Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Firstly I have just accepted that I am woman. I have been ignoring this and repressing it for a while.

I know there is no such thing as a typical transition guideline or "route". That everyone transitions differently to best meet their needs.

My question is what seems to be the most common first steps of transitioning.

For me I feel I'd want to try to transition as quietly and secretly as possible. Getting on low dose hrt, getting hair removal going, possibly getting an orchiectomy, before doing anything that is really noticable like breast augmentation or FFS.

Unfortunately I know most surgeon require a lot before they proceed with any surgery that is irreversible. Like for instance living as the opposite gender for a whole year, being on HRT for a whole year, having support letters etc.

I know I won't pass. I am very masculine. I have also been bodybuilding for over 24 years of my life and have also been on and off steroids for over 10 years. I feel I most likely did that as a way to repress the woman inside, just like everything else I did that is considered what a man should do.

That being said I know it should not be about passing, it should be about mental and physical health. But let's face it, passing and having beauty helps in the real world.

At best I would be viewed as a large muscular female bodybuilder. I could never be that slender image of what society says women should look like.  So that's why I'd want to do all transitional procedures that can't be seen first before I have to give the world and everyone I know a sudden surprise wake up when I am suddenly a woman and not a man that they have known and is use to interacting with on a daily basis for years.

Any advice and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you everyone. I'm really lost and I feel my emotional, and mental health are degrading fast each day.

No.

@Robbyv213

There is a list I posted on my blog that is a generic MtF guide. You may not want all of them or any of them. I just used it as a checklist for my purposes.

My list

Social transitioning:

Coming out to friends and family as transgender
Asking people to use preferred pronouns
Going by a different name
Dressing/grooming in ways that match gender identity
Cosmetic prostheses (wigs, breast forms, etc.)
Changing all legal documents

Medical transition:
Mental Health Evaluation
Hormone therapy
Hair removal (face, body, genital hair if preparing for surgery)
Voice training
Breast augmentation (implants)
Orchiectomy
Tracheal shave
Facial feminization surgery
Vaginoplasty

Not everyone will follow this list. Not everyone, including me, will want everything on this list. It is just a generic list for MtF transition.

The very first step is the Mental Health Evaluation. It serves its purpose. You will need a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria before providers will do anything, including hormone therapy. Another reason for this is to make certain that Gender Dysphoria is what is happening and you do not have some other condition that might affect your thinking and behavior. So that is STEP ONE.

Everything else on the list is optional and can be done in any order. This is merely a planning guide and does not apply to everyone. So take it with a grain of salt.

I hope this helps.

The biggest variable is the availability of money to pay for surgery, though a few girls need it so bad that they will take the risk of having it done in Asia with a bargain basement operation.  More typically girls will get whatever insurance or VA benefits will provide.  It may be worth changing jobs to obtain the insurance you need.

Those here seem to better off than  most in terms of the health benefits they have.

@Robbyv213
Dear Robby:
Thank you for writing about your transitioning questions.....
My best is advice is the following....

First, seek a therapist.  If you can find one with Gender Identity and Transitioning
experience that is even better.

Secondly, take some to time to read the many and various threads posted by our members. 
You might wish to read several of the ongoing Blog Threads that some members have used as
their personal diaries of their own transition experiences.     
                                        Member Blogs
Click Link -->  https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,326.0.html

When reading the members blogs I would suggest that you start out reading the earliest dated
initial postings that were submitted when they started their blog thread.   

Lots of good and helpful information that our members share.

I am aware that you recently registered as a member of Susan's Place and the Forum and
were officially welcomed by our Official Greeter @LoriDee  .... please be certain to carefully
read the new member information that she provided for you in her Welcome Message on
the Roll Call thread.

I wish to give you my warm Welcome.  I will be eagerly looking for your future postings as
you feel comfortable sharing.

Warm Regards, and Welcome to Susan's Place and the Forum
Danielle  [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

cc:  @LoriDee  @Sarah B

Thank you everyone for the responses and advice

No. Everyone has their own way of transitioning and the steps they need or want to complete. Other than often certain steps are needed to have access to other steps informed consent can help get around early obstacles. I  agree that often therapy is a great early step because can help you all the way along as come across different issues or situations you are facing. Hugs
Mariah

While there is no "typical" way to transition, it is helpful to learn about how other people did it so you can make up your own mind what might / will work for you.  So this is how I did it.  I'm not saying you should do the same, but this approach worked for me.

Once I knew who I was, I knew I wanted to transition as quickly and smoothly as possible.  My approach was to get HRT started, and, once my appearance hopefully started to become a bit androgynous, to then transition socially.

The first step was getting a therapist, because, here, you can't get HRT or surgery without a letter from a therapist.  Although public mental health programs would provide therapy for free, the waiting list was too long for me, so I paid out of my pocket for the therapy. 

Once I had my letter from the therapist, I was referred to a qualified doctor for the hormones.  Once I was on HRT, I knew that timing would become important.  I wanted to transition socially before my breasts grew to questionable (for a male) size, but after they were large enough to be plausible for a female.  In my case, that took three months. 

During all that time, I was dressing female at home and at the trans support group, and male elsewhere.

At the point where my physical transition was suitable, I burned my bridges, announced to various groups that I was a member of that I was female and wished to be addressed as Kathy, and started wearing female clothes full-time. 

I immediately applied for an official name change, then started getting all my documents in order.  That took a couple of years, the last holdout being my birth certificate.  Conflicting regulations in two different jurisdictions made that a hassle, but I got it done eventually.

During that time, I started the process of getting approved for surgery.  I opted for vulvoplasty, but the choice of surgeries is highly variable because it is highly personal.  That is where talking to a therapist is most helpful, because they will help you to decide what your goals are and what you need to have done to meet them.

My electrologist shared this gem with me — it's from another trans client of hers, and I think it's wonderful. This is my version of that:

Transition is like a cross-country vacation trip. At the start, maybe everyone thinks the idea is to go coast-to-coast. But people will map out different routes, some people will make several stops along the way. And in the end, some people do go coast to coast, while others just make it part-way. But everyone goes exactly as far as makes them happy.

My wife was accepting enough to talk about female social issues from her perspective growing up with sisters.  That seems to be an awfully rare occurrence.

Marion

Hi Everyone

No, there is no typical transition guideline or route.  Not everyone transitions,  I never transitioned.

Here is brief summary on how I changed my life around.  I have always wanted or longed to be a female and from 1980 to 1988 those feeling grew stronger and stronger.  So long story short, I changed my life around when I was 30 years old and the following is what happened:

•    Arrived in Sydney Feb 1989.
•    Immediately I changed my name legally In Feb 1989
•    I then changed my names on my legal documents as soon as possible.
•    In Mar 1989 I was on hormones.
•    In Mar 1989 I saw my first psychiatrist .
•    Before end of April 1989 I was working full time as a female.
•    In May 1990 I saw my second psychiatrist and my first surgery letter.
•    In May 1990 my second surgery letter came from my endocrinologist.
•    After May 1990 my third surgery letter came from my first psychiatrist.
•    Finally, in Feb 1991 I had my surgery, so that I could function as a female.

However, you might say, but that's a 'transition'?  No it's Not.  The words with 'trans' were not around or I was not aware of them at the time, when I changed my life around, except for the word transsexual.

All I did from Feb 1989 onwards was, I changed my clothing and lived my life as a female and have done so ever since.  Along the way I sought medical treatments that was absolutely necessary to be able to function as a female.  It was not until I was 51 that I realised, that I have always been female.  I found this out from Susan's.

Reading your posts, it's hard to say where you need to start.  However, if you want to achieve your dream, then there are two things that you need to do to help you along the way and they are:

•    Start HRT as soon as possible using a 'doctor' who specializes in gender related issues and uses 'informed consent'. Using this method will allow you to get HRT sooner.  The following link may help you in finding a 'doctor' that does Informed Consent Locations (https://www.them.us/story/informed-consent-hrt-map-trans-healthcare)
•    Remove your facial hair

As for the social stuff, I did not really learn anything, putting on makeup came easy, speaking, I spoke with a quite voice, doing my hair, I had long hair, so that came easy as well and socializing with others, well I already knew how to do that.  I did not change my personality, I was basically a private, quiet and reserved person.  I just presented myself as me.  Everything I did came naturally for me.

For medical the only treatments I had was facial hair removed and of course surgery.

Lori's list is a very good indication of what treatments or things you may need to do to achieve your dreams.

I hope that what I have mentioned, has given you some food for thought.  It is important for you to understand that it is up to you and only you that can decide what you are going to do in the future.

Take care and all the best for the future and if you need help then please do not hesitate to ask.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

We are all different.  We do all have similar experiences.  We make react to them differently.  We have different circumstances.

Wishing you the best results!

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, and advice.

As each day goes by I have to urge to transition more.and more, as quickly as I can.


 I really don't want to wait any long or waste any more time. Unfortunately I'm not sure where my wife stands on this and she has just as.much to lose as I do. She fears she could.lose.custodet of her daughter if I came.out and started to transition. So at the earliest I'd have to wait an additional 4 more years when she is 18 and legally an adult. I am not sure I can wait that long, and there is no guarantee that my wife and I will stay married if I transition anyways. I feel the longer I wait the more crazy things the woman Inside will do so that I can not ignore her any longer.

I know no one is ever fully ready and there is never a perfect time for anything..we can be waiting our entire lives for the right moment that will never come. I am afraid I could lose my wife, but I don't think I could live with myself if I was the cause of her losing custody of her daughter bc I needed to transition.

If you have a surviving divorced spouse, they could get the same Social Security benefits as your surviving spouse if that marriage lasted 10 years or more.

I was able to collect on her benefits when I turned 60.  Later on I can switch to my benefits.

The law is pretty cut and dried where it comes to the rights and responsibilies of married partners.
Not so much when folks are living together.  It can be a big mess sorting things out  an un-married partner passes away.

Quote from: Robbyv213 on May 13, 2024, 10:11:06 AMShe fears she could.lose.custodet of her daughter if I came.out and started to transition.

Robby,

It is good that you are considering the effect your transition will have on others. I am afraid that this is one of those situations where you will need to be a bit more selfish. You must put your own mental health first. You won't be doing anyone any good if you don't.

I do not understand why your wife thinks she could lose custody of her child if you transition. I think that is an unrealistic fear. Your transitioning does not put the child in any danger. There will be people who do not approve, but there are laws against discrimination based on gender identity. Once your mental health professional gives you a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria, no government agency, including a court, can discriminate against you because you are transgender. It sounds strange, but you are actually more protected by being "out" than when in stealth.

For your wife to lose custody, someone (whoever is complaining) must prove that the child is in danger. Just because they disapprove of you being around is not grounds for removal.

You will encounter many situations like this that will seem like obstacles blocking you from transitioning. 90% of the things we worry about never happen. Focus on what you want to accomplish. Then focus on what you need to do to make it happen. It won't be easy, but if it is what you need to live a free and happy life, it is certainly worth it.

Again, I urge you to have a therapist help guide you through this. Preferably one with experience in gender diversity. Work on communication with your wife. She needs to know what you are going through and how much it affects you. A therapist can help you both get through this. If she feels that she can't handle it after discussing it with a therapist, the therapist can help you deal with that situation too. I think she might be willing to try to understand so that you two can stay together. You will need to help her understand. You are not alone in this.

Hugs!

Thank you Lori, I do not know the laws that well. I have scheduled more appointments with my gender identity therapist. I had recently cancelled them all, prob trying to ignore and repress everything, there are many days where I don't want to face the light and everything that may or may not happen when I do.

I am glad you rescheduled your therapy appointments. I understand that reluctance. I felt that way too sometimes. I did not suspect I might be transgender, I only knew that I wanted to find out what was "wrong" with me. When the therapist suggested Gender Dysphoria, I didn't know what they meant. When he explained I might be transgender, I rejected it.

It turns out that I had bad information about what that actually means. I spent two years in therapy before I finally accepted that this is who I am and began my transition. I have no regrets and I am the happiest I have been in my life. I don't mean to keep harping on it, but as a retired therapist myself and my own experience, I know what a great help therapy can be. Look forward to it and you will benefit from it.