Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I made a topic but since it had the same title as another, unrelated topic, it got merged into one and my topic lost it's point over there, so I'm going to open it again. Moderators agree? Here it goes:

QuoteOk, here goes my life story:

I want to make a transition and become a female. I don't like being male. I hate my body, my clothes, everything. At first I thought it's just a phase I'm going through. But it just won't end.

Of course, no one in my neighbourhood knows anything about it, and I'm afraid of what would happen if anyone found out. My family is fairly liberal, a lot more than the rest of the people here, but I don't think they'd take it lightly. I'm afraid I might end up being forced to leave my home. And since I'm just 18 years old and in school, I would have no where to go and no where to work.

Also, I don't want to hurt my family. Even if they did accept me, I can only imagine what the other people around here would talk. "I've heard their son wants to be a girl, what a ->-bleeped-<-..." etc.

Had a conversation with my best (female) friend about the subject, few weeks ago. I felt ill after talking to her. She's a really good friend of mine and I respect her a lot, but if she has such opinion about transgender people I can only imagine what does a regular person think. There's a guy in my school who's very effeminine, you can just guess how he's getting treated by people...

How could I remain in contact with the people I like and do something for me I really want? I have to choose one over the other, and I really hate them. I wish to be normal, why can't I just find some decent girl, get in a relationship and live happily ever after? (Yeah, I know it's not all that ideal, but you get the point.)

And even if I had the surgery, I would never become a real woman. I'd still have XY chromosome pair. Would become sterile. And I'm sure I would never be able to have a real relationship - why would anyone ever date a bad copy of a female when they can be with a real female?

All this I'm going through has only affected my social life for the worse. I stopped making new friends and I rarely hang out with my old ones. I don't see a reason why should I hang out with them if they will start to think of me as a monster once I tell them how I feel.

Next, my sexual orientation. Don't have a clue. I'm attracted to girls much more than I'm attracted to guys, but that might be affected by the fact that I want to become one. Don't know, really. I have a really good friend, I can say he's my best friend. I think I'm starting to develop feelings for him, and that scares me. I have no clue how he would react. He occasionally makes a homophobic comment, but he also likes to talk about being really religious, even though he once admitted to me he's an atheist while he was drunk.

And in the end, I'm afraid that time is not on my side here. I'm 18 now. By the time I finish college and get a job with which I can support myself I'll be 23+. And if I start transitioning then, I'll be almost 30 by the time I'm all done. And I'm afraid that's simply too late in life?

This moderator agrees, irfakt. And is moving her reply to your post over here to your new intro. Enjoy your stay.



In all the "silly moderator" discussion and then the merging of topics, irfakt, I think the point of your post kinda got lost.

Just so ya know, sweetie. Your story is not at all unusual. It reminds me of me (way too many years ago to admit, though!!)  :laugh: :laugh:

Pretty much all you wrote about on that WoW post has fit me at one time or another in my life.

Marriage and 'getting over it,' periods of deep depression. Feeling 'all alone' or like I was going to be an 'exile' if I followed my heart.

Eventually, I did follow my heart and although I don't regret or wish away my previous life, I can also see that had I done things differently in some ways I might have been a more fully-realized person than I am, at an earlier time. Although maybe not at all. I like to think I needed to go through what I have gone through to be myself.

But, we all often require trial-and-error in making the journey through our lives. (Sometimes I'm pretty certain that that's the way all of us live all of the time, trial-and-error.)

If you feel like you would like to wait for transition, then do so.

If you feel like you need to get married, well, maybe you should try it. I'd suggest though, that if you do you be totally upfront and open about your interior struggles with your partner before you ever go through a ceremony. That would include telling her that you are aware that almost no one every 'gets over it' through marriage and family-raising. And that there is a great likelihood that at some point in future you will be forced to transition to save your own life.

Stress to that woman, when you find her, that you DON'T want her to think she is a 'cure' for your problem. That if you do transition later that it in no way involves a lack or failure in herself that she couldn't 'cure you.'

I say that because I think many of our former partners might have either made different choices about marrying us and even about divorce had we been upfront and open on the git with them.

Ya see, luv, there is no cure, just ways to relieve it, to alter its focus and to ameliorate it so much that it becomes pretty much unnoticeable. Transition is the pathway through for a transsexual. There will still be concerns about looks, learning, etc after the physical parts are behind us -- everyone seems to have that.

Still the struggles to live a human life are universal. Transition doesn't make you, me or her over there any less human. Nor does it give us a by-pass for normal human hopes, dreams, struggles and triumphs. It's simply a pathway to relieving that terrible sense that one's body doesn't match one's psyche. 

But, as a woman-becoming-crone I can attest that GID never goes away. In fact, it tends to return with a vengeance you will not believe as you get older, if you haven't transitioned.

30 is probably a low-average right now for completed transitions age-wise. So, although that twelve years seems like a long time right now, it would place you about the current average I suspect.

You have people here who have experienced this. We may be good guides, or poor ones, depending on what your soul speaks to you. Our paths are always our own, although having some companionship and understanding are very nice things indeed. Some of us struggled with GID for very long times thinking that we were the ONLY one who had this terrible condition.

At least internet and more advanced media reporting and more research has opened GID to far more people, in far more areas of the world, in the past fifteen years than ever 'knew' about it before. So take heart and stay with us awhile.

In reading your WoW post I 'chime' with what you wrote and feel that you are my kin.

BTW, 15 posts, I think, allows you to PM.

I bid you welcome, sister, and wish you fair weather as you travel.

Blessed Be,

Nichole

Hi again irfakt,

     I think your point of view may change within the next few years.  Once you spread your wings a bit and maybe find a place where you can be more open about yourself, you'll be able to reassess your situation.


     Meanwhile,  just come by here and learn all you can and feel free to ask questions and to express yourself.


Rebis

Hello Irfakt and welcome to Susan's!

Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki (http://susans.org/wiki/Main_Page), chat (https://www.susans.org/chat/index.html), and the links listed at the main page. (https://www.susans.org/index.html)  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay :)

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