Hi everyone. I'm just curious if anyone has experienced what I am talking about? Personally I have. Some people don't accept it upfront and then there's others who initially accept it but then they change. Personally I have experienced both.
So how do you deal with it? Does it hurt you or are you just kind of "whatever" about it?
It used to sting a lot. Especially from those you thought were close.
I am now in the "whatever" category. I decided that I do not need negative people in my life. So, with tears in my eyes, I cut them loose. And over time, I have had no regrets. I only hope that someday their education will exceed their bigotry and they will want to come back. But I won't hold my breath waiting for that to happen.
Quote from: CosmicJoke on March 02, 2025, 05:22:42 PMPersonally I have. Some people don't accept it upfront and then there's others who initially accept it but then they change.
Recently, I lost a friend who initially accepted me but then changed. Strangely enough, the day she called to misgender me and tell me she no longer wanted me in her house or seen with her in public was the Tuesday following Donald Trump's initial Executive Orders. She also made it clear that she would never call me Lilis and would only refer to me by the name she had always known me by (Male_Name). On top of that, she told me she was a "real woman" and that I was not.
At the time, I was confused and hurt, unsure of how to react. Luckily, she hung up when she was finished, and thankfully, I had a session with my therapist the next day.
He told me it sounded like she had been suppressing these feelings ever since I first came out to her and that some things included in the executive orders may have influenced her to process them in a negative way. He also said that if she continued down this path, it would be best for us to part ways.
I haven't heard from her since.
It hurts, I've known her for over five years, but I understand there's nothing I can do to change her. I can only hope that someday she will come to a place of understanding.
QuotePersonally I have experienced both.
I haven't experienced both. I'm still under a year in my transition so it might happen further down the line. I guess time will tell.
~ Lilis
Quote from: CosmicJoke on March 02, 2025, 05:22:42 PMHi everyone. I'm just curious if anyone has experienced what I am talking about? Personally I have. Some people don't accept it upfront and then there's others who initially accept it but then they change. Personally I have experienced both.
So how do you deal with it? Does it hurt you or are you just kind of "whatever" about it?
Both situations are not good, that is for sure.
Quote from: Lilis on March 02, 2025, 08:36:19 PMRecently, I lost a friend who initially accepted me but then changed. Strangely enough, the day she called to misgender me and tell me she no longer wanted me in her house or seen with her in public was the Tuesday following Donald Trump's initial Executive Orders. She also made it clear that she would never call me Lilis and would only refer to me by the name she had always known me by (Male_Name). On top of that, she told me she was a "real woman" and that I was not.
At the time, I was confused and hurt, unsure of how to react. Luckily, she hung up when she was finished, and thankfully, I had a session with my therapist the next day.
He told me it sounded like she had been suppressing these feelings ever since I first came out to her and that some things included in the executive orders may have influenced her to process them in a negative way. He also said that if she continued down this path, it would be best for us to part ways.
I haven't heard from her since.
It hurts, I've known her for over five years, but I understand there's nothing I can do to change her. I can only hope that someday she will come to a place of understanding.
I haven't experienced both. I'm still under a year in my transition so it might happen further down the line. I guess time will tell.
~ Lilis
That totally stinks. I am so sorry you had this happen. The timing is odd, five years into your relationship.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Quote from: Lilis on March 02, 2025, 08:36:19 PMRecently, I lost a friend who initially accepted me but then changed. Strangely enough, the day she called to misgender me and tell me she no longer wanted me in her house or seen with her in public was the Tuesday following Donald Trump's initial Executive Orders. She also made it clear that she would never call me Lilis and would only refer to me by the name she had always known me by (Male_Name). On top of that, she told me she was a "real woman" and that I was not.
At the time, I was confused and hurt, unsure of how to react. Luckily, she hung up when she was finished, and thankfully, I had a session with my therapist the next day.
He told me it sounded like she had been suppressing these feelings ever since I first came out to her and that some things included in the executive orders may have influenced her to process them in a negative way. He also said that if she continued down this path, it would be best for us to part ways.
I haven't heard from her since.
It hurts, I've known her for over five years, but I understand there's nothing I can do to change her. I can only hope that someday she will come to a place of understanding.
I haven't experienced both. I'm still under a year in my transition so it might happen further down the line. I guess time will tell.
~ Lilis
Trump is definitely having an influence. In fact, I had a love interest for over 12 years. I was attracted to him and I think he was attracted to me. We just stayed in the friend zone but he became more conservative apparently. He was very accepting when I first met him.
Just yesterday I commented on some "political meme" he posted. Basically he was saying I was calling him something I didn't even call him. He also proceeded to tell me being transgender shouldn't be taught to children and women with male appendage shouldn't be in women's restrooms.
To make a long story short I blocked him. I don't agree with his current views.
Quote from: CosmicJoke on March 02, 2025, 09:17:29 PMTrump is definitely having an influence. In fact, I had a love interest for over 12 years. I was attracted to him and I think he was attracted to me. We just stayed in the friend zone but he became more conservative apparently. He was very accepting when I first met him.
Just yesterday I commented on some "political meme" he posted. Basically he was saying I was calling him something I didn't even call him. He also proceeded to tell me being transgender shouldn't be taught to children and women with male appendage shouldn't be in women's restrooms.
To make a long story short I blocked him. I don't agree with his current views.
Well a lot of people do change over time. Twelve years is a long time.
This particular change you mention is not good, it stinks.
So sorry this happened.
Hugs,
Chrissy
If people can't accept you for you, they aren't friends. In which case, it doesn't matter.
The short, snappy answer is that I never had any to lose. A consequence of growing up as a misfit, I guess.
Most of my "good acquaintances" in real life are in the theatre world. That community tends to be very LGBTQ+ friendly, so there has been no problem. There were a couple of actors with very church-y reputations, but they never gave me a hard time.
Same thing with neighbours. Either they have been accepting, or coolly polite.
There was one guy in the fire department who shook his head and said he "couldn't get his head around it", but the law and the necessity of teamwork in that environment kept him in line.
I tried to contact some of my old air force classmates and colleagues. The majority have, surprisingly, been very accepting in a way that they probably wouldn't have been back in the day. A few have been cool to the attempted contact, and I didn't push it.
At this point, I am long past coming out. I am out, I am me, take me or leave me. The prevailing ethos here in Canada, and especially in Nova Scotia, is that, if you don't know what to make of someone, be polite. That works pretty well. I have had no hostilities.
Politeness is always good.
Chrissy
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 08, 2025, 02:09:58 PMThe short, snappy answer is that I never had any to lose. A consequence of growing up as a misfit, I guess.
I find that hard to believe, Kathy. I've known you quite a long time. And you are someone very warn, very kind, very caring. You are wise, smart, funny, and gentle. If people didn't want to get to know you, it's their loss.
I tend to lose friends more because I'm just me, rather than anything to do with being trans, lol. I am very Jekyll and Hyde. People like the Jekyll, but can't deal with the Hyde. Which I totally understand. So I try to hide the Hyde... with mixed results. :P
The one and only person I lost because of my transition was also the person I love most in this world.....my daughter. I don't think that me being trans was the only reason she cut contact, but I think that had something to do with it. Her grandma and aunt were making fun of trans people and that really bothered her.
My brother said that he thinks she's just embarrassed to have a dad, who used to be the most manly person anyone every met, and now that dad is a woman. That's why she started pulling away from me. I haven't spoken to her in two years, three months, and two weeks....but who's counting.
The loss of her is the single most painful thing I've ever experienced and the pain has not lessened even one bit in all that time.
I lost my best friend. He was one of the funniest people I knew. He was also a racist homophobic transphobic snob. We were slowly drifting apart as he sneered at me for still living in our home town and still working in a factory in my 30s.He'd also become involved with the BNP an extremely right wing racist organisation
I didn't tell him of my transition we'd drifted apart by then. He died of alcohol problems several years ago. Only his wife children and sister attended the funeral.
I wish this would not ever happen for anyone.
I have heard that some people lose friends who are on far away from their side of the political/social belief spectrum, it is NOT specifically because you are transgender.
Regardless, it would be hard to lose friends or to stop socializing with them for that reason either. People should be able to talk politics without getting into fights. You can learn from each other and perhaps realize that you have thoughts in common as well as those they unpleasantly differ.
One can say if they want to stop associating with you that they are not your friends. Perhaps that is one way to look at it.
But if you had a long time relationship with them, maybe they are your friends that no longer wish to be friendly. It would be hard to lose these long time relationships.
But if it happens to you, you have to deal with it some way. Maybe you hope they will come around, even pray that they do. On the other hand, if they are treating you very badly now it may be better to avoid them unless they do come around. It has got to be a difficult situation.
I would think it would be exponentially worse if these other people are family members.
I wish none of us lose friends as they can be precious.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 09, 2025, 01:14:29 PMPeople should be able to talk politics without getting into fights. You can learn from each other and perhaps realize that you have thoughts in common as well as those they unpleasantly differ.
"A mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open."
Humans are tribal. It's been that way since the dawn of time. We only feel safe when we are part of a tribe. That's why there's so much hatred in the world.
Quote from: Sephirah on March 09, 2025, 02:59:39 PMHumans are tribal. It's been that way since the dawn of time. We only feel safe when we are part of a tribe. That's why there's so much hatred in the world.
I'm just the opposite. I feel safer on my own. Too often, "the tribe" has let me down or even turned on me. I'm better off without them. So, I adopted all of you as my new tribe. ;D