To be honest, I'm still not entirely certain just how MtF TG I am, but it seems I'm leaning that way.
The sangha with which I practice has been chanting the Hsing Hsing Ming, the Mind of Absolute Trust. The translation we chant starts with...
the great way is not difficult
for those who are unattached to their preferences
let go of longing and aversion
and everything will be perfectly clear
I suppose I should discuss this with the teacher in doku-san, but I'm not so sure I'm ready for that yet.
So. To say that I'm attached to my preference to more fully express what I perceive my gender identity to be would be an accurate statement. From what I understand, it's not the preference that's "bad" per se, but the attachment to the preference or its outcome.
I find it difficult to let go of longing when I feel that I don't really fit into this male body. I wouldn't say that I'm experiencing aversion to it; that seems like a harsh word. Discomfort is probably closer to how I feel for now.
Have any others on this board tried practicing with the Hsing Hsing Ming with regards to their gender identities? If so, how did it work for you?
I find that verse very helpful.
That said, I see that deciding on an outcome, of my trans-ness, or my journey toward enlightenment, is unhelpful. It puts expectations that cause me trouble and pain.
Let go of longing.. that's really a hard one.. it tortures me endlessly. One can hold contradictory mind-states simultaneously. The longing and the need for non-attachment, for instance.
My feeling is that we should foster calmness, peace of mind, and try to keep expectations of ourselves and the world minimal.
Namaste, Tara
Quote from: Tara on March 14, 2008, 12:01:47 PM
My feeling is that we should foster calmness, peace of mind, and try to keep expectations of ourselves and the world minimal.
I'm going to have to "sit" with this, but I think I might be beginning to understand.
Hmmmm. I'm no expert, nor even a real student of Buddhism, but I'll share my perspective, for what it is worth:
[queue self-indulgent mind-dump]In my personal philosophy, the wheel of Karma isn't as much about punishment or righting the scales as it is about learning and growing. To me, Enlightenment is a foregone conclusion for each of us, and the lifetimes we live necessary steps along that path. Some of us are presented with the circumstances needed to leapfrog along that path and achieve Nirvana, but not doing so is no burden - each of us are presented with a unique life and set challenges, and comparing makes no sense. We're all on the same road. So to me, the attachment we have to our correct gender, or to our sense of self worth through the things we own, or through whatever challenges we face, are not obstacles to be overcome so much as they are gifts for us to learn from or to develop the virtues we, as enlightened beings, must cultivate. Virtues such as perseverence, being true to ourselves, forgiveness and compassion, those sorts of things.
To me the whole point is not to overcome things - that is in and of itself a desire, an aggressive act. Rather, by accepting without judgement, and with perfect compassion (Because all too often we are the last person we show compassion and non-judgement to) both the enlightened and the unenlightened within ourselves, we rise above them.[/queue self-indulgent mind-dump]
Or maybe I'm just full of it. I frequently am. ;)
I remember reading in the Damapada that one should not fill one's time with that which poisons one's consciousness. I'll have to double-check to get the exact wording.
But if I understand this properly, in conjunction with the Hsing Hsing Ming, then pursuing my true gender identity would remove some poison from my consciousness.
As I understand it, the goal of Buddhism is to relieve suffering. So, perhaps my longing to be somewhat in between male and female isn't interfering with my path, but is simply part of my path.
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on March 14, 2008, 04:02:00 PM
As I understand it, the goal of Buddhism is to relieve suffering.
Specifically, relieving suffering by removing the source of all suffering, which is desire. This is a point I don't necessarily 100% agree with though. To me, our sufferings are what define us. Without them we are empty vessels.
Quote
So, perhaps my longing to be somewhat in between male and female isn't interfering with my path, but is simply part of my path.
Now that I can agree with.
I hope Sara sees this thread. She's the resident Zen Buddhism expert, and should be able to clarify stuff lots.
Quote from: lady amarant on March 14, 2008, 04:08:34 PM
Specifically, relieving suffering by removing the source of all suffering, which is desire.
Right! I keep forgetting that part.
Oh, well. I guess this is what happens when a Pagan tries to practice Buddhism, too.
I have always loved Pagan-Buddhists!
Ajahn Chaa would say to his western students who came to him with anguish, "That's the way things are now." I puzzled over that for a long time.. then the message came through. A peace about one's situation, at least on some level, an observing calmly, with a certain non-attachment. Things change, especially minds, if we let them.
I, too, see my TS as part of my path. Confusing, though, and frequently exasperating. Ego and identity get shredded. And what's left? Neti Neti.. not this, not that.
Tashe Delek! Tara
Quote
If You Want To Describe Its Essence The Best You Can Say Is Not-Two
In This Not-Two Nothing Is Separate And Nothing In The World Is Excluded
I believe the way I've heard that is:
The way of the Buddha's and Ancestors is not difficult,
Simply give up picking and choosing.
Yep, that's true.
Gotta trust the Eternal to make accurate decisions.
We can't just be willful all the time.
Not if we want to get anywhere.
Shades, have you discussed this with your teacher?
Sounds like you are trying to figure it out with your head.
Might be a good idea to talk about this with them.
Sara
Quote from: Sarah on March 17, 2008, 12:24:30 PM
Shades, have you discussed this with your teacher?
No, I've not yet discussed this with my teacher, mainly because I'm not so sure I want to discuss my gender identity yet.
I know I should come out at some point, but I'm just not sure when or how just yet.
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on March 17, 2008, 12:27:44 PM
Quote from: Sarah on March 17, 2008, 12:24:30 PM
Shades, have you discussed this with your teacher?
No, I've not yet discussed this with my teacher, mainly because I'm not so sure I want to discuss my gender identity yet.
I know I should come out at some point, but I'm just not sure when or how just yet.
I would tell right away.
Mine knows.
I trust my teacher more than me.
Sara
Quote from: Sarah on March 17, 2008, 12:45:17 PM
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on March 17, 2008, 12:27:44 PM
Quote from: Sarah on March 17, 2008, 12:24:30 PM
Shades, have you discussed this with your teacher?
No, I've not yet discussed this with my teacher, mainly because I'm not so sure I want to discuss my gender identity yet.
I know I should come out at some point, but I'm just not sure when or how just yet.
I would tell right away.
Mine knows.
I trust my teacher more than me.
Sara
I guess not telling if a form of preference, isn't it.
Well we have to trust somebody...
Our teacher is our friend.
Sara
Quote from: Sarah on March 17, 2008, 12:49:35 PM
Well we have to trust somebody...
Our teacher is our friend.
True.
It's just that my sangha has a new teacher and I'm not sure what I think of him yet. Ick, more preference.
I can't help but think this would be easier if I was just completely Buddhist, not the Buddhistic Christo-Pagan that I am.
That would probably be true.
And, in my experience, a teacher is a personal thing, not a Sangha thing.
Members of my Sangha have different teachers within the Order.
I don't know how it is with yours, but by Teacher, I mean a formal discipleship relationship. Not the same as having a new person in charge of a center.
It sounds like maybe you don't have that sort of relationship with someone?
Sara
Quote from: Sarah on March 17, 2008, 01:17:52 PM
That would probably be true.
And, in my experience, a teacher is a personal thing, not a Sangha thing.
Members of my Sangha have different teachers within the Order.
I don't know how it is with yours, but by Teacher, I mean a formal discipleship relationship. Not the same as having a new person in charge of a center.
It sounds like maybe you don't have that sort of relationship with someone?
Sara
Actually, I think I do have such a relationship with a priest candidate within the sangha. I might try with her.
:angel:
That sounds like a good idea!
Sara
Attachment is tricky. It's not desire that is bad (that is actually a poor western translation) but rather attachment. The most simple explanation is that you have to want to be female without actually caring whether or not you become one. You must undergo transition without taking heed of your progress or lack thereof.
(actually, even that is a poor description of what enlightenment really is, but that's about as close as I can describe its relation to TGism)