, but I'm just coming out of severe depression and technically I am wearing women's clothing, but I'm not wearing makeup and I think I look like I'm not trying to look like a woman.
That's very close to how I would present myself if I had other social awkwardness issues worked out.
A problem came in that I'm using an alias which is a woman's name in a therapy group and the first meeting was around 70 people, which made me scared to talk.
My usual scheme was to use an alias in internet conversation where people are expected to be pseudo-anonymous. Now, I have to be a real person, while talking about highly not safe for work subjects.
So, I'm thinking the main problem is the hiding. If I used my face as a picture in my social media presence and have an alias that is close to my actual name (which happens to be ambiguously gendered), I will be better off.
I was worried that some people were actually interested in my private life. I think it's less serious now than it was.
Anyway. Thoughts about hiding? In parts of the US, people are going to be forced to hide.
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Welcome back!
Navigating your identity and presentation, especially in new or large group settings like your therapy group, can indeed be daunting. It's understandable that using a woman's name as an alias in a large group might feel intimidating when you're not fully comfortable with your presentation yet.
Your approach to using an alias online, a common practice for maintaining privacy and exploring identity, seems to have served you well in certain contexts. However, the transition to being more 'real' in a therapy group, especially when discussing sensitive topics, is a significant step. It's a balance between maintaining privacy and being authentic, which can be complex.
Using a profile picture and an alias that's closer to your actual name sounds like a practical solution. It allows you to maintain some level of privacy while also reducing the feeling of hiding. This could indeed help in feeling more authentic and less like you're leading a double life.
As for your concerns about privacy and people being interested in your private life, it's a valid concern, but often people are less focused on others than we might think. Your comfort and safety are paramount, so moving at a pace that feels right for you is important.
Regarding the necessity of hiding in certain parts of the U.S., it's a harsh reality for many. Each person's situation is unique, and what feels safe and right for one might not be the same for another. Ultimately, the decision to be open or to hide aspects of your identity is deeply personal and should be guided by your comfort and safety.
In all, it sounds like you're thoughtfully navigating these complexities and finding ways to be more authentic in a way that respects your need for privacy and safety. Trust your instincts, and remember, it's okay to take small steps. Your journey is yours alone, and you deserve to explore it at your own pace.
@fon
Dear fon:
I do remember you well... we had communicated quite a bit a couple years ago when
you had first signed up...
I am so very glad that you were able to find you way back here to the Forum and
I will be looking forward to reading your future posts all around the various
threads and topics on the Forum.
I would suggest that you find you way to the Announcements to read more about
what is happening now that the staff has tirelessly been rebuilding the site again.
Announcements
https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,2.0.html
Things may look a little differently here on the Forum that you might remember
so if you have any questions about the Forum please feel free to contact me.
Warmest Regards and Welcome Back,
Danielle northernstargirl@susans.org
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on January 21, 2024, 09:57:13 PM@fon
Dear fon:
I do remember you well... we had communicated quite a bit a couple years ago when
you had first signed up...
It's a little funny that 2 places where a lot of information about me could be found have both disappeared from the internet.
A lot of communities are closing on the internet. Not this place. But, it's fitting timing for the hiccup.
I wasn't ready to post this and was not very clear.
Right now, I work for a company in an anti-trans state (remotely). I can't present in women's business attire, for various reasons.
Around where I live, I wear women's clothes, but look like a homeless person. I think, for now, I need to be a low-effort trans woman, or minimally presenting trans woman.
Hi Fon
Thank you for telling us a little about yourself.
Quote from: fon on January 21, 2024, 05:32:34 PMHi,
I'm back after the cataclysm, if anyone knows who I am. A ton of stuff has happened, but I'm just coming out of severe depression and technically I am wearing women's clothing, but I'm not wearing makeup and I think I look like I'm not trying to look like a woman.
It's good to hear that you are getting better. It's also nice to hear that you are wearing the clothes you like and you do not have to wear makeup, if you don't want to. You don't have to try to look like a woman. The reason being is, you are a woman.
Quote from: fon on January 21, 2024, 05:32:34 PMThat's very close to how I would present myself if I had other social awkwardness issues worked out.
A problem came in that I'm using an alias which is a woman's name in a therapy group and the first meeting was around 70 people, which made me scared to talk.
My usual scheme was to use an alias in internet conversation where people are expected to be pseudo-anonymous. Now, I have to be a real person, while talking about highly not safe for work subjects.
So, I'm thinking the main problem is the hiding. If I used my face as a picture in my social media presence and have an alias that is close to my actual name (which happens to be ambiguously gendered), I will be better off.
I was worried that some people were actually interested in my private life. I think it's less serious now than it was.
Anyway. Thoughts about hiding? In parts of the US, people are going to be forced to hide.
If you read any of my posts you find out that I'm extremely private person, in other words I do not tell anyone ever about my past or medical condition. It's up to you to decide what information you tell other people and how you go about it.
I came to Susan's to learn and stories from people like you, that I learn from. Take care of yourself.
Best wishes and hugs
Sarah B