Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Welcome to Lilis Unveiled!

This space is where I'll share my personal journey, thoughts, and experiences as I navigate the world of transitioning. There's no one size fits all path to self-understanding, and here, I'll explore topics that matter to me, and my gender-affirming journey, spirituality, self-expression, and personal growth.

While this blog is still evolving as I continue uncovering my true self. Over time, I'll add more stories and perspectives, with the hope that this space becomes a place of support, learning, and connection for others in the LGBTQ+ community.

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to sharing more with you soon!

Lilis!

I am so glad you decided to start your own blog. I think the Member Blogs are one of the best features we have here. It serves as your personal journal that you can come back to and review how far you have come, as well as allow us voyeurs to come along with you for the ride.

I will be looking forward to your updates when you are ready.

Hugs!

@Lilis 
Dear Lilis:
I am so very happy to see that you have started your own Blog thread here on the Forum.

You can consider your Blog thread as your HOME here on the Forum where your readers and
followers can  find you to leave their comments and to share with you. 

Also your Blog thread is your shared personal journal that you can use to write down your thoughts
and comments as you navigate your journey and life endeavors.

I have some older Blog threads here from several years ago that I still go back to
read what I had shared...  great memories of my trials and tribulations as I documented
my own journey. 

I also keep a personal "old school" pen & paper journey for my eyes only... complete with
colorful doodling and snapshot pictures. 
On a cold and rainy night I can be found in my comfy chair in front of my warm fireplace
reading over some of my past writings... sometimes with tears in my eyes and sometimes
with a smile on my face.

As you feel free to share your story you can find comfort in knowing that when you
share your heartache, trials, difficulties and unpleasant experiences that test your
resilience and strength... that you have like-minded members and friends here that will
be at your side to offer their shoulder for you to lean on.
On the other hand, when you share your successes, accomplishments,and happy moments we will
rejoice with you and help you to celebrate those good times in your journey.

I look forward to following your "Lilis Unveiled" Blog thread and I also am
eagerly looking for your future postings around the various threads on the Forum.

My warmest HUGS ... and happy Blogging and Journaling
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]  :icon_flower:  :)
The Forum Administrator

Quote from: Lilis on December 30, 2024, 04:58:18 PMWelcome to Lilis Unveiled!

This space is where I'll share my personal journey, thoughts, and experiences as I navigate the world of transitioning. There's no one size fits all path to self-understanding, and here, I'll explore topics that matter to me, and my gender-affirming journey, spirituality, self-expression, and personal growth.

While this blog is still evolving as I continue uncovering my true self. Over time, I'll add more stories and perspectives, with the hope that this space becomes a place of support, learning, and connection for others in the LGBTQ+ community.

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to sharing more with you soon!

Lilis,


That sounds good.  I will be reading!

Chrissy

It's Been a Ride

The past six months have been a whirlwind, so much has happened so quickly, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. It's like those Kodak moments you wish you'd captured but didn't press the camera button in time.

Today marked my second assessment with my provider, and I would like to share that things are looking good health-wise, including my hormone levels. After discussing my progress, my provider and I agreed to go full throttle into 2025 with a tripled estrogen dose.

She also brought up progesterone. While she typically recommends it to her patients at the one-year mark, she explained that its effectiveness for gender-affirming feminization isn't fully proven to be effective yet. She said We'll revisit the topic when the time comes, but I'm glad to know it's on the horizon.

Tomorrow, at 10:45 AM Eastern Time, I have my consultation for laser hair removal. My provider assured me that she'll collaborate with the dermatologist and provide all necessary documentation to my insurance company. If additional information is requested, the dermatologist performing the assessment will also assist. I feel so supported knowing this is considered medically necessary and part of my care.

I want to take a moment to express my gratitude to @ChrissyRyan, @Lori Dee, @Northern Star Girl, @Sarah B and everyone else who has been by my side from the very beginning of this journey. Your encouragement and contributions have been invaluable to me, and I credit so many of my wins to your support.

With love to all,

Lilis

Hi Lilis

Well you have certainly started of with great fanfare not to disimilar to mine:

Quote from: Lilis on December 31, 2024, 12:39:24 AMThe past six months have been a whirlwind, so much has happened so quickly, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. It's like those Kodak moments you wish you'd captured but didn't press the camera button in time.

Well whirlwind it certainly was for me as well.  Not that I ever thought of it in terms of describing it like that, I tend to think I was on a bullet train so to speak.  The ubiquitous instamatic Kodak camera where the photo could be had instantly at the press of a button,  I remember my parents buying one an their enjoyment of taking the pictures and waiting for them to develop.

Quote from: Lilis on December 31, 2024, 12:39:24 AMShe also brought up progesterone. While she typically recommends it to her patients at the one-year mark, she explained that its effectiveness for gender-affirming feminization isn't fully proven to be effective yet. She said We'll revisit the topic when the time comes, but I'm glad to know it's on the horizon.

Tomorrow, at 10:45 AM Eastern Time, I have my consultation for laser hair removal. My provider assured me that she'll collaborate with the dermatologist and provide all necessary documentation to my insurance company. If additional information is requested, the dermatologist performing the assessment will also assist. I feel so supported knowing this is considered medically necessary and part of my care.

Progesterone was never on the radar for me when I started and I was given full dosage of hormones at the time and they were, premarin (estrogen) and depo provera injection to stop the testosterone from wrecking any further damage to me.

I do not know if laser hair removal would have worked on me as I'm fair skinned and lots of freckles, maybe one treatment and they would have turned white, thereby necessitating, electrolysis methods straight away, they turned white pretty soon anyway with the waxing, hormones and the electrolysis.

There was no paper work involved for me, I paid for everything out of pocket, except for doctors visits and either the visits were bulk billed or I paid for half of the service.  Not much of a problem, because I was working ful time anyway.

Quote from: Lilis on December 31, 2024, 12:39:24 AMI want to take a moment to express my gratitude to ChrissyRyan (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=57373), Lori Dee (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=68936), Northern Star Girl (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=57927), Sarah B (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=10596) and everyone else who has been by my side from the very beginning of this journey. Your encouragement and contributions have been invaluable to me, and I credit so many of my wins to your support.

You are more than welcome and you are lucky in the sense that you have information at your finger tips, whereas I just had one article to go by.

I sit with abated breath on the edge of my computer chair waiting for the next instalment.

Take care and I hope your journey is as smooth as mine.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

I find my blog great as I live on my own and not many folks I can talk to openly, thats why my pages are full of ramblings. Its great to have some place to unclutter the brain, I will be lurking!!

Yeah you just knew I was going to poke my nose in to say hello!

So... Hello!!

And it sounds like you're kicking next year into high gear. Go you!! You deserve it. <3

Quote from: Sarah B on December 31, 2024, 02:49:06 AMProgesterone was never on the radar for me when I started and I was given full dosage of hormones at the time and they were, premarin (estrogen) and depo provera injection to stop the testosterone from wrecking any further damage to me.

It's interesting to hear how protocols have changed over time, and it's great to hear different perspectives, and the different ways to get the desired results on one's journey.

Quote from: Sarah B on December 31, 2024, 02:49:06 AMI do not know if laser hair removal would have worked on me as I'm fair skinned and lots of freckles, maybe one treatment and they would have turned white, thereby necessitating, electrolysis methods straight away, they turned white pretty soon anyway with the waxing, hormones and the electrolysis.

There was no paper work involved for me, I paid for everything out of pocket, except for doctors visits and either the visits were bulk billed or I paid for half of the service.  Not much of a problem, because I was working ful time anyway.

Oh wow, your description reminds me of my ex-wife—she had auburn hair, green eyes, fair skin, and lots of freckles. My son inherited most of her features, and they both always received so much positive attention. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if I was overly protective of her, she's a truly beautiful woman.

That's great that everything worked out naturally for you with your hair removal. My doctor suggested waiting 7 months to a year on hormones before making decisions about hair removal, so I'm trying to give my body time to adjust and see what changes happen naturally. Still, I'm starting to feel nervous because I want to feel more confident in my body by the summer months here in the Northeast. I just want to be prepared and ready.

Quote from: Sarah B on December 31, 2024, 02:49:06 AMTake care and I hope your journey is as smooth as mine.

Thank you so so much, Sarah.

Quote from: Sephirah on December 31, 2024, 01:43:49 PMSo... Hello!!

Thanks for stopping by.
 

Quote from: Sephirah on December 31, 2024, 01:43:49 PMAnd it sounds like you're kicking next year into high gear. Go you!! You deserve it.

Fingers crossed.

Quote from: davina61 on December 31, 2024, 04:30:54 AMI find my blog great as I live on my own and not many folks I can talk to openly, thats why my pages are full of ramblings. Its great to have some place to unclutter the brain, I will be lurking!!

Yes, living alone definitely has its advantages, I can relate to that. Thank you so much for your support!

Hi Lilis

Now you know why I like reading other members' stories.  It gives one a perspective on their journey.

Just a couple of minor points.  They may be self evident.  Within four weeks of arriving in Sydney, I was on full blown hormone replacement therapy.  I just went into the doctor's and he asked me if I had been on hormones before.  I said yes.  No I never had been, but a couple of sponge inserts may have helped.

I never knew at the time what the Depo-Provera was until recently in the last couple of years.  It really is a castration chemical! As I said, I was totally ignorant of what I was doing or naive.  After surgery my breasts started to lactate and Depo-Provera was removed from my hormone replacement therapy.

I had started waxing my face occasionally about a year before I arrived in Sydney.  It took a couple of sessions to get rid of it for the first time.  Even my memory of the time having it done is vague.  I believe I was doing it because I wanted to be a female.  Self consciously? Then again I just did it.  not even thinking why I was doing it.

When I arrived in Sydney my routine for hair removal was basically electrolysis on Saturday morning with waxing on Sunday night every week.  I guess with this routine and HRT my hairs went white very quickly and I continued this treatment for the next year and a half.  Then they were all gone! Yay!

I guess the hormones can have an effect on the face.  I do not really know.  That remains to be seen in your case.  However I guess the hormones have reduced the hairs on my arms and legs to basically vellum type hairs.  I need a magnifying glass to just see them.

There is no reason that I can see why one should not start hair removal sooner.  That depends on the individual concerned and how they feel about doing it.  I guess remove the hair by waxing and then see how you feel!

Well if you look at my avatar you can see the color of my hair.  yeah but I wish I had green eyes.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Happy new year Lilis!

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 01, 2025, 08:31:07 AMHappy new year Lilis!

Chrissy

Thank you so much, Chrissy, Happy New Year to you and your loved ones as well.

Quote from: Lilis on January 01, 2025, 04:25:42 PMThank you so much, Chrissy, Happy New Year to you and your loved ones as well.

Aww you are sweet Lilis.

Thank you so much.


Chrissy

Quote from: Sarah B on January 01, 2025, 05:58:20 AMHi Lilis

Now you know why I like reading other members' stories.  It gives one a perspective on their journey.

Just a couple of minor points.  They may be self evident.  Within four weeks of arriving in Sydney, I was on full blown hormone replacement therapy.  I just went into the doctor's and he asked me if I had been on hormones before.  I said yes.  No I never had been, but a couple of sponge inserts may have helped.

I never knew at the time what the Depo-Provera was until recently in the last couple of years.  It really is a castration chemical! As I said, I was totally ignorant of what I was doing or naive.  After surgery my breasts started to lactate and Depo-Provera was removed from my hormone replacement therapy.

Ah, I looked up 'Depo-Provera,' and it turns out it's sometimes used as part of hormone therapy to suppress testosterone production, particularly for those who can't take or tolerate other testosterone blockers like spironolactone or cyproterone acetate. It's also available in the United States. This sounds like something I'm interested in, going to run it by my provider with my next session with her. Thanks for the heads-up, Sarah.

QuoteI had started waxing my face occasionally about a year before I arrived in Sydney.  It took a couple of sessions to get rid of it for the first time.  Even my memory of the time having it done is vague.  I believe I was doing it because I wanted to be a female.  Self consciously? Then again I just did it.  not even thinking why I was doing it.

When I arrived in Sydney my routine for hair removal was basically electrolysis on Saturday morning with waxing on Sunday night every week.  I guess with this routine and HRT my hairs went white very quickly and I continued this treatment for the next year and a half.  Then they were all gone! Yay!

I guess the hormones can have an effect on the face.  I do not really know.  That remains to be seen in your case.  However I guess the hormones have reduced the hairs on my arms and legs to basically vellum type hairs.  I need a magnifying glass to just see them.

There is no reason that I can see why one should not start hair removal sooner.  That depends on the individual concerned and how they feel about doing it.  I guess remove the hair by waxing and then see how you feel!

Thanks Sarah, I will try these methods if things don' go as planned.

QuoteWell if you look at my avatar you can see the color of my hair.  yeah but I wish I had green eyes.

Oh, I see, I see, yes, my ex and my son's hair match yours. Don't worry about your eye color; honetly, I have brown eyes myself, and I think all eye colors are beautiful. If your SO is overprotective of you, as I was with my ex, just tell him to grow up. I've been there, and I regret it, it was detrimental to our relationship.

Lilis!!!

I just saw you started a blog!

May this space and your years ahead be blessed and filled with glorious triumphs, amazing discoveries and joyous connections to your life, to others and to the world!

Onward We Go Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on January 01, 2025, 07:45:14 PMI just saw you started a blog!

Hi Ashley, long time no see! Every time you participate in the chat, it feels like you bring a wave of hope, experience, strength, blessings, and joy. It's always so good to see you, and thanks for stopping by my blog.

I thought this would be a great time to start moving things forward. I'm beginning to feel more confident in my journey and have learned so much from reading the posts of the silent and active voices in these forums. I believe I might now have a little to offer that could potentially help others whenever it's needed.

Quote from: tgirlamg on January 01, 2025, 07:45:14 PMMay this space and your years ahead be blessed and filled with glorious triumphs, amazing discoveries and joyous connections to your life, to others and to the world!

I appreciate your blessings and encouragement. The words you share always calm my spirit and mean so much to me. Thank you so much, Ashley.

~ Lilis

Lilis!

Awwww!... Thank you for the kind words! I look forward to following along as your journey unfolds for you... Enjoy every day and every step forward!

Onward!

A 💕

The Unveiled Face

"Inspired by 2 Corinthians 3:17-18:

'Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.'

An unveiled face.

Those words stir something deep within me. To live with an unveiled face is to embrace openness, authenticity, and freedom. It means removing the masks we wear to fit in, to hide our pain, or to suppress our true selves. For me, transitioning feels like this unveiling, shedding a false presentation that didn't align with who I truly am to reveal the person I was always meant to be.

This process hasn't been easy. Unveiling requires courage. It's about becoming emotionally vulnerable, trusting that love and truth can still shine through our imperfections. It's about allowing others to see the real me, even when it feels risky. Most of all, it's about trusting myself, trusting that my identity and my journey are valid and worth honoring.

With each step of this journey, I feel a profound transformation, not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically. The more I unveil, the more I feel a sense of freedom. Freedom to be authentic. Freedom to grow. Freedom to live fully and unapologetically.

Living with an unveiled face is about reflecting my true self in the world. It's standing in my truth, even when it's hard, even when it's scary. Because in doing so, I find connection, understanding, and the power to inspire others to live authentically too.

To anyone walking this path of self-discovery, whether through transitioning or any other journey, know that unveiling is a process. It's okay to take it one step at a time. There is freedom on the other side of fear, and there is so much beauty in uncovering who you truly are.

With unveiled faces, let's continue to embrace authenticity, courage, and the joy of becoming.

With love and light,

Lilis

Navigating the Fluidity of My Identity: A Journey of Becoming

I've often found myself reflecting on the complexities of identity, the fluidity, the intersectionality, and how each layer of my experience shapes who I am. As I continue on my journey, both physically and spiritually, I find myself in a constant state of discovery. I am a trans woman, yes, but I am also genderfluid, and my journey involves embracing both sides of my gender identity: the woman I am becoming, the man I once was, and everything in between.

For so long, I tried to fit myself into a box, pushing away parts of me that didn't align with the 'standard' definitions of what it meant to be a woman, or what it meant to be a man. But I now realize that my identity is not meant to fit into a neat and tidy label. It's an ongoing, evolving process of self-expression, and it's deeply personal.

Being a genderfluid person means I don't experience my gender in a linear or static way. There are times when I feel deeply connected to my womanhood, a part of me that has always been there, waiting to emerge and be seen. Other times, I feel more connected to my male side, a reflection of the experiences I carry with me from before my transition. Both parts are valid. Both parts are me.

Living as a trans woman has been transformative, both in how I see myself and how I interact with the world. But the beauty of being genderfluid is that I don't have to choose one version of myself over the other. I can honor all of the facets of my identity, from my past to my present to the person I am becoming. It's not about erasing parts of myself, but about embracing the full spectrum of who I am.

In many ways, my transition is not just about outward changes, it's about healing, aligning my soul with my body, and finding peace within the fluidity of my gender. It's an act of self-affirmation, of understanding that I am worthy of living authentically, no matter how that expression may evolve over time.

Through this journey, I've also come to understand the importance of self-compassion. It's okay to be uncertain. It's okay to have moments of doubt. What matters is that I continue to show up for myself, with love and patience, as I learn to navigate this beautiful, complex journey of self-discovery.

I am grateful for every part of this journey, the challenges, the growth, the moments of clarity and the moments of uncertainty. All of it is part of the story of who I am becoming, and it's a story that I am honored to share with you.

With love,

Lilis

The Duality of My Identity: A Journey of Mind, Soul, and Spirit

Imagine two twins, conceived not in the womb, but in the mind, soul, and spirit. They are connected by something deeper, an immaterial bond that transcends physical existence. These twins are both identical in their shared essence, yet uniquely different in how they express themselves. One might be more dominant at times, while the other may quietly wait, ready to emerge when needed. They are both real, both part of the same whole, and yet they are separate in their own way.

This is how I think about my genderfluidity. The identities of the woman I am becoming and the man I once was are like those twins, intimately linked but distinct. They exist together in a shared space of my mind and soul, not in conflict but in harmony, taking turns to manifest, and sometimes blending together in ways I can't entirely explain.

Like twins in the womb, they were conceived together, each a reflection of different aspects of me, growing in parallel. But instead of the usual separation of identities seen in the physical world, these twins live within me, interconnected in a realm beyond the tangible. They are not opposites, but rather two sides of the same being, intertwined in a dance of discovery, exploration, and self-expression.

At times, I experience the intense presence of one twin, my feminine self coming to the forefront, strong and confident, embracing womanhood fully. At other times, the masculine twin steps forward, not as an anchor but as a part of me that I still carry, a part that reflects my past, my experiences, and the lessons I've learned.

Both are me. Both are valid. Both are worthy of being acknowledged and celebrated. And just as twins conceived in the womb would never be the same person, my genderfluidity is a unique and beautiful blending of these identities. Neither one is more authentic than the other; they are two sides of a whole, existing together in a way that only I can understand and experience.

The connection between these identities is not just physical or emotional, but spiritual and soulful, an immaterial bond that transcends the constraints of traditional gender roles. It's a bond that allows me to flow between the two aspects of myself, understanding that each is a reflection of who I truly am.

In embracing my genderfluidity, I am learning to honor both twins within me, and to understand that they both play a vital role in my journey. I am more than the labels society often tries to place on me. I am a living embodiment of the duality of self, navigating a path that is uniquely mine and full of love, acceptance, and the freedom to be whoever I need to be in any given moment.

With love,

Lilis

I love this! Well said, Lilis.

Lilis!

So many insightful thoughts beautifully expressed sister... you see clearly the unlimited and glorious potential that waits for all of us to simply choose it. 🌻

I have seen so many come here to this site over the many years that view their struggles with gender and self expression as a burden... a punishment... a horrible unwanted fate... it can easily be those things if we choose it to be that... but, if we choose... it can instead be an opportunity like no other to find and connect with all the beautiful things life holds for us all.. connection to ourselves, connection to others, connection to our purpose, connection to life, the world, nature and the God that placed us here, with intent, to have these experiences and learn from them as we find our way. 🌻

You are on your right and intended path sister... I know you can feel it and that you know it in your heart because nothing else has ever felt so right... we try many ways of moving through our life before we find the way that serves us and... with which our soul finds the resonance of proper alignment!🌻

Keep doing what you're doing girl... embrace the journey... embrace your life... embrace all that patiently awaits you and move forward with an adventurous spirit and hope always in your heart for there is so very much to be hopeful about... As you claim your life in glorious fashion, and share that experience here... others will see that such things CAN be done... that means they can do it too... they have only to choose it. 🌻


Onward Brave Sister,

Hugs, Love and Respect

Ashley 💕

"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me."

Walt Whitman

Quote from: Lilis on January 03, 2025, 03:14:42 AMThe Duality of My Identity: A Journey of Mind, Soul, and Spirit

Imagine two twins, conceived not in the womb, but in the mind, soul, and spirit. They are connected by something deeper, an immaterial bond that transcends physical existence. These twins are both identical in their shared essence, yet uniquely different in how they express themselves. One might be more dominant at times, while the other may quietly wait, ready to emerge when needed. They are both real, both part of the same whole, and yet they are separate in their own way.

This is how I think about my genderfluidity. The identities of the woman I am becoming and the man I once was are like those twins, intimately linked but distinct. They exist together in a shared space of my mind and soul, not in conflict but in harmony, taking turns to manifest, and sometimes blending together in ways I can't entirely explain.

Like twins in the womb, they were conceived together, each a reflection of different aspects of me, growing in parallel. But instead of the usual separation of identities seen in the physical world, these twins live within me, interconnected in a realm beyond the tangible. They are not opposites, but rather two sides of the same being, intertwined in a dance of discovery, exploration, and self-expression.

At times, I experience the intense presence of one twin, my feminine self coming to the forefront, strong and confident, embracing womanhood fully. At other times, the masculine twin steps forward, not as an anchor but as a part of me that I still carry, a part that reflects my past, my experiences, and the lessons I've learned.

Both are me. Both are valid. Both are worthy of being acknowledged and celebrated. And just as twins conceived in the womb would never be the same person, my genderfluidity is a unique and beautiful blending of these identities. Neither one is more authentic than the other; they are two sides of a whole, existing together in a way that only I can understand and experience.

The connection between these identities is not just physical or emotional, but spiritual and soulful, an immaterial bond that transcends the constraints of traditional gender roles. It's a bond that allows me to flow between the two aspects of myself, understanding that each is a reflection of who I truly am.

In embracing my genderfluidity, I am learning to honor both twins within me, and to understand that they both play a vital role in my journey. I am more than the labels society often tries to place on me. I am a living embodiment of the duality of self, navigating a path that is uniquely mine and full of love, acceptance, and the freedom to be whoever I need to be in any given moment.

(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/54244994340_8c4b2a4b2a_z.jpg) (https://www.flickr.com/gp/156388176@N05/18FN740812)Untitled (https://www.flickr.com/gp/156388176@N05/18FN740812) by Ashley (https://www.flickr.com/photos/156388176@N05/), on Flickr

Onward...

A :)

Quote from: Lilis on December 31, 2024, 12:39:24 AMIt's Been a Ride

The past six months have been a whirlwind, so much has happened so quickly, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. It's like those Kodak moments you wish you'd captured but didn't press the camera button in time.

Today marked my second assessment with my provider, and I would like to share that things are looking good health-wise, including my hormone levels. After discussing my progress, my provider and I agreed to go full throttle into 2025 with a tripled estrogen dose.

She also brought up progesterone. While she typically recommends it to her patients at the one-year mark, she explained that its effectiveness for gender-affirming feminization isn't fully proven to be effective yet. She said We'll revisit the topic when the time comes, but I'm glad to know it's on the horizon.

Tomorrow, at 10:45 AM Eastern Time, I have my consultation for laser hair removal. My provider assured me that she'll collaborate with the dermatologist and provide all necessary documentation to my insurance company. If additional information is requested, the dermatologist performing the assessment will also assist. I feel so supported knowing this is considered medically necessary and part of my care.

I want to take a moment to express my gratitude to @ChrissyRyan, @Lori Dee, @Northern Star Girl, @Sarah B and everyone else who has been by my side from the very beginning of this journey. Your encouragement and contributions have been invaluable to me, and I credit so many of my wins to your support.

With love to all,

Lilis

Oh wow. Once the dosage gets past the initial trial levels to make sure you are not going to self destruct things start to happen. This must be really exciting and nervous time all at once.

Laser isn't bad but it won't get it all. You'll want to get it zapped until it's knocked down a bunch and then start hitting it with electrolysis.

Very interesting new posts by you Lilis and responses from other members, for sure.

I have been using just estrogen and Finasteride since starting medical HRT.
I have never used Progesterone except the over the counter creams.  They seemed to do nothing for breast growth but herbals and estrogenic foods did somewhat.  So I stopped those creams prior to starting medical HRT.

Then I learned the Progesterone was not necessarily good (or bad) for MTFs with their HRT regimen so to be safe, and having no recommendation by a physician to use it, I have not resumed use of the cream and I have no prescription for Progesterone. 

Maybe it works for some of us, and I think the Lori uses it.  I read somewhere that Progesterone may change estrogen to testosterone, and who wants much of that added to your body, as it makes some regardless?  Although this may just be a temporary chemical change to another chemical in the body I do not want any excess testosterone for sure.  If my physician ever recommends it I may try it and I will need to know why she recommends it for me, of course. 

To my way of thinking, the less medicines to use the better.  Just the ones needed.

I probably may not get much more breast development.  I am usually satisfied that I have developed into a B cup size.  Perky is good too!

Chrissy

I do use Progesterone three times a day. Oral not creams. Progesterone does not do anything with Testosterone. Both estrogen and progesterone are produced in the ovaries. Estrogen develops the infrastructure of the breast (ducts, nipple, and fat distribution). Progesterone develops the mammary glands within the breast. So estrogen makes the breast grow outward and progesterone makes them expand so they are more like melons and less like bananas.

Check out this article:
https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 12, 2025, 03:19:01 PMOh wow. Once the dosage gets past the initial trial levels to make sure you are not going to self destruct things start to happen. This must be really exciting and nervous time all at once.

No, I haven't self-destructed yet, but the added dosage is making me really hungry. I'm not sure if it's nerves or just a side effect of the HRT, honestly, it kind of feels like I'm pregnant or something.

Quote from: Lilis on January 12, 2025, 05:45:37 PMNo, I haven't self-destructed yet, but the added dosage is making me really hungry. I'm not sure if it's nerves or just a side effect of the HRT, honestly, it kind of feels like I'm pregnant or something.

After an initial dosage level for awhile, I have been staying at my increased constant level ever since.  I think my dosage might go down eventually as there may be an increased cancer risk over time which may be mitigated with a lower dose.  I do not want cancer of course.  My physicians will know about all of that much better than me.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 12, 2025, 04:36:08 PMVery interesting new posts by you Lilis and responses from other members, for sure.

Thanks, Chrissy. I'm in good hands, lots of experienced voices are chiming in.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 12, 2025, 04:36:08 PMThen I learned the Progesterone was not necessarily good (or bad) for MTFs with their HRT regimen so to be safe, and having no recommendation by a physician to use it, I have not resumed use of the cream and I have no prescription for Progesterone.

Yes, this is exactly what my doctor briefly mentioned. She didn't go into detail but said we could discuss it again later on in my journey if I'm interested. Currently I am not taking it I am just doing some research on it and will decide later with I want to add it to GAHT.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 12, 2025, 04:52:26 PMCheck out this article:
https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376 (https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376)

Thanks Lori for this information.

Quote from: Lilis on January 12, 2025, 05:45:37 PMNo, I haven't self-destructed yet, but the added dosage is making me really hungry. I'm not sure if it's nerves or just a side effect of the HRT, honestly, it kind of feels like I'm pregnant or something.

It's called puberty. ;D

Don't lose control though because it's easier to gain weight once the testosterone is diminished.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 12, 2025, 06:43:26 PMIt's called puberty. ;D

Lol, this made me jump out of my seat and almost spill my drink.  ;D 

Oh no, maybe my initial progress has been diminished.

Quote from: Lilis on January 12, 2025, 07:18:00 PMLol, this made me jump out of my seat and almost spill my drink.  ;D 

Oh no, maybe my initial progress has been diminished.

ROFLMAO

Thank you for the blog. I am reading and trying to keep up. I so much enjoy the posts and replies.  So much is new to me and I am sponging lots of good stuff.

Love and hugs,
Leigh

Quote from: MsLeigh on January 16, 2025, 08:42:12 PMThank you for the blog. I am reading and trying to keep up. I so much enjoy the posts and replies.  So much is new to me and I am sponging lots of good stuff.

You're welcome, and thanks for stopping by and reading. Yes, excellent replies from those that made all this possible for newbies like us.

Hi Leigh

You Said:

Quote from: MsLeigh on January 16, 2025, 08:42:12 PMThank you for the blog. I am reading and trying to keep up. I so much enjoy the posts and replies.  So much is new to me and I am sponging lots of good stuff.

Love and hugs,
Leigh

This is what Susan's is all about,  I came along in 2010 soaked up a lot of information and passed on what I knew.  You are passing on what you know to others by telling your story and journey.  So please continue doing what you are doing.

Lilis, pass on your knowledge as well, by telling your story and journey.

Take care one and all and all the best for the future

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@MsLeigh @Lilis

Where is Lilis right now, let's take a closer look:

Only I can see her and perceive her in the mirror, and when I feel connected to her through things like painted nails or physical sensations, doesn't mean I am "crazy."

My therapist agrees, and he said that these experiences can be deeply tied to my gender identity and how my brain affirms my sense of self. Suggesting, that this this is likely a reflection of gender euphoria or a strong internal alignment with my identity as a woman.

He continues, that gender euphoria can be a deeply validating and uplifting experience. It allows me to feel joy and connection when aspects of my body or presentation align with my true self. However, it can sometimes feel confusing or overwhelming, especially when the outside world doesn't always reflect or affirm what I feel internally.

He also said this, if these experiences are persistent or cause me significant distress, they might overlap with certain mental health conditions like body image dysmorphia or dissociation, which he ruled out, and that doesn't inherently mean something is wrong, and that my experiences is just part of processing my transition, emotions, and identity.

Enough of the medical and scientific stuff, let's look at the spiritual implication:

The spiritual implications of gender euphoria can be profound and deeply personal, as it often reflects a sense of alignment between my inner self and the divine, the universe, or my spiritual understanding of existence. Gender euphoria can also feel like a moment of spiritual alignment, where my true self is revealed and celebrated, mirroring the divine intention or purpose for my life.

For those who believe in a spiritual journey or calling, gender euphoria can affirm that you are walking the right path. It may feel like divine affirmation that you are honoring your truest self and fulfilling your spiritual purpose. Some interpret gender euphoria as a connection to something greater than oneself, such as the collective human experience or universal love. It can feel like a reminder of the divine spark within all beings and the beauty of diversity in creation.

For those who view the divine as multifaceted or beyond human constructs, gender euphoria might reflect the divine's fluid and expansive nature. It may be a reminder that the divine exists within you, as you embrace and embody your true self.

Bringing Lilis, into the world is not about perfection, it's about authenticity. The world may not always see her exactly as I do, but my belief in her is what matters most. Every time I honor her presence through her appearance, her voice, or her actions I make her visible.

I love this!

A Glimmer of Hope

In the heart of New York, where dreams collide with reality and the skyline bears witness to countless journeys, I, Lilis, carry within me a spirit of resilience, nurtured by self discovery, faith, and perseverance. Lately, I've dared to trust in the promise of a world where authenticity is embraced, a world where I can live openly as the woman I have always known myself to be.

But earlier this week, the political climate under the Trump administration cast a long shadow over that vision. With executive orders seeking to define gender in rigid, binary terms, male and female, fixed and unchangeable, my community and I once again found ourselves fighting to be seen, heard, and understood. These policies felt deeply personal, pressing against the very core of our identities and freedoms.

The once vibrant and inclusive community I cherish now finds itself grappling with fear and uncertainty. Friends whisper about seeking safer harbors, while support groups overflow with voices searching for hope. The very essence of who we are is under scrutiny, and the weight of societal judgment feels heavier than ever.

For me, the journey of transitioning, both medically and socially, has already been filled with its own unique challenges. From navigating healthcare to carefully managing my hormone replacement therapy, I have devoted myself to aligning my body with my true self. The prospect of gender affirming procedures brings a mix of hope and anxiety, a delicate balance of dreams and financial realities. And now, with these new policies looming, I can't help but worry... What if access to care is taken away? What if my rights are stripped before I have the chance to fully bloom?

Despite the uncertainty, I find solace in my spiritual connection, a delicate dance of faith and self belief. I turn to meditation and gratitude, grounding myself in the knowledge that divine love embraces my authenticity. My friends in the local LGBTQ+ community, each facing their own battles with acceptance and self-image, remind me that I am not alone in this fight. Together, we create safe spaces through shared experiences, late night conversations, and moments of quiet support.

Our community's response to these political challenges is a testament to our strength, a silent yet powerful reminder that our existence cannot and will not be erased. I, Lilis, know all too well the struggles of self-doubt, the fear of not being enough, and the perceived dangers that whisper in my mind, barriers that often feel more daunting than any policy.

Still, I press on. In the face of efforts to define me out of existence, I choose to define myself on my own terms. I know that true self acceptance comes from within, and with each step, whether it's embracing my femininity, nurturing my body, or honoring my spirit, I reclaim my truth and my place in this world.

And no policy can take that away from me.

Just testing the image thingy... please be kind everyone it's my first publicly shared image...  😊


Oh no... how do I change the height and width?

Got it... 🤗

I love bell bottoms!

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 27, 2025, 01:57:38 PMI love bell bottoms!

Thank you... I I bought the wrong pants. I'm wearing 2-inch heel boots, and I was really hoping to show them off. A little disappointed, but I'm sure I'll get it right the second or third time... or who knows how many tries it'll take. 😂

In high school, I was considered a hippie because I had long hair and wore elephant bell bottoms with long-sleeve shirts with a French cuff. My grandfather had given me several sets of cufflinks that I wanted to wear. What no one could see under those elephant bells were platform shoes.  ;D

Ah, yes. The 70s.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 27, 2025, 02:13:13 PMWhat no one could see under those elephant bells were platform shoes.  ;D

Lol, 😂💕

Quote from: Lilis on January 25, 2025, 03:06:01 AMAnd now, with these new policies looming, I can't help but worry... What if access to care is taken away? What if my rights are stripped before I have the chance to fully bloom?

Hmm... this is quite strange... 🤔💭

This morning, at around 9:46 am, I received an SMS that read:

REFILL DUE: You have multiple RX's due for a refill. Txt 1 to refill or 2 for no.

So, I texted 1, to refill my prescription.

Then, at around 9:47 am, I got another message saying:

RX RECEIVED: We have received your refill request. We'll notify you when it's ready for pick-up or delivery.

But then, at 11:51 am, I received another SMS saying:

OUT OF STOCK: The Rx beginning with ES is out of stock and has been ordered. We'll text you when it's ready.

What's going on here? This has never happened before... I'm curious how long it'll take for my pharmacy to get my Estradiol tablets ready.

Thankfully, I have some extras stashed away for situations like this.

I'm also wondering if this might have something to do with the recent barrage of Executive Orders... 😕

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 10:51:54 PMI'm also wondering if this might have something to do with the recent barrage of Executive Orders... 😕

Not likely.

Estradiol is prescribed mostly for women experiencing symptoms of menopause. Executive Orders won't touch that. Most likely, it is a supply/demand issue. There are many transwomen being told by support groups to stock up on their hormones. Perhaps it is a temporary "COVID Toilet Paper" scenario and they will restock soon. If you start to run low, talk to your prescriber about moving your prescription to a different pharmacy for now.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 29, 2025, 10:56:18 PMMost likely, it is a supply/demand issue.

I think you're right, that makes sense. I just sent an email to my MDs to ramp up the quality as well. Let's see what happens.

Quote from: Lilis on January 27, 2025, 10:49:57 AM

(https://i.imgur.com/pfXphnj.png)

Just testing the image thingy... please be kind everyone it's my first publicly shared image...  😊


Oh no... how do I change the height and width?

Got it... 🤗

Lills... when  you feel ready, I would love to see your eyes. Nothing about a person really matters to me. But I can tell a lot about someone from their eyes. I don't care what lumps are where.

Quote from: Sephirah on January 29, 2025, 11:10:40 PMLills... when  you feel ready, I would love to see your eyes. Nothing about a person really matters to me.

Hahaha, I'll have to work up the courage... I'll get there eventually, but I'm not quite ready yet. 😊

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:14:37 PMHahaha, I'll have to work up the courage... I'll get there eventually, but I'm not quite ready yet. 😊

That's okay honey. No pressure. I don't let people here see me, either. I just know you are kind of a special person and I would like to see the light in your soul sometime. When you feel ready. <3 I equate people to water. It helps me make sense of them. You are a gentle river giving life in the thirsty parts of the world. You are there for people. Reading and absorbing everything.

Quote from: Sephirah on January 29, 2025, 11:21:56 PMYou are a gentle river giving life in the thirsty parts of the world. You are there for people. Reading and absorbing everything.

Thank You, you too. 🫂💗❣️

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:14:37 PMHahaha, I'll have to work up the courage... I'll get there eventually, but I'm not quite ready yet. 😊

@Lilis:
Dear Lilis:
No pressure, when you are ready and only when you are comfortable sharing...
... I will be here along with the rest of your readers and followers.

Many HUGS,  ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl)
                                      cc: @Sephirah  @Lori Dee

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on January 29, 2025, 11:30:26 PMI will be here along with the rest of your readers and followers.

Thank you, Danielle. Hopefully, one day I'll have beautiful eyes and a radiant smile like yours. But even if it's not exactly the same, I'll embrace what life has given me. 😊🫂💗

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:40:40 PMThank you, Danielle. Hopefully, one day I'll have beautiful eyes and a radiant smile like yours. But even if it's not exactly the same, I'll embrace what life has given me. 😊🫂💗

I suspect you already do, Lilis. Beauty comes from how you are, not how you look. You just need the courage to show it. That will come. <3 What life has given you is a gentle compassion to understand people. To be there for people. To understand people on the road to understanding yourself. That is true beauty. Captured in the parts of us we likely hate the most.

You are beautiful. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on January 29, 2025, 11:48:52 PMWhat life has given you is a gentle compassion to understand people. To be there for people. To understand people on the road to understanding yourself. That is true beauty. Captured in the parts of us we likely hate the most.

You are beautiful. :)

Sephirah, I'm feeling so emotional right now and at a loss for words. This really touched me, and it means so much that you noticed. You have no idea how much your words mean to me.

But right back at you, because I've noticed similar traits in you too. I just don't know how to put them into words as beautifully as you do.

Thank you. 🥹💗🫂

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:56:03 PMSephirah, I'm feeling so emotional right now and at a loss for words. This really touched me, and it means so much that you noticed. You have no idea how much your words mean to me.

But right back at you, because I've noticed similar traits in you too. I just don't know how to put them into words as beautifully as you do.

Thank you. 🥹💗🫂

Actions speak louder, honey. Keep being you, okay? Of course I noticed because... honestly, how can people not? Life is in what you do, not what you say. And you are there for people, Lilis. You are the deep, gentle, nourishing force we all need in life. Like I say, you are beautiful. Whatever else life throws at you, never forget that. <3

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:56:03 PMBut right back at you, because I've noticed similar traits in you too. I just don't know how to put them into words as beautifully as you do.

I agree. "It takes one to know one."  ;D

You're too kind. No, I'm just a curious, wordy cow. Who sometimes says something someone can relate to. You folks are the real meat and potatoes of the site. :) And long may it be so. <3

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 30, 2025, 10:48:54 AMI agree. "It takes one to know one."  ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on January 31, 2025, 03:43:46 PMNo, I'm just a curious, wordy cow.

Lol, killing me! 😂💗

It's true. I know how to say a lot of things that sound smart, but aren't!

If I ever get reincarnated, I'll come back as a lawyer :P

Confronting My Inner Critic: A Journey Through Transition, Sobriety, and Self-Acceptance

For most of my life, I have lived with a voice inside me, a relentless, nagging presence that always seemed to question my choices, my identity, and my worth. My inner critic was loud, judgmental, and deeply ingrained. It wasn't just self-doubt; it was a force that policed my every move, shaped by trauma, addiction, and the expectations of a world that never seemed ready for me.

At first, I thought this voice was just a part of me, something I had to live with, something I had to obey. But as I started to break free from the chains of its grips, dove deeper into my mental health therapy, and embrace my transition, I realized that my inner critic wasn't protecting me.

It was holding me back. 🔙

Where Did My Inner Critic Come From? 🤔💭

I believe my inner critic was born from fear, not just my own, but the collective fear of the environment I grew up in. My childhood was marked by experiences of trauma, and suppression. I was told, explicitly and implicitly, that I had to conform, that my natural femininity was something to be hidden, that my feelings were too much, that my truth was unacceptable.

My inner critic reinforced the rules that had been placed on me:

"Don't stand out."
"If they see the real you, they will reject you."
"You must be strong and silent, no one will protect you."
"You're not a real woman."

It wasn't just society that shaped this voice. At first, substances drowned out the pain, numbed the shame, and quieted the fear. But in the long run, they fed the very monster I was trying to escape. This phase in my life made my inner critic harsher, convincing me I was beyond redemption. Even when I was sober, the voice lingered, now louder than ever, whispering that I still wasn't good enough.

My Inner Critic and My Transition

One of the biggest battles I've faced has been in my social transition. Taking the steps to live fully as the woman I have always been should have felt liberating, but my inner critic clings to every fear it could find:

"What will property management think?"
"What will my co-workers think?"
"Will the staff, the maintenance crew, or security see me differently?"
"How will the other tenants in the facility react?"
"Am I putting myself in danger?"

Some of these fears are valid, I live in a world where transgender women face real risks. But my inner critic isn't just warning me about safety; it is telling me that I should be afraid, that I should stay silent, that I should hide.


It took me a few therapy sessions to realize that my inner critic isn't always speaking the truth. It speaks from pain, past experiences, and internalized shame. It wasn't trying to harm me; it was trying to keep me safe the only way it knew how:

by keeping me invisible. 😕

Reclaiming My Voice

Through therapy, mindfulness, and deep introspection, I've started challenging my inner critic instead of obeying it.

I've learned to ask it:

"Why are you afraid?"
"What are you trying to protect me from?"
"Is this fear based on reality, or is it a remnant of my past?"

I've realized that I don't have to destroy my inner critic, I have to teach it a new way to protect me.

Instead of letting it keep me trapped in fear, I remind it (and myself):

"I am not the same person I was long ago; I am strong, and healing."
"I deserve to exist as my true self, even if others don't understand."
"I will take my transition at my own pace, I don't have to prove anything to anyone."
"Not everyone will accept me, but that doesn't mean I'm unworthy of love and respect."

Moving Forward

The journey to self-acceptance isn't linear. Some days, my inner critic still gets loud. But now, I know I don't have to listen to every word it says.

I don't have to let it control me. 😊❣️

I am learning to be patient with myself, to allow myself to exist without justification, and to remind myself that I am worthy, not despite my struggles, but because I have overcome them.

If you're reading this and you recognize your own inner critic, know this: You are not broken. You are not alone. And you do not have to live under the weight of that voice forever. Healing is possible. Self-love is possible. Freedom is possible. And step by step, we will get there.

~ Lilis

I've never heard the inner voice described as a critic but it makes sense. My voice is always screaming at me. I remember reading that God speaks in a still soft voice which I never could hear because my critic voice is always screaming at me. It still torments me as if there is someone living in my head. Nice to know I'm not alone! and there is hope.

Lilis,

Wishing you a fabulous week!

Chrissy

Quote from: Gina P on February 10, 2025, 05:43:43 AMI've never heard the inner voice described as a critic but it makes sense.

It depends what frame work your therapist or psychologist if you have one use. My therapist he aplies, (CBT) which is a type of psychotherapy that helps people manage their thoughts and behaviors. It's a combination of cognitive therapy and behavior therapy.

QuoteMy voice is always screaming at me. I remember reading that God speaks in a still soft voice which I never could hear because my critic voice is always screaming at me. It still torments me as if there is someone living in my head.

The inner critic is the medical explanation of this non audible voice that is always with the individual. There are different variations in spirituality that it can mean different things to different beliefs systems.

QuoteNice to know I'm not alone! and there is hope.

I think this is one of the most beautiful things about being transgender, transexual or how the individual feels about their transitioning. We all congregate here and on other similar websites and forums. We all share our life's experiences. We're all different but yet we all have some similarities.

It's nice to know I am not as well. Thank you so much for stopping by, reading, and adding to my blog, Gina. 🫂💗💞

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 10, 2025, 08:02:50 AMLilis,

Wishing you a fabulous week!

Chrissy

Thank you so much Chrissy, a fabulous week to you as well!

🫂💗💞

Letter of support and Name Change info

Hi Lilis,

It was so nice meeting you today. Here is a draft of your letter. Please let me know if it sounds ok to you and if there are any edits you want me to make. Also included the name change information. All you need to do is call and say I referred you. They are very nice I promise. The other attachment is a group that may interest you:)

Take care
Rachel


🙄❤️🌹

Property Management

Hello,

I hope things are going well. Quick question: is there a preferred name you want staff to use for you if other residents are in the same area?

Is referring to you as (last_name) a preferred name in situations like this?

If other residents are not around, when referring to your last name, is "last_name" preferred in general, or is something like "Ms last_name" preferred?

Thanks!

Braxton


🙄❤️🌹

Hair Removal Spa

Hello,

We've forwarded your documents to your_insurance for the claim review. Our front desk staff will contact you once we've received your_insurance determination.

Thank you,

Sam

Insurance Coordinator

Hi Lilis

The following comes to mind:

"Come, Watson, come.  The game is afoot.  Not a word!  Into your clothes and come!"

Absolutely Amazing, You Go Girl.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Quote from: Sarah B on February 19, 2025, 01:11:41 AMHi Lilis

The following comes to mind:

"Come, Watson, come.  The game is afoot.  Not a word!  Into your clothes and come!"

Absolutely Amazing, You Go Girl.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Hahaha 😂, just having some fun!

Oh my God, everything happening all at once.

1. Medical letter for electrolysis/laser

2. Mental health evaluation for electrolysis/laser

3. The hair removal provider submits the claim.

4. Social transitioning where I live.

Now it's a waiting game, let's see how long it takes the insurance company to respond. I have the capacity to pay it for myself, but if I can get them to pay for it, why not? I can use the money for something else.

Pray.... 😊🤞🙏

Hi Lilis

What is happening to you, reminds me of what happened to me, bang one thing after another.  I'm still stunned to this day, how everything went.

I hope everything works out in your favour.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Quote from: Sarah B on February 19, 2025, 02:31:01 AMI'm still stunned to this day, how everything went.

I hope everything works out in your favour.

Wow, that's powerful and I can sense the energy, the joy, the happiness in your words even till this day!

Thank you so much, Sarah! 💖🌹

Quote from: Lilis on February 09, 2025, 03:55:31 PMConfronting My Inner Critic: A Journey Through Transition, Sobriety, and Self-Acceptance

For most of my life, I have lived with a voice inside me, a relentless, nagging presence that always seemed to question my choices, my identity, and my worth. My inner critic was loud, judgmental, and deeply ingrained. It wasn't just self-doubt; it was a force that policed my every move, shaped by trauma, addiction, and the expectations of a world that never seemed ready for me.

At first, I thought this voice was just a part of me, something I had to live with, something I had to obey. But as I started to break free from the chains of its grips, dove deeper into my mental health therapy, and embrace my transition, I realized that my inner critic wasn't protecting me.

It was holding me back. 🔙

Where Did My Inner Critic Come From? 🤔💭

I believe my inner critic was born from fear, not just my own, but the collective fear of the environment I grew up in. My childhood was marked by experiences of trauma, and suppression. I was told, explicitly and implicitly, that I had to conform, that my natural femininity was something to be hidden, that my feelings were too much, that my truth was unacceptable.

My inner critic reinforced the rules that had been placed on me:

"Don't stand out."
"If they see the real you, they will reject you."
"You must be strong and silent, no one will protect you."
"You're not a real woman."

It wasn't just society that shaped this voice. At first, substances drowned out the pain, numbed the shame, and quieted the fear. But in the long run, they fed the very monster I was trying to escape. This phase in my life made my inner critic harsher, convincing me I was beyond redemption. Even when I was sober, the voice lingered, now louder than ever, whispering that I still wasn't good enough.

My Inner Critic and My Transition

One of the biggest battles I've faced has been in my social transition. Taking the steps to live fully as the woman I have always been should have felt liberating, but my inner critic clings to every fear it could find:

"What will property management think?"
"What will my co-workers think?"
"Will the staff, the maintenance crew, or security see me differently?"
"How will the other tenants in the facility react?"
"Am I putting myself in danger?"

Some of these fears are valid, I live in a world where transgender women face real risks. But my inner critic isn't just warning me about safety; it is telling me that I should be afraid, that I should stay silent, that I should hide.


It took me a few therapy sessions to realize that my inner critic isn't always speaking the truth. It speaks from pain, past experiences, and internalized shame. It wasn't trying to harm me; it was trying to keep me safe the only way it knew how:

by keeping me invisible. 😕

Reclaiming My Voice

Through therapy, mindfulness, and deep introspection, I've started challenging my inner critic instead of obeying it.

I've learned to ask it:

"Why are you afraid?"
"What are you trying to protect me from?"
"Is this fear based on reality, or is it a remnant of my past?"

I've realized that I don't have to destroy my inner critic, I have to teach it a new way to protect me.

Instead of letting it keep me trapped in fear, I remind it (and myself):

"I am not the same person I was long ago; I am strong, and healing."
"I deserve to exist as my true self, even if others don't understand."
"I will take my transition at my own pace, I don't have to prove anything to anyone."
"Not everyone will accept me, but that doesn't mean I'm unworthy of love and respect."

Moving Forward

The journey to self-acceptance isn't linear. Some days, my inner critic still gets loud. But now, I know I don't have to listen to every word it says.

I don't have to let it control me. 😊❣️

I am learning to be patient with myself, to allow myself to exist without justification, and to remind myself that I am worthy, not despite my struggles, but because I have overcome them.

If you're reading this and you recognize your own inner critic, know this: You are not broken. You are not alone. And you do not have to live under the weight of that voice forever. Healing is possible. Self-love is possible. Freedom is possible. And step by step, we will get there.

~ Lilis

The thing to understand about this inner critic is that... well several things:

1. It's coming from the deepest part of your mind. It's the part of your mind that lays down the framework of how you should live based solely on the experiences you had at the time you made these rules. It is very resistant to change. It's like long term memory vs short term memory. To use a computing equivalent. It's RAM vs ROM.

2. It actually is trying to protect you. But in the worst possible way. As people we don't like uncertainty. We don't like taking risks. If you get hurt one time back when you were like six years old, your mind will hold onto that as a blueprint for why you should never put yourself in that situation ever again. We have so many walls, and defence mechanisms that the mind throws up just so we don't get hurt... getting through them is a literal minefield. And why we need therapists and people who are trained in the skills to listen to people, and probe these archaic ways of being, to see if they are still relevant.

3. We are not beyond change. Your post proves that. You just have to examine and understand why you feel the way you do. Why you have thought the way you have, and if the way you think can be changed to make your life better. Often that can't be achieved alone because... we only have the voices in our own heads to listen to... but as you've shown... they CAN be changed. And this is the most important thing.

Your inner critic is there to serve a purpose. It's to not put you in positions you might get hurt. But taking a chance and getting hurt is a part of life. As you've discovered... taking those steps is the more important parts of life. We can't just live in a shell our whole life. Defence mechanisms only work when you think you need to be defended.

@Sephirah Wow! You explained the inner critic just as clearly and concisely as my therapist and psychiatrist.

Thank you so much! 🫂💓

Text message from my hair removal provider.

Hi - [name_of_provider] here with some great news! We got your final approval from your_insurance, so you are all set to start being seen at our Brooklyn, Manhattan, & or Queens locations. You can book your consultation & first treatment at your leisure. To do so, you can call us (555)555-5555, email us at [provider_email_adress], or visit our website at www.provider_website. Thank you!

~ Edited provider information.

Ouch 🤕😳, I can't tolerate pain, the main reason why I don't have any tattoos, but nonetheless this is going to be fun!


😳😊💖

Congrats Lilis!

In my case it always felt like once I was on the right path and moving forward in the right direction... everything just fell into place and the path just kind of unfolded beautifully before my feet... all I had to do is walk down it... Sounds like your path is doing much the same! Enjoy it all... even the pain of electrolysis brings liberation with each zap!

Onward!!!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on February 21, 2025, 10:06:55 AMCongrats Lilis!

In my case it always felt like once I was on the right path and moving forward in the right direction... everything just fell into place and the path just kind of unfolded beautifully before my feet... all I had to do is walk down it... Sounds like your path is doing much the same!

Thank you, yes, it's like an avalanche since the beginning of the year. It's probably time to figure out how to include my transitioning in my schedule without interrupting my other daily activities.

QuoteEnjoy it all... even the pain of electrolysis brings liberation with each zap!

Oh, and thank you so much for this, Ashley. This will be my mantra throughout this phase of my journey! 🫂💓

Calling them now to set up my first consultation and treatment. 😳🙏

Hi Tgirlamg and Lilis

You mentioned:

Quote from: tgirlamg on February 21, 2025, 10:06:55 AMCongrats Lilis!

In my case it always felt like once I was on the right path and moving forward in the right direction... everything just fell into place and the path just kind of unfolded beautifully before my feet... all I had to do is walk down it... Sounds like your path is doing much the same! Enjoy it all... even the pain of electrolysis brings liberation with each zap!

Onward!!!

Ashley 💕

I guess I could say I was always on the right path, not even realizing I was.  It is only with hindsight years later that I realized that everything was taken care of in the first couple of months of changing my life around and then it was plain sailing to that very special day.  I had no worries or problems during that time either.

Yes, Lilis enjoy every moment, record the journey with photos or entries in a diary.  I remember the zaps and zapping that would result in a hairless face!  Oh the joy of that persists to this day.

Have fun girls.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
  Thank you for sharing the picture of your Bobby back in your home... 
... indeed, he appears to be very happy.

HUGS, Danielle

Bobby does look content.  Is he a rottweiler?

Quote from: MaryT on February 26, 2025, 11:44:27 PMBobby does look content.  Is he a rottweiler?

Yes 🐶🐕🦴🐾

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on February 26, 2025, 11:26:46 PM@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
  Thank you for sharing the picture of your Bobby back in your home... 
... indeed, he appears to be very happy.

HUGS, Danielle

You're welcome, and thank you Danielle 💓.

He's 2 years old, I love his loyalty, strength, and protective nature. I do think he loves me too, flaws and all, and unlike some humans, he loves me unconditional.

It's funny how some people love becomes conditional when what I do no longer suits them.

Lol, 😂

Where I have my workshop D has a Rottweiler and I have known her since she was a pup, she makes Bobby look like a tiddler as she is HUGE. She is also wilful and a sandwich short of a picnic!!

Quote from: davina61 on February 27, 2025, 03:15:17 AMWhere I have my workshop D has a Rottweiler and I have known her since she was a pup

I love the puppy years as well.

So cute!🥰💓

Quoteshe makes Bobby look like a tiddler as she is HUGE. She is also wilful and a sandwich short of a picnic!!

Yeah, he's a little boy, I like how he intimidates the bad guys if they approach me aggressively, lol 😂.

But he's really a huggable little bear.

Aww.... She sounds like she's adorable. 🥰💓

No she is scitzo, tries to eat the bars on the iron gate when I walk past but then if she is lose and walks around my shop she is okay. When D gets dragged up the road he puts a muzzle on her as he cant trust her.

Quote from: Lilis on February 27, 2025, 03:25:45 AMAww.... She sounds like she's adorable. 🥰💓

Quote from: davina61 on February 27, 2025, 08:58:07 AMNo she is scitzo, tries to eat the bars on the iron gate

Quote from: davina61 on February 27, 2025, 08:58:07 AMWhen D gets dragged up the road he puts a muzzle on her as he cant trust her.

Hahaha, it's clearly that I misunderstood, I get it now.

At least she is a good girl inside the shop.

Lilis, you are a dog person. I love you just that massive bit more.

Bobby is utterly adorable. <3 Makes me want another dog.

Do me a favour, okay? Next chance you have... go give him a giant hug and tell him you love him. For me. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on February 27, 2025, 05:19:42 PMLilis, you are a dog person. I love you just that massive bit more.

Yes, I am. Awe... With everything that's going on I'm not gonna lie, I needed it to hear that. I love you too! 🫂💓

QuoteBobby is utterly adorable. <3 Makes me want another dog.

He is, only if you lived nearby so you can experience it for yourself.

Thank You! 😊

QuoteDo me a favour, okay? Next chance you have... go give him a giant hug and tell him you love him. For me. :)

Done! 🐶💓

Quote from: Lilis on February 27, 2025, 11:32:07 PMYes, I am. Awe... With everything that's going on I'm not gonna lie, I needed it to hear that. I love you too! 🫂💓

What's going on, Lilis?

I have been somewhat selfish recently and lost sight of what matters. I am sorry. That nasty part of myself has been put back in the box, for now.

Listen, if you need someone to talk to... message me, okay?

You are beautiful, you matter, and you are loved.

Quote from: Sephirah on February 28, 2025, 04:38:49 PMWhat's going on, Lilis?

I have been somewhat selfish recently and lost sight of what matters. I am sorry. That nasty part of myself has been put back in the box, for now.

Listen, if you need someone to talk to... message me, okay?

You are beautiful, you matter, and you are loved.

Hey Sephirah, I really appreciate you asking. I've been going through a lot internally, navigating personal struggles alongside the current political climate. Everywhere I go, it seems to be the main topic of interest, and sometimes I just wish it weren't real, that I could wake up to the vibrant community we had before all of this started. I lost sight of what truly matters for a bit, but I'm working on grounding myself again.

Your kindness means so much to me.

Thank you! 💗

Quote from: Lilis on February 28, 2025, 09:16:01 PMHey Sephirah, I really appreciate you asking. I've been going through a lot internally, navigating personal struggles alongside the current political climate. Everywhere I go, it seems to be the main topic of interest, and sometimes I just wish it weren't real, that I could wake up to the vibrant community we had before all of this started. I lost sight of what truly matters for a bit, but I'm working on grounding myself again.

Your kindness means so much to me.

Thank you! 💗

I get that, honey. The world these days is utter madness. All we can do is hunker down and focus on the things that matter to us. Go give your best boy, Bobby, another super giant hug, okay? Dogs are like love unconditionally. They don't care. They just love you because they love you.

If you ever want to talk, sweetie, about anything, I am here. I know you have Lilis' best friend but... you know. *massive hugs*

You are a very special person.

Quote from: Sephirah on February 28, 2025, 09:27:52 PMGo give your best boy, Bobby, another super giant hug, okay?

That face is so precious!

Quote from: Lori Dee on February 28, 2025, 10:11:57 PMThat face is so precious!

Thank you, Lori. That was when he was about 4 months old. I wish sometimes he would go back to those years. 😂

Quote from: Lilis on February 28, 2025, 10:09:07 PM

(https://i.imgur.com/iwWjxOs.png?)

Hi @Sephirah

Super cute!


It can be fun throwing frisbees and having a dog bring it back.  Good in a wide open space.

Tennis balls can also be thrown.  When used with dogs, we know that frisbees and tennis balls may be very good investments because of their high rate of returns.  LOL


Chrissy

Quote from: Lilis on February 28, 2025, 10:09:07 PM

(https://i.imgur.com/iwWjxOs.png?8)

Hi @Sephirah

No, girl you can't do that. You can't put these pictures of the most adorable pupper out there. That isn't fair!!

...

Damn it, where's the Andrex Puppy when you need him? :'(

You are blessed, Lilis. Hold onto that little... well... bigger guy. Tell him you love him every day. Make him feel spoiled. I've had several dogs in my life. From pups, usually the runts of the litter, or rescue dogs. They are the love you need when you don't know you need it. They ask for nothing other than you to love them like they love you.

Go give Bobby an extra hug from me, just because. <3

Bobby looks so gentle and laid back.

I'll bet that he could look fierce if you needed him to, though.

Quote from: MaryT on March 01, 2025, 03:58:29 AMBobby looks so gentle and laid back.

I'll bet that he could look fierce if you needed him to, though.

Yeah, he's a big softie most of the time, but if the situation calls for it, he can switch to protector mode in an instant.

One time, my younger brother was play wrestling with a friend, and Bobby thought he was in trouble. He immediately got up, stood between them, and gave a low, warning growl, not aggressive, just making it clear he was watching and ready to step in if needed. 😂

(https://i.imgur.com/ypXX1e8.jpeg) (https://i.imgur.com/RQ6vRmp.png?1)

Today, I had my one hour electrolysis session. It felt like more of my face was covered this time, and now I'm tending to my wounds again. 🤕⚡

But overall, I'm handling it better the second time around.

Oh, and something unexpected happened, my electrologist came out to me today. She's queer, a lesbian, and shared that her heart is with the transgender community. She told me she understands what I'm going through, and we had a really meaningful conversation during the session. She also offered some comforting words, which meant a lot.

For privacy, I'll just call her Bri here.

Bri also surprised me with a gift! 🛍

During my first session, we talked about clothes and undergarments, and I had mentioned that I didn't own any pantyhose. Today, she gave me a giant bag full of them, literally hundreds. Some were worn once, but most are brand new and still in their packaging.

Electrolysis really feels like a trip to the doctor. I jokingly asked Bri if I could get a lollipop 🍭. She laughed and said, "Get the hell out of my treatment chair, I'll see you next Sunday at the same at 11 AM!"

I think this is the beginning of a really good friendship? ☺️

Quote from: Lilis on March 02, 2025, 09:13:37 PMToday, I had my one hour electrolysis session. It felt like more of my face was covered this time, and now I'm tending to my wounds again. 🤕⚡

But overall, I'm handling it better the second time around.

Oh, and something unexpected happened, my electrologist came out to me today. She's queer, a lesbian, and shared that her heart is with the transgender community. She told me she understands what I'm going through, and we had a really meaningful conversation during the session. She also offered some comforting words, which meant a lot.

For privacy, I'll just call her Bri here.

Bri also surprised me with a gift! 🛍

During my first session, we talked about clothes and undergarments, and I had mentioned that I didn't own any pantyhose. Today, she gave me a giant bag full of them, literally hundreds. Some were worn once, but most are brand new and still in their packaging.

Electrolysis really feels like a trip to the doctor. I jokingly asked Bri if I could get a lollipop 🍭. She laughed and said, "Get the hell out of my treatment chair, I'll see you next Sunday at the same at 11 AM!"

I think this is the beginning of a really good friendship? ☺️

Sounds promising.  A friendship with an "electrocutioner."  Could be a painful time together.  LOL

Seriously, seems promising. 

Enjoy trying out the hosiery.  I wonder how she acquired so many to share with you.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 02, 2025, 09:20:49 PMSounds promising.  A friendship with an "electrocutioner."  Could be a painful time together.  LOL

Hahaha, I see what you did there, nice. 😂

QuoteSeriously, seems promising.

I hope so, during these needing times, it's nice to meet and know that they are still good people in the world the care, understand us, and we matter to them. Thank you so much, Chrissy! 🫂💓

QuoteEnjoy trying out the hosiery.  I wonder how she acquired so many to share with you.

Shortly after I wrote my initial post, I headed into the shower with some nair shower cream, and got a smooth finished all the way down to my feet, smooth everywhere. I hope you get the mental picture.

Then after that I put on a brand new compression, high waisted underwear that I bought online.I then used one of the used hosiery to practice putting on. I didn't want to use a new one just in case I would rip it. Oh, my freaking gosh, what a feeling when I finally pull it over my thighs, hips, butt, and and up to my waist. I am still in everything, I am wearing this overnight in bed. 🥰

She said, she and her wife accumulated them over the years, and that they have so many more newer purchases that are piling up again. The one she gave me they were going to give it away to charity, and that didn't need them anymore.

Hello,

Attached are the updated medical and mental henth support letters stating "full body laser".

Please review and let me know if you have any questions, concerns or if more information is needed.

Thank you so much for your guidance.


~ Lilis

Full-body? Wowza! That is awesome.

I told my doctor I wanted everything gone below my eyelashes. It took a minute for that to sink in, then she just said, "OH!".  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 16, 2025, 09:43:13 PMFull-body? Wowza! That is awesome.

Hairless everywhere like a Sphynx cat.  :icon_mrhappy:

QuoteI told my doctor I wanted everything gone below my eyelashes. It took a minute for that to sink in, then she just said, "OH!".  ;D

Hahaha, now that's smooth everywhere. 😂

Hi Lori

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 16, 2025, 09:43:13 PMI told my doctor I wanted everything gone below my eyelashes. It took a minute for that to sink in, then she just said, "OH!".  ;D

Oh brother!!  I can't believe that you actually said that!! ;D  ::) So funny!!

Hugs
Sarah B

Sorry. I couldn't resist.


I'll delete this post if you like.

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 17, 2025, 10:25:02 PMI'll delete this post if you like.

Lol, nooooooooo, it's perfect! 😂🤣😅

Hi Lilis,

You have a new appointment scheduled with (Provider_MediSpa):

Appointment Time: March 26, 2025, 10:00 am (EDT)

Thank you for scheduling a:

New Client Laser: Full Body appointment at (Provider_MediSpa).

Please go to your patient portal and fill out the "New Client Paperwork" at the Questionnaires tab, if you have already completed the forms, you are all set!


*** Edited provider information for privacy.

More progress! Keep moving forward. So happy for you!

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
This is very exciting news that you reported regarding
your "full body" laser appointment.
       * Hopefully this does not include head hair and eyebrows.

Another big step in your journey.  I am wishing you success and happiness.

Please continue to post your updates as things continue to progress for you.

Many HUGS, ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Lilis on March 20, 2025, 09:44:40 PMHi Lilis,

You have a new appointment scheduled with (Provider_MediSpa):

Appointment Time: March 26, 2025, 10:00 am (EDT)

Thank you for scheduling a:

New Client Laser: Full Body appointment at (Provider_MediSpa).

Please go to your patient portal and fill out the "New Client Paperwork" at the Questionnaires tab, if you have already completed the forms, you are all set!


*** Edited provider information for privacy.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 20, 2025, 10:15:05 PM@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
This is very exciting news that you reported regarding
your "full body" laser appointment.
       * Hopefully this does not include head hair and eyebrows.

Hahaha, nooooooo... I'm taking Lori's advice... from the lashes down. 😅

QuoteAnother big step in your journey.  I am wishing you success and happiness.

Please continue to post your updates as things continue to progress for you.

Thank you so much, Danielle! 💗

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 20, 2025, 10:07:24 PMMore progress! Keep moving forward. So happy for you!

Thank You! 💗

Hi Lilis

What can I say Lori and Danielle have said it all for me and the recent posts have certainly made me laugh.

Ah, so you are about to face the laser, just like James Bond in Goldfinger!  Fortunately for you, this time the laser is aimed at unwanted hair rather than cutting you in half or, more importantly, threatening the proverbial jewels.  You will need them later.

No need for dramatic escape plans.  Just lay back and let the technology do its work.  But if at any point you feel like saying, "Do you expect me to talk?" remember your technician is not a megalomaniac villain.  They are just someone helping you achieve your dreams come true.

Hope it all goes well and that you emerge with your confidence improved immensely.

Again, may all your hearts desire come true, I know mine did.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis @Lori Dee @Northern Star Girl

For anyone not sure what Sarah is referring to...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzwPI1zJ9K0

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 16, 2025, 09:38:29 PM

QuoteI was talking about this with her not to long ago in our last session. I am considering to add progesterone soon. But, now what I've read here I'm thinking to probably wait a couple of years.

As Kelly said, everyone's body is going to be different.

What people forget, including medical providers, is that the ovaries produce both estrogen and progesterone cyclically every month. So, why wait? Why only take one dose at bedtime? Ovaries in cis women don't wait. They don't only secrete at night. It doesn't make sense.

Pt doing well on GAHT Therapy. Current dose is 🙈mg estrace and 🙈mg spiro. Pt opts to continue current prescribed dose and add on progesterone.
Discussed if labs warrant pt would like to increase estrace dose once more, for now stay on current dose.
Progesterone Counseling/Plan:  Discussed pros and cons of progesterone rx with pt, lack of evidence base, possible risks and side effects,
pt fully counseled/all questions answered,
pt opts to proceed with Rx.

Diagnoses and orders for this encounter
Gender dysphoria
 
Orders:
•  Testosterone, Total
•  Estradiol
•  Potassium
•  Creatinine, serum
•  Progesterone (Prometrium) 🙈MG capsule; Take (🙈mg total) by mouth every night.

I changed my mind.  ;D

I love it when doctors say "lack of evidence base" because they have not read any studies. They don't have time. Fortunately, I have lots of time.

The article on Wikipedia references several of these studies.

"Levels of progesterone with oral progesterone have been measured by the unreliable method of IA as remaining elevated for 12 to 24 hours.[1][41] Regardless of the assay method, peak levels of progesterone following a dose of oral progesterone occur after about 1 to 3 hours.[44] The elimination half-life of progesterone in circulation is very short at a range of about 3 to 90 minutes.[14]

Previous studies using IA have reported an overestimated elimination half-life of oral progesterone of about 16 to 18 hours.[41] Subsequent, reliable studies using high-performance liquid chromatography–tandem mass spectrometry (HPLC–MS/MS) and similar methods reported elimination half-lives of progesterone with oral progesterone of about 4.6 to 5.2 hours and 9.98 hours when it was taken with food.[7][8]

Due to the short half-life and duration of action of oral progesterone, it may be taken in divided doses two or three times per day.[41][62][63]"
~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_progesterone

And this is why I take it three times per day. It cannot have much effect if it is only in your system for a few hours at a time. I believe that this is one of the reasons that so many trans women are dissatisfied with their breast growth and go for BA surgery. Then the question becomes, how much money is wasted buying a drug that has no effect because it was not prescribed properly?

As always, YMMV because everyone's biochemistry is different. I hope you have wonderful results.

Progesterone research! 

Thank you.  Two years ago my doctor considered there wasn't enough research to support the efficacy of adding progesterone to HRT.  She considered research I sent every few months as I found more references to studies and other medical opinions.  She started me with Progesterone late last fall when I reported that I'd reached a plateau after 4 years HRT.  I can report positive results with the firmness and shape.  I read and forwarded this reference to her with a goal of spreading out the dosage through out the day.

Thanks!  We can't do this alone!

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 08:59:17 AMThe article on Wikipedia references several of these studies.

"Levels of progesterone with oral progesterone have been measured by the unreliable method of IA as remaining elevated for 12 to 24 hours.[1][41] Regardless of the assay method, peak levels of progesterone following a dose of oral progesterone occur after about 1 to 3 hours.[44] The elimination half-life of progesterone in circulation is very short at a range of about 3 to 90 minutes.[14]

Previous studies using IA have reported an overestimated elimination half-life of oral progesterone of about 16 to 18 hours.[41] Subsequent, reliable studies using high-performance liquid chromatography–tandem mass spectrometry (HPLC–MS/MS) and similar methods reported elimination half-lives of progesterone with oral progesterone of about 4.6 to 5.2 hours and 9.98 hours when it was taken with food.[7][8]

Due to the short half-life and duration of action of oral progesterone, it may be taken in divided doses two or three times per day.[41][62][63]"
~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_progesterone (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_progesterone)

I'm not sure what I'm reading here, but I'll do my best to understand it. Thanks!

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 08:59:17 AMAnd this is why I take it three times per day.

Hahaha, She kicked me out of her office, saying, 'See you in three months,' when I asked for this. I'll try again in June, probably use my one-year anniversary on June 10th as leverage.  ;D

Using the outdated survey method, they figured the half-life (how long until your system eliminates it as waste) was around 18 hours. So taking it once a day made sense. By taking it at night, you avoid the side effects of dizziness and drowsiness.

However, the newer assay method shows that it is only in your system 4.5 to 5 hours. So, if you take it before bed, as prescribed, by the time you wake up it is gone from your system and you need another dose.

I have been taking it for years with no discernable difference. When I started taking it three times a day, my breasts became more rounded and shapely. Not noticeably larger, just better shape. Then today, when I returned from grocery shopping, I noticed my bra was fitting a bit tighter than usual. Yay!

It isn't just about breast development, although that is progesterone's primary function for those without a uterus. There are other benefits as well. If you need something a bit more credible than Wikipedia articles, here is one from the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism from April 2019. This just states why you need it. The studies referenced in the Wikipedia article explain why you need it more than once per day.

https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 02:51:27 PMUsing the outdated survey method, they figured the half-life (how long until your system eliminates it as waste) was around 18 hours. So taking it once a day made sense. By taking it at night, you avoid the side effects of dizziness and drowsiness.

However, the newer assay method shows that it is only in your system 4.5 to 5 hours. So, if you take it before bed, as prescribed, by the time you wake up it is gone from your system and you need another dose.

Got it!

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 02:51:27 PMThen today, when I returned from grocery shopping, I noticed my bra was fitting a bit tighter than usual. Yay!

Hahaha, nice!

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 02:51:27 PMIt isn't just about breast development, although that is progesterone's primary function for those without a uterus. There are other benefits as well. If you need something a bit more credible than Wikipedia articles, here is one from the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism from April 2019. This just states why you need it. The studies referenced in the Wikipedia article explain why you need it more than once per day.

https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376 (https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376)

Thank You! 💗

Quote from: Sephirah on March 22, 2025, 07:06:37 PMFor anyone not sure what Sarah is referring to...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzwPI1zJ9K0

No Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die!

Quote from: Lilis on March 20, 2025, 09:44:40 PMHi Lilis,

Appointment Time: March 26, 2025, 10:00 am (EDT)
New Client Laser: Full Body appointment at (Provider_MediSpa).

I feel like I got slow roasted under the zap of the laser just like Lori said, from my lashes down to the bottom of my feet. It was a steady, even roast. Some zaps were like little flicks of heat, while others felt like an unexpected pop of spice.

Genitals? Let's just say that was the deep fryer moment, the kind where you get a little too close and feel that intense sizzle. Spicy.  :icon_mrgreen: 🔥

But you know what? Totally worth it. The technician was late, but super sweet (and five months pregnant, so I totally get it). She explained everything so well, and honestly? It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!

Now, I just sit back and wait for these little hairs to crisp up and fall away. In a few weeks, they'll start shedding, and I'll be one step closer to feeling more at home in my body.

Next session is already booked, and this oven is staying on!🔥🔥🔥

I am glad that it went well. I had laser done on my face and the upper lip was  :icon_yikes: so I can only imagine what more sensitive areas were like.

I am still hoping to get electrolysis started after I move this summer. I might invest in a few cases of numbing cream.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 27, 2025, 09:18:01 AMI am glad that it went well. I had laser done on my face and the upper lip was  :icon_yikes: so I can only imagine what more sensitive areas were like.

I was lying there with my legs crossed at the ankles, pecker neatly tucked between my thighs, wearing nothing but some hilarious laser-protection glasses she provided for my eyes. When she finished with my face, neck, breasts, arms, underarms, belly, abdomen, thighs, legs, and bikini area, she said, 'Now I need to get between your legs, so spread them.' 😯

I hesitated and asked, 'Wait a minute, can you do it without looking?' She replied, 'How's that even possible?' And I thought, 'Good point.' So, I opened my legs a little more and said, 'Wider.' She kept saying, 'Wider,' until I was practically in a position ready for something... well, let's say, penetrating. Then she said, 'All right, I'm going in.' 🤯

I nervously replied, 'Please go slow, I don't have the right genitals yet!' She laughed and reassured me, 'Don't worry, I'll go nice and slow.' 😂

Then it got even better. She asked, 'Do you mind if I move things around a bit to make sure the laser gets around it really well?' And after she was done, she said,

'Now turn around and spread them.' 🤕

Honestly, I think she was a pregnant dominatrix in disguise! ;D

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
I loved the question that you asked your Laser gal... and her reply to you.

"I hesitated and asked, 'Wait a minute, can you do it without looking?' She replied, 'How's that even possible?' And I thought, 'Good point.' So, I opened my legs a little more and said, 'Wider.' She kept saying, 'Wider,' until I was practically in a position ready for something... well, let's say, penetrating. Then she said, 'All right, I'm going in.' 🤯"

Made me chuckle....  !

Feels good, does it not?  Clean and smooth like a new born baby.
NO hair below your eyebrows!!!!!

Thank you for sharing... please keep your updates coming!!
HUGS, Danielle[Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 27, 2025, 11:44:57 AMMade me chuckle....  ! !

Hahaha, i'm glad you had a laugh. 💗

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 27, 2025, 11:44:57 AMFeels good, does it not?  Clean and smooth like a new born baby.
NO hair below your eyebrows!!!!!

Yes! I get another 5 sessions, praying that it works to avoid electrolysis in those areas.

AS long as they are dark they will fry, all the dark ones have gone from my face. Trouble is the grey/white ones out numbered them-----------

I think in any profession involving genitals, one must have a sense of humor to help the patient/client overcome any anxiety. Now that you know what to expect, and how she will react, future sessions could become fun-ish with more chatting and less tension. 

That gave me a chuckle too. ;D

Quote from: davina61 on March 27, 2025, 12:53:57 PMAS long as they are dark they will fry, all the dark ones have gone from my face. Trouble is the grey/white ones out numbered them

There are some white ones in the bush. If they don't fall off, I think I'll just leave them and deal with them using Nair or something else. I'm not sure about electrolysis down there.  ;D

It's been 4 days since my first "full body hair removal" laser treatment. Most of my skin so far feels "stubbly" or rough. I guess this is because the treated hairs are beginning to push out, right? 🤢

This what the Laser treatment provider said:

"Yes, exactly! That stubbly or rough feeling is totally normal and happens because the treated hairs are starting to shed. They're not actually growing back, your body is just pushing them out as the follicles release them. This process typically starts around 4-7 days after treatment and can last up to 2-3 weeks.

1. exfoliate (2-3 times per week) with a soft washcloth, loofah, or mild scrub to help loosen the hairs.
2. Moisturize daily to keep your skin soft and hydrated.
3. Avoid plucking, waxing, or tweezing, let the hairs fall out naturally.
4. Shaving is okay if you want to manage the stubbly feel, but don't overdo it.

This stage means the treatment is working, and with each session, you'll notice less and less regrowth."

Then I ask them:

Will my skin feel completely smooth, like velvet or satin, and when will it happen?

They said:

It's a gradual process, but each session brings you closer to that silky, hair free feel.

Keep going you're on your way to silky smooth skin! 🥰



~ Lilis

Quote from: Lilis on March 30, 2025, 04:46:20 PMIt's been 4 days since my first "full body hair removal" laser treatment. Most of my skin so far feels "stubbly" or rough. I guess this is because the treated hairs are beginning to push out, right? 🤢

This what the Laser treatment provider said:

"Yes, exactly! That stubbly or rough feeling is totally normal and happens because the treated hairs are starting to shed. They're not actually growing back, your body is just pushing them out as the follicles release them. This process typically starts around 4-7 days after treatment and can last up to 2-3 weeks.

1. exfoliate (2-3 times per week) with a soft washcloth, loofah, or mild scrub to help loosen the hairs.
2. Moisturize daily to keep your skin soft and hydrated.
3. Avoid plucking, waxing, or tweezing, let the hairs fall out naturally.
4. Shaving is okay if you want to manage the stubbly feel, but don't overdo it.

This stage means the treatment is working, and with each session, you'll notice less and less regrowth."

Then I ask them:

Will my skin feel completely smooth, like velvet or satin, and when will it happen?

They said:

It's a gradual process, but each session brings you closer to that silky, hair free feel.

Keep going you're on your way to silky smooth skin! 🥰



~ Lilis

Do the hairs need to be dark to effectively zap them forever with the laser device?

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 30, 2025, 04:52:41 PMDo the hairs need to be dark to effectively zap them forever with the laser device?

Yes, and any remaining hair that doesn't shed after laser treatment will be removed with electrolysis.

So, my doctor sent me a surprise email, and this is what she wrote:

"I can already picture you printing this out, binding it in a leather cover, and placing it on your coffee table like a sacred text. Or perhaps you'll frame it and hang it above your bed for daily inspiration? The possibilities are endless!

All jokes aside, I hope this list helps you as you continue on your journey.

Print it, enjoy it, and remember this is just one step toward the future you are creating."

Now she knows how I feel about surgery, but I printed the documents anyway. When the printer finished, there were 15 pages of trusted referrals for New York State and Pennsylvania Surgeons!

Why not?

Looks like I've got some homework to do! 🤕

Best homework ever!... Enjoy! 🤗

Hugs!

A 💕

Thanks, Lilis: I am vicariously enjoying your journey and the humor with which you approach it. I decided to wait at least six months before taking any major next steps (social transitioning seems quite enough for now). But, should I choose to proceed, your blog definitely informs my decision.

Quote from: tgirlamg on April 02, 2025, 09:16:58 AMBest homework ever!... Enjoy! 🤗

Thank you, Ashley! 💗

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 02, 2025, 11:03:49 AMI am vicariously enjoying your journey and the humor with which you approach it.

Thank you for taking the time to read and stop by, Mrs. Oliphant. That means a lot.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 02, 2025, 11:03:49 AMI decided to wait at least six months before taking any major next steps (social transitioning seems quite enough for now).

That sounds like a thoughtful and measured approach. Giving yourself time to adjust and move at your own pace is important. Social transitioning alone is a huge, big step, allow yourself space to process everything without pressure is a wise choice.

Wishing you clarity and confidence as you move forward on your own terms. 🫂💗

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 02, 2025, 11:03:49 AMBut, should I choose to proceed, your blog definitely informs my decision.

I'm grateful that sharing my story can be meaningful to someone else, it means a lot as well, thank you!


~ Lilis

You do not get this with the UK.

I am massively happy for you. New York is the island of sanity amid a world of utter madness. It has always been a place that has been open and welcoming to everyone. I see that with everyone who lives there. I maintain it's because it isn't in the south, where sun overcharges deep facial hair and there's a lot of brain-boiling going on. When people get off on folks driving round in a circle and only attend events to see them crash into a wall... there's something wrong somewhere. Even if they do have the best meat preparation practices in the world. :P

Can I ask for more doggo pics, Lilis? I am a giant, unashamed pupper girl. And go ga-ga over your Rottie.

I didn't understand a word you said, Sephirah, but I loved it.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 03, 2025, 07:03:42 PMI didn't understand a word you said, Sephirah, but I loved it.

Hahaha, welcome to the club, honey. That's how most people feel. <3 I am the crazy dog lady ;D

You are really kind of cool, honey. I've been looking through stuff and... thank you for being here. <3

Now should I be worried that I understood it?

Hi Lilis!

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 04, 2025, 02:54:15 PMHi Lilis!

Chrissy

Hi Chrissy!

It's always good to hear from you, thank you for the kind hello!

Warm hugs,

~ Lilis 💗

Hi Lilis--I'm desperately seeking someone with a sense of fashion. My daughter has agreed (after much coaxing) to help me pick out a dress online for my profile picture. I'm thinking a summer dress. Long, simple, elegant. What color/pattern would you suggest? I know, it seems silly in so many ways. But my daughter agreed to go shopping for a dress with me. To me, this is so huge.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 04, 2025, 07:35:08 PMHi Lilis--I'm desperately seeking someone with a sense of fashion.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 04, 2025, 07:35:08 PMWhat color/pattern would you suggest?

Hey Mrs. Oliphant,

Thank you so much for thinking of me! To be honest, I'm still discovering my own sense of fashion, so I don't quite feel confident offering suggestions, especially when it comes to colors or patterns. I'm still learning what feels right for me, one day at a time.

I think it's wonderful that your daughter is helping you pick out a dress. That kind of shared moment is something special, and not everyone gets to experience it. I hope you both enjoy every bit of the dress hunting adventure together; it sounds so meaningful.

Warmly,

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 04, 2025, 07:35:08 PMI'm desperately seeking someone with a sense of fashion.

That rules me out. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal.

Why not let your daughter choose something? She sees you in person and it would give you two more interactions. Trust her instincts. If it was me, after we discussed what I like and what she likes, I would go with whatever she decided. I might act like I am really not sure, but then say something like, "OK, I trust you." I think it would make her proud to know that she picked that one and that is the one you wear for your picture. Seriously, how awful can it be? It is just a dress.  :)

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 04, 2025, 09:29:57 PMWhy not let your daughter choose something?

I will, Lori. I was just blown away by her decision to assist me in picking out a dress. 'Ambivalent' doesn't begin to describe her attitude towards the changes I've undergone. It was such a big thing I went on a 'sharing' spree. Next time, I will try to be more circumspect. But today was huge. Thanks.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 04, 2025, 09:41:57 PMBut today was huge.

Make sure she knows it. Her ambivalence might change if she sees how important all of this is to you.
 

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 04, 2025, 09:49:47 PMMake sure she knows it. Her ambivalence might change if she sees how important all of this is to you.
 

This.

So, the recommended one-week gap to let my skin heal between laser and electrolysis sessions finally ended, and goodness, that break felt like an eternity!

Yesterday, I went in for another facial hair removal session by electrolysis.

About 30 minutes in, I noticed my electrologist, Bri, wasn't her usual chatty self.

So I asked, "Bri, what's wrong? I know 8 a.m. on a Saturday is a rough start. Do you need a break for another cup of coffee?"

She replied, "No, I'm doing just fine, but something weird is going on. Every time I insert the probe to zap a dark hair, it just falls out.

Did you have laser treatment done or something?"

Yikes! I hadn't mentioned it to her, but hey, at least now I know something is working!

So I explained what took place a week earlier.

She laughed and said, "Next time, give me a heads-up. Now I need a break, and a whole gallon of coffee!"

So, that's what we did for the next 30 minutes. ☕



~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 06, 2025, 03:07:11 PMSo, that's what we did for the next 30 minutes. ☕

Hi Lilis-- All in all, it sounds as though you had pleasant Saturday morning and an adequate quantity of coffee. I hate to sound like I don't much, but that's because I don't know much: are these treatments temporary or permanent? Fortunately, I'm at an age where I have very little hair left to zap. But I do get so tired of shaving three times a day. It's not as though I get a 5 o'clock shadow, but I can no longer tolerate the feeling of bristle.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 06, 2025, 04:50:04 PMHi Lilis-- All in all, it sounds as though you had pleasant Saturday morning and an adequate quantity of coffee.

We had a great conversation. My electrologist is in her early thirties, so it's really nice to connect and chat with someone that young in the LGBTQ+ community.

It's refreshing to get insight from her perspective.

QuoteI hate to sound like I don't much, but that's because I don't know much: are these treatments temporary or permanent?

These are permanent.


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 10, 2025, 06:29:36 PMMan! I Feel Like A Woman

Girl, you had that vibe ever since the first day I met you. :)

(https://awarenessact.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Lilith.jpg)

Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2025, 06:51:03 PMGirl, you had that vibe ever since the first day I met you. :)

Aww, Sephirah, you're making me blush! 😊

Thank You! 💗

Honey I'm serious. When you've been haunting this place as long as I have, you get a feel for people. Genuine people and... not so genuine people. You are as genuine as they come. It isn't so much what you say or don't say. How you look... it's just... it's something you can't put your finger on.

I equate people to water. It's my element and it helps me make sense of different people. You are a lifegiving, gentle stream. You don't rage and churn, you just go with the flow, accept who you are, and give life to the world around you.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2025, 07:02:18 PMHoney I'm serious. When you've been haunting this place as long as I have, you get a feel for people. Genuine people and... not so genuine people. You are as genuine as they come. It isn't so much what you say or don't say. How you look... it's just... it's something you can't put your finger on.

I equate people to water. It's my element and it helps me make sense of different people. You are a lifegiving, gentle stream. You don't rage and churn, you just go with the flow, accept who you are, and give life to the world around you.

You're making me feel all kinds of ways! 🥺💖

You have such a poetic way with words, and I can't help but smile every time I read your messages.

Thanks for making me feel so seen and special. 😊💗

You are special, Lilis. Don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise, okay? You have a gift to the world. You make people feel at their ease. You are the cosmic hug everyone needs. I love and am proud of you for being yourself. And for giving support to people here. Never, ever change. Unless it's to get rid of the hair lol. But you know what I mean.

The best support is that you never saw coming...

Go give a giant hug to your doggo, from me, okay? And one for you.. *massive cyberhugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2025, 07:17:03 PMYou are special, Lilis. Don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise, okay? You have a gift to the world. You make people feel at their ease. You are the cosmic hug everyone needs. I love and am proud of you for being yourself. And for giving support to people here. Never, ever change. Unless it's to get rid of the hair lol. But you know what I mean.

The best support is that you never saw coming...

Go give a giant hug to your doggo, from me, okay? And one for you.. *massive cyberhugs*

Mwah! 💋💖

As much as I love you, chica, would it be too much to ask for more Bobbie pics? Maybe with both of you? That would probably melt my heart, not gonna lie. Bobbie is like.... adorable. Would be epic to see a pic with him and his mommy. :)

I have no idea who Bobbie is, but she/he/they are so blessed if they're in your world, Lillis. As I am. Actually, I think you have amazing hair.

Bobbie is her rotweiler dog. She uses a Y (Bobby) but I'm kind of weird and use the more feminine "ie" He probably doesn't appreciate it lol.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 10, 2025, 07:46:29 PMI have no idea who Bobbie is, but she/he/they are so blessed if they're in your world, Lillis. As I am. Actually, I think you have amazing hair.

Lol, Bobby is my dog.
Bobby (https://www.susans.org/index.php?msg=2294534) 👈 click there

Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2025, 07:28:11 PMAs much as I love you, chica, would it be too much to ask for more Bobbie pics? Maybe with both of you?

Hmm, I'm not ready to share photos of myself just yet.

Totally get that, Lilith <3. As long as I get first dibs, okay? <3

That kind of goes for Annika, too. <3

Quote from: Lilis on April 10, 2025, 09:00:48 PMHmm, I'm not ready to share photos of myself just yet.

That's understandable. It's ok because your avatar is hot!  ;D

Cool! Bobby(ie) looks just like me. It's a sign, Lilis. Trust me. I have a Heinz 57 (husky and some sneaky little guy) and a Labrador. Which is weird, since I'm a cat-lady. Thanks. I always thought you were the woman in your avatar. Actually, I'm relieved. She can't be nearly as beautiful as you are.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 10, 2025, 09:10:27 PMCool! Bobby(ie) looks just like me. It's a sign, Lilis. Trust me. I have a Heinz 57 (husky and some sneaky little guy) and a Labrador. Which is weird, since I'm a cat-lady. Thanks. I always thought you were the woman in your avatar. Actually, I'm relieved. She can't be nearly as beautiful as you are.

Nuh-uh, Annika, I think you are beautiful. Prove me wrong. :P

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 10, 2025, 09:07:01 PMThat's understandable. It's ok because your avatar is hot!  ;D

Haha, thank you! I've got a lot of work to do to get there... mission: 2040!  ;D

Gonna venture your avatar doesn't do you justice, Lilis. Like when Lori had that miner chick. She is a hundred times more beautiful in person and I'll venture you are, too. :) Avatars should be for Frankenstein's monsters like me, lol. If you've got it, flaunt it. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on April 11, 2025, 01:13:18 AM:) Avatars should be for Frankenstein's monsters like me, lol.

Hahaha, classic cover-up line from beautiful women! I've never understood why the most stunning girls and women often feel that way about themselves. I'd bet anything that Lauren is no Frankenstein's monster.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 11, 2025, 01:13:18 AMGonna venture your avatar doesn't do you justice, Lilis. Like when Lori had that miner chick. She is a hundred times more beautiful in person and I'll venture you are, too. :).... If you've got it, flaunt it. <3

The truth is, I don't quite have it.

I'm very much a work in progress.

My LGBTQ+ counselor let's just call him 'J'; jokingly says I'm only a 10-month-old girl at this point. He reminded me that it usually takes girls 18 years to grow into beautiful women... so yikes, I've got about 17 years to go!

But hey, I can always share a few 'pre-construction planning documents' so you don't have to wait that long for a sneak peek of the work in progress.

Here are some AIs generate photos.

Right now, I'm in the process of finding a surgeon for facial feminization surgery (FFS).

It'll be something along the lines of the look in these photo:



I am leaning more towards the third image. 🤞



~ Lilis 💗

The third pic has a Carrie-Anne Moss vibe going on. I can totally see you as Trinity. ;D

Quote from: Lilis on April 11, 2025, 06:25:53 AMI'm very much a work in progress.

So am I, Lilis. But no matter how much work or fast the progress, I will never look anything like any of those three images. Actually, I am getting the Mrs. Doubtfire vibe down. So, I'm happy. Okay, truth be told, I'm willing to settle. For now.

#3 is the winner! Definite Trinity Vibe! 💕😀👍

Quote from: Sephirah on April 11, 2025, 08:59:08 AMThe third pic has a Carrie-Anne Moss vibe going on. I can totally see you as Trinity. ;D

Quote from: tgirlamg on April 11, 2025, 12:29:04 PM#3 is the winner! Definite Trinity Vibe! 💕😀👍

Thank you, Lauren and Ashley, for the amazing compliment...

The Matrix it is!

Now I have to find the right surgeon to help make this vision a reality.


Keep me in your prayers! 🙏


~ Lilis 💗

Such an exciting journey! I agree with #3 too. Plus, I am a big Matrix fan.  ;D 

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 11, 2025, 04:56:18 PMSuch an exciting journey! I agree with #3 too. Plus, I am a big Matrix fan.  ;D 

Thanks, Lori. 💗

Alright, no more future talk for now. I've still got to finish my hair removal treatments first!

Back to reality!  ;D

They are all so elegant, Lilis. Full of grace and beauty. I was leaning towards number 2, but I learned long ago to never question the judgment Lori, Ash, or Lauren. BTW, this isn't future talk--it's who you already are and have always been.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 11, 2025, 05:16:24 PMBTW, this isn't future talk--it's who you already are and have always been.

It was fun tapping into the future for a moment, but this journey isn't linear. There will be unforeseen obstacles along the way that I'll need to face and overcome.

As much as I enjoyed it, it's time to refocus and ground myself in where I am right now in my transition.

Thanks for joining me on that little detour, Annika.


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on April 11, 2025, 05:37:35 PMThanks for joining me on that little detour, Annika.

The pleasure was mine, Lilis. So, what step is next on your way to door #3? 

OK, I'm really late to this party, but for what it is worth, I absolutely agree that #3 is a winner, Lilis!

Your therapist is right, regardless of our age, when we transition, we go through the pre-puberty/puberty stages. I like the fact that at one stage, we become teenage girls with credit cards.  The cosmetic counters love us!

Quote from: Lilis on April 11, 2025, 05:37:35 PMThanks for joining me on that little detour, Annika.

Speaking of non sequiturs, and assuming Taylor Swift wasn't performing at Carnegie Hall, what is your favorite composition and who is your favorite composer? My favorites are Fur Elise (though Beethoven is nowhere near the top of my list of composers) and Fanny Mendelssohn (especially Hiob Cantata). As far as classical performers go, Maria Duenas (but that's mostly because she is your avatar's doppelganger). I miss my ears, Lilis. Sometimes, I would rather be blind that tone deaf.

Sorry for poking my nose in. I'm not really a classical girl, but my favourite composer is probably Carl Orff, simply for this. Gives me goosebumps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qATbf5-D8bU

Quote from: Sephirah on April 12, 2025, 04:40:37 PMSorry for poking my nose in. I'm not really a classical girl, but my favourite composer is probably Carl Orff, simply for this. Gives me goosebumps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qATbf5-D8bU

I always loved the way they used Carl Orff's "Gassenhauer" (Street Song) as the opening for the Terrence Malick film Badlands...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QE6dWdQfFvM

What a great movie as are most of Malik's films although I am still trying to figure out the ending or Tree Of Life 🤔?

Onward!

Ashley 💕

I feel like I really need to watch more movies, lol. Ashley, lady of culture. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on April 12, 2025, 05:32:58 PMAshley, lady of culture.

Quote from: tgirlamg on April 12, 2025, 05:14:06 PMAshley 💕

Amazing! I can quote two people at the same time. Eat your heart out, Fox News. Bad news for Fanny, though. Carl just replaced her at the top of my list.

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 12, 2025, 08:21:36 AMOK, I'm really late to this party, but for what it is worth, I absolutely agree that #3 is a winner, Lilis!

Thanks Emma!

And, by the way, your profile picture looks great, you look radiant. 💗

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 12, 2025, 08:21:36 AMI like the fact that at one stage, we become teenage girls with credit cards.  The cosmetic counters love us!

Hahaha, hopefully one day that'll be me too!  ;D

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 12, 2025, 02:41:14 PMwhat is your favorite composition and who is your favorite composer? My favorites are Fur Elise (though Beethoven is nowhere near the top of my list of composers) and Fanny Mendelssohn (especially Hiob Cantata). As far as classical performers go, Maria Duenas (but that's mostly because she is your avatar's doppelganger).

That's so beautifully said, Annika. I actually went to Carnegie Hall because a friend invited me, I wish I could say I knew anything about classical music, but it's all still new to me. I'm more of a curious guest in that world than a true listener... for now.  ;D

Quote from: Lilis on April 12, 2025, 08:18:33 PMI'm more of a curious guest in that world than a true listener

I'm not an afficionado, Lilis, and was raised on a diet of old country and old rock. But I ventured into the world of classical music about a decade ago and was blown away. Because of my severe hearing loss, I need to turn up the volume so loud it might as well be rock and roll. The songs just tend to last a bit longer.

Quote from: Lilis on April 12, 2025, 08:18:33 PMI actually went to Carnegie Hall because a friend invited me, I wish I could say I knew anything about classical music, but it's all still new to me.

Good morning, Lilis--Decided to take a trip through Lilis Unveiled for the third time. It's a beautiful journey and I am surprised how much more I discover that I didn't know enough to see on previous journeys. Your passages on spirituality affect me deeply and I share your understanding of the Divine while embracing the value of all perspectives. Accepting of course the 'seeker' is sincerely searching for the Good, the True, and the Beautiful and not attempting to define those terms for the rest of us. Please reveal more about your spiritual journey. Following your path is part of mine.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 17, 2025, 08:43:10 AMYour passages on spirituality affect me deeply and I share your understanding of the Divine while embracing the value of all perspectives.

Hey Annika,

Thank you so much for this beautiful message.

Your words touched me deeply. To know that my journey resonated with you enough to revisit it more than once is humbling.

I often feel like I'm simply fumbling my way through mystery, grace, and growth, trying to honor the Divine as I understand it.

I'll gladly share more of my spiritual path as it continues to unfold toward its own destiny.

It's not a straight road, but it's one I walk with reverence, with questions in hand and love in my heart.

Thank you again for honoring my story and for the gift of your presence.


With warmth,

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 17, 2025, 08:49:19 PMThank you again for honoring my story and for the gift of your presence.

Your image of unveiling your face in order for God to see you (Corinthians?) was haunting. Reminded me of C.S. Lewis 'Til We have Faces.' Beholding the Divine may not be possible. But being beheld is more than adequate. Your unveiled face is beautiful, Lilis. As for me, I'm still trying to remove the masks I hide behind. But the world sees us more clearly now. We look much like ourselves. Or soon will. I am blessed you shared your face with me. 

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 17, 2025, 09:16:53 PMYour image of unveiling your face in order for God to see you (Corinthians?) was haunting. Reminded me of C.S. Lewis 'Til We have Faces.'

Yes! 2 Corinthians 3:18 was precisely what I had in mind. That moment of unveiling isn't just about God seeing me; it's about finally seeing myself.

QuoteYour unveiled face is beautiful, Lilis.

Thank You! 💗

I do look and feel more like myself now, And soon, soon enough, I'll see my reflections, shadows, and recognize them as truth, not longing.

QuoteAs for me, I'm still trying to remove the masks I hide behind.

For me, the unmasking began when I allowed myself to be honest, open, willing, and vulnerable with my gender therapist.

Many of us begin our journey in that space, and it's where real transformation often starts. Don't forget to lean into that support, your gender therapist can be a vital guide as you continue uncovering your true self.

QuoteI am blessed you shared your face with me.

If I were a deity, I might accept your praises, but I'm not.

Still, thank you sincerely for your kind attention.

That said, no more praises, please.

You have your own journey to focus on now.

Wishing you all the best as you walk your path.


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on April 18, 2025, 04:38:59 PMIf I were a deity, I might accept your praises, but I'm not.

Too funny! I must confess, that particular line stuck in my craw but, by then, I had already hit the 'post' button. Someday, I hope an 'unpost' button is added to Susan's. What I meant to say... well, never mind. When you're in a hole, the best thing to do...

When the Ground Shifted Beneath Me

When I began my transition, I expected the challenges that come with personal transformation: understanding my identity, navigating health care, and adjusting to a new social landscape. What I didn't expect was how global politics would crash into that journey like a wave, especially after the defeat of the Democratic Party in the 2024 U.S. elections.

Since the defeat of the Democratic Party in the 2024 U.S. elections, life as a transgender woman has changed rapidly and harshly. I've seen rights that once felt secure begin to erode, even in states considered "safe."

As a transgender woman living in the United States, I've felt a seismic shift since that election. Laws and protections that once offered at least a measure of safety and dignity are being rapidly rolled back. In some states, gender-affirming care has vanished. Teachers are threatened with punishment for acknowledging trans students. Some of us have even begun to consider the need for internal asylum, relocating to "blue" states like California and New York, which are now among the few places offering relative refuge.

But even there, the federal government casts a long shadow. State protections can be overridden or ignored when federal agencies adopt policies hostile to trans people.

We live with a growing fear: that no state may ultimately be safe if the federal agenda continues in this direction.

And it's not just happening in the United States.

I was surprised to learn that similar tensions are playing out in other countries, though not always in the same political frame. Take the United Kingdom, for example. There, a powerful and highly visible gender-critical movement insists that legal recognition of trans people threatens the rights of cisgender women. Unlike in the U.S., this movement isn't confined to the political right; many of its most vocal supporters identify as progressive or feminist.

In the UK, the term "gender-critical" is often used to describe a viewpoint that asserts "biological sex" should be the primary or sole determinant in law and policy. This movement has gained mainstream media traction, and it has influenced court decisions and legislative proposals. Even existing laws, like the Gender Recognition Act 2004, are being reinterpreted in ways that cast doubt on the legal status of transgender women like me.

Contrast that with the U.S., where the most aggressive attacks on trans rights come from far-right religious and political groups. Their tactics are more overtly hostile centered on demonizing trans people, particularly trans youth, and erasing our existence through law.

Both countries, and others like Germany, Australia, and some Nordic nations, are wrestling with these issues, but with different cultural and political scripts. What they have in common, however, is an increasing resistance to the very idea that trans people deserve to live openly and safely.

This is not just a local or national struggle. It's a global one. And the ground is shifting fast.

As someone just trying to live truthfully and with integrity, I didn't think I'd need to understand geopolitics or legal battles across oceans.

But here I am, learning that the personal really is political, and that our identities are being legislated, debated, and too often invalidated not just where we live, but everywhere.

What Is the UK's Gender-Critical Movement?

In the UK, "gender-critical" is a label embraced by individuals who argue that legal and social recognition of transgender identities should never override so-called "biological sex." They often position themselves as defenders of women's rights, especially in spaces like bathrooms, prisons, and sports.

This movement has gained surprising legitimacy, supported by celebrities like J.K. Rowling and even some left-leaning feminists. Unlike in the U.S., where anti-trans rhetoric is mostly rooted in far-right politics, the UK's gender-critical voice is more mainstream and sometimes crosses traditional political lines.

This makes it even harder to challenge, and more dangerous in its normalization.

As someone who identifies as a trans woman, it's jarring to see how these ideologies play out not just in law, but in everyday attitudes, even from those who claim to be progressive.

What's Happening in the U.S.?

Here in America, the backlash looks different, but it's no less intense. Since the Republican victory in 2024, we've witnessed a cascade of state-level legislation targeting trans people. Gender-affirming care has been restricted or outright banned in many areas, IDs are being flagged, and even our historical contributions are being erased from public records.

The movement here isn't just about discomfort with gender diversity, it's part of a larger culture war, often fueled by religious conservatism, misinformation, and fear. The political divide is stark. While the Democratic Party generally supports trans rights, Republican lawmakers are introducing wave after wave of anti-trans bills.

And yet, despite the different tone, both the UK and U.S. are making it harder, and scarier, for people like me to live openly and safely.

What About Other Countries?

The UK and U.S. aren't alone in this struggle.

Around the world:

Canada remains relatively progressive, though there are pockets of resistance.

Germany has passed new gender self-ID laws but still faces conservative backlash.

Nordic countries, once considered models of inclusion, are now reassessing access to trans healthcare for youth.

Australia and New Zealand experience similar debates, though generally with less intensity.

The struggle is global, and it's deeply personal.

Why This Matters

When people debate our right to exist, it's not just political, it's existential. I've faced the internal struggles of self-discovery, the bravery of coming out, the emotional labor of building a new life in my truth. But these movements, gender-critical in the UK, anti-trans in the U.S., try to rewrite the narrative. They attempt to cast our identities as threats, our presence as a problem.

The truth is, I'm not a threat. I'm a human being doing her best to heal, grow, and contribute to a better world.

And I'm not alone.

We are witnessing a global backlash, but also a global awakening.

And in that awakening, there is hope. People are resisting, building community, and telling the truth about our lives.

Final Thoughts

The more I learn, the more I realize that our fight is interconnected across borders. Whether you're in London, New York, Berlin, or anywhere else, trans people deserve dignity, safety, and recognition.

If you're trans, questioning, or an ally: you're not imagining the tension. You're not being "too sensitive." You're living in a world where our identities are being politicized and challenged in ways that demand both awareness and solidarity.

And yet we continue. We breathe, we hope, we transition, we speak, and we love.

Because our truth is not a debate.

About the Author

By Lilis 💗 (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=69247)

Lilis is a trans woman, self-diagnosed intersex, and bisexual New Yorker who embraces her identity as both transgender and genderfluid. She is five years sober and lives her life rooted in spiritual faith, seeking to align with God's love through Christ. Lilis is passionate about healing personally and collectively, and feels called to help those navigating gender identity, addiction, mental health.

I've been feeling kind of blah these past couple of days, just off.

A bit more crying spells than usual.

There's been some noticeable breast tenderness too, especially in the mornings when I first wake up and sit at the edge of my bed, trying to catch up with consciousness.

Sleep has been strange. It's felt more like a series of power naps throughout the day rather than any solid rest, usually around the times I take my estrogen doses.

I even being checking  for spotting in my panties between trips to the bathroom, but not a jot of blood.

So I guess it's not that. ☺️

Still, my body feels like it's moving through something, and I'm just trying to listen.

~ Lilis 💗

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
Now you have me worried for you.

Have your HRT dosages and meds been changed in the last few months?
When is the last time you had blood work done and reviewed by your doctor?

If this continues it might be a good plan to contact and/or make an appointment with your doctor.
Stay healthy and continue to stay on top of your health and feelings...
  ... and try to get some solid non-stop good night's sleep.

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 23, 2025, 01:33:29 AM@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
Now you have me worried for you.

Have your HRT dosages and meds been changed in the last few months?
When is the last time you had blood work done and reviewed by your doctor?

Yes, I added progesterone exactly 30 days ago.

I had blood work and saw the doctor about 2 months ago, and my next session is in June.

QuoteIf this continues it might be a good plan to contact and/or make an appointment with your doctor.
Stay healthy and continue to stay on top of your health and feelings...
  ... and try to get some solid non-stop good night's sleep.

I think it's the addition of the progesterone, but I will follow up with the doctor and keep track record, thank you much, Danielle. 💗


~ Lilis

Quote from: Lilis on April 23, 2025, 02:06:24 AMI think it's the addition of the progesterone, but I will follow up with the doctor and keep track record, thank you much, Danielle. 💗

I hope you are feeling better, Lilis. I am grateful for your thoughtful discourse regarding risks to the transgender community. "Pray for them which despitefully use you..." (Mat 5:44) We're being used, Lilis. Scapegoated like so many marginalized communities have been scapegoated throughout Western history. But I will continue to pray for them.

Quote from: Lilis on April 23, 2025, 01:24:20 AMI've been feeling kind of blah these past couple of days, just off.

A bit more crying spells than usual.

There's been some noticeable breast tenderness too, especially in the mornings when I first wake up and sit at the edge of my bed, trying to catch up with consciousness.

Sleep has been strange. It's felt more like a series of power naps throughout the day rather than any solid rest, usually around the times I take my estrogen doses.

I even being checking  for spotting in my panties between trips to the bathroom, but not a jot of blood.

So I guess it's not that. ☺️

Still, my body feels like it's moving through something, and I'm just trying to listen.

~ Lilis 💗

It took me a while to adjust to the progesterone, too. Dizziness, drowsiness, and breast tenderness all fit. You might still be adjusting to it. I think it took a few months before it mellowed out. I don't understand the spotting or where that would come from, if hormone-related.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 23, 2025, 01:57:24 PMI hope you are feeling better, Lilis.

I'm feeling a little better, thank you so much, Annika. 💗

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2025, 02:05:13 PMIt took me a while to adjust to the progesterone, too. Dizziness, drowsiness, and breast tenderness all fit. You might still be adjusting to it. I think it took a few months before it mellowed out.

Thank you, Lori 💗

Yes, I had a telehealth session with my doctor earlier, and she thinks the same, it's likely just my body still adjusting.

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2025, 02:05:13 PMI don't understand the spotting or where that would come from, if hormone-related.

Haha, that part I was being silly, I meant it more like I was checking for a my period.  ;D

Sorry if that didn't come across clearly!


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on April 23, 2025, 05:40:02 PMHaha, that part I was being silly, I meant it more like I was checking for a my period.  ;D

Sorry if that didn't come across clearly!

Haha. You got me. I was like, huh? Wait. I think I missed something here.  :laugh:

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2025, 05:42:49 PMHaha. You got me. I was like, huh? Wait. I think I missed something here.  :laugh:

Lol, no, you're good. 😂

Thanks for the clarification, Lilis! I'm not a doctor but I always wanted to play one on TV. I am so glad you're feeling better.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 23, 2025, 05:55:36 PMI'm not a doctor but I always wanted to play one on TV.

I used to love the commercial theme song for the Operation electronic board game when I was a kid.

Wait... I still do!  ;D

QuoteI am so glad you're feeling better.

Thank You!


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 23, 2025, 05:40:02 PMI'm feeling a little better, thank you so much, Annika. 💗
Thank you, Lori 💗

I'm so glad you are feeling better, 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on April 21, 2025, 03:29:02 AMBoth countries, and others like Germany, Australia, and some Nordic nations, are wrestling with these issues, but with different cultural and political scripts. What they have in common, however, is an increasing resistance to the very idea that trans people deserve to live openly and safely.

Just caught your blog and it's great, so howdy. I like to look at this another way, which is that instead of there being increasing resistance, what we're seeing is the beginning of a rearguard action by conservatives (small c) who know they are on the retreat. Within the UK for instance, a majority of late millennials and Gen Z support trans rights but we're governed by older people who listen to older pressure groups. So don't give up hope, darling, because at times like this, all the noise comes from the shallow end of the pool :-)

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
Today is a new day...  I am trusting that you are still feeling better?
 
 ::) Hopefully there is NO "spotting" on your underwear. :o

HUGS, Danielle      ❤️❤️❤️

Quote from: Annaliese on April 24, 2025, 05:24:47 AMI'm so glad you are feeling better, 🫂

Thank you so much, Annaliese. 💗

Quote from: TanyaG on April 24, 2025, 06:01:29 AMJust caught your blog and it's great, so howdy.

Thanks for reading and stopping by, Tanya, that means a lot.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 24, 2025, 06:01:29 AMSo don't give up hope, darling, because at times like this, all the noise comes from the shallow end of the pool :-)

That's a clever way to put it, I really like how you reframed that whole dynamic.

Darn conservative boomers... Wait... sorry, Mom and Dad! /jk  ;D

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 24, 2025, 09:50:37 AMToday is a new day...  I am trusting that you are still feeling better?
 
 ::) Hopefully there is NO "spotting" on your underwear. :o

@Northern Star Girl

Hey Danielle,

I'm feeling much better today, a bit more grounded.

Haha, I keep checking, but dry as burnt toast! 😄

I love your sense of humor, it's exactly what the doctor ordered.

Thank you so much for checking in. 💗


~Lilis 🫂

Hi Lilis and All

Just for your information:

Here is a period  --> .  <--  and here are some more -->  . . . .  <---

I'm going back to sleep.

Hugs All
Sarah B
@Lilis @Northern Star Girl

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
   See what you started with your "spotting" comment !!!!
              ::)  :o  :laugh:  :D

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 24, 2025, 12:44:54 PMSee what you started with your "spotting" comment !!!!

ROFL!   ;D

Quote from: Sarah B on April 24, 2025, 12:36:44 PMHere is a period  --> .  <--  and here are some more -->  . . . .  <---

I love this, 😂🤣

Quote from: Sarah B on April 24, 2025, 12:36:44 PMI'm going back to sleep.

Goodnight Sarah! 💗

Just stopping by to give you a big hug, Lilis.

*megacyberhugs*

Back to your regularly scheduled programming. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2025, 04:40:12 PMJust stopping by to give you a big hug, Lilis.

*megacyberhugs*

Back to your regularly scheduled programming. :)

Oh no you don't... we're not doing a quick "hug and go" today, Lauren.

I felt that *megacyberhugs*, and I'm holding onto every bit of that warmth. 🫂

You can't just drop all that love and kindness and vanish like some mystical fairy of good vibes.

I'm here, soaking it in, I need it more than I realized.

Thank you so much, Lauren. 💗


~ Lilis 🥰

Quote from: Lilis on April 24, 2025, 10:58:34 PMOh no you don't... we're not doing a quick "hug and go" today, Lauren.

I felt that *megacyberhugs*, and I'm holding onto every bit of that warmth. 🫂

You can't just drop all that love and kindness and vanish like some mystical fairy of good vibes.

I'm here, soaking it in, I need it more than I realized.

Thank you so much, Lauren. 💗


~ Lilis 🥰

Haha, love you, girl. <3

Thank you for being you. Go pay it forward and give Bobby a giant hug from me, okay? :-* That pupper is just adorable. As is his mom. :) The off days are when you need people most. And girl, you reap what you sow. You are a massive force for good for so many people. Time to give a little back. *extra hugs*

It will be okay. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 05:28:58 AMHaha, love you, girl. <3

Love you too! 💖

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 05:28:58 AMGo pay it forward and give Bobby a giant hug from me, okay? :-* That pupper is just adorable. As is his mom. :)

You're making me blush again! 😊

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 05:28:58 AMThe off days are when you need people most. And girl, you reap what you sow. You are a massive force for good for so many people. Time to give a little back. *extra hugs*

Thank you, Lauren! 🫂

~ Lilis 💗

Hey everyone,

I've been thinking about the saying, "April showers bring May flowers," especially as I look at my patchy facial and body hair from ongoing hair removal treatments.

This phase feels a little messy, a little awkward, like a rainy, muddy April. ☔

But I know it's all part of a bigger process of growth and transformation. Like a flower being cultivated with care, even if right now I look more like a garden halfway through spring cleaning!

In a way, the electrologists, laser techs, and all the wonderful people helping me on this journey are like my personal horticulturists, botanists, and florists, nurturing the parts of me that are slowly emerging.

I remind myself that flowers don't bloom overnight.

It takes a lot of dirt, rain, and patience, and a few good gardeners (aka my amazing electrologist and laser tech!) to bring it to life.

So if you're in your "April" phase too, just remember your "May" is coming.

You're already growing in ways you might not even see yet.

With love,


~ Lilis 💗

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
I absolutely loved how you composed and posted your "April showers bring May flowers"
reply comment.  Very well stated and nicely worded.

You are stating exactly what some of our transitioning members need to hear...  our transtion
journeys are not instant, it is an ongoing "work in progress"   
Almost everything involved in a transition journey takes time, effort, and in the case
of medical and cosmetic procedures... MONEY $$$

HTR can take more than a year to start displaying the desired and obvious desired effects 
in our body.  Hair removal, voice training, learning the ropes in the new desired gender...
... movement, grooming and makeup, clothing choices, etc, etc.

Four of your sentences say it very well:
 
    -> I remind myself that flowers don't bloom overnight.

    -> It takes a lot of dirt, rain, and patience, and a few good gardeners
        (aka my amazing electrologist and laser tech!) to bring it to life.

    -> So if you're in your "April" phase too, just remember your "May" is coming.

    -> You're already growing in ways you might not even see yet.

Thank you Lilis for your wisdom and for sharing your thoughts.

I am wishing you continuing success and happiness as you continue in your journey.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]          ❤️❤️❤️

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 26, 2025, 07:22:50 PMThank you Lilis for stating your thoughts.

I am wishing you continuing success and happiness as you continue in your journey.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]          ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much, Danielle! 💗

I sent a line from an ee cummings poem: "Spring is like a perhaps hand." Perhaps (ironically) it was 'blocked' out of concern re copyright (though the poem is in public domain). I included the single line three (if I recall correctly) verses from the top. Anyway, it seemed to be apropos at the time. I added an assurance that you will get through mudtimes and blossom. But you already know that.

Quote from: Lilis on April 26, 2025, 07:01:48 PMIt takes a lot of dirt, rain, and patience, and a few good gardeners (aka my amazing electrologist and laser tech!) to bring it to life.

I don't forget the fertilizer. Sometimes it takes a lot of manure to make those blooms extra beautiful.  ;D

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 26, 2025, 08:42:54 PMI sent a line from an ee cummings poem: "Spring is like a perhaps hand." Perhaps (ironically) it was 'blocked' out of concern re copyright (though the poem is in public domain). I included the single line three (if I recall correctly) verses from the top. Anyway, it seemed to be apropos at the time. I added an assurance that you will get through mudtimes and blossom. But you already know that.

@Mrs. Oliphant
Thank you Mrs. Oliphant
    Here is the poem read by the poet and author - ee cummings: 
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sckKsJXHHWY

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 26, 2025, 08:43:50 PMI don't forget the fertilizer. Sometimes it takes a lot of manure to make those blooms extra beautiful.  ;D

ROFL, 😂🤣😂

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 26, 2025, 08:42:54 PMI sent a line from an ee cummings poem: "Spring is like a perhaps hand.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 26, 2025, 08:52:34 PM Here is the poem read by the poet and author - ee cummings: 
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thanks 🫂💗


~ Lilis

Danielle, Thanks! Hearing ee cummings' voice was a treasured gift! And, I suppose, the recording could still be copyright protected but not (if I read copyright law correctly) the text. But it makes no matter; the poem came to mind when I read Lilis' post. And, if she chooses to search for it herself, it will be worth the effort. Again, I've read all of Mr. Cummings' poetry but never heard his voice. Beautiful!

Just got home from my procedure, nothing serious, but I'm glad it's over.

I have to admit, seeing my gender marker change from (F) for Female to (TF) for Transgender Female brought up some mixed emotions.

There's a bit of sadness in it.

I had come to appreciate the visibility and affirmation that came with simply being marked (F).

Still, this feels like a sign that it's time to move forward with updating my legal name and gender marker on my ID.

Starting to look into the process now...

~ Lilis 💗

I had to do a double take on the DOB, using the UK way of writing dates, it should have been your birthday yesterday? But then I was like hang on... maybe 5th January. I get mixed up with that so often. :P

For what it's worth, you'll always be (F), no matter what they try to do to us. <3

*massive hugs* I am glad everything went well, sweetie.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 02, 2025, 02:46:36 PMI had to do a double take on the DOB, using the UK way of writing dates, it should have been your birthday yesterday? But then I was like hang on... maybe 5th January. I get mixed up with that so often. :P

Hah, same here! Yes, my real birthday is January 5th.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 02, 2025, 02:46:36 PMFor what it's worth, you'll always be (F), no matter what they try to do to us. <3

*massive hugs* I am glad everything went well, sweetie.

Being marked as TF feels more like being othered than affirmed. It's a reminder that, in society's eyes, I'm still seen as different. My sadness isn't rooted in shame... it's more like grief for a lost simplicity, or a deep longing to just be, without the need for constant explanation.

Still, I choose to pivot toward empowerment. I'm learning to hold space for that sadness without letting it stop me.

I focus on what's within my control and keep moving forward, even when the journey feels bittersweet.

Thank you so much, Lauren, for reminding me that no external label can ever change my inner truth, or how I'm seen by those who matter. 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 02, 2025, 08:25:48 PMBeing marked as TF feels more like being othered than affirmed. It's a reminder that, in society's eyes, I'm still seen as different. My sadness isn't rooted in shame... it's more like grief for a lost simplicity, or a deep longing to just be, without the need for constant explanation.

The thing is, Lilis, I don't necessarily think it's all of society. It's people in charge who have a certain issue with a certain group of people. And feel so threatened and/or invalidated by us that they have to try and make us feel ostracised. And this is how they do it.

Real people, on the street, you'd be surprised how many don't share this whole deal. And who just see Lilis as the gorgeous girl she is. I would say a good majority of people are smarter, both logically and emotionally. They look beyond the marker to the person they're speaking to face-to-face. That's been my experience, and I am kind of a freak, by comparison to you girls here. But even in this Transpocalypse the world is going through... what those at the top do, doesn't necessarily translate to the people you meet day-to-day. They just feel like petty little gods and it all goes to their heads.

I doubt most people who voted for Trump ever thought he would be this much of a nutter.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 02, 2025, 08:37:02 PMThe thing is, Lilis, I don't necessarily think it's all of society. It's people in charge who have a certain issue with a certain group of people. And feel so threatened and/or invalidated by us that they have to try and make us feel ostracised.

I've twice found myself in working in war zones where the majority of the people on both sides would quite happily have shaken hands, buried the dead together and walked away from it so they could live and love without having to duck stray rounds the entire time.

So for sure, it is not all of society, but despite that, the shallow end of the pool most surely can make a lot of noise and there are plenty in the media, both social and otherwise, who have no problem amplifying it.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 01, 2025, 10:02:43 PMYeah one day we need to see the mighty Lilis. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on May 02, 2025, 08:41:28 PMPlease don't do anything you aren't comfortable with okay?

Quote from: Lilis on May 05, 2025, 04:42:27 AM

(https://i.imgur.com/2gYoZ4t.jpeg)

I know, I know, I still have another 30 pounds to lose.

you look great lilis, you will get there. I have confidence in you.  🫂 🤗 Annaliese

Quote from: Annaliese on May 05, 2025, 05:25:15 AMyou look great lilis, you will get there. I have confidence in you.

Thank you, Annaliese! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 05, 2025, 09:54:37 AMThank you, Annaliese! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

I put a profile picture up. But it is not very femine. I have a long ways to go. But you encouraged me to post it. I am so self conscious about posting my picture looking like me. 💜

Quote from: Annaliese on May 05, 2025, 10:01:01 AMI put a profile picture up. But it is not very femine

You look amazing, and congrats 🎉 on taking this huge step.

QuoteI have a long ways to go. But you encouraged me to post it. I am so self conscious about posting my picture looking like me. 💜

Coming out is incredibly difficult, especially when it comes to claiming space online.

It takes a monumental act of courage.

It's a vulnerable decision, and yet, it's just one small step toward reclaiming space in this world...

space that was taken from us by a hostile world a long time ago.


~ Lilis 💗

You do look great, Lilis. It gives me something to hope for and look forward to. Thank you.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 05, 2025, 10:01:01 AMI put a profile picture up. But it is not very femine. I have a long ways to go. But you encouraged me to post it. I am so self conscious about posting my picture looking like me. 💜

Annaliese, you are you, and you are beautiful. By being authentic, you shine your light on the world, and that makes it a better place for everyone. I know these things sound like platitudes, but I really believe and feel them.

@Lilis  and  @Annaliese 
        cc: @flowers_and_trees  @Sephirah  @TanyaG  @Mrs. Oliphant  @Lori Dee  @Sarah B

Thank you Lilis and Annaliese for taking the beginning steps of bravely
showing yourself to all of us on the Forum.  As you venture out and about
you will gain more confidence.  Keep on keeping on!

Thank you for sharing and posting. 
Wishing both of you happiness and success in each of your journeys.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 05, 2025, 10:44:37 AM@Lilis  and  @Annaliese 
        cc: @flowers_and_trees  @Sephirah  @TanyaG  @Mrs. Oliphant  @Lori Dee  @Sarah B

Thank you Lilis and Annaliese for taking the beginning steps of bravely
showing yourself to all of us on the Forum.  As you venture out and about
you will gain more confidence.  Keep on keeping on!

Thank you for sharing and posting. 
Wishing both of you happiness and success in each of your journeys.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thank you so much, Danielle! 💗

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 05, 2025, 10:44:37 AM@Lilis  and  @Annaliese 
        cc: @flowers_and_trees  @Sephirah  @TanyaG  @Mrs. Oliphant  @Lori Dee  @Sarah B

Thank you Lilis and Annaliese for taking the beginning steps of bravely
showing yourself to all of us on the Forum.  As you venture out and about
you will gain more confidence.  Keep on keeping on!

Thank you for sharing and posting. 
Wishing both of you happiness and success in each of your journeys.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thank you Danielle. This has been a week of first for me. I have came a few steps forward this past week.  This last one was my most openly one. But I owe most of them to the support I have gooten from the members here.

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on May 05, 2025, 10:38:41 AMAnnaliese, you are you, and you are beautiful. By being authentic, you shine your light on the world, and that makes it a better place for everyone. I know these things sound like platitudes, but I really believe and feel them.

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on May 05, 2025, 10:38:41 AMAnnaliese, you are you, and you are beautiful. By being authentic, you shine your light on the world, and that makes it a better place for everyone. I know these things sound like platitudes, but I really believe and feel them.

Thank you so very much. I do so much appreciate this. I try to be authentic in everything I do. But having to keep me secret in real life is hard, one day I will be able to break out of that.

Quote from: Lilis on May 05, 2025, 10:21:56 AMYou look amazing, and congrats 🎉 on taking this huge step.
Coming out is incredibly difficult, especially when it comes to claiming space online.

It takes a monumental act of courage.

It's a vulnerable decision, and yet, it's just one small step toward reclaiming space in this world...

space that was taken from us by a hostile world a long time ago.


~ Lilis 💗

lilis, thank you for these words. They mean very much to me. I neverthought i would be ready this early for something like this. I have been following you and some others on here. I have to say I have drawn courage throughout my short time here. I will take this and continue to move forward and blossom.  Thank you. Heart  💜

Quote from: Lilis on May 05, 2025, 04:42:27 AM

(https://i.imgur.com/2gYoZ4t.jpeg)

I know, I know, I still have another 30 pounds to lose.

Amazing! It is also my one year anniversary since I registered here on the forums!

Date registered:
May 05, 2024, 06:34:36 PM
Technically at 06:34:36 PM EST.

But closed enough.  ;D


Thank You Susan's! 💗


~ Lilis 💙💗🤍

Quote from: Lilis on May 05, 2025, 11:42:22 AMAmazing! It is also my one year anniversary since I registered here on the forums!

Code Select Expand

Date registered:
May 05, 2024, 06:34:36 PM
Technically at 06:34:36 PM EST.

But closed enough.  ;D


Thank You Susan's! 💗


~ Lilis 💙💗🤍

Happy Cinco De Mayo

Quote from: Lilis on May 05, 2025, 04:42:27 AMI know, I know, I still have another 30 pounds to lose.

Awww! You're beautiful, Lilis. And your heart and spirit are absolutely glowing. I'm blessed...nope, not going there again. Getting to know you is a beautiful journey.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on May 05, 2025, 12:35:09 PMAwww! You're beautiful, Lilis. And your heart and spirit are absolutely glowing.

Thank you, Annika! 💓

QuoteI'm blessed...nope, not going there again.

ROFL, love you girl!  ;D

QuoteGetting to know you is a beautiful journey.

It's my pleasure, like wise, Annika! 🫂


~ Lilis

~ Lilis 🫂

WOW Lilis

Quote from: Lilis on May 06, 2025, 05:43:21 AMNow I can't stop! 💗

You have it going on, girl!

Thank You! 💗


@Jessica 33 @D'Amalie



~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 05, 2025, 04:42:27 AM

(https://i.imgur.com/2gYoZ4t.jpeg)

🎊🎉🎉YAYYYY!!!!🎉🎉🎊  There she is!!! 🌸 Well Done my beautiful little sister!!! 🌸

 Kudos on yet another courageous step in the journey! 💕✨🤗✨💕

Hugs and Lotsa Love!

A 💕

Quote from: Lilis on May 06, 2025, 05:43:21 AMNow I can't stop! 💗

Sephirah has the same effect on me. Personally, I think it's a good thing. Your selfies are so much fun, Lilis, please keep sharing. As for me, my avatar is as much as I dare to do at least for a time. You are lovely, Lilis.

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 06, 2025, 09:41:22 AMThere she is!!!

Oh My God!

This hit home, really hard!

Thank You, Ashley! 💗



~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 06, 2025, 09:41:22 AMWell Done my beautiful little sister!!! 🌸

 Kudos on yet another courageous step in the journey! 💕✨🤗✨💕

No, when I first arrived at Susan's, I didn't know anything, and honestly, I still feel like I have so much to learn.

I just want to thank everyone here at Susan's for the progress I've made so far.

I truly couldn't have done this alone.

~ Lilis 💗

Evan for my "straight forward" transition I have found Susan's a blessing, I am not much use at giving advise as it was so easy and as I have little funds I have to put up with what nature has blessed me with (between a B and C) GRS on the NHS.

Susan's allows me some vicarious freedom.  Many success stories here!

Quote from: D'Amalie on May 06, 2025, 03:10:48 PMSusan's allows me some vicarious freedom.  Many success stories here!

This has been a great value for me. I seem to be more relaxed here and I believe this has allowed me to make some of my decisions I have in the last couple of weeks.

Quote from: davina61 on May 06, 2025, 03:07:37 PMI am not much use at giving advise as it was so easy and as I have little funds I have to put up with what nature has blessed me with (between a B and C) GRS on the NHS.

I take so much from you each day, believe it or not your daily initial posts are my first reading everyday at around the time my day is beginning here in the west.

I quietly read your journey in the back ground everyday, Davina! 💗

Quote from: D'Amalie on May 06, 2025, 03:10:48 PMSusan's allows me some vicarious freedom.  Many success stories here!

Remarkable, D'Amalie! We're surrounded by wonderful, amazing people! 💓💞

Quote from: Annaliese on May 06, 2025, 03:18:35 PMThis has been a great value for me. I seem to be more relaxed here and I believe this has allowed me to make some of my decisions I have in the last couple of weeks.

This is how I started here, and continue being like this still. 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 06, 2025, 05:43:21 AM

(https://i.imgur.com/X4dlLtE.jpeg)
@Sephirah You see what you started? 😊

Now I can't stop! 💗


I love you! 🥰💕

~ Lilis 🫂

Love you, too, Lilis! And I'm glad the dam has broken. You deserve to be seen. Like Ash said... there she is!!

Funny thing is, you actually look a little like the image I had in my head of you. Only that image doesn't do you justice. You are gorgeous, Lilis. As I kinda always knew you were. I adore those boots! And the girl in them. You are beautiful. And thank you for taking that leap to put yourself out there. It takes a massive amount of guts a lot of people don't have, me included.

Now your light is out from under the bushel.. keep going! <3

Also a belated happy anniversary!!

Anna, you are beautiful, too. Seems to me like every time someone shows a pic of themselves here, their inner light accentuates their outer appearance. You are glowing. I shouldn't be surprised. If what's outside is only a shadow of a reflection of what's inside... you're all stunning. :)

Yep. Lilis also looks a bit like Sephirah's avatar. But no worries, Annaliese, we've just begun our physigognomic transformation. Soon, we'll be rockin' tight jeans and designer boots. Until then, I do envy better than most.   

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on May 08, 2025, 07:07:12 PMYep. Lilis also looks a bit like Sephirah's avatar. But no worries, Annaliese, we've just begun our physigognomic transformation. Soon, we'll be rockin' tight jeans and designer boots. Until then, I do envy better than most.   

Annika.. girl you have nothing to be envious of. When you took that leap of faith and showed me what you look like... girl you are stunning. It's always in your eyes and in your smile. You, too, are gorgeous. You have that light shining through you. The hardest thing is that mountain to climb to get that confidence. You, Lilis, and Anna... you are such beautiful, shining women. Moreso because your vulnerability makes it hard. You climbed Everest and planted the flag!

Lilis is way more beautiful than any avatar I use. I wish my hair had that uniform curl. My hair was always a mess, lol. Like some stylist smoked too many drugs and kind of went nuts with the curling tongs. I had to fight it every day of my life just to not feel like I got dragged through a hedge backwards. ;D

You are all far, far more beautiful than you ever think you are. And mostly because you've got to the point where you have the confidence to let the world see your light.

Keep shining. Because you are a beacon for others. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on May 08, 2025, 01:39:01 PMLove you, too, Lilis! And I'm glad the dam has broken. You deserve to be seen. Like Ash said... there she is!!

Love you, too, Lauren. 💗

Those words "there she is" hit me so deeply.

There's such relief in no longer living solely in reflections and shadows, and in finally stepping into the light and being seen not just in spirit, but in the physical world.

For so long, this world has kept me in a quiet presence behind the curtains, waiting for the right moment.

Now, to feel visible, to be visible, is equal vulnerable, and freeing.

Thank you, Lauren and Ashley for witnessing me.

It means more than words can say. 💓

QuoteFunny thing is, you actually look a little like the image I had in my head of you. Only that image doesn't do you justice. You are gorgeous, Lilis. As I kinda always knew you were. I adore those boots! And the girl in them. You are beautiful.

Lauren, you truly know how to make me feel special.

Bushing...😊

QuoteAnd thank you for taking that leap to put yourself out there. It takes a massive amount of guts a lot of people don't have, me included.

Now your light is out from under the bushel.. keep going! <3

Also a belated happy anniversary!!

No, thank you, Lauren for the inspiration. Honestly, I couldn't do this alone! 🫂💞


~ Lilis 💗

Lilis, you are special. I have met very few people in my life with the warmth, kindness, gentleness, wisdom, grace and humbleness you have within you. I kind of think this place attracts a certain kind of person because most who share these traits are people here.

And girl, you're never alone. I will always be your cheerleader. See? *\o/*

<3

Quote from: Lilis on May 02, 2025, 01:00:46 PM

(https://i.imgur.com/RgRTPZ5.jpeg?1)

Just got home from my procedure, nothing serious, but I'm glad it's over.

I have to admit, seeing my gender marker change from (F) for Female to (TF) for Transgender Female brought up some mixed emotions.

There's a bit of sadness in it.

I had come to appreciate the visibility and affirmation that came with simply being marked (F).

Still, this feels like a sign that it's time to move forward with updating my legal name and gender marker on my ID.

Starting to look into the process now...

~ Lilis 💗

I received a call today from the law firm's office... they're ready to get the ball rolling on the documentation for my name change and just need a few personal details to move forward.

The only ID they're not handling at the moment is the passport, due to the current political climate.

That's okay, though... I don't have any plans to travel internationally anytime soon.

We're scheduled to meet in June to finalize everything before they submit the paperwork to the court on June 10th.

Funny enough, June 10th, 2024 was also the day I began my GAHT journey.

It's like June 10th is becoming my new birthday. 🎂🎈

And honestly, I'm a bit tired of stretching myself thin doing everything DIY..  so I'm treating myself to some hired help on this one.

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 09, 2025, 11:34:25 AMThose words "there she is" hit me so deeply.

There's such relief in no longer living solely in reflections and shadows, and in finally stepping into the light and being seen not just in spirit, but in the physical world.

For so long, this world has kept me in a quiet presence behind the curtains, waiting for the right moment.

Now, to feel visible, to be visible, is equal vulnerable, and freeing.

Thank you, Lauren and Ashley for witnessing me.

~ Lilis 💗

"Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸"

Each courageous step leads to the next and before you know it...  You have forged a life filled the the very things you thought would never be yours to experience! 🌻

Onward Brave Sister! The World Is Yours! 🤗

Hugs, Love and Respect...

Ashley 💕

Lilis, I'm sorry to be so delayed in my responses to your posts here. We're in a foreign place (to me anyway; my wife was born and grew up here), with variable internet and uncertain plans from hour to hour.

Just know that I am so proud of you and happy for you for the way you've taken control of your life, your path, your sense of who you are. It's exciting and it's inspirational to me and, I'm sure, to others.

I thank you for being you and for sharing your journey here. It lifts me.

Quote from: Lilis on May 09, 2025, 09:44:43 PMI received a call today from the law firm's office... they're ready to get the ball rolling on the documentation for my name change and just need a few personal details to move forward.

The only ID they're not handling at the moment is the passport, due to the current political climate.

That's okay, though... I don't have any plans to travel internationally anytime soon.

We're scheduled to meet in June to finalize everything before they submit the paperwork to the court on June 10th.

Funny enough, June 10th, 2024 was also the day I began my GAHT journey.

It's like June 10th is becoming my new birthday. 🎂🎈

And honestly, I'm a bit tired of stretching myself thin doing everything DIY..  so I'm treating myself to some hired help on this one.

~ Lilis 💗

Lilis!

Congrats of the name change gears turning! 🤗

From the moment I made my decision in 2013... my life became awash daily in uncanny synchronicities and "signs from the universe" of sorts that I was finally on the right path and the universe wanted me to know.✨🌞✨

One of them was the date I submitted my name and gender change paperwork was my maternal grandmother's birthday but I hadn't realized it until afterwards, and the day they gave me to appear to the court  to make it happen was my mothers birthday... keep your heart open and your eye out because girl... you are 100% on your right path 🌸

Onward Brave Sister!!!

A 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 10, 2025, 10:59:13 AMLilis!

Congrats of the name change gears turning! 🤗

Thank you so much, Ashley!

QuoteFrom the moment I made my decision in 2013... my life became awash daily in uncanny synchronicities and "signs from the universe" of sorts that I was finally on the right path and the universe wanted me to know.✨🌞✨

One of them was the date I submitted my name and gender change paperwork was my maternal grandmother's birthday but I hadn't realized it until afterwards, and the day they gave me to appear to the court  to make it happen was my mothers birthday...

Wow... it sounds like everything was in perfect alignment, thank you for sharing this, Ashley!

Quotekeep your heart open and your eye out because girl... you are 100% on your right path 🌸

Onward Brave Sister!!!

A 💕

Thank You! 💓


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on May 10, 2025, 09:54:41 AMLilis, I'm sorry to be so delayed in my responses to your posts here.

No worries Pema, you and the others are always here for me all the time all day, everyday. Thank you so much for stopping by. 💞

QuoteWe're in a foreign place (to me anyway; my wife was born and grew up here), with variable internet and uncertain plans from hour to hour.

Wishing you and your wife a fun and safe trip. You know what they say "there is no place like home", enjoy!

QuoteJust know that I am so proud of you and happy for you for the way you've taken control of your life, your path, your sense of who you are. It's exciting and it's inspirational to me and, I'm sure, to others.

Thank you so much, Pema! 💓

QuoteI thank you for being you and for sharing your journey here. It lifts me.

Thank you again, it means a lot when my story touches and helps someone else! 🫂💞


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 10, 2025, 09:10:04 AM"Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸"

Each courageous step leads to the next and before you know it...  You have forged a life filled the the very things you thought would never be yours to experience! 🌻

Onward Brave Sister! The World Is Yours! 🤗

Hugs, Love and Respect...

Ashley 💕

I love you too, Ashley! 💗

Stopping by to give one of my heroines a giant cyberhug.

And my favourite puppy.

*massive hugs to you both*

Girl, you already know how I feel about you. You are someone special in the world.

The weird thing is... I joined this site back in June of 2008.. so it's fitting that it's your birthday. The world moves on and the new generation of people with light in their soul carry things forward.

If I don't get the chance before now (although I'm hoping I do)... Happy Birthday, Lilis.

You are a gift to the world. <3

A Bittersweet Goodbye to Dr. (S), and a Hopeful Step Forward! 💖

I will call her Dr. (S), here for privacy.

I want to share a personal update in my transition journey that carries both a heavy heart and a hopeful spirit.

As of this month, Dr. (S) is no longer my provider for gender affirming hormone therapy (GAHT).

It's hard to put into words how much her presence and guidance meant to me, especially in a world where competent, compassionate, gender affirming medical care can be difficult to come by.

Dr. (S) saw me, affirmed me, and stood by me in some of the most vulnerable and powerful steps of my life.

For that, I'll always be grateful.

The change wasn't something I expected so soon, but I also understand the times we're living in.

The political climate around transgender healthcare has created a storm of uncertainty for both patients and providers. I believe Dr. (S) is going to a better place for now, maybe somewhere safer, maybe somewhere she can do her work without as much constraint.

I wish her rest, freedom, and continued purpose.

Even though the transition is hard, I trust that the next chapter will bring good things.

My new provider is Dr, (R), she will be continue my gender affirming hormone therapy (GAHT).

From what I've seen so far, I feel she brings the same spirit of respect and dedication that Dr. (S) embodied.

It sucks starting over, I won't lie, but I'm choosing to walk forward with trust.

Here's to new beginnings. 🍷


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 15, 2025, 09:50:25 PMIt sucks starting over, I won't lie, but I'm choosing to walk forward with trust.

Here's to new beginnings. 🍷

I had a similar situation. My endocrinologist treated me for over three years, then retired from the VA. That shut down the entire endocrinology clinic in this area, so the VA sent me to a non-VA endocrinologist at the local hospital. It turns out that the two doctors had worked together for some time, so things worked out well. Then the VA created a new Women's Health Specialty Clinic and moved me from seeing an endocrinologist to a gynecologist. She is absolutely wonderful.

I think the hardest part is letting go of someone you have trusted for so long, just to turn around and have to get to know a new provider (and for them to get to know you).

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 15, 2025, 10:07:22 PMI think the hardest part is letting go of someone you have trusted for so long, just to turn around and have to get to know a new provider (and for them to get to know you).

Yes this. You're absolutely right, the hardest part is letting go.

She wasn't just my provider, after a while she became part of the process.

Hearing how your path unfolded, with one door closing and another one opening, reminds me that this moment isn't the end.

I am glad things worked out good for you.

Thanks, Lori. 💗

~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 15, 2025, 10:15:33 PMI am glad things worked out good for you.

Thanks. I'm about to go through the process again. My appointments in June will be my "goodbyes" to my current providers, and I will start with new ones after I move to Colorado in July. I have been with my Primary physician for almost ten years. In the back of my mind is a hint of mistrust that anyone can truly replace her. But the reality is that they are professionals and they work at the VA because they want to help veterans. That gives me hope.

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 15, 2025, 10:20:42 PMI'm about to go through the process again.

Oh wow, Lori, I didn't realize you're about to go through another round of goodbyes yourself.

Ten years with a primary provider is such a meaningful stretch of time... that's not just medical care, that's shared history. I feel your connection. But you're right, those who work in places like the VA and women's health often choose to be there because they want to help.

That care and dedication, I'll miss that most about Dr. (S). Especially her prompt, thoughtful replies to my emails and requests.

She made the process feel personal and supported.

Wishing you a smooth and supported transition, Lori.



~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 15, 2025, 10:20:42 PMThanks. I'm about to go through the process again. My appointments in June will be my "goodbyes" to my current providers, and I will start with new ones after I move to Colorado in July. I have been with my Primary physician for almost ten years. In the back of my mind is a hint of mistrust that anyone can truly replace her. But the reality is that they are professionals and they work at the VA because they want to help veterans. That gives me hope.

You may wish to try to establish new providers now and not just after you move.  But maybe you cannot with the VA.  The reason is that many providers do not accept new patients and there may be a wait to get an appointment.  If you get that time clock started now to your appointment dates, the less time passes after your move.  This new provider availability may even help you determine what city to move to. 

Good luck.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 16, 2025, 06:57:51 AMYou may wish to try to establish new providers now and not just after you move.  But maybe you cannot with the VA.  The reason is that many providers do not accept new patients and there may be a wait to get an appointment.  If you get that time clock started now to your appointment dates, the less time passes after your move.  This new provider availability may even help you determine what city to move to. 

Good luck.

Chrissy

Thanks, Chrissy, that is good advice.

Until I have a definite place set up, I don't know what city I will be in. I am shooting for Pueblo, and if things work out, I will be just down the road from the VA Clinic. But I'll have to wait until I confirm the place as mine.

The waiting list could be long due to all of the veterans in the area, but not the "new patient" reasons. Once I check in at the clinic, I just have to designate that as my new primary care clinic, and they will have access to all of my records. You are correct that I might have to wait for initial appointments, though.

Since my medications are mailed to me, I can just call the clinic here and request refills to be sent to my new address. If the wait times are very long for appointments, I can still contact my old providers and do TeleHealth appointments while waiting. The Women's Health nurse here has already contacted the Women's Health Director for the Denver Region and warned them that I am coming. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.  ;D

Quote from: Lilis on May 15, 2025, 09:50:25 PMA Bittersweet Goodbye to Dr. (S), and a Hopeful Step Forward! 💖

I will call her Dr. (S), here for privacy.

I want to share a personal update in my transition journey that carries both a heavy heart and a hopeful spirit.

As of this month, Dr. (S) is no longer my provider for gender affirming hormone therapy (GAHT).

It's hard to put into words how much her presence and guidance meant to me, especially in a world where competent, compassionate, gender affirming medical care can be difficult to come by.

Dr. (S) saw me, affirmed me, and stood by me in some of the most vulnerable and powerful steps of my life.

For that, I'll always be grateful.

The change wasn't something I expected so soon, but I also understand the times we're living in.

The political climate around transgender healthcare has created a storm of uncertainty for both patients and providers. I believe Dr. (S) is going to a better place for now, maybe somewhere safer, maybe somewhere she can do her work without as much constraint.

I wish her rest, freedom, and continued purpose.

Even though the transition is hard, I trust that the next chapter will bring good things.

My new provider is Dr, (R), she will be continue my gender affirming hormone therapy (GAHT).

From what I've seen so far, I feel she brings the same spirit of respect and dedication that Dr. (S) embodied.

It sucks starting over, I won't lie, but I'm choosing to walk forward with trust.

Here's to new beginnings. 🍷


~ Lilis 💗

"The fading light of yesterday only serves to remind us of the shining dawn which comes from tomorrow. Both are equally valuable." - Me.

Sending you all massive hugs.

<3

Quote from: Sephirah on May 16, 2025, 03:25:49 PM"The fading light of yesterday only serves to remind us of the shining dawn which comes from tomorrow. Both are equally valuable." - Me.

Such a beautiful quote, Sephirah. And apropos of all the changes shaping the lives of Lori and Lilis. I'm betting on tomorrow.

Stopping by to give one of my favourite gals a giant hug and hoping she's doing okay. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on May 22, 2025, 03:48:46 PMStopping by to give one of my favourite gals a giant hug and hoping she's doing okay. <3

Aww, Lauren... thank you! 💞

Hug received, and returned with love and gratitude!

I'm hanging in there, taking things one step and day at a time.

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 22, 2025, 03:58:34 PMAww, Lauren... thank you! 💞

Hug received, and returned with love and gratitude!

I'm hanging in there, taking things one step and day at a time.

~ Lilis 💗

All we can do, sweetie. You know I am only a PM away if you ever want to get anything off your chest.

Go give Bobby a giant hug, too, okay?

Kinda want to see more Lilis in Boots. :D ;)

Quote from: Sephirah on May 22, 2025, 04:02:45 PMAll we can do, sweetie. You know I am only a PM away if you ever want to get anything off your chest.

Thank you, Lauren!

QuoteKinda want to see more Lilis in Boots. :D ;)

Muah 💋, thanks doll! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

(https://i.imgur.com/dSZeeC3.png)

Let's have a little real life fun!

A bit of context and background:

we've been exchanging texts for a couple of weeks now after meeting on a popular transgender dating website.

Our conversations have been going really well, and things seem to be aligning naturally, so we've decided to meet in person for lunch next week!

We're planning to meet at my local LGBTQ+ center right after my weekly session with my LGBTQ+ counselor.

It felt like the perfect choice, safe, welcoming, and familiar for both of us.

From there, we'll walk to a nearby restaurant for lunch.

She's a cisgender lesbian, just a few years younger than me (only three years apart), and she knows that I'm trans.

We had open and honest conversations early on, and it's important to say, she's not a TERF. We made sure we were both clear and comfortable about that before planning to meet in person.

It's exciting... and honestly, a little nerve-wracking too.

Wish me luck, everyone!

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 22, 2025, 04:56:33 PMWish me luck, everyone!

I am so jealous! In my opinion, she's the lucky one. Lilis, I hope your date goes swimmingly!

Lilis! This is so exciting!

I know it's just the beginning and that anything is possible. But also: Anything is possible!

I hope it's a wonderful experience for you both.

Quote from: Lilis on May 22, 2025, 04:56:33 PM(https://i.imgur.com/dSZeeC3.png)

Let's have a little real life fun!

A bit of context and background:

we've been exchanging texts for a couple of weeks now after meeting on a popular transgender dating website.

Our conversations have been going really well, and things seem to be aligning naturally, so we've decided to meet in person for lunch next week!

We're planning to meet at my local LGBTQ+ center right after my weekly session with my LGBTQ+ counselor.

It felt like the perfect choice, safe, welcoming, and familiar for both of us.

From there, we'll walk to a nearby restaurant for lunch.

She's a cisgender lesbian, just a few years younger than me (only three years apart), and she knows that I'm trans.

We had open and honest conversations early on, and it's important to say, she's not a TERF. We made sure we were both clear and comfortable about that before planning to meet in person.

It's exciting... and honestly, a little nerve-wracking too.

Wish me luck, everyone!

~ Lilis 💗

She is very lucky. It's not you who needs wishing luck. Lilis :) Anyone who has you in their life is massively lucky. You are a force of nature. You've got this.

Sending you all the positivity in the world. Believe in yourself. You're worth it. Go shine like I know you do.

Make sure she's a dog person... just sayin' *massive hugs*

You've got this girl. Just be you. Because you are amazing, okay? You deserve this. Both of you. I am so happy for you. Wishing you all the best, honey. Go get em' tiger!

(as a side note... the first person I ever told was a cis gay girl. She got me to come here. I have a good feeling, Lilis.)

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on May 22, 2025, 05:16:41 PMLilis, I hope your date goes swimmingly!

Thank you so much, Annika. It's all still a little surreal. I'm doing my best to stay present and let it all unfold naturally, nerves and butterflies included!

Quote from: Pema on May 22, 2025, 05:25:17 PMI hope it's a wonderful experience for you both.

Thank you so much, Pema!

Quote from: Sephirah on May 22, 2025, 06:58:40 PMMake sure she's a dog person... just sayin' *massive hugs*

You've got this girl. Just be you. Because you are amazing, okay? You deserve this. Both of you. I am so happy for you. Wishing you all the best, honey. Go get em' tiger!

Lauren, thank you! That made me laugh and tear up at the same time. She's actually a cat person, but I think we can make that work!

~ Lilis 💗

Very Nice little Sister! 💕🤗💕

Onward!!!

A🌻

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 22, 2025, 09:17:29 PMVery Nice little Sister! 💕🤗💕

Onward!!!

A🌻

Thank you so much, Ashley! 💞

Quote from: Sephirah on May 22, 2025, 06:58:40 PM(as a side note... the first person I ever told was a cis gay girl. She got me to come here. I have a good feeling, Lilis.)

Hey Lauren,

What you shared here stayed with me. It seems I can't shake it out of my mind.

Can I ask were you nervous when you first told her?

Ra (Ra not real name) and I are meeting in person for the first time on Tuesday.

We've had some good convos so far, and I'm feeling hopeful... but also a little nervous.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, do you have any advice?


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 22, 2025, 04:56:33 PMIt's exciting... and honestly, a little nerve-wracking too.

Well hey, isn't this as all first dates should be? Just go for it, Lilis!

Just follow the universe as it puts the right things in our path.

Quote from: TanyaG on May 23, 2025, 02:53:27 AMWell hey, isn't this as all first dates should be? Just go for it, Lilis!

Quote from: davina61 on May 23, 2025, 03:28:28 AMJust follow the universe as it puts the right things in our path.

Thank you so much, Tanya and Davina, for this kind of warmth and encouragement. 💗


~ Lilis 💞

Quote from: Lilis on May 23, 2025, 01:16:43 AMI'd love to hear your thoughts, do you have any advice?


~ Lilis 💗

I have some!... Be Careful!... The guy I met on a dating site in 2013... had great conversations with... and went on a first date with... Just brought me my morning coffee and told me he Loved me! 💕🤗💕

We will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary this year! 🎊

Onward Brave Sister!

The World Is Yours...

A 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 23, 2025, 08:56:10 AMI have some!... Be Careful!... The guy I met on a dating site in 2013... had great conversations with... and went on a first date with... Just brought me my morning coffee and told me he Loved me! 💕🤗💕

We will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary this year! 🎊

Oh wow, Ashley...

That gave me full-body chills in the most beautiful way.

What a love story... nine years! That's incredible. Congratulations! 💐 🎉

Thank you so much for sharing that. I'll carry it with me on Tuesday.

With love,


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 23, 2025, 01:16:43 AMHey Lauren,

What you shared here stayed with me. It seems I can't shake it out of my mind.

Can I ask were you nervous when you first told her?

Ra (Ra not real name) and I are meeting in person for the first time on Tuesday.

We've had some good convos so far, and I'm feeling hopeful... but also a little nervous.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, do you have any advice?


~ Lilis 💗

Nervous doesn't even come remotely close to describing how I felt. I was terrified. Like absurd, rabbit-caught-in-headlights levels of sheer mortification. My mouth felt full of sand and I wasn't sure I would be able to form coherent sentences. I'm not even sure I did, lol. I think I just babbled something that sounded vaguely intelligible and she pieced it together... somehow.

Her words to me were, and I quote: "I see boobies in my future, so it's all good!"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I did both at the same time.

Just be you, Lilis. That's my advice. Be open. She might have questions and want to understand. To get to know how you feel. Be as honest as you can. And... go with it. Watch the crazy butterflies but don't get consumed by them, and you'll be fine. <3 Remember, she's probably as nervous as you are.

Above all, remember you are worth loving, and worth being with. As is she. You have nothing to hide, and nothing to shy away from. So... girl, just enjoy it and have a great time. You'll be okay. I have a feeling. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on May 23, 2025, 01:52:04 PMJust be you, Lilis. That's my advice. Be open. She might have questions and want to understand. To get to know how you feel. Be as honest as you can. And... go with it. Watch the crazy butterflies but don't get consumed by them, and you'll be fine. <3 Remember, she's probably as nervous as you are.

Thank you so much, Lauren! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 23, 2025, 07:12:06 AMThank you so much, Tanya and Davina, for this kind of warmth and encouragement. 💗

Over the years, I've found one of the hardest tasks people face is giving themselves permission to like and love themselves as much as people who know them do. So often, people instead doubt the like/love and end up pushing it away because of that. I did a complete reprogram of my thinking between the ages of 18 and 21 and in there, one of the things I learned was to love myself and to let others love me, which massively boosted my self-confidence.

Do this for yourself, Lillis and every date will become a good date. Even if they turn out to be idiots, they'll walk away a little better simply for having been around you for a short while.

Quote from: TanyaG on May 24, 2025, 02:09:55 AMOver the years, I've found one of the hardest tasks people face is giving themselves permission to like and love themselves as much as people who know them do. So often, people instead doubt the like/love and end up pushing it away because of that.

QuoteDo this for yourself, Lillis and every date will become a good date.

That's pretty incredible, Tanya, it's like you're reading my heart from miles away through a screen.

I love that. 💋💞

You touched something tender in me. I'm still learning how to love myself and allow others to love me, especially after a heartbreak that's lingered for a long time.

It's been 25 years since I said goodbye to Ruth, my high school sweetheart, and there are days when the grief still feels just beneath the surface.

That loss shaped the way I've protected my heart in every relationship since, and even now, I'm still slowly working through it.

So this upcoming date with Ra on Tuesday... it's a big deal. I feel hopeful, but also a little scared.

I want to show up fully as myself, with softness and joy, but it's not always easy to quiet those old voices of fear and doubt.

Your words are a balm. 🫂

I'm taking them with me on Tuesday.

Thank you so much, Tanya. Truly.

With love,

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 24, 2025, 04:30:41 AMYou touched something tender in me. I'm still learning how to love myself and allow others to love me, especially after a heartbreak that's lingered for a long time.

That's the thing with relationships, we have to take a risk sharing ourselves and accept that sometimes it wonn't work out. But when it doesn't work out, we also need to accept that if we are empathic, consistent and adult people, then relationships sometimes, often even, don't work out not because of any issue with ourselves, but because of other factors. Sometimes two people don't click, other times it's the other person who isn't right for us.

If a relationship fails, particularly a crucial early one, our confidence can take a massive hit because we haven't built it up enough at that stage to survive the gamble (if you like) which lies at the hear of any relationship. Which is we can build something from which both partners can benefit. In that case, a relationship not working out can make us feel all relationships will fail to work out, the common factor in the failure being us.

But that is not so, particularly not of you Lillis. You come over as a seriously complete and compelling person to me, and I'd love you to believe that of yourself. 

Quote from: TanyaG on May 24, 2025, 04:49:27 AMIf a relationship fails, particularly a crucial early one, our confidence can take a massive hit because we haven't built it up enough at that stage to survive the gamble (if you like) which lies at the hear of any relationship.

QuoteIn that case, a relationship not working out can make us feel all relationships will fail to work out, the common factor in the failure being us.

QuoteBut that is not so, particularly not of you Lillis. You come over as a seriously complete and compelling person to me, and I'd love you to believe that of yourself. 

This is such a thoughtful and deeply grounding reflection, Tanya.

You named something I've quietly carried for so long, the fear that maybe the common thread in my heartbreaks was me.

But the way you spoke to it, with so much clarity and compassion, offered me a new frame to hold it in.

I'm tucking this reframing into my little inner toolbox, to help me keep rebuilding that courage, piece by piece, heartbeat by heartbeat.

And thank you, Tanya, for seeing me as someone whole and compelling.

That reflection means more than I can say.

I'm ready for Tuesday! 🙂

With love,

~ Lilis 🫂💗

Quote from: Sephirah on May 23, 2025, 01:52:04 PMNervous doesn't even come remotely close to describing how I felt. I was terrified. Like absurd, rabbit-caught-in-headlights levels of sheer mortification. My mouth felt full of sand and I wasn't sure I would be able to form coherent sentences. I'm not even sure I did, lol. I think I just babbled something that sounded vaguely intelligible and she pieced it together... somehow.

Her words to me were, and I quote: "I see boobies in my future, so it's all good!"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I did both at the same time

Hey Lauren,

As the time draws near, I find myself feeling some of those same symptoms, heart racing, brain fog, and a surreal mix of excitement and fear, especially when I start thinking about chivalry.

I'm navigating many "firsts" on this beautiful, sometimes bewildering journey.

One of those firsts is happening today!

I'm going on my first date with a beautiful woman.

Her name is Ra.(Not real name)

She's kind, inclusive, and affirming. I'm thrilled... and also nervously full of questions I never thought I'd be asking from this side of things.

I've spent years socialized as male, and I'm still learning how to show up as a woman in queer dating spaces.

What does chivalry look like when two women are on a date? What's expected, or even wanted?

As our meeting approaches, I find myself wondering: 🤔💭

Who holds the door?

Who offers to pay, or asks if the other wants a drink?

Should I pull out her chair, or would that feel awkward or presumptuous?

Are there unspoken codes between queer women I should be aware of?

Can I still express my femininity and be the one to offer small gestures like opening the door or guiding us through the space?

To be honest, I'm a bit confused,and maybe a little self-conscious. I want to be respectful, caring, and present.

But I also don't want to accidentally fall into outdated gender roles or make assumptions based on how I used to navigate the world before my transition.

I'd love to hear from others who have experience with queer dating.

How have you navigated things like this?
What have you learned about care, mutual attentiveness, and emotional presence in your relationships?

Thank you for holding space for me to process this.

I don't have much time, our date is in less than 10 hours!

But no matter how it goes, I'm growing, I'm learning, and I'm so grateful to be doing it with the support of this community.

Warmly,

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:59:39 AMWho holds the door?

This is where it depends on what your definition of trans is, Lillis! If you have exclusively feminine traits then chivalry isn't a thing, because it's so patriarchal. When two women approach a door, whoever reaches it first goes through first and stops it swinging shut for the second.

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:59:39 AMWho offers to pay, or asks if the other wants a drink?

Again, if you are feminine trait dominant, you share the cost.

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:59:39 AMShould I pull out her chair, or would that feel awkward or presumptuous?

Again, you sit in your own chairs, because with no gender barriers to negotiate, you are equals.

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:59:39 AMAre there unspoken codes between queer women I should be aware of?

This is case by case stuff, though I can DM you some extremely funny papers written about this! However, best not to pigeonhole her and just confess this is a new situation for you and you are on tenterhooks! Be honest and open.

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:59:39 AMCan I still express my femininity and be the one to offer small gestures like opening the door or guiding us through the space?

See above.

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:59:39 AMTo be honest, I'm a bit confused,and maybe a little self-conscious. I want to be respectful, caring, and present.

Be those things without laying the male scripting on top and you'll be fine, girl,

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:59:39 AMBut I also don't want to accidentally fall into outdated gender roles or make assumptions based on how I used to navigate the world before my transition.

Again, see above.

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:59:39 AMI'd love to hear from others who have experience with queer dating.

I've never employed male scripting or adopted a gendered role either way and it's never been a problem. I have dated queer women, but as man and if I've never had an issue, it's likely been because of that. Just stop yourself chaperoning her around and you'll be fine, darling.

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 04:29:09 AMJust stop yourself chaperoning her around and you'll be fine, darling.

ROFL! Thank you, Tanya!

Now I just have to keep myself from getting dolled up too early... but who am I kidding?

I'm a nervous wreck over here!  ;D


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 04:45:59 AMNow I just have to keep myself from getting dolled up too early... but who am I kidding?

Don't forget she's probably a nervous wreck too and is probably asking herself the same questions and already eyeing her wardrobe!

It was a long time ago now, but when I was eighteen I was asked if I'd ever thought of asking a girl who remains one of the two most beautiful women I have ever seen for a date. I laughed so much I couldn't speak for at least a minute and when I got my voice back, I replied I would no more ask her out than I would another girl in our immediate circle, who made the pair. I just couldn't conceive either would see anything in me and so I said, 'Why would I put myself through the inevitable public rejection?' I honestly thought the person who asked me was being malicious and wanting to see me humiliated.

Within three months, I would be living with the first girl and when she went to America the other asked me out and I ended up living with her too. After that I quit worrying about what I thought other people thought of me. Do the same on this date.

You know, it's probably easier to say how excited you are to be on a date with her, but how your anxiety nearly boiled over because she sounded so lovely and you were anticipating meeting her so much. Tell her you tried everything in your wardrobe. Then you can say something like, 'I can't imagine you ever being as ditsy as that, you look so serene and collected.'

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 05:05:02 AMThen you can say something like, 'I can't imagine you ever being as ditsy as that, you look so serene and collected.'

But I'm wanting and expecting for her to do this and say it me.

I don't know, does that make sense?

Lol  ;D

Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 05:12:49 AMBut I'm wanting and expecting for her to do this and say it me.

If you move first, she'll likely make that response first and if she moves first, you'll make that response first. If you both wait for the other, neither of you will say it :-)

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 05:14:30 AMIf you move first, she'll likely make that response first and if she moves first, you'll make that response first. If you both wait for the other, neither of you will say it :-)

Hahaha, I'm going to paint my nails.

Thanks Tanya! 💗

~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:59:39 AMHey Lauren,

As the time draws near, I find myself feeling some of those same symptoms, heart racing, brain fog, and a surreal mix of excitement and fear, especially when I start thinking about chivalry.

I'm navigating many "firsts" on this beautiful, sometimes bewildering journey.

One of those firsts is happening today!

I'm going on my first date with a beautiful woman.

Her name is Ra.(Not real name)

She's kind, inclusive, and affirming. I'm thrilled... and also nervously full of questions I never thought I'd be asking from this side of things.

I've spent years socialized as male, and I'm still learning how to show up as a woman in queer dating spaces.

What does chivalry look like when two women are on a date? What's expected, or even wanted?

As our meeting approaches, I find myself wondering: 🤔💭

Who holds the door?

Who offers to pay, or asks if the other wants a drink?

Should I pull out her chair, or would that feel awkward or presumptuous?

Are there unspoken codes between queer women I should be aware of?

Can I still express my femininity and be the one to offer small gestures like opening the door or guiding us through the space?

To be honest, I'm a bit confused,and maybe a little self-conscious. I want to be respectful, caring, and present.

But I also don't want to accidentally fall into outdated gender roles or make assumptions based on how I used to navigate the world before my transition.

I'd love to hear from others who have experience with queer dating.

How have you navigated things like this?
What have you learned about care, mutual attentiveness, and emotional presence in your relationships?

Thank you for holding space for me to process this.

I don't have much time, our date is in less than 10 hours!

But no matter how it goes, I'm growing, I'm learning, and I'm so grateful to be doing it with the support of this community.

Warmly,

~ Lilis 💗

It's five hours until my date with Ra, and this is feeling extremely challenging.

My neck muscles are tense, my stomach's full of butterflies, and my knees feel weak.

It's like my gender is short-circuiting between male and female energies all at once.

What's going on here?

The only other time I've felt something like this was with a binary, heterosexual trans woman that I was getting to know before.

This swirling mix of anticipation, dysphoria, excitement, and fear, it's intense.

I honestly don't know if I can pull this off.

~ Lilis 🤕

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 07:11:01 AMIt's like my gender is short-circuiting between male and female energies all at once. What's going on here?

Without talking to you, I'd say you're experiencing symptoms of high arousal, triggered by anticipation and anxiety about how you'll come across to her. Some of the anxiety will be this is the first time you've been in the situation of dating as a woman with a woman and in your earlier posts, you're almost setting yourself up for imposter syndrome. Yet right up until this moment, you've come across as a very grounded, empathic, adult person and maybe you're forgetting that's whom she is going to see?

I've got all afternoon if you need it.

Over thinking again, relax and enjoy. Just be yourself and try not to "please". If there is chemistry it will happen. XX

Quote from: davina61 on May 27, 2025, 08:03:28 AMOver thinking again, relax and enjoy. Just be yourself and try not to "please". If there is chemistry it will happen. XX

☝️😀 What Davina Said!... You are gonna do great little sister! It is okay to give yourself permission to be nervous!... if you need to, tell Ra that it is your first female date and you are feeling anxious..she will totally understand and that way you don't feel you need to maintain a facade of not being nervous! I predict as soon as you both start talking... You will just be you and YOU is a beautiful thing to be!... All Shall Be Well 🤗

Onward Brave Girl!

A 💕

Do remember she won't have a window to see into your all your hopes and fears and that if she did, that she'd probably want to never to want to leave your side again anyway :)

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 07:40:42 AMWithout talking to you, I'd say you're experiencing symptoms of high arousal, triggered by anticipation and anxiety about how you'll come across to her.

QuoteSome of the anxiety will be this is the first time you've been in the situation of dating as a woman with a woman and in your earlier posts, you're almost setting yourself up for imposter syndrome.

QuoteYet right up until this moment, you've come across as a very grounded, empathic, adult person and maybe you're forgetting that's whom she is going to see?

@TanyaG Christ, I can hardly type and send this message... Tanya

Yes... How do I make it stop?

Thank you so much, @tgirlamg @Davina


~ Lilis 🤕

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 09:39:45 AM@TanyaG (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=69930) Christ, I can hardly type and send this message... Tanya
Yes... How do I make it stop?

Okay, first, is sit down, make a cup of weak tea or something that takes a bit to prepare, concentrate on that and slow your breathing right down.

Once you've got the drink prepared, sit down and let the tension out of you body - if you've got some favourite mood music, put that on. Now listen and clear your mind to concentrate on your breathing. Listen to it, feel it and be it. If you have an alarm, set it to go off after you've do nothing but that for three minutes.

Slow your breathing right down until you are taking long, deep breaths that fill your lungs and let each one out slowly again.

A few minutes of this and you should be good to start challenging each thought that's winding you up and shutting it down. Remind yourself this is something you can do and something you have done as you deal with each thought in turn. Also remind yourself that someone thousands of miles away across the ocean has the confidence in you to be there and you've never met them, so imagine how well you're going to go down with someone who does meet you.

The trick is to focus on breathing first and slow it down to stop a high respiratory rate making you feel more anxious of itself. Athletes do this before a race, as do racing drivers, it just works once you master it. Once there, you'll be in better shape to deal with the negative thoughts and the best way to do that is to challenge them. Learn to do this well and you'll be able to walk into an arena full of lions and leave them daring each other to take you on :)

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 09:57:05 AMLearn to do this well and you'll be able to walk into an arena full of lions and leave them daring each other to take you on :)

It's working...
Going in the shower.

But I don't think I can drive... booking a Uber before I get going...

Thanks again, Tanya! 💕


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 10:18:26 AMIt's working...
Going in the shower.

Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you and be open and honest with her, that's all you really need to do. Have confidence in yourself enough to tell her you had the heebies and with luck that'll likely turn her empathy on too. You can do the rest in your sleep, just be more interested in her than you are in you, don't turn down compliments, remember to return them and make her feel good without being pushy. You'll cruise it, darling.

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 10:18:26 AMIt's working...
Going in the shower.

But I don't think I can drive... booking a Uber before I get going...

Thanks again, Tanya! 💕


~ Lilis 💗

You got this Lilis.  💗 have a wonderful time hugs Annaliese

Started feeling really antsy and wired a little while ago and couldn't figure out why. Then I remembered it was your big occasion today, Lilis. So I'm just stopping by to give you a big hug and to hope it is going/did go well!

I'm sure it will go swimmingly!

*megahugs*

<3

Lilis, you've got this. We've all seen who you are, and you know who you are. Just be you, and she'll see it, too.

Try to enjoy the Now at every moment and don't let your mind carry you to future and past. Now is all you ever really have, so treasure it when you're with her. She will see you as the radiantly shining star that you are.

My calculation is Lilis is on her date now, so may the small gods of relationships cast their magic on her. Not, I think, that they have not already done that.

I love that Lilis's date is a part of our day for so many of us here.

Quote from: Pema on May 27, 2025, 03:37:54 PMI love that Lilis's date is a part of our day for so many of us here.

yes It is so much support

Quote from: Sephirah on May 23, 2025, 01:52:04 PMNervous doesn't even come remotely close to describing how I felt. I was terrified. Like absurd, rabbit-caught-in-headlights levels of sheer mortification. My mouth felt full of sand and I wasn't sure I would be able to form coherent sentences. I'm not even sure I did, lol.

QuoteI think I just babbled something that sounded vaguely intelligible and she pieced it together... somehow.

QuoteI didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I did both at the same time.

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 12:26:33 PMMy calculation is Lilis is on her date now, so may the small gods of relationships cast their magic on her. Not, I think, that they have not already done that.

I don't know how I lasted the full hour it was the longest hour of my life.

Somehow, despite all my awkwardness and short circuits, I ended up with a second date.

I don't even know how that happened maybe she saw the crash and burn in my eyes and thought it was cute... or maybe she just felt sorry for me.

Either way, it's happening.

I've been home for a couple of hours now, totally beat and still trying to process everything.

I feel raw, overwhelmed, and humbled... but also kind of proud that I showed up as myself even in all my messy, nervous, tender newness.

Thank you to everyone here who cheered me on and held space for my questions.

I truly don't think I would've had the courage to go through with it without this community.

With love,

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:54:35 PMI don't know how I lasted the full hour it was the longest hour of my life.

Somehow, despite all my awkwardness and short circuits, I ended up with a second date.

I don't even know how that happened maybe she saw the crash and burn in my eyes and thought it was cute... or maybe she just felt sorry for me.

Either way, it's happening.

I've been home for a couple of hours now, totally beat and still trying to process everything.

I feel raw, overwhelmed, and humbled... but also kind of proud that I showed up as myself even in all my messy, nervous, tender newness.

Thank you to everyone here who cheered me on and held space for my questions.

I truly don't think I would've had the courage to go through with it without this community.

With love,

~ Lilis 💗

that's because you are an amazing person Lilis and that's what she saw. Breathe now and know you are beautiful. Hugs 🫂 Annaliese

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:54:35 PMI don't know how I lasted the full hour it was the longest hour of my life. Somehow, despite all my awkwardness and short circuits, I ended up with a second date. I don't even know how that happened maybe she saw the crash and burn in my eyes and thought it was cute... or maybe she just felt sorry for me.

Now you're undermining yourself and that's forbidden :) Reframe it: despite you being nervous she liked you so much you're going out again. Centre that thought and sleep on it!

Quote from: TanyaG on May 27, 2025, 03:59:14 PMNow you're undermining yourself and that's forbidden :) Reframe it: despite you being nervous she liked you so much you're going out again. Centre that thought and sleep on

🫂🤕🐰💕💋

I'm going to get some rest!

Thanks everyone! 🫂💗

~ Lilis 🤕

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 03:54:35 PMSomehow, despite all my awkwardness and short circuits, I ended up with a second date.

I don't even know how that happened maybe she saw the crash and burn in my eyes and thought it was cute... or maybe she just felt sorry for me.

Or maybe, just maybe, the saw the kind, sweet, beautiful, warm, sensitive, vulnerable, heartfelt, and eminently lovable Lilis and thought "This girl is someone special."

My money's on that. <3

@Lilis 
Dear Lilis:
Very exciting to read your recap of your pre-date, date, and your post-date comments.
.... it obviously went well because you ended up with a 2nd date!!!!  :icon_flower:  :icon_dance:  :)

Reading your story about your date reminds me of some of the dates (described in my Hunted Prey BLOG) that I went on some years ago..... nervous on steroids was the way that I felt.   Then after that flurry of dates with guys, and gals.... I happily ended up with my sweetie Tooth Fairy.

I am wishing you success and happiness in these new experiences for you.

I am so very happy for you.... please keep your updates coming.

Many HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 04:06:17 PMI'm going to get some rest!

Thanks everyone! 🫂💗

~ Lilis 🤕

Quote from: Lilis on May 27, 2025, 04:06:17 PMI'm going to get some rest!

Thanks everyone! 🫂💗

~ Lilis 🤕

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 27, 2025, 06:05:30 PM@Lilis 
Dear Lilis:
Very exciting to read your recap of your pre-date, date, and your post-date comments.
.... it obviously went well because you ended up with a 2nd date!!!!  :icon_flower:  :icon_dance:  :)

Thank you Danielle! 💗

QuoteReading your story about your date reminds me of some of the dates (described in my Hunted Prey BLOG) that I went on some years ago..... nervous on steroids was the way that I felt.

I love your blog! I've been quietly reading through it, and currently on page 4, but with around 90 more to go, I'm in for a real treat.

QuoteThen after that flurry of dates with guys, and gals.... I happily ended up with my sweetie Tooth Fairy.

Oh no, I'm going to pretend I didn't read that part! I just bought a gigantic bag of popcorn and now I have to keep going!  🫣

QuoteI am wishing you success and happiness in these new experiences for you.

I am so very happy for you.... please keep your updates coming.

Thank you so much, Danielle! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

Well done, darling, you did it!

Now we've got a really great opportunity for you to look back on what you did well in the build up to the date, how she reacted to you and how you reacted to her, and where your self-confidence is at after.

One goal I'd throw in as a possible is this: what are your aims for how you should manage your feelings before, during and after a date and what do you think should be the foundation those aims are built on?

See the universe is on your side, go with the flow my dear as the probability's are endless. 

Quote from: TanyaG on May 28, 2025, 02:13:44 AMWell done, darling, you did it!

Now we've got a really great opportunity for you to look back on what you did well in the build up to the date, how she reacted to you and how you reacted to her, and where your self-confidence is at after.

One goal I'd throw in as a possible is this: what are your aims for how you should manage your feelings before, during and after a date and what do you think should be the foundation those aims are built on?

Tanya, thank you for recognizing the emotional weight and courage it took for me to show up, especially considering the nerves and self-doubt I felt going into this date. 🫂💞🐰

Looking back, I think my emotional preparation was a little shaky. As for how I presented myself, I dressed more like a butch or stem lesbian, lol (Lesbian sisters and mods, if I'm using the wrong terms please correct me, as I don't intend to offend anyone, and excuse me for my ignorance, I am still rather new at this experience). She's more of a femme lesbian, so I think it ended up being a nice contrast and balance. But in terms of presence... I was kind of off. My mind wandered a lot during our time together, I was caught up in my own performance, expectations, and wondering how others perceived us as a couple when we walked from the LGBTQ center into the "real world."

That's definitely something I want to work on.

When it comes to emotional attunement and mutual energy, there were moments where something I said made her laugh, and her smile lit up like sunlight breaking through a cloudy day. I tried to keep my voice soft and low to stay within a more feminine range. I'm not sure I succeeded, but the fact that she kept leaning in gave me a little boost of confidence each time, lol. Every time she smiled, laughed, or leaned closer, I felt myself becoming just a bit more at ease.

There's definitely been a boost in confidence and self-worth. The honesty of not having to wear any masks around her, not pretending to be a femme lesbian, not pretending to be perfect, was incredibly freeing.

That alone felt amazing.

You're right! I do need to work on how I manage my emotions before, during, and after dates. I'm thinking about incorporating journaling and using some of the tools I've picked up over time to help prepare more mindfully next time.

Still lots of work to do, but I'm proud of the steps I've taken so far.

Quote from: davina61 on May 28, 2025, 03:07:50 AMSee the universe is on your side, go with the flow my dear as the probability's are endless.

Thank you so much, Davina! 💞



Warmly,

~ Lilis 💗

Lilis, it's a beautiful beginning to a new aspect of your life. That you feel positively about it now, that you have a second date, that it's given you confidence... It's all wonderful.

We are blessed to have you share all of it with us. It shows so many of us that there is good reason to make the effort to overcome all the obstacles to becoming our whole selves.

Quote from: Pema on May 28, 2025, 10:59:12 AMLilis, it's a beautiful beginning to a new aspect of your life. That you feel positively about it now, that you have a second date, that it's given you confidence... It's all wonderful.

We are blessed to have you share all of it with us. It shows so many of us that there is good reason to make the effort to overcome all the obstacles to becoming our whole selves.

Thank you so much, Pema, for your kind words.

I'm grateful that my story could offer even a bit of light or inspiration, specially knowing how many of us are still finding our way through transitions, challenges, and awakenings.

I also want to thank you for the way you so openly and generously share your own journey. Your story also brings clarity, hope, and warmth to this space, and it means so much.

It's a blessing to walk alongside you on this path too. 💗

Thank You,

~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 28, 2025, 10:39:59 AM...the fact that she kept leaning in gave me a little boost of confidence each time, lol. Every time she smiled, laughed, or leaned closer, I felt myself becoming just a bit more at ease.

Things like this are what you need to pick up on because they'll boost your confidence! You've still got a tendency to spectate - do you think that might be why you're tending to drop into a role? As in the 'butch lesbian'? At a guess she may be there to meet you, not someone you think she might want to meet?

You did just great, but finding the spring of self-confidence relies on accepting people like you just as you are. Look at how well you did managing your anxiety, that was huge!

Quote from: TanyaG on May 28, 2025, 12:15:01 PMYou've still got a tendency to spectate - do you think that might be why you're tending to drop into a role? As in the 'butch lesbian'? At a guess she may be there to meet you, not someone you think she might want to meet.

That's such a deep question, Tanya.

But to be honest, it wasn't really about her, the choice to present that way came more from within me, from how I've been weighing my own physical feminization progress with GAHT.

Like you insightfully noted, I was observing myself from the outside, trying to gauge where I am in my feminization process.

While there has definitely been some feminization physical progress, I still feel there's more room to grow, something my provider and I actually discussed in our last session.

I think as my physical transition continues to feminize and align more closely with how I feel inside, the need to shapeshift or step into roles will begin to fade away.


Thank you for these well thought out questions.

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 28, 2025, 12:54:33 PMI think as my physical transition continues to feminize and align more closely with how I feel inside, the need to shapeshift or step into roles will begin to fade away.

That's fab, I love how this is working out for you. May any clouds in your sky always be small, fluffy and cute :)

Quote from: Lilis on May 28, 2025, 10:39:59 AMTanya, thank you for recognizing the emotional weight and courage it took for me to show up, especially considering the nerves and self-doubt I felt going into this date. 🫂💞🐰

Looking back, I think my emotional preparation was a little shaky. As for how I presented myself, I dressed more like a butch or stem lesbian, lol (Lesbian sisters and mods, if I'm using the wrong terms please correct me, as I don't intend to offend anyone, and excuse me for my ignorance, I am still rather new at this experience). She's more of a femme lesbian, so I think it ended up being a nice contrast and balance. But in terms of presence... I was kind of off. My mind wandered a lot during our time together, I was caught up in my own performance, expectations, and wondering how others perceived us as a couple when we walked from the LGBTQ center into the "real world."

That's definitely something I want to work on.

When it comes to emotional attunement and mutual energy, there were moments where something I said made her laugh, and her smile lit up like sunlight breaking through a cloudy day. I tried to keep my voice soft and low to stay within a more feminine range. I'm not sure I succeeded, but the fact that she kept leaning in gave me a little boost of confidence each time, lol. Every time she smiled, laughed, or leaned closer, I felt myself becoming just a bit more at ease.

There's definitely been a boost in confidence and self-worth. The honesty of not having to wear any masks around her, not pretending to be a femme lesbian, not pretending to be perfect, was incredibly freeing.

That alone felt amazing.

You're right! I do need to work on how I manage my emotions before, during, and after dates. I'm thinking about incorporating journaling and using some of the tools I've picked up over time to help prepare more mindfully next time.

Still lots of work to do, but I'm proud of the steps I've taken so far.

I literally don't understand any of this, lol. The technical "Jane's Manual" on how to do stuff. I am just proud of you, Lilis. You've come such a long way. You've become someone you never thought you could be. From that fragile... unsure girl who felt safe hiding herself... you are someone so much more. You've seen the light you have, and embraced it. And other people have seen it, too. That makes me happier than you can imagine because I cannot think of good things happening to anyone better. You are the angel who sits on others' shoulders. You deserve an angel sitting on yours.

Outside of all the therapy stuff, I'd just like to give you a quote from the movie "Field of dreams":

"If you build it, they will come."

<3

You deserve this, Lilis. You deserve to be happy, and loved. And cared for. The way you love and care for others. The universe has a strange way of making that happen.

*giant hugs*
'
Your fangirl,

Lauren. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 05:36:05 PMI literally don't understand any of this, lol. The technical "Jane's Manual" on how to do stuff.

Lol, neither do I,  am just trying to make sense of Tanya's wisdom and knowledge.  ;D

QuoteI am just proud of you, Lilis. You've come such a long way. You've become someone you never thought you could be. From that fragile... unsure girl who felt safe hiding herself... you are someone so much more.

You remembered! 🥰 💞💋

QuoteYou've seen the light you have, and embraced it. And other people have seen it, too. That makes me happier than you can imagine because I cannot think of good things happening to anyone better. You are the angel who sits on others' shoulders. You deserve an angel sitting on yours.

Thank you so much, Lauren! 💕

QuoteOutside of all the therapy stuff, I'd just like to give you a quote from the movie "Field of dreams":

"If you build it, they will come."

<3

You deserve this, Lilis. You deserve to be happy, and loved. And cared for. The way you love and care for others. The universe has a strange way of making that happen.

*giant hugs*
'
Your fangirl,

Lauren. <3

Thank you, giant hugs and kisses to you too, Lauren!

~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 29, 2025, 05:49:05 PMYou remembered! 🥰 💞💋

Of course I did, Lilis. Seeing you come out of your shell was one of the highlights of my year. And I am sorry for pushing you but girl, look at you now. You take my breath away. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 06:01:09 PMOf course I did, Lilis. Seeing you come out of your shell was one of the highlights of my year. And I am sorry for pushing you but girl, look at you now. You take my breath away. <3

Thank you, Lauren! 🫂


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 29, 2025, 06:03:06 PMThank you, Lauren! 🫂


~ Lilis 💗

No, thank you, Lilis. You are one of those people who pays things forward. I've been here a long time. A lot of folks take what they need, and move on. You are not like that. You give back to people. It's too easy to get to where you want to be and think "I don't need this anymore. See ya!".

You are not that person. You live and learn and try to help others live and learn. That is a very rare and precious gift. And I thank you for that. Because this place needs people like you. People like Tanya, and Lori. and Ashley. People who go through stuff and help other people going through stuff. This place could not function without people like you, Lilis. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on May 29, 2025, 06:44:13 PMBecause this place needs people like you. People like Tanya, and Lori. and Ashley. People who go through stuff and help other people going through stuff.

Like Sephirah Too!!! 💕🤗💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 29, 2025, 06:58:14 PMLike Sephirah Too!!! 💕🤗💕

I mean maybe in a small way. But you have inspired me more than you probably will ever know, Ash. You are the angel on the shoulder that I always aspired to be. What you do, and who you are, always leaves me amazed and inspired to be better. And it's the same with so many people here. I am no one special... anything I do is built on the shoulders of giants, as it were.

I thank you, sweetie, but... I can only ever help people feel good. You folks make them feel whole. That's an entirely different thing. And something I'm eternally grateful for. You can guide people in ways I never will. I can help people feel okay to take another step. You all can show what step to take.

I am eternally grateful for that. And for you. All of you.

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 29, 2025, 06:58:14 PMLike Sephirah Too!!! 💕🤗💕

Exactly This! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 29, 2025, 07:09:18 PMExactly This! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

Nooo! Like Lilis, and Ashley, and Tanya, and Lori, Sarah, and Annika, and Annaliese, and Alana, and Danielle, and Devlyn and gosh... like everyone else here... all of you folks are inspirational. Far more than you ever think you are.

*hides in a corner*

I am the whisper on the wind. You are the people who drive the change in this world. Gandhi would be proud. <3

Quote from: Lilis on May 09, 2025, 09:44:43 PMI received a call today from the law firm's office... they're ready to get the ball rolling on the documentation for my name change and just need a few personal details to move forward.

The only ID they're not handling at the moment is the passport, due to the current political climate.

That's okay, though... I don't have any plans to travel internationally anytime soon.

We're scheduled to meet in June to finalize everything before they submit the paperwork to the court on June 10th.

Funny enough, June 10th, 2024 was also the day I began my GAHT journey.

It's like June 10th is becoming my new birthday. 🎂🎈

And honestly, I'm a bit tired of stretching myself thin doing everything DIY..  so I'm treating myself to some hired help on this one.

~ Lilis 💗

(https://i.imgur.com/M1LZPoI.png)
All parties have completed Complete
with Docusign: Retainer English
Name Change.pdf.

~ Lilis 💗

You are on your way!

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 29, 2025, 10:08:46 PMYou are on your way!

Thank you, Lori! 💗

Next we will submit it to the Courts. 🙏


~ Lilis 🫂

*massive hugs*

So proud of you, Lilis. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on May 30, 2025, 04:57:24 AM*massive hugs*

So proud of you, Lilis. <3

Thank you so much, Lauren! 💞

This place feels magical, like a dream come true. 💭

From my very first dose of GAHT to now, legally changing my name and finally laying his name to rest... it's surreal.

I'm literally typing this with tears in my eyes. Sorry, just feeling it all. 🥹

I'm beyond grateful for this website, the forums, this community, and every single person who contributes to it.

Yes, some voices shine louder than others, and some remain silent for a long time, but I thank all of you.

If it weren't for everyone here at Susan's Place, I would never have known where to begin, let alone how to navigate this journey on my own.

Susan's Place has been a guiding light for me, and I will be forever grateful.

There are too many names to list, but I know you know who you are, even those who are no longer active, or who never replied, yet whose stories I quietly read.

You've all helped me become who I am today, and as this journey continues to unfold to become who I always have been.

With all my heart.


Thank You!

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on May 30, 2025, 05:27:07 AMIf it weren't for everyone here at Susan's Place, I would never have known where to begin, let alone how to navigate this journey on my own.

May everyone's journey be as rewarding as your own and may others find yours a guiding light.

Quote from: TanyaG on May 30, 2025, 05:38:00 AMMay everyone's journey be as rewarding as your own and may others find yours a guiding light.

@Lilis you definitely will be a guiging light for many. And I only hope as I'm sure many of us do that we all remain steadfast as you and many others have in their confidence in their path forward. Much 💖 to you. Annaliese

Quote from: Lilis on May 30, 2025, 05:27:07 AMThank you so much, Lauren! 💞

This place feels magical, like a dream come true. 💭

From my very first dose of GAHT to now, legally changing my name and finally laying his name to rest... it's surreal.

I'm literally typing this with tears in my eyes. Sorry, just feeling it all. 🥹

I'm beyond grateful for this website, the forums, this community, and every single person who contributes to it.

Yes, some voices shine louder than others, and some remain silent for a long time, but I thank all of you.

If it weren't for everyone here at Susan's Place, I would never have known where to begin, let alone how to navigate this journey on my own.

Susan's Place has been a guiding light for me, and I will be forever grateful.

There are too many names to list, but I know you know who you are, even those who are no longer active, or who never replied, yet whose stories I quietly read.

You've all helped me become who I am today, and as this journey continues to unfold to become who I always have been.

With all my heart.


Thank You!

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: TanyaG on May 30, 2025, 05:38:00 AMMay everyone's journey be as rewarding as your own and may others find yours a guiding light.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 30, 2025, 05:49:56 AM@Lilis you definitely will be a guiging light for many. And I only hope as I'm sure many of us do that we all remain steadfast as you and many others have in their confidence in their path forward. Much 💖 to you. Annaliese

Thank you so much, Tanya and Annaliese! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

Lilis, you are someone special. You are someone very rare in this world. A lot of people take what they need and move on. You are not that person. You absorb everything around you, and it makes you stronger. Then you use that strength to make people around you stronger.

You are the person more people should be. You are the person the world would be a better place if more people were like you. You are gentle yet strong. Kind and supportive. The kind of person everyone needs in their life, even if they don't realise it.

Everything you have, sweetie... comes from inside you. Sometimes we need a nudge to see it. But once you do, there's no stopping you. And I am immensely proud and glad to be able to be a small step on your journey to be you, Lilis. You are amazing. And beautiful. I am glad more people are seeing it. You deserve it. The most fragile things are often the most beautiful. Partly because of that fragility.

Quote from: Sephirah on May 30, 2025, 06:40:52 PMLilis, you are someone special. You are someone very rare in this world. A lot of people take what they need and move on. You are not that person. You absorb everything around you, and it makes you stronger. Then you use that strength to make people around you stronger.

You are the person more people should be. You are the person the world would be a better place if more people were like you. You are gentle yet strong. Kind and supportive. The kind of person everyone needs in their life, even if they don't realise it.

Everything you have, sweetie... comes from inside you. Sometimes we need a nudge to see it. But once you do, there's no stopping you. And I am immensely proud and glad to be able to be a small step on your journey to be you, Lilis. You are amazing. And beautiful. I am glad more people are seeing it. You deserve it. The most fragile things are often the most beautiful. Partly because of that fragility.

Thank you so much, Lauren!

Big smile and blushing again... ☺️

Muah 💋💗


Big Hugs,

~ Lilis 🫂

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
Your Blog Thread "Lilis Unveiled" is a joy for me to read... not only your comments and thoughts
but also the positive reply comments from your readers.

You have a firm handle on your transition journey and will undoubtedly be successful as you
continue on in your life endeavors.

      You have entered the following on your profile: 
                        Custom Title:  Becoming Me
                        Personal text:  Becoming isn't easy, it's beautiful.

Happiness and success are yours, don't doubt it and don't let it go. 
Always continue forward with positive thoughts regarding your life. ❤️❤️❤️

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 31, 2025, 01:56:20 AM@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
Your Blog Thread "Lilis Unveiled" is a joy for me to read... not only your comments and thoughts
but also the positive reply comments from your readers.

You have a firm handle on your transition journey and will undoubtedly be successful as you
continue on in your life endeavors.

      You have entered the following on your profile: 
                        Custom Title:  Becoming Me
                        Personal text:  Becoming isn't easy, it's beautiful.

Happiness and success are yours, don't doubt it and don't let it go. 
Always continue forward with positive thoughts regarding your life. ❤️❤️❤️

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

It's happening, I'm still in shock, please don't wake me up.

Big hug to all the readers and those who add to my blog, puts a huge smile on my face to read your joy! 🫂


I love you Danielle! 💓


Thank You!
~ Lilis 💕🎉

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
I am certain that you realize that you have been a contributing member here on
the Susan's Place Forum for almost 13 months... since May 5, 2024 and your first
posting was your introduction 3 days later on May 8th.

You have become an integral part of many conversations here on the Forum...
...consider this your HOME away from home. 
The Forum is a better place with your presence.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 31, 2025, 02:31:38 AM@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
I am certain that you realize that you have been a contributing member here on
the Susan's Place Forum for almost 13 months... since May 5, 2024 and your first
posting was your introduction 3 days later on May 8th.

You have become an integral part of many conversations here on the Forum...
...consider this your HOME away from home. 
The Forum is a better place with your presence.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Danielle, wow... I'm out of words, thank you so much!

Susan's Place has been a lifeline for me over this past year. The wisdom, and solidarity I've found here, especially from you and many others, (I'm afraid to list names because they are so many and I don't want to leave anyone out) have helped me grow in ways I never imagined.

I'm grateful to be part of this space, and I'm so honored to walk this journey alongside all of you.

Thank you for recognizing that this is my home away from home.

I appreciate you! 💓

~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on May 09, 2025, 09:44:43 PMI received a call today from the law firm's office... they're ready to get the ball rolling on the documentation for my name change and just need a few personal details to move forward.

The only ID they're not handling at the moment is the passport, due to the current political climate.

That's okay, though... I don't have any plans to travel internationally anytime soon.

QuoteWe're scheduled to meet in June to finalize everything before they submit the paperwork to the court on June 10th.

QuoteFunny enough, June 10th, 2024 was also the day I began my GAHT journey.

It's like June 10th is becoming my new birthday. 🎂🎈

Today marks my official one-year anniversary since starting Gender Affirming Hormone Therapy (GAHT).

And this afternoon at 2 PM, I have a meeting with the law firm to finalize my name change documents before submitting them to the courts.

A monumental day for us.

Below are some AI-generated images created with a face-editing app, not exactly me, but based on the real me.

A glimpse of the woman... (Little Girl) within, brought closer to the surface. 💫

Happy Birthday, baby girl. 🎂🎈👶🌷

(https://i.imgur.com/jyto7Ks.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/QKwmZk9.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/wWiPCjq.jpeg)

~ Lilis 💓

I tried a faceap, nothing changed!!!

Happy Anniversary, Lilis!

Quote from: Lilis on June 10, 2025, 12:24:01 AMAnd this afternoon at 2 PM, I have a meeting with the law firm to finalize my name change documents before submitting them to the courts. A monumental day for us.

Go girl!

Hi Lilis,


I wish you a very pleasant day on your anniversary day plus one!

Hugs,

Chrissy

Quote from: Lilis on June 10, 2025, 12:24:01 AMToday marks my official one-year anniversary since starting Gender Affirming Hormone Therapy (GAHT).

And this afternoon at 2 PM, I have a meeting with the law firm to finalize my name change documents before submitting them to the courts.

A monumental day for us.

Below are some AI-generated images created with a face-editing app, not exactly me, but based on the real me.

A glimpse of the woman... (Little Girl) within, brought closer to the surface. 💫

Happy Birthday, baby girl. 🎂🎈👶🌷

(https://i.imgur.com/jyto7Ks.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/QKwmZk9.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/wWiPCjq.jpeg)

~ Lilis 💓

Lilis, you are so amazing. Happy Anniversary 🎉. You definitely inspire me. May you always walk with confidence. 🤗 Annaliese

🎊🎉🎉💕Happy Anniversary Sister!!! 💕🎉🎊

A year to be proud of indeed!!! 💕🤗💕

Hugs!

A💕

Congratulations, Lilis! You've made extraordinary progress in that year, and you've shown us your unique and beautiful way of becoming you. I look forward to watching you blossom further in the years to come.

Quote from: Lilis on June 10, 2025, 12:24:01 AMA glimpse of the woman... (Little Girl) within, brought closer to the surface. 💫

Happy Anniversary, Lilis! And happy birthday to the little girl you've nurtured and comforted throughout this beautiful journey.

Quote from: davina61 on June 10, 2025, 03:33:26 AMI tried a faceap, nothing changed!!!

Hmm, Davina, that's odd.

Are you using the Pro version of FaceApp?

I'm currently on the free 7-day trial, so I'm not sure if the filters are different between the free and paid versions.

If you haven't subscribed yet, try activating the free trial instead, it gives you access to the age → child filter, which is what I used.

After applying that filter, you can play around with other features like hairstyles, glasses, and more to really see the transformation.

Hope that helps!


~ Lilis 💓

Quote from: Lori Dee on June 10, 2025, 06:59:25 AMHappy Anniversary, Lilis!

Quote from: TanyaG on June 10, 2025, 07:05:36 AMGo girl!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on June 10, 2025, 07:10:01 AMHi Lilis,


I wish you a very pleasant day on your anniversary day plus one!

Hugs,

Chrissy

Quote from: Annaliese on June 10, 2025, 07:24:48 AMLilis, you are so amazing. Happy Anniversary 🎉. You definitely inspire me. May you always walk with confidence. 🤗 Annaliese

Quote from: tgirlamg on June 10, 2025, 09:01:37 AM🎊🎉🎉💕Happy Anniversary Sister!!! 💕🎉🎊

A year to be proud of indeed!!! 💕🤗💕

Hugs!

A💕

Quote from: Pema on June 10, 2025, 11:02:33 AMCongratulations, Lilis! You've made extraordinary progress in that year, and you've shown us your unique and beautiful way of becoming you. I look forward to watching you blossom further in the years to come.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on June 10, 2025, 11:49:13 AMHappy Anniversary, Lilis! And happy birthday to the little girl you've nurtured and comforted throughout this beautiful journey.

Thank you so so much, everyone! 💓🌷


~ Lilis 🫂

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
All of us that are your readers and followers here on the Forum are so very happy for you
making it to the celebrated ONE YEAR anniversary of the beginning of your HRT. 
Enjoy the progress that you are making and thank you for keeping all of us updated.

There is more for you as you continue on in your journey.

Wishing you the best in what is to come for you. ❤️❤️❤️

Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on June 10, 2025, 03:45:37 PM@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
All of us that are your readers and followers here on the Forum are so very happy for you
making it to the celebrated ONE YEAR anniversary of the beginning of your HRT. 
Enjoy the progress that you are making and thank you for keeping all of us updated.

There is more for you as you continue on in your journey.

Wishing you the best in what is to come for you. ❤️❤️❤️

Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thank you so much, Danielle! 💓🌷

If you look at my avatar I am a dead ringer for my female cousin and that is from mum and auntie.

Quote from: davina61 on June 11, 2025, 02:39:19 AMIf you look at my avatar I am a dead ringer for my female cousin and that is from mum and auntie.

Wow, Davina! Your resemblance to your cousin looks like a beautiful connection.

It's clear mum and auntie passed down something special, both in looks and, I imagine, in spirit too. 💓🌷

~ Lilis 💞

I am guessing this app kept your eyes pretty much as they are. In which case, you have the kindest, warmest, gentlest, beautiful, most sincere soul there is. I don't really pay too much attention beyond that. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on June 12, 2025, 02:37:46 PMI am guessing this app kept your eyes pretty much as they are.

That's pretty accurate! 🔮

My younger sister and my lesbian niece actually have the same face and eyes as me... so much so that I never had to introduce my sister at big gatherings.

People would just say, "Oh, we already know she's your sister," and when I'd ask how, they'd say, "Because you two look exactly alike."

As for my niece, people often mistake her for my daughter!

QuoteIn which case, you have the kindest, warmest, gentlest, beautiful, most sincere soul there is.

Lauren, you always know what to say to make me blush! 😊

Thank you so much! 💋🌷


~ Lilis 🫣

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 19, 2025, 07:39:32 PMSome medications will do that.  ;D

Quote from: Lilis on April 19, 2025, 08:08:08 PMROFL! Freaking Spiro! 🤣

Quote from: Sarah B on April 19, 2025, 09:29:19 PMTake Depo Provera instead, that was what I was given.  No extra weeing.  After I had surgery Depo Provera was removed.

Quote from: Lilis on April 19, 2025, 09:58:35 PMI completely forgot about your earlier recommendation and didn't remember to bring it up with my provider during our last session.

There's to much happening all at once.  :eusa_wall:

Quote from: Annaliese on April 20, 2025, 10:50:01 AMI have been doing some research on anti androgens. I'm  still not sure what is good for me, of course it is what is recommended by my provider, but I would like to have an input. I was going to make a post on this. But as I saw this I couldn't find anything on Depo Provera. I was wondering what many of you think.

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 20, 2025, 12:08:50 PMIt may not be available in the U.S., but I don't know that for certain.

I tried Spiro and Finasteride, but they were ineffective and interfered with my other hormones. They work by affecting the 5a reductase enzyme, which affects testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, and other hormones. Instead, they switched me to Eligard (leuprolide), which is an injection I get once every 90 days. It blocks testosterone production at the source. I also take Casodex (bicalutamide) tablets once per day. That does not interfere with any hormones but blocks androgen receptors, so any testosterone in the system will have no effect.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 20, 2025, 12:31:13 PMI use finasteride.

Just dropping these collective mind clips about different T-blocker methods here, so I don't forget to discuss them if any of these can work for me during my upcoming follow-up with my provider on June 23rd.


~ Lilis ⚕️🩺🥼

Quote from: Lilis on Yesterday at 12:21:18 AMLauren, you always know what to say to make me blush! 😊

Thank you so much! 💋🌷


~ Lilis 🫣

Hah, sorry, sweetie. <3 I am always drawn to a person's eyes. Window to the soul and all that. Which begs a question... hmmm. They're something about a person that you can't really change. Your eyes are warm, and kind, and curious. Sometimes you get people who can physically shape themselves to what they think people want to see but nothing ever reaches their eyes. With you, it's the other way around. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 06:08:01 AMI am always drawn to a person's eyes. Window to the soul and all that.

QuoteWhich begs a question... hmmm. They're something about a person that you can't really change.

QuoteYour eyes are warm, and kind, and curious. Sometimes you get people who can physically shape themselves to what they think people want to see but nothing ever reaches their eyes.

QuoteWith you, it's the other way around. :)

Lauren, that's deep, and it touched my spirit!

You saw right into me, and you're right.

I've always felt that no matter where I've been on the outside, my soul's been waiting patiently inside to be seen... and you're one of the rare few who actually sees it.

And beyond just your words, I felt something else, the power of your discernment.

Not just emotional or intuitive, but something deeper. Something divine, mystic... or whatever you'd call it.

It stirred something in my spirit, like a resonance, a knowing.

Your presence carries that kind of clarity, and when it landed on me, it left an imprint.

And for someone as perceptive, as heartfelt, as you to see me like that, it means more than I can ever put into words.

Thank you for meeting me at the level of the soul.

~ Lilis 💓💋🌷

You're going to be okay, Lilis. When the truth comes from inside you, and the outside is an expression of that... you're going to be okay, honey. However scared you might feel sometimes... you can't not be seen. Your light is too bright, sweetie. This is nothing more that a feeling from a weird chick you don't even really know... but I get vibes from some people. Well... most people honestly, It's not about what you say or what you do. It's more than that. You're going to be okay. More than that... you're going to be the you that you never thought you could be. You're already on that path.

I am so proud of you. I haven't known you as long as I'd like, lol. But you're someone very special. You've come so far in a short space of time. And looking into your eyes... I can see why.

Keep going, Lilis. Never lose the light in those beautiful brown eyes. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 12:27:07 PMYou're going to be okay, Lilis. When the truth comes from inside you, and the outside is an expression of that... you're going to be okay, honey. However scared you might feel sometimes... you can't not be seen. Your light is too bright, sweetie. This is nothing more that a feeling from a weird chick you don't even really know... but I get vibes from some people. Well... most people honestly, It's not about what you say or what you do. It's more than that. You're going to be okay. More than that... you're going to be the you that you never thought you could be. You're already on that path.

I am so proud of you. I haven't known you as long as I'd like, lol. But you're someone very special. You've come so far in a short space of time. And looking into your eyes... I can see why.

Keep going, Lilis. Never lose the light in those beautiful brown eyes. <3

Lauren, your words are medicine. ⚕️

I feel seen and uplifted in ways I've never experienced before.

I want you to know that I treasure this connection. 🫂

I'm still unfolding and healing in many ways, so if I move slowly, it's not hesitation, it's reverence.

Thank you for seeing me and holding me so gently.

~ Lilis 💗

I am grateful to you, Lilis, and Lauren for sharing such a profound discussion with the forum. 'Seeing' and 'being seen' is such a sublime dynamic, more spiritual than perceptual and the way the two of you opened up your hearts for the rest of us to look inside was such a fragile gift. I'm going to say it again and this time I doubt I will take my back my words: I am blessed to have met people such as yourself and Lauren, and so many others, inside Susan's. I would not be who I am without you. Without all of you.

Lilis,


You seem so nice and over time I think you will simply have a lot of comfort and happiness.

There are many things that happen during transition that was and is hard for me to deal with over my journey to date.

Soooo... have a terrific weekend!

Chrissy

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on Today at 01:13:26 PMI am grateful to you, Lilis, and Lauren for sharing such a profound discussion with the forum.

Thank you so much, Annika, for witnessing Lauren and me so tenderly.

I believe the fragility of our sharing was held by the right hearts, yours among them.

~ Lilis 💓

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on Today at 01:31:04 PMLilis,


You seem so nice and over time I think you will simply have a lot of comfort and happiness.

Thank you so much, Chrissy! 💕🌷

You're seem nice too, I hope you have a terrific weekend as well.

Sending warmth and virtue hugs your way! 🫂

~ Lilis 💓