When I was young I wanted to be a girl. I wanted soft skin, a pretty face and beautiful hair. I wanted to wear pretty clothes and join in all the things that girls did. I wanted to be treated like a girl. I was bullied and ridiculed until, as a school leaver, I decided I didn't want to be treated like that by my peers, so I started the classic process of over-compensating and trying to be as masculine as possible. People then liked me and for the first time I gathered new friends who treated me with respect.
But inside I still fantasized about being a girl and sometimes I felt ashamed of my desire to be able to live in the opposite sex.
Only when I reached my late fifties did I realise that now, in the twenty first century, such a transformation was possible and lots of younger people born male were transitioning to female. However, in the course of my life I had gathered many impediments to achieving my innermost wishes, i.e. marriage, friends, business, etc. However, I was excited and wanted to go ahead and transition. An approach to my doctor produced a dismissive and negative response to my confidential revelations. I told my wife about my long held wish. Predictably this almost finished our relationship.
Now I am past sixty and one day a few weeks ago I came down to earth with a bump as I realised that, OK say I transitioned, what would I be? Answer, an old woman. Not the pretty young girl I always wanted to be. It's much, much too late for that. How much damage would I do to so many other relatives and friends, not to mention my wife, who loves the man she sees with her eyes? Just to become an old, unpassable woman. No thanks.
So I've accepted that I'll never transition now, even though I started on DIY hormones which I accept was a stupid thing to do. I'm going back to the old routine of living my life in a way that pleases others and causes nobody except me pain. And I'm trying to make the best of things.
Thanks for all the support I've received from members of this forum. I'm sure I'll hang around on here for a while yet.
L
At 60+ you have earned the right to live for yourself, and not for others.
Well, my dear friend, i read your story and i found it really touching. Think you have one thing in common with all of us..WE ALL HAVE LOST OUR CHILDHOOD. There is never gonna be a compensation for that. That is the most painful thing in our lives( even to those who transitioned at a very early age).
So, even if you had transitioned many years ago, i believe the agony of time and the possibilities that were lost (and time goes by so quickly) would be present as well.
I have to agree you are old enough to do such a great step, and there are lots of things you jeopardize.However, please do think!You might libe 20-30 years more. Do you want to live it as you once dreamed?as a girl and i mean as a lady(because no matter how you might look we ts never get old inside-we are always young kids. If the answer is YES then go ahead.You might lose your family, but staying the way you are, might lead you losing your self.
I can not understand people who transition at an ederly age,(above 50 or 60) but i can understand that we peoplesometimes we come to a point where we say ''I VE HAD ENOUGH. I WANT TO BE REAL.I WANT TO BE ME.so i am here to support you.No matter what you decide.
Best of luck.
Louise,
I started the process when I was 49 or somewhere around that age. I felt the same as you did until I just lost it one day or it was over a 6 month span. I just broke down and needed to see some professional help. She wasn't a gender therapist, but did know something about it. I talked to her about everything and what led up to the breakdown and attempted suicide. I just wanted to be me, once in my life it was going to be all about me. I went up to this place in Washington that put on Espirite and talked to a lot of people and found out a lot of information and I came to the conclusion of what I needed to do, to make my life whole and happy. My wife went with me and she went to the same seminars and a couple of others for partners of Trans people. I told her on the way home, I wanted to transition and I know that it could be hard on us and might even end a 30 year marriage. She told me that if I did this then she was going to leave me. I did see a doctor and continued my therapy and got on hormones. I started the electrolysis and began dressing androgenous. My wife began looking through books and it just happen one night we were watching one of those documentaries and she said that she understood what I was going through. It took about a year and she decided to stay. We told our kids and one accepted and the other didn't but still don't know if it had anything to do with the trans part. I transitioned and in 2004 I received my surgery and I have been very happy and feeling like I belong to this world. I don't think about suicide anymore and want to enjoy my life to the fullest. I retired from the other job and got a new job and I'm very happy where I am. I think everyone knows about me, but that is OK as I know about me too. I'm happy and that is the bottom line. Yes, I'm old, I was 54 at the time of surgery and now I'm 58. There was no decision for me. Life kind of made that decision for me. Therapy is the answer for those questioning.
Sheila
Quote from: tekla on February 19, 2008, 12:33:23 PM
At 60+ you have earned the right to live for yourself, and not for others.
We have all earned this right regardless of age.
Life is a very different deal at different ages. to not understand that is to be young. Live that reality.
I'll go with what Tekla and Mara said. You deserve the right to be happy and be you, even if only towards the later part of your life. Those people you worry about - if they love you and care for you they would want you to be happy hon.
Don't let them deny you your chance at being true to yourself.
Louise, you have made decisions. While they may seem 'bad' later on they are simply what you thought was best at that time. Now you are making another; and I imagine it is right for you. So, who would deny the truth of your life and living it as best you can? If someone does pay them no mind. They have their own life.
May all peace be around and in you. Please be well.
Nichole
Louise,
Facing this truth is hard for someone our age. We fought it for so long that the internal conflict is a part of our psyche.
However, a sence of peace comes with accepting this truth.
Chaunte (age 50)
Thanks everyone for your kind replies. I guess maybe the fear of going back to the ridicule and shame I experienced in my childhood and teenage days may be greater than my GID, I don't know. All I can think of right now is that despite my GID, I have constructed a "normal" and socially acceptable life for myself with a wonderful wife and great friends. I've kept my inner self well hidden from everyone, except for my wife, who was mortally shocked and disgusted to hear from me that all my life I had believed myself to be a woman inside. That revelation nearly split us up and we have stayed together only because I no longer talk about it and have continued to act out my allotted role as a dutiful husband, therefore she thinks everything is OK. And I want her to be happy.
I'd just like to add that I admire all those of you who have gone ahead with transition despite being in the "older" category and hope that nobody has been offended in any way by anything I have said.
L.
Quote from: louise000 on February 20, 2008, 03:19:07 AM
Thanks everyone for your kind replies. I guess maybe the fear of going back to the ridicule and shame I experienced in my childhood and teenage days may be greater than my GID, I don't know. All I can think of right now is that despite my GID, I have constructed a "normal" and socially acceptable life for myself with a wonderful wife and great friends. I've kept my inner self well hidden from everyone, except for my wife, who was mortally shocked and disgusted to hear from me that all my life I had believed myself to be a woman inside. That revelation nearly split us up and we have stayed together only because I no longer talk about it and have continued to act out my allotted role as a dutiful husband, therefore she thinks everything is OK. And I want her to be happy.
I'd just like to add that I admire all those of you who have gone ahead with transition despite being in the "older" category and hope that nobody has been offended in any way by anything I have said.
L.
Louise, both your posts were a breath of fresh air and the straight down the line honesty in which they were presented. Transition is a very hard thing to do at any age and many do not see the physical bounderies that lie before them and imagine it being far easier that it actually is. I think if someone has established a male identity for nearly 60 years, it will be very hard to eradicate both physically and mentally. Yes, I know it can be achieved in some cases but I'm glad you came to what is probably the right decision for you.
I am a lot younger than you are (especially when I started out on this journey) but I have also had doubts about my own physical limitations and how little impact HRT has had on me. I always only wanted to transition to the highest standard and I thought in the beginning I was physically the right shape and had the right small bone structure to carry it off. But it's never as easy as you think but the earlier you transition the more it will be workable. My ideal age would have been 16 years old but when I was 16 it was very hard to gain access to anything remotely approaching treatment. I was in my mid 20's by the time I was able to access any form of hormones and even then I thought the timescale was against me.
I also think that it's also going to be much harder for someone who has a long family life with children and has established that for many years. I never got married of reached that point in my life and it was partly to do with my long term feelings of being female. My decision to transition wasn't met with any surprise as I was always halfway there from an early age and I never really comprimised to a male identity.
I think a lot more people have the same feelings inside as Louise but have managed to supress them for as long as possible. There are no answers to any of this but I really admire people brave enough to come out and be downright and honest and say this might not be workable...
Quote from: Renate on February 19, 2008, 02:37:59 PM
Hi Louise:
I find that transition is not a beauty pageant, it's about making yourself comfortable with yourself.
For me, I had the decision whether I wanted to be a 50 year-old woman or a 50 year-old man.
Being a 20 year-old woman wasn't one of the choices.
Renate
(Actually, I'm only 49-1/2 right now.)
Me too 49 1/2, lol. Started to transition just last September, what a ride.
Hugs
Nigella
Quote from: louise000 on February 20, 2008, 03:19:07 AM
Thanks everyone for your kind replies. I guess maybe the fear of going back to the ridicule and shame I experienced in my childhood and teenage days may be greater than my GID, I don't know. All I can think of right now is that despite my GID, I have constructed a "normal" and socially acceptable life for myself with a wonderful wife and great friends. I've kept my inner self well hidden from everyone, except for my wife, who was mortally shocked and disgusted to hear from me that all my life I had believed myself to be a woman inside. That revelation nearly split us up and we have stayed together only because I no longer talk about it and have continued to act out my allotted role as a dutiful husband, therefore she thinks everything is OK. And I want her to be happy.
I'd just like to add that I admire all those of you who have gone ahead with transition despite being in the "older" category and hope that nobody has been offended in any way by anything I have said.
L.
Hello Louise.
I can certainly sympathize and associate with your situation. My story is very similar to Sheila's except my 34 year marriage didn't survive transition. I am now 56, an age some would consider old, but personally I feel that I'm in the prime of life, as age is just a number to chronicle our time on earth, no meaning really except to etch on a tomb stone to record your life span.
Of course as we get old things get harder, it's a fact of life, but to think the the world belongs to the young is quite wrong. My own circumstances prevented me from transitioning at and earlier age, but I had to transition to achieve happiness, for if you can't be happy what's the point.
Remember:
"You must live before you die, the tragedy is not your death, it's not living your life."
Steph
Quote from: Kiera on February 20, 2008, 05:22:43 PM
Make damn sure that you choose to "not to" for yourself instead of somebody else . . .
The most important point here. One thing, I think, that is common to all transpeople, and indeed to everyone who missed out on an important period of their lives, is that you're always kind of jealous of those who got more than you did. People who transition at 50 can't help but be jealous of those who got to spend their 30s in the right gender, and people who transition at 30 can't help but be jealous of transitioners who got to live their 20s. In my case, I'm a 21-year-old transitioner; people looking at me naturally wish that they had figured it out at my age and transitioned. On the other hand, even I am jealous at those who got to spend their teen years in the proper gender, go to prom, have a high school boyfriend, etc. No matter what age you transition at, you miss what you've missed.
So just because you're a bit older than the average transitioner, don't be swayed by that fact alone. You're not dead yet! After all, there are 70 year old transitioners out there who wish they would have acted at your age!
Of course, only you can decide what's best for you, weighing the pros and the cons. But don't let your age be the major factor, because every transperson feels, to a certain extent, how you feel. I think.
Lia
Lia, I'm not 21 nor am I jealous. Nor, do I subscribe to this "No matter what age you transition at, you miss what you've missed."
If I have lived my life as best I could at any one time, then I shouldn't have 'missed' anything. Just my pov.
Nichole
My self at 54 understand wot you or going throe. I all most did the same thing.
my wife look me, and told me to just be myself. It work for me.
be your self , that is all 60 year. Ever day is new for us all.
you wont make your wife happy if you lose yourself
Kim
I started 2 1/2 years ago went full time feb 1 2008. I really dont know what i would do if i had to go back, I never want to. Everyone I came in contact with this (700 at work ) friends and family really didnt have a problem with it , I am the same person I was before ,except I am happy now and free of the 45 year lie. So I say you dont know until you try ,but I also know how scary it is. I wish you much luck in what ever path you choose but take the path in your heart. Bethany
Yeah, I'm an old lady. I embrace that truth and I'm lovin it. My bumper sticker says CRONE - Creative Researcher Of New Experiences.
I'm not even that old yet. I'm 48--but thinking ahead. The women I admire most and want to emulate are mostly older than me. Color me unimpressed with youth thinking they're all that. Particularly young transitioners who act all arrogant toward us crones. But I forgive them since they don't know any better. :angel:
I started the process when I was 45, went fulltime a few months ago at the age of 48, and yes I did feel like slapping my forehead, thinking back to my ignorant youth when I wanted to transition but bottled it back up, thinking it was impossible. If you tell yourself something is impossible, then it becomes so. The reverse is true too.
As for my family, I agree that if they understood they would not want to deny me the chance to live authentically. They don't understand, I forgive them for that. If they did understand, they would know I'm telling the truth that my only choice is either transition or die. I can't conceive of them wanting me to die. They just haven't accepted that this is the only way I can survive. What I do to survive right here and now, I owe apologies to no one.
Louise, you're on the right track when your aim is to be honest with yourself and live your truth. But you're mature enough to know that your understanding of that truth and how to engage with it may change over time. If your dysphoria grows too unbearable and you change your mind back again, we will not deride you for it. We understand how hard the dilemma is, we've been there. Ask those who have changed their minds back and forth about it over and over before finally committing. Just keep being honest with yourself is all I can advise you. The truth will set you free.
Louise, if you're still worried about the ridicule and shame you suffered for it when young, well, you're not in the same boat at all any more. I suggest letting go of that past because it's gone and cannot harm you now. However you deal with it now, please let it be in the here and now. Mature people can't be intimidated any more like when we were kids. By getting this far we've grown a spine and learned how to live from our inner motivations instead of conforming to the crowd. Anyway that's what maturity means to me.
If you find it a struggle, then a good gender identity therapist can help get this terrible dilemma sorted out to facilitate you making your own decisions.
I'm really glad to see this subject come up although I am saddened by the fact that Louise is feeling so hopeless. I know that there are vast numbers who are in a similar situation. We have many new members sign up here in the forums every day. But few ever post.
These are lonely souls trying in some way to find a way for them self and are never quite able to do so for one reason or another. Believe me... I know that they have a terrible time with this dilemma.
Louise, I understand your frustration. I know how lost and hopeless you feel. I will split with many here and suggest that your chosen course of action may be the correct one. Only you can make that choice. At this point in your life, you might be right to carry on with your commitments as husband and father.
But know this. No matter what happens, there are always people out here in the ether willing to provide a virtual shoulder for you. This forum is such a place. If you get feeling down, this is a wonderful venue to vent your frustrations and explore solutions. Not everyone will or can transition. It just isn't meant to be. Some of us can break the bonds and some can't. No single path is ultimately the best choice for all.
Take heart and be happy. Don't beat yourself up. You are a good person.
Cindi
Quote from: Renate on February 20, 2008, 08:51:09 PM
Jealous? Not me!
I'll have much nicer breasts at 50 (in 6 months) than you'll have at 50 (in 29 years!) :laugh:
Besides, I planned this all out. I'll live to 100, the first 50 years as a man, the last 50 years as a woman.
Renate
Quote from: Nichole on February 20, 2008, 09:19:28 PM
Lia, I'm not 21 nor am I jealous. Nor, do I subscribe to this "No matter what age you transition at, you miss what you've missed."
If I have lived my life as best I could at any one time, then I shouldn't have 'missed' anything. Just my pov.
Nichole
I'd have to agree with both of you.
If I had transitioned in my teens, there are a lot of things I wouldn't have had - the ability to embrace my boyfriend and hold hands walking the halls comes to my mind as well as many other things.
I wouldn't give up my 20s for the world. They were a blast (well cept the last few years were hell, having nothing to do with gender though).
And now at age 29 and beyond, I get to live as a man (provided my health keeps improving).
So, I really don't feel as though I missed out by not transitioning earlier. And I love what Renate said about - '50 years as a man, 50 years as a woman'. Really, what could possibly be more romantic than to have experienced life as both sexes?
Quote from: Nero on March 01, 2008, 07:57:01 AM
Quote from: Renate on February 20, 2008, 08:51:09 PM
Jealous? Not me!
I'll have much nicer breasts at 50 (in 6 months) than you'll have at 50 (in 29 years!) :laugh:
Besides, I planned this all out. I'll live to 100, the first 50 years as a man, the last 50 years as a woman.
Renate
Quote from: Nichole on February 20, 2008, 09:19:28 PM
Lia, I'm not 21 nor am I jealous. Nor, do I subscribe to this "No matter what age you transition at, you miss what you've missed."
If I have lived my life as best I could at any one time, then I shouldn't have 'missed' anything. Just my pov.
Nichole
I'd have to agree with both of you.
If I had transitioned in my teens, there are a lot of things I wouldn't have had - the ability to embrace my boyfriend and hold hands walking the halls comes to my mind as well as many other things.
I wouldn't give up my 20s for the world. They were a blast (well cept the last few years were hell, having nothing to do with gender though).
And now at age 29 and beyond, I get to live as a man (provided my health keeps improving).
So, I really don't feel as though I missed out by not transitioning earlier. And I love what Renate said about - '50 years as a man, 50 years as a woman'. Really, what could possibly be more romantic than to have experienced life as both sexes?
Do I value my 27-odd years as a guy - yeah, I suppose. Those years shaped me and made me into the person I am today. If not for those hardships and trials, I would most likely be as shallow and self-absorbed as a saucer of milk.
That said, life would have been much more pleasant had I had the opportunity to transition at, say eight.
Quote from: genovais on February 20, 2008, 07:26:47 PM
... you're always kind of jealous of those who got more than you did. People who transition at 50 can't help but be jealous of those who got to spend their 30s in the right gender, and people who transition at 30 can't help but be jealous of transitioners who got to live their 20s. In my case, I'm a 21-year-old transitioner; people looking at me naturally wish that they had figured it out at my age and transitioned. On the other hand, even I am jealous at those who got to spend their teen years in the proper gender, go to prom, have a high school boyfriend, etc. No matter what age you transition at, you miss what you've missed.
...every transperson feels, to a certain extent, how you feel. I think.
Lia
I agree, and it is nice to hear this from another TS. I began living full-time at age 24, I'm 27 now, and every day I live pre-op is filled with at least some resentment toward the girls who were born female. Some days there is a lot of resentment. This is one of my greatest struggles, not missing all the things like high school, the prom as a girl, sleepovers, childhood boyfriends, etc. It's a daily struggle. Unless you transition at 12 years old, I can't imagine people never having any of these feelings.
I see transitioning at a younger age versus later in life as having two equal downsides. When you are young you most likely don't have as much to tie you down, and what you do have you are much more willing to give up. BUT, you are typically not established, and most often struggle for years to actually achieve the finances to pay for surgery. (Of course, there are some whose parents pay for it.) Older transitioners more often have the financial resources, but are so deep-seeded that is equally as hard to fully transition.
Just my .02 cents.
Amy
I think like the last four or five posts pretty much sums it up nicely...
Quote from: mara on March 01, 2008, 03:29:51 PM
I think like the last four or five posts pretty much sums it up nicely...
I agree. Especially the daily struggle part. And the part about how shallow I would have been. And the part about........
I can't tell you folks what you'll find on the other side, but for me.... life is so much easier now that I'm comfortable in my own skin. :)
Quote from: lady amarant on March 01, 2008, 09:03:37 AM
Do I value my 27-odd years as a guy - yeah, I suppose. Those years shaped me and made me into the person I am today. If not for those hardships and trials, I would most likely be as shallow and self-absorbed as a saucer of milk.
That said, life would have been much more pleasant had I had the opportunity to transition at, say eight.
I suppose I wasn't in either camp. I didn't transition young but at the same time I wasn't living as a male either. I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria at 24 but I didn't start transitioning. I would take hormones and continued to live a fairly feminine lifestyle quite comfortably and at first thought it best to not change anything, so for a while I didn't take it further. It was another 14 years later before I broke down and couldn't take any more and had to take it further...
Quote from: Cindi Jones on March 01, 2008, 02:10:41 AM
I'm really glad to see this subject come up although I am saddened by the fact that Louise is feeling so hopeless. I know that there are vast numbers who are in a similar situation. We have many new members sign up here in the forums every day. But few ever post.
These are lonely souls trying in some way to find a way for them self and are never quite able to do so for one reason or another. Believe me... I know that they have a terrible time with this dilemma.
Louise, I understand your frustration. I know how lost and hopeless you feel. I will split with many here and suggest that your chosen course of action may be the correct one. Only you can make that choice. At this point in your life, you might be right to carry on with your commitments as husband and father.
But know this. No matter what happens, there are always people out here in the ether willing to provide a virtual shoulder for you. This forum is such a place. If you get feeling down, this is a wonderful venue to vent your frustrations and explore solutions. Not everyone will or can transition. It just isn't meant to be. Some of us can break the bonds and some can't. No single path is ultimately the best choice for all.
Take heart and be happy. Don't beat yourself up. You are a good person.
Cindi
Thank you Cindi, and thank you Berleigh for your understanding posts
xx Louise
Hello to all you young people. I am 74 years old and have been on HRT for 2 years. I decided not to transition while my wife was alive although it was difficult at times. Fortunately my health has been excellent and I continue to walk 8 kms three times a week so I keep reasonably fit at about 174 pounds. I am happy with my progress and a big weight has been lifted off my mind. I have not yet told my family orf my intentions. Unfortunately I may be a bit old to go all the way.
Welcome to Susan's Joanne! Make yourself at home, browse, and post an introduction sometime when you have a chance.
Zythyra
People who are not TS have daily struggles too. Some are much worse than anything you will ever face. They keep on. Most of us have no choice but to keep on. The other options sucks.
Quote from: Hypatia on March 01, 2008, 12:44:29 AM
Louise, you're on the right track when your aim is to be honest with yourself and live your truth. But you're mature enough to know that your understanding of that truth and how to engage with it may change over time. If your dysphoria grows too unbearable and you change your mind back again, we will not deride you for it. We understand how hard the dilemma is, we've been there. Ask those who have changed their minds back and forth about it over and over before finally committing. Just keep being honest with yourself is all I can advise you. The truth will set you free.
Louise, if you're still worried about the ridicule and shame you suffered for it when young, well, you're not in the same boat at all any more. I suggest letting go of that past because it's gone and cannot harm you now. However you deal with it now, please let it be in the here and now. Mature people can't be intimidated any more like when we were kids. By getting this far we've grown a spine and learned how to live from our inner motivations instead of conforming to the crowd. Anyway that's what maturity means to me.
If you find it a struggle, then a good gender identity therapist can help get this terrible dilemma sorted out to facilitate you making your own decisions.
Yes I've had some counselling over my issues. Maybe I could handle any ridicule addressed directly to me, but my more important concerns are for my wife and other relatives - we live in a small community and my family is locally well known and respected. My transition would be the talk of the place for years, probably until well after I'm dead and gone. My family would suffer ridicule and pity, just so I could become an old lady. I would only be remembered for one thing - that I changed sex at 60 years of age - I would not just be famous, I would be considered infamous round here. So I am once again left to ponder, am I really so unhappy having a male body that I have to change it now, after all these years. Had I been born in the 1980s instead of the 1940s, yes I would jump at the chance to transition into a lovely young woman, but if I continue to transition now in a very few years time I will be an ugly geriatric transsexual woman. And that prospect does not thrill me.
As an aside, I have been finding it very difficult to come off estrogen. The trouble is that in addition to the more obvious physical effects (small though they are) the estrogen is giving me a "feelgood factor" that my body seems reluctant to let go of. In other words, I'm kind of hooked on it.
L.
Quote from: louise000 on March 05, 2008, 03:06:02 AMHad I been born in the 1980s instead of the 1940s, yes I would jump at the chance to transition into a lovely young woman, but if I continue to transition now in a very few years time I will be an ugly geriatric transsexual woman. And that prospect does not thrill me.
It's this way of looking at it which suggests you might not be fully TS after all. Because being a woman isn't about that. So I wish you well in arriving at a solution that does suit your actual needs.
Quote from: Hypatia on March 05, 2008, 11:33:03 AM
Quote from: louise000 on March 05, 2008, 03:06:02 AMHad I been born in the 1980s instead of the 1940s, yes I would jump at the chance to transition into a lovely young woman, but if I continue to transition now in a very few years time I will be an ugly geriatric transsexual woman. And that prospect does not thrill me.
It's this way of looking at it which suggests you might not be fully TS after all. Because being a woman isn't about that. So I wish you well in arriving at a solution that does suit your actual needs.
Amen.
Being a woman is not about being some 'hot young thing'. If all you would want out of transition is to be a young hottie, it's not for you. I mean absolutely no offense or judgement by this, as I do not know you, but only wanting to be female for that 'hot young babe' factor is a very male view of womanhood. If one is a woman, womanhood is part of her identity, it's who she is regardless if she is 20 or 80.
Quote from: louise000 on March 05, 2008, 03:06:02 AM
As an aside, I have been finding it very difficult to come off estrogen. The trouble is that in addition to the more obvious physical effects (small though they are) the estrogen is giving me a "feelgood factor" that my body seems reluctant to let go of. In other words, I'm kind of hooked on it.
L.
Why not stay on HRT? If it helps and makes you feel better...I know a one person who hasn't transitioned and has been on HRT for many years. They live and work as a guy and no one notices anything because there is nothing to notice..
Quote from: Nero on March 05, 2008, 11:57:36 AM
Quote from: Hypatia on March 05, 2008, 11:33:03 AM
Quote from: louise000 on March 05, 2008, 03:06:02 AMHad I been born in the 1980s instead of the 1940s, yes I would jump at the chance to transition into a lovely young woman, but if I continue to transition now in a very few years time I will be an ugly geriatric transsexual woman. And that prospect does not thrill me.
It's this way of looking at it which suggests you might not be fully TS after all. Because being a woman isn't about that. So I wish you well in arriving at a solution that does suit your actual needs.
Amen.
Being a woman is not about being some 'hot young thing'. If all you would want out of transition is to be a young hottie, it's not for you. I mean absolutely no offense or judgement by this, as I do not know you, but only wanting to be female for that 'hot young babe' factor is a very male view of womanhood. If one is a woman, womanhood is part of her identity, it's who she is regardless if she is 20 or 80.
Excuse me but I think you've both got it wrong about me. I didn't want to be anyone's "hot young babe" or "hot young thing". Yes I always wanted to be pretty and wear nice feminine clothes, but what I was trying to say was that I have now missed out on any chance to be pretty - I'm too old and male looking for that now. I will always be what I am inside, but if I transition the chances of matching my outward appearance to the person within are not good, and I don't want to end up looking like a freak. I'm just trying to be honest about this, there's no point in kidding myself I'll ever be truly passable as a woman. So I must continue to get through life as I always have - the actor that the world sees, the real me safe inside out of sight. That way nobody else gets hurt.
And thanks Kimberleigh for your advice as well, which is always based on common sense :)
L.
Quote from: louise000 on March 06, 2008, 03:43:35 AMthere's no point in kidding myself I'll ever be truly passable as a woman.
Have a care. There's no way for you to know that in advance. Ask those of us (me, for example) who despaired we'd ever pass... and then after a while... what do you know, surprise! We're passing amazingly well. You really cannot know in advance, until after you've taken HRT long enough while walking the walk. 'Course, we don't know what you look like to start with, and that has to be taken into consideration.
All I can tell you is, I failed miserably for the first two and a half years, then something clicked and I started enjoying success at passing. About a year and a half after I began HRT, I was able to go fulltime woman, and since then I've been called "Ma'am" by the public 100% of the time and been accepted by other women as one of them in all-women spaces. Today, I'm invited to give a talk at a luncheon of a women's group. I don't think any of them know I'm trans. I'm happier than ever now... but I had to go through a period of suffering before I got here. YMMV.
You know, they say passability becomes easier in old people, because old men and old women start to look more like each other after the natural hormones decrease.
Quote from: louise000 on March 06, 2008, 03:43:35 AM
Quote from: Nero on March 05, 2008, 11:57:36 AM
Quote from: Hypatia on March 05, 2008, 11:33:03 AM
Quote from: louise000 on March 05, 2008, 03:06:02 AMHad I been born in the 1980s instead of the 1940s, yes I would jump at the chance to transition into a lovely young woman, but if I continue to transition now in a very few years time I will be an ugly geriatric transsexual woman. And that prospect does not thrill me.
It's this way of looking at it which suggests you might not be fully TS after all. Because being a woman isn't about that. So I wish you well in arriving at a solution that does suit your actual needs.
Amen.
Being a woman is not about being some 'hot young thing'. If all you would want out of transition is to be a young hottie, it's not for you. I mean absolutely no offense or judgement by this, as I do not know you, but only wanting to be female for that 'hot young babe' factor is a very male view of womanhood. If one is a woman, womanhood is part of her identity, it's who she is regardless if she is 20 or 80.
Excuse me but I think you've both got it wrong about me. I didn't want to be anyone's "hot young babe" or "hot young thing". Yes I always wanted to be pretty and wear nice feminine clothes, but what I was trying to say was that I have now missed out on any chance to be pretty - I'm too old and male looking for that now. I will always be what I am inside, but if I transition the chances of matching my outward appearance to the person within are not good, and I don't want to end up looking like a freak. I'm just trying to be honest about this, there's no point in kidding myself I'll ever be truly passable as a woman. So I must continue to get through life as I always have - the actor that the world sees, the real me safe inside out of sight. That way nobody else gets hurt.
And thanks Kimberleigh for your advice as well, which is always based on common sense :)
L.
Oh well passability is another issue then. But as Hypatia said, there is no way to know. There are young women who can't pass without FFS and mtaure ladies who can pass on HRT alone. Maybe you're one of them.
Quote from: louise000 on March 06, 2008, 03:43:35 AM
So I must continue to get through life as I always have - the actor that the world sees, the real me safe inside out of sight. That way nobody else gets hurt.
Except you :(
EVERYONE says
"I"ll never pass!" in the beginning. Well, almost everyone anyway. But like Hypatia says, HRT can do wonders. Not always, not with everyone, but it CAN. And if all else fails, there's always facial surgery.
On the other hand, I think we tend to become absolutely OBSESSED over passing, and
"being a freak," when we're still contemplating a transition - and in the early stages of one. After awhile, you honestly start to relax a bit about it. Not passing on occasion does NOT mean you're a "freak." It just means someone realized you were born male. That's it. You're still a woman, still you - just with an unusual legacy.
I don't think people generally care once you cross a certain threshold, and fit their expectations
Good Enough.
~Kate~
Thanks everyone. You've all given me lots to think about and it's good to see things from so many different perspectives.
LOUISE
Louise, you have been not only honest but you have looked at things correctly with wisdom and a complete overview of the situation.
It's hard to transition at any age and I thought I was prime material when I first started because of my height (not very tall), bone structure (quite small) but then you take HRT for years and find the changes are very little if any.
You could still take HRT, maybe wear your hair how you want and live within the bounderies of a artistic male persona. This way you can work within the bounderies of your family. I have known quite a few people who have been rejected by their families and friends and you have to know it's right for you only you should make those choices...