Welcome to the continuing blog thread of Emma1017
"Emma1017 ... Which hurts less - Volume Two"
Emma1017's first Blog Thread "Which hurts less" is still
available for reading and can be found at the following Link:
---> https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,240370.0.html
Warmly, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
@Emma1017 Dear Emma:Along with the rest of your avid followers and readers, I am eagerly looking forward
to reading your continuing postings and updates
here on your latest Blog Thread.HUGS, Danielle[Northern Star Girl]
Well book 2 who would have thunked it (thought I would throw in some local dialect!). Keep going dear and we will soon fill this one up.
Thank Davina. Not sure I can beat the last chapter, but as long as you and everyone else stop by once in a while, I am sure we will keep it lively.
Starting this chapter with the positive, it is great that friendships can be established with words here, versus the trash we have to read and hear in the media. On Susan's, we choose who we want to read and what we want to share. When we do share, it is from the heart.
I also want to say Thank You! to Danielle and all of the moderators who keep the garbage out and allow true relationships to grow.
I wrote this today to clear my head:
Why would a wife want to be a partner with a transgender woman?
Here are my ten best reasons (taken from only my experience):
We are very empathetic: We under emotional pain and aware of the toll it takes on people.
We are warm and friendly: We appreciate the warmth and friendship shown to us and reflect it back.
We listen and share feelings: It is a long and painful path to accept that we are transgender. The process makes us more in tune with our feelings.
We like clothes, makeup, and shopping: It may seem shallow, but we have repressed our gender for so long that our female presentation is a celebration every time we experiment with clothes and makeup.
We are loyal, we will always have your back: We are constantly under attack both from the world and inside our own heads. We cherish every true friend.
Love and making love are closely aligned: We are no longer slaves to testosterone. Having sex is not as important as making love, and maybe being in love is more important than sex.
We don't tolerate bigots, misogyny, or bullies: When you are a victim of their attacks, it makes you intolerant of them in every form.
Being older, we are generally more mature and financially secure: It's nice to have an adult relationship, particularly as you navigate so many other issues in that relationship.
We are emotionally stable: There may be other reasons to be crazy, but fluctuating hormones are not one of them. Our hormones are regulated by medication.
Our hearts are big and waiting for love back: We really don't need much, just a loving understanding of what makes us who we are.
This is a short list, and it is based on my experience. I have had so many dialogues with other late transitioners that I have noted some of the commonalities that I am sharing here.
Feel free to add to the list.
Busy week, did my annual mammogram on Tuesday (everything is ok), dentist yesterday and I meet with a LGBTQ doctor today. I hope she works out. I want someone familiar with transgender health to coordinate my care knowing I am on hormones.
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 21, 2025, 06:59:36 AMI wrote this today to clear my head:
Why would a wife want to be a partner with a transgender woman?
Here are my ten best reasons (taken from only my experience):
We are very empathetic: We under emotional pain and aware of the toll it takes on people.
We are warm and friendly: We appreciate the warmth and friendship shown to us and reflect it back.
We listen and share feelings: It is a long and painful path to accept that we are transgender. The process makes us more in tune with our feelings.
We like clothes, makeup, and shopping: It may seem shallow, but we have repressed our gender for so long that our female presentation is a celebration every time we experiment with clothes and makeup.
We are loyal, we will always have your back: We are constantly under attack both from the world and inside our own heads. We cherish every true friend.
Love and making love are closely aligned: We are no longer slaves to testosterone. Having sex is not as important as making love, and maybe being in love is more important than sex.
We don't tolerate bigots, misogyny, or bullies: When you are a victim of their attacks, it makes you intolerant of them in every form.
Being older, we are generally more mature and financially secure: It's nice to have an adult relationship, particularly as you navigate so many other issues in that relationship.
We are emotionally stable: There may be other reasons to be crazy, but fluctuating hormones are not one of them. Our hormones are regulated by medication.
Our hearts are big and waiting for love back: We really don't need much, just a loving understanding of what makes us who we are.
This is a short list, and it is based on my experience. I have had so many dialogues with other late transitioners that I have noted some of the commonalities that I am sharing here.
Feel free to add to the list.
Because it's still the person you fell in love with... they just aren't scared to be themselves anymore.
That's the only thing I can come up with. And I think the only thing which matters. I will admit.. I don't... I don't think that someone can fall for a trans girl, even when they haven't come out to themselves, and think "Yeah I'm marrying a dude." I just don't think... from all my experience here, that's not how it works. You can't be completely oblivious until someone comes out because people just aren't that good of an actress. You have that about you always, and I think it is why people fall for you, because you're not like other people. So to be like "I had no inkling whatsoever!" is disingenuous because if your partner knew most of their life... there's no way you didn't get that vibe. Unless you just didn't care? People can't hide stuff as well as they think they can.
Maybe I am totally wrong but... I find it hard to believe that someone wouldn't have the slightest suspicion that someone was trans even if they never said anything. Just because there's too much to try and hide. I dunno.
"Because it's still the person you fell in love with... they just aren't scared to be themselves anymore."
Sephirah, that is a perfect summary. I was having a mental conversation with my wife and the wives of late-in-life transitioners. I was trying to list why we're worth sticking around with, rather than getting a divorce. I wanted to counter-balance the negative...mostly in my head.
My wife and I are fine. It was just another bout of self-doubt and self-criticism.
I like this video by a supportive wife, and I'm totally jealous:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Xprh0MA7kM
You are worth it because you are you, Emma. You were Emma when you met your wife, and you are Emma now. It just took some figuring out of some stuff. You are no less a person than when you were that awkward girl crushing on another girl, while still being within yourself. And that's kind of the hardest thing for trans people.
Everything about you that matters, doesn't come from what gender you are. It comes from your soul. Your wit, your literary gift, your kindness, your understanding, your loyalty.. hell I could go on but I don't want your head to grow too big, lol. ;) The point is, the thing that makes us... us... is there and will always be there, no matter what bits we have in what locations. And while I get why it's hard for some partners to see beyond that, in terms of procreation and physical lust, I would suggest that it's the other parts of you they fell in love with. As that video shows. You don't marry the sex organs, you fall in love with the person. And if you don't... there's something wrong somewhere.
As an aside, that girl is legit amazing. Massive kudos. I love how she is like "I don't need to put words to how I feel. I just feel." That is very much me. Damn, Amanda is someone special.
Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 06:50:52 AMAs that video shows. You don't marry the sex organs, you fall in love with the person. And if you don't... there's something wrong somewhere.
Beautifully said, Sephirah. As was the entire thread between you and Emma regarding love and commitment with a transgender partner. I'm too old for all the mushy stuff, but I think it would have been one heck of an adventure if I had come out sooner and discovered the woman (trans or cis) willing to share her life with me. I even believe such a relationship would have lasted far longer than any of my other relationships. Perhaps, it would have lasted forever.
MO, never give up on love. You are never too old!
Sephirah, that couple in the YouTube video has a series about their transition. It gets a little too sweet, but given all the negative videos about being transgender, their story is a very nice change of pace. The series is nicely done.
I agree about our core, it's just the wrapper that gets in the way!
I thought this was very cute: "when you were that awkward girl crushing on another girl..."
Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 25, 2025, 10:21:50 AMBeautifully said, Sephirah. As was the entire thread between you and Emma regarding love and commitment with a transgender partner. I'm too old for all the mushy stuff, but I think it would have been one heck of an adventure if I had come out sooner and discovered the woman (trans or cis) willing to share her life with me. I even believe such a relationship would have lasted far longer than any of my other relationships. Perhaps, it would have lasted forever.
Annika, you're never too old for the mushy stuff. That's kind of the heatbeat of life.
Girl, you are gorgeous. And you have the same magical word spiderwebs encircling your soul that Emma does. Some people just... have it. Annika, and Emma, you girls have it. In abundance.
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 25, 2025, 10:36:53 AMI thought this was very cute: "when you were that awkward girl crushing on another girl..."
That's you, Emma. And that's the thing. You don't just wake up one morning and decide "Yeah, so, I am a girl/boy/non-binary today!" It is with you for your whole life. That's what the current world media would like to have people believe. That people flip flop more than a Los Angeles beach in summer. Because they want it to not matter. But it matters. It matters a lot.
Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 10:52:56 AMAnnika, you're never too old for the mushy stuff. That's kind of the heatbeat of life.
I had to think about this for a bit, Sephirah (a new habit I'm trying to form: thinking before posting). I believe Susan's Place is ideally suited for euphemisms and respecting boundaries (another habit I'm diligently attempting to inculcate). And I am, quite frankly, long past whatever the euphemism 'mushy stuff' might imply. But snuggling? Two old women holding hands and giving each other an intimate but otherwise perfunctory kiss? Smiling at each other with no need for goo-goo eyes or surreptitious touching? Yeah. I'm down for that. Perhaps, someday, I'll meet (or re-meet, I haven't quite given up on my first wife just yet) someone with whom I can share tender moments. And laugh together in silence watching another sunrise. But I assumed (another habit I'm attempting to break) Emma was talking about all the wonders of being young with someone you love. And those wonders are sublime, though transient. As you know, I cherish my memories of being young and tend to describe them in graphic detail. But I did not cherish those moments at the time they occurred. For me, that's the beauty of growing old: the ability to cherish. I just re-read this, making sure I did't dot a t or cross and i. But I'm going to post it anyway. New habits are difficult to form. I read and reread and printed and read again your story. I am in awe of your magical word spiderwebs.
Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 25, 2025, 09:16:27 PMI had to think about this for a bit, Sephirah (a new habit I'm trying to form: thinking before posting). I believe Susan's Place is ideally suited for euphemisms and respecting boundaries (another habit I'm diligently attempting to inculcate). And I am, quite frankly, long past whatever the euphemism 'mushy stuff' might imply. But snuggling? Two old women holding hands and giving each other an intimate but otherwise perfunctory kiss? Smiling at each other with no need for goo-goo eyes or surreptitious touching? Yeah. I'm down for that. Perhaps, someday, I'll meet (or re-meet, I haven't quite given up on my first wife just yet) someone with whom I can share tender moments. And laugh together in silence watching another sunrise. But I assumed (another habit I'm attempting to break) Emma was talking about all the wonders of being young with someone you love. And those wonders are sublime, though transient. As you know, I cherish my memories of being young and tend to describe them in graphic detail. But I did not cherish those moments at the time they occurred. For me, that's the beauty of growing old: the ability to cherish. I just re-read this, making sure I did't dot a t or cross and i. But I'm going to post it anyway. New habits are difficult to form. I read and reread and printed and read again your story. I am in awe of your magical word spiderwebs.
Nah, girl. you are worth more than that. You and Emma both. The only time you get old is when you want to feel old. I do not get that vibe from either of you, Annika. Or Emma. You both have an energy of women in your 30s. Because life only wears on you when you let it. I kind of feel 100 most days, but I am trying to deal with stuff. Girl, you don't have to let a number define you, any more than you have to let a label define you. Be you, love being you... and blaze your own trail. It is never too late, Annika. And Emma. You are both rather extremely gifted girls. :)
I have clients in their 90s and a few over 100 years old. They are living their lives and have great senses of humor...maybe that's the key.
An elderly client told me years ago that the art of getting older is to realize the things you can't do, and then find the 5,000 things that you can.
I like that.
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:09:12 AMI have clients in their 90s and a few over 100 years old. They are living their lives and have great senses of humor...maybe that's the key.
An elderly client told me years ago that the art of getting older is to realize the things you can't do, and then find the 5,000 things that you can.
I like that.
Makes sense to me Emma.
Enjoy your Saturday immensely!
Chrissy
Thanks Chrissy. Do something fun today!
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:17:49 AMThanks Chrissy. Do something fun today!
Emma,
Okay, I will try. Thank you.
I may go to get some cosmetics, exercise, and relax.
Chrissy
Excellent Chrissy!
I may do the same today. I bought a candle-making kit and some essential oils. It's been fun. I have some beach glass that I put in the mold and added lemongrass oil. It came out pretty decently.
Today, I have some mason jars to play with.
It's nice to have something fun to do. I had an "adult" week: mammogram, dentist, a new transgender doctor, a plumber snaking out the drain in a wet basement, a roofer repairing missing roof ties, and sending my car into the shop (Sorry Davina, you are too far away for me to get to...)...oh and work.
I need to make sure I don't do too many candles today.... ;D
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:09:12 AMI have clients in their 90s and a few over 100 years old. They are living their lives and have great senses of humor...maybe that's the key.
An elderly client told me years ago that the art of getting older is to realize the things you can't do, and then find the 5,000 things that you can.
I like that.
Thanks, Emma--so do I. I wish I had wasted my youth more wisely but have few regrets about getting old. I was not mourning the loss of my capacity or inclination towards 'romantic' love but celebrating my awareness of something much more profound and fulfilling. I agree with those you counsel who look for the 5,000 things to replace whatever the one thing was that time stole from them. And loved your discussion with Sephirah regarding transgender couples. I have scant desire to be part of a 'couple' but enjoyed hearing all the reasons I can offer to this 'lucky' woman should I someday find her.
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:45:07 AMExcellent Chrissy!
I may do the same today. I bought a candle-making kit and some essential oils. It's been fun. I have some beach glass that I put in the mold and added lemongrass oil. It came out pretty decently.
Today, I have some mason jars to play with.
It's nice to have something fun to do. I had an "adult" week: mammogram, dentist, a new transgender doctor, a plumber snaking out the drain in a wet basement, a roofer repairing missing roof ties, and sending my car into the shop (Sorry Davina, you are too far away for me to get to...)...oh and work.
I need to make sure I don't do too many candles today.... ;D
Emma,
I was thinking of going to a comedy club soon.
Have you ever been to the Park Slope area's Union Hall comedy place?
I may also if in the right place in California at the right time, go to a Jay Leno show.
Chrissy
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:45:07 AMExcellent Chrissy!
I may do the same today. I bought a candle-making kit and some essential oils. It's been fun. I have some beach glass that I put in the mold and added lemongrass oil. It came out pretty decently.
Today, I have some mason jars to play with.
It's nice to have something fun to do. I had an "adult" week: mammogram, dentist, a new transgender doctor, a plumber snaking out the drain in a wet basement, a roofer repairing missing roof ties, and sending my car into the shop (Sorry Davina, you are too far away for me to get to...)...oh and work.
I need to make sure I don't do too many candles today.... ;D
I love scented candles! I sold them for many years, and each year I would go to Phoenix for a convention. They had many very interesting workshops about candlemaking, essential oils, etc. Just be careful because some of the oils you get off the shelf are not suitable for candles. The heat and evaporation can make some dangerous.
The woman who did one of the workshops was a perfumist who used to work for a major cosmetics company. I learned that many "scents" are not from the essential oils, but from a combination of scents that result in the target scent. She had a contest once where distributors were asked to burn two different scented candles and notice how the scents combine (good or bad). I found that I really liked burning a large Lily and a small Rose. The combination is wonderful!
Have fun with it!
I have seen a bacon scented candle for sale!
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 26, 2025, 09:41:48 AMI have seen a bacon scented candle for sale!
There was a company that was doing stuff like that. I often suggested they have a product line of scented candles for guys: motor oil, diesel, and WD40. ;D
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 08:45:07 AMExcellent Chrissy!
I may do the same today. I bought a candle-making kit and some essential oils. It's been fun. I have some beach glass that I put in the mold and added lemongrass oil. It came out pretty decently.
Today, I have some mason jars to play with.
It's nice to have something fun to do. I had an "adult" week: mammogram, dentist, a new transgender doctor, a plumber snaking out the drain in a wet basement, a roofer repairing missing roof ties, and sending my car into the shop (Sorry Davina, you are too far away for me to get to...)...oh and work.
I need to make sure I don't do too many candles today.... ;D
Okay. Just "do not burn your candle at both ends."
Sometimes there are just some chores and tasks you have to get done.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 26, 2025, 09:43:29 AMThere was a company that was doing stuff like that. I often suggested they have a product line of scented candles for guys: motor oil, diesel, and WD40. ;D
Hmmm. Vanilla can smell good. Burning motor oil? Not for me. LOL.
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 26, 2025, 09:43:29 AMThere was a company that was doing stuff like that. I often suggested they have a product line of scented candles for guys: motor oil, diesel, and WD40. ;D
No way on the diesel candles for me.
Unsure about the WD40 scent.
Chrissy
I dont need a scent candle as I smell of oil and WD40 and burnt metal from grinding/welding, well before a good shower that is!!
I like the idea of candles scented as "Davina's Garage" to pair up with "Davina's Curry Kitchen".
Lori, I am making sure I don't develop a candle making addiction. I could easily fall into that trap. I am a gear junkie. You sound like one too!
Hmmm Chrissy, you may have given me a a new candle idea: "do not burn your candle at both ends"
OM, I think the best couples just happen, so you never know...
Emma,
Well just be careful with candles!
Chrissy
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 11:02:58 AMHmmm Chrissy, you may have given me a a new candle idea: "do not burn your candle at both ends"
https://www.sandstonegoods.com/products/twist-double-taper-candle?gQT=1
For $40?????? The lowest price I saw was $25. Emma, you can make a fortune selling them for $15.
Well I ended up not getting any cosmetics today as I was not convinced the salesclerk really knew any more about cosmetics than how to do welding, nuclear physics, or how to calculate an integral. Plus I doubt she knew much about those matters either. Give her time and she will learn, and I hope about cosmetics for her job. She seemed nice.
A thought: Educate the staff better. More sales may come about.
She had pretty blue nails though.
Chrissy
Lori, that is a pretty cool candle and well beyond my skill set. I'll stick with filling jars...Also, I think I just OD'd on all of the fragrance oils. My wife just retreated from the basement.
Chrissy, I did two makeovers at Sephora, and they used way too much product. I like makeup as a subtle beauty enhancement, it shouldn't be body filler! Sorry, it wasn't more fun for you. There is still plenty of weekend left!
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 26, 2025, 03:51:57 PMLori, that is a pretty cool candle and well beyond my skill set. I'll stick with filling jars...Also, I think I just OD'd on all of the fragrance oils. My wife just retreated from the basement.
Chrissy, I did two makeovers at Sephora, and they used way too much product. I like makeup as a subtle beauty enhancement, it shouldn't be body filler! Sorry, it wasn't more fun for you. There is still plenty of weekend left!
Less is more.
Chrissy
I was having a "poor me" moment. I hate them. It started on Saturday. It felt like I was under assault internally and externally. I felt alone with it all, transgender hate, hating being transgender, US politics, UK politics, American shame and embarrassment, etc., etc., etc.
I know I am not alone with all of this, but it felt pretty personal. I allowed myself to bury my head further in anger and frustration. Then I did something even stupider, I went on the internet and trolled YouTube, not the best place to console oneself if the algorithm senses your black mood.
The effort obviously failed. It made it worse.
So I unplugged. I did normal stuff like taking a walk, food shopping, and talking to neighbors. I started to decompress. I contacted my friend Jenn and made a date to go walking yesterday afternoon, as me, not as a guy who is me, and it worked.
I knew it wasn't the answer to my problems or the world's, but it at least got me to recover some perspective, at least my head wasn't going to explode.
Jenn took a great photo to capture the moment:
(https://i.imgur.com/lKpg7Hb.jpeg)
Just gotta love that smile!
Do it often. ;D
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 29, 2025, 06:29:46 PMI knew it wasn't the answer to my problems or the world's, but it at least got me to recover some perspective, at least my head wasn't going to explode.
Jenn took a great photo to capture the moment:
Great photo, Emma!
It's like Jenn captured something special.
That smile and the expression on your face say so much and it's shining through you.
~ Lilis 💗
You need to let the genie out the lamp more my dear, that smile says it all XXX
As others said, love the photo and really love the smile
Ellen
Thank you, Lori, Lilis, Davina, and Ellen. The opinion of friends is far more valuable than my own opinion of myself. ::)
Of course, I notice my waist in the photo, but I have given up on my girlish figure. No bikinis for me! :o
All in all, it was a fun day and much needed!
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 30, 2025, 04:49:35 PMThank you, Lori, Lilis, Davina, and Ellen. The opinion of friends is far more valuable than my own opinion of myself. ::)
Of course, I notice my waist in the photo, but I have given up on my girlish figure. No bikinis for me! :o
All in all, it was a fun day and much needed!
I think I gave up on bikinis when I turned 40. ;D
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 30, 2025, 04:53:00 PMI think I gave up on bikinis when I turned 40. ;D
I also gave up bikinis decades ago
Ellen
I have never given bikinis even a thought. I am a swim shorts and rash guard kinda girl.
Rash Guard - That's what I wear in the creek, aka jeans. Too many leeches hide under the rocks I move. ;D
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 29, 2025, 07:33:48 PMJust gotta love that smile!
Do it often. ;D
Right? Emma has the smile that can stop traffic.
Girl, we all need to unplug from the world a lot of the time. I am thankful because stuff makes me so out of it that I can't be in touch with this more than a day or two a week. I mean not thankful, obviously, but you know what I mean. Now more than ever you can get massively overloaded if you allow it.
But sometimes you just need to live in the world where global communications doesn't exist. You need to switch off. And just be in your own world. Forget everyone else's.
Quote from: Sephirah on May 01, 2025, 04:52:31 PMBut sometimes you just need to live in the world where global communications doesn't exist. You need to switch off. And just be in your own world. Forget everyone else's.
That is why I try to spend as much time as possible in the forest.
Quote from: Lori Dee on May 01, 2025, 05:58:49 PMThat is why I try to spend as much time as possible in the forest.
Lori... part squirrel. She's nuts, but in the best possible way. <3
Sephirah if I tried to stop traffic in NYC with my smile, I'd be toothless...🤪
Now you all know why I scuba dive. There is no internet under water.
But hey, according to the world, we are all nuts and I couldn't think of a classier group of people to be associated with.
Now pass me some walnuts.
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 01, 2025, 09:18:18 PMSephirah if I tried to stop traffic in NYC with my smile, I'd be toothless...🤪
Now you all know why I scuba dive. There is no internet under water.
But hey, according to the world, we are all nuts and I couldn't think of a classier group of people to be associated with.
Now pass me some walnuts.
See... I knew I loved you for a reason. Walnuts are my favourites. Followed closely by Brazil Nuts.
Also.. a girl who is down with the beauty of the underwater world is a girl after my own heart.
We aren't who we are because of what's outside. We are who we are because of what's inside.
I've been watching some more stuff by that couple you linked, Emma. Amanda and Shaye? Shaye is so gorgeous. And her wife is equally as gorgeous. Because they just love each other. I used to know a girl when I first came here back in 2008, called Shay. She reminded me of you... quite a lot, honestly. Must be the name. ;D She was around your age, and just as thoughtful... and sassy.
So thats why there are walnuts in the carrot cake!!
I guess we have to be nuts to be transgender... ::)
Talking about changing worlds, I tried the Meta Quest 3 virtual reality headset. It is amazing! There are apps for so many different experiences. You can enter mediative world, go underwater, travel the world, watch a movie on a big screen or play as Indian Jones without connection to a computer.
It is ridiculously expensive at $399 but it was fun to play in the store.
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 03, 2025, 08:26:51 AMI guess we have to be nuts to be transgender... ::)
Talking about changing worlds, I tried the Meta Quest 3 virtual reality headset. It is amazing! There are apps for so many different experiences. You can enter mediative world, go underwater, travel the world, watch a movie on a big screen or play as Indian Jones without connection to a computer.
It is ridiculously expensive at $399 but it was fun to play in the store.
Omg, Emma, that's kind of cheap... relatively. I had one of the original Occulus Rift VR headsets back in 2017, and the thing cost over £700 ($928 in today's money). And you needed to plug it into a powerful gaming PC just to get the thing to run.
It's amazing how the tech has moved on... but there really is nothing like it. Your brain fills in the gaps. One of the first experiences I had was "standing" on top of a skyscraper as this giant UFO flew overhead, doing the whole Mars Attacks thing... and as someone who has really bad vertigo, I almost threw up. Your brain makes it real. It's quite freaky. And with the right experience, really quite wonderful.
People have done stuff with VR that... well...
https://beanotherlab.org/home/work/tmtba/
Hmmm, swapping bodies by virtual reality.
I always thought that someday trans fem and trans masc individuals could have a swap meet of body parts.
I did two more days teaching, and it was a lot of fun. The students now recognize me and like to chat. It felt really special when the principal said I was invited to the graduation because I was "part of the family now". That was really special.
The senior class is trying to do a prom, but most have no money, and some live in shelters, so I suggested that they start a go-fund-me page.
There is such a large LGBTQ community in NYC, I know that they could raise the funds.
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 07, 2025, 03:12:42 PMI did two more days teaching, and it was a lot of fun. The students now recognize me and like to chat. It felt really special when the principal said I was invited to the graduation because I was "part of the family now". That was really special.
The senior class is trying to do a prom, but most have no money, and some live in shelters, so I suggested that they start a go-fund-me page.
There is such a large LGBTQ community in NYC, I know that they could raise the funds.
No wonder the kids like you!
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 07, 2025, 03:12:42 PMI did two more days teaching, and it was a lot of fun. The students now recognize me and like to chat. It felt really special when the principal said I was invited to the graduation because I was "part of the family now". That was really special.
The senior class is trying to do a prom, but most have no money, and some live in shelters, so I suggested that they start a go-fund-me page.
There is such a large LGBTQ community in NYC, I know that they could raise the funds.
It is good to help out the kids.
Chrissy
Well we all knew you would fit in!!!
It's funny, some people in the school think I am gay, some know I am transgender but not sure whether I am mtf or ftm, and only a few think I am cisgender.
You may be the target market for the 'Guess' line of clothing and fashion accessories.
Love always -- Jess
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 08, 2025, 01:19:25 PMIt's funny, some people in the school think I am gay, some know I am transgender but not sure whether I am mtf or ftm, and only a few think I am cisgender.
As long as they all know you as Emma, it's all good. :)
I keep it simple for the kids, I use my male name but that is ok because, as you have helped me understand Sephirah, I have always been Emma. That is what I needed to learn. That is the smile they see. That is the smile I feel and the one you all know.
It's the one I share with people I care about.
Jess I feel more like a convertible lately...😁
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 08, 2025, 09:38:57 PMI keep it simple for the kids, I use my male name but that is ok because, as you have helped me understand Sephirah, I have always been Emma. That is what I needed to learn. That is the smile they see. That is the smile I feel and the one you all know.
It's the one I share with people I care about.
Jess I feel more like a convertible lately...😁
That's what makes you genuine, Emma. Doesn't matter what you do, what name you use, how you approach things. You have always been and will always be the person you are inside. That beautiful, fragile, kind, inquisitive, understanding soul. That is the light behind your eyes. The beauty behind your smile. Girl, you are you. And that's all there ever has to be.
I am so proud of you. You are doing a very hard thing with compassion and grace. You are a testament to everything good in the world. <3
Sephirah, thank you those amazingly nice words. The subbing is easy. The kids and staff make it that way. I am just plugging into what already exists. I get to laugh every time I teach.
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 09, 2025, 11:15:09 AMSephirah, thank you those amazingly nice words. The subbing is easy. The kids and staff make it that way. I am just plugging into what already exists. I get to laugh every time I teach.
Good for you!
Chrissy
Emma,
Have a nice weekend!
Chrissy
Thank you Chrissy. I hope you have a great one as well!
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 09, 2025, 11:15:09 AMSephirah, thank you those amazingly nice words. The subbing is easy. The kids and staff make it that way. I am just plugging into what already exists. I get to laugh every time I teach.
You are in a much better school than I went to, Emma. And I am grateful for that. :)
Sephirah, I think most kids have a better chance than when we were kids. We all know the imperfections now, but pedophiles don't have social ignorance to hide behind, and more schools have better policies for LGBTQ students.
There is a long way to go, but at least there is visible progress.
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 11, 2025, 08:50:15 AMSephirah, I think most kids have a better chance than when we were kids. We all know the imperfections now, but pedophiles don't have social ignorance to hide behind, and more schools have better policies for LGBTQ students.
There is a long way to go, but at least there is visible progress.
Nah, honey, kids have a much better chance because they have much better teachers. <3
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Good teachers are important.
Sorry all, I am having a miserable night and I need to vent or I will explode. We went out with friends all day and went to a pub around the corner from my house for a night cap. Stupidly, my friend and I got caught up in politics. We are on opposite sides but still really good friends.
I told him we needed to shut down the subject but he made some additional remarks before we went back to the hockey game on the pub tv. He rotated his back to me to talk with other hockey fans and I was left sitting there while our wives put more money in the jukebox box.
I sat there angrily watching the tv. I decided to leave a told my wife my back was acting up and told her to stay. She was having a good time and didn't want to ruin it.
My friend said something that triggered me. Not his fault, just his politics. It just set me off internally. I excused myself and walked home
As I got changed, I refused to look at myself or my body as I passed the mirrors.
I said to myself that I hate being transgender, I hate what I am and I am just hurting.
I need to post this to purge my feelings. I am being massively selfish doing so and I apologize but I need to get my thoughts out of me before I implode and this is the best I can do.
I am so sorry for dumping on you.
Shutting down for a little bit.
Don't ever be sorry, Emma. You know where I am if you want to vent to someone okay?
This place is here for you to get all this stuff out. To help you.
Emma, you are who you are. Ain't nothin' and nobody in the world can change that. What you can do is take refuge in people who get you, and are there for you, when times get hard.
You're my friend and I love you. You aren't going through this alone. I am only a word away. <3
Vent away dear its your space, big cyber hug coming your way XX
I heard a Mexican naval ship hit the Brooklyn Bridge's underside but the 142 year old bridge is apparently safe. There was a human cost though, tragic these failures happen. I heard there were deaths and injuries.
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 17, 2025, 11:22:49 PMI said to myself that I hate being transgender, I hate what I am and I am just hurting.
I know that feeling very well. It is important to remember that none of us asked for this. We are just trying to be ourselves. Usually, this feeling pops up right after being triggered by an outside source. That is when it is most important to remember that
you accept yourself, and many others accept you exactly as you are. We know how it feels, so vent away. There is no need to apologize.
Sending more hugs your way!
I signed on here this morning to delete my last post, but you all already responded. Thank you.
Like everyone here, we are surrounded by an abrasive outside world while we beat ourselves up from the inside. Last night was just a series of triggers, most were just innocent, but said while I was extra sensitive.
Nobody's fault, just the way it all happened. It was at the end of a long day.
Thank you all again for the support and understanding.
Chrissy, it is a beautiful ship. There are lots of reports online. It lost power and then the current pushed it into the bridge. I heard of two deaths, young sailors on the main mast, and a number of injuries below. It's a very sad tragedy.
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 18, 2025, 09:02:02 AMNobody's fault, just the way it all happened. It was at the end of a long day.
It happens. I didn't think anything could damage your sunny disposition. I think we were all just waiting to see you bounce back. I am happy that you can just shrug it off. :)
Lori, I have a singular goal in life, to live my life with as much joy as I can and to share it with anyone who shares back.
Unfortunately, there are too many joy suckers than joy sharers so it takes an extra effort to maintain a sunny disposition.
I know you share the same goals subject to similar joy suckers.
We will have joy! ❤️
That is great philosophy. And not just because I share it. :)
Lori, we deserve all the joy we can get!!!
This week was a little crazy, but yesterday I met up with Josie, my transgender friend from the QM2 cruise. She has a fear of flying, so she is taking the QM2 back from NY to Southampton today. She wanted a NYC pizza before she left so there is a pizzeria right across the street from the Stonewall Inn. It was a perfect combination! She included another transgender woman that she was friends with here in NYC. They met playing online video games. They both are in their early thirties, so the video game meet-up makes sense.
It was great to be out as three transgender women. Despite our age differences, we had so much in common. It made me feel so at home, particularly politically. Josie has a long-term boyfriend in Sweden, and Alice is married in Brooklyn. It was nice to know that they also have joy in their lives. We intend to stay in touch...but probably not with video games, at least not with me... ::)
Sounds like you had a nice time Emma.
That is wonderful.
Chrissy
It was very special Chrissy. Like my friendships here!
I saw this on YouTube and loved it. Clearly, YouTube knows a woman when it sees one even if the Scottish Parliament doesn't. It blurred out the nibbles on the woman in the video...but no problem seeing a guys nipples. I googled "topless guys playing basketball". Plenty of nipples. Obviously some nipples are more dangerous...Maybe I'll go topless in front of the US Supreme Court building or the Capitol Building. If I get arrested for being immoral... legal point made, I must be a woman.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/y5YDh0pPdJs
This reminds me of a Dave Allen bit, about Adam and Eve.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/rAH-8077Wng
I won't post a link, but there is a .org that has been supporting gotopless since 2007.
I'll let you figure that out. ;D
To be fair... your average guy only has to see uncovered breasts and it's like focusing too much on sat-nav. They WILL drive off a cliff. :P
Great bit, Sephirah but I couldn't find a nose g-strig anywhere....It's weird that when I am dressed as a man in a tight t-shirt, no one notices but if I wear the same t-shirt as me I notice the eyes refocus.
My friend Josie sent me a picture we took at the Stonewall Inn National Museum. It's still open in spite of Trump. Rainy day and no makeup.
(https://i.imgur.com/E6cH3G1.jpeg)
Quote from: Emma1017 on May 24, 2025, 07:47:26 AMGreat bit, Sephirah but I couldn't find a nose g-strig anywhere....It's weird that when I am dressed as a man in a tight t-shirt, no one notices but if I wear the same t-shirt as me I notice the eyes refocus.
My friend Josie sent me a picture we took at the Stonewall Inn National Museum. It's still open in spite of Trump. Rainy day and no makeup.
(https://i.imgur.com/E6cH3G1.jpeg)
There are wandering eyes, aye?
Chrissy
I hope you have a terrific weekend Emma!
Chrissy
Sorry all, I haven't been online because I've had a nasty head cold that really beat the hell out of me for the last week.
I will catch up soon.
I hope life is better now for you Emma!
Chrissy
Quote from: Emma1017 on June 02, 2025, 06:56:15 AMSorry all, I haven't been online because I've had a nasty head cold that really beat the hell out of me for the last week.
I will catch up soon.
So Glad you you are feeling a bit better. 🫂 Annaliese
Nettle tea (see Laurens blog!!)
I have also heard of Dandelion Tea being good for head colds. You crush and steep the greens, not the flowers. Don't take my word for it, as I have not tried it myself.
Thank you, Chrissy and Annaliese, for your get-well wishes, and Davina and Lori for the herbal tea ideas.
I have spent the last week floating on tea and honey. My bladder developed a wake-up call at around 3 o'clock every morning. Fortunately, the cough and head cold have subsided in time for me to start my two-week vacation tomorrow.
It is much needed and I will spend the time with wine and food, and not watching the news!
Quote from: Emma1017 on June 04, 2025, 03:32:12 PMFortunately, the cough and head cold have subsided in time for me to start my two-week vacation tomorrow.
There is nothing worse than being sick on vacation.
Have a great time!
Have a good hollybobs (bit of UK speak for you!) .
Enjoy your time off Emma!
Chrissy
Quote from: Emma1017 on June 04, 2025, 03:32:12 PMThank you, Chrissy and Annaliese, for your get-well wishes, and Davina and Lori for the herbal tea ideas.
I have spent the last week floating on tea and honey. My bladder developed a wake-up call at around 3 o'clock every morning. Fortunately, the cough and head cold have subsided in time for me to start my two-week vacation tomorrow.
It is much needed and I will spend the time with wine and food, and not watching the news!
I hope you have a great vacation. Rest and relaxation is always a good way to help heal the body and mind.
Get a tasty deli sandwich!
Take a nice walk!
But get the rest you need first.
Take care,
Chrissy
The focus is food, wine and long naps...😊
Emma,
I hope that you continue to have a nice time off and enjoy the pleasantries.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Stopping by to give you a giant hug. <3
The years haven't dimmed your smile, Emma. Never forget that. *monster hugs*
Always happy to share hugs and good wishes.❤️ Have a great weekend!