When I was younger, around 13 or 14, I started repressing how I really felt about myself. There
were a lot of reasons but a biggie was I felt female inside but outside I felt like I was all boy and
could never look like a girl, ever. There was no way, I was ugly and that was it.
I was looking at old pictures last night and ran across some of me around 13/14 and
I actually would have passed as a girl with no trouble at all. It was kinda sad
actually and I teared up because I really felt the loss of not having done something
back then when I could have so obviously passed :(.
The sadness did not last very long though because I ran across a picture of me
and my older sister when she was around 30... and if you saw her picture next to
my avatar picture you would swear we were sisters. I was the uglier sister of course :)
But our eyes/forehead and smiles are identical. Our noses are very similar with the tip of mine being
slightly larger. The only real difference is my chin which is wider. It really made me happy
because she was and is very pretty and was never short of boys hanging around when we
were growing up.
Anyway, my question is how many of you denied yourself your transistion because you thought
when you were younger you could never pass?
Amanda
Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 10, 2008, 12:19:36 PM
Anyway, my question is how many of you denied yourself your transistion because you thought
when you were younger you could never pass?
(raises hand)
I've always obsessed over being 6'2", thinking there was just NO way transitioning would ever make me anything more than a very tall man in a dress to everyone. I know some people say "self-acceptance" can overcome anything, and I should have just done it anyway and dealt with the taunts, but it was never about "expressing myself" for me. My goal has always been to be socially accepted as a female, and I just didn't see that happening at my height.
To be honest, when I DID "decide" to transition, it wasn't because I realized I might pass, or that my self-acceptance grew... it was because I had to TRY, and figured if it didn't work and I wasn't accepted, I'd just end it all.
Some "plan," huh?
~Kate~
QuoteTo be honest, when I DID "decide" to transition, it wasn't because I realized I might pass, or that my self-acceptance grew...
Exactly the same for me... in fact I just knew I would not pass.
Coming close to passing has just been a bonus.
Amanda
I have always thought I could not pass, at all. I think I have described myself in other threads. I'm on the big side. When I was younger I was 6 foot and I had very broad shoulders and a barrel chest. It was very hard for me to wear womens clothes as they wear very tight around the shoulders and my arms. I also had big arms. I would look in the mirrors and cry in secret that I would never be a woman. I threw all that out and I just went for it. I lost some weight and now I'm fairly proportioned still big for a woman, but hey, when I started this journey I told a friend of mine that I may be the ugliest woman on the face of this world, but I will be a woman. Now I'm amazed at that I do pass and fairly well I might add. I love it and should have done this a very long time ago.
Sheila
Yep same for me! I got the courage to go to a gender group when I was 16 and it scared me so I decided to throw everything away and try and be a dude as best I could. I look back on pictures of me then and its like eeeyaah! If only I hadn't been such a wuss >_< I'm 22 now and the difference is terrible in those few years. High school year books make me cringe because I actually had a pretty cute haircut.. no facial hair. Shoot, hindsight is 20/20 :3
I cant say i didnt do it because i thought i couldnt pass. It was due to denial, not having the courage to do anything about it, then ending up stuck in a relationship, before coming full circle through the whole process and then transitioning after a year. At most passing delyed me by a couple of months.
I just regret the lack of courage i had, but more importantly, information about it. If i knew alot more about it then, well, never knew what would have happened :)
I never thought i could pass. So that kind of hinder me for like 20 years......
I remember that someone told me "you need that body to Transition with so you should stop hurting it". That was my first inclination that i mght be able to live this life.
I think that almost all of us at some point think that we will never pass; I know I sure thought I would never pass and a lot of the time still it feel that I'm being clocked but oh well. I may not look like a woman but I am one and I think that there are some of us that will never pass without FFS, but for others I think passing is more an attitude. How we present ourselves to the public, how we see ourselves and how others see us.
Passing wasn't a consideration, tbh. Other struggles were, including having children. The doubts about overcoming conditioning. I never expected to 'pass' just knew it couldn't wait any longer and passing didn't matter.
So, I was quite pleased to find I do and have. That just simply wasn't an issue, staying alive was. The rest has been bonus stuff.
But, never have had the 'size' difficulty and I am sure that helps. Oddly, for me, the conditioning problem has been minimal, although living for a year between 19 & 20 doing what I suppose was CD-ing was helpful maybe. It was simply time for Nichole to live. She has and does and I couldn't be happier except having a large net-worth would be helpful, which I don't.
N~
[/quote]
To be honest, when I DID "decide" to transition, it wasn't because I realized I might pass, or that my self-acceptance grew... it was because I had to TRY, and figured if it didn't work and I wasn't accepted, I'd just end it all.
Some "plan," huh?
~Kate~
[/quote]
Well, I had the same sort of plan too so you are not the only one. It's a good thing that neither of us have to resort to that, eh?
Fear of not passing was not my issue but just fear. Mostly of what people would think. I repressed my true self out of survival and lived my life the way everyone else thought I should or expected of me. No wonder I was so unhappy and done with life. I finally started my transition because I had too.
Now fear of not passing did keep at home for quite awhile and I became very depressed. My wife trying to turn me out of the path I am on is constantly telling me I'm too big to pass and a freak and other discouraging things. But my doctor put me in contact with a therapist who's fees were based on a sliding scale so I could afford to have one. Because of her encouragement I'm now out in public as myself and the depression is gone. I can't praise my therapist enough, she is the best. I still feel I don't pass a lot but I don't care I'm happy.
Sheena
Quote from: Sheena on April 10, 2008, 09:35:05 PM
Fear of not passing was not my issue but just fear. Mostly of what people would think. I repressed my true self out of survival and lived my life the way everyone else thought I should or expected of me.
Someone I can relate to - but I haven't got past the fear stage yet. I know I can pass, for the most part, but... I'm in my 30s - as I get older, it gets more difficult. Now I'm starting to worry about passing, too.
Fear of not passing is one the two main things holding me back. I look in the mirror and I see a tall, bulky guy. I used to lift weight seriously when I was an undergrad and ten years later I still have that bulky figure. I'm trying to lose weight and I know that HRT can cause a loss of muscle mass, but I just can't get past the fear that if I transition people will never see me as a woman, only a tall man in women's cloths.
Amanda, I'm 18 and you look A LOT better than me... I don't know what you are fussing about. To be honest I think all you really need is hair removal on your face, hormones, and voice therapy along with SRS. You have nice features
I agree with a previous post in this thread that one of the main reasons I have not committed to transitioning is because I don't think I will pass. So, right now I am trying to lost weight and make subtle feminine changes where I can. I think that other reasons I am delaying transitioning are that I feel that my family will not understand and a lack of money.
I've been delaying my transitions for three reasons.
1. Fear of not passing.
2. My life will affect other people's lives, possibly negatively. Mainly my girlfriend will be affected.
3. Just general fear of discrimination.
The third is becoming less and less important. The first I'm starting to realize isn't important either.
Just a little worried about the second one.
:-\
For it was a small factor when I was young and got bigger as I aged. I come from Jehovah's Wittiness back ground. They are very conservative I was told GLBT would get raft of god( it's death and no earthly resurrection They don't believe hell) and be judge accordingly. That didn't really stop me it was disappointing my family and the stigma. The JWs do a form of shunning which was a factor becuase of most of my family are JWs. Maybe the fact getting called gay slurs from 5th and on didn't help and didn't really want to do anything to prove them right. I mean how many kids in 80ies say "I want to grow up be a glbt". Also something bad happen to me when I was young 7ish I felt it kind of happen because I was the way. I am even though it was not true. Well that what held me up until age 33. I know once I get to therapist I will probably have to discuss my childhood for hours.
Anna
Quote from: Tanya1 on April 12, 2008, 08:28:52 AM
Amanda, I'm 18 and you look A LOT better than me... I don't know what you are fussing about. To be honest I think all you really need is hair removal on your face, hormones, and voice therapy along with SRS. You have nice features
Thank you Tanya :) I'm finding out that a lot of us don't really see what others see... if the complements are
to believed. And I have no reason to think everyone is lying to me :) But as I've said, I just see an ugly guy still.
And Tanya... HRT at age 18 will work magic on you... by 22 you will be so pretty and no one will be able
to tell your are anything but GG. OMG... I'd trade places with you if I could :)
Amanda
I was never concerned that I couldn't pass until I had actually begun HRT! I was 51 when I started and after having done what was expected of me for 46 years, I didn't much care. What I hade was what the world got. That is how I feel to this moment.
At six feet tall I am not petite. I dress in plus-size clothing, and I feel great about who I am. I am a woman in my heart, in my mind, in my soul, and in my life and the way I live it. I pass.
Wing Walker
I dressed up as a teenage (way back then) girl and sorta passed until friends saw me and laughted. We all doubted because no one was doing/discussing it 20 plus years ago. They was no support, only ridicule. I still want to pass as a female (MTF). I think of myself as female 24/7 and play the male role for others. Let's be the real us!!
roni
QuoteThank you Tanya Smiley I'm finding out that a lot of us don't really see what others see... if the complements are
to believed. And I have no reason to think everyone is lying to me Smiley But as I've said, I just see an ugly guy still.
Amanda, I don't at all see what you see. From the first time I saw your picture I thought she must have been on hormones for awhile She is a nice looking woman.
Hugs,
Sheena
Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 10, 2008, 12:19:36 PM
Anyway, my question is how many of you denied yourself your transistion because you thought
when you were younger you could never pass?
Amanda
Please add me to the list !
Seems so stupid looking back but I was absolutely convinced I would never look like a girl, let alone an attractive girl (which I so wanted to be !), and that I would always be gawped at and made fun of ....
Sure many years of severe acne didn't help (it went away for ever within a week of starting HRT !), and its difficult to "compete" in your teens and 20s when girls are at their most perfect, innocent, prettiest, and I was this awkward gangling thing in comparison .... sure is easier to compete in the beauty stakes when you're a 40 or 50 something ?
So it was 100% the fear of being mocked and ridiculed because of my appearance, not for being transsexual which I always knew parents, family and close friends would accept !
I had no handicaps like so many here, being (now) 133 pounds, dress size 8 / 10, just 5ft 7in .....
What "clinched it" for me was, after six months of self-medication, coming out to a close TS friend who coaxed me into my first real world emergence as "Laura" .... I instantly saw I "passed" and was full-time within two weeks !
Three years on and I really do pass 100% (like being with a guy (quite a few guys actually) evenings on end .... my incessant talking which I'm always ribbed for, kissing, cuddling .... without them having a clue) but that's another different dillema ....
I seem to be forever fighting off guys who I seem to attract like moths to a light whenever I'm alone in a bar or restaurant, and who I lead on somewhat terrible .... catching up with what I should have been doing thru my 20s & 30s .... but its a sad thing for a middle aged woman (even if she looks 10 years younger) to be doing ?
If I could go back in time I know that my life could have been so different, but I try not to let it get me down :(
Laura x
Quote from: Laura Eva B on April 13, 2008, 10:47:16 AMI seem to be forever fighting off guys who I seem to attract like moths to a light whenever I'm alone in a bar or restaurant, and who I lead on somewhat terrible .... catching up with what I should have been doing thru my 20s & 30s .... but its a sad thing for a middle aged woman (even if she looks 10 years younger) to be doing ?
It isn't that, Laura... if I felt safe in that situation I would go for it too... but it's scary to me when that happens, I do not trust men. Too many very bad things happen to women that way.
I remember being 22 years old and wanting to transition, but telling myself I could never pass. I kept telling myself it was impossible until I was twice that age. Then the inner pressure to transition had built up so powerfully, it was no longer a question of possibility, only that it was imperative to get moving on it, and just go for broke. To my delight and amazement, I found that it did become possible. Laura, that was an interesting point about it being easier to compete with women your age when you're in your 40s and 50s. I think in fact that is working for me right now.
There's a saying: If you think it's impossible, you're right; if you think it's possible, you're right.
Wow! You girls look good. I tried going out as female in my teens...didn't get any acceptance from my friends. Wasn't widely ok in the 70-80's. Thinking seriously about doing it now at 50 on one of my many business trips...where no one would know me. Just testing the waters...could I pass??
roni
Quote
Amanda, I don't at all see what you see. From the first time I saw your picture I thought she must have been on hormones for awhile She is a nice looking woman. Hugs, Sheena
Thank you Sheena :) you guys keep saying it maybe I should start to believe it and see it myself :)
Amanda
When I was a kid, I figured Id have no troubble... and I was right... well, no troubble in the passing area anyways... Family turned out to be the real issue... <long story told in other posts>
When puberty hit, I figured Id never pass... period... huge hands, somewhat big feet... "perfect facial hair" "A perfect strong jaw line" and a few other things...
Well, I was wrong, and thats all there is to it... The largest problem with passing are idiots who cant keep there mouths shut... there the real issue... well, now adays anyways... <family included in idiots with big mouths>
Laura, I can't see how you can possibly be 48. If I had to guess I'd say 30. You really look wonderful :)
QuoteSeems so stupid looking back but I was absolutely convinced I would never look like a girl, let alone an attractive girl (which I so wanted to be !), and that I would always be gawped at and made fun of ....
I'd love to feel stupid about some of things I'm worried about now... omg... please make me feel stupid lol
QuoteIf I could go back in time I know that my life could have been so different, but I try not to let it get me down
I fight this every hour of every day so I know exactly what you are saying.
Amanda
Posted on: April 13, 2008, 11:49:17 PM
Quote
To my delight and amazement, I found that it did become possible. Laura, that was an interesting point about it being easier to compete with women your age when you're in your 40s and 50s. I think in fact that is working for me right now.
Is it because so many women who are in their 40's and 50's have just given up and don't even seem to
try to look attractive?
Amanda
Posted on: April 13, 2008, 11:58:05 PM
Quote from: roni on April 13, 2008, 03:17:16 PM
Wow! You girls look good. I tried going out as female in my teens...didn't get any acceptance from my friends. Wasn't widely ok in the 70-80's. Thinking seriously about doing it now at 50 on one of my many business trips...where no one would know me. Just testing the waters...could I pass??
roni
Hard to tell from the small avatar but from what I can see you look very feminine.
Amanda
Posted on: April 14, 2008, 12:00:11 AM
Quote from: LynnER on April 13, 2008, 11:48:35 PM
When I was a kid, I figured Id have no troubble... and I was right... well, no troubble in the passing area anyways... Family turned out to be the real issue... <long story told in other posts>
When puberty hit, I figured Id never pass... period... huge hands, somewhat big feet... "perfect facial hair" "A perfect strong jaw line" and a few other things...
Well, I was wrong, and thats all there is to it... The largest problem with passing are idiots who cant keep there mouths shut... there the real issue... well, now adays anyways... <family included in idiots with big mouths>
Yea I can see that for me too... I guess the people that know will always be a problem.
Amanda
From your picture you look great. I don't know why you wouldn't consider yourself passable. I remember that when I first saw my self totally fem, my reaction was "this is who I am - it is me". But I was driven toward goals at the time - first my B.S., then my Ph.D., then I merged into the mainstream - marriage, job etc., and commitments overtook me.
QuoteFrom your picture you look great. I don't know why you wouldn't consider yourself passable. I remember that when I first saw my self totally fem, my reaction was "this is who I am - it is me". But I was driven toward goals at the time - first my B.S., then my Ph.D., then I merged into the mainstream - marriage, job etc., and commitments overtook me.
Thank you so much Anne :) I had a strong reaction the first time I saw myself fem and I started to tell the
story here but I think I'll start a new topic because I'd like to hear others stories.
But you know there is a lot more to passing than how you look, voice, walk, body, how you move are all involved. And
I'm so scared of being the "guy in the dress". I don't want to be laughed at. So here I am stuck waiting to
get to the point were that won't happen while Amanda wait's patiently for me to get over my fears.
Amanda
I still am delaying for that purpose.
How many of you delayed because you thought you could not pass?
It's a great topic and hits home with many of us...
In my early years I looked great and went out a lot as a girl....but as I got older I looked worse and thought I was getting too old to transition. In the back of my mind I still have those thoughts sometimes when I'm feeling low or think I don't look as good as I might have done if the opportunity of transitioning had been much earlier..
Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 14, 2008, 12:01:56 AMIs it because so many women who are in their 40's and 50's have just given up and don't even seem to
try to look attractive?
Hmm, I had to think about that one. Your question reminded me of when I lived in East Asia, the Asian women stayed looking good all through middle age, but nearly all the white women I saw there simply forgot about taking care of their looks as soon as they hit 40, and just frumped out. There was such a sharp cultural divide there between Asians and Europeans. It was a walking illustration of Kipling's line about "East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet." I can only wonder about what post-colonial ethnic dynamics may have influenced that situation.
If I were the only 48-year-old dame paying attention to her looks, I would stand out more than would be comfortable. But fortunately, I have plenty of company. Here in the Washington DC area, we have such an array of ethnic diversity, and many women both American and immigrant are taking good care of their looks as they age. And there are some who don't.
So there's a range of looks among middle-aged DC-area women, enough to allow me to blend in well here. Plus they dress better around here than in most of America, which also gives me plenty of company, since I like to dress well. The washingtonpost.com Fashion & Beauty (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/artsandliving/fashionandbeauty/) section is lively with informational features for chic DC babes, like Trend Spotter and Talking Fashion, you can sign up for e-mails that tip you to the latest hot styles, sales, and deals in the area.
I'm not that old only 22, but for me I'm 6 foot and have a size 13 in mens shoes. So trying to find cute shoes is a bit of trouble.
The way I think ether you like me or you don't. It does not mater to me because; I have friends. Me personally I think I would have a little bit of problem transitioning.
QuoteMe personally I think I would have a little bit of problem transitioning.
You should stick around and read some of the posts, at least two women here Kate and
Keira are 6 foot or more(as I recall... so sorry if I've got that wrong guys) and have been
very successful. I worried about my height a little but I'm only 5-10 and I want to grow
up to be like both of them :)
There are MANY tall beautiful women, but if you are 5-10 or over you are in the top one
percentile of all women as far as height goes. But it does say something that so many
actresses are tall and I think it's that men find them attractive and sexy.
* Brigitte Nielsen is 6'1"
* Conservative author Ann Coulter is 6'0"
* Actress Mariel Hemingway is 6'0"
* Mick Jagger's Ex-Wife Jerry Hall is 6'0"
* Geena Davis is 6'0"
* Elle MacPherson is 6'0"
* Brooke Shields is 6'0"
* Uma Thurman is 6'0"
* Sigourney Weaver is 5'11 1/2"
* Brenda Strong is 5'11 1/2"
* Model / Actress Rachel Hunter is 5'11"
* Model / Actress Tyra Banks is 5'11"
* Susan Anton is 5'11"
* Anna Nicole Smith is 5'11"
* Country-Singer Terri Clark is 5'11"
* Actress / Singer Grace Jones is 5'10 1/2"
* Playboy Playmate Victoria Silvstedt is 5'101/2"
* Lucy Lawless is 5'10 1/2"
* Nicole Kidman is 5'10 1/2"
* Jennifer Coolidge is 5'10"
* Hulk Hogan's daughter Brooke is a singer and 5'10"
* Courtney Love is 5'10"
* Actress Laura Dern is 5'10"
* Multi-Talent Queen Latifah is 5'10"
* Model / Actress Naomi Campbell is 5'10"
* Gorgeous Actress Daisy Fuentes is 5'10"
* Kelly McGillis is 5'10"
* Singer Carly Simon is 5'10"
* Beautiful Kim Cattrall is 5'10"
* The gorgeous Mira Sorvino is also 5'10"
* Jules Asner is 5'10"
* Elizabeth Jagger - daughter of Mick and Jerry Hall - is 5'10"
* Tennis-Goddess Serena Williams is 5'10"
* Model / Actress Angie Everhart is 5'10"
* Singer / Actress Mandy Moore is 5'10"
* Elizabeth Berkley is 5'10"
* Anjelica Huston is 5'10"
* Lynn Redgrave is 5'10"
* Liv Tyler is 5'10"
* Shannon Tweed is 5'10"
* Jenna Elfman is 5'10"
* Daryl Hannah is 5'10"
Amanda
Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 16, 2008, 11:53:20 AM
QuoteMe personally I think I would have a little bit of problem transitioning.
You should stick around and read some of the posts, at least two women here Kate and Keira are 6 foot or more...
6'2" here ;)
It really hasn't been a problem. You WILL get noticed though, especially with men. Women don't seem to notice it much, I guess because as someone once suggested, they're more used to seeing people taller than themselves.
~Kate~
Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 16, 2008, 11:53:20 AM
QuoteMe personally I think I would have a little bit of problem transitioning.
You should stick around and read some of the posts, at least two women here Kate and
Keira are 6 foot or more(as I recall... so sorry if I've got that wrong guys) and have been
very successful. I worried about my height a little but I'm only 5-10 and I want to grow
up to be like both of them :)
There are MANY tall beautiful women, but if you are 5-10 or over you are in the top one
percentile of all women as far as height goes. But it does say something that so many
actresses are tall and I think it's that men find them attractive and sexy.
* Brigitte Nielsen is 6'1"
* Conservative author Ann Coulter is 6'0"
* Actress Mariel Hemingway is 6'0"
* Mick Jagger's Ex-Wife Jerry Hall is 6'0"
* Geena Davis is 6'0"
* Elle MacPherson is 6'0"
* Brooke Shields is 6'0"
* Uma Thurman is 6'0"
* Sigourney Weaver is 5'11 1/2"
* Brenda Strong is 5'11 1/2"
* Model / Actress Rachel Hunter is 5'11"
* Model / Actress Tyra Banks is 5'11"
* Susan Anton is 5'11"
* Anna Nicole Smith is 5'11"
* Country-Singer Terri Clark is 5'11"
* Actress / Singer Grace Jones is 5'10 1/2"
* Playboy Playmate Victoria Silvstedt is 5'101/2"
* Lucy Lawless is 5'10 1/2"
* Nicole Kidman is 5'10 1/2"
* Jennifer Coolidge is 5'10"
* Hulk Hogan's daughter Brooke is a singer and 5'10"
* Courtney Love is 5'10"
* Actress Laura Dern is 5'10"
* Multi-Talent Queen Latifah is 5'10"
* Model / Actress Naomi Campbell is 5'10"
* Gorgeous Actress Daisy Fuentes is 5'10"
* Kelly McGillis is 5'10"
* Singer Carly Simon is 5'10"
* Beautiful Kim Cattrall is 5'10"
* The gorgeous Mira Sorvino is also 5'10"
* Jules Asner is 5'10"
* Elizabeth Jagger - daughter of Mick and Jerry Hall - is 5'10"
* Tennis-Goddess Serena Williams is 5'10"
* Model / Actress Angie Everhart is 5'10"
* Singer / Actress Mandy Moore is 5'10"
* Elizabeth Berkley is 5'10"
* Anjelica Huston is 5'10"
* Lynn Redgrave is 5'10"
* Liv Tyler is 5'10"
* Shannon Tweed is 5'10"
* Jenna Elfman is 5'10"
* Daryl Hannah is 5'10"
Amanda
yes, we definitely do. I love tall women. You gals always got the best legs.
That's cheered me up...I sometimes think I'm tall at 5' 7"....
Can someone compile a list of female celebrities who are 5' 7"?
QuoteThat's cheered me up...I sometimes think I'm tall at 5' 7"....
It should cheer you up... I'd love to be three inches shorter :) For the
purposes of the tall women list, 5-10 is considered to be the top 1% of
all women.
Here ya go, you have some pretty awesome company:
Lucille Ball 5'7-1/2"
Jessica Biel 5'7-1/2"
Sandra Bullock 5'7-1/2"
Celine Dion 5'7-1/2"
McKenzie Philips 5'7-1/2"
Susan Sarandon 5'7-1/2"
Kirstie Alley 5'7"
Julie Andrews 5'7"
Kim Basinger 5'7"
Halle Berry 5'7"
Amelia Earhart 5'7"
Jane Fonda 5'7"
Audrey Hepburn 5'7"
Angelina Jolie 5'7"
Keira Knightley 5'7"
Sela Ward
Oprah Winfrey 5'7"
Amanda
Posted on: April 16, 2008, 02:56:03 PM
Quoteyes, we definitely do. I love tall women. You gals always got the best legs.
As a gay women I could not agree more Nero :) My SO is half an inch shy of six feet and she
does look good in heels :)
Amanda
This is why I love susans! Whether something I read here breaks my spirits or further validates who I am, it's as if every thread I read (here in the transsexual section) is written with me in mind.
Fear of not passing is holding me back, definitely. When I got home today from college (and stopping off at a rock quarry to inquire about prices) I told her about how the lady at the front desk at the rock quarry COULD NOT keep her eyes off my body. She was really staring at my chest as I talked, then would look at my arms and my hips and really just about everything. I don't know if she was just curious about me (she was a lot older than me, I'm in my mid 30's) or if she was grading my ability to pass. I just don't know. What I do know is that going on hormones (even if it was the weaker herbal stuff) has changed my personality big time. I smile a lot more. I say hi to more people. I am definitely more attracted to me now. And occasionally, I'll catch a man looking at me :D
Even though I probably should not, I am so happy with the way my body is starting to look. I even tell my wife how I like my new boobies :D She told me today "you're not as bad looking as you think you are", but I'm not sure she meant it in the way I hoped, as in I look prettier than I think.
My face is so pretty boy like, but not really feminine. I am a bonafide candidate for FFS and will get it if I can ever afford it. There are times that I just want to go buy a pair of girl's jeans, a pretty top in a pastel color and some lacy socks and girl's tennis shoes, and just head to the mall. But, then I start imagining myself as everyone else in this thread does. Bulky, masculine-looking, five o'clock shadow. I have NO DOUBT that I am transsexual so one side of the coin it should not matter whether I look feminine enough because I am a woman.
VERY SOON here I'm going to get my first set of clothes and start venturing out. Taunts and all.
Aeron
QuoteWhether something I read here breaks my spirits or further validates who I am, it's as if every thread I read (here in the transsexual section) is written with me in mind.
Yea me too... I've never felt more at home anywhere :)
QuoteWhat I do know is that going on hormones (even if it was the weaker herbal stuff) has changed my personality big time. I smile a lot more. I say hi to more people. I am definitely more attracted to me now.
Same here, not sure if I'm more comfortable with who I am, or they have magically opened new pathways in
my brain but whatever the cause I feel the same way :)
QuoteVERY SOON here I'm going to get my first set of clothes and start venturing out. Taunts and all.
Good for you... it's exciting and I don't think you will get any taunts... at least I didn't. I think you will
find that people for the most part ignore you... it's more of a problem inside your head. Good luck, let us
know how it goes, I love reading about others success :)
Amanda
Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 16, 2008, 03:05:38 PM
QuoteThat's cheered me up...I sometimes think I'm tall at 5' 7"....
It should cheer you up... I'd love to be three inches shorter :) For the
purposes of the tall women list, 5-10 is considered to be the top 1% of
all women.
Here ya go, you have some pretty awesome company:
Lucille Ball 5'7-1/2"
Jessica Biel 5'7-1/2"
Sandra Bullock 5'7-1/2"
Celine Dion 5'7-1/2"
McKenzie Philips 5'7-1/2"
Susan Sarandon 5'7-1/2"
Kirstie Alley 5'7"
Julie Andrews 5'7"
Kim Basinger 5'7"
Halle Berry 5'7"
Amelia Earhart 5'7"
Jane Fonda 5'7"
Audrey Hepburn 5'7"
Angelina Jolie 5'7"
Keira Knightley 5'7"
Sela Ward
Oprah Winfrey 5'7"
Amanda
I am very surprised and pleased by the list which puts me in fantastic company ay 5' 7". But I always thought the average female is about 5' 5" and many women are small in my area....
It's very uplifting to hear about women who are 6'0 or taller, and have no trouble passing. I'm 6'2 myself and my height has been one of the things I hated most about myself and it's made me think I could never pass as a woman. Reading about your successes does give me hope. =) Thanks girls!
Anyway so yeah, I guess I have been delaying transitioning because I didn't think I could pass, but in my case I've also been in denial about being TS for a very long time. I did a good job lying to myself too. I think my appearance, and my height, and the fact that there's almost nothing feminine about me, made it a lot harder for me to accept that I'm TS.
For me it was like a chain reaction. Driving on my way home I became very depressed and emotional. I was just coming back from a Trans support group and I hated the thought of having to become the other me when I got home.
This intense emotional pain within culminated to the point of wanting to commit suicide by driving my car into a rock-cut, then I changed my mind after realising that it wasn't the inner-self that wanted to die, it was who resided outside that was not happy. The I went shopping at the Salvation Army and bought the proper clothing for a woman to wear, then got rid of everything I had that was from my previous life.
The next day I walked out of the apartment building I lived at as Cindy that morning and continued just walking proudly putting on big genuine smile at the folks as I walked by. Projecting works quite well when I so desires for others to see me as what I wish them to see. So yes before I just though it was taboo to speak about any of this to anyone else out there, and it was fear that held me back for the past ten years after I knew what GID and the word transsexual meant.
Once I crossed over that barrier I just simply knew that there was no turning around, if I did I would quickly retreat back into depression and the thoughts of suicide would return. I suppose I had one bonus for me even if I wasn't all that passable at the start, that was size. 5' 3" and 120lbs.
Cindy
This is on being tall. I see a lot of tall women, I'm always paying attention being just under 6' myself. I had mentioned to someone who was complementing me on how I looked that I wish my feet weren't so big, I'm size 12w. She told me Oprah Winfrey wore size 12, I'm not sure if that's correct but it made my day. My pastors wife is a little over 6' making her taller than him and wears larger shoes than he does and she is gorgeous and use to be a model. The other night I was grocery shopping and saw a beautiful tall woman wearing at least 5" heels and her shoes had to be 12's or better and they and she looked great.
Sheena
I definitely delayed transition because both me and my SO felt that I could never pass. She, in fact, said that I would be like Arnold Swartzenegger in drag and make a spectacle of myself. So I lived for years as in an androgynous presentation with a long pony tail which made me look very strange. More like a aging flamboyantly gay male than a woman. I got looks constantly from strangers because I was such a sight.
Then one day my SO gave me an ultimatum, get my hair styled in a woman's style and start full time or she would stop supporting me. She also said, that if I did look ridiculous, it could be the end of our marriage. Imagine how it was for me sitting in the stylist chair wondering if the result would end my marriage. When she saw me, she said that she could live with it as she said I was very convincing.
What I found is that even I am very male looking in drab, I could get to be passable and now pass most of the time. If you saw a photo of me in my old persona, you would say that there would be no hope for me to pass.
QuoteIf you saw a photo of me in my old persona, you would say that there would be no hope for me to pass.
That is so true for me as well...
You look wonderful Maggie :)
Amanda
Thanks so much, Amanda. I am still getting used to this new look.
VERY SOON here I'm going to get my first set of clothes and start venturing out. Taunts and all.
Aeron
For me it had to be one of the first steps to being who I really am. I say just have fun and be yourself. And as far as taunts I find that just as Amanda said that a lot of people just ignore you and just go about their lives.
Hi MaggieB
From your avatar pic I would say that you truly do look very good and passable.
"Hee, hee," I wonder who let out all of the elders on this board today. Eh, just kidding, but It's nice to know there are others here from the school of the 60's
Cindy
I'm still delaying it...there isn't even a slight chance I could pass right now and it's slowing killing me. I can't wait too much longer, every day gets that much harder to hold it back :(
Ha I started taking HRT 5 years ago but stopped after 3 months cause I was convinced I would never ever pass. Think Steven King and your pretty close to who I looked like before. Plus lots of general fear too. Needless to say I did start to transision 3 years later. One day I'll post the really old photo of the person I use to be. You would never know the two of me were even related. I was just looking at photo's of me from 6 months hrt and gee I've come a long way after 18 months hrt.
Amanda Girl. Relax and enjoy the ride. You will do fine hon.
Beni
QuoteAmanda Girl. Relax and enjoy the ride. You will do fine hon.
Thank Beni... I'm trying... I'm really trying :)
Hi Beni I am glad you resumed the transitioning and HRT sure does appear to have been generous to you, you look amazingly wonderful in your Avatar. I believe that a comparison to what you looked like before is truly not necessary to convince me.
Cindy
When I was a young teen I could probably have passed for a girl quite easily, just by growing and styling my hair a bit. It wasn't the fear of not passing that stopped me, it was the fact that way back then "sex changes" were so unheard of and totally unacceptable to society that I would have undoubtably been referred to a mental institution to be "cured". Even homosexual acts, in private or in public, were regarded as criminal behaviour. Any male wearing female clothes or displaying feminine behaviour would be classed as homosexual - there was no distinction between homosexuals and transgendered people - they were all "queers" and treated abominably by society and the law, at least in pre-1970s Britain. One could expect to be shamed and even sent to prison for going out dressed in womens clothes.
Quote from: louise000 on April 18, 2008, 04:03:26 AM
When I was a young teen I could probably have passed for a girl quite easily, just by growing and styling my hair a bit. It wasn't the fear of not passing that stopped me, it was the fact that way back then "sex changes" were so unheard of and totally unacceptable to society that I would have undoubtably been referred to a mental institution to be "cured". Even homosexual acts, in private or in public, were regarded as criminal behaviour. Any male wearing female clothes or displaying feminine behaviour would be classed as homosexual - there was no distinction between homosexuals and transgendered people - they were all "queers" and treated abominably by society and the law, at least in pre-1970s Britain. One could expect to be shamed and even sent to prison for going out dressed in womens clothes.
I loved it as a very young teen growing up in Britain in the mid 1970's .....I wore as many androgenous and femine clothes as I possibly could. I grew my hair as long as I could and most people assumed I was a 14 year old girl. You could really experiment and I would certainly do that....I have fond memories of that time.....and that was the point that I wanted to transition.
I wanted to talk to someone but there wasn't a GP I could approach and the internet didn't exist. It took me until the mid 1980's to actually talk about how I felt...
I was worried for a while if I was the only one who did this too. I was sure I couldn't pass having a big nose like I have. But even now as I've adopted a more female look (not on HRT yet), my wife says I'm starting to look female. I also started repressing myself in highschool when I was becomming more aware of things because my parents told me transgendered people were evil and if I ever did anything like that I'd become a child molester or something (honestly where the hell do people come up with connections like that?). Its comforting to know that we are not in this alone. I wish I could have the last 10 years of my life back to start tranistioning earlier, but its not going to happen, so I gotta go forward with the best in mind.
You can add me to the list. I just knew there was no way in the world I could ever pass.
Kristi
QuoteYou can add me to the list. I just knew there was no way in the world I could ever pass.
Can I assume that just about everybody has said that here?
If so that's pretty cool actually because there is hope for me :)
Amanda
I told you this before Amanda all I see is a young and beautiful women. And yes their was a point in my life that I thought that I would not pass, but now I don't really care about passing because; the way I feel is that I am who I am and that's that.
Quote from: Kristi on April 18, 2008, 11:35:50 PM
You can add me to the list. I just knew there was no way in the world I could ever pass.
Kristi, I just have to say-- of all the gals who've said this, you are definitely the most beautiful passer. Your picture is breathtaking each and every time I see it, giving me something to aspire to, hoping I can look as lovely as you do someday. Please post your beauty tips sometime!
Hi Kristi hon, you look very beautiful and passable to me. I realise that sometimes we go through some very traumatic things in our lives and feel like finding a hole somewhere to hide in. That is not the answer hon, been through that too, but I refused to remain in that hole. I longed to be with other members of the species called humans and so I am. My prayers go out to you.
Cindy
Posted on: April 19, 2008, 02:38:46 PM
Hi Athena, you will make it hon, believe in yourself and you will know when the time arrives. I will send prayers for your success on your journey.
Cindy
Thank you; Cindy you are very sweet.
QuoteI told you this before Amanda all I see is a young and beautiful women.
Thank you Athena. :) If I were only young... I guess age is relative :)
QuoteKristi, I just have to say-- of all the gals who've said this, you are definitely the most beautiful passer.
I have to agree wholeheartedly :)
Amanda
Quote from: Hypatia on April 19, 2008, 02:30:57 PM
Quote from: Kristi on April 18, 2008, 11:35:50 PM
You can add me to the list. I just knew there was no way in the world I could ever pass.
Kristi, I just have to say-- of all the gals who've said this, you are definitely the most beautiful passer. Your picture is breathtaking each and every time I see it, giving me something to aspire to, hoping I can look as lovely as you do someday. Please post your beauty tips sometime!
That is so incredibly sweet, Hypatia! And Cindy too! My beauty tips??? Well I am just learning, but if you ever want to go to a person who has helped me a lot, here is a link to our local board: (You have to join first, but it's free, though it might take a couple of days.)
[pm me for this information if interested]
You truly made my evening. Whodathunkit???
Kristi
You made this month's cover, you sly vixen ;D Gorgeous as always.
Hi Kristi hon, I have registered for your site but have not got the confirmation yet.
Love
Cindy
Hi all,
I was often mistaken for a girl when I was young until my beard got darker, late teens. I delayed because of many things but delayed mainly because I thought I could not pass in my twenties. When I think about my first attempts at passing and going out I could cringe. My beard was the main thing so since that has almost gone there's no stopping me now, lol.
I think the main thing is that you are comfortable and confident in yourself and that helps a great deal.
hugs
Nigella
Amanda : You only look about 30 years old. ;D
OMG I love you Athena :) Thank you :)
I'm sadly way past that though :(
Amanda