I've been on hrt injections and fin for two years
I've pretty much seen as much muscle loss as I'm gonna see and what I thought was mostly muscle is mostly bone when it comes to shoulder width
I was afraid of this when I started because of how big I was pre transition
I started hitting the weights real young in my teens and a lot of the males in my family have broad shoulders so ofc my clavicle grew huge
I have a little bit of chub to loose but it's mostly a chunky gut and some fat on my arms probably from all the muscle atrophy but thats it
I'd say a good 20 to 30 lbs which isn't a whole lot so it won't take anything off my shoulders
I definitely see a difference in my delts and traps but my shoulders are still well in the male range of size so I'm screwed
I know some of its proportions and I could hit my lower body and midsection really hard with lifting but it would still look uncanny because I barely fit into even the biggest of Women's tops so I'll look ridiculous either way
I don't think I'd even be able to fit into men's anymore if I got a large BA
There's way too many benefits I've gained from medical transition to stop HRT so I'm thinking about just living as a closeted trans woman permanently and having the Keanu Reeves affect
If anyone asks why I look so young or androgynous I'll just tell them I know Reeves secret
I won't be taken serious by some people as a feminine looking guy but I don't care what people think of me
At some point it starts to affect your life especially career wise and financially
It sucks but I think I'm starting to come to terms with my body not being compatible with transition
my frame and skeleton are just too big
Does anyone else done something similar? Just live forever in the closet ?
Honey... this girl:
(https://celebnetworth.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Floor-Jansen-Net-Worth-1-1024x777.jpg)
Is 6'1". She is happiest piledriving fenceposts into the land on her farm. She walks round in heels which makes her at least 6'4" and thinks nothing of it. She's the lead singer of a metal band. Her name is Floor Jansen.
Own yourself. You're not "That freak that sets us back 10 years". You're you, okay? And you have as much right to be you as anyone else does. Women come in all shapes and sizes. That's the truth. Be your own person, and own who you are. Don't ever feel like you can't be you because you don't look a certain way. If you're you, you're you. And the only person who gets to decide that... is you.
Sweetie, you don't have to be a woman, you have to be you. That's all any of us can be.
Quote from: Sephirah on September 05, 2024, 11:59:19 PMHoney... this girl:
(https://celebnetworth.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Floor-Jansen-Net-Worth-1-1024x777.jpg)
Is 6'1". She is happiest piledriving fenceposts into the land on her farm. She walks round in heels which makes her at least 6'4" and thinks nothing of it. She's the lead singer of a metal band. Her name is Floor Jansen.
Own yourself. You're not "That freak that sets us back 10 years". You're you, okay? And you have as much right to be you as anyone else does. Women come in all shapes and sizes. That's the truth. Be your own person, and own who you are. Don't ever feel like you can't be you because you don't look a certain way. If you're you, you're you. And the only person who gets to decide that... is you.
Sweetie, you don't have to be a woman, you have to be you. That's all any of us can be.
Perspective is imporant
Her shoulders are within the female spectrum
Her proportions look great because she's cis
She looks like that because she obviously lifts and has a intense routine
(https://i.imgur.com/KzHSN7T.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/07ltxBT.jpeg)
Btw I'm pretty sure mine are wider
I'm massive, 6'1 & 1/2", 250 lbs, square face, broad shoulders, a jelly belly & a voice like Lemmy. I don't pass but I somehow blend in & am accepted. I've worked with the public as a bus/tram driver & hotel worker for nearly 20 years, in Blackpool's roughest areas with very few problems.
Be yourself, try a few outings a good distance from hoome & see how you get on
https://scontent.fman2-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/458523120_122097308120516937_2199332181679578859_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=5AfJ-fB39q8Q7kNvgFNRlAt&_nc_ht=scontent.fman2-2.fna&_nc_gid=AqNiBdgpAsZih6P3KAQ1Gcc&oh=00_AYBr9xib0yYV6fHsRnP_QIlpJtuPJ6xtGbTCUA7H0ntT0w&oe=66E0EB2E
https://scontent.fman2-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/458423856_122097126476516937_7361686416441884207_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=6ee11a&_nc_ohc=MmNbD9Xz4AoQ7kNvgEF4AEF&_nc_ht=scontent.fman2-2.fna&oh=00_AYB5nBTKf2cbT7PpIz0GVTUYsxJaJeNjxRXy5QwYU0jF3A&oe=66E0FAB1
Yes, woman of many sizes can be attractive in a visual way, an intellectual way, and in fun ways. With that said, I would love to be about five foot two and proportional with a soft, sweet, appealing female voice.
I do the next best thing: Forget about such a fantasy and do what I can to be out and about with the natural features I do have. Beauty is fleeting too, plus it is whatever appeals to a person, and that can vary a lot. I guess I prefer to look how I would like to appear, but that is not reality.
Chrissy
Own it. Dress feminine or masculine but not in the middle.
In the middle can be really sexy because you fall in the "uncanny valley" which sets of people's red flags. But, no, androgeny is not a good idea for blending in. Folks can see when someone is hiding.
First step is accepting yourself.
Then finding a look that makes you look feminine.
DG619, don't get discouraged. Hormones can do miraculous things over time. I know a 6'2" trans woman with a big build, and she is amazing! She transitioned more than a decade ago, and now is a motivational speaker, acclaimed by women's and business groups.
Read her story here https://mishsheppard.com and give yourself more time, you may well be amazed!
I also thought I was just too big in the upper body to ever pass, but recently I have been approached by men for dates, and they were surprised when I told them I was trans. We are simply too hard on ourselves because we are super self conscious. Give it time!
Hugs,
Allie
Hugs,
Allie
Quote from: DG619 on September 05, 2024, 11:38:19 PMI was afraid of this when I started because of how big I was pre transition
I resemble your condition... I went full time and had SRS over 20 years ago...
I am doing better than I thought I could in the passing department, but not as well as I wanted... I still do get read even now and it does affect my life and I wish it did not.
But I don't think I could have survived without transitioning and by other measures I have a good life.
- Karen
Quote from: Karen_A on September 06, 2024, 07:23:58 AMI resemble your condition... I went fill time and had SRS over 20 years ago...
I doing better than I thought I could in the passing department, but not as well as I wanted... I still do get read even now and i does affect my life and I wish it did not.
But I don't think I could have survived without transiting and by other measures I have a good life.
- Karen
I appreciate your feelings. I am glad you have had a good life too. Being read is not affirming that is for sure.
Thanks you for sharing out.
Hugs,
Chrissy
My body frame is too a major concern of mine, one of the things holding me back to transition. I have issues seeing my male self in mirrors. Mother Nature was kind enough to give me a real "hunk' frame, large rib cage, wide shoulders, but had that weird sense of humor of putting a female to inhabit it. I often saw nice looking ladies on pics, passing well until seeing another pic of them posing with genuine girls, and not passing due to their bone structures and big heads (Yes, I have a big head too). I can't imagine me being seen as a man in dress, seeing already one in the mirror when I'm dressing, and suffering from it. I need to lose lot of weight, and struggling with it, almost starving to lose some pounds. I'm conscious some are so determined to live as themself, or not giving a s..t to what other may say, or wise enough to assume being not gg means having to do with what we have and do the best to look the closest to one. I don't want to hurt anyone saying this. It's just the way I feel with my issues. Like if being able to live as the woman I am one day will never happen, as seeing my reflection will still hurt me, and it's not worse it to transition to reach this point. I'm sorry, it's hard for me to really make it clear to understand as English is not my natal language...
Perhaps some styling advice and tips:
It is all about learning what clothes look good on you versus what looks good when a model wears them!
I kind of get the point but really... the whole "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference" Applies.
I get where she is coming from, though. And yeah, maybe you don't want to be given hugs and platitudes. But then... what do you want? Complaining about something doesn't change it. Only you can do that. And, it's been my experience that the best way to do that is to feel good enough about yourself that you want to. So yeah... people here are pre-disposed to make those coming here try to feel good about themselves. To lift folks up who may feel down. That's always been the Susan's way. I never knew there was a term for it, lol.
Change comes from inside. And being in a position to want to change also comes from inside. I am sorry if I did not give you pity or whatever you wanted, but that's because I think you can be who you want to be. We all can. Just have to read what a bunch of folks here have been through to see that. The only limitation on what your life can be... is you. :)
Honestly, I feel that this is an excuse. And I don't mean to be rude or hurtful or anything like that. I'm just being honest and I would hope you want honesty from us.
I go through this all the time. I spent 10+ years using steroids to get as massive as I humanly can, and now I'm finally coming to terms that I am trans. And now I see all that damage I did. I fear I'll never be able to pass, that I'll never be able to lose enough muscle, or have those feminine features without a ton surgery. Just yesterday I started to have doubts and second guessing myself.
I have been off steroids since April and I was so close to starting back up again bc of all the fear and doubts I was creating so I could allow myself to have a reason to not follow through and be who I am ment to be.
As we all know. Transition is the hardest thing any of us can do, just so we can finally feel normal. And even after all those hurdles and hardships and loss of family friends etc, we still get treaded by society as somehow less than.
It is not for everyone. But it's completely natural to have doubts, and second thoughts. Transition is not for everyone, even those who have started and decide that it's not for them.
And even if we stay in the closet, how long can you do so before you end up doing something radical so that you feel better and over come dysphoria for a few days. And eventually to keep overcoming dysphoria you have to do more bigger things, until there is no hiding it anymore, and then are you still in the closet at that point?
I feel you are on the right path. There's a reason why you started and are doing what you are doing. You just have to re affirm the why to yourself again, and I feel you need re affirm who you are to yourself again.
I am sorry you are having a troublesome time right now. I really do hope you find an answer that makes sense to you as well as allow you to live a meaningful life, free of dysphoria, and most importantly free of regrets (either lack of action or regret of action).
I know with some time you will get past this.
Maybe speaking to a therapist can help with these thoughts of doubt if you are not already speaking with one.
Also for those wondering, I did not relapse and use any steroids, which is huge for me since that's one of my biggest issues I have to over come. Not being muscular, and strong anymore. Feeling as if I'm withering away and becoming weak, losing strength in the gym etc after spending 24 years trying to get as strong and as muscular as possible.
Again I hope I helped, and my intention was to never be little you or what youre going through. It will pass. I'm sure I'll be in a bad mental state in a few days and you'll be there to snap me back into reality as I hope everyone here is doing for you now.
Quote from: Robbyv213 on September 06, 2024, 05:35:13 PMAgain I hope I helped, and my intention was to never be little you or what youre going through. It will pass. I'm sure I'll be in a bad mental state in a few days and you'll be there to snap me back into reality as I hope everyone here is doing for you now.
You did. You helped me. And that's what it's all about. Thank you, hey you, lol. ;) You affirm things most of us deal with. That's why people come, and stay here. Because we are a all facets of one beautiful diamond. Each catching the light differently.
Thank you for this post.
Robby, I don't think you have anything to fear on that front. Look at Chyna in the WWE. That girl owned everything. She was big into bodybuilding. No one saw her as anything other than all woman. As I say, the only limits on what you can do and who you can be. is you..
You are gorgeous, girl. Not least because of how you think, and feel. That's like 95% of who we are. <3
Quote from: Lori Dee on September 06, 2024, 12:17:10 PMPerhaps some styling advice and tips:
Way back when I bought a book about that..."Flatter Your Figure"
The problem is having brand shoulders, with no hips or backsides, big hands, arm length etc ...
Then advice to solve all of them at once becomes contradictory or impractical ... You have to have a figure to flatter! ;)
Physically overall proportions matter more in people's unconscious assignment of a person's sex than any single physical feature. The more one deviates from the expected overall proportions, the more the potential issues.
While it is not unusual for a genetic woman to have one or more typically male physical features, they have usually have others that are more typically female that counterbalance - particularly when dressed right.
One can be out of the expected female shape and still pass, if not too far from the expected proportions, and proper behavioral clues, voice etc can extend that range. But it's a matter of degree.
- Karen
Meaning, I have complained to her relentlessly about my massively broad male shoulders. She tried and tried to get me to hear the folly of my words, and the hurtfulness that I was spreading around about what is a male or female body. Anywho, one day she got fed up with my bull<i>>-bleeped-<</i> and she grabbed a tape measure and wrapped it around my shoulders. She measured me at 41" around. She then handed me the tape and had me measure her, 42". And I promptly shut up about my 'stupid extra large male shoulders.'
Yeah... no. Kelly, you are actually stunningly beautiful.
Your wife is clearly extremely smart and sees you for who you are.
My shoulders were 52 inches around last time I measured them. Which was back in April.
Quote from: Maid Marion on September 06, 2024, 05:45:43 AMIn the middle can be really sexy because you fall in the "uncanny valley" which sets of people's red flags. But, no, androgeny is not a good idea for blending in. Folks can see when someone is hiding.
Androgyny isn't "hiding." If I'm in a room and Tilda Swinton enters, my eyes go to her. Same with Annie Lennox or David Bowie. Androgynous people are striking.
As far as DG619's concern, I'm 5' 11.5", androgynous, broad-shouldered, and fare well.
So my starting point, which Im going to say was beginning of Aug which is when I decided to change my workout training and nutrition around, was this
Weight-200lbs
Height- 5"8
Waist- 34in
Underbust- 44in
Bust/chest- 48in
Shoulders-52
Thigh-22.5
Forearms-12.5
Biceps-17
Calves-15.5
Neck-17.5
Now after one month these are my new measurements
Height 5"8
Weight 193.8
Waist (1 inch above bellybutton) 33.7in
Waist (where my pants normal sit) 34.5
Bust 44in
Under bust 40in
Hips (across my hip bone) 35in
Hips (around fullest part to include my butt) 38.5
Thighs/quads 22in
Calves 14.5 in
Shoulders (measured around outside of my shoulder chest and back, Not across the front shoulder to shoulder. ) 51in
Biceps 16in
Forearms 11 in
Neck 15.5 in
Just took the measurements now since this topic has made me curious. but now I will be more likely to keep track of them
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 06, 2024, 07:08:12 PMAndrogyny isn't "hiding." If I'm in a room and Tilda Swinton enters, my eyes go to her. Same with Annie Lennox or David Bowie. Androgynous people are striking.
As far as DG619's concern, I'm 5' 11.5", androgynous, broad-shouldered, and fare well.
Yeah but to be fair, someone only has to talk to you privately for like more than fifteen minutes to get who you are, sweetie. You are the person most of us aspire to be. <3
Yeah, I've got real issues for seeing my body for what it really is. Even though my body is much more in line with what some would prefer, I think most of us struggle to see our bodies for what they really are.
Well how about many of us struggle to see the reality of all human bodies. We all (read myself included) think we understand a bit about male vs female bodies and sometimes some of us (myself) are so bad at it, it is ridiculous! I do some speeches for local colleges and one of my favorite photos is one of several female athletes. And I ask, which one is the trans girl. And then I say, um none of them. And there are audible gasps in the audience.
I am trying harder to see the reality of my body, but also to see the realities of everybody's body.
Quote from: Nadine Spirit on September 06, 2024, 08:17:50 PMYeah, I've got real issues for seeing my body for what it really is. Even though my body is much more in line with what some would prefer, I think most of us struggle to see our bodies for what they really are.
Well how about many of us struggle to see the reality of all human bodies. We all (read myself included) think we understand a bit about male vs female bodies and sometimes some of us (myself) are so bad at it, it is ridiculous! I do some speeches for local colleges and one of my favorite photos is one of several female athletes. And I ask, which one is the trans girl. And then I say, um none of them. And there are audible gasps in the audience.
I am trying harder to see the reality of my body, but also to see the realities of everybody's body.
Kelly, as I have said elsewhere... beauty is in the eye of the beholder. From your pic, and how you write... girl you are very, very beautiful.
All you need to ask yourself is... are you being the best you that you can be? If that is "yes", then let everything else take care of itself, okay? Don't think of yourself, ever, as what someone would prefer. That someone has to be you.
The reality is... look at the smile in your avatar. You are gorgeous. <3
Just how big are you? Though I am short, I am quite muscular. 5' 5" and 211 pounds. I pass with no issues. You might be surprised how much of your frustration is from your own perception of yourself.
Quote from: BlueJaye on September 06, 2024, 11:04:27 PMYou might be surprised how much of your frustration is from your own perception of yourself.
THIS.
Well said, Katie.
Quote from: BlueJaye on September 06, 2024, 11:04:27 PMJust how big are you? Though I am short, I am quite muscular. 5' 5" and 211 pounds. I pass with no issues. You might be surprised how much of your frustration is from your own perception of yourself.
Katie is kind of a pocket rocket around here. ;) Listen to this girl, she is very wise. <3
I don't think anyone is going to blow smoke up anyone's... anything.. about how they look.
But OMG, look out a window on a city street. Have a drink at an outdoor cafe. Sit in a park. Wherever you can people watch — and just spend 30 minutes looking at the incredibly variety of women that pass. All shapes, sizes, weights, heights, hair lengths, colors, thickness, beautiful, plain, bony, thin, muscular, big boobs, no boobs, etc etc etc.
What they all share in common is that they aren't for a second doubting that they are women. Are they too looking at other women and thinking "wow, I wish I had her hair!"... "I could never pull off that dress!" Etc etc.. You bet. And so will you do. That's part of the package deal.
But there is literally no such thing as too "anything" to be a woman. If you own it.
@imallie Dear Allie:
Very well stated... thank you for sharing and posting.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 06, 2024, 07:08:12 PMAndrogyny isn't "hiding." If I'm in a room and Tilda Swinton enters, my eyes go to her. Same with Annie Lennox or David Bowie. Androgynous people are striking.
As far as DG619's concern, I'm 5' 11.5", androgynous, broad-shouldered, and fare well.
On my recent vacation I took no male clothing but I did have some chinos and Ts and a hoodie that could be seen as unisex, although the sleeves are shorter on the Ts than guy's Ts. So I was what you call perhaps dressed close to unisex, no bra, when going through TSA and interacting for a rental car at the latter part of my vacation. I just did not want any identity issues with my legal paperwork, as I have not requested a change.
So no jewelry, barrettes, fuschia clothes were worn at those times. I do not yet want to take a "I do not care what they think" attitude, I prefer to just avoid potential issues.
I wonder if I would be almost male fail that this would not work, but then again, if that would become the case, I would not be concerned. Or will I, if the legal paperwork has not been modified? I might be concerned. I hope I reach that point though and if I do, why not change the legal paperwork?
I think too much sometimes, sigh. By the way, the vacation was nice.
Have a nice weekend.
Chrissy
Thanks, Sephirah! You're as kind as ChrissyRyan and she's the gold standard.
Allie, I was at an intersection yesterday and I saw a woman as short as any I've ever seen in my life. Height, of course, is a gender indicator, and her stature marked her as female, but as she crossed the street and her back presented, her shoulders were wide and bulged with muscle. So, she was a mix of gender traits, as many of us are.
Of course, as most of us age, we become more and more androgynous. This androgyny is normal as testosterone and estrogen drop and it serves older t-folk because many of us are already androgynous, so as our peer group becomes androgynous too, we fit!
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Thanks staff. Looks like Devlyn started the review.
Have a wonderful afternoon!
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 10, 2024, 02:52:18 PMThanks staff. Looks like Devlyn started the review.
Devlyn only locked the thread so that no further posts would interfere with the review. The review was conducted by all of the Forum Staff. Danielle is the Administrator and has the final authority once the Moderators have submitted their input. It is a team effort.
Let's get back to the OP's subject. Thank you.
Lori Dee
One of the most beautiful women that I saw when I was in college was 6 foot, 7 inches tall and she was not a thin, skinny gal.
She wore a size 13 woman's shoe. She was feminine in every regard. Any of the shorter guys
that were interested in her... they would have been smart to not worry about height difference.
She had dated a lot of my classmates and she didn't appear to be worried that most of the
guys were a half a foot or more shorter.Daniellecc: @DG619 @Sephirah @big kim @ChrissyRyan @Maid Marion @Allie Jayne @Karen_A @Stéphanie.FR @Lori Dee @Robbyv213 @Nadine Spirit @Oldandcreaky @BlueJaye @imallie @Devlyn @Sarah B
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on September 10, 2024, 03:42:04 PMOne of the most beautiful women that I saw when I was in college was 6 foot, 7 inches tall and she was not a thin, skinny gal.
She wore a size 13 woman's shoe. She was feminine in every regard. Any of the shorter guys
that were interested in her... they would have been smart to not worry about height difference.
She had dated a lot of my classmates and she didn't appear to be worried that most of the
guys were a half a foot or more shorter.
Danielle
Good for her!
Chrissy
I worked with a gal who was 6'1" and curvy. She had broad shoulders and hips. She was active in sports, so had a fit physique. She was beautiful and we nicknamed her our "Viking Goddess". She was a very sweet person.
Quote from: Maid Marion on September 06, 2024, 05:45:43 AMOwn it. Dress feminine or masculine but not in the middle.
In the middle can be really sexy because you fall in the "uncanny valley" which sets of people's red flags.
Now that you mention it, didn't the forum at one time have an "Androgynous"sub-section? I liked that section; I found it very appealing and I was often looking for ways to make myself a little more so androgynous, if I could. I'm a guy but never felt right with my square frame and square head.
Quote from: Hollytime on September 16, 2024, 12:52:29 PMNow that you mention it, didn't the forum at one time have an "Androgynous"sub-section? I liked that section; I found it very appealing and I was often looking for ways to make myself a little more so androgynous, if I could. I'm a guy but never felt right with my square frame and square head.
I have seen androgynous related postings in the non-binary section.
Big kudos to the staff for doing what they do. :)
All I will say on this is that... we never see ourselves as beautiful. Literally not ever. We are not pre-disposed to think that way. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It is utterly subjective. And... so many people here, I see either how they look, or how they are... and see the beauty in them. Even when they don't see it inside themselves. People are so achingly beautiful just because of how they are with the world. Don't let anyone put some kind of standard on you. Live up to your own standard. Be how you want the world to be. Then you live with no regrets. No matter how the rest of the world reacts. A lot of people here get that, and that's what allows them to shine.
Shine on. <3
When I was a teen, my classmates used to make fun of my narrow shoulders (together with my slim waist and legs). But my shoulders are wider than the average woman's. I think I am a between, androgynous. Now I see that my shoulders are wide, but nobody pinpoints my shoulders as a mark of either gender.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbdw81yIdiY
barbie~~
Barbie, you make the most of yourself, honey. I've been watching your channel and the videos you've posted. Girl, you just be you. You have legs that make even most cis women jealous... but you just do your own thing and are proud of it. That's what life is. You are gorgeous because you have got to a point where you know you are.
Yes. Sephirah. I do not dislike any part of my body. Once I wished I had breasts, trying to get HRT. But, although the psychiatrist approved it, with my family, the physician said he would prescribe HRT if my wife came together to agree. I just stopped there. Nowadays I do not dislike my flat chest.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cyzGDVkZb1Q
My obsession is always with my waist. I believe the waist size is the most critical in the beauty of the human body regardless of gender. Decreasing girth size also makes me look like having breasts. I will soon go out for running before the rain comes. I ate too much during the holidays this week here.
Cheers,
barbie~~
I haven't been on in a while and I saw the title and wanted to look. I am 6'4-5 and I know where you're coming from. I haven't gotten as far as you vis a vis HRT, but a while back I lost a lot of weight(thank you
@Devlyn) and it made some difference. Even at 215, I had a 48" chest without boob development. I've put a lot of that weight back on, but, I am working to get it off again as I did before... Recently though, I've come to a different conclusion and that is what one focuses on. I noticed that when I am dressed in a way that I feel is the real me, I feel like a different person. Confident, directed, calm and for a lack of a better word, real. I think as people, when we operate from whom we are, meaning a place of authenticity and transparency, we can be all we can be and then it really doesn't matter what others think. That's the rub. It's social comparison and conformism that drives a lot of people to low self-esteem. I mean, look at clothes ads. Even the majority of CIS women don't look like the models. I think that when one becomes connected with themselves, they can connect to the world well. For me, therapy helped, but I still hid. Then I got older and something wonderful is happening. I care a lot less what others think than I used to. I also went back to school and I am in my last class for a BS in psychology. That has helped a lot too. In the spring, I am retiring and then starting in a MSW program and I hope to specialize in clinical work with the LGBTQIA population. Dr Melfi watch out. :icon_evil_laugh:
Attitude is really the most important thing. I know I keep saying it but... Barbie has this down. Go watch her channel. This girl knows she's gorgeous and shows it off every chance she gets... admittedly in some of the most achingly beautiful places on the planet. As a Brit, I am intensely jealous of where most other people live, lol.
Gertrude, you are affirming this. Be you. Be all of you. What you are doing in your life right now is amazing, and you should be extremely proud. Don't try to be anyone other than you, because... as we all know... you'll likely fail.
I hope for the best for you, sweetie. Because anyone who wants to work with other people in order to make their lives better... I find those people utterly amazing, and people the rest of the world should look up to. I am proud of you! <3
Quote from: Sephirah on September 23, 2024, 04:22:25 PMAs a Brit, I am intensely jealous of where most other people live, lol.
I have never been to the UK, but the stereotype here is that European cities are well-preserved and managed. Especially, Ireland is a popular destination for its pristine scenery. Some of my Facebook friends posted photos taken there. Here there are always too many people.
A few years ago, I had a chance to visit Plymouth, but the covid-19 mangled all of my plan. I wish I will have an opportunity again.
Cheers,
barbie~~
Quote from: barbie on September 28, 2024, 11:53:39 AMI have never been to the UK, but the stereotype here is that European cities are well-preserved and managed. Especially, Ireland is a popular destination for its pristine scenery. Some of my Facebook friends posted photos taken there. Here there are always too many people.
A few years ago, I had a chance to visit Plymouth, but the covid-19 mangled all of my plan. I wish I will have an opportunity again.
Cheers,
barbie~~
Yeah we have a lot of history. Ireland, Scotland and Wales all have breathtakingly beautiful places to visit. The Scottish Highlands especially. All that... solitude. I suppose we have that in England as well. Maybe I just can't see the wood for the trees, lol.
I was in Plymouth for a while during my Navy days. It's... nice? Some of it is, anyway.
From what I've seen from where you are though, Barbie... you live in a very beautiful place. :)
I think some of this is a time thing. Once you transition full time, you have that nagging doubt that everyone is watching you and everyone 'knows' you and your history..
It takes a while, years even for this to calm down.. heck, I even get jitters of it now and then. However, on the whole, I am well integrated and happy with being me.
Some of this is the GD - it is solved but it takes a while for the bite to leave. You still have the same face in the most part and that (maybe) was triggering you before you got your beard removed and shaped your eyebrows.. but still, it can trigger - there is only time that will fix this.
I guess being 'thrown' into a world where you need to fit in and be a team player with a lot of other people, or like me, work in a public facing environment. Meeting dozens of new people each day.. you probably get 'over' this phase a little quicker? I was talking to a colleague about our childhoods, growing up. She mentioned that she was never a cheerleader type and never dated any 'jocks'.. I said 'Yeah, me too, I was always the ugly nerd in the corner'.. this was true.. but her response was 'Yeah right!'.. It just goes to show that you cannot judge peoples perception of you and really have to just ignore it and be yourself.
I always tell people to transition into yourself.. Love yourself and believe in the power of you. It will bring inner peace.
(If you want to know what it is like to walk on the moon, ask an astronaut who has been there not a person who owns a telescope!)
Quote from: Maid Marion on September 06, 2024, 05:45:43 AMOwn it. Dress feminine or masculine but not in the middle.
In the middle can be really sexy because you fall in the "uncanny valley" which sets of people's red flags. But, no, androgeny is not a good idea for blending in. Folks can see when someone is hiding.
I disagree. After starting very MTF I currently consider myself as genderfluid. Consequently I dress unisex, or androgynous. I've got A cup boobs, but 40" chest, so fairly masculine chest. My hair is a good few inches past my shoulders, but other facial features could be male or female. This works for me. So what if I confuse people as to whether I'm male or female. They can think what they like. I'm happy. And isn't happiness what it's all about. Being happy and being yourself, whatever that might be.
Completely agree with the comment "
First step is accepting yourself", but if that's in the middle and makes you happy, then that's the place to be.
Hi, I am 6'1" and I started HRT over 12 years ago. When I started HRT I was 6'3" so I lost 2 inches. My body did redistribute fat a bit. I definitely have a layer of subcutaneous fat and and have substantially softer lighter in color skin.
I had facial surgery and hair transplants and other surgeries. I have done all I will do as far as surgery. I do not know if I could have surgery now if I wanted it, which I definitely do not.
I go to the gym and lift heavy weight. I was really small breasted after 5 years on HRT so I had a BA. I have been on HRT a long time and my breasts have grown over that time. I would have gotten smaller implants if I had known.
My shoulders I never really thought about, until now. I have 49 inches shoulders and have a 45 inch bust. I do not know if that is good or bad in some people minds. I really do not care. Tops fit.
I am self conscious about my long arms and long legs. But then I get compliments on my long legs. I do hack squat 350 pounds so my legs do look good. I do 100 pounds landmines for my butt, it has helped. 205 pound flies and I have nice breast definition. I do 100 pounds for lats. It is easy but I do not want my lats bigger.
I am not a small person and I am not a petite person. I was in Costco today with a lands End hoodie zipped up (no bra on) and I was gendered female. Guys hold the doors for me and never leave the elevator first.
Self doubt is something we all have to some degree or another. We all wish we looked different or better. I have blond hair and I think I would like light brown. I have dark blue green eyes and I wish they were light blue. I wish I was 5'7" and petite. I have had woman say to me they wish they were tall. I have curly hair. I have had woman say to me they wished they had curly hair. My daughter is 5'10" and she told me she wished she was 3 inches shorter.
I use to be so self conscious about how I looked before transition, during transition and after. Then at some point I am really comfortable in my skin.
I had some challenging information in early 2023. I got a right( Flowers in the trans flag colors) and left (traditional Japanese) sleeve and about 60 percent done my back and butt ( traditional Japanese main feature is a mustard Kitsune). I also have a small septum piercing.
I transitioned because I could no longer live in my old hiding place. I did body art because I wanted to express how I feel and how I see the world and me in it.
During my annual evaluation my supervisor said to me, "You are different, I mean you have sleeves". I looked at him and smiled.
Anyhow, I understand how you feel. I know transitioning when I did I would not look like I wanted. I do like how I look.
I had three vocal surgeries and a lot of issues with the second surgery. The third surgery corrected the issues and provided a very female voice. I did not like my voice. I have had several people (males) say I have a very sexy voice. I thought what. I really did not like my voice so 2 years ago I went to a Laryngologist and speech pathologist at Penn. They told me my voice sounds beautiful and very female. Also, my pitch is high. I had no comparison. I could not listen to a recording and hear my voice objectively. I am very happy with my voice now.
We are our worst critic. I never think about passing or my voice now. I like my sleeves and back (so far). I love expressing now ( I use to be extremely self conscious). I even like my hair.
So, if what is holding you back from being you is a shoulder measurement, you are lucky.
Quote from: Jan555 on September 29, 2024, 10:26:12 AMI disagree. After starting very MTF I currently consider myself as genderfluid. Consequently I dress unisex, or androgynous. I've got A cup boobs, but 40" chest, so fairly masculine chest. My hair is a good few inches past my shoulders, but other facial features could be male or female. This works for me. So what if I confuse people as to whether I'm male or female. They can think what they like. I'm happy. And isn't happiness what it's all about. Being happy and being yourself, whatever that might be.
Completely agree with the comment "First step is accepting yourself", but if that's in the middle and makes you happy, then that's the place to be.
Absolutely, spot on..
Yes, being in the middle can be a good thing if that is what you need to be happy.
My height is 184 cm (6 feet), and I sometimes walk on 13 cm (5 inch) highheel sandals, making my height 197 cm. Sometimes people are surprised when suddenly bumping into me. Fortunately, nobody yet screamed.
https://youtube.com/shorts/5epkUpmi4a8
barbie~~
Quote from: barbie on September 30, 2024, 08:50:44 AMFortunately, nobody yet screamed.
I certainly wouldn't scream if I bumped into you *blushes*
Hi! I hope you're feeling well today! I just wanted to share a bit about myself to see if it resonates or not. If not, hopefully someone can find a little nugget to help.
I'm currently 6'3 and weigh about 400 lbs. My hands are MASSIVE. I can palm a basketball. I look like a regular size person drinking a 20 ounce drink if I hold a two litre. My shoulders are much broader than Floor Jansen's. I can't order a bike helmet that isn't custom because my head is so big. I wear size 14 Wide (US) in shoes.
If I could design my own body, I would be 5' or under, 100lbs or under. Tiny frame, etc. This is what I saw in my mind as myself.
For me, shooting for this standard was absolutely killing me on every level. I was so depressed and even suicidal while addressing my dysphoria on this. Like, why in the world can't I just BE who I feel like, right? As a trans person, I know you know that feeling well. I understand where you're coming from.
For me, and maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't, I had to reframe the way I thought. Instead of this big feeling inside that says "I need to be like this to be a girl," I started saying "I am a girl. Just as I am. No one can take that away from me." It doesn't have to be these exact words, of course, but validating myself as a girl and giving myself permission to believe that, and hold it in my heart as true, helped me move forward.
Instead of constantly worry about "How am I going to look like this?" I had to take a much more grounded approach. I recognized, that while this is how I see myself, it's not a part of any reality that can happen. There is no way, physically, that I can ever be 5' tall, and I think my skeleton weighs more than 100 lbs lol.
I set myself up with two scenarios to get here. "What does my life look like if I had zero restrictions, and I got to choose every aspect of it?" and "What does my life look like if I continue this path exactly as I am right now?"
My reality is that I am larger than most "typical" women. But my reality is also that I am a woman at my core. So, how do I make those two things work together since this is...reality? Do I want to forever chase that literally unobtainable dream or do I want to use the time I have left to just enjoy myself?
I realize that this may not work for everyone. I realize that everyone's battle with dysphoria is real, valid, and very personal. But, if I could ask that you take one thing from this, its that you are a woman right now. With your big beautiful shoulders all the way to your big beautiful brain. You are valid. You are loved.
@Caiwen Thank you for that.
You are absolutely correct. What we tend to forget is that cis women feel pressured to look a certain way too. They obsess with their weight, and their hips, "Do these jeans make me look fat?". So, as women, it is not unusual for us to want to look perfect.
In the movie, "The Equalizer" Denzel Washington's character is helping a coworker lose weight and get into shape to achieve his dream of becoming a security guard. The guy gets depressed thinking this will never happen.
Denzel's advice? "Progress, not Perfection."
If you need to lose weight, then do it. If you need to walk more, then do it. If you need to grow your hair long, then do it. We don't have a genie who can grant us wishes. Transition is a long process. Longer for some than others.
Would I love to have a body fit for a bikini? Absolutely. Will it happen? Probably not, I'm 67 and nobody wants to see that. ;D But that doesn't mean I can't work toward that goal.
We know who we are on the inside. By definition, dysphoria is when our outside doesn't match. So we change our bodies to get closer to a match. It doesn't need to be perfect. As long as we can get close enough to be comfortable in our own skin. For some, they can do it on their own. For others, face-to-face meetings with a therapist with experience in gender identities help us to understand and accept ourselves. It took me two years of therapy to understand what being transgender meant and accept that this is me. Then I started my transition and began working on getting my outside to match my inside.
Quote from: Caiwen on October 22, 2024, 01:48:56 AMFor me, and maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't, I had to reframe the way I thought. Instead of this big feeling inside that says "I need to be like this to be a girl," I started saying "I am a girl. Just as I am. No one can take that away from me." It doesn't have to be these exact words, of course, but validating myself as a girl and giving myself permission to believe that, and hold it in my heart as true, helped me move forward.
This is wonderful.
You don't try to
be anything. You come at it from a place where you already
are. Too many times I've seen people talking about trying to
be a woman. Like they have some image stuck in their head of what the ideal woman should be. And anything other than that is abject failure.
This approach will always be doomed to fail, because all these images are created, curated, unrealistic. Even the people in them don't look like that without hours of work behind the scenes. If it's who you are, it's who you are. If you own your life from an understanding rather than an aspirational standpoint... it will go much better.
You don't have to be
a woman, like some mythical unicorn, you just have to be you. And own it. Women aren't some kind of Greek Goddess immortalised in marble. They're you and me. Half the people in the world. Different shapes, sizes, loves, hates, beliefs, fears, strengths and weaknesses. Just be you and let the world adapt. Don't try to adapt to the world. :)