Hello everyone, I joined this wonderful place on the 29th of March. I am 66 years old and a transgender Woman. I finnaly gave myself permission to allow this to become a reality about 2 months ago. 🙃 I don't know exactly how it happened, it was like one day a light went on in my brain. I have always had doubts about my actions for most of my life.I joined the Navy right out of high school. I married 1 year later, high school sweetheart, I thought I was in love, maybe I was, maybe it was that I had to have girlfriend as it was what we were supposed to do. I never really showed true emotions. My upbringing we were taught not to show any emotions. Men don't cry sought of thing. Anyway I spenty 75 percent of my 20 years of marriage at sea on several ships. This didn't do well for the marriage. During this time we grew apart. Often at times I would find myself during the course of our marriage envying my wife. This was weird for me, as I was envious of her clothes and makeup. I would wear her underwear when she was at her parents on weekends. I would at times use her makeup too. I couldn't explain to myself why. I just know I liked this. When she was home at times I would watch her dress and wish it was me. I found this exciting, but also thought this was not normal. This went on for some time. One weekend I got the nerve to buy a matching set of night gowns when she was out of town. I hung them in our closets and when she came home I told her. I said these were both of and asked if we could wear them tonight and just snuggle together. This did not go over to good. I wore mine as she said no worries but she wasn't. But things changed after that. Needless to say a couple years later we were divorced.
Now the stranges thing happened that I never could have imagined. We got divorced and we had 2 children 1 boy 1 girl. My daughter well let's say we don't talk. My son He fell into the same trap I did, He joined the marines. So now I'm single and move on and for the several years I'm drifting through life not knowing but suppressing all my thoughts of dressing and trying to move on. I get into a bisexual relationship with a couple that last a year. Thus brings back those feelings but the couple will not allow cross dressing, so I end the relationship. A bout 9 months later I meet another girl who does like me who is ok with cross dressing and this last about 1 month. It's just nit right, cross dressing isn't quite what I want. Fast forwar. I get married again for 5 more years to try to put my life back in some kind of order. Againd suppres everything in my head. Not working, divorce again. I know something is not right with me. Something is missing. All my life I have always felt I have had to prove I am a man I have alway been on the outside so to speak. I know that sounds wierd. Well heres the the shocker to me, my son calls me and wants to talk. He stops by, he now has 2 daughters and he is discharged from the marines. He tells me he is a transgender woman.YES, I am not shocked at all. I was stunned that I was not shocked. Was it because I think he knew about me, I don't know. My only reply to him wad ,I support you in everything and decision you do, and that I live you.
This was in 2018. We have not spoken since. This is my regret. Since then I have suppressed so much about myself and something happened this February that awoke in me and I started rwading about gender dysphoria and I started looking back at my life. I started seeing things and realizing why I did some of the things I did. I blame myself for my transgender daughter at times also.
I have no male clothes except 1 set of underwear, 1 shirt, 2 sweat shirts in case of emergency in the near future. I know this long and some of it is probably mundane, but one I got typing I didn't know when to stop.
Welcome to Susan's Annaliese!! And thank you for sharing so much of your story. Like you, I found my true self late in life - 68 for me when the depression and dysphoria all came crashing in. In the two years since, I've found myself and happiness. It sounds like you are doing the same.
Have you considered working with a gender therapist? That has helped me tremendously in understanding myself and also in helping to plot what my transition will look like as I move forward.
Again, welcome and I look forward to getting to know you.
Welcome, Annaliese! Our stories are similar (although I own considerably more male-appropriate clothing than you do). I look forward to sharing the trials and tribulations of our separate but similar journeys on Susan's Place.
Welcome, Annaliese!
Thank you for that wonderful introduction.
Our stories are similar: Army for 15 years to be the "manly man", 3 marriages (2 divorced, once widowed), two children - a boy and a girl. I am not in touch with either.
I had no clue that I was transgender. I have been in therapy since 2017 and only now starting to see that how I saw myself affected my behavior, and thus my relationships.
Hi!
Welcome Annaliese!
Chrissy
Quote from: Annaliese on April 08, 2025, 11:32:25 AMI know this long and some of it is probably mundane, but one I got typing I didn't know when to stop.
It's not long and it's very similar to stories dozens of us have lived Annaliese. Trans is a two way track with some going one way and some the other, but whatever station we start from, many of us have stopped at the same trackside halts you've visited.
The biggest step is accepting you're trans and you've taken it. Welcome home.
Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 08, 2025, 12:46:20 PMWelcome, Annaliese! Our stories are similar (although I own considerably more male-appropriate clothing than you do).
I found I can wear women's jeans and T-shirts every day. With womans socks and underwear thats all I need. I have a couply of my male sweat shirts for chilly days. 🙃. I do still have my sneakers, but am looking at replacing them soon for a gender neutral pair. I have womans shorts for my daily workout. All this makes me feel more closer to my real identity. And noone is none the wiser for now. I plan on getting some shorts as the warmer weather nears.
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 08, 2025, 01:20:38 PMstarting to see that how I saw myself affected my behavior, and thus my relationships
This is one of the keys, Lori, I've seldom seen it better put! Trying to match the masculine ideal we've set ourselves is like chasing a rainbow. We judge ourselves so harshly for failing to catch it and the fallout from that hurts those we love. But instead of realising we can't succeed, we keep on punishing ourselves and everyone around us, until one day, worn out by it all, we let ourselves focus and we see what's been eluding us all of our lives.
Annaliese, if you are reading this, we've all been you. We all are you.
Annaliese is such a pretty name! Best wishes for being you!
Welcome Aboard Annaliese!
My decision to transition was pretty much made on the spot as well! I met the first trans woman I had ever met ...she was my age. 52 at the time, but had transitioned 30 years before...she was happy, successful and living life on her own terms...
I knew on the spot that I was going to do that too, and in short order... the lightbulb turned on and I realized it was really the only path available, that could possibly lead to a life that held deep meaning and true connection to life and others for me. She took the impossible dream I had always had and put it into the realm of the possible for me simply by living her life.
Here I am 12 years later... married to a man after a lifetime of relationships with women... a step mother and a grandma... life finally makes sense!
I am glad you have joined the flock here sister and look forward to hearing more!
Onward We Go!
Ashley 💕
Hey Again Annaliese!
You may find this paper useful for where you are right now putting much of your life into a new perspective... 🌻
https://www.avitale.com/essays-details/?name=the-gender-variant-phenomenon--a-developmental-review-5
I believe you will feel a good bit of connection to the many descriptions throughout the paper of Group 3 Individuals... I fit pretty well into that description as do many here! 🌻
Onward We Go Brave Sister! 🌻
Ashley 💕