So I (57 MTF) am separating from my wife. Our home will be up for sale shortly. Not really what I want but I agree it's for the best.
Thing is my 20 y.o. son is back living with us having left uni early, but he often works late and I'm in bed. My wife stays up with him working. I'm a bit paranoid that she's poisoning him against me - but probably not. Today is his day off but he went up to his room after dinner. We had a great relationship when he was growing up, but I don't know how to relate to him now. Perhaps arrested development on my part, able to relate to kids but not awkward/silent/closed young adults. He said months ago he's fine with me transitioning, but he won't talk to me; I do try.
Just shouting into the ether I suppose, thinking WTAF am I doing. Losing so much it seems right now.
Maybe the HRT (day 4) will eventually help and I am in counselling for almost a year. I don't know what to do.
Quote from: sam-1311 on January 29, 2025, 05:10:41 PMSo I (57 MTF) am separating from my wife. Our home will be up for sale shortly. Not really what I want but I agree it's for the best.
Thing is my 20 y.o. son is back living with us having left uni early, but he often works late and I'm in bed. My wife stays up with him working. I'm a bit paranoid that she's poisoning him against me - but probably not. Today is his day off but he went up to his room after dinner. We had a great relationship when he was growing up, but I don't know how to relate to him now. Perhaps arrested development on my part, able to relate to kids but not awkward/silent/closed young adults. He said months ago he's fine with me transitioning, but he won't talk to me; I do try.
Just shouting into the ether I suppose, thinking WTAF am I doing. Losing so much it seems right now.
Maybe the HRT (day 4) will eventually help and I am in counselling for almost a year. I don't know what to do.
What you do is you let people be responsible for their own lives, sweetie.
I am not a religious person, but some quotes from the Manbeard book of life kind of have some truth to them.
"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"
Don't try to be responsible for how everyone else lives. Only how you live. Give others the freedom you want for yourself. If that means they want to forge their own path, so be it. That's not your responsibility.
Kids are kids. Moreso these days than ever. You'd have to be a YouTube anime girl talking about squirrels, in virtual reality, to get the modern generation engaged, lol. Which is extremely weird and creepy, and not at all what 80s sci-fi writers warned us about.
Thank you for sharing.
I think you know what to do, the problem is what do you want to do. You need to remember that you are not responsible for what others think. That is their issue to deal with. You just focus on doing what you need to do for you.
I have often told friends and family that I am on a path. I am walking slowly in a certain direction. They are welcome to walk with me, stay where they are, or go in a totally opposite direction. That is THEIR DECISION, not mine.
I feel for what you are going through. Many members here have been through it too. Everything that you desire lies just on the other side of fear. Find your path and stick to it. You will be surprised at how many people join you.
Hang in there.
I have two adult daughters. When I told them that I was going to transition, one of them began to cry. I asked her why, and she said that she was happy I had finally found the source of my anger. Our relationship improved quite a bit since then. The other daughter didn't have much of a reaction, but our relationship had been reasonably good for several years. My wife was also quite upset, but she eventually realized that I was becoming a better version of the person she fell in love with all those years ago. We are still together.
I think the key is just to give them space. Let them know you will answer any questions they may have, but don't be insistent. I think the longer someone has known you, the longer it may take for them to adjust. Unfortunately, not everyone will be accepting. Even family members may reject you. As long as you give them time and space, whatever decision they make is not about you, it's about how they see their world.
Separating from your wife could also be part of the issue. The family your son has known is changing radically, and that can be a stressful situation no matter how old they are. It may take years for the dust to settle. Gently keep your foot in the door, and let him know you are there for him.
Love always -- Jessica Rose
The sheer wisdom of people here never fails to amaze me.
Thank you eveyrone for replying. I was feeling blue yesterday and I've realised a few things: -
- I'm not going to move out of the family home (to rent) until the house is sold - I've done a budget!
- I need to try to build adult relationships with my sons; outings, trips, etc. It's my habit to sit back (out-of-sight, out-of-mind.
I feel better now.
Thanks,
Sam
Quote from: sam-1311 on January 30, 2025, 10:41:45 AMThank you eveyrone for replying. I was feeling blue yesterday and I've realised a few things: -
- I'm not going to move out of the family home (to rent) until the house is sold - I've done a budget!
- I need to try to build adult relationships with my sons; outings, trips, etc. It's my habit to sit back (out-of-sight, out-of-mind.
I feel better now.
Thanks,
Sam
That sounds like a great plan!