Okay, I've made my decision. It's not been an easy decision to make, but I've considered everything and this is the best way. It may seem a bit sudden and random, but I always knew this was an option. It's not what I want exactly, but it's what I need for the sake of everyone. I'll probably still be posting here now and then, but I can't do this anymore.
I have GCSEs in 12 goddamn weeks, I start A level work in September. I can't be dwelling on all this gender business, I need to get my act together. My work ethic is terrible. I need to take a step back from all this. I'm not going to forget about it, or forget about you people, this site, but I need to centre myself on school to build myself up enough to have something to fall back on when my life comes crashing back down and reality hits me again. It's not ideal for my mental well-being, but it's what's best, all things considered.
I'm not going into denial, there's no denying how I feel, but I'm just going to pretend that this doesn't exist for two years. I'll see how I feel once I have the opportunity and ability to support myself and get the hell out of this stupid, narrow minded and suffocating little town. It's not hard to pretend. This won't kill me or anything, but if I mess up the next two school years, I won't survive in the "wider world". And I know me. I know I'm the biggest damn coward ever. I couldn't take the stress of having everyone in the school hate and harass me. I can just imagine, RLT in school = abuse from people two feet shorter than me. I know that would happen. That would just be humiliating.
So as much as I've appreciated this site, I'm going to try not to think about it. It's too much.
I'll miss you - Steven.
Take care, Steven. That's a very mature decision you've made. Hope to see you back in a couple of years, whether you decide to transition or not.
Dennis
Yeah, Steven, ditto what Dennis said. Know that you will remain in our hearts, minds, and prayers and are welcome to return anytime.
Godspeed.
XO,
Valerie
Steven,
I wish you luck in your studies and your decision to concentrate on what you feel is most important right now. Hard work can be a pallative to many kinds of distress as long as you remember to pull back every once in a while (but seldom, no use destroying your discipline!) to keep yourself as healthy as possible.
If you feel too distressed, drop us a note, vent and then disappear again for awhile. A small drop of that kind of therapy may be what you need to keep going.
Then, when you come back, tell us how you're at the head of the class!
helen :)
Hey Steven,
Concentrating on your school work is an excellent decision. You have made an excellent choice. By immersing yourself you should be fine and better prepared to do what you need gender wise later. Good luck. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
Cassie
Well Steven I wish I had taken the time to complete my education when the opportunity was there. I hated to play catch-up. You've made a great decision, not that you needed us to tell you that :) I hope that everything turns out as you've planned.
You know where to find us.
Take care,
Steph
Thank you for all your kind words and support everyone! I'll make sure I stay in contact.