Okay I am not sure where else to really put this. But I just wanted to ask... for all you folks on the other side of transition, or maybe for people reaching a turning point... what would you say was the main difference to your life now compared to before you started on this whole crazy journey? I get that you probably can't nail it down, but... was there a tipping point where you were like... "I love you, mirror!"?
Ooh, good question! I was just thinking about this the other day. In most respects, my life hasn't changed much. I still have about the same number of friends (and it's still quite a small number ;) ). I still have the same interests.
The one thing that has changed is that I don't have to pretend so much. I never realized until I transitioned just how much I was pretending to be a guy. I was constantly wondering what was allowed, what was expected, what I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to do it. Literally all the time. And I haven't had to do that since I transitioned.
You'd think I would be worried about whether I "pass". But I don't. I might pass; I might not. I don't care. Whereas before, I was always worried about whether I passed as a guy. And it is such a relief!!
Quote from: KathyLauren on October 19, 2024, 07:41:31 PMOoh, good question! I was just thinking about this the other day. In most respects, my life hasn't changed much. I still have about the same number of friends (and it's still quite a small number ;) ). I still have the same interests.
The one thing that has changed is that I don't have to pretend so much. I never realized until I transitioned just how much I was pretending to be a guy. I was constantly wondering what was allowed, what was expected, what I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to do it. Literally all the time. And I haven't had to do that since I transitioned.
You'd think I would be worried about whether I "pass". But I don't. I might pass; I might not. I don't care. Whereas before, I was always worried about whether I passed as a guy. And it is such a relief!!
I get feelings from people. Like deep down feelings. I guess I'd call it intuition or something. Ever since I've known you, Kathy... I have never, ever got any vibe from you that you were anyone other than you. And I think that's kind of interesting. I get feelings from people. Mostly before I've even interacted with them. You have always been... like massively up front. Never hiding anything. Just from everything you've ever said.
I doubt you have any reason to worry, honey. To me you've always been someone I've looked up to. Someone who comes at everything from a place of authenticity :)
I can wear the clothes I've always wanted to wear, and I'm no longer angry at the world. Well, maybe a little angry at times, but certainly not like it was before.
It's great feeling for the world to finally see 'me'.
Love always -- Jess
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on October 19, 2024, 08:22:43 PMI can wear the clothes I've always wanted to wear, and I'm no longer angry at the world. Well, maybe a little angry at times, but certainly not like it was before.
It's great feeling for the world to finally see 'me'.
Love always -- Jess
And for Susan's to see you, Jess. You already know I think you're beautiful. I think probably everyone will always be at least a little angry at the world, because the world these days is just utterly mental. You'd have to be slightly unhinged to not feel at least a little bit weird.
The world is very lucky, Jess. :)
Every time I reach between my legs and find that toxic growth gone I feel that I am so blessed. I lost a lot of body hair which makes me so happy. Breast growth is almost non existent and my nipples did not grow at all and are no more sensitive. But my word I am ever so glad that I had the surgery and never regretted it once I can't reiterate how much I appreciate finally having the surgery.
Even without HRT, it is simple for me: More freedom, more choices.
Cheers,
barbie~~
Hi Sephirah Well you keep asking good questions and the next is no exception:
Quote from: Sephirah on October 19, 2024, 06:31:48 PMOkay I am not sure where else to really put this. But I just wanted to ask... for all you folks on the other side of transition, or maybe for people reaching a turning point... what would you say was the main difference to your life now compared to before you started on this whole crazy journey? I get that you probably can't nail it down, but... was there a tipping point where you were like... "I love you, mirror!"?
As I mention often, I did not go through what is now called a 'transition.' For me it was more about making adjustments to my life, changing my clothes receiving medical care and eventually having surgery. There was no stark difference "before" or "after" for me. I never fixated on passing, breast development, hips or what was below. I was not concerned about my gender either in the same way until I found Susan's as I was already living as female.
I have always had a sense of self love and like Kathy mentioned, "In most respects, my life has not changed." I have grown, furthered my education, had relationships and changed careers. Looking back, the most important part of my journey was aligning my inner self with how I was living. Like Athena, I once had moments where hiding what I had brought me comfort. Now that I have had surgery, I feel so comfortable now, happy, content and complete, never once regretting my decision.
For me, there was no "mirror moment". My tipping point was more about the deep satisfaction of simply living and functioning as a female, I always was.
Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@Athena @Sephirah @KathyLauren
What differences after transition? The first thing I noticed was that women were less guarded with me. I've noticed that when men talk with women, the women always seem a little wary. I doubt if they even notice it, but I think it's that they've had so many bad experiences, even with "nice" guys, that they're always prepared for the guy to do something that makes her feel unsafe. BTW, these were all women who had known me before transition. At my church, I announced that I was transitioning, and I noticed this with the women there.
Once I was fully transitioned (legally, socially, at work, etc.), I would sometimes walk out the door of my apartment and find myself exclaiming, "I'm so glad I'm me!" (This is very out of character for me.) This was mostly in the first year after I went full-time.
As for the mirror thing: I've never thought "I love you, mirror!" But I've never wanted to, either. At this point, I think I just look an average-looking old woman, good enough that nobody notices, especially since women become invisible after age 40 or 50. Back when I was living as a man, I developed this dissociative trick of looking in the mirror and not seeing myself -- I had no feeling connection with the image. Then, when I put on a skirt, I suddenly found I liked seeing that part of myself -- the part in the skirt. As I femmed up my wardrobe, I was able to see more and more of myself. And last year, after my SRS, I suddenly didn't mind being naked. I would look in the mirror and see myself -- an old lady, which I was comfortable with.
Certainly surgery was a turning point.. a little anecdote.
I picked my (then) boyfriend up at Manchester airport and we drove down to Wimbledon to check into the AirBnB we had booked for him to stay at whilst I had my surgery - now, I am diabetic, and sometimes I need a restroom, sometimes I need it a lot!.. this was one of those days - every service station (stops on the side of UK motorways where you can get food and relieve yourself) we had to stop.. Each time I went into the ladies, my anxiety would rise - did I pass, what would happen if someone challenged me.. over and over, worry - worry- worry.. this was my normal. I dreaded someone pointing and exclaiming 'ugh, your a MAN!'.. obviously it never happened - but I prepared myself for the eventuality each and every time..
I was booked into my surgery for Monday morning.. by the following Sunday I was all set for the journey back home -I was happy the surgery was a success- but I was in pain, bleeding - had massive sanitary towels on and ever so slightly a bit cantankerous.
We got half-way up the M40 Motorway and I needed the loo.. we stopped - I walked in and sorted myself out. Never thought about a thing really - did not even realise that I never thought about all those fears just a week earlier..
We got further up the country - on the M6 Toll road, what has the most pleasant services on the entire motorway network (IMHO). I walk into their restroom - and, this one being newer, there is this huge wall of mirror as you enter - That's when it hit me - I remembered that last time I walked in here, I saw myself in this massive mirror and fear rose in me.. this time - I saw myself, I felt my pain and my need and my thought was 'Go on, someone <bleep> say something to me now - What I have just been through I think I have EARNT my right to be a woman!!!!!!" and then, looking in that mirror, I laughed. People around me probably thought me mad or drunk.. but I laughed as the gender euphoria welled up over me. At last I was me - At last all that baggage was gone.. I got back into the car - kissed my boyfriend full on the lips and exclaimed to him that I loved him and better yet - "I love me"... at last.