How much longer do you think that you can you pretend to be a male if you are a MTF woman? Is it becoming harder to be in any situation where it "makes sense" to be thought of as a man? Does it hurt emotionally at times to have to go through with this nonsense?
For those of you who have yet to transition, this may be an ongoing all the time angst.
For those of us who have been transitioning for a long time but who have not fully transitioned, these can be very uncomfortable situations.
Even after you have come out to everyone important to you, it is disheartening to have to put up this false front at times when you want to avoid what you think may be a potentially uncomfortable situation for some others or for yourself.
There will come a point in time you will not care what they think or experience. Until you do, you may have these uncomfortable moments. Do you still pretend to be male, and why?
Chrissy
Once my "egg cracked" (i.e. once I realized who I really was), I was like, "Aargh! Get me out of here." I lasted six months, just enough to make sure it was true, before I came out to my wife. It took another 10 months after that to get all the wheels in motion, start HRT, and be ready to go public.
For those months, the false front was getting harder and harder. Continuing to pretend to be male (and hide my developing breasts) was depressing. I did it because I wanted my public transition to be a single moment, like flicking a light switch.
In my experience, I tried very hard despite severe dysphoria, to maintain my male life. I didn't want to risk my family as I believed I would never pass as a woman. I succeeded until the years of stress destroyed my health, and my doctors said I needed to transition or risk death. Even then, I initially chose to take my chances rather than face the prospect of losing everyone. It took strong argument from my doctor and ex to get me back on hormones.
But I have a different understanding of my condition. I don't see myself as male or female, but a person with a part of my brain which causes gender incongruence, and subsequently, dysphoria. So I didn't feel I was pretending to be male, I was, and still am, just me. Early in my life I recognised that I had something which caused me gender incongruence, and I only ever wanted to be rid of it. Medically transitioning almost achieved that, so my goal was achieved. Social transition simply cost me more than I was willing to lose, and it was made more challenging because I never saw myself as female, so I didn't have a social goal. In retrospect, I think hormones and GRS would have reduced my dysphoria enough, and maybe I didn't need to socially transition, but my surgeon had a requirement to be living as a woman before he would operate.
Hugs,
Allie
It is now totally awkward to use the men's room. Now I have to use the ladies room.
It has been like this before COVID. It took a while to make the transition!
I lasted maybe 2 months before I came out at home. By 4th month, everyone in my circle knew. I made small presentation changes immediately and increased as I felt I needed it.
I think I took about three months to start with little things gradually, but by six months I was out everywhere and going by Lori. By one year, there was no hiding the girls, so I just wore tighter-fitting tops and spent more time on hair and makeup before going outside my apartment.
I am still having to stay male when at home with K. And, Oh, it's so hard, but I have my coping mechanisms and it's only temporary.
First, I know darn well who I am, and it's only clothes. The clothes I have to wear when with K.
Second, I have my nails and jewellery and I male fail a lot of time, with un-hideable boobs.
Third, Often it's only weekends as I am away for the week for work.
Forth, all my correspondence and docs are in my name.
I have been doing it for years and strange in one respect is I for some time now do not recognise my Deadname, it's as if they are not talking to me but someone else. Of course k only calls me by my deadname and I have to think, oh she is talking to me.
I cannot see it changing anytime soon.
Jessica
I am still very much living as male. I recently started seeing a therapist and come to accept the fact that these thoughts and feelings aren't going away since I've had them all my life. Everyday it seems to get a little bit more difficult and harder to deal with I tell my wife that I'm fine and everything's okay but she knows better before she probably thought that I was just sad or depressed for no reason but now I feel she knows that I'm sad and depressed for not being able to truly be myself.
Unfortunately I am nowhere close to being ready to transition and if I don't want to lose my family then I have to be able to transition at a pace that my wife can tolerate as well. Granted who knows if she'll be able to cope and make compromise and adjust to me transitioning or I could end up losing her either way in the end who knows.
All I know is that everyday it is harder to find positive things and be happy versus just existing in a life which seems like I'm just waiting to dive to hopefully be reincarnated as a woman. Lol.
I've never really had or been passionate about many things in my life and the things that I have I'm losing interest in. Most days it's hard to even concentrate and focus on work.
There's so much going on with me and there's so much going on with my wife both at work and at home that we never find the right time to talk about all this. I honestly feel she hopes that it's just a phase and that this will go away but I for one know it's not and that it won't because I've been trying to ignore it all my life and yet it's still here.
I'm not sure how much longer I can take or last before something gives or something breaks. Usually I see or speak with my therapist every other week and that usually helps and gives me hope and perspective on things especially for the future. But as time goes on and days pass after I met with my therapist that hope seems to fade and run out a little bit quicker each time.
Hi Everyone
I never thought about my gender growing up. There were the signs, temptations and doing what I should be doing. With out anybody knowing what I was doing. This has always kept me safe.
To be honest anything I did that was even remotely male, not that there was anything overtly male in what I did. It was just a front, a facade, so I thought.
What I did do was what I liked doing anyway. So whatever I did, it was to protect me, myself and I, until Feb 1989, excluding the two Christmas stints. I was able to fully express myself for the first time in my life.
There was never any prevarication on my part, about myself, when I think about it. My whole life I have never expressed myself as a female as I don't have to. I was always a female and I did not find out this particular point until I was 51 years old.
So this, explains why I never suffered from gender dysphoria, GID or even gender incongruence. Why I never transitioned, why I never was a boy, man or male and also why I'm not and never will consider myself to be a male to female person.
Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
At about 2.5 years on HRT, plus laser hair removal on my face, I could not pass as a man at all no matter how I dressed.
@ChrissyRyan @KathyLauren @Allie Jayne @Maid Marion
@Faith @LoriDee @Jessica_K @Robbyv213 @Sarah BI wish to thank ChrissyRyan for starting this interesting
and informative Topic that is of noteworthy interest to our MTF
members here on the Forum.
I likewise have comparable responses and feelings that some of you had stated.
I would venture to say that our FTM members also may have similar thoughts.
I very much enjoyed reading all of your responses to the question posed
on this topic.
Please continue on with this affirming conversation!
Thank you for sharing.HUGS and best wishes to all of us as we continue on in our journeys.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
I have been living as a male longer than I care to think. As a child I wanted to be a girl. I remember looking at catalogs that had lingerie and wanting to be one of those models when I grew up. Well, it didn't happen as life got in the way of my dreams. Now I am in my early 60's and I am trying to find myself. I present as male at work and at most family events. I can dress up at home, I have gone out running errands a few times and I dress up going to my hair stylist. The next chapter of my life is not defined yet.
5 months after getting into an argument on which washroom I was supposed to use I finally decided to come out mostly full time. I had to explain that I had the wrong genitals to use the women's washroom. There are some times like when I have to toss cases of water around that I may still try to present as male but mostly female.
I was in a hurry when I wrote my earlier response. The point I wanted to make was that I didn't feel ready at that point. It had become practical necessity due to physical appearance changes, but I didn't feel ready. I had to jump into the deep end head first and hope for the best.
I feel like I'm always going to be male. To many challenges to overcome. For me it's a matter of how comfortable I feel when going out "dressed". It's also a matter of what my wife will let me wear out. Right now, I'm pretty comfortable in women's jeans and tops when going to work. Nothing flowery or frilly, but my bust does show. I think I'd be okay with some of my skirts and dresses but my wife would not be. There are times thought, that I'd go out and I'd be surprised with what she is okay with.
Paulie.
It is tough to think about living as a male. I have been on a short vacation and only as myself, except at the airport, and am having a good time. I will be leaving from Seattle soon to return home.
Chrissy
Indefinitely depending on your will and boob genetics
QuoteHow much longer can you pretend to be a male if you are a MTF woman?
The moment that you accept yourself as you are, you will stop pretending to be someone else.
Once you accept yourself, you are now free to live as you wish and make any changes you wish.
Or no changes at all. Take care. Be yourself, whatever that may be.
Quote from: Dani on July 17, 2024, 08:58:58 PMThe moment that you accept yourself as you are, you will stop pretending to be someone else.
This is the way.
Thanks, Dani.
I'm not sure. I had to take some paperwork into work today regarding my sick leave and I was talking to a number of women who have worked with me for years there, but hadn't seen in a while, and I could see that they were trying to figure out what has changed in me. They were thinking that I had lost weight and told me I was looking good. I was wearing sunscreen with minerals in it with makeup on top (the place has fluorescent lights galore that my UV sensitivity does not like, and with just the sunscreen I've had people ask me if I had the flu or cold, since it just gives me that (and people have said this to me) "death warmed over" or "pale as a ghost" look) and a neon yellow-green satin scrunchie in my hair. Otherwise I was boympdding.
I didn't say anything but it was nice that I could tell it that to them I was giving off a more fem vibe than a male vibe.
Be all the woman you can be!
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on June 03, 2024, 07:05:12 AMHow much longer do you think that you can you pretend to be a male if you are a MTF woman? Is it becoming harder to be in any situation where it "makes sense" to be thought of as a man? Does it hurt emotionally at times to have to go through with this nonsense?
For those of you who have yet to transition, this may be an ongoing all the time angst.
For those of us who have been transitioning for a long time but who have not fully transitioned, these can be very uncomfortable situations.
Even after you have come out to everyone important to you, it is disheartening to have to put up this false front at times when you want to avoid what you think may be a potentially uncomfortable situation for some others or for yourself.
There will come a point in time you will not care what they think or experience. Until you do, you may have these uncomfortable moments. Do you still pretend to be male, and why?
Chrissy
I think people can pretend as long as they need to. In my time here... it's been my experience that you have two kinds of people. You have people who don't care about themselves, and people who do care about themselves.
People who don't care about themselves... they are people pleasers. They have so little self-value that they only care about how other people see them. If someone else is happy with you, you're happy with yourself. They base their whole self-identity on the mirror of those around them. I suspect because their own self-belief isn't strong enough to do anything else. These kinds of people don't really feel strongly one way or the other. They only care about what other people feel about them. Because they have very little individual self-belief.
You can see this online in most spaces. People sacrifice their self worth for adoration. It's kind of sad.
QuoteEven after you have come out to everyone important to you, it is disheartening to have to put up this false front at times when you want to avoid what you think may be a potentially uncomfortable situation for some others or for yourself.
It's only uncomfortable for other people, IMO. And to be fair they can probably see through this false front. Because people aren't stupid. It's only uncomfortable for you if you want to make it uncomfortable for you. Trying to say things without saying them.. trying to be someone you, and the people around you know you are but no one wants to admit to... that's the most painful part of this whole deal. Elephants don't go away because you don't want to acknowledge them in the room. They are still there... eatin' all yo peanuts!"