Madison:
Well quite a subject! Since no response to your subject was posted in over 30 days it was sujested to start a new one.
I could easily claim that label "gender queer" but is just another label. We can run with it and give it power and punch, but soon it degenerates.
Aboriginal peoples had for thousands of years reserved a special role of honor for these "gender queer" people. The Lakota considered them sacred, as many other tribes.
I am proud of my maleness.
Then Sheila kicks in and my malenes is in the way. It takes me about 18 hours to transform. Facial complexion, muscle structure, bone placement, blah blah
But that little tail well I think it gets in the way. Yet my female partners adore Me tail and all and can not get enough of my femaleness? and the roles switch and so do the personalities. My straight male partners could do without the tail, they love the rest.
Three issues used to get confused for me because they are intertwined like serpents that oil the senses and the mind into a frenzy leaving no escape , no door but to explode in making a presence.
Three issues: sexual activity, emotions of gender, ideas of social acceptance (mind perceptions: job, insurance, VA benefits, etcetera)
This last one degenerated for me into an obsession to cross dress no matter what. This endevour overtook my life. A bout that after many years of self work I transcended it. The healing left a clear view of the cycles of my body and emotion. Totally unrelated to how cociety accepts me or not ( my perception of whether they do or not)
Helping others is a great healing activity because it breaks the preocupation with self that such questioning produces inevitably. Self absorption is a persistent quality that I have ovserved in our community. This never ending quest for "Am ok, they better accept me or else, what will be the else this time?" can easily degenerate into egotism, as it did for me in the last 4 years of the bout.
Miss Ayn Rand notwithstanding I beklieve that is not healthy to rationalize our selfish needs. There is a big world out there that I had a difficulty participatingn fully and I mean FULLY the way I wanted to because of my "gender queer" issues.
Now is different my moods to crossdress come and go at more regular basis. It does not control my life any more. And have the time and energy to devote to other worthwhile activities. Growing as a human being with a conscience to tell the difference between acting my truth and indulging my comfort.
this subject is big in that affects many, yet is small because once I get real my only choice is my truth, to act responsibly and in a loving healthy way.
man woman ->-bleeped-<-, is all sacred, really. Think about it.
Where do you go for strength and vision? what kind of support group do you have/ they inspire you to do...
Love, Sheila
Time will pass, will you?
You have a poetic nature Sheila.
Although I am not religious, I believe in some things about life. Its just nice to read a post that has some passion and thought in it.
Very nice Sheila...
Its funny, Vanessa also tends to come and go in a regular basis....
During the day, I hardly think about Crossdressing. In class, with friends, it really isn't an issue...
But when I'm alone (like now) or in especially feminine environments (like Malls) then she comes around pretty strong...
Funny how that works, huh?
-Nessa