Hello all, nice to meet you ;D I haven't exactly started transitioning MTF yet. I just turned 37 and im very interested in undergoing the process and making progress sort of speak. I dont care that i know some people who are against LGBT people, that doesnt matter, they arent living my life or walking in my shoes or know or understand what im going through and dealing with on a daily basis. Im going to try talking to a therapist and had an appointment scheduled but it fell through and got canceled because i didnt fill out the online form in time so have to reschedule. This is to confirm whether i really am transgender and i think i am ever since i was born.
I was on these boards like 2 years ago on a different account but i forgot my username and password.
Hi Lunaria, welcome to Susan's Place!
I'm going to leave you with a copy of our welcome pamphlet. It'll get you off to a good start on the site! See you around the boards!
Hugs, Devlyn
Things that you should read- New Members... Please Read this First (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,250343.msg2295001.html#msg2295001)
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Hi!
Welcome Lunaria!
Chrissy
Thank you everyone i appreciate it especially you Devlyn, im happy to be back here. Im a little envious by how you all look too, so beautiful and passing. One thing that worries me is being able to pass or not. If you saw a picture of me now even crossdressed you'd understand what i mean. HRT should feminize me to the point where i could pass probably, ive had men say i am beautiful just by crossdressing and wearing makeup. I loved getting complimented like that.
I was always under the assumption i was a femboy, not trans, which is different, but femboy's are usually naturally feminine which some of my features are but not all of them. Either way i think im trans and just need a therapist to confirm what i already know because ive been like this my whole life, family even suspected it but i never had enough courage to tell them. After i see the therapist, i want to get on HRT.
By the way i noticed some of my post got deleted and my other thread got deleted? Am i not allowed to ask specifically about that? I didnt mean to break the rules, i just didnt know. Im sorry. Ill make sure to read the rules. Im certain i used to know them but i forgot.
Oh and Chrissy your avatar was the exact same one i used for my other account if i remember correctly.
I edited your posts, there's an explanatory message in your inbox. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Hi Lunaria,
Welcome!
The most useful skill to passing for many of us is learning to speak in a feminine voice.
This may not require surgery as some women have deep raspy voices like the actress Awkwafina.
But it may require lots of frequent practice to change your voice.
I had lots of speech therapy to modulate my sentences. As I started with a high pitched voice to begin with, it is now distinctly feminine.
Marion
For many of us, the word passing has no meaning.
If I identify as a woman, my avatar picture may or may not be perceived as passing.
But if I'm identifying as a man, I think my avatar picture is a complete passing failure. That's exactly how it goes some days. This dude goes around looking like that picture.
Hugs, Devlyn
Ill check my inbox. I agree Devlyn, im an active member on some other trans sites and basically they talk about being passable all the time. Its surprising that some of them even say hurtful words to each other but i decided to give this place a try again because im really serious about transitioning now. I think its hard with many doctors though.
For many some don't even realize or know you're trans unless you tell them, im sure. :)
If you're comfortable with your body, then it doesn't matter whether people think your passable or not.
@Lunaria
Dear Lunaria:Welcome back... I am very glad to see that you have successfully registered as a member
again here on Susan's Place and the Forum.
On your first Introduction posting (below) you had mentioned that you were on these boards
like 2 years ago on a different account but that you had forgotten your username and password.
If you feel so inclined, please contact me via my Direct Email address at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com and
tell me what might have been your username 2 years ago ... and also the Email address that you were using
at the time.
DO NOT post your Email address or any contact information here on this or any other Forum thread.
With that information I might be able to find your old account and any postings that you had submitted.
Warmest Regards,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
IMPORTANT NOTE:
Until you reach 15 posts you will NOT be able to send and reply Forum private messages, also
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Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Quote from: Lunaria on July 10, 2025, 05:34:57 AM
Hello all, nice to meet you ;D I haven't exactly started transitioning MTF yet. I just turned 37 and im very interested in undergoing the process and making progress sort of speak. I dont care that i know some people who are against LGBT people, that doesnt matter, they arent living my life or walking in my shoes or know or understand what im going through and dealing with on a daily basis. Im going to try talking to a therapist and had an appointment scheduled but it fell through and got canceled because i didnt fill out the online form in time so have to reschedule. This is to confirm whether i really am transgender and i think i am ever since i was born.
I was on these boards like 2 years ago on a different account but i forgot my username and password.
I played golf two years ago at Highland Links near Provincetown on Cape Cod.
I doubt anyone in Provincetown cares about your gender.
Welcome back, Lunaria! I've only been here a few months and look forward to getting to know you.
I look forward to it too Dances, i cant wait to make lots of friends here who are similar to me and not feel so lonely. And ok Northern Star Girl thank you, it feels great to be back. i will definitely email you with that bit of information, however my previous email used for my other account got deleted because someone hacked my email at the time so they deleted it. It might not be able to get recovered in this case or my old account is just straight up gone and disappeared. Ill tell you my username though as i think i remember it now.
@Maid Marion: Honestly most people dont think about gender very much because it doesnt concern and affect them, only in situations and experience like ours. Also when it comes to sexual orientation or preference and who you want to date and be in a relationship with but too many toxic people out there want to hurt us and make us believe and feel like we're less than human or that we're bad shameful people for being different and wont leave us alone and let us live our lives the way we want in peace and let us be who we are and they are overly judgmental. We're not harming anyone, what we feel isnt wrong or unrealistic, its actually natural but the idea confuses many people and they are ignorant about trans. We dont have trans therapists and experts for no reason and my therapist happens to be trans herself so she will understand how i feel. Society is dominated by patriarchy also, so its frowned upon when what they see as a man acting and behaving womanly and being feminine.
Its not meaningless to be trans though, but i feel lost, worried, and confused on what i should do. There's this girl im talking to that i have feelings for and a romantic interest for a relationship so she can be my significant other and future wife but she views me as a man. I really dont know what to do or how she'd react if i told her i was transgender. Should i not transition in fear of not being together with her anymore? If i start taking HRT there's no turning back, its irreversible. So its kind of a problem im having, i do want to start getting serious with her.
Sorry idk if this is the right thread to ask, but it is just bothering me and i'm embarrassed to tell her.
What you shouldn't do is to dress androgynously all the time, in that uncanny valley between male and female. While this can be very sexy, eliciting strong emotions in people, this is dangerous territory to be in all the time. Instead, I suggest dressing either male or female, so folks won't give you a second glance. If you want to attract attention you may do that, but aware that attracting attention may be dangerous. There may be times and places where you can do that safely.
You may consider relocating to a safer place to live. Cities tend to be more accepting of us. You may not have to travel far.
It is hard to transition in place, where people may remember you before. You may want to relocate for that reason. To get a new start in a new place.
It is likely that I'm one of the most well known private citizens in the town I live. I grow an amazing flower garden that people visit when they walk around the neighborhood. I've moved my most fragrant roses to a row just off the sidewalk. They also see it on their commute to work. I got a thank you note from a commuter!
Ill try to take your suggestions and advice, thank you. Some people act like we dont belong or fit in with society, its crazy. I hope i never get hurt again, i wish we would just all get along as human beings but some people thrive on hurting and hating others even to the point of committing crimes against us and oppose us so much.
I crossdress and have attracted both unwanted and wanted attention, some guy said i identify as something i dont have i quote. Its insane. But while another guy said i was very beautiful. Of course i was wearing makeup too but all this doesnt define us or who we are and our sense of self, its merely trying to look more feminine. Women didnt always have makeup and some dont even put it on.
I dress male most of the time right now, not a cross between male and female and if i crossdress its all female dressing, no mixing the two. I still have to confirm if im non binary with the therapist. Think i am though.
I dont know about the big cities, that is a maybe, i own land in a very small town. I'm not sure id want to sell it and move somewhere else. The city is only 45 miles away so its relatively close by and near me. I dont know ill think about it to see if that would be the best option. I prefer to live in a more quiet and less chaotic place.
Id like to start over or restart after i decide to transition in order to get a fresh brand new start in life and live as myself easier and nothing reminding others of how i was before or what i looked like, i dont want to take the risk and chance of getting hurt. Its a tough choice and one that scares me a little but also is very exciting to me. That's really awesome about your flower garden and how successful you have been with it and that was very nice and polite and respectful of the commuter, that's some coincidence. I do intend and plan on growing things on my property but no one is going to notice it because my land is so remote and secluded, in the middle of nowhere. I guess i moved out so far off the beaten path is because when i do finally transition no one will know where i live and come bother or harass me. Neighbor is like a mile away and i doubt she'd do anything.
Quote from: Maid Marion on July 11, 2025, 04:46:52 AMWhat you shouldn't do is to dress androgynously all the time, in that uncanny valley between male and female. While this can be very sexy, eliciting strong emotions in people, this is dangerous territory to be in all the time. Instead, I suggest dressing either male or female, so folks won't give you a second glance. If you want to attract attention you may do that, but aware that attracting attention may be dangerous. There may be times and places where you can do that safely.
You may consider relocating to a safer place to live. Cities tend to be more accepting of us. You may not have to travel far.
It is hard to transition in place, where people may remember you before. You may want to relocate for that reason. To get a new start in a new place.
It is likely that I'm one of the most well known private citizens in the town I live. I grow an amazing flower garden that people visit when they walk around the neighborhood. I've moved my most fragrant roses to a row just off the sidewalk. They also see it on their commute to work. I got a thank you note from a commuter!
I'm sorry, but I don't think that is correct, helpful, or anyone's business to be declaring.
Everyone should present the way they're comfortable presenting. Full stop.
Hugs, Devlyn
You know, i actually agree Devlyn. Why let others discourage you and hinder you from being happy and comfortable? Nothing should be a reluctance if it isnt hurting them or a crime. Its called being free and freedom and independent.
Welcome back and welcome aboard Lunaria!... Your life and days ahead are like wet clay to shape in the ways that best serve you! All good things to you as you make those artistic decisions... I know you will shape a masterpiece!
Onward Brave Sister!
Ashley 💕
Hi LunariaMy name is
Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you back to Susan's Place!
I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.
It is good to see that you have returned and shared your story. Wearing feminine clothes harms no one so enjoy the calm and confidence those outfits give you. Mixed reactions from others can sting yet they reflect only their comfort not your value. The stranger who called you beautiful saw your genuine self.
You have already taken a smart step by booking a new appointment with a gender aware therapist. Professional guidance will help you confirm how you identify and decide whether medical care suits your goals. When you reschedule ask if the clinic follows an informed consent model so you will know the safety checks before starting hormones. Medicine from a regulated pharmacy gives accurate doses and regular monitoring which protect your health far better than any online source.
Living on remote land brings peace although it can feel lonely. The city is only forty five miles away so you might visit a support group there while keeping your quiet home base. This forum also offers steady conversation whenever you need it.
Passing worries are common. Hormones voice work and everyday practice all help yet confidence grows mainly from seeing your reflection match how you feel inside. A good therapist can give realistic expectations so the mirror feels like an ally not a critic.
You care about a woman who currently sees you as male. Honest dialogue is essential. Share your feelings at a pace that respects both her comfort and your safety. Many couples remain strong once they understand each other's needs.
Each step you take such as attending the appointment choosing supervised care and talking with loved ones moves you closer to living peacefully in your own skin. The community is here to support you.
Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads. I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.
In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.
Please keep in mind when posting that this is an
ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.
Take care and all the best for the future.
Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@Devlyn @Jessica_Rose @Mariah @Northern Star Girl @Lori Dee @Lunaria
@Sarah B Yes exactly, that is true and ive always had feelings since i was a young kid that i might be trans and crossdressed and makeup, it felt more natural and comfortable than wearing male clothes. So that was a red flag that i wasnt the typical "male". My physical body doesnt harmoniously match my authentic gender identity of my brain and personality and behavior and habits. When i wear female clothes and put on makeup its more obviously shown and i dont have to pretend or be a fake male.
I do need to grow my hair out a bit more i would prefer, my hair is short right now and very male style. My glasses have round cute lenses like most women wear, i used to have more of square of rectangle ones. Im thinking about showing a picture of myself on here. Im curious and wondering what you all would think. Of course not being on HRT yet i am still retaining much maleness in my looks though. Im a little shy about showing pictures of myself, recently i got involved with a woman who said i was fat and disgusting by me sending her my picture. Very rude, disrespectful, and judgmental and hurtful of her to say.
I am quite nervous and scared about talking to a therapist and getting on HRT and medical intervention in order to transition but at the same time if my therapist declares that i should then it will be liberating and confirm what i always suspected of myself. Its an exciting thing to think about and a huge change in my life that will be beneficial and help me in the end i think, to be able to live physically as the woman i always been inside. I thought about online sources but a doctor's supervision and care is much safer. I may have to pay out of pocket though or with credit card as i heard my health insurance doesnt cover it which is sad and a pity. It used to but now it doesnt anymore. It doesnt really matter though, i can definitely afford it and continue to pay for it for years. To put it simply enough, it will be worth it to do.
Its good to be here and thank you for your support and considerate words, it can be lonely especially since i live alone. I might go to a support group, there's a possibility i can make more friends who live closer to me also and share our similar experience, perspectives, and journey being trans.
I think i'd pass, im kind of a big girl as in tall but not very manly looking outside of having annoying hair that i want removed. Im not muscular, already have kind of breast development going on due to medication i take for another issue, the reason for that i might make a post about in regards to HRT but wont talk about in this thread even though its a concern. My breasts are small but not every woman has D cup breasts. It also helps when putting a bra on when crossdressing its not just a flat chest making the bra feel more natural and comfortable. What i dont like the most is when people compare you with another trans and say that person looks better. Its not just about how you look being trans. It goes much deeper and in depth and not so superficial or shallow.
Its complicated and tough, i dont know her views on trans people yet but before i straight up tell her i might be trans i might ask her some questions pertaining to transgender. I dont want to lose her or have her stop talking to me and abandon me. I am really in love with her and enjoy being together with her. Even if she has unfavorable and negative views and doesnt approve, if she accepts me out of love then that's all i really need. I dont know if she likes other women too and is bisexual but ill find out eventually.
Ill explain more details about myself in other posts but my male given name is Chris, just for starters. So my name should be Christina i think, in fact Lunaria is just a nickname i use.
Edit: The girl also said i was ugly and probably never been in a relationship which she is wrong, ive been in many. I ended up blocking her, moving on from that nonsense.
@Lunaria Dear Lunaria: (aka: Christina)I have been enjoying reading your postings as you express your thoughts and comments.
The Susan's Place Forum is a very good place to share your feelings, your successes
and even your disappointments as continue in your journey.
When you share good news all of us on the Forum will rejoice with you and when you share
not-so-good news we will all give you our ears to listen and our shoulders for you to
lean on.
Regarding your comment about showing a picture of yourself here on the Forum, you don't
have to worry about what your readers and follows will think; our reactions will be
supportive in every way.
All of us that are in our transition journeys are a work-in-progress as we continue on.
It is quite normal to be "nervous and scared" about talking to your therapist with the
goal of starting HRT which will be one of the bigger steps in transitioning.
If you need assistance with anything related to how to do things on the Forum, including
eventually posting a picture of yourself, please know that I am always available to help.
Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl] Direct private Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
The Forum Administrator
Quote from: Lunaria on July 12, 2025, 12:30:28 PMI am quite nervous and scared about talking to a therapist and getting on HRT and medical intervention in order to transition but at the same time if my therapist declares that i should then it will be liberating and confirm what i always suspected of myself. Its an exciting thing to think about and a huge change in my life that will be beneficial and help me in the end i think, to be able to live physically as the woman i always been inside. I thought about online sources but a doctor's supervision and care is much safer.
Your therapist should never tell you what to do. They will ask questions and ask you what YOU want to do. The decision is yours, as many transgender people choose to do nothing. The therapist's function is to determine if you have other issues going on that may seem like gender dysphoria. Once they diagnose that it is gender dysphoria, then any medical transition that you want to do becomes "medically necessary". Under the current regime, many insurance companies have stopped covering gender affirming care, but a clever doctor can diagnose a medical condition that has nothing to do with gender affirming care, so they may bypass insurance coverage hurdles.
For example, the VA stopped covering hair removal because it is considered "cosmetic". My diagnosis of gender dysphoria then made hair removal "medically necessary". Then the VA stopped most gender affirming care, so my doctor diagnosed me with hirsutism (excessive facial hair in women). Since I just moved to Colorado this week, I have not had a chance yet to follow up with a new doctor to see if the VA will cover hair removal for hirsutism. Likewise, my hormones say on the prescription label "For Hormone Replacement," which is valid for males, females, or transgender.
The other function of a therapist is someone who can help you understand what you are going through. It is embarrassing to talk about sensitive subjects like this with a stranger. As a retired hypnotherapist, I can assure you that your therapist has heard it all before, so you are not going to shock them. They are trained professionals and work in that field because they enjoy helping people with problems, and you will encounter problems. It is nice to have someone to talk to about anything, who will understand, and can give you another perspective on things. We can get very caught up in our own thoughts and feelings until we have tunnel vision and cannot see things any other way.
I think you have made some good decisions about the best way to proceed to effect the best outcome for you. We all wish you the very best. Feel free to come back here and let us know how things are going, to just vent, or ask for advice. We are here to help.
Welcome to Susan's Place!
Welcome back, Lunaira. I apologize for being so late in welcoming you. You've already had so much wonderful advice for people here so I won't duplicate that except to add a thought on passing.
As has been noted, passing is a relative term and, in many cases meaningless. Who defines it? Each of us, CIS or transgender, are different and we reflect a wide range of body characteristics. Going by what many consider "traditional characteristics" would eliminate a large portion of the CIS population from being "passable."
I read an article a few months ago of the subject and it offered that we should focus on being "presentable." Neat, clean, appropriately dressed for the occasion, smiling and confident. Confidence in ourselves along with finding self-love makes a huge amount of difference in how other perceive us, IMHO.
We've all been where you are at some point. I'm only 2.5 years into transition now at age 70 and just starting GAHT. We're here to help, to celebrate your wins and offer a shoulder when you need it. Not every day is a good day, but if you look for it you can always find something good in every day.
Ill reply to all this soon, another girl i was interested in because im not sure if the other one i mentioned really has feelings for me yet but this girl blocked me because i told her im not going to send her another picture of me (of course looking male because she doesnt know). Depressed about that other girl saying i was ugly i was being dumb and stupid and took things out on her by saying no. Im emotionally hurt and upset and mad at myself right now and sad. I feel like crying a little bit, i cant seem to stay in contact with people for very long because of my conflicting feelings of being trans and also pretending to be a guy towards these women. Its always been like this for me. All my relationships with only women have been stressful and complicated but my ex girlfriend was the worst. Its frustrating.
Who knows, maybe she'll unblock me in the future, she did say she was having a bad and hard situation and time and having a lot of problems and struggling so once things get better for her maybe she'll feel like talking again and forgive me. I hope. I should have just shown and shared her another picture. A mistake was made and im disappointed in myself and regret it.
I am surprised she blocked me though after our very long and good staying in touch and meaningful conversations, i wasnt expecting it. Its my fault, i probably offended her and hurt her feelings on top of everything else she's going through and dealing with like PTSD. She didnt need my silliness and nonsense and apparent drama from the other girl.
I feel a little better but still sad that it was a goodbye, but she deleted her account not blocked me. Her last words to me were "Im going to have to wish you well unfortunately" :(
@Lunaria ❤️❤️❤️
HUGS and more HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Quote from: Lunaria on July 13, 2025, 09:57:53 PMI feel a little better but still sad that it was a goodbye, but she deleted her account not blocked me. Her last words to me were "Im going to have to wish you well unfortunately" :(
I know it hurts, and I am sorry to read this. If I might put a positive spin on it for you, she was just being honest, knowing it wouldn't work out between you. She said goodbye in a polite way. She could have been very nasty about it.
I, too, have always had problems with relationships with women. If we are friends, it is great. More than that, and things get weird. I have been married three times and had a few girlfriends and female roommates in between. I couldn't make the relationships work. In my Story (linked below), I explain what happened.
I did not know I was transgender during any of it. I learned that later. But the combination of being an introvert, asexual, and transgender put too much stress on the male role I was expected to play. A role that I was not comfortable in anyway. This, then, put a huge strain on the relationships.
It wasn't until I sought therapy to figure out why my relationships kept failing that I learned about who I am and how that affected my relationships (and still does today). Perhaps a therapist can help you sort out your feelings, too. Over the years, it has helped me tremendously to understand my own behaviors and how they affect others.
Hugs!
Eh, i dont know anymore. I pretty much give up. I tried for nothing and wasted time.