I've recently figured I'm a hermaphrodite(because for some strange reason I like this term) mentally. Both male and female, as I phase in an out of each gender role and as far as I can remember always have (weather it was visually obvious as in my late teen/early 20s or mentally and emotionally from my childhood years that no one ever knew about but me)
The term was mentioned to me today, bigender. What makes someone bigender and is it me? The definition the person mentioned was being both genders at the same time and not just fluctuating.
Last night I broke up how I felt into quarters.
1/4 of the time I feel like a boy and want to turn my female body into a male one
1/4 of the time I'm extremely happy and comfortable with my female body
1/4 of the time I try to be both at the same time and fail miserably because I have such a feminine accentuated body
1/4 of the time I try to be androgynous and have no gender but fail miserable because I have such a feminine accentuated body
If I could have it my way, I would have a slimmer more androgynous body mass with both male and female genitalia. I cant even tell you how happy that would make me. To be able to be one or the other or both or neither at any point in time as I see fit. To REALLY be gender fluid, and REALLY be comfortable with my body ALL the time.
Could I use the boys bathroom? That would be so awesome. :D
But how would that work. What of my breasts? Maybe a breast reduction? so they where small... that way I could always bind them if I felt like filling that male gender role. (I'm more fantasizing than really considering gender reasignment surgery)
I really do feel more like I'm both male and female at the same time. My fluidity between the two can fluctuate anywhere between an hour to half a year. right now I go back and forth so frequently that one minute I'm happy in my skirt and the next I question why I even put it on this morning instead of my pants. When that happens I just have to tell myself the skirt is more for functionality. I like skirts because I feel like I'm more agile than when I'm in pants, and that makes me feel okay with wearing a skirt when I feel masculine. And then sometimes I struggle with my wardrobe to find the perfect mix of both male and female clothing, but when I put it on I just look like a butchy fem (stupid cruves!!!).
A boy in the dress :)
I know we cant all have what we want, but I really just want to feel comfortable in my skin. I really want to change my body so that I am comfortable with it. But I'm soo poor, thats never going to happen in my life time and you have no idea how sad that makes me to have to live a lie in my skin until I die.
One last note: If I'm "bigender" but I only like girls but I'm polyamorous romantically, what sexual orientation does that make me?
Welcome Diesis.
I'm Nero.
<offers hand>
Bigender is a person who feels they are two different people in one body - one male and one female.
Being both or neither gender is androgynee. I'll leave the unicorns to elaborate on that.
genderfluid sounds a good way to encapsulate what you are describing, the wish to flow from one gender to another and not be tied down by the body. As gendered as casper the friendly ghost maybe. Whatever you are, welcome to the section.
Hi Diesis,
Welcome. You may want to make a post in Introductions at
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html)
Just to let people know you're here so they won't get scared when they run into you and don't know who you are. :laugh:
You have good questions. I wish I could answer them, however, I have been spending time wiping my mind of these thoughts. There are definitely people who can help you with thinking this out.
My name is Rebis. I've come to think of myself as gender slush.
Welcome, sounds like you are in the right place :)
Many of us feel the same way you do. Somewhere between the two binary genders.
I hope you find some answers here.
Welcome Diesis! Many of us here live in between or outside the gender binary. It is a wonderful journey to figure out what works best for you.
Zythyra
Oh yeah. I forgot to say that there are times when I just feel beautiful in a way I don't think I would were it not for my gender variance.
Quote from: Rebis on May 10, 2008, 10:46:46 PM
Oh yeah. I forgot to say that there are times when I just feel beautiful in a way I don't think I would were it not for my gender variance.
I have come to the conclusion that a gender variance is somewhat of a gift. I have a view into both genders, and I can see where that has helped me in life.
Quote from: riven_one on May 11, 2008, 12:01:44 AM
Quote from: Rebis on May 10, 2008, 10:46:46 PM
Oh yeah. I forgot to say that there are times when I just feel beautiful in a way I don't think I would were it not for my gender variance.
I have come to the conclusion that a gender variance is somewhat of a gift. I have a view into both genders, and I can see where that has helped me in life.
Yes, gender variance is truly a strange and marvelous gift. Still figuring out how to use it though... it didn't come with a manual :laugh:
... and you can't take it back and return it for something else :-*
Z
Its a matter not just of feeling good in both aspects, but in your ability to move between them with ease and comfort.
Quote from: Zythyra on May 11, 2008, 06:46:35 AM
Yes, gender variance is truly a strange and marvelous gift. Still figuring out how to use it though... it didn't come with a manual :laugh:
... and you can't take it back and return it for something else :-*
Z
I wanted a pony instead.
Hi and welcome Diesis,
Its wonderful that you can describe and articulate how you feel and what you want. Hopefully you will achieve it all sooner than you expect.
Cheers
Buttercup :)
Then being a pretty guy in a dress is awesome, go for it.
Quote from: Zythyra on May 11, 2008, 06:46:35 AM
Quote from: riven_one on May 11, 2008, 12:01:44 AM
Quote from: Rebis on May 10, 2008, 10:46:46 PM
Oh yeah. I forgot to say that there are times when I just feel beautiful in a way I don't think I would were it not for my gender variance.
I have come to the conclusion that a gender variance is somewhat of a gift. I have a view into both genders, and I can see where that has helped me in life.
Yes, gender variance is truly a strange and marvelous gift. Still figuring out how to use it though... it didn't come with a manual :laugh:
... and you can't take it back and return it for something else :-*
Z
There is a manual ??? I want my damn manual :P It keeps blinking "12:00" at me ;D
Quote from: Diesis on May 10, 2008, 03:22:58 PM
One last note: If I'm "bigender" but I only like girls but I'm polyamorous romantically, what sexual orientation does that make me?
I'm not sure of the word polyamorous
If I'm "bigender" but I only like girls
to me that means
when you feel like a boy you are a straight guy
when you feel like a girl you are Lesbian girl