Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Alana Ashleigh on March 08, 2025, 09:57:24 PM

Title: Denial beard
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on March 08, 2025, 09:57:24 PM
I've had a beard since before I realized I was transgender. The last few weeks, it's really been giving me dysphoria. I don't know if it was from me making my hrt consultations but I took the beard clipper to it tonight. It feels freeing to take it off my face. 😌
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: she she on March 08, 2025, 11:16:59 PM
People you know may not recognize you now at first.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Tig58072 on March 09, 2025, 08:33:06 AM
Had a biker beard for years. Shaved legs, painted toenails, underwear, earrings and necklaces. Big secret. I don't look anything like my driver's license photo. I was in Menards the other day and the lady started questioning me when I showed her my ID because I don't look anything like my photo. And I'm under the radar so I have my hair covered with a bandana. People who know me still knew me however even when I was wearing a mask during COVID. Think the beard was just my way of giving society the finger because I couldn't have the hair I wanted. I don't miss it at all. Nobody's ever said anything about my smooth arms or my fingernails but my nail polish on them doesn't really stand out.
I have to renew my driver's license this summer. Been trying to figure out how to do that. I would like to take it with hair. Not sure how that one would work with the way things are right now. LOL my girlfriend and I both wore Victoria's Secret. I'm surprised she never said anything.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Lori Dee on March 09, 2025, 10:07:03 AM
I wore a beard as a form of camouflage. I never liked the way I looked without one because my face looked too feminine, which led to much physical abuse. I couldn't wear a beard in the Army, but I wore a moustache. On March 7th, 1990, I got my Honorable Discharge, and I stopped shaving. I wore a full beard until September 2017. In therapy, I discovered that the beard was my way of trying to fit in as a manly man. I have been trying to be rid of it ever since. Since electrolysis is not available here, I will have to wait until I get moved, but I will be rid of it.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 09, 2025, 10:17:07 AM
Beards are a no-go for me.  However, they can look right on some men. 

Not all men.  Not all beards. 


Not ever would it look right on a woman's face.

Women should never like "a man in a dress with a shadow of a beard."  Oh my, no.


Ah, those pesky whiskers.




Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Lori Dee on March 09, 2025, 10:53:17 AM
I read somewhere that facial hair is the Number One trigger of dysphoria in MtF transgender women. This is because it is on our face, so it is not easily hidden by clothing.

Except a few years ago when many people wore masks due to COVID.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: big kim on March 09, 2025, 11:32:46 AM
From late 1977 I tried to grow a beard as a disguise. I thought I looked to feminine without it. Trouble was I started going grey the year before  and had a dyed red joan jett  long shag hairdo. It looked awful with a black and  grey beard. I dyed my hair black but the beard never grew fully on my chin and what there was was grey! I kept the chin area shaved like Lemmy from Motor head for another  2 years then shaved it off. 
Thankfully  electrolysis saw it off.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 09, 2025, 11:45:34 AM
Let the guys wear the beards!
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: KathyLauren on March 09, 2025, 12:32:04 PM
I wore a camouflage beard before my egg cracked.  Examining the reason for it in hindsight, a big part of it was thinking that I shouldn't have to shave.  Which makes more sense as a girl than a guy.  It should have been a clue.

Once I was out to my wife and then my lesbian neighbour, my next priority was shaving it off.  It was early summer and seasonal beards are a thing here, so no one questioned the new clean look.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on March 09, 2025, 03:27:36 PM
I do the same thing. I wax all my body hair, have earrings, a navel piercing, paint my toenails, I have my eyebrows shaped femininely, I wear a bit of makeup, and perfume, and I'm growing my hair out. Nobody has ever said a thing. I'm amazed how oblivious people are. Side note: I love Victoria secret, it's one of my favorite stores since my egg cracked.


Quote from: Tig58072 on March 09, 2025, 08:33:06 AMHad a biker beard for years. Shaved legs, painted toenails, underwear, earrings and necklaces. Big secret. I don't look anything like my driver's license photo. I was in Menards the other day and the lady started questioning me when I showed her my ID because I don't look anything like my photo. And I'm under the radar so I have my hair covered with a bandana. People who know me still knew me however even when I was wearing a mask during COVID. Think the beard was just my way of giving society the finger because I couldn't have the hair I wanted. I don't miss it at all. Nobody's ever said anything about my smooth arms or my fingernails but my nail polish on them doesn't really stand out.
I have to renew my driver's license this summer. Been trying to figure out how to do that. I would like to take it with hair. Not sure how that one would work with the way things are right now. LOL my girlfriend and I both wore Victoria's Secret. I'm surprised she never said anything.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Sephirah on March 09, 2025, 05:23:17 PM
When you think about it... it makes a weird sort of sense. As you've eluded to... it hides your face. Granted it hides your face behind a wall of itchy, food-ridden unpleasantness... but I can very much understand this.

I do draw the line at moustaches though. I see no earthly reason for them. Other than to keep your upper lip warm, lol. And strain any sort of soupy foodstuff you might want to enjoy. ;D They always make me think of Windsor Davies...

(https://img.discogs.com/U47XK8ZFxS4ys1snAaI5-83dI5U=/600x600/smart/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/A-1229160-1598605269-6275.jpeg.jpg)

Alana, I suspect the change you've felt is from your desire to not want to hide anymore.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: big kim on March 09, 2025, 05:26:04 PM
QuoteWhen you think about it... it makes a weird sort of sense. As you've eluded to... it hides your face. Granted it hides your face behind a wall of itchy, food-ridden unpleasantness... but I can very much understand this.

I do draw the line at moustaches though. I see no earthly reason for them. Other than to keep your upper lip warm, lol. And strain any sort of soupy foodstuff you might want to enjoy. ;D They always make me think of Windsor Davies...

(https://img.discogs.com/U47XK8ZFxS4ys1snAaI5-83dI5U=/600x600/smart/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/A-1229160-1598605269-6275.jpeg.jpg)

Alana, I suspect the change you've felt is from your desire to not want to hide anymore.
I've been  a long time  Sam Elliott fan since seeing him in the  Legacy  in 1978. One of the few guys who look good with a tache
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: KathyLauren on March 09, 2025, 07:08:02 PM
Quote from: Sephirah on March 09, 2025, 05:23:17 PMI do draw the line at moustaches though. I see no earthly reason for them.

Cookie dusters.  A cookie-duster moustache was de rigeur when I was in the air force. 

Same thing when I joined the volunteer fire department.  I needed facial hair for my self-denial, but you can't wear a beard in a face mask - you don't get an adequate seal, so I shaved the beard but kept the 'stache.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: ChrissyRyan on March 09, 2025, 08:08:01 PM
I do not like hair on my face at all, except my hair that swings around to touch my cheeks.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on March 09, 2025, 09:27:29 PM
100 percent. I'm tired of hiding my true self. I've been noticed my mannerisms are changing. I catch myself swaying my hips when I'm walking, I sit trying taking up as little space as I can. I was ordering a pizza tonight, and I was speaking in a higher pitch. These things are happening without me thinking. My inner woman is coming out.

Quote from: Sephirah on March 09, 2025, 05:23:17 PMWhen you think about it... it makes a weird sort of sense. As you've eluded to... it hides your face. Granted it hides your face behind a wall of itchy, food-ridden unpleasantness... but I can very much understand this.

I do draw the line at moustaches though. I see no earthly reason for them. Other than to keep your upper lip warm, lol. And strain any sort of soupy foodstuff you might want to enjoy. ;D They always make me think of Windsor Davies...

(https://img.discogs.com/U47XK8ZFxS4ys1snAaI5-83dI5U=/600x600/smart/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/A-1229160-1598605269-6275.jpeg.jpg)

Alana, I suspect the change you've felt is from your desire to not want to hide anymore.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Maid Marion on March 09, 2025, 09:31:04 PM
When I had a beard it wasn't an effective disguise.
I male-failed numerous times.  ::)
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: D'Amalie on March 10, 2025, 07:58:33 AM
I wore a beard of and on for 40 years.  A denial mechanism certainly.  I recognized it as such, but like purging my wardrobe, unsuccessful except for fitting into the homophobic culture of the 70's, 80's, 90's, ...etc.

I really did try not to be femme.  Giving up on that is a reward in itself.

Stupid itchy things....
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Lori Dee on March 10, 2025, 11:39:26 AM
Quote from: D'Amalie on March 10, 2025, 07:58:33 AMStupid itchy things....

I know, right?

Why is everything so itchy and uncomfortable? Beards, clothes, etc.

I don't know if it is our inner self disagreeing with male presentation or is there some sort of cluelessness going on.  ;D
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: NancyDrew1930 on March 10, 2025, 01:45:20 PM
I never could grow a beard.  I tried a few times, but it only ended up very thin looking more like 5 o'clock shadow, even after a week and a half.  Plus, I wasn't really into it, since when I looked at other men with beards on double chins, i would think "If you are trying to hide your fat, it's just making you look fatter and not hiding anything."  Plus I found beards just made men look older than their years, and I liked how people thought that I was still in my very early 20's (apparently that's part of my intersex condition and was a physical display from my female side).  So I just stopped growing it and got electrolysis (also, with the razor I never could get close enough to fully get rid of hair, so even an hour later I would still have those dark spots.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Sarah B on March 10, 2025, 05:38:21 PM
Hi Everyone

This is a short version of what I have written in Sarah B's Story. (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247190.msg2295584.html#msg2295584)  Which contains a bit more detail than here.

I was fortunate that puberty had little effect on my body hair.  My facial hair properly started when I was around 18 or 19 and remained minimal.  I once grew a moustache as a way to disguise myself but removed it in December 1987.  That was when Sarah first ventured out into the wide blue yonder.

I never liked shaving and I seemed to be removed from it when I did. In 1988, I started waxing my face and after February 1989, I added electrolysis until I had no facial hair. Since women do not have facial hair, I made sure to eliminate the issue completely.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on March 11, 2025, 10:09:46 PM
I spent half my life being ashamed of having feminine desires. When I started exploring my feminine side, and doing girly things, it made me so happy. Once I started being femme, I couldn't go back. When I came out to my cousin, she said she heard confidence and positivity in me saying I like being feminine.


Quote from: D'Amalie on March 10, 2025, 07:58:33 AMI wore a beard of and on for 40 years.  A denial mechanism certainly.  I recognized it as such, but like purging my wardrobe, unsuccessful except for fitting into the homophobic culture of the 70's, 80's, 90's, ...etc.

I really did try not to be femme.  Giving up on that is a reward in itself.

Stupid itchy things....
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Lori Dee on March 11, 2025, 10:16:01 PM
Quote from: Alana1990 on March 11, 2025, 10:09:46 PMWhen I came out to my cousin, she said she heard confidence and positivity in me saying I like being feminine.

It is easy to feel confident when you are speaking the truth. The positivity comes from expressing your true self instead of suppressing it.  :)
 
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: BlueJaye on March 11, 2025, 11:23:15 PM
It's late and I'm tired. I read the title and thought it said "denial bread". I think that's my cue to get some sleep, lol.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: LucyEgo on March 14, 2025, 08:27:58 AM
I wouldn't call what I had a denial beard, but I did have denial. So much, so much dysphoria covered with fear, that I stopped taking care of myself. I just couldn't be bothered.

Now I have a reason to be, my hope, my purpose restored, showers, shaving.

But I definitely think I slipped somewhat into the alpha male role a few times to get over the dysphoria. If I'm alpha male and keep telling myself that, I've got no need to transition, what gender dysphoria, I just need to build alpha male up! Grrrr. Hard.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Faith on March 14, 2025, 08:58:21 AM
I hated shaving, reason? I didn't look for one .. either, as Kathy stated, I shouldn't have had to shave or it helped cover up a face I didn't want to see

20200425_160308.jpg  20250201_172904.jpg

There is approx 10 years between those two photo
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Lori Dee on March 14, 2025, 09:29:01 AM
Quote from: Faith on March 14, 2025, 08:58:21 AMThere is approx 10 years between those two photo

Such a big difference. As my cousin told me, "You are a prettier woman than you were a handsome man." Thanks for sharing!

Here are my side-by-sides:

(https://i.imgur.com/Fj7E5nQ.jpeg)(https://i.imgur.com/bJHl4uq.jpeg)
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: KathyLauren on March 14, 2025, 03:16:33 PM
As long as we're doing before and after shots, here's a couple of me.
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/54387192675_c8a19f65bb_c.jpg)
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Lori Dee on March 14, 2025, 03:30:02 PM
I find it interesting that, even though the photos could have been taken a decade apart, we look younger in the second photo. Part of that is the beard, but hormones and the sense of wellbeing also play a role in that. Thanks for sharing!
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Sephirah on March 14, 2025, 04:57:05 PM
Is it weird that I see the "after" image in the "before" image? Probably, lol. But I do. I think your eyes don't lie.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: big kim on March 14, 2025, 05:29:08 PM
All of you  make better  looking  women  than men. 
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Sephirah on March 14, 2025, 05:34:33 PM
Quote from: big kim on March 14, 2025, 05:29:08 PMAll of you  make better  looking  women  than men.

Agreed. You can't fake genuine happiness. :)
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Sephirah on March 14, 2025, 05:45:59 PM
Sorry for the double post. Mods, feel free to merge this. Something I wanted to say, though...

How you look is only a small part of it. Kathy, Lori... you are both genuinely amazing people. And everyone here who accepts who they are, sheds the reptile skin of worldly standards.... when you are free to just express yourself... it literally doesn't matter what you look like. You let your soul shine and be a beacon for other people. When you can just be... you can just be awesome. I can recite a whole litany of people who... come out of their shell once they are free to just be.

I am someone who doesn't really care how someone looks. I care how they are. What they say. What they do. And I will say... without fail, when people are free to be themselves, they are much more open, giving, free.... true people. And that shows. In everything you do and say. Beauty is subjective. Being a good person... not so much.
Title: Re: Denial beard
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on March 15, 2025, 06:30:00 PM
I've noticed since I stopped hiding who I am, and expressing myself the way I truly want, people are super friendly towards me.  Women seem to be the friendliest towards me recently.

Quote from: Sephirah on March 14, 2025, 05:45:59 PMSorry for the double post. Mods, feel free to merge this. Something I wanted to say, though...

How you look is only a small part of it. Kathy, Lori... you are both genuinely amazing people. And everyone here who accepts who they are, sheds the reptile skin of worldly standards.... when you are free to just express yourself... it literally doesn't matter what you look like. You let your soul shine and be a beacon for other people. When you can just be... you can just be awesome. I can recite a whole litany of people who... come out of their shell once they are free to just be.

I am someone who doesn't really care how someone looks. I care how they are. What they say. What they do. And I will say... without fail, when people are free to be themselves, they are much more open, giving, free.... true people. And that shows. In everything you do and say. Beauty is subjective. Being a good person... not so much.