I have a big problem and unfortunately, non TS people can not understand me or give me a piece of advice
A few years ago, when i had not yet started transition, love was never an issue for me..I needed just friends, my family and occasional sex.At the age of 19 my philosophy about life changed completely, I had to become a woman (my real sex). Being a boy was very stressful for me. The story is the pretty much the same after that.hormones etc......
However, my dipression grew more. In addition to that, love came along:( He was a very sweet and handsome boy 2 years younger than me, completely str8, completely narrow minded.
I decided to become friend with him, without telling him i am not a natal girl.(I have not evet gone through srs)
A week later he told me he was madly in love with my and he wanted us to make an affair. I told him i am not ready for a sexual relationship because i come from a very religious family and sex is out of the question.I liked him but i was not in love.I just wanted his friendship, and i was so flattered he fell in love, that i said yes to his proposal.
During the next months, we became excellent friends,we were making out a lote(no sex!!) and he took me to his family, who really loved me.I am invited for dinner almost every week.
Now -11 months after- my boyfriend has started having doubts about the normality of this relationship. I see doubts in his eyes.Sometimes he is afraid of me and my mystery. The main problem is a fell in love too. I am so in love i cry every single night. He once asked me.Please tell me what is your problem.I want to help you. I was so close to telling him, but i did not
I KNOW He does not like TS, we were seeing NIP TUCK in the summer where the son;s girlfrined turned out to be trans, and my boyfriend fricked. He said. Oh my god. ->-bleeped-<-gets( i don not know the spelling. i mean gays in a very slang way)) are dangerous thesedays.
Ok you will say he is not worth trying.But when he is with me he is so polite.so different,so caring. I have seen him with his friends and i can say, With me his completely different
Last week we had a fight, and i realised that this relationship will come to an end soon. so i got the blues.In a very extreme way. I can not risk to lose him. But i do not want to make him a TS hater for the rest of his life.Because do you imagine what will happen if he finds out his first love was ts( something he strongly dislikes)
Suicide seems to be the only option. i was suicidal before, especially after starting my hormone regiment, but my boyfriend helped me a lot. now the cure to my emotional problems, seems to be the cause of it.
Can anyone help???? pLease do not judge me wrong:( i was in need of lovE:( and gay men were not an option for me:(
Hi, Deniz,
I know the need for love and many years of crying. You could be my granddaughter. That is how long I have carried what I carry.
It is best IMHO, that you keep your TS status to yourself. Why buy trouble, now and in the future, when you can get it for free simply by waking each day? Aside from pissing this guy off because he fell in love with a pre-op TS, what else do you hope to do? Guys are crazy enough at 17, not to mention at 21 or later. Perhaps you'll still be living in that town. What will you do?
Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
I know tears. Mine have been with me for 40 years.
Fix your mistake by breaking it off before it's too late.
I hope that you land safely.
Wing Walker
if only i had more ts people in my town:( i read your opinions and sharing my pain helps a lot. I do not know what i hope. Maybe that he loves me so much and he will stay no matter what.yes,keep dreaming you would say. And no matter how homophobic my bf is, with me his is an angel:(sometimes when i cry he just can;t stand watching me like this and he cries with me.He is sensitive sweet and prejudiced:(
what a difficult life:(to me only the pursuit of love matters.and when we sleep together hugging throughout the night i feel it is a God sent love.
He is so proud of me.I am beautiful educated,kind,pure to his eyes.
After revealing my secret i will just be to him,something to be ashamed of:(
I must have been a very bad person in my previous life\
Quote from: deniz on February 13, 2008, 04:06:00 AM
I must have been a very bad person in my previous life\
Thats the most saddening thing I read the last few days...
Dont tell yourself that hun, or try not to...youre a woman, a special one....one that stands up and says "I am what I am , I cant fool the world I am male" I envy many transsexuals that transition or try to, its so powerful
I am a transgender myself ( I think)..sometimes I wished I was born a girl if I had the choice..I guess you can recognize that. You can become what you ought to be ( I hope)... I cant choose between male and female so...I really respect you
Did that all make sense at all? I am ranting a bit today ???
Love,
Vincent
Quote from: Veetje on February 13, 2008, 04:21:36 AM
Quote from: deniz on February 13, 2008, 04:06:00 AM
I must have been a very bad person in my previous life\
Thats the most saddening thing I read the last few days...
Dont tell yourself that hun, or try not to...youre a woman, a special one....one that stands up and says "I am what I am , I cant fool the world I am male" I envy many transsexuals that transition or try to, its so powerful
I am a transgender myself ( I think)..sometimes I wished I was born a girl if I had the choice..I guess you can recognize that. You can become what you ought to be ( I hope)... I cant choose between male and female so...I really respect you
Did that all make sense at all? I am ranting a bit today ???
Love,
Vincent
Thank you a lot for your sympathy and warm words Vincent,
But since you are trangendered your self you can understand my agony and pain.Moreover, i feel alone: in this country:(All i have is my bf who does not konw about me and my parents who do not understand me. Everytime i tried to find someone like me, all i found was sex maniac people obsessed with becoming women so as to make money though sex. I am so angry to them:(BUT I AM SO ANGRY TO ME TOO.if all i cared about was sex and fun maybe things would be better. My sister told me. Why are you depressed. yOu are prettier than me. You can fool men easily:( .So who can i talk to. They thing people change sex because they want to be desired by men (or women to ftm). At some extend i decided to change my apperance because one of the things that made NO SENSE TO ME, was to be desired by women, and not being able to desire and have men. But it was not sex,It was the fact that LIFE,LOVE,RELATIONSHIPS made no sense with me being a boy.
My therapist is stupid but the only available in my town.An specialised therapist is 700 kilometres away.i Can not afford it. So no help from him either.
Hi Deniz welcome to Susan's
Well now it would appear that we have had a similar relationship. Mine was back in 62. I ran away from home at the age of 15 with just the intent to explore different real estate, but I also had a destination, New-york City to join the hippies. Well as it all began to unfold my only worldly belongings were in this bag made out of a bed sheet and twenty dollars I had stolen from a mason jar my mom kept in the kitchen pantry.
Well I entered a diner and ordered something to eat and I spotted three hippies sitting at a cubicle on the opposite side of the dinner. Well, I was lucky, as I walked by this really good looking blond haired blue eyed kid had caught my attention and I tripped over my own feet as I looking at him. I nearly stumbled towards their table and finally got my equilibrium back before I went sailing head long into their table. I was some embarrassed, I was certainly surprised that he spoke to me and gestured for me to sit with him on his side of the table. Afterwards we, his two friends and I rode in his mini Volkswagen van, a few miles to the commune. Back then with my butt length hair I guess I really did pass as a girl. I was even quartered with the girls which consisted of mostly runaways like myself.
I was there for a couple of years, as our relationship grew into intimacy. I had certainly fallen head over heals in love with this blue eyed blond haired kid. Then things really began to slide down hill. The commune was no longer a safe place to stay. My beloved told me I would have to leave. He drove me to the edge of the city and there we sadly parted company and the flood gates had opened as I watched his Volkswagen minivan disappear among other cars on the freeway.
I wonder how many other individuals nowadays as well as back in those days come this close to completely passing as a girl without the hormones. I realised that sooner or later I would have to tell him my secret, or simply just disappear into the night. Well I suppose that this difficult decision was now out of my hands as it had already been decided or me, fate? maybe, but I don't think so. Maybe the gods were watching over me.
Cindy
Great story Cindy:) And wonderfully told:) you remind me of Jenie in Forrest Gump movie
But realize theres also MtF's that like girls ( or both) and FtM's that like men (or both). There are more of them than you think ::)
I like women and men myself...
Thank you Deniz. Forest Gump, well I certainly did a good job of beating both Gump and Stomping Tom when it came to exploring real-estate. All of the eastern states and from coast to coast of Canada. Next summer Wing Walker and I are going to do some exploring of the West coast of US and a possibility of going to Australia as well in the future. Have a wonderful morning hon. When I depart this world I pray that it will be during a road trip. Gypsy Cindy
Cindy
Hello Deniz........
You are certainly in a precarious situation, where there is no "happy ending". But, don't think of it as and ending, but as a transition into a better, honest relationship with someone who can love you for who you are. Your life now is all about transition, and transition comes in many areas of your life besides your body. You are so very very young, and like Wing Walker, I'm an old lady (Okay, WW....olDER). I hate to sound like a grandmother, Deniz, but I think you need the advice of one now.
You need to break it off right away. Waiting is not a good choice. Don't tell him you are transsexual...DO NOT! He loves you at this very minute, but when he finds out you are pre-op, post-op, whatever, he may very well become violent. Bigots can be a lot like pit bulls. They can turn on a loved one in an instant (please everybody, don't inundate me with pit bulls are nice nice. Some other time)
Anyway, Deniz, your boyfriend may turn on you out of hatred, ignorance, fear, or spite for deceiving him, and only possibly regret his damaging or fatal reaction later when it is too late. Or, he may feel justified. He is a bigot. Your job in life now is to survive in a world that can be dangerous to us, and you must do everything at all times to make sure you are never in a dangerous situation.
You ARE in a dangerous situation, right now. Break it off, tell him there is someone else. Tell him anything at all. Break his heart. But PLEASE....don't tell him you are ts.
Tough, I know, but it's the best advice I have
You have friends here
Bev
Break it off. Tell him that you no longer wish to be with him. You have led him along for too long and he shows no sign of understanding. So don't tell him about your TS status.
You have betrayed him and he will not be able to deal with the truth. He may become violent.
If you think you like someone, you need to tell them sooner after probing their potential acceptance. Don't ever lead someone along like this. The results are seldom positive.
I'm sorry to be so blunt.
Cindi
I think and fear Cindi is right ^^
DO NOT TELL HIM. Of course, any advice you get on this forum is not as good as what you know, yourself, to be true. You know what he is like and what he will accept and what he will not. The impression I get from your post is that he will not accept this, and it will only make a bad situation worse. Break it off without coming out; it would only end badly.
Lia
I quite agree with genovais. Break it off or if you still feel like telling him the truth I would suggest you move to another country and tell him on the phone. But really I was in the same situation when I was 16 and knew I would have to tell him, but I knew if I did, well I didn't want to tell him for fear of hurting him. Never gave it a thought it could go the other way. It's a good thing that my deciding whether or not I should tell him or not was taken out of my hands.
Cindy
thank you all for your replies. I guess it is the right to decision to make.But my heart is bleeding.I am so in love:((Having srs very soon srs would it make things any better?To be honest stealth way is my goal:(:(
he is going to the army this summer so i would have 1 year of privacy to do my genitals right.Do you thing it is a decision of despair?
Quote from: deniz on February 14, 2008, 03:02:03 AM
Having srs very soon srs would it make things any better?
Hard to tell from this distance, but your first post sounds like it probably would not.
Quote from: deniz on February 14, 2008, 03:02:03 AM
To be honest stealth way is my goal:(:(
he is going to the army this summer so i would have 1 year of privacy to do my genitals right.
Even so, being in deep enough stealth to marry someone who cannot accept transsexuality is a bit extreme. Could you risk the matter coming up after you've been married for a few years? Could
you live with that kind of dishonesty?
Quote from: deniz on February 14, 2008, 03:02:03 AM
Do you thing it is a decision of despair?
No. Distress and broken hearts, yes, but not quite despair. You will get over it eventually, and it's better to break up now than to stay in a relationship where the person you love has an irrational fear and loathing for something very central to your being.
That could easily end in despair, and more broken body parts than just the heart.
Or it could end well, with you being able to educate him out of his bigotry. He is young, after all. It's very much a risk, though, and the biggest risks involve your own safety. And while I don't know the US army very well, my guess is that their basic training isn't exactly the best environment to start the process towards embracing gender variance.
Nfr
Quote from: deniz on February 14, 2008, 03:02:03 AM
thank you all for your replies. I guess it is the right to decision to make.But my heart is bleeding.I am so in love:((Having srs very soon srs would it make things any better?To be honest stealth way is my goal:(:(
he is going to the army this summer so i would have 1 year of privacy to do my genitals right.Do you thing it is a decision of despair?
Hon, having that kind of a secret in a relationship - well, it always comes out eventually, and when it does, it destroys everything. Sadly the only thing you really can do is break it off - he's going to want to know why, beg and plead for you to stay, but I suppose the best you can do is tell him that he simply wouldn't understand. Don't tell him while in a relationship - judging by how homophobic he sounds, he WILL react very badly. As sweet as he is, it sounds like he has deep issues that might explode violently.
If you must tell him, wait until you two are separated, and you preferably from his friends as well. Moving to a different country does sound about right.
I'm so sorry dear-heart.
Simone
Ok. I get it. I think i will say that i can not wait during him being in the army and i will brake up.However, i realise there is not a single one of you that could be optimist, or romantic enough to let me hope:(
thank you though.I know you are trying to protect me from a hate crime
Quote from: deniz on February 14, 2008, 06:11:23 AM
...i realise there is not a single one of you that could be optimist, or romantic enough to let me hope:(
I'm sorry hon. We just don't want you to get hurt.
Perhaps Renate is right though - write a letter, but don't allow him to read it until he's left for the army, and make sure any friends he has can't get to you. At the end of the day it's your call - you need to make the decision based on your understanding of the situation and the risks you are willing to take - we can only give incomplete advice, because we are not in your shoes.
Honey he is gonna wanna hava sex before he leaves...
Hate crimes aside, lets say you tell him, then you are out....
Everyone everywhere will know your secret...
That is if he leaves, just recently there was another couple who the woman was outed by police officers to her husband, he went home and almost beat her to death.... Happened less than a month ago.
You put yourself into a dangerous situation out of desire to be loved, and honestly it was not fair of you to do.
I think personally that you need to set aside your desire, and show love back to him by breaking it off.
In many ways if you love him, you will let him go.
Finding out something like that will be with him forever, he will think "I have been kissing a guy for years"
good luck hun and just my .02
Deniz sweety... Im a total hopeless romantic, but even I know when to bow out...
Love is a hard and terrable thing to loose, and it will leave a very large bleeding wound in your heart... but its a survivable wound... If you tell him and he or his friends become violent you may not live thorugh it... or if you do you may wish they had finished the job...
This guy sounds like the type that is not only hateful but would have hateful friends <I knew his type in the past> Id not put your safety or aninimity at risk by coming out to him... ESPECIALY if hes going into the military...
Sweety, I know its hard, but let him go... Ittle be better for the both of you... but especialy you
I think LA told the truth when she said: "Hon, having that kind of a secret in a relationship - well, it always comes out eventually, and when it does, it destroys everything." In this case I'm sure the second part is right, and that destruction will be hard on you, but part one: it always comes out eventually - you can take that to the bank. There are too many ways to find out, too easy in the course of living with someone day in and day out in an intimate relationship to slip. You can do stealth in a lot of places, but this ain't one of them.
PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT tell him your secret, Deniz. I agree with everyone here, he will hurt you. You may not want to believe that, but he will! You have seen the best of him, and he has only seen of you what you want him to see. When you tell him the truth, you will no longer see the best of him.
Break it off now and just walk away. No harm done.
Yes your heart will be breaking, but he could put you in hospital or worse, and the whole town is going to judge you in the worst possible way because they will find out too!
Of course, I would love a happy ending, but I'm sorry Deniz, given his age and how he HATES gays and TGs, he will honestly destroy you as you have definitely deceived him. No happy ending here, I'm sorry.
buttercup
Hi Deniz hon, if it is romance and fantasizing you desire I would be more then happy to share some. It was romance and fantasizing that kept me alive praying and dreaming of being a wonderful magical princess with her prince, day dreaming of romantic days ahead of me.
I actually acted out my fantasies in reality. I my apartment, in the woods out back and ah, yes. the beach during the day among many other folks sharing the beach. I use to go with my friend Tracy to visit others her friends, dressed as the real me. Driving to another town dressed as me. There was also a time where I would totally get lost in story writing.
At least these were safe ways for me to express who I was inside. I think the whole town knew about me before I even came out full time but the folks with the telephonitis were getting it all wrong so I figured it was time to come out and show them who I really was.
If you wish you may PM me.
Cindy
Being a Transexual, or transgendered, or whatever - is NEVER a license to lie.
The truth makes you free at any rate, so said some wise man.
What kind of life would it be for you to have to watch every world, each reference in the fear that you might slip? That's a hell of slavery, one heck of a human bondage to be in, one of your own making.
Besides, how much more powerful is your story when told in truth, rather than fiction? How much better is it for someone to love you for what you are, rather than what they expect?
Hi my stories are just that, either fantasy or reality and I still know one from the other but I find sometimes fantasy is a good place to be when taking a break from to much reality. Wing Walker learned from me how to play fantasy. She had never indulged before.
Cindy
Quote from: buttercup on February 14, 2008, 02:40:54 PM
PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT tell him your secret, Deniz. I agree with everyone here, he will hurt you. You may not want to believe that, but he will! You have seen the best of him, and he has only seen of you what you want him to see. When you tell him the truth, you will no longer see the best of him.
Break it off now and just walk away. No harm done.
Yes your heart will be breaking, but he could put you in hospital or worse, and the whole town is going to judge you in the worst possible way because they will find out too!
Of course, I would love a happy ending, but I'm sorry Deniz, given his age and how he HATES gays and TGs, he will honestly destroy you as you have definitely deceived him. No happy ending here, I'm sorry.
buttercup
+1 :-*
GIVEN: that no person has a right to inflict violence on another person except to protect themselves or others from certain violence committed upon them.
So, does he not have a right to be slightly miffed? Upset? Mad? You lied to him, and no one I've ever met likes to be lied to.
Deniz......
I am hopelessly romantic, but genuinely realistic. Some advice can get you hurt, or killed. Sound advice will keep you alive, and him out of jail. Turn and walk away without outting yourself. Remember him as gentle and sweet, not as a blurry image beating you up.
Bev
Quote from: Seshatneferw on February 14, 2008, 05:46:04 AMEven so, being in deep enough stealth to marry someone who cannot accept transsexuality is a bit extreme. Could you risk the matter coming up after you've been married for a few years?
I understand the need to be stealth. In fact, I am stealth at both of my jobs, but a person can carry it too far.
I used to know a TS who had been married to her husband for 25 years and he did not know. They were not doing well at the time and I imagine they are divorced now, but I do not know for sure. She didn't have to spend much energy keeping it from him because her old life was so far behind her, but I believe she definitely wasn't perfectly okay with the situation. She never talked about being TS, even though she was in an environment of TS's. Most of the time if someone brought it up she became nasty about it. One time she had to get a passport, but she had to have her best friend prepare and send the application because she was too scared to have her birth certificate in the same house with her husband, lest he find it and discover her.
Since I knew her in the early days of my transition, her life gave me hope that you can live and pass as a normal woman. But at the same time it kind of taught me the lesson about jumping from one closet into another. I suspect that deep down this woman really would have liked someone to talk to about who she really was. Just my humble opinion, though.
Deniz, I think you should break up with him. I can see dating someone for a month or two and then telling them once you have gotten to know them, but not after almost a year. I don't mean offense by this, but that just seems like lying.
Good luck!
Amy
Quote from: LynnER on February 14, 2008, 12:07:38 PM
Deniz sweety... Im a total hopeless romantic, but even I know when to bow out...
Love is a hard and terrable thing to loose, and it will leave a very large bleeding wound in your heart... but its a survivable wound... If you tell him and he or his friends become violent you may not live thorugh it... or if you do you may wish they had finished the job...
This guy sounds like the type that is not only hateful but would have hateful friends <I knew his type in the past> Id not put your safety or aninimity at risk by coming out to him... ESPECIALY if hes going into the military...
Sweety, I know its hard, but let him go... Ittle be better for the both of you... but especialy you
Deniz,
I have read through this thread and i have to agree. It's time to break it off, hon.
I know it hurts, but that is the best thing you can do
for both of you.Please don't let your heart make you a sad statistic on the Day of Rememberance - the day when we remember those who were killed in hate crimes.
Think about this as well. If he is about to be deployed, his mind won't be on the job at hand. I think the vets here would all agree that if your mind is elsewhere when you are "in country," it can get you and others killed.
If you love him, then you have to let him go so he doesn't get killed either.Chaunte
You might be surprised what he will think. Some guys put on a front like that to show off his manhood for his girl. I had a friend like this that I grew up with. And he still acted like this even knowing that I am IS because he looked at me as a girl (Even tho he didn't say anything bad to me directly). One day he tells me that he is in love with me and how he acted changed. Sometimes its hard to know how people will act or what they will say. The guy I live with now even acts like that sometimes, sometimes I wonder if its the way of men LOL. Its hard for anyone to give you good advice on your position, because you don't know whats the right way to go. I can say this, someday it will have to come out. This is a very hard thing to do and to deal with, but you can only carry a secret so far. What you have to do is break it in on your terms and hope for the best. If you let things break down in the relationship and you two move apart without you ever telling him, you are going to wonder for the rest of your life the what if's and the maybe I should of done this or that. Because from the sound of it this secret is going to break you too apart anyways if you keep it bottled up inside. I wish you all the best luck in the world, and I am sure that everyone else is here if you need them too :-D
*Add in* After reading all the replies, I do see some very good points. If he truly does dislike gay and TS people, then there is no telling what he could do. While I don't think he is going to cause you physical harm it could happen. Its something to keep in mind. And while we are all sitting on the outside, its you who will have to deal with it in the end. And you have upfront knowledge. Sometimes love just stinks :-(
~Rachel~
No. No. No.
Living a life in fear is not living a life at all. When you see something, you need to grab it, no matter how scared you might be of the consequences. This is the only way you can know you did all you did about the situation, and where it's out of your hands and into his. Otherwise, all those years from now that you might be alone, how many more times do you think you'll be suicidal and blaming yourself for losing the love of your life? Tell him, then it's his move, then he can either get with it or leave. The fact is that if he's enlisted in the army, all you have to do is inform his recruiter he's been fukcing a ->-bleeped-<- for a while... that should keep his mouth SHUT.
If he's been patient enough to last out a relationship without sex for this period of time, I rather doubt he would be privy to some sort of violent anger on a moment's notice. It takes a LOT of character in a male these days to not demand sex within a friggin week of the start of the relationship. I would give him credit for that.
Quit living your life measuring how things can go wrong.
It's time to find the courage within yourself to do what is RIGHT.
Tell him.
Quote from: Annwyn on February 25, 2008, 07:13:12 AM
No. No. No.
Living a life in fear is not living a life at all. When you see something, you need to grab it, no matter how scared you might be of the consequences. This is the only way you can know you did all you did about the situation, and where it's out of your hands and into his. Otherwise, all those years from now that you might be alone, how many more times do you think you'll be suicidal and blaming yourself for losing the love of your life? Tell him, then it's his move, then he can either get with it or leave. The fact is that if he's enlisted in the army, all you have to do is inform his recruiter he's been fukcing a ->-bleeped-<- for a while... that should keep his mouth SHUT.
If he's been patient enough to last out a relationship without sex for this period of time, I rather doubt he would be privy to some sort of violent anger on a moment's notice. It takes a LOT of character in a male these days to not demand sex within a friggin week of the start of the relationship. I would give him credit for that.
Quit living your life measuring how things can go wrong.
It's time to find the courage within yourself to do what is RIGHT.
Tell him.
I sorta agree with Annwyn, he did have credit with not trying to get you in the sack. He also gets points for trying to help you, even if he didn't know what the problem was. This shows he has potential, but it is
only potential.
My advice? Try talking to him, tell him that you have friends who are gay or even trans and you hate it when he talks like that. Try and find out why he feels the way he does. Give him some information subtly about the trans issues.
But if you can't find a chink in his armor after all of this, then break it off. I know this post is kinda late, but if you haven't, you
might be able to make it work. Don't tell him you are ts until you are ABSOLUTELY SURE he is able to take this information sanely and non-violently. Do not put your life on the line, as his love is not worth your life.
Be safe, and blessings to you.
Quote from: Angel on February 26, 2008, 11:17:17 AM
Don't tell him you are ts until you are ABSOLUTELY SURE he is able to take this information sanely and non-violently. Do not put your life on the line, as his love is not worth your life.
Be safe, and blessings to you.
Word of advice, if you really want to tell him, like really and your 95% POSTIVELY sure he won't get violent- Then go to a public restaurant and tell him their privately. Bring a STUN gun with you...and..keep it with you at all times you around him... Once your sure he isn't mad, then great....
Just be VERY VERY careful...bring some pepper spray too and maybe some brass knuckles..lol
I don't think everyone goes on a killing spree or something, but maybe a public setting isn't a bad idea.
~Rachel~
Quote from: drkprincess on February 26, 2008, 05:28:30 PM
I don't think everyone goes on a killing spree or something, but maybe a public setting isn't a bad idea.
~Rachel~
Just for the protection...he won't get that far if he gets violent...
Meeting in a public place is often a really good idea, and it is the only way I meet people for the first time. That is a great idea if you plan on telling him.
Deniz, I want to give you the opposite advice of many on here. You have lied to this guy for all of this time. If you break it off with a flimsy excuse I doubt he will accept it, at least if he truly loves you back. I have been on the receiving end of a breakup where I still have no idea why. Listen honey, it haunts you the rest of your life. Is that fair to him? I would rather have an ending I did not like than an ending with no resolution. It is torture.
I know, I'm a hopeless romantic. But I do hope that if his prejudices are really there, actually putting a person to the description will be an eye-opening thing for him. It's easy to hate gays, or blacks, or Catholics, or whatever until you actually know one and find out what they are like. This guy obviously loves you. I would take a chance on him.
Only you know if he has violent tendencies. So do be safe no matter what. But I still think he deserves to know. It just might be the best thing that ever happened to him.
Best of luck, Deniz! Please keep us posted.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi