Were you cross dressing before you realized you were transgender (MTF)?
Many are transgender. However, many simply remain as only crossdressers. Which are you and when did you know for sure what you were (transgender or cross dresser only)?
Note that if you are MTF or FTM, if you dress in your gender conforming clothes, you are not actually crossdressing. At least, I do not think so.
I did .. minimal, hidden, barely enough to be considered a cross-dresser by definition. The desire to dress differently was there yet not realized. I had no awareness of being trans at that time. My becoming self-aware had nothing to do with how I dressed, or even conscious thought for that matter.
Nope, I can remember a lot more of my younger years now. The years when I knew I was a girl and had it bashed out of me (not physically) and I can safely say I dressed as a girl whenever I could until it was found out and shut down. I was never a cross dresser.
Jessica xxx
I did but not the way most people think of cross-dressing.
I noticed some men's clothing was uncomfortable, rough, and scratchy, and I didn't like it. I was shopping for long underwear, getting ready for some winter gold prospecting. The men's were so over-priced I decided to not buy them. As I was leaving to go to a different store, I passed a display for women's thermal undershirts. They felt so soft and lightweight, and cost less than the men's thermals, so I bought two.
I was delighted with how they fit, felt, and kept me warm. It never occurred to me that it might be considered cross-dressing. After getting and finally accepting my diagnosis of GD, I began to experiment. I was so amazed at how comfortable women's clothing was compared to men's. They fit better, felt nice on the skin, and had pretty colors or patterns. Why hadn't I considered this before?
Well, I know why. I was so caught up in being the manly man, it would have been unthinkable.
Lori,
Our clothing options certainly are nice, appealing, and can be comfortable for sure.
Chrissy
Lori,
It is so nice to be at work dressed appropriately.
I have on a ruffle front purple blouse (which looks nice with a skirt) but I am wearing a feminine pantsuit. It is actually nice pants and a blazer that go together well.
Definitely a nice professional look today.
Chrissy
No,not at all.
I did from 13 onwards (early 1971 a few months after my birthday). Mum gave me a bag of old clothes to take to the church jumble sale & I took the ones I liked for myself & hid them. I also experimented with makeup.
A few weeks after my 21st birthday I realised I was transgender. I'd often daydreamed of starting a new school as a girl since 7ish.I hated boys haircuts, sports, I was often bullied for being a cissy until I fought back big style at 14ish. I wondered why I could never get a long term girlfriend. I became a hard drinking, brawling poolshooting bad a** girl & boy chasing biker to hide myself.Iwas working on my Triumph motorcycle in late 1978 in a freezing garage. it was so cold I did 30 minutes on 10 minutes inside to warm up. I saw a piece in the paper on a transwoman who had a near identical life to mine & the penny finally dropped! It wasn't going to go away no matter how many drugs I took or how much I drank!
Oh goodness YES! I considered myself "just" a crossdresser for about 10-15 years. I suppose during that time I also used the archaic, ->-bleeped-<- label as well. I know, the horror! I look at things now and understand that I have had some sort of obvious gender variance my entire life, I just called it different things prior to starting to receive actual gender therapy. Now I just see it all as a variant of being transgender. Currently my official can label reads, transexual female. Again, the horror! I know, what is wrong with me? Yes I am transgender, however my specific form of transgender happens to be transexual. I've read my therapist's and doctor's notes for my surgeries and yup, that TS word is everywhere, so you kinda gotta get used to it, imo.
This is the exact 'crossroads' I am at currently, any tips on discovering which path is the correct one?
I have cross dressed all my life. When ever alone in the house I would go to my secrete stash and play out a fantasy, where I was the girl. Then I'd be riddled with guilt and shame for what I had done. Swear I would never do it again, then repeat a few weeks latter. Over and over again. Now that I am out, no more shame and guilt, just acceptance of this is who I am. Dressing up is a daily thing and just feels right.
Only you can determine the correct path but a good mental health counselor can be a great tool.
Gina
Never liked female dresses as much as male's. For me most suitable were unisex or sport clothes, which I wear usually. And another thing is that currently my pass doesn't allow me wearing female dresses.
Quote from: Justanother on May 26, 2024, 11:18:23 AMThis is the exact 'crossroads' I am at currently, any tips on discovering which path is the correct one?
The only person who can determine your path is you.
My best advice would be to seek out a therapist experienced in gender identity. Gender expression can be confusing. A therapist can answer your questions and help you understand what you need to best make an educated decision. It is your life and you should live it in a way that makes you a happy person.
Some find that occasionally dressing up is enough. Some discover that they really want to fully transition. That path is yours to discover, but you will not be all alone. With a therapist to help you with learning and overcoming obstacles, and everyone here at Susan's Place offering support and information, you can enjoy exploring that part of your identity.
Welcome to Susan's Place!
Hi Kate Lori has basically said what I was going to say and she said:
Quote from: LoriDee on May 26, 2024, 01:31:10 PMThe only person who can determine your path is you.
My best advice would be to seek out a therapist experienced in gender identity. Gender expression can be confusing. A therapist can answer your questions and help you understand what you need to best make an educated decision. It is your life and you should live it in a way that makes you a happy person.
Some find that occasionally dressing up is enough. Some discover that they really want to fully transition. That path is yours to discover, but you will not be all alone. With a therapist to help you with learning and overcoming obstacles, and everyone here at Susan's Place offering support and information, you can enjoy exploring that part of your identity.
Welcome to Susan's Place!
I will repeat what Lori said and that is; "the only person who can determine your path is you", and only you can decide that, as long as it makes you happy.
Yes, welcome again to Susan's and all the best for the future.
Love and HugsSarah BOfficial Greeter
Hi Everyone
Cross dressing does not mean that you are a 'cross dresser'. I was never into 'cross dressing'. I only dressed because it felt right.
So during the 1980's I established my wardrobe and I wore those clothes from time to time and, the style of clothing I liked came from women's magazines and not from the women around me.
The last couple of years I was wearing female clothing more and more when I was by myself, which was not often and still it felt right, although I knew that the general consensus about 'cross dressing', was frowned upon.
I certainly did not know about androgynous clothing and I only knew that there were only male and female clothing at the time and wearing female clothing on the outside was not possible. That is until the two Christmas periods 1987 and 1988, where Sarah was final released on the unsuspecting world!
From Feb 1989 and to this day, Sarah has never 'cross dressed' and she no intention of doing so!
Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
PS I have never 'crossed dressed', before I changed my life around and no I'm not 'transgender or MTF'. I have always been female.
I had to laugh when I was reading my post and everyone else's about cross dressing. I had said this to my therapist some time ago and he responded with lets not call it crossdressing anymore and refer to it as dressing as your authentic self! This way of thinking was very liberating and removed the shame and guilt that had plagued me my whole life.
Quote from: Gina P on May 27, 2024, 06:13:04 AMI had to laugh when I was reading my post and everyone else's about cross dressing. I had said this to my therapist some time ago and he responded with lets not call it crossdressing anymore and refer to it as dressing as your authentic self! This way of thinking was very liberating and removed the shame and guilt that had plagued me my whole life.
That is a good perspective to take Gina.
Chrissy
Most crossdressers are cis-men who enjoy "playing" with female clothes, shoes make-up etc.
But many also live with a form of dysphoria, sometimes along their whole lifetime. I would place them in a sort of grey area at the border between crossdressing and transgender.
I was one of them, till I had to come to terms with my dysphoria and eventually accepting my transgender nature (it was in the middle of my 50s y.o.).
So, yes, I was a crossdresser before understanding and accepting that I am a transgender. Many others that I know followed this path in their lives.
Ciao
Roberta
Yes. I would consider my crossdressing exploring my inner feelings although I did not realize it at the time. I remember trying on panty hose as a child when no one was home. Fast forward a few decades, I bought a wig, some underwear, clothes and clip on earrings. I wore them a few times around the house. At some point I felt guilt and shame then purged them into the dumpster. But the urge to buy more would always return. I remember when some magazines showed up at Tower Record store. They were Transformation and Tapestry. I started buying them every month and reading them cover to cover. I would go through phases of underdressing and purging. The more this went on the more I realized that it was more than crossdressing. Especially when I would catch myself daydreaming what my life would have been like if I transitioned at an early age. The realization that I was a transwoman was an awakening. And the fact that I lived my life pleasing others and burying my needs and feelings was a real eye opener.
When I was 11 or 12 years old, I wore mum's new dress and put on the makeup she kept in a closet. When i looked in the mirror, I was overwhelmed by this desire to be loved by a man. That was when I knew I was transgender.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 08, 2024, 12:45:26 PMWere you cross dressing before you realized you were transgender (MTF)?
Many are transgender. However, many simply remain as only crossdressers. Which are you and when did you know for sure what you were (transgender or cross dresser only)?
Note that if you are MTF or FTM, if you dress in your gender conforming clothes, you are not actually crossdressing. At least, I do not think so.
This is a really interesting question. Because I think the answer, for me, is yes. Although at the time I did not see it that way. See, when I was a kid, my best friends were my next door neighbours. Two girls. And we used to have so much fun making rosewater perfume (which was utterly pathetic), plastering makeup on each other like Homer Simpson with the makeup gun, and walking round in our mum's high heels, mimicking 80's Bonnie Tyler power ballads. At the time there was literally nothing wrong with that. It was just what we did. I never thought anything of it. They never thought anything of it. It was natural.
The thing is... it
felt natural. Before the mess of growing up. Going through all the stuff that made you different even if you didn't want to be. After that, no. Mostly because it never felt enough. It felt fake. It felt like acting. It felt like... I can't even put it into words. Not enough? Maybe. Maybe not wanting to because of the realisation of however much you tried, you were never going to be the person you wanted to be? I don't know. I think it was a whole different mindset to people who crossdress, honestly. And there's nothing wrong with that. It just was not for me outside of that childhood period because... I don't really know. To quote the OG Final Fantasy 7: "You look like a bear in a sailor suit!"
Just wasn't for me.
Yes. I was cross dressing since the age of 12, I stopped refusing to accept that I was trans until my 40's. I was deep into internalized transphobia and deeply denied myself.
Quote from: Athena on August 22, 2024, 04:43:36 PMI stopped refusing to accept that I was trans until my 40's. I was deep into internalized transphobia and deeply denied myself.
Athena, can I ask what internalized transphobia is? What it equates to in how you feel about yourself? I see this term used a lot but I really don't understand what it means. It feels to me like jargon. PR speak. I know it isn't and that's why I'm asking. What does this feel like?
Mainly hating yourself for being trans. Trying to isolate from anything trans. Also taking out self loathing on others who remind you of your truth.
A friend came out as trans before I was willing to accept the truth about myself and I reacted poorly. I feel ashamed now and I wish I didn't push her away.
Dear ChrissyRyan,
As a closeted cross-dresser my earliest memories were from maybe 5 or 6 (?) when I secretly enjoyed wearing my mother's slips and girdles (well THAT places me in time, doesn't it?). An only child in the country, I didn't have the opportunities that others mention of playful sisters or girls who were encouraging friends.
And from the "Standard Definitions" (which just don't seem right to me) I fit the "->-bleeped-<-" definition rather than the "cross-dresser" definition since there tends to be a strong sexual element when I "dress"and transform into my other self.
And the female part of me is happily content to remain hidden within, letting me get on with the day to day hassles of living. But she is always in the background and certainly does blossom when the right times come. We are friends, two entities sharing one body. Occasionally I consider the possibility of "reincarnation" with the two of us having been intertwined for eons.
So when did the "realization" of "transgender" arrive? Again, I fit the "standard definition" without really believing that I do since I believe in the "duality" of my existence - I am somewhat amused at the thought of one entity within desiring to overwhelm and destroy the other. We are dear friends and appreciate what the other does for us.
So there's my experience for you to reflect upon. Love, Caroline.
Yes. IIRC I spent my first 7 years of my life in a farm with my paternal grandparents, 2 sisters, 5 female cousins, and 2 aunts as my parents were away for business and they would only take my older brother with them, my younger brother was not born at the time. I remember vaguely playing and dressing up with them as the girls were all around my age.
At around 30 years old, I began going into my ex's wardrobe when she wasn't home or was away for work and I was alone in the house. When it all began I thought it was just cross-dressing and I identify as just a cross-dresser at the time.
Now, I am no longer a cross-dresser, and I learned that there's an internal part of me that is way more and beyond just clothes.
Quote from: Carolina on August 22, 2024, 10:27:06 PMSo when did the "realization" of "transgender" arrive? Again, I fit the "standard definition" without really believing that I do since I believe in the "duality" of my existence - I am somewhat amused at the thought of one entity within desiring to overwhelm and destroy the other. We are dear friends and appreciate what the other does for us.
I find this quite fascinating because it sounds almost like you are describing what the Native Americans call "Two-Spirit".
Traditionally, the term applied to masculine females and feminine males. Such people have always been considered special and are often revered as prophets, teachers, and healers. Now in modern times with the acceptance of the LGBTQ Community, the definition of "two-spirit" has been expanded.
"Two-spirit" refers to a person who identifies as having both a masculine and a feminine spirit, and is used by some Indigenous people to describe their sexual, gender and/or spiritual identity.
Two-Spirit Community (https://lgbtqhealth.ca/community/two-spirit.php#:~:text=%E2%80%9CTwo%2Dspirit%E2%80%9D%20refers%20to,gender%20and%2For%20spiritual%20identity.)
Quote from: Athena on August 22, 2024, 08:14:21 PMMainly hating yourself for being trans. Trying to isolate from anything trans. Also taking out self loathing on others who remind you of your truth.
A friend came out as trans before I was willing to accept the truth about myself and I reacted poorly. I feel ashamed now and I wish I didn't push her away.
Thank you for this. I see people talking about it a lot but never understand what it means since I never felt it personally.
So it's, essentially, an adverse reaction to the point of hatred. Going the total other way on the scale of who you are, in an effort to make it go away. I think I understand now.
That is the way it is with me. I was in denial so badly that I wanted to have the money to go to the dark web to find someone to forcefully transition me into female but I was adamant that I wasn't trans. I was that deep in denial.
Thanks for sharing out.
Chrissy