I had lunch with my Mom today. We were talking about how lousy health insurance is, and I mentioned about how hard it is for me to get a therapist with my current insurance. She asked what I was seeing a therapist for, and I totally chickened out. She asked if I didn't want to tell her and I said that it was complicated.
So, on our way back to my work, I tell her that I'm going to see a gender therapist. She was pretty supportive about it. She's really religious, so she wasn't about to tell me that it was okay to transition, but she definitely thought it was a good idea for me to see a therapist. She said that she understood how hard something like GID must be (she actually used the words "Gender Identity" before I did!), and to keep her posted on how my visit with the therapist goes.
Whew. We sort of chewed the fat on a few other topics, not worth mentioning, but all in all, it went way better than I thought it would.
Well, so far so good, it seems.
I love to hear these stories of supportive mom's! I'm glad it went well for ya.
Amanda
i'm so glad for everyone that does, i don't and i have come to terms with that.
Best Wishes, Jessica
Mickie,
The New Warrior Princess
Thanks everyone! Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to tell my Dad. :-\
Posted on: April 10, 2008, 01:01:17 PM
Been talking more to my Mom. Everything's been going okay.
I'm telling my Dad next week. I think my Mom has already told him, but I'm going to have a one-on-one with him and let him know what's been going on.
I'm really surprised. This is going way better than I thought it would.
Posted on: April 11, 2008, 05:59:01 PM
So last night, I met up with my Dad for dinner. He knew I'd been to see the therapist earlier that day, and he asked how it went. We talked a bit about my therapist, and a little about where I wanted to go with therapy, and he was just really nice about it. He said he'd been doing some looking around on his own for information. I was totally surprised. I really thought he'd react the other way and be totally upset.
Here I was, totally prepared for a huge uphill battle and nothing. Both my parents are handling this incredibly well.
*Breathes huge sigh of relief*
Congrats Jessica... sounds like you have some really cool parents, you
should cherish them. I'm really happy for you :)
Quote'm so glad for everyone that does, i don't and i have come to terms with that.
Yea, me neither Micki and I came to terms with that a long time ago. I think that's
why it makes me so happy to hear about parents like Jessica's.
Amanda
Thank you, Amanda! :)
I know that I'm really lucky to have parents that are so understanding. I'm so used to hearing stories about other peoples' parents that I was totally terrified to talk to my own. Since I was starting therapy though, I decided that it'd be better to tell them what was going on. I wanted them to know what was happening from the beginning so that when it does come time for HRT or whatever I wind up doing, no one's going to be surprised.
QuoteI'm so used to hearing stories about other peoples' parents that I was totally terrified to talk to my own
I've come to realize that 90% of the horror stories about other people don't apply to me :) lol... of course
I never know the 10% to believe.
Oh... your welcome sweets :)
Amanda
Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 16, 2008, 05:26:15 PM
I've come to realize that 90% of stories about other people don't apply to me :) lol... of course
I never know the 10% to believe.
Amanda
LOL :laugh:
It's true isn't it? :) I figured that no matter how they reacted, I was going to have to tell my parents anyway. I thought I'd be better off doing it sooner than later. It certainly was terrifying. I was a nervous wreck pretty much all last week (or at least every time I thought about it).
Since she already knew about GID, I bet she
has done some internet research about it
and she's been doubting things already.
Parents are not as oblivious as we think they are ;)
Alright-- a bit of an update.
A few weeks ago, I get a call from my Dad telling me how upset my Mom is with what I'm doing. Now what I'm doing right now is dressing androgynously, not cutting my hair, that kind of thing. Not much more than that. I haven't taken any huge steps-- no hormones yet, and I'm saving money up for laser. So I talk my Dad down a bit, tell him that I can't help what I'm going through, that I'm in therapy, and getting help. I'm crying the whole time. He says they love me and that's the end of the conversation.
The next time I talk to my Mom, she says that she thinks it's the devil trying to ruin my life and all that jazz. I'm not trying to be flip about it, but I've heard all this before. In fact, I used to tell myself the very same things for years. I'm sure there's plenty of people who know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, I tell my Mom that I disagree, that it's the doubt about myself that will really ruin my life. At this point, we're sort of at the point where we're just agreeing to disagree.
I'm hoping that the situation will get better as my parents have more time to deal with everything.
*huggles*
i really hope everything turns out well for you.
what your mom said about the devil and all... that's actually re main reason why i left the Church also- but at the moment, i'm not finding any more acceptance boy other place either... so i don't think it has something to do with her religion being a bit prejudice. just give them time. they'll come around. what you can also do is talk to your therapist and ask him/her to talk to your parents- even if it's just over the phone.
people just get things better when they hear it from a professional.
*huggles* Sweety.
Thanks, Eloise. Very nice of you to say.
*hugs* back!
Anyway, I saw my Mum yesterday for a bit, and she was actually a lot better about everything. She was saying I should get a second opinion, that kind of thing. Not to stop seeing my therapist, just to see someone else a few times as well, and make sure that all the bases are covered. I've already been planning on doing that, so once I said so, my Mum seemed to calm down quite a bit.
I think she's under the impression that things are happening very fast (even though it feels to me like things can't happen fast enough). I have to remind myself that she's dealing with something she only found out about a few months ago, while I've been going through all of this for years.
And here's the best part-- she didn't mention the devil. Not once. :)
Haha- i had the 'second opinion' being played on me alot. well- when my parents split up i had to go to three different therapists and when the issue me my gender came up in conversation, they always tried to fish what the other had to say about it. Haha
I also had to do remind myself... and I'm telling you, it's not quite easy to understand. put myself in their shoes- sure. understand how come they don't get what I'm going through- not quite. Haha
it's probably a good sign that your mom hasn't mentioned the devil. *smiles*
although- my mom is praying i would 'find my way' in life' soon. kind of annoying i must admit. (-^.^-)
good luck with the other therapists you're about to see. i just hope your mom takes it well if they give the same evaluation.
chat soon jessica.
see you round.
*huggles*
Hi Jessica L. I was about ready to go out the door when I found this thread. I am not certain what all I can advise you with but I am willing to do a little trouble shooting later with you when I get back home.
Cindy
I know that I'm really lucky to have parents that are so understanding.
If you believe in god, you ought to be thanking the deity for that, for sure. This is a blessing beyond all else. The difference between family support or not is beyond huge.
Eloise-- Thanks for the well-wishes! I think I might be waiting another month or so before going after a second opinion, as I've only seen my own therapist a total of four times so far. I think I've got plenty to deal with without trying to see another therapist right now.
Cindy-- thanks for the offer! I think I might take you up on that. :)
Tekla-- Absolutely right. While my parents aren't just saying "whatever you need" they're still talking to me, and like you're saying the difference between having the support and not is absolutely huge.
Hi, Jessica L.,
It sounds to me to be the response of a typical parent realizing and not just recognizing the problem. Suspicion is one thing, actuality quite another. The coming into focus of this phenomenon that can be a bit of a shock even if they did suspect it for some time.
I think everything will work out OK. I believe your mother knew a lot more about this than you realize. I could be thinking about someone else's post but was it not you that said it was your mom that told your dad? And later, your dad was the one who contacted you to tell you your mom was having some difficulties? It appears that your Dad at this point will support whatever you mom decides. Maybe he is waiting on your mother to show him the way before making any decisions.
I am only guessing here and I pray that I have come to understanding this scenario correctly.
If I am correct then there is much hope of gaining their support just don't push to hard.
Cindy
Hi Cindy--
Yep, sounds like you've got my story straight (good job!). I think you're right, I just need to give them time without pushing too hard. Having not been pushing for a couple weeks, they seem a little more comfortable with it. I guess we'll see how things go.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Hi Jessica L. you are quite welcome. Yea just relax until you get the opinion of that 2nd therapist. It should be one that is a least knowledgeable about transsexual. The one I had was just a regular psychiatrist I was seeing for a bipolar disorder. I did most of the research myself for him so that he could set up appointments so I could get properly assessed as being TS. Would you believe that was at the Clark Institute in Toronto? mmmm, 9 years ago. Of course that was pre Zucher time.
Again I did my own research and again arranged for my psychiatrist to get an appointment with an endo so I could get on HRT. I ended up doing most of the foot work myself. I just stuck with my shrink because it's like when you find a realy comfortable pair of old slippers and you hate to throw them away because you have become attached to them. Anyway there were no gender therapists closer then Toronto which was about 200 miles from where I was living. Well I made it anyways and I am here in the now.
I realy don't know if this helps in anyway, except that I hope you get another therapist who is knowledgeable about TS. If nothing else at least I do pray this post was entertaining. ;D
Have a wonderful day sis.
Cindy
Hi Cindy--
Always entertaining! I think the funny thing here is that the therapist I'm seeing now is actually pretty knowledgable about ts issues. That's kind of why I think it odd that everyone thinks I need a 2nd opinion. Everyone just wants to make sure I'm not getting pushed into anything by someone with an agenda. I don't feel like that is what's happening, but if it makes it easier on my folks, then that's what I'll do.
And of course, more drama. Emailed back and forth with my Mum a bit, and we're back to everything I'm doing being twisted and perverted. Not really worth going into all the details. I feel like this is how things go in the initial stages, based on my own experience and what other people have said-- you get three steps forward and two back. You end up with a little net progress, but not much. This one sort of felt like three steps forward and four back. I might end up seeing my parents next week, so we'll see how it goes. I always have to remember to be patient. Something I've been dealing with for years is something they've only been dealing with for a few months, and probably spent most of the time hoping it would go away.
Patience!
Hi Jessica L. hon exactly, most people out there will not understand unless they have done some research on the subject of TS. To some people it is taboo and it is impossible to cross the gender line. As for a second opinion with another therapist, It doesn't hurt if there is a good possibility of it being helpful in relieving your mom's doubts and uncertainties. That was why I also suggested you find another therapist that is, at the very least, knowledgeable as to what being TS means.
It sounds like your mom is just undecided and uncertain and possibly worried about you and what could happen. I will say as in the case of many TS who believe their SO, will stick with them, but very few do. What can one expect from someone who married you thinking they were marrying a (regular) man or what have you at any rate rarely does it work.
But I believe there is a better chance that parent's will accept their child finally when they eventually realise that this is the way it's going to be whether they like it or not. Then they may realize it may be preferable to look at it with an open minded and accept their child in the other gender, then to loose them altogether. At least that is the way I would feel. I had eleven children go under my roof through the years, nephews, nieces, four foster children, and my own three kids.
I loved all of them equally and if any of them would have been born with an extra leg or arm etc or any other of those horrible inflictions we sometimes hear about, may God forbid, I certainly would sigh in relief if a doctor would have told me that one of my kids was TS. I still would not have loved them any less no mater which affliction they had.
I will send prayers that all will work out for you hon. You may even show your mom this post if you wish and you think it might help in some way.
Cindy
Hi Cindy--
Thanks for the kind words. I'm sure that things will work themselves out, and like you said, I think the 2nd opinion is going to do more to assuage doubt than anything else.
I'm going through some of what you mentioned with my wife right now. It's definitely tough, but I'm realizing that as our relationship changes it may not meet her needs. It's hard to accept, but important to realize. It isn't all about me, much as I might like to think it is. :)
And thanks for the prayers. They're appreciated more than you know.
Love and hugs
Hi Jessica L., thank you for taking my suggestions into consideration. I know that if I were younger I would still love to have children in my care. Take care and I meant it when I said I will send prayers that all will go well with everyone in the family. It is such a precious thing to have family standing beside you during any Crisis and your transitioning is just as much a crisis as any other disturbance in your life.
Cindy