Hey all :)
I'm at the beginnings of my TG self-journey, and as of now I'm still totally confused as to my identity. I'm attracted to guys, girls, MtFs, and I guess it really just depends on the person. I'm 22, and I've never been in a real relationship for any length of time. I've essentially been emotionally blocked for nearly my entire life, and I've been exploring all of this with my therapist in SF who's very supportive and helpful but not a gender expert.
I'm bio-male and as far as I know have never had any thoughts of being anything other than a guy, at least until a few months ago when I admitted to him in a session that I wanted to try crossdressing. Susan's Forums are incredible - I love reading them as much as possible. When I read them, I never even know which category best describes me, TS, andro., crossdresser, etc. Which is why the general, umbrella TG forum really comes in handy. I really, really try and think hard about if I'm a girl or not inside, and the bottom line is I just don't know. It's one of these things that I believe will only happen from experience (behavioral and emotional explorations). As silly as it sounds, I don't even know if I consider myself more of a gay man or a lesbian. hah! Right, I understand it's silly to fit oneself into cultural boxes and categories because they do nothing but stifle us and limit us. But still, I feel as if I have no ground whatsoever from which I'm working. I've been a guy my whole life and it is what I continue to present as, but more and more quickly I'm becoming very dissatisfied with being a male. Do I think I will ever be a full woman? I say yes sometimes, and no othertimes.
I guess what I'm really wondering is if any/many of you have gone through similar experiences, possibly at the beginnings of your comings-out and self-acceptances? Was anyone else totally lost and felt far removed from their core identity (if there's such a thing...) to such a degree that they didn't know how they wanted to be perceived/they didn't know how they wanted to define themselves? I have no idea at this point if I'll want to go by sir or miss, eventually. Or neither.
I eagerly await your responses! thanks and ciao!
Hey, don't worry, you're really not alone. And it's great that you're sharing and talking about it - even just getting everything off your chest can help you to sort out your thoughts, and figure things out. I'm 21, and I've only recently started seriously thinking about gender identity (as opposed to simple (hah!) sexuality), and Susan's has been a great help.
QuoteAs silly as it sounds, I don't even know if I consider myself more of a gay man or a lesbian.
You're *really* not alone there (and it isn't silly, as I've recently learned). There are many people out there - and in here - like that. I'm female-bodied but identify more as a gay man, and I know there are others at Susan's who do similarly. There are some days when I'm perfectly happy being female, and others (far more) when I just do not identify with the song "I am woman" at all.
However (although I'm sure you've already realized this), don't jump into SRS or anything quickly. Go slowly. Better to take it slowly than race into it and regret something later. Slow and steady... :)
QuoteI have no idea at this point if I'll want to go by sir or miss, eventually. Or neither.
Again, you've found the right place. I answer to him/he etc. much more readily than to she/her. I was talking to a girl the other day about exams when someone else came along also asking about exams, and the girl said "I've just been talking to her about them", and pointed at me. If she hadn't pointed, it would not have been an automatic her=me, more a her=yep.....wait......thinking........yes, that's me. ::)
That said, however, don't stress too much over the pronouns - as you said, you have no idea "at this point." So relax, take a stroll through the past threads and posts over a cup of tea (or coffee, or hot chocolate, whichever you prefer :icon_caffine:), and don't be too hasty in passing judgement on yourself. :angel: If you do find a category or box that seems to fit, keep looking, 'cause it may be that there's one that fits better (and it does happen), or even elements of several. "Copying from one source is plagiarism; copying from many is research." ;)
The main thing is, keep smiling, never let the GID demons get you down, and if you need a receptive audience, :icon_wave: :icon_clap:
Best of luck,
Lutin
Yep, far from alone in any of that, Curiosity.
Lutin pretty well covered it, look around and enjoy your stay.
You are not alone, and you do not have to decide/settle this week who you are. Many of us are undergoing some rather complex self-discovery processes right now, and understanding/enlightenment/acceptance can take a long time. Give yourself time and space to work through this process, and yes this is the right place to be for you. It is an unbelievable resource.