Hello, everyone. I just wanted to get some coming out advice. I'm already out as transgender (but as a trans man) to my family. Father, stepmom, mother and my two brothers know. However, father and stepmom reacted really badly at the beginning, but soon everyone was respectful about my pronouns and name.
The issue is that I don't know how I'd break the news to them and I fear having to go through the hell that it was the first coming out. For more context, I'm 25 and have a steady job, so no fear of being kicked out and they don't have as much power as they used to have on me when I was younger.
What would you suggest as a way to explain being nonbinary? I'm specifically the kind who doesn't see myself as neither man nor woman. I go by he/him pronouns and am very happy with my (mostly) masculine name.
Here is an article that might help. Once you understand it clearly, it makes it easier for you to understand it.
A Guide to Understanding Gender Expressions (https://www.npr.org/2021/06/02/996319297/gender-identity-pronouns-expression-guide-lgbtq)
Quote from: LoriDee on July 12, 2024, 01:45:52 PMHere is an article that might help. Once you understand it clearly, it makes it easier for you to understand it.
A Guide to Understanding Gender Expressions (https://www.npr.org/2021/06/02/996319297/gender-identity-pronouns-expression-guide-lgbtq)
Thanks. That's a very good suggestion.
Quote from: LoriDee on July 12, 2024, 01:45:52 PMHere is an article that might help. Once you understand it clearly, it makes it easier for you to understand it.
A Guide to Understanding Gender Expressions (https://www.npr.org/2021/06/02/996319297/gender-identity-pronouns-expression-guide-lgbtq)
I meant to say, that once you understand it yourself, it makes it easier for you to explain it to others.
Apologies if it was confusing.
Quote from: LoriDee on July 12, 2024, 03:31:08 PMI meant to say, that once you understand it yourself, it makes it easier for you to explain it to others.
Apologies if it was confusing.
I understand everything really well. I don't have doubts about what these terms mean. I don't see how I came off as someone who doesn't know something about it. Mind explaining?
My apologies. I must have misunderstood.
I was thinking that if they are mostly accepting of you being transgender, then they should be able to understand non-binary if you explain what that means to them. The article was not so much for you, but as a way to explain it to them if your own words didn't make it clear for them.
Does that make sense?
Hi Darksou, I was AMAB and I also identify under the nonbinary umbrella, even though we might not share the same experiences, we do have some similarities and maybe what I have to say can help.
Quote from: darksou on July 12, 2024, 12:31:51 PMHello, everyone. I just wanted to get some coming out advice. I'm already out as transgender (but as a trans man) to my family. Father, stepmom, mother and my two brothers know. However, father and stepmom reacted really badly at the beginning, but soon everyone was respectful about my pronouns and name.
You already took a very courageous first step. It's difficult enough to explain the binary transgender identities to our friends and love ones, and I am glad that everyone was respectful with your outing. Congratulations!
QuoteThe issue is that I don't know how I'd break the news to them and I fear having to go through the hell that it was the first coming out. For more context, I'm 25 and have a steady job, so no fear of being kicked out and they don't have as much power as they used to have on me when I was younger.
What would you suggest as a way to explain being nonbinary? I'm specifically the kind who doesn't see myself as neither man nor woman. I go by he/him pronouns and am very happy with my (mostly) masculine name.
I would have a straightforward approach, and say something like "Hey everyone, I need to talk to you about something important. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my gender identity, and I've realized that I'm nonbinary. That means I don't identify as a man or a woman. I know this is different than what you're used to, but I wanted to be honest with you all."
Remember, you've already shown incredible courage, and this next step, while daunting, is a continuation of your journey to authenticity.
Quote from: LoriDee on July 12, 2024, 05:08:09 PMMy apologies. I must have misunderstood.
I was thinking that if they are mostly accepting of you being transgender, then they should be able to understand non-binary if you explain what that means to them. The article was not so much for you, but as a way to explain it to them if your own words didn't make it clear for them.
Does that make sense?
Oh. I think I got it. It's just that coming out as bisexual to them was wildly different from coming out as a trans man, so I have my fears. Part of me wonders if they're able to tolerate my transness because they assume that someday I will just be like any other guy, except that's not exactly my goal since I'm nonbinary.
Sorry if I came off as rude. It wasn't my intention at all.
Quote from: Lilis on July 12, 2024, 06:21:58 PMHi Darksou, I was AMAB and I also identify under the nonbinary umbrella, even though we might not share the same experiences, we do have some similarities and maybe what I have to say can help.
You already took a very courageous first step. It's difficult enough to explain the binary transgender identities to our friends and love ones, and I am glad that everyone was respectful with your outing. Congratulations!
I would have a straightforward approach, and say something like "Hey everyone, I need to talk to you about something important. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my gender identity, and I've realized that I'm nonbinary. That means I don't identify as a man or a woman. I know this is different than what you're used to, but I wanted to be honest with you all."
Remember, you've already shown incredible courage, and this next step, while daunting, is a continuation of your journey to authenticity.
Hm... That makes sense, yeah. Gets to the point and is short. Also, if they want to learn about it, then it will be on them. I'm just hoping they won't be any more transphobic than they used to be when I was out as a trans man.
Hi Darksou There is a member on Susan's who identifies as nonbinary and is a Significant Other (SO) and the most poignant story, she tells is in her post to
"Do you still see and hear who you used to be?" (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246893.msg2261120.html#msg2261120) and my follow up
response. (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246893.msg2262373.html#msg2262373)
If you get a chance read the rest of her two links in her signature, there is not a lot. It allowed me to understand non binary a lot more.
In one sense we are all non binary, because we all have a degree of female and male attributes within us. Which ranges from totally masculine to feminine.
Take care and happy reading!
Love and HugsSarah BOfficial Greeter@darksou@Moonflower@LoriDee
Coming out as nonbinary to family involves explaining your identity clearly, choosing the right time and place, being honest and patient, setting boundaries, and seeking support and resources for both yourself and them.
Start with "Hi <family> I am non-binary, lets talk".. I wouldn't overcomplicate things.. Most people only want the headlines anyway and the navel gazing just is not going to help :)
Quote from: Sarah B on July 12, 2024, 09:10:49 PMHi Darksou
There is a member on Susan's who identifies as nonbinary and is a Significant Other (SO) and the most poignant story, she tells is in her post to "Do you still see and hear who you used to be?" (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246893.msg2261120.html#msg2261120) and my follow up response. (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246893.msg2262373.html#msg2262373)
If you get a chance read the rest of her two links in her signature, there is not a lot. It allowed me to understand non binary a lot more.
In one sense we are all non binary, because we all have a degree of female and male attributes within us. Which ranges from totally masculine to feminine.
Take care and happy reading!
Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@darksou
@Moonflower
@LoriDee
Thanks for telling me about them. It was a very interesting read.
Quote from: SoupSarah on July 12, 2024, 11:57:29 PMComing out as nonbinary to family involves explaining your identity clearly, choosing the right time and place, being honest and patient, setting boundaries, and seeking support and resources for both yourself and them.
Start with "Hi <family> I am non-binary, lets talk".. I wouldn't overcomplicate things.. Most people only want the headlines anyway and the navel gazing just is not going to help :)
Sounds like a good suggestion. Do you think it would be a good idea to come out while hanging out with a family member?
@Sarah B Sorry for asking about this here, but can a trans person use the SO (Significant Other) thread if they also have a trans partner?
@darksou Yes. It is for SOs and if you are an SO then you may use it. Perhaps start with a brief "Hello" and explain how you are an SO to start with.
In a previous post, you asked about coming out to a family member while just hanging out. For me, it was easier to talk to one person at a time, rather than interrupt a family gathering. If in a group, and they are not supportive, you may feel like you are outnumbered and attacked. But in a one-on-one discussion, you can answer their questions and discuss it in private. I don't have any family members who live near me, so I gave each one a telephone call and talked to them about it that way.
Good luck!
Quote from: darksou on July 13, 2024, 06:00:43 AMSounds like a good suggestion. Do you think it would be a good idea to come out while hanging out with a family member?
Only you know the answer to that really - Coming out to an individual family member can be a good idea if you feel safe, believe they will be supportive and their past reactions to LGBTQ+ issues were positive..
Some tips if you do: Ensure the atmosphere is relaxed. Being prepared with what you want to say can help, and having a support system in place is beneficial. Ultimately, choose a moment that feels right and prioritize your comfort and safety.
Quote from: SoupSarah on July 13, 2024, 04:04:31 PMOnly you know the answer to that really - Coming out to an individual family member can be a good idea if you feel safe, believe they will be supportive and their past reactions to LGBTQ+ issues were positive..
Some tips if you do: Ensure the atmosphere is relaxed. Being prepared with what you want to say can help, and having a support system in place is beneficial. Ultimately, choose a moment that feels right and prioritize your comfort and safety.
Not very positive at first with me to be honest, but I'm hoping it won't be as bad as before.