I have a difficult relationship with my parents to say the least and I'm honestly really worried about how my family will take me telling them that I'm a trans guy. Those of you who have gone through the same of similar experiences, how'd you break the news? If you don't mind sharing, how did they take it? Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.
Hugs
Adrian
If you have read my story. I wasn't planning to tell them. My psychologist felt I should, but I kept putting it off. I had been using a feminine name online (gaming) for years and even set up an email account with that name. I accidentally sent my parents an email from that account instead of my usual. I quickly sent an email from the "correct" account and explained that I had just sent it from the wrong account.
My dad called and wanted to know why I was using an alias. So I told him that I had been in therapy for a few years and discovered that I was transgender. He couldn't believe it.
The details are here: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247442.msg2264610.html#msg2264610
Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2025, 03:39:24 PMIf you have read my story. I wasn't planning to tell them. My psychologist felt I should, but I kept putting it off. I had been using a feminine name online (gaming) for years and even set up an email account with that name. I accidentally sent my parents an email from that account instead of my usual. I quickly sent an email from the "correct" account and explained that I had just sent it from the wrong account.
My dad called and wanted to know why I was using an alias. So I told him that I had been in therapy for a few years and discovered that I was transgender. He couldn't believe it.
The details are here: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247442.msg2264610.html#msg2264610
I've read your story and absolutely love how random and unapologetically honest it was, but I don't think that'll go down well with my family.
As they say, expect the worst but hope for the best.
You know your family much better than anyone here, so I think you will find a way that works for you. Very often, the highly religious families are conservative and do not have open minds. I have two brothers like that. The problem is that they are not willing to listen to anyone who is not behind a pulpit. When they start telling me that I will be going to Hades, I just nod and assure them that my Savior Jesus Christ disagrees. Then have them read Galatians 3:26-29.
In some cases, it may not be a religious-view type of attack, but one of ignorance. They do not know anyone who is transgender and may not know anything about the subject. If they will listen, you can explain that they don't need to know all about it. You are still learning about it yourself. But you are still the same person. The only difference is that now they know some intimate details about you that you have never shared with anyone. As a sign of trust and honesty, you decided to share this information with them.
It still might not go well, so be prepared. But it is very important to let them know that it is okay for them to feel shocked. It is okay for them to ask questions. If you don't know the answer, say that. You can always find out and get back to them. The most important thing is to give them time to process this new information. It won't be easy for them, but if they love you "unconditionally," they will at least try to understand. My parents gave up trying to understand. But they agreed to accept that this is how I choose to live my life, whether they agree with it or not.
Take any little win and give them plenty of time and space to come around.
You're right Lori (I'm obsessed with your name, it reminds me of Loud House) I'll just have to be completely honest and just see how it goes. If it goes well great, if not then that's okay.
Quote from: Adrian26 on April 23, 2025, 04:31:08 PMIf it goes well great, if not then that's okay.
Hi Adrian--I chose a middle path: I told my daughter and my three sisters who I hoped would be supportive. I left it up to them to tell my Christian fundamentalist brother and other two sisters. Sadly, though in this case fortunately, my parents passed away a long time ago. I would not have been able to come out if they were still alive. Not publicly, anyway. Now that I know my daughter's response and my (supportive) sisters' response, I have enough confidence and commitment to tell my parents. I wish they were still here so I could. I'm not giving any advice; families form us almost as much as gender. But, I don't really see any need to tell anyone unwilling to hear what you have to say to them.
Quote from: Adrian26 on April 23, 2025, 04:31:08 PMYou're right Lori (I'm obsessed with your name, it reminds me of Loud House) I'll just have to be completely honest and just see how it goes. If it goes well great, if not then that's okay.
I think that is the best approach. They may think they did something wrong in raising you. Make sure that they know that is not the case. It has nothing to do with that. And assuring them that the reason you are telling them is that you are being completely honest with them. It is okay if you don't have all the answers. None of us does. Good luck! :)